Five years previously...
Kotori crouched down and grabbed her discarded clothing from the night before.
Oh Kotori, what have you gotten yourself into this time? She chided herself. She normally didn't spend the night.
Kotori didn't do one night stands. She didn't like drinking and stumbling home drunk with some stranger at the bar. The thought of being naked and vulnerable around a stranger, even one from Konoha, made her skin crawl. Never mind her panic attack three years ago after a night of drinking with Izumo and Kotetsu. After being in ANBU, after being captured - Kotori didn't think she could truly feel safe around anyone she didn't know.
She also did not want another romantic relationship. Flirty comments and tumbling in bed she could do. However putting herself out there only to risk having her heart crushed into tiny pieces again? No. Absolutely not. She could still remember how she was left to pick up the pieces the first time, clumsily reassembling them back together. She could still feel the cracks and holes that he left behind.
Which lead Kotori to her current predicament because she was still a woman with needs. Aimi and Yugao's solution to her pent up sexual frustration was to suggest a friends with benefits situation. Enter... Yamashiro Aoba. They had plenty of mutual friends and for years had always been on the edges of each other's social circles. Then more recently, they had gotten better acquainted because they were among the group of jonin leaders for the same age group.
So this little arrangement worked out well. There was no pillow talk, no spending the night, no cuddling. Just taking care of physical needs. Aoba seemed fine with that. Smug about it even. He took great pleasure in slipping her dirty notes, meeting up for 'sparring matches', making sure she got home 'safe' after a night out at the bar. Everything was going well.
Until Aoba started treating her differently.
He had ditched the arrogance around her, letting her see a side of him that few saw. Then he started spending more time with her in public. Waving her over to come join him whenever he saw her around the village. Finding excuses to sit next to her when they were with mutual friends. Partnering their genin teams together for missions and training. Even sex somehow felt more intimate. Then last night he had held her to his chest after they were done, quietly asking her to spend the night.
She had been so warm and content. And it had been such a long time since she spent the night in someone's arms. Kotori had found herself sleepily agreeing to it.
And now she was stealthily creeping around Aoba's room, trying to locate her panties while cursing her own stupidity. They had a perfectly good thing going and just had to complicate it. Aoba rolled into the spot she had vacated on the bed, a slight frown across his face as if searching for her missing body heat. Kotori froze in her tracks, hoping he didn't wake up. She decided she didn't need her panties anyway. She had plenty of others. She shimmied into her black jonin pants, choosing to go commando for the few minutes it would take to get to her apartment.
She silently slid open the window, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to make her escape. Creeeeaaak!
Aoba bolted upright because no jonin in their right mind would sleep through the unmistakable crack of their window being opened.
They stared at each other. Kotori hanging half out the window, ready to disappear. Might as well get this over with.
"Good morning," she brightly chirped. "I was, ah - "
"You don't have to leave right away," Aoba chuckled. He looked bashful for a moment, something unexpected when he was usually so sure of himself. "Why don't you stay for breakfast?"
Kotori knew she needed to end this situation before he got even more attached. Aoba deserved better than someone too broken for a relationship.
"I should really get going," Kotori tried to explain. "I have a lot to do before training."
"Let me guess, you're going to pack cute little bentos for your students. And then you're going to plan special training schedules for each of them."
Well, he had her there. Immediately she started making her excuses. "Mimi-chan never remembers to bring her own and they have chunin exams coming up, I just want them to be prepared!"
"I didn't mean it in a bad way," he chuckled. "I think it's adorable. You're the most dedicated jonin instructor I've ever met. It's what I admire about you."
She felt her cheeks flush at the compliment.
"Why don't we plan our training out together," Aoba suggested, still trying to talk her off the literal and metaphorical edge. "And I'll save you some time by taking everyone out to lunch instead?"
"Wait, you want to take all six of our teenaged students out to lunch?" Kotori skeptically asked. She knew how much her students could eat... especially if someone else was footing the bill. And if that someone happened to be a guy trying to impress their sensei, Kotori had a feeling that bill would be astronomical.
"Well, let no one ever say you are a cheap date." Aoba sheepishly scratched the back of his head.
