He could only hear his heart pounding in his ears, drowning out the rest of Yugao's words. He couldn't do this. He couldn't survive losing someone else. He couldn't survive losing her.

"Captain, I need you to breathe," Satoshi firmly said.

Kakashi didn't want to breathe. He was tired of breathing and living and surviving in a world where everyone he loved was taken away. Over and over and over again. Every time he dared to hope that things might turn out differently.

His fists bunched in the sheets as something - tears or blood, he didn't care which - slipped out from the sharingan. It played through every moment like a twisted montage of their time together. He had looked at her through both eyes so many times, wanting to memorize every detail. As if knowing it could never last. He could the warmth of her smile, the light in her eyes. He could see her sprawled out underneath him coming undone. He could also see her final moments. The pain as she was tortured. Her final words to him. I love you too.

All he had ever wanted was to protect her. To keep her safe. And he had failed.

He had failed his team. He had failed his friends. He had failed the love of his life. Tenzo has been injured and judging by Yugao's hospital gown, so had she. He had no idea the fates of Haruki or Genma. Ayumu had been killed. Kotori - he felt the lump in his throat. They had all been used to get to him. All for an eye that should have never been his in the first place. He would have gladly given it up if it meant he could save the people who mattered to him. The sharingan was nothing but a reminder of his failures.

Right on cue, the sharingan decided to play out his worst moments. Obito. Rin. Kotori.

"Captain - " Satoshi's hands were on his shoulders, lightly shaking them and he was firmly saying his name. "Kakashi, listen to me."

He was cursed. He leeched the life and warmth out of anyone who tried to care for him until there was nothing left. Who would suffer next? Satoshi? Yugao? Tenzo? Gai? This was what his love caused. He was a harbinger of death and destruction.

"Kotori is missing, okay?" Satoshi's dark brown eyes came into sharp focus.

Kakashi felt crazed as he urgently gripped Satoshi's shoulders. "She's alive?"

There was sympathy in the other man's eyes. "I don't want to give you false hope. It's not looking good right now. We don't know if she's dead or alive. None of us witnessed her death. I thought she escaped the explosion, but there's been no sign of her for over a week. Genma searched the area and couldn't find her. He's still out with Team Fu now. It's possible she may have succumb to her wounds. The ANBU seal would have activated."

"But you didn't see her die," he desperately pressed.

"No." Satoshi exchanged a look with Yugao. "Gyoku's men are still out there. The genin are still missing. If she's alive, then she's probably with them."

The cold, logical part of his brain started taking over. He had learned to compartmentalize over the years, a necessity when being a shinobi. He shut down his emotions, pushing down the grief and despair that threatened to drag him down and consume him. He had a mission now. If Kotori was still alive and needed him, then he needed to pull himself together. If she wasn't alive - his fist clenched the sheets again.

If she wasn't alive, he would hunt down and destroy every last person responsible.

"Her birds - " She should have made contact by now. Even if she could only hold the connection briefly.

"There's been nothing," Yugao answered. "Captain Panda and Inoichi both kept one just in case. The rest - "

"You know the protocol." Satoshi adverted his eyes, no longer able to look at him. "They've been destroyed. If she was captured, then it becomes a security risk."

Kakashi glanced out the window and noticed the rain. That would complicate things, even for Pakkun. While his ninken could track in the rain, a week old trail would be washed away.

"How long has it been raining?"

"Off and on the last three days," Satoshi said. "Even the Inuzuka ninken have been unable to pick up the scent."

It was rare that the Inuzuka were involved in ANBU operations. Their temperaments made them a poor fit for the role. They were too loud and boisterous. Too spirited. Too obvious. Since Kakashi had a ninken contract, the Commander had not bothered to recruit any Inuzuka to the organization. Although in the past the Hound mask had traditionally went to them.

"Tsume has joined the mission?"

"The Inuzuka girl was her niece," Yugao explained. "The silver lining in all this is that with so many clans affected, the Hokage won't just declare Kotori or the genin killed in action without a thorough investigation first. Inoichi-san is especially pissed one of his clansmen was killed and another captured before he was made aware. He's offered the Commander whatever support he needs. Tsume-san and Shikaku-san as well."

That made sense. The clan heads generally advocated for their members. It would be foolish to anger that many at once. Inoichi was normally very amiable, but Kakashi knew he made a terrifying opponent. Especially when he teamed up with Shikaku. The Hokage would do anything to keep the two of them appeased.

"Where are the others?" Kakashi asked.

"Genma received permission to join Team Fu, they've taken over the investigation. Tenzo was released from the hospital two days ago. Haruki - " Satoshi paused before pressing on. "Haruki was killed in the fight. Hiashi-sama is demanding blood. He pulled the Hyuga back to the village until this is resolved. They're furious over the attempted bloodline theft."

Kakashi felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Haruki too? "How?"

"He took a hit that was meant for Genma," Yugao said. She glanced at Satoshi for support.

"We think he did it on purpose. You know the Hyuga, they'd rather die before risking the byakugan."

