Kakashi watched as the lightning bolt exploded somewhere in the distance. Hope sparked in his chest for the first time in weeks.
Kotori.
He knew without a doubt that it had to be her. Every instinct in his body was abuzz, urging him to rush to her. They had been tracking Gyoku's team for several days across the Land of Rice Paddies, gathering intel from the locals about a group of shinobi in the area. No one knew where they were staying, but there was definitely an increase in activity. The locals were wary of strangers and hesitant to tell them much. It didn't help that Kakashi's patience was already razor thin when dealing with them.
The crack of thunder followed as Kakashi mentally did the math. They were less than ten kilometres away.
He could hear Yugao's startled gasp. "Is that - ?"
"Let's go," he said. He didn't want to waste a single second.
Kakashi took off at a mad dash, knowing that the others would catch up. He was halfway there when he heard a high-pitched, agonized scream. Fear blooded his veins that he would be too late.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in and then released it, focusing on his chakra network. It was a technique that he had tried to copy from Gai, although he had only figured out how to partially do it before Gai caved and taught him the first two steps. That was all Kakashi needed, that extra boost. He could feel the extra flow of chakra as he opened the first gate, allowing him to push himself faster than ever. He pulled his hand back as chidori formed. The sharingan locked onto Kotori kneeling on the ground, a shinobi had her arms pinned behind her back while she whimpered from pain. He rushed towards the shinobi, chidori piercing them in the chest before they even knew what hit them. He slid to a stop, splitting himself into two clones that stood protectively between Kotori and the rest of the enemy.
"Look who finally showed up," Gyoku chuckled. "I've decided to rescind my offer to trade your girlfriend for your sharingan. She's useless to me now. That ANBU seal will turn her body to ash soon enough."
He ignored Gyoku as he knelt next to Kotori, his hands on her shoulders as he tried to reassure her. "Kotori - Tori-chan, it's alright. I'm here."
She was crying as she trembled, her eyes screwed shut in pain as a litany of pleas tumbling from her mouth. Her hands curled up towards her head, pulling on her hair. "P-please, no, make it stop - just make it stop!"
He blinked open the sharingan, trying to find out the source of her pain. He could see the foreign jutsu burning through her chakra network like an angry inferno.
"What did you do to her?" He snarled, looking up at Gyoku.
"Oh, she did this to herself," Gyoku said. The man gave a cruel smile. "She's in excruciating pain, you know. It would be a mercy to kill her now. I'm sure your chidori would do the trick."
No. Absolutely not. Not again. There had to be something else. He would do just about anything to take her pain away. He would bear it himself if he could. However, he didn't know how to do either. His hands were those of a fighter, not of a healer. He had copied over a thousand jutsu and couldn't think of a single one that would help her.
Except -
Kakashi brushed his thumb underneath her eye, carefully prying one open so that he could make eye contact. He used the sharingan to cast a powerful genjutsu that would put her in a deep sleep. She went quiet as she slumped forward into his arms. He caught her, cradling her into his chest. She would feel no pain this way. Satoshi was at his side seconds later, green medical ninjutsu casting an eerie glow.
Entrusting her to Satoshi's care, he lifted himself up to face Gyoku. He knew Yugao and Tenzo were behind him, forming a ring.
"She really believed in you, you know," Gyoku chuckled. "She maintained right up until the end that you wouldn't abandon her."
Kakashi's fists curled as he listened, his rage shimmering just below the surface.
"Captain - " Tenzo quietly said from his right. "Don't listen to him."
Kakashi knew the other man was baiting him. Trying to get a rise out of him and force him to react out of emotion. It was how many shinobi made careless mistakes. Kakashi didn't care. He should know what she went through. He should know what she suffered for his failure. Every single minute.
"- I don't think she would remember half of it, if that's any consolation. Some of my men thought it was fun to drug her, others liked her more aware."
