AN: Trigger Warning: This chapter deals with Kotori's captivity and her mental state during it. I've purposely left the details of the torture vague, although I always intended for it to be physical/mental in nature. Read at your own risk?
Kotori felt disoriented as she woke up. Lightning buzzed through her chakra network, inflaming everything at once. Her head was throbbing at the temples, sensitive to the slightest sound. Every single instinct in her body was screaming that she was in danger. Her fight or flight response had kicked in. Wherever she was, she knew she wasn't safe.
"Am I in hell?" She mumbled into the darkness. Her voice was raspy and sore. There was a snort beside her.
Her eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light. She found herself on a dirty old futon. There was a trio of genin spread out on their own. One of the boys was sitting up against the wall as he kept watch.
Ryoku her brain supplied. His name is Ryoku.
The details of the past few weeks slowly came back to her. She was being held captive with the three genin by Gyoku and his men. She had managed to survive her own explosion, substituting herself with a clone at the last possible second. However she had been severely weakened and injured by the fighting beforehand. As she had waited, hovering between the brink of unconsciousness, it wasn't her team who had found her. But rather Gyoku. He had given his men the instructions to keep her weak, but alive. Beyond that they could do whatever they wanted.
Kotori flinched as she remembered the night before. She must have passed out because she didn't remember being brought back to the room.
"Depends on your definition of hell." Ryoku passed a water bottle to her along with a bento, pulling her out of her thoughts. "We saved you dinner, if you're up for it."
Kotori cracked open the lid, her stomach churning at the plain rice and container of miso soup. She sighed as she picked at it, not feeling hungry but knowing she needed what little strength she had.
"How do you feel?"
"Just peachy." They both knew it was a lie. While Kotori had tried to downplay the extent of her torture, her injuries were starting to catch up to her.
Ryoku shot her an annoyed look. "You don't have to pretend for us. We're not little kids."
"Ah Ryoku-kun, don't worry about me. ANBU are trained for that type of thing," she forced herself to give him a bright smile. She didn't want the kids to worry about her.
She had tried so hard to keep their spirits up throughout everything. It was the only thing that gave her purpose in her more lucid moments. She remembered the hopeful expressions on their faces her first night. Their belief that she was going to rescue them. Her promise that she would get them home.
Some promise, she miserably thought. The guards kept her too weak and injured to do much. She could barely walk on her leg. Her chakra network had been agitated. Every attempt to use her own chakra left her gasping in pain.
If she had the chakra to summon Raiden, they might be able to fly fast enough to get away. Very few shinobi could outrun her ninja hawk. The kids were also small enough that she might be able to fit the four of them on Raiden's back. She knew Raiden could fit herself with two other adults... Satoshi was kind of the size of two genin anyway. It was a lot of ifs and maybes, but it was the best plan she had. Other than sitting around and waiting for Konoha to rescue them. Which was seeming less likely each day.
Kotori tried not to think about that.
Ryoku gave her a skeptical look. "Whatever drugs they keep giving you must be good. You're too - positive."
She tried to stifle her laugh at that. Positive was a word. Not one she would use to describe herself at the moment. However she was relieved that she had him convinced. "Did I miss anything while I was out?"
Ryoku shrugged. "More of the same. Kouta thinks he found the room they're keeping our stuff in. He's going to try to get access."
The kids were better treated by their captors. Rather than tortured, they were used for labour. It was enough to keep the young genin too exhausted to try and make an escape. Of course, it was difficult to escape even if they weren't exhausted. From what she had gathered, they were on an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of paddy fields. There was no tree cover and just fields in every direction. There seemed to be a dozen or so men at their camp. Kotori knew that the rogue shinobi would eventually use their kindness to slowly brainwash a group of impressionable kids to their side. It was more important to get the kids out or risk the Yamanaka and Nara secret techniques falling into enemy hands.
Kotori was aware she was only being kept alive and in good health as bait for Kakashi. The moment she outlived any usefulness, she would be killed.
"He needs to be careful," Kotori tiredly said. "The last thing we need is the guards to start making your lives difficult."