"You're also village bound," Yugao delicately told him. "Hokage's orders. The council doesn't want to risk losing one of the few sharingan we have left."

Kakashi pulled the IV out of his hand. He had heard enough to formulate a basic plan. "I'd like to see the council try to keep me in the village right now."

"I did warn my mother it would be an exercise in futility," Satoshi lightly said. "I'll be ready to leave as soon as you give word."

Satoshi was so unlike his mother, Koharu, that Kakashi often forgot he was related to the awful woman. The council rarely saw shinobi as more than numbers or assets. Everything was a cold, hard calculation to them. Koharu was too comfortable with lives being lost as collateral damage. It was an odd contrast to her youngest son who saw value in saving every life.

"I'm coming too," Yugao announced. Her chin stuck out defiantly as she looked from him to Satoshi. The large hospital gown and dark circles under her eyes made her seem unusually fragile. Yugao was one of the strongest combat fighters on his team, but he didn't want her coming along and risking herself if she was not at her best. They had already lost enough people.

"Ah, Yugao, you should really ask your doctor first."

"You filthy hypocrite!"

And with that, he disappeared out the window with a poof of smoke.

He found the Hokage in his office, his fingers templed together as Koharu and Homura argued in front of him. Both had immediately stopped the second the door swung open and Kakashi strode inside. The ANBU agents who guarded the Hokage's Office nervously filtered in behind him.

"It's alright," Lord Third waved off the guards. "I've been expecting him. Kakashi-san, please join us. We were just discussing the situation in the northeast."

Koharu crossed her arms, disapproval evident in her frown. "I don't understand why you allow such disrespect from your subordinates, barging in here unannounced - "

Lord Third ignored her. "Why don't you give your report and then I'll fill in the gaps."

Kakashi hung his head as he reported the failed mission. He kept the brief quick and factual. Lord Third no doubt had already heard reports from the other members of his team. The words seemed to stick to the back of his throat as he reported Ayumu and Haruki's deaths and then disappeared entirely when it came to Kotori.

"That's enough," Lord Third stopped him. He looked exhausted as he regarded Kakashi. "Team Fu is still searching the area with the help of Tsume-san. We believe they may be hiding in the Land of Rice Paddies. There's been an increase in activity over the years and we've been unsuccessful with sending scouts over the border. We have received a ransom letter from the remains of Gyoku's team, although we're trying to verify that they are still alive."

Homura spoke instead. "Hiruzen, I think you've told him more than enough. Families of ANBU agents would normally not even know of their capture until a resolution had been reached. It was inappropriate to have both of them on a team. It was cruel for Kakashi-san to witness Kotori-san's disappearance."

Lord Third sounded irritated. "You've made your point multiple times. Now unless you know a jutsu that can undo time this is the situation we have. Kakashi-san deserves to know what we are doing."

"They want the sharingan," Kakashi concluded, ignoring them. "Hostage exchange? I could lure them into a trap - "

"Absolutely not," Koharu immediately said. "It would be foolish to send one of our village's strongest assets into a trap for a B-Rank spy with no bloodline - "

Kakashi's jaw clenched beneath his mask. Kotori's value was more than her rank or genetics. He would willingly walk into a trap if it meant she would be freed.

"Koharu, that's enough," the Hokage sharply warned. "Kakashi-san, I am deeply sorry for what happened to Kotori-san. I want to assure you that I have my best out there searching for the organization responsible. It is everyone's hope that she and the genin team will be returned swiftly and safely."

Kakashi did not want sympathy. He did not want meaningless condolences and promises. He wanted action. "With all due respect, I am one of your best. I'm asking to be included in the search. You can't expect me to sit and wait while my girlfriend is held hostage."

"That is exactly what is expected of you," Homura said. "You girlfriend is being used as bait against you. It is obvious to everyone in this room that you would give yourself up for Kotori-san. Our enemies know it as well."

"Honestly, I think we've already invested too much time and resources into this mission that would be better served - "

Kakashi rushed forward, his forearm pinning Koharu's throat against the wall before she could finish that sentence. Kakashi's anger had always run cold, where others might be hot-tempered and lash out, his was tightly coiled and controlled. Losing control in that moment surprised him. He harshly released her, stepping away as she staggered to her feet.

"Koharu, Homura, leave now," the Hokage said. His voice vibrated with anger.

Kakashi knew he deserved whatever reprimand was coming. As long as it didn't hurt his chances of helping Kotori, he would accept whatever punishment came from attacking a council member.

"I'm sorry," Lord Third said once they were alone. "I understand you are under a tremendous amount of stress right now. When I lost my wife and daughter to the nine-tails I was just as angry, just as lost. It's only human to want to protect your loved ones. However, you are a liability in this mission so you will remain in the village until the matter is resolved."

"I'm not going to abandon my girlfriend."

"You are not abandoning her. I daresay when Kotori-san returns to the village that you will have the difficult task of helping her through her recovery. She's going to need you."

