Kotori woke up before dawn to train. It was so early that even the morning songbirds refused to sing.
It had been only a month since she had taken over Hinoki's position. Kotori's transition into leadership felt more like trial by fire as she tried to learn the role while handling the day to day operations of the department. She now had over a dozen ANBU captains directly under her command. Some of them were helpful - some of them a little too helpful - and Kotori was still trying to work out who she could trust. She had her suspicions that some of them might belong to Root and were looking to exert influence with a young and untested new head. Meanwhile others were skeptical of her, judging her harshly and looking for the slightest sign of weakness. Their respect would be hard earned.
Thankfully Mamoru and Ken were among the ANBU captains. Mamoru oversaw the largest ANBU team; his team had taken over the village patrol routes since Tsunade became Hokage. Meanwhile Ken's team worked in surveillance, keeping an eye on suspected spies and traitors within the village. Both had been a huge support to her along with Team Ro.
The sun was creeping up over the Hokage Monument as Kotori stretched in Senju Park. She focused on her breathing as she moved through the familiar poses, sweeping her arms up and alongside her ears, her palms faced together as she held warrior one.
However she couldn't find the peace and silence she usually did from the slow, steady breathing and gentle movements. Her mind was already too cluttered with the tasks ahead of her for the day.
- still have to meet with Satoshi and Yugao over their new assignments, I keep putting that off -
Breathe, Kotori, Focus.
In a fluid, practiced movement she turned her torso as her legs shifted, lowering her arms until they were parallel to the ground and she was in warrior two.
- Mamoru's in agreement over the ANBU Boot Camp, it's long overdue, but we can't pull too many ANBU out at once -
She breathed through her nose in frustration as she released her stance. This training wasn't accomplishing anything. Perhaps she should go jogging on the trails instead, pushing herself with strenuous activity until her mind quieted. At the very least, anything that got the blood pumping was good stress relief.
"Captain Hawk," one of the ANBU who guarded Hokage Tower - Bat - landed in front of her. "The elders have called a meeting. The commander has asked for you to attend."
Kotori paused in her tracks. This would be her first council meeting since she accepted the position.
"When?"
Bat shifted awkwardly. "Now."
Kotori raised her chin as she walked into the meeting room five minutes later, knowing all eyes would be on her. The table consisted of Tsunade, the three elders, the ANBU Commander and the Jonin Commander. She could see the grimace on Koharu's face. The subtle frown on Danzo's. Shikaku, if anything, seemed amused. Masato's gaze was heavy behind the monkey mask. It had been the first time she had seen him since the funeral. Tsunade had debriefed her on her new position, but so far Masato had ignored her existence as if still in denial that his wife was gone.
"I thought we would be discussing the appointment of a new Head today," Koharu said.
"There's nothing to discuss," Tsunade said. "This decision was decided between myself and the ANBU Commander."
"Yes, as well as removing Sanada from his position as Chief of the Medical Corps," Homura murmured. "We are heading into war, this is the time to show strength and stability. Not shuffling your departments and causing tension."
Tsunade's fists curled. "You really want to lecture me about in-fighting?"
"Homura's right. We need to show unity, which is why we're disappointed to be having this discussion in a public forum," Danzo said.
"This is hardly public, although considering how often you three seem content to leave out Masato and myself, it must feel a bit crowed having us in the room- " Shikaku let his voice hang, clearly irritated. "It is the prerogative of