Kakashi barely registered the thought that this man was going to die now. White, hot rage overtook him as he lunged forward. He was no longer in control of his anger; it was in control of him. For every second of pain Gyoku had put Kotori through, he would suffer tenfold. Kakashi wanted to rip out the bastard's heart with his own two hands and make him choke on it. He could feel the burning sensation in his hand, the crunch of bone and splatter of blood. Chidori crackled as he removed his hand from the man's chest.
And then he kept going.
Until a tree root shot up from the ground, wrapping itself around his arm and restraining him, snapping him out of his blind rage. Tenzo cautiously approached from the side.
"Let me go, Tenzo! I'm going to rip his fucking throat out for what he did to her."
"You already have," Tenzo quietly responded. With that, the wooden binds released, slipping back into the earth.
Kakashi felt as if he were in a daze as he starred down at the bloody mess under him. There was nothing that could be recognized as Gyoku. He could still hear the crackling of electricity and feel the burning, stinging sensation in his hand. Everything seemed to be moving too slowly around him. Kakashi looked around the field they were in. Satoshi had Kotori lying on her back as he attended to her. Yugao was sealing a captured shinobi into one of her storage scrolls.
"Most of Gyoku's men took off. Cat and I were able to capture two of them. I sent a clone to inspect the house and search for the genin, but they're nowhere to be found. There's - " Tenzo trailed off, uncertainly. "Why don't you stay with Kotori-san? We'll handle it."
He barely paid attention as Tenzo spoke. Barely felt it when Tenzo used a water jutsu to wash the blood off his hands. He silently knelt next to Kotori, longing to reach out and hold her hand, to brush her bangs out of her eyes. However he was terrified he would somehow hurt her. She looked so small and vulnerable. Her normally warm, olive skin looked swallow. He could see the dark shadows under her eyes. The bruising and lacerations that covered her arms. He had known that she could be injured. However he had hoped that she wouldn't be. Just what had they done to her?
Kakashi was vaguely aware that another ANBU team had arrived. He could hear Captain Badger softly exchanging a few words with Tenzo and Yugao. He knew he should stand up and take the lead on this. However he couldn't find the will to get up off his knees.
"I did this to her," he muttered.
Satoshi gently brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face. "No, Captain. Putting her into a coma was the best thing you could have done for her. She doesn't feel any pain this way."
Kakashi didn't answer. That wasn't what he meant. She wouldn't have been captured if Gyoku hadn't targeted him. She wouldn't have been hurt if it wasn't for him. He hated himself more than anyone in that moment. More than Gyoku or any of his team - and Kakashi hated them too with a burning passion. He had known for years that Kotori could be used against him. He had known and selfishly put his desires above her safety. Kotori had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. And he had been the worst thing that had happened to her.
"We'll take over from here. The rest of my team is about an hour or so by foot. Luckily we ran into Hawk's bird and those kids," Badger's voice drifted in and out.
"You found the genin team?" Yugao this time.
"Yeah, Gecko and Squirrel are taking them back to Konoha. They're in good shape, considering- " Badger awkwardly trailed off. "How is Hawk?"
Satoshi sighed. "She needs to be treated by a specialist. This is beyond my skill."
"Well, let's not waste time then," Ensui was speaking now. Did he arrive with Badger? Kakashi hadn't noticed. "Raiden can take her back. We'll finish up here."
"I'll take her back," Kakashi quietly spoke.
"Of course," Ensui sounded gentle for once. "Wouldn't expect otherwise. You can fit three, Bear - ?"
It was unanimously agreed that Kakashi and Satoshi would escort Kotori back on Raiden. Tenzo and Yugao would remain behind with Badger and Ensui. Once the rest of Team Fu arrived, they would secure the farm and track the remains of Gyoku's team. Yugao handed Kakashi a pair of scrolls to give to Interrogation.
She squeezed his arm. "Give Kotori our best. Take care, all right? We'll see you soon."
Kakashi looked around, making eye contact with Ensui. The stag mask hid any expression, however Kakashi could see the eye holes somehow get darker as he nodded. A silent promise that Kakashi found more reassuring than anything Tenzo or Badger could say. It was a promise that the rest of Gyoku's men would die a painful death.