The Hokage was right. She needed him. If she was captured by Gyoku's men, then they could be torturing her this very moment. Every minute he wasted arguing was a minute he should be out there searching for her. It was clear that Kakashi was not going to receive permission to join the rescue team. So he would have to go alone.

"There's got to be something I could do," he said. He deliberately let his voice waver, wanting the Hokage believe that he was starting to get through to him. "I can't do nothing."

"There is, perhaps, something you could help with. Inoichi-san has Intelligence trying to remotely track Kotori-san through her chakra birds. She might respond if there's a more emotional connection."

"Maybe, she usually responds whenever I talk to one."

Lord Third looked relieved. "Excellent. Use the birds. If she could guide us to her location, we'll have a team ready for extraction."

Kakashi sent a clone towards Intelligence as the real him disappeared to Kotori's apartment. If anyone was keeping an eye on him it should be enough to fool them and buy time to leave the village. Kakashi had no intention of going to Intelligence. He had seen Kotori use her chakra bird network enough over the years to have a basic idea how it worked. He knew the Hokage had just given him busywork to keep him in the village. If she hadn't made contact in over a week, then she was unable to do so. He knew Kotori wasn't likely to sit around in captivity and not attempt to make contact.

Kakashi slipped into the bedroom window of Kotori's apartment. While they did not officially live together, Kakashi's apartment was his in name only. It had been several weeks since he had last been there. The majority of his belongings had accumulated in Kotori's apartment over the years. The apartment looked exactly the way they left it. There was still a pair of tea cups in the sink. A jonin sweater lay abandoned on the couch. He quickly changed into his uniform and grabbed his spare mission pack. He had multiples that were always ready to go. He knew his ninken were familiar with Kotori's scent, but for good measure he grabbed the hair elastic from her night table and the sleeping shirt she had left on the bed.

He tied the Konoha forehead protector around his head, tilting it so that it covered his sharingan. The forehead protector marked his identity as a Konoha shinobi. Turning his back on the village, disobeying a direct command from the Hokage - it went against his very core. Kakashi would always be loyal to Konoha. He would always serve and protect its people. He respected the position of the Hokage, however he was having a hard time respecting the man himself right now. What kind of shinobi abandons their loved ones to torture or death? What kind of shinobi would just sit and wait when given that news?

Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worst than scum.

He would be a filthy hypocrite if he ignored the words he had repeated so often. It was too late to save Obito. He hoped he wasn't too late to save Kotori.

He heard the main door creak open. He glanced out of habit, half expecting Kotori to walk in with a bright smile, filling the silence with a story or two about someone she ran into or something amusing she witnessed. He would hold her and this nightmare would be over. There was an ache in his chest when it was only Aimi.

"Kakashi?" Aimi asked, surprise colouring her tone. "What's going on? My aunts are saying Ayumu is dead, one of the kids is missing. Sensei isn't in the village. I haven't seen Genma or Kotori-chan in weeks - "

He did not have time for this. Kotori needed him. Kakashi's voice was flat as he spoke. "It's an on-going mission. I can't provide the details."

She must have seen something in his face that she didn't like. Aimi trembled as she took a step back, her eyes watering. Then she steeled herself, blinking back the tears.

"I want to come."

"No."

"I can't just stay here in the dark. Something is going on and it affects everyone I care about. Genma, Kotori-chan, my family - "

"I need to go," he coldly told her. "Go talk to Inoichi if you want to help."

"Kakashi, wait," Aimi moved to block him, putting a hand on his arm.

Frustrated, he snapped at her. "You would just be a liability on this mission. I don't know your skills, but I know you haven't been on an active mission in nearly five years. You want to help your friends? Then move aside."

Aimi's hand recoiled as if he had hurt her. He disappeared out the window, leaving her alone in the apartment.

Kakashi raced through the rooftops, before disappearing down an alleyway and into one of the hidden tunnels that the ANBU used to slip out of the village. It was watched over by the ANBU patrols. Kakashi hoped word hadn't reached them yet that he was barred from leaving the village. It would make things a little more difficult. He waved at them and they nodded, not seeming to realize he was supposed to stay in village. Hinoki would have a fit later at their incompetence. For now, it worked to his advantage.

As Kakashi stepped into the forest outside the village, he could hear the deliberate snap of a branch. Someone was alerting him to their presence. Kakashi sighed as he saw Tenzo, Yugao and Satoshi. The Hokage must have sent them to keep an eye on him. It was more effective than any random ANBU. Lord Third knew he would never hurt his friends.

"I'm not looking to fight any of you," Kakashi warned them. If they tried to stop him, he was prepared to disarm them. He hoped it didn't come to that.

"Good thing you don't have to," Tenzo responded. "We're coming with you. Those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum. You taught me that, Senpai. Did you really think we were going to leave Kotori-san in the hands of someone like Gyoku?"

"Besides, what are they going to do, declare all of us rogue?" Yugao asked.

Satoshi shook his head. "I did warn them it was better to let you go. Well, we'll deal with that later Captain."

He felt an overwhelming gratitude. He adjusted the forehead protector so that the metal plate sat securely over his eye. "Let's go then."