Knock. Knock.
Kakashi sighed, wondering which friend was checking on Kotori this time. While he was glad she had a supportive network, she needed her rest and was being interrupted every other hour by well wishers. And, quite frankly, he was getting annoyed. Kakashi was starting to enjoy their little forced stay-cation together now that Kotori was awake and regaining her strength. He just wanted to curl up with his girlfriend and a book and block the rest of the world out for the rest of the week.
Kakashi slowly made his way to the living room, hoping the person would just leave. There was a quick double tap on the door followed by the sounds of a key sliding into the lock. Kakashi knew it was not Aimi. She had been by earlier in the week to drop off bentos so that neither of them had to cook. She also didn't bother to knock, making it a game to try to sneak inside and catch him without his mask. Just how many spare keys had Kotori given out? This was getting to be a security risk as well as a nuisance.
He had enough time to either put on pants or his mask. Kakashi knew which was guaranteed to make the unwanted visitor leave faster. He pulled the mask in place as he rushed to open the door.
Nara Ensui looked disappointed. His dark, hooded eyes boring into Kakashi. "So the rumours are true. How troublesome."
"What rumours?"
The other man's eyebrow quirked up, but he didn't answer the question. Critical eyes assessed him despite the uninterested expression. Kakashi knew that look. It was uncomfortable having it used against him for once.
Kakashi crossed his arms as he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe. He was not really interested in small talk with Kotori's former teacher. Ensui was a dark, cagey bastard. Kakashi had worked with him on a handful of ANBU missions before being assigned to Team Ro. Ensui had not liked him then and refused to work with him any more. Ensui certainly did not like him now that he was dating his prized student.
Ensui shoved his hands in his pockets as he rocked backwards on his heels. "Where's your girlfriend?"
"Resting," Kakashi flatly responded.
"Chakra exhaustion, right?" Ensui pulled out a storage scroll from one of the pockets on his flak jacket. "Give her this. It makes for an easier recovery. You might find it useful too."
Curiously, Kakashi opened the storage scroll. There was a container of loose leaf tea along with a neatly folded letter. According to the label, it was a green tea blend mixed with wildflowers found to help with chakra restoration.
"Thank you."
Ensui scratched the bridge of his nose as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. He cleared his throat. "I'll see her later."
He walked away at a pace that may as well have been a sprint for the typically lazy Nara.
Kakashi went about boiling the kettle and then seeping the tea for two minutes. He tugged the mask down and took a long drink from one of the teacups. It eased some of the fatigue that had plagued him for the last seven days. His limbs already losing some of the heaviness. This blend was definitely not sold to the general public and was most likely a heavily guarded family secret.
It was almost enough to consider befriending Ensui over. Almost.
Arms wrapped around him from behind, stirring him from his thoughts. Kotori buried her face between his shoulder blades. Either she was getting sneakier or he was letting his guard down more. Kakashi pondered the implications of the latter.
"I heard voices, who was it this - " Kotori trailed off, peaking around his shoulder to the teapot and cups on the counter. "Ensui-sensei couldn't stay?"
Kakashi shrugged as he twisted around in her hug to hand her one. "He didn't say, just dropped that off. He doesn't seem the type for social niceties."
"Says the kettle." Kotori took a sip of her tea, her face relaxed in a peaceful expression. "Did you, ah, answer the door like that?"
Kakashi looked down at his blue, paw print patterned boxers. He scratched the back of his neck as he closed his eyes into a smile. "Maybe."
She covered her face and laughed. "Kakashi! No wonder he ran off. You answering the door in your boxers probably caught him by surprise."
"He didn't seem all that surprised. I guess news has started to leak."
No doubt they had Aimi to thank for that one. He knew Kotori had meant to tell her former teacher eventually, however she hadn't seen him in a while. Their mission schedules tended to conflict with Team Fu.
Kotori started choking on her tea. Her eyes went wide. "Right. I forgot about that."
Kakashi tilted his head, waiting for her to continue. Kotori's face blushed and her eyes adverted. She was so cute when she was flustered.
