Kotori had a hard time focusing on the flight home from the Land of Snow.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Kakashi's arms were wrapped securely around her waist.

Okay, it might have had a little to do with that.

Her mind was still spinning in every direction from his vow in the cabin. Her body equally on edge from the closeness of his body pressing against hers. He had held out long enough for her to recover from hypothermia. Now it was her turn to get them both home. As Kakashi's chakra exhaustion finally won out over sheer stubbornness, she suggested he hold onto her. It didn't take much convincing on her part. She sat rigid, feeling hyper alert to where his arms rested against her sides, his hands wrapped together over her stomach. Her back pressed against his chest.

He wanted a second chance. Did she? Kotori honestly couldn't answer that one herself. She tried to shut down the irrational part of her that was apparently still in love with him. The part of her that would rush to his side in the hospital, that would comfort him when upset and would apparently sacrifice her personal relationships and happiness to do it. The part of her that was excited and nervous and hopeful. The part that made her feel eighteen and young and stupid all over again.

The older, more rational side of her was screaming that he had had his chance and he imploded it. Much like her relationship with Aoba… Kotori suspected she would have a foot out the door, always wondering and waiting for the moment things got difficult and Kakashi couldn't handle it.

It wasn't his job to fix her, but he was part of the reason she was so broken. Was she handing him the pieces of her heart to put back together, or just allowing them to be crumbled further?

She let out a deep sigh.

"Something on your mind?" Kakashi asked from behind. His voice behind her ear cause her spine to stiffen.

She closed her eyes. "You should be resting. I told you I've got it from here."

She had taken the risk of flying Raiden over the Land of Earth, keeping above cloud cover or flying over sparsely populated areas when possible. Kakashi was too drained for the return journey and she didn't want to risk him feeling the need to push himself further. Fortunately, they avoided trouble and before she knew it, Kotori could see the green forest that marked the boundary between Earth and Rivers.

She could feel Kakashi's grip ease as he finally passed out over the Land of Fire. He leaned forward, completely slumping onto her back. She could hear the soft breathing that indicated he was asleep and smiled as she adjusted her grip on his arms so he wouldn't fall off. By the time they reached Konoha, Kotori's eyes were drooping, feeling the strain of flying for nearly three days straight. It was the longest journey she had ever taken and she hoped she never had to do it again.

She waved to Izumo and Kotetsu down below on guard duty before continuing to the block of apartments where Kakashi lived. Raiden pulled up along the side and she counted four windows in, finding his bedroom. Kotori made quick work of undoing the traps and unlocking Kakashi's window to slip him inside. She dumped him on his bed and put a blanket over him, noticing he had gotten rid of the green shurikan blanket he had had the entire time they were together. The sheets and pillows were also nicer quality than anything Kakashi would buy for himself.

Kotori glanced around the room, confused at how much it had changed in three years. Kakashi took minimalist to a whole new level, almost depriving himself of basic comforts.

But now there were paintings on the wall, potted plants on the windowsill, a set of hand drums next to the bookcase - since when did Kakashi play an instrument? - and photos of two adults and a kid sitting on the nightstand.

She closed her eyes and counted to ten. Of course Kakashi had moved.

"Kakashi," she hissed as she tried to wake him up. Her hands grabbing the flak jacket as she leaned over him. "Kakashi, where do you live?"

He mumbled something incoherently in his sleep.

She heard the main apartment door open and froze, her hands still gripping Kakashi's flak jacket. What were the chances the new occupant of the apartment wouldn't notice two jonin lurking in his bedroom?

She wouldn't be so lucky.

Iruka's eyes flickered from her to Kakashi who was passed out on his bed. He didn't even seem surprised to find them. Resigned, almost.

"Hey," Kotori awkwardly greeted him. "So, ah, I guess this is the wrong address."

Iruka snorted. "If I had known Kakashi used to live here, I would have never rented it. I have a stack of mail for him. Wait right there!"

Kotori didn't move a muscle.

Iruka came back and handed a stack of envelopes into her out stretched arms along with a scroll. "I took the liberty of getting him a change of address form. Make sure he fills it out and actually files it with the Administration Office this time."

Kotori sighed. Kakashi was allergic to paperwork, getting him to fill it out was next to impossible. "I don't suppose you know where he lives?"

"If I knew that I would have fixed his address years ago."

Kotori maneuvered Kakashi over her shoulder and out through the window. Feeling exhausted herself, Kotori directed Raiden to take them to her place. She dumped him on her couch and went to bed. Hopefully he'd be gone by morning.

xXx

Kakashi felt like hell when he woke up. His entire body ached in the way it did when he had pushed himself past his limits and exhausted his chakra. He could barely move his limbs, feeling as if they each weighed a ton. There was a kink in his neck, most likely from sleeping in an awkward position. He had only meant to rest his eyes once they crossed into the Land of Fire. However the last thing he could remember was giving into the temptation to simply sleep. It didn't help that he had spent days resting against Kotori, his nose all but buried in the back of her neck where he could smell her familiar scent. It had lulled him into a peaceful sleep.