The flight back was subdued. Kakashi barely spoke, keeping his eyes trained on the horizon, scanning for any enemies. He held Kotori tightly to his chest the entire time. The ninja hawk dropped them off at the hidden ANBU entrance and gave them a salute before taking flight once more, disappearing into the horizon. The on-duty doctor rushed over towards them once in the emergency room, directing a pair of nurses to bring a gurney. Satoshi took charge as he filled in the doctor on her status.
"She was tortured by an unknown jutsu that left extensive damage to her chakra network. We'll need one of the Hyuga to take a better look."
Kakashi wavered for a moment, suddenly terrified of letting her go. What if she died in surgery and he never saw her again?
"Captain?" Satoshi gently prompted him. "I'll be going with them. She's in good hands."
He put her on the gurney, squeezing her hand one last time. He watched long after as they wheeled her away, the door slipping shut behind them.
Kakashi paced back and forth as minutes turned into hours. He felt trapped, like some wild animal. There had to be something he could do. Kakashi stared helplessly at the door that led into the operating room. He was torn between wanting to stay and wait by Kotori's side, but also wanting to hunt down those who had hurt her. He wanted every last one of those pieces of scum removed from this earth.
The storage scrolls sat heavy in his flak jacket. He would start with those.
There was no telling how much longer Kotori would be in surgery. He trusted Satoshi would find him should anything happen. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he forced himself to walk away. The Hokage was tied up in meetings and that was probably for the best. Kakashi wasn't keen on seeing him or his advisors at the moment. He instead gave his report to Hinoki, who had been left in charge of ANBU for the afternoon.
"That will be all, Captain Hound," she tiredly said. She then signed off a form that she had received the verbal report and passed it for him to sign. Her face softened as her eyes scanned him. "I'm putting you off on compassionate leave for the time being. Don't worry about anything. I will personally handle your team and the investigation from here, alright?"
Compassionate leave. It was only used when a loved one was critically ill or injured and at risk of dying. He swallowed thickly as he nodded. Nothing short of a village-wide emergency would pull him away from Kotori. His team would be in good hands. Hinoki was one of the best in their organization. Not only a powerful kunoichi, but also a proven leader with a high mission success rate and low death rate. Something few in the ANBU Black Ops could boast about. He still hesitated to turn the mission over and hand her the scrolls. The burning desire to do something consumed him.
"I want to be part of the interrogation."
Hinoki folded her arms on top of her desk. Kakashi tried not let her cool gaze intimidate him. He couldn't help but feel like a misbehaving genin when she looked at him like that. Hinoki had been Asuma, Raidou and Kurenai's sensei. She had often played the bad cop to Minato's good cop when the two teams were placed together.
As a result, Hinoki knew him better than he'd like to admit.
"So that you can torture yourself more by what happened?" Hinoki asked. "I'm not letting you do that. Hawk will tell you if she wants you to know. The immediate danger has passed, she's safe now. She'll have a long, hard recovery ahead of her and needs you to be present, not beating yourself up in the past. I will let you know when the mission is complete. I don't want to see you here until then, understood?"
They were interrupted when Satoshi knocked on the door, his large frame imposing as he leaned in the doorway. The bear mask covered his face and Kakashi felt his chest constrict.
"Captain Panda, Captain Hound," Satoshi greeted. "Hawk is out of surgery if you - "
Kakashi didn't want for him to finish, already rushing towards the hospital with Satoshi hot on his heel.
"Captain, wait-!"
He reached the waiting area to find Kosuke and Aimi already there with the doctor from earlier. The three of them were speaking in hushed tones. Someone must have alerted them that Kotori was in the hospital as Kakashi hadn't thought to do it. Silent tears were streaming down Kosuke's face and for a moment, Kakashi feared the worst. She gave him a sad smile when she noticed him, reaching out to squeeze his arm.
"Shiori-sensei was just providing us an update, they have Kotori-chan in a chakra induced coma. I don't understand - they won't say - what happened?"