"So, ah, Mouse lives on the other side of my bedroom and heard us, you know, the night before you left. She let it slip in the locker room that we were seeing each other."
"Oh, is that it?"
Kakashi normally couldn't be bothered by rumours. He had heard enough of them over the years to let them get under his skin. The most prevalent one was that he was a cold-hearted psychopath who murdered his teammate to steal his sharingan and then later murdered the only witness. This one seemed a lot more innocent in comparison. ANBU loved to gossip about who was hooking up with who behind the scenes. By next week they would be old news.
He pushed down the ever present anxiety. They would be fine. Kotori would be fine. If he didn't make a big deal about it, the rumours would subside. That Kakashi of the Sharingan had something as mundane as a lover wouldn't register as interest to anyone outside of Konoha. Some people might not even believe he was capable of love and disregard it completely.
Or think it was something uglier than the truth. His eye narrowed as he watched Kotori's reaction. She seemed nervous, stalling for time as she drank her tea.
"Ithoughtyoushouldknowbeforeyouhearthem- therumoursaren'texactlynice.There'sone that you're forcing me into it."
He couldn't say he was surprised to hear that. Disappointed, perhaps, that after all this time people still thought he was some sort of monster capable of hurting those he cared about.
He gave a casual shrug. "I've never cared what the rest of ANBU thought of me."
He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else, something she was reluctant to say. His mind conjured all of the unpleasant things that had been said about him over the years. He was an asshole. He knew that. He had played it up for years, trying to push everyone away. Cold- hearted Kakashi.
He didn't care what the rest of ANBU thought of him, true. But he certainly cared what Kotori thought of him.
"Was there something else?" He tried to sound casual as he asked.
"Never mind, it's stupid anyway." Her face was often like an open book to him, however it quickly snapped shut. "I think I'm going to go for a walk."
"You should be resting. I can go - "
"No, you don't have to leave," she insisted. She put the teacup in the sink before quickly pulling on her sandals at the door. "Besides, nature is good for spiritual energy."
Kakashi watched the door close behind her, her name sticking to the back of his throat.
xXx
Kotori found herself in Senju Park. Her feet naturally guided her there. It was one of her favourite places. Senju Park was the largest park in their village, home to walking trails, beautiful gardens, a playground and numerous sports fields. Over in one of the larger fields, two nets had been set up and a group of children were kicking a ball around. The beautiful canopy of brightly coloured leaves that had given their village its name still clung to the branches. Konoha's climate was too mild for snow, but they still experienced a few months of chilly weather every year. It was the type of season that had Kotori longing to curl up under a blanket with a cup of tea and a book. Preferably with Kakashi at her side.
As much as her heart longed to return to their peaceful little nest, her mind and body were full of nervous energy. She had wanted to sort out her thoughts before sharing them. Kotori stopped in a grassy area off the side of the playground, finding space to be by herself. She allowed her body to flow through the exercises that her uncle had taught her as a child. It was meant to unite the spiritual and physical energy, the yin and the yang, as needed for their secret clan technique. While rest and carbs were good for restoring physical energy, she was right that nature was good for spiritual energy. It also had the added benefit of clearing her mind and lifting her spirits.
She focused on her breathing as she slowly rolled down from her mountain pose into a forward fold and then back up again.
She was going to have to tell Kakashi about Bull's unwanted advances. As much as it embarrassed her to talk about. She just felt so childish and silly now. Oh, some girls were mean to her a week ago and called her names. It was like being an academy student all over again. The way she had fled, Kakashi surly suspected something much worse.
Kotori inhaled as she brought herself into the eagle position. Her arms interlocked together and then her right leg slowly lifted up and twisted around her left as she found balance.
She couldn't exactly let Kakashi go back to ANBU and hear it for himself though. Worse, with Kakashi's protective instincts she knew he would not take it well. The last thing she needed was him doing something stupid like picking a fight to defend her honour. She wished she could just let the whole matter go.