Kotori rolled her eyes. "I went home with you pretty easily."
"That wasn't a date. I think you realize by now that I want more than that."
She lifted her eyes up to meet Aoba's, choosing to end this as swiftly and painlessly as she could.
"And I think you know that I can never give you what you want. After last night - maybe we should stop doing this."
He wasn't going to let her get away so easily. "Look, we both know Kakashi had issues, but that was about him, not you. You deserve to be happy and I think I could - "
"I need to go now," Kotori abruptly cut him off, disappearing over the window ledge and hitting the ground running. She hated talking about her ex and Aoba damn well knew it.
Kotori was about five minutes late meeting her team at Training Ground Three. They normally didn't reserve this one, however their preferred training field had already been signed out all week. She walked up to Kouta and Ryoku who were watching their more unruly teammate.
"Go home, puppy," Mimi scoffed at her younger cousin, Kiba. She was standing on one of the wooden training posts, hands on hips. "Run along and play with your friends!"
Akamaru was running around under Kikumari's legs and barking up at her. The little ninken pup just as feisty as his human partner. In response, the fully grown ninken let out a low growl.
Kotori internally groaned. She mostly let Inuzuka issues be Inuzuka issues. Mimi and her half- siblings and cousins were always bickering and play fighting. However Kotori didn't like it when it spilled over into training. Mimi's younger cousin, Kiba, had recently graduated and the two were always at each other's throats. Sometimes quite literally. And now there was a dispute because Mimi had signed out a training field and Kiba had attempted to steal it out from under her. Mimi was not one to roll over and let that happen.
"Yeah, well I call dibs! I was here first, flea bag!" Kiba growled at her. He then proceeded to write his name over Mimi's on the sign-out schedule posted next to the field.
Kotori couldn't believe the audacity of the younger Inuzuka, especially since she was right here. Most genin tried to conduct themselves politely around other jonin instructors. She was a little too amused to intervene. No doubt Kurenai would knock some sense into him and teach him proper etiquette. Kotori was trying to let Mimi handle problems on her own. Her students were quickly growing up and she wouldn't always be there to help them.
A familiar blond haired kid was bouncing up and down next to them, an orange tornado of chaos and fury that matched the Inuzuka cousins.
"Hey, this is our field! We always train here!"
Kiba smirked. "Well, I don't see your name on it, Naruto."
"Your name wasn't on it until two seconds ago!" Mimi shrieked. "You know what, I'm going to knock some sense in your ugly, thick skull!"
Mimi attempted to punch Kiba, only for him to retaliate and hit her back. Akamaru ran off, hiding behind Kikumari who started growling at Kiba.
Kouta twitched beside Kotori. "She never learns does she?"
Ryoku crossed his arms. "One of these days she's going to run her mouth off at someone bigger and stronger than her."
"You two are ones to talk," Kotori sighed. She loved her kids, really, however Kotori would be the first to admit that none of them were little angels. Teenagers. For the umpteenth time she silently apologized for whatever bratty behaviour she had done as a teenager to deserve this.
"Sensei, you wound me!" Kouta dramatically told her.
"Mmm, I think your ego can take it." Kotori sighed, this had gone on long enough and she supposed she should do the adult thing and intervene before Mimi or Kiba did any serious damage.
She stepped into the middle of the fray, catching a punch meant for Kiba and twisting Mimi's arm behind her back. She fixed both of them with a firm stare. Just like their ninken, the Inuzuka responded well to authority and being reminded to who was in charge. Both of them lowered their eyes to the ground.
"Mimi-chan, stop trying to kill your cousin. You're older and know better than that. Kiba-kun, you need to sign out training fields. You can't just show up and call dibs. If you two don't start getting along, I'll handcuff you together until you work out your differences. And Naruto-kun, where is your teacher?"