Ryoku was a Nara. She knew he was unlikely to act without thinking of the consequences. Of the three genin, she suspected he was the only one who truly understood the dangers they were in. Kouta was liable to make some grand and valiant attempt to escape. Kotori was worried he might try something foolish and get caught. Mimi was, well, a little hellion. She sassed the guards and had attempted to run off multiple times to search for help. Kotori would have been impressed if she wasn't terrified for the girl's life. Mimi just wasn't quite fast enough or strong enough to escape on her own. Fortunately the Inuzuka responded well to authority. So while there was a battle of wills, she listened to Kotori. For now.
She had the kids pretend to be properly cowed while they scouted for escape routes and weak spots. Kotori had hoped she might be able to recover enough to attempt an escape, but that seemed unlikely without some sort of outside interference. The thought of leading a team of genin - of kids - out of here filled her with fear. They were so inexperienced and young. Team Ro had been completely outmatched against Gyoku at full strength. It seemed hopeless. Everything seemed so hopeless.
"I wonder what it would be like to have a difficult life," Kouta cheekily piped in.
"I mean it," Kotori gave a low warning. The last thing she wanted was for the kids to get on the wrong side of their captors and be tortured. The thought of any of them going through what she had -
"You worry too much, Captain!"
There wasn't a window in their room so they had no real concept of day or night. The guards seemed to keep up a consistent routine of fetching the kids every morning. It was the only way they could gauge time or keep track of the days. Ryoku scratched a line on the wall, indicating it was the thirty-fourth day since the kids had been taken. Kouta roughly woke up Mimi, the girl growling at him before rubbing the sleep out of her eye. Mimi then groggily plopped herself in front of Kotori who braided her hair back in a pair of plaits. Kotori felt a tinge of nostalgia. She could remember Kosuke braiding her hair before trainings or missions when she had been this age.
She felt the familiar pang in her heart she felt each time she thought of her loved ones. Kosuke probably wasn't even aware she was missing. Her disappearance would be kept secret as long as possible. Covered up as a lengthy mission. Until one day when the Hokage officially declared her killed in action. Her friends would grieve, but they would move on. It was a part of life as a shinobi. Aimi had her friends in Intelligence. Ensui had a young family now. Team Ro would continue taking missions together. Genma would be given a new partner.
Kakashi -She closed her eyes, trying not to remember the desperation on his face as he tried to save her. He must be devastated. After everything he had been through - after everything she had been through - didn't they deserve to be happy together? It wasn't fair. She wanted him here so bad. He would know what to do. She always felt so safe when he was around. She would give anything to be able to see him again. Even if it was just one last time.
She bit the inside of her cheek, focusing on the braid with a single-minded determination. "There, that should keep it in place."
She let the familiar banter of the kids wash over her. If she hadn't known better she would think they were getting ready for a regular mission. Kotori could still see through the cracks, the masks the kids wore were not quite as strong as her own. The false bravado that Kouta wore like armour. The mischievous smile Mimi hid behind. The biting sarcasm that Ryoku wielded like a kunai.
"Stay safe, alright?" Kotori told the three of them. She ruffled Ryoku's hair and gave Kouta a playful push, earning squawks of protest from them both. She then gave Mimi a one-armed hug.
Before long, the door was unlocked and a pair of guards were leading the kids away. She curled in on herself in the futon, listening as their footsteps faded. She allowed herself to finally give into the horrible despair that threatened to consume her. She was tired of holding herself together. Pretending for the sake of the kids took everything she had. The bubble swelled in her chest, making it feel like she couldn't breathe. Until it finally erupted into a fit of shaky breaths and hot tears.
Kotori knew she wasn't getting out of here. Not alive anyway. Little by little, her hope was chipped away. Her body could only endure so much pain. She didn't know what would break first, her body or her mind. There had been rumours before of shinobi being assumed dead and then discovered years later. They were often a shell of their former selves. How long until Lord Third gave the order to abandon them and consider them killed in action?
The thought of wasting away here for months or years -
Someone was coming, she had kept telling herself, desperately wishing it was true. Someone had to be coming. Kakashi would never abandon her.
"Did you think your little boyfriend was coming to save you?" The guard's words echoed in her mind. "Last I heard, he's been staying in the village like a good little hound. Loyal to his masters, isn't he?"
He wouldn't leave her.
"Love. Friendship. Camaraderie. They sound nice, don't they? But they're just meaningless words in the end."