He blearily looked around the room. He is eyes widened with interest when he realized he was in Kotori's living room. He could hear running water in the bathroom, indicating she was getting ready. Content with the circumstances, Kakashi closed his eye and drifted in and out of sleep.

His second wake up was a little easier.

Kotori passed him a cup of tea. "Welcome back."

He took a deep drink of the chakra restoration blend and sighed, feeling some of the heaviness leave his limbs. He smiled underneath the mask. She had given him his favourite mug, the one with lovebirds sitting in a tree. She also had placed a scroll on the coffee table in front of him.

Kakashi's brow furrowed in confusion as he unrolled it. He couldn't possibly have another mission so soon.

"It's been some time since you've last updated your contact information. All you have to do is fill out and sign it. I'll even take it to Iruka's for him to file it."

"Maaa, I've been meaning to get around to updating that." He closed his eye and grinned at her. Administrative paper work was the least of his priorities and it was a little amusing seeing Iruka get so worked up over junk mail. "How long was I out?"

Kotori sat cross legged on the armchair across from him. Her hands wrapped around her favourite mug. The familiarity of the scene was comforting. "You've spent the last two nights on my couch. I was starting to wonder if I should have taken you to the hospital instead."

Waking up on Kotori's couch was preferable to waking up under Tsunade's watchful eye in the hospital. The nurses at the hospital only liked to poke and prod and harass him. Kotori - at least in the past - was content to let him sleep. She used to curl up with him as he recovered from chakra exhaustion, the two of them spending lazy days together in bed. He yearned to do that now.

Kakashi wasn't sure where they stood. He had been elated when Kotori didn't outright reject his question. However he knew they wouldn't just slide back into the way things used to be. As much as he wished that would be the case. He hadn't earned that yet. Still, she had taken care of him when she could have dropped him off at the hospital. That was something.

"It's just chakra exhaustion," he mumbled. Perhaps if he looked extra pathetic she would let him stay.

She hummed a little as she looked into her tea, her brows furrowed together in contemplation. "What was that jutsu you used? I've never seen you so drained."

"I don't know," he slowly admitted. "I wasn't consciously doing it."

"Did you know your sharingan had changed design?"

She confirmed what he had already suspected. That this was some new power granted by the mangekyou sharingan. But it should have been impossible. The Uchiha had been uncertain how much control he would have over the sharingan. He couldn't even deactivate it, forced to keep it covered as it constantly drew on his chakra reserves. He shouldn't have been able to active the mangekyou or use it. Moreover he knew what it meant to have the mangekyou sharingan. Fugaku had been very clear on that. The mangekyou was only activated after murdering someone close.

Rin. Kakashi felt sick to his stomach. He could see her in front of him, her face forever etched into his mind's eye as she mouthed his name.

Kakashi.

He jerked as he actually heard his name. The face in front of him was older. Not one of a child, but of a young woman. Her green eyes were wide with concern.

"Kakashi?" Kotori was crouching in front of him, her hands on his shoulders. "Are you okay? You - " She trailed off uncertainly.

He had never actually told Kotori about Rin. She knew. Of course she knew. How could she not? He knew what was said about him around ANBU. Whispers like that wouldn't have escaped Kotori's ears. Kakashi had always taken it for granted that Kotori just seemed to know things and understand without him having to tell her everything himself. But he had never actually told Kotori, in his own words, what had happened.

"I must have awakened the mangekyou sharingan when I killed Rin," he bitterly confessed. "The Uchiha didn't think I could - I'm not an Uchiha after all. The mangekyou is only wakened after killing someone close to you."

Kotori gently squeezed his shoulders. "You didn't kill her."

"Not intentionally," Kakashi said, looking downcast to avoid her eye. "But it was still by my hand."

"Can I ask what happened?"

The answer stuck in his throat. He rarely talked about that day. But he found himself wanting to tell her the full story.

"Don't answer that, it's none of my business," she hurriedly said.

"No, it's okay," he said. The choked confession came out of him, stilted at first, but once he started talking he found he couldn't stop. For the first time in his life, Kakashi recounted the entire tale of his father's death and then Obito's and then Rin's. Because explaining one without the context of the others felt wrong. In his mind, they were all interconnected. He told her everything. All of his anger and pain and regret. His throat was dry and scratchy from talking by the end of it.

They were both on the ground, with Kakashi resting his head in Kotori's lap, her fingers gently combing through his hair. He didn't know how they ended up in this position, but didn't question it. It felt nice.

"Thank you," she quietly said, looking lost in her own thoughts. "I think I understand now."

"I should have told you ages ago," Kakashi admitted.

"I don't think either of us really like talking about the past."

Just like Kotori hadn't pushed or asked for an explanation of his past, Kakashi had never pushed or asked about hers. Perhaps he should have.

"If you ever wanted to - "

She froze, no longer running her fingers through his hair. "I'm not ready to talk about it."

It felt like they were locked in a dance. Every time he took a step forward, she took a step back. Kotori was still holding herself back. Still afraid to trust him. Still struggling from the weight of her own trauma. He wished he could help her, the way she always seemed to help him. Patience, he reminded himself. He said he would win her trust back and he intended to do just that. Eventually they would stop circling and dancing around each other.