Or who was his teacher for that matter. She didn't think Naruto belonged to Kurenai's team, but hadn't really paid much attention to this new batch of rookies. They were three years younger than her kids and the chances of them interacting were slim to none. Now that she looked at the kids, she realized that Uchiha Sasuke and a pink-haired kunoichi were standing off to the side. Both looked less-than-impressed at Naruto and Kiba's antics. She supposed this was the rest of Naruto's team. Kotori wondered who Lord Third could have possibly asked to handle both the jinchuriki and the last remaining Uchiha. Few jonin would be up to the task. She didn't see a teacher with them, which seemed odd.
"Yo, sorry I'm late I - " came an all-too-familiar voice.
Kotori's heart stopped beating. No. Of all the people, she didn't want to deal with him.
She hadn't known he had taken a genin team. She had heard through the Konoha rumour mill that he had been forced out of ANBU and was off running solo missions over the last two years. Yugao and Genma had been scarce with the details and Kotori avoided the subject of her ex anyway. As far as Kotori was concerned, Hatake Kakashi was dead to her.
She had been so upset. So angry. So hurt. Her mind had kept replaying that conversation over and over again. She had cried. She had begged. She had wanted to take it all back. She had wanted a do-over. She had wanted to track Kakashi down and bring hell to his doorstep. How could he claim to love her and then leave her like that? He had been such a selfish asshole. He had taken her trauma and made it all about him and his feelings and had never spared a second to consider hers.
She had never caught so much as a glimpse of silver hair since that day. Kakashi had immediately taken off on a mission, probably so he wouldn't have to face her in the village. Her chakra bird network had been dismantled during her captivity. She had still been recovering and too weak to track down him herself. Then by the time she had physically recovered, she no longer had any desire to see him again. Kotori had cycled through the pain and the anger and had finally reached acceptance. Their relationship was over. Even if Kakashi came crawling back, begging her for forgiveness, she wouldn't give it to him.
She swallowed down the bitter rage that filled her, determined to take her team elsewhere. Fortunately she didn't need to say anything. Naruto and his teammates started yelling and pointing at Kakashi.
"You're late! Again!"
Kotori used the momentary distraction to grab Mimi by the shoulder, ignoring the girl's disgruntled "hey!" and leading her as far away from the training field as she could. The boys rushed after her.
"Hey, Kotori-sensei! What was that all about?" Kouta needled her.
"Nothing, just decided we're going to do something a little different today," Kotori loftily replied.
She had originally wanted to spar one on one with Ryoku and Mimi to prepare them for the upcoming chunin exams. Kouta had been promoted during the exams hosted in Taki last year. Kotori had received feedback from the judges for her remaining students and had been trying to improve the areas where they were lacking. Now she would have to come up with another lesson. She thought they were more than ready to be promoted. After that, she would stay with them for a few more months as they took their first couple of missions as chunin.
Kotori loved teaching genin. If she could have her way, she would do this permanently and never go back to ANBU. She was hoping to ask Lord Third to allow her to take another group. She still did the odd mission for the Black Ops and had retained a spot on Team Fu. However Kotori was more than content to leave those days behind her. Time away had given her time to reflect. The only positives about her past experience were her teammates who she had been exceptionally close with. Kotori might have had the skills to be an ANBU, but she didn't like doing it.
Kotori was interrupted from her train of thought by Ryoku.
"It doesn't have anything to do with that weird kid, Naruto, does it? Everyone avoids him."
"Probably because he smells funny," Mimi scoffed.
Kotori froze at their words, not wanting them to speculate about Naruto. The poor boy had a difficult enough life without her students thinking there was an actual reason for people's distrust.
"This has nothing to do with Naruto-kun. I just didn't realize - " she waved her hand dismissively. No point hiding things from her students. "His teacher is a jerk. I didn't feel like ruining a perfectly good day."
"Oh yeah! Wait, wasn't he a friend of yours?" Kouta curiously asked.
"No. He was my former ANBU captain."
There was enough truth in the statement to pass the lie detector that was Mimi's nose. However she couldn't get past the knowing grin Kouta was giving her. He had always been her most socially astute student. Having come to his own conclusions, he seemed content to drop the matter.
"Well, being as you need training for the upcoming exams, what do you think you need to improve?"
Mimi looked downcast. "Without Kouta, the first exam is going to be a challenge. Isn't Ibiki creating it?"