He loved her. That meant something. The guards were wrong. Kakashi, where are you? She thought.
Sometime later, as she starred up at the ceiling, she tried to use her jutsu to make contact with Konoha. She had tried every day, getting little flashes of her village. Lately she had only been able to see the inside of an office. There was nothing that gave away who's office it was and it was usually empty when she tried. She had never been able to stay long enough. Whatever had been done to her chakra network burned every time she tried to use it. Even now she could feel the uncomfortable sting as she pulled on her chakra.
She was back in a cage this time. Something bloomed in her chest when she realized Inoichi was at the desk. His long blond hair was starting to slip out of the low hanging ponytail. He looked tense as he read over some report.
She warbled helplessly at him, trying to get his attention.
He looked up -
The burning sensation grew more intense, causing her to cry out and drop the connection. She clenched her fists as she tried not to pass out from the pain. She formed the bird seal to try one more time.
"Kotori?" Inoichi was kneeling in front of the birdcage, his palm hovering over her forehead. If she could project her mind into the chakra bird for long enough, Inoichi should be able to get enough intel from her memories. However the invasion of her mind coupled with the burning pain from her chakra was too much. She could see the edges of her vision go fuzzy before losing the connection altogether.
"Captain?" Mimi's worried face came into focus. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, just taking a nap."
Kotori groaned as she sat up. Her head was pounding and she felt dizzy. It also seemed to be much later in the day now. Or at least, she assumed it was later because Mimi and Kouta were back. Both were moving easily which was good. Genin wouldn't have been that skilled at hiding injuries.
The door opened and Ryoku was pushed inside by one of the guards. He was sporting a bloody nose and two swollen eyes. Kotori immediately felt her hackles rise.
"Not so rough!" Ryoku grumbled.
"Well, then next time don't go out of bounds. You're lucky you can still walk." The door slammed shut, leaving the four of them alone once more.
So much for thinking before acting. And Kotori thought he was the reasonable one. She roughly grabbed his chin and inspected Ryoku's injuries. "Well, you'll definitely have two black eyes tomorrow. Let's see if I can help move it along."
She used the smallest amount of chakra to speed up the healing process. She was neither gentle nor particularly skilled with medical ninjutsu but knew how enough to heal bruises.
"Hey - that stings-!" He whined.
"What the hell were you thinking anyway? I told you to be careful."
"It was a calculated risk! I thought that you had a medical kit with your bag," Ryoku smugly told her. He pulled out a sealing scroll from his pockets. With a poof of smoke, the sealing scroll opened to reveal her mission pack and tanto.
Her heart leapt up into her throat. "Did they notice?"
"I don't think so, they only caught me sneaking out of bounds. I made it look like I was heading to the kitchen. They bought it, for now."
They didn't have long before the guards would come for them. Ryoku could be tortured or killed for his disobedience. She couldn't let that happen. Her heart hammered in her chest, adrenaline rushing through her veins. The decision was made.
"Empty the pack, take any ninja tools you need," she quickly instructed as she took the medic kit. "We'll have to travel light."
She choked a painkiller down with some water. While it didn't take away her pain completely, she found she was able to bare weight on her leg and her chakra network no longer felt as agitated. She tested it with a simple henge. She then took a chakra pill for good measure. Kotori didn't want to think of the pain she would be in if the painkiller wore off before the chakra pill did. That was a problem for future-Kotori.
Mimi sniffed the air. "They're coming back."
"How many guards?" Kotori asked her.
"Two."
It was the only warning they had before the door burst open. Ryoku's shadow snapped into place, grabbing hold of both the guards. One of them sneered at him.
"This old trick again? Is that all you can do, boy? When I get out of this I'm going to - "
They never found out what the guard was going to do. Kotori snuck up behind him, slitting his throat with her kunai. She caught him, lowering him to the ground before the noise could alert anyone else.
"You - !"
Before the second guard could call for help, Ryoku's shadow lifted off the ground, piercing the man through the chest. Ryoku was pale-faced and shaken as he released the jutsu. Killing someone, even in self-defence, was not an easy thing.