It took him a week to recover his strength enough to attempt to train the mangekyou. If the rest of the Akatsuki were as strong as Itachi, he would need it to stand a chance against them. The problem was that he still didn't know how to activate it. The only thing he could focus on was that Kotori had been in danger at the time. His body had reacted, almost on instinct, in his desire to protect her. But endangering her to practice a technique over and over again wasn't an option.

While he was stuck, he could at least train and try to increase his natural chakra reserves. Kakashi found himself going through the Sorano katas. Kotori had shown him years ago, explaining how they united spiritual and physical energy. There were other ways to increase chakra reserves and certainly more efficient ways. But his mind had drifted more and more to Kotori since getting back from the Land of Snow. He breathed in before folding forward, placing his palms on the earth. Only, whatever peace and clarity the movements brought him were shattered by the distinct shuffle of footsteps coming behind him.

"Sorano katas," Ensui mused. "Does she know you copied those?"

"She taught them to me."

"Hn."

There was a moment of silence and Kakashi wondered what Ensui wanted. Was he here to give him some sort of lecture or warn him to stay away from Kotori? The older man went out of his way to avoid Kakashi and they hadn't spoken in over three years. Kakashi tried to push down the guilt from their last interaction. I want to know what kind of man abandons his traumatized girlfriend. Ensui most definitely thought Kakashi was the lowest of scum in this village. And worse, Kakashi had hurt someone he had raised and cared for like a daughter.

But dating Kotori again would mean getting back in the good graces of those she cared about. Kakashi knew this wasn't going to be easy.

Finally, Ensui spoke. "Kotori came by. Something about building a profile on the Akatsuki, needing to know more about Itachi and the mangekyou. Unfortunately for her, I know when she's full of shit. You activated it?"

"What do you know about the mangekyou?" Kakashi asked, because that wasn't common knowledge outside of the Uchiha.

"Nothing."

"You're full of shit."

Ensui crossed his arms, his eyes glinting a little too much to be fully trusted. "Anyway, heard you've been having a little trouble. I might have an idea."

While Ensui no doubt despised him and would help Kotori string him by his entrails if she asked, he was pragmatic when it came to the village. Kakashi knew he would be good on his offer to help. But Kakashi wasn't the least bit surprised when Ensui was a sadistic bastard about it. His idea of forcing Kakashi to use the mangekyou was to hold him in place with shadow possession and throw shurikan at his face. Kakashi stared unflinchingly at the shurikan hurdling towards him. At the last possible second, Ensui moved his head and Kakashi was forced to copy the movement. He heard the shurikan go wizzing by his ear, almost nicking him.

"Cutting it a little close?" Kakashi drawled. He closed his eye in a mimicry of a smile. "I'm beginning to think you actually want to injure me."

"Don't worry, I'll leave you pretty," he snarked back.

Kotori made an unhappy noise from where she was sitting crossed legged on a log. When her chakra birds had noticed the two of them sparring in the training fields, she had come over to investigate. Or supervise. Kakashi was quite certain her presence was the only reason Ensui hadn't actually hit him yet.

"With the predictive ability of the sharingan, you said you saw the ice shard pierce Kotori and knew if she didn't move she would die," Ensui slowly drawled.

"Yes."

The corners of Ensui's lips twitched upwards. "I imagine witnessing her die would be deeply traumatic for you."

Kakashi gritted his teeth, not liking where this was going. "Yes."

"And in that moment of desperation to protect her, you tapped into the ability." Ensui continued. "So, if you won't save yourself - " He extended a second shadow that paralyzed Kotori in place and threw a shurikan at her before either of them could react.

He was bluffing. Kakashi knew Ensui would never actually hurt Kotori. However the predictive ability of the sharingan kicked in and he could see the shurikan slitting Kotori's throat if someone didn't stop it… And then he felt it. The sudden pull of chakra towards his left eye as the sharingan activated. How his eye pulsed with chakra and the world warped around the shurikan until it disappeared.

"Do you think you can recreate it now?" Ensui asked. He released shadow possession on both of them.

Kakashi resisted the urge to sink to his knees, not wanting to appear weak. "Yeah. I think I can reserve engineer it."

One of Kotori's birds called out to her from the trees. She sighed, "I'm needed elsewhere. Try not to maim each other while I'm gone."

Ensui lingered until she was out of sight, and more importantly, out of earshot. And then killed her chakra bird for good measure.

"Here for the good old kunai talk?" Kakashi supposed he should test the waters.

Ensui laughed, for once looking closer to his actual age. A lifetime of stress had prematurely aged him. It did that to all of them.

"I'm not going to waste my time threatening someone who could kick my ass. I'm hardly a deterrent."

Kakashi lifted an eyebrow. "If you think she's making a mistake, why aren't you talking her out of it?"

Ensui didn't answer his question, scoffing instead. "You know, I met your student at the chunin exams. Pink haired little thing with the world's biggest crush on an emotionally stunted boy. You ever try to talk her out of it?"

"Sakura? No, she wouldn't listen."

"Yeah well that's what I'm dealing with."