"Nothing like a little B and E," Ryoku said. "He must have the test somewhere. What's the worst that can happen?"
Kotori smiled at them. Cheating was a time-honoured tradition in the chunin exams. "Well, just don't get caught. I wouldn't want Ibiki to be the one to catch me breaking into his department. And pick up Daichi-kun while you're at it, it'll be good for the three of you to practice together."
Aoba's last remaining student needed a team for the exams so Kotori had offered to sign him up with hers. She internally sighed. That meant she would have to collaborate with Aoba over the next two weeks on training anyway. That was going to be difficult when she was trying to put space between them.
Ryoku gave her a salute as he dragged Mimi off, the two of them disappearing into the village. Kotori sent a chakra bird after them, making sure they didn't cause too much trouble. After breaking out of Gyoku's hideout when they were just twelve, Ibiki's office should be a walk in the park for them. And should they get caught, Ibiki would know they were her kids. Kotori knew all of the shinobi in charge expected the genin to attempt to cheat, encouraged it even, so they wouldn't face any real consequences. Most likely Ibiki would scare them and impress upon them the importance of not getting caught. The worse consequence would be failing the exam and having to do it again.
So that left Kouta. Kotori had been trying to give him more leadership experience, putting him in charge of missions and deferring to him on them.
"So, what's next for you?" She asked him.
Kouta's pale blue eyes lifted to hers. "I wanted to try for ANBU."
She had known all three of her students wanted to become ANBU. They made no secret of it over the years. Kotori had tried to downplay her past, but they seemed to think it was 'cool'. She hoped that wasn't their main reason for wanting to join the Black Ops. They still seemed so young. Kouta would be sixteen next month. But then again, she had been seventeen when she had first joined ANBU. It felt like a lifetime ago.
She gave him a playful push. "Hm, well, I might know a thing or two about ANBU training. It won't be easy though, and involves getting up at the crack of dawn for private practice."
He didn't even complain about the early morning training and that's how Kotori knew he was completely serious.
xXx
"Yo, sorry I'm late I - " The excuse he was about to offer died in his throat the moment he saw her.
His eye drank her in as a dying man drank water. This was the closest he had been to Kotori in years. He had never stopped loving her. Even if he could no longer be with her.
However he was quite certain Kotori hated him. He hated himself for what he had done to her. A deep regret and self-loathing filled his entire chest. Time and distance had given him perspective. And what an ugly perspective that had been when he finally realized what he had done. She had trusted him. She had needed him. She had begged him to stay. And he had abandoned her. Obito has been right all those years ago. He was a piece of trash.
"Hey, aren't you listening?" Naruto huffed. "You didn't even bother with an excuse this time, Kakashi-sensei."
Kakashi blinked, staring down at his students. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't heard them finish berating him. Normally he enjoyed winding them up. "Oh, see, I came across this pretty song bird. I had to move very slowly not to scare her off."
The kids looked equally unimpressed with his excuse, however they dropped the matter.
Kakashi gave Naruto and Sasuke instructions to spar with each other while he worked with Sakura. It seemed like a good day to teach her how to recognize and dispel genjutsu. He had been meaning to do that since he had trapped her in a genjutsu during his little test. There just didn't seem to be enough time between improving their taijutsu, getting them mission experience and now preparing them for the chunin exams. Kakashi was under pressure from the Hokage's office as they wanted to showcase Sasuke, the last Uchiha, during the exams. If he had it his way, Kakashi wouldn't enter them until next year. Unfortunately the decision wasn't up to Kakashi. Not truly. While he had been the one to nominate them and sign the forms, it was only because Homura had suggested putting Sasuke with a pair of older genin. Kakashi decided he would just let Naruto fail Ibiki's test and knock all three out the first round. Most of the other jonin were helping their students develop strategies for the exams. Kakashi had cheerfully sent Naruto home with a stack of textbooks to study. He knew Naruto was too honest to cheat and - if Kakashi were being brutally honest - not smart enough to answer the questions on his own.
Once Sakura had reached her limit for the day, Kakashi called off the boys. "Why don't we wrap this up and I'll take you three out to dinner?"