Kotori put a hand on his shoulder as she gently pushed him towards the door. There would be time to process once they got out of here. In normal circumstances, no one expected a genin to kill. Even when she had been at war, she had never been placed in situations that she had to kill another person. Generally Ensui or other shinobi were around to make that call.
She put a hand on his shoulder. "You did what you had to do."
"I know," he quietly replied.
Both he and Kouta used a henge to disguise themselves as the guards. They grabbed Mimi by the arms as if they had captured her. Meanwhile Kotori used a camouflage jutsu to blend in with the walls. The walk down the corridor was nerve wracking. She could hear people inside the rooms. Every footstep the genin took seemed much too loud and Kotori thought someone would come check. They were almost at the main entrance when a one of the doors slid open, a shinobi poking his head outside.
"What's going on?"
"The brat was being mouthy again," Kouta said, forcing his voice to sound deeper. "So we're going to teach her a lesson."
Kotori told tell that the guard wasn't quite buying it. Impersonating someone amongst their peers was difficult, even with time to prepare. Never mind that it was possible he had some sort of sensory skill. The guard stepped in front of them, blocking their exit.
They were so close. They couldn't get caught now. Kotori ran through the seals of her wind blade jutsu, slitting the man's throat.
"Run," she told the kids, cancelling her camouflage jutsu. "I'll cover you."
Doors were sliding open now as the rest of the enemy shinobi came to see what had happened. The chakra pill had given her more than enough chakra that, for once, her smaller reserves did not matter. Kotori sent a typhoon wind ripping through the corridor, sending everyone flying back and buying her and the kids time to get outside. Once outside, she bit her thumb before slapping the palm of her hand on the ground. She could feel the angry burn of her chakra as she called on her summon. She pushed through the sensation of white hot needles stabbing the insides of her arm. The painkiller was wearing off quicker than she had thought.
It didn't matter. She was so close to freedom. With a blinding flash of light she could see the outline of her faithful partner. Hope soared in her heart as she watched Raiden take to the air, his wings beating as he sent a gust of wind that once sent the guards flying back.
"Stop them!" She could hear someone shout.
Raiden pulled up beside them so that the kids could jump on. Kotori made sure they were secure first before she eyed the space on Raiden's back. While it was true that three kids took up less space than three adults, there still wasn't enough room for a fourth person. The realization hit her in the chest.
She wasn't getting out of here.
She'd have to do the next best thing then. Kotori made eye contact with her trusted ninja hawk. She gave a tight smile as she ruffled the feathers on his head. In low tunes she said, "Get them to Konoha. I'll give you time."
"Kotori - " There was understanding in Raiden's voice. "I'll come back as soon as I can."
Konoha had to be at least a day's journey for him. Kotori doubted she would last that long. She could only keep this up so long before the painkiller wore off completely and she was once again at the mercy of Gyoku's men. Only this time she knew they would not be so merciful. They would be furious.
"I'll be right behind you," she lied to the kids. "I'm just going to make a distraction first. Go!"
She saw Raiden take to the sky with the three genin on his back. Every minute she could hold off the enemy was another minute the kids had to get further away from here.
I'm sorry, Kakashi. I'll try my best.
Unfortunately her best just wasn't enough.
She lasted all of ten minutes before the enemy had her surrounded. Her hands formed the seals as she prepared to shoot another lightning arrow. However her muscle spasmed, jerking her arm up. The arrow misfired, shooting straight up into the air. She watched as it exploded in the sky above them. A searing pain ripped through her arm, causing her to cry out. It felt like lightning coursing through her body, electrocuting her from the inside.
Gyoku started laughing. "You foolish girl. Let me guess, you took a painkiller to numb the pain and then a solider pill to replenish your chakra? It's what most would do. Haven't you figured out what my jutsu does yet? It burns through your body's chakra network. That chakra pill is like throwing oil on top of a fire. You're starting to feel it, aren't you? The painkiller isn't holding up as long as it should. You'll be begging for death before long."
She sunk to her knees, no longer able to see or hear or think. The pain was all consuming. There was a terrible, inhuman screaming noise that might have been coming from her. She didn't know. She didn't care. She just wanted the pain to stop. And then, finally, it did. Kotori slumped forward, prepared to join her family at last. She could hear them calling to her as darkness overtook her.
The chirping of a thousand birds.