Kotori exhaled deeply before releasing her pose once again. She folded down as she touched her feet and held her position. Once again she slowly breathed in and then out. Her mind trying to let go of all the background noise.
She couldn't fully do that when she was feeling watched.
Kotori blinked opened her eyes, to see two pairs of feet heading towards her. One clearly belonged to a child and the other were a woman's based on the smaller size and red nail polish. Kotori released herself from the position, standing upright to face them.
"Kotori-san, yo! Mind if I join you?"
Kotori could not say she recognized the other woman although the voice struck a familiar chord. She looked to be several years older than herself. The woman had long, brown hair that was tied in a low hanging ponytail over her shoulder. Her clothes were devoid of any clan insignia. She had a crooked smile and amused blue eyes as she waited for Kotori to work out her identity. It wasn't difficult. Every ANBU worth their mask knew the little boy holding her hand. Sarurobi Konohamaru. The honourable grandson.
So this was Captain Panda.
"Hinoki-san," Kotori politely bowed her head.
"I was hoping to talk to you."
"Of course."
Hinoki motioned for her son to go play. Konohamaru did not look back as he rushed towards the playground and other children. His blue scarf flapping behind him like a cape as he ran. It seemed to be a miracle he did not trip over it. Hinoki sat in one of the swings off to the side and beaconed for Kotori to join her. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Hinoki watched her son approach a young girl with orange pigtails.
"I heard you're off on medical, it's good to see you back on your feet," Hinoki commented. "You took off before we could talk."
"Oh, I'm sorry - "
"Don't apologize. You saved two of our best shinobi." Hinoki quickly waved her off. She gave Kotori a calculating look. "I read the mission report Yugao-san submitted on your behalf. Then I started pulling the rest of your mission reports."
Kotori tilted her head. As far as she knew, most of those reports were buried under the mountain of paperwork generated in Hokage Tower. A good number of her reports had also been verbal, the Hokage and his advisors wanting confirmation that the mission was completed but not wanting any physical record of it.
"They're impressive, from what I've seen and heard. I don't think a captaincy is out of reach."
Kotori's mouth fell open. "I don't think - I'm not interested in being a captain."
She thought of the heavy armour of responsibility that Kakashi seemed to wear. The way it both threatened to drag him under its weight and yet it gave him strength. Kakashi was special. He was someone others naturally looked to for guidance. He inspired confidence and courage without even realizing it. He always seemed to know what to do and always seemed to be exactly what was needed.
Kotori did not think she could do that. She was still learning to find her own strength, never mind be that strength for others. Besides, she was happy with her team. That should count for something. She knew she was fortunate to have that, many did not.
"Pity," Hinoki said. There was a spark of mischief in her eye now. "I still need to replace Bull."
Kotori grimaced. While it might have been poetic justice to demote a captain and promote the girl he had been harassing in his place, she definitely didn't want it. Not that way. She couldn't imagine being welcomed on the team after that incident.
"I don't think his team would respect me," Kotori said. She sighed, watching the kids play a round of kick the can. "I don't think many do these days."
"Your team respects you. Or did you think they'd follow just anyone after a S-Rank gang who bested their captain?"
That wasn't it. Team Ro would never leave a comrade behind. Kakashi's personal nindo had been adopted by many on the team.
"I'm not Kakashi, I - "
Hinoki kicked at the ground, pushing herself back and forth on the swing, not quite leaving the ground as the tip of her toe kept her in place. There was a fire in her eyes that matched the conviction in her voice.
"Good. One of him is more than enough. I wouldn't mind a few more captains who've been trained by him or share his philosophy though. You're a jonin, are you not? You're already a leader in this village. You wouldn't have gotten the promotion if you hadn't earned it."
The ranks within ANBU worked differently than the ranks in the regular forces. Most were added to ANBU for their skillsets shortly after being promoted to chunin and rarely chose to apply for jonin, seeing it as meaningless in their line of work. After all, it was entirely possible to be a chunin and promoted to ANBU captain. Aside from Kakashi, Kotori was the only other person on their team ranked jonin. She knew Kakashi had submitted recommendation for Tenzo to officially get the rank as he had to ask two other jonin to recommend him. She and Asuma had agreed to do it. The explanation for why Tenzo did not have an actual rank yet was hand waved in Kakashi style which she knew to mean don't ask. Genma and Ayumu were tokubetsu jonin while Satoshi, Yugao and Haruki were all chunin.