Sasuke gave him an unimpressed look. "Don't you have something better to do than hang around us all day?"
Kakashi scratched the back of his head. Leave it to Sasuke to imply that he had no life. Not that he had much of one these days. With a genin team to train, Kakashi spent more time in the village than he had in years. After taking solo missions for the better part of the last two years, being on a team again had gotten him used to human companionship. The silence of his small studio apartment was starting to get unbearable after the noise that came with dealing with Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura.
He found himself missing the old days. Seeing Kotori, even if only for a minute, had brought back a wave of nostalgia.
It wasn't like things could ever go back to the way they were. He didn't just end things with Kotori. In his grief and anger, Kakashi had attempted to sever every bond he had. While most of his friend's didn't agree with the breakup, they still tried to remain friends. Something that Kakashi made incredibly difficult for them. The only friend Kakashi hadn't completely isolated was Gai and it hadn't been for lack of trying either. In Yugao's words, he became "an insufferable arsehole", a "miserable bastard" and "a real piece of shit". Satoshi had gotten noticeably colder forwards him. Genma wanted nothing to do with him after being moved to Team Fu. And then there was the fight he had with Tenzo right before he had been kicked out of ANBU.
Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets. Best not think about that.
Sakura's gaze followed Sasuke. Kakashi knew the chances of her sticking around without him were slim to none. "I told my mom I would be home in time for dinner."
"Of course."
Naruto squinted up at him with brilliant blue eyes, as if he was unsure if the offer was still open with his teammates backing out. "I could go for Ichiraku's right about now."
Kakashi dropped a hand and ruffled Naruto's hair. "You know, I was just craving that myself."
He really wasn't. Kakashi spent entirely too much time at Ichiraku's and it wasn't because he liked the food that much. However he knew Naruto liked it.
Kakashi ended up having to send him home early, the boy had been yawning into his third bowl of ramen. Kakashi supposed all three of his students had been working hard. Early morning practices, long days of D-Ranks and then late nights studying. Even someone as energetic as Naruto had limits. He would make sure they were well rested before heading into the exams on the odd chance they did make it to the second exam.
Feeling sociable for once, Kakashi wandered to the Rusty Kunai to see if any of his old friends were around. There had always been a group there at any given time. Tonight was no exception. He found Raidou, Genma and Aoba seated in a booth. While things had been tense between him and Genma, Raidou and Aoba were friendly enough.
"But you know what she's like," Aoba was saying. No doubt going on about his latest conquest. Unlike Genma and Raidou, Aoba had never bothered to settle down and seemed content to remain a bachelor. "The hot and cold act. I can't tell where I stand with her."
"Yeah, well, you know why." Genma sounded irritated at this conversation. "Look, just be patient with her."
Genma abruptly stopped talking the moment he noticed Kakashi and cocked his eyebrow. "Can I help you?"
Kakashi awkwardly stood there. "Mind if I join you?"
He could almost hear Genma grinding his teeth. Raidou swiftly knocked back a drink, avoiding the question.
Aoba looked annoyed. "Might as well get this over with now. How much did you overhear?"
Kakashi shifted his weight. There was an aggressiveness in Aoba that usually wasn't there. Coupled with the conversation before, Kakashi would hazard a guess that Aoba cared about his current partner more than usual and that Kakashi had unknowingly interrupted a private conversation.
"I know it's not a coincidence that I'm dating Kotori and you're showing up out of nowhere."
And suddenly Kakashi felt like he couldn't breathe. As if Aoba's words had snatched the air right out of his lungs. He had always known this would happen sooner or later. That she would move on and start seeing someone else. He thought he could do it. He thought he could let her go. He thought that seeing her be safe and happy would be worth it. It had been what he wanted for her.
However the thought of Kotori in the arms of another -
No. Kotori deserved to be happy and Aoba was a good man. A far better man than him.
"I had no idea," he weakly said. "Good for you."
He abruptly turned on his heel and walked out of the bar.
"Kakashi, wait up!" Genma followed him. "You're not going to fuck this up for her, are you? Because it's about time she's moved on."
"I won't do anything," Kakashi promised. "I already fucked up her life enough."