Aimi crossed her arms, lifting an eyebrow as if to ask as well. They both knew he couldn't tell Kosuke much. Shinobi outside of ANBU weren't privy to the details of their missions and civilians even less.
"There was an issue on a mission," Kakashi vaguely replied. Then he fixed his attention to the doctor. "How is she?"
"As I was saying, we were able to stabilize Kotori-san," the doctor, Shiori, replied. "We removed the foreign jutsu, but it left extensive damage to her chakra network. She'll need more surgeries to repair it. Even then, we won't know the full extent of the damage until Asahi-sensei is able to take a look at it."
"Is she awake?" Kakashi asked.
"No," Shiori said. "I understand you used the sharingan to place her under a genjutsu induced coma. We thought it would be best to leave her - her condition is still very fragile and painful."
"But you can heal her." Kakashi felt his insides freeze. A shinobi without use of their chakra system was defenceless. She would be forced to retire and live as a civilian. He would protect Kotori should that happen. He would always protect her. But he needed to be assured that she would wake up.
"We're doing everything we can. In the meantime, it may be helpful to talk to her, let her know you're here. Would you like to see her?"
"Why don't you go in first?" Kosuke said. "We'll give you some privacy."
He froze the moment he entered the room. Kotori had always been small in statue, however her presence made her seem much larger. She filled the room with life and energy in every situation. It was what drew others to her. People noticed when Kotori was around. But now she seemed so much smaller. She was too still, too quiet, too lifeless. The only sound in the room was the buzz of the machines hooked up to her.
He sat down in the plastic chair someone had placed next to her bed. His legs feeling as if they had given out from under him. He traced his thumb over the familiar scar on the palm of her hand and then brushed over her knuckles. They had been bruised as if she had punched something, or more likely, someone. Her arms were wrapped in a gaze that smelt like medicine.
"Hey, it's me," he said, the words sticking to the back of his throat. In that moment, all of the fear, the worry, the stress, the helplessness, the overwhelming guilt he had felt over the last several days threatened to choke him. The words stumbled out as he held her hand. "I'm so sorry, I should have been there sooner, I should have stopped him from taking you, I should have - I should have - "
Finally he broke, everything that he had been holding back came flooding out at once. He could feel the tears from both eyes now, blinding his vision in his normal eye. "It should have been me. It should have never been you. I should have protected you better, I should have given myself up. Tori-chan, you need to wake up. I can't lose you. I'll do anything. Please."
However no tearful confession or bargaining had any affect. The days blurred into each other. Kakashi showed up for visiting hours every morning and left when the nurses kicked him out at midnight. She had a series of surgeries to repair her chakra system. Each time, he was overcome with anxiety as he waited for news.
"Kotori-san's condition is stable and the surgery was successful," Shiori informed him. "We were able to repair as much damage to her chakra system as we could, however we won't know if she'll be able to use it until she wakes up."
"And when will she wake?" He could tell that the doctor was becoming uncomfortable under his stare. Shiori appeared calm and poised however she fidgeted with clipboard and took a step back before speaking.
"That we don't know. Best case scenario would be a few days, maybe a week? However, the longer she stays in the coma, the more likely it becomes that she won't wake from it."
"That doesn't sound very successful," he flatly said. "And what if she doesn't wake?"
"Let's take this one day at a time," Shiori gently replied. "Her body has been through a lot and needs time to heal. There's no reason to believe she won't recover and wake up on her own."
And so he waited. He stayed at Kotori's apartment the nights the nurses sent him away. Her pillows still had her scent and some mornings he could almost forgot. Then reality would come crashing back the moment he opened his eyes and she wasn't there. Other nights he stayed at his own apartment, feeling unworthy of that small comfort. No matter where he stayed, his sleep was restless and plagued with nightmares.
During the day, Satoshi was in and out of the hospital room. Kakashi wasn't sure if he was checking up on Kotori or him half the time. Kosuke and Aimi seemed to take shifts visiting. Aimi would stop by on her lunch, dumping a bento on Kakashi's lap and dragging a plastic chair to Kotori's left side. She would awkwardly make one-sided conversation.