As much as she tried to keep a public appearance and take regular missions, Kotori rarely had time for anything beyond a quick, solo B rank or teaming up with Genma on an A rank. She hadn't fully tested her leadership abilities since her promotion. Sure, she had taken the lead on missions in her days as a chunin, but it had been easy to get Sayuri or Aimi or Izumo or Kotetsu to follow her lead as they were her friends and peers.
"You know, I was the captain's girlfriend once." Hinoki gave her a wry smile. "If I could give you a word of advice? Learn to ignore those silly mean girls in the locker room. Or the grumpy old men on the advisory council. They're not going away any time soon. All you can do is focus on doing your best. People will learn to respect you for it, eventually, and the ones who don't you'll find aren't worth your time. Did you know, they still think my role is an honorary one for marrying the Hokage's son?"
Kotori did not know much about the other woman. Hinoki had come back from maternity leave shortly after Kotori joined ANBU. These days the Hokage kept her closer to the village, working with Intelligence on village security. She also handled her husband's role when he was away from the village for long periods of time. Kotori had heard the grumbling that the Hokage favoured Hinoki for giving him a grandchild. She had heard people who thought she should have retired now that she was a mother.
However, Kotori doubted the Hokage would be soft on his family and give them meaningless positions. She thought of Kakashi's refusal to jeopardize her own life, the feeling of responsibility every time he sent her on a mission. If anything, she imagined the Hokage would be tougher on his loved ones.
"Does it get easier then?" She already suspected the answer.
"No," Hinoki gave her a crooked smile, "but you do get stronger. It is your opinion of yourself that matters most. It was freeing to stop trying to be the kunoichi or wife or mother that others thought I should be."
At that, the other woman kicked off the ground, swinging back and forth for a few moments. Hinoki leapt off the swing and called Konohamaru over to her. She grinned as she picked him up and tossed him into the air and caught him, spinning around in a tight hug.
"Alright my little monkey, I promised you lunch, didn't I?"
"Yeah, yeah! I want ramen," Konohamaru eagerly shouted.
Kotori softly grinned at the sight. Konohamaru might look like a Sarutobi, but Kotori noticed he inherited his mother's impish grin.
"Kotori-san?" Hinoki paused. "If you ever change your mind about a captaincy, my office is open. I'll make you work for it, but I promise the only unsavoury thing I've asked lately is to assassinate a few political figures."
With that, the pair of them were gone, leaving Kotori alone on the swings. Her foot tracing patterns in the dirt underneath her as she mulled Hinoki's offer over. She kicked off the ground, enjoying the feeling of wind against her face. It was not quite the same thrill as flying. However it would do until she regained enough chakra to summon Raiden.
Perhaps one day she would take Hinoki up on her offer. However, Kotori was content for the moment.
xXx
Kakashi was putting the finishing strokes on the privacy seal he had drawn on the wall of Kotori's bedroom. He really should have done this sooner. His own apartment had had one since he first moved in and he had forgotten how thin the walls could be. The task gave him something to focus his attention on, although his mind still wandered as the seal wasn't overly complicated.
His mood perked up when he heard the apartment door creak open. Kotori's voice soon followed. "I'm home!"
"Welcome back," he called out. He poked his head out of the bedroom. "I have something I'd like to show you."
She followed him into her bedroom, stopping as she took in the seal that he had drawn on the wall where her headboard would rest. It was roughly the size of a fist. Kotori frowned, her fingers tracing the letters and symbols that swirled around in circular pattern.
"Aren't you supposed to be resting?"
"Says the kettle," he grinned at her. "I'm mostly recovered anyway."
Her expression softened. "Well, thank you. This could have waited until you were fully recovered though."
The outdoors seemed to have done her some good. Her hair was windswept and there was a bit of colour in her cheeks, most likely from the cold. She seemed more energized than earlier in the day, even as she flopped down on her back on the bed.
"I thought we should clear the air," Kakashi awkwardly began. "If there's anything you heard about me you'd like to ask - "
He sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. Kotori's eyes flicked open before she rolled up into a sitting position. She folded her legs, giving him her full attention. Her head tilted as she regarded him.
"About you? I mean, those rumours were so ridiculous I didn't give them thought. I know if I wasn't interested you would have backed off, you're not like B- " She trailed off, clearing her throat. "You're not like that."
She had nearly slipped up and said something, just a little more probing and he should have the full truth about what was bothering her. He felt selfishly relieved that it wasn't about him. Most likely she had heard something unpleasant about herself. He could fix that. He could remind her of all the wonderful qualities she possessed.
"What could they possibly say about you? That you're too good for me?" He caught her chin on his index finger and gently lifted it so she was facing him.
Her lips twisted into a bitter smile as her eyes flickered up to meet his. "What do you think they say about girls who sleep with their captain?"
Kakashi shut his mouth. He had a good idea what was said now. He felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. A vicious rumour like that could do more damage to a career than any injury. He had seen plenty of shinobi over the years shuffled to some other team or department after a scandal. A damaged reputation could mean others did not trust you. He should know. It wasn't until Tenzo or Team Ro that he had anyone who wanted to work with him after Rin's death. It wasn't something that had an easy fix either. Only time and Kotori's own actions could change people's opinions about herself.
In hindsight, it made sense why she was upset with him for sending her on missions she perceived as easy. In truth, Kakashi did make an effort to send her on missions appropriate to her rank and talents. Her ability to gather information while safely tucked away elsewhere made them easy for her, but difficult for others. Selfishly, he also did not want her seeing more combat than necessary. However he knew he couldn't hold her back or she would wind up on another mission where she was outmatched by someone stronger. He had already made the decision to add her to more missions with him or Tenzo for the fighting experience.
"It's fine, I've decided I won't let it get to me. Anyone who matters knows the truth," she announced.
He knew it couldn't be easy for her to decide that. Kotori definitely took whatever cruel words she had heard to heart. He cupped her cheeks in his hands before giving her a kiss.
"You are amazing. You know that?"
She ducked her head, bashful once more at his words.
"There's, um, one more thing. Bull cornered me for a seduction mission," she reluctantly added. Her tone dripped with disdain as she recounted the tale.
Kakashi darkened at her words. If he pursued another shinobi's girlfriend or wife while they were on a mission, he would expect to be beaten within an inch of his life by said shinobi. Never mind this. He would not let anyone think they could harass Kotori in such a disgusting manner. Bull would stay a good five metres away from her for the rest of his miserable existence if he knew what was good for him. Kakashi was going to make an example out of him.
"Did he hurt you?" He seethed at the end of it.
"No, I handled it," Kotori quietly said. Her eyes carefully searching his reaction. "So you can stop whatever you're planning."
Kakashi gave his most convincing smile. "I wasn't planning anything."
Kotori was not fooled. She looked unimpressed when she said, "He's been demoted by Captain Panda and I kneed him in the groin. That's enough punishment, I think. I just want to move on."
Bull was still going to suffer a very painful training 'accident'. He was brooding over it when Kotori decided to change the subject.
"You know, now that people know about us, maybe we could go on a proper date in the village?"
Her voice was hopeful. Finding the light in all of this as she always somehow managed to do. So far all of their dates had involved preparing meals together at home or finding secluded spots for a picnic. Kotori had been adopted into his friend group so that allowed them to at least hang out in group settings. Kakashi had noticed how sometimes her glance would linger on happy couples and she would look wistful.
She had never voiced it before or complained. Silently accepting that any relationship with him needed to be kept private. However, if people were going to gossip about them anyway, maybe they should just normalize the relationship. She deserved that much.
"Sure then," he promised. "Anything you want."