"I was thinking, when you're feeling better, we should start training together again," Aimi tearfully said. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Just the two of us. I've been neglecting my taijutsu again and you'd be doing me a favour, really."
Kosuke would stop by for an hour or so after she finished work, usually with her daughters. The depressing and sterile room was soon decorated with handmade cards and bouquets of wildflowers. Genma had come by with the trio of genin and Kakashi had quickly left the room. He couldn't handle the Inuzuka girl's tearful questions. He couldn't bear to be around them, knowing that Kotori's final act had been to protect them. She was kind and selfless and brave and he knew she wouldn't have hesitated to put them before herself. It's what any good shinobi would do. He understand that, it just didn't make it any easier.
As the days stretched into a week, Kakashi began to fear that Kotori would never wake up. He started hounding the doctors for answers they didn't have. His attention slowly shifted more and more to the mission in the Land of Rice Paddies. Team Fu still hadn't returned to the village and Hinoki hadn't provided him any information. The thought that some of those men might still be alive while his beloved girlfriend lay comatose fuelled the fire that had been quietly burning for weeks, growing into a raging inferno. He couldn't let it go.
He poked his head inside the ANBU Commander's office. Sarutobi Masato and his wife were both inside, eating dinner as they worked into the evening. It was a common enough sight, although most ANBU didn't dare come into Masato's office uninvited.
Kakashi wasn't most ANBU.
"I thought I told you, if I catch you here again I would demote you back to genin," Hinoki half- heartedly threatened.
It was an idle threat and they both knew it. The organization needed him a lot more than he needed it. That was further evidenced from how forgiving the Hokage had been when Kakashi left Konoha on an unauthorized mission with three of their best ANBU.
"Any news?"
Masato tilted his head and considered him. Not for the first time, Kakashi thought Masato looked strikingly like his younger brother, Asuma. However while Asuma had a more laid-back energy to him, Masato always seemed tense.
Hinoki looked at her husband. "You can't seriously consider - "
"If not him, then who?" Masato said. "Our intel tells us that Gyoku's second in command was in The Land of Lightning at the time with a group of three men. Team Fu is still tracking through the Land of Rice Paddies. I was considering sending out Team Hi."
Kakashi could hear the hesitation in Masato's voice. Captain Lion was their most seasoned ANBU captain. The grizzled war veteran had survived both the second and third wars. He was tough and his team among the best.
"You don't think they could handle the mission," Kakashi said. It wasn't a question, but rather a statement. He could see the regret in Masato's eyes.
"The only person I have seen go up against Arata or Gyoku and come out alive is you. Arata has managed to evade the five great villages for decades. He's in everyone's Bingo Books for his crimes. Danzo and Koharu are pressuring my father to consider the matter closed. Especially now that Hawk and the genin are found and Gyoku is dead. They consider that enough of a victory. I can't justify losing anyone else over what is now a quest for vengeance."
"I will go."
"I figured as much," Masato said. "I don't make the decision to ask you to leave Hawk's side lightly. However I know I wouldn't be satisfied in your shoes."
Masato's eyes slid to his wife and Hinoki huffed.
"And I wouldn't be pleased if my thick-headed husband went off on a suicide mission on my behalf." Hinoki lowered her head as she sighed, "But I don't see any other way. I hate it when your father lets criminals get away. Itachi, Orochimaru - it kills me every time. We'd all be better off with one less psychopath out there."
"I can leave today," Kakashi offered.
Masto nodded as he handed over the mission scroll. "I can send Gecko and Squirrel with you. Meet them at the gates in one hour."
Kakashi prepared for the mission in record time. He only had one stop he needed to make before he met up with Genma and Raidou.
"I'll be gone for a few weeks," Kakashi solemnly told Kotori. He had knelt down next to the bed as he spoke, his hand holding hers. "I'm going to hurt down the bastards who did this to you. Just get better. For me. I love you."
He placed a letter addressed to her on the night stand along with a bouquet of flowers. Then he kissed her forehead before pulling the mask back in place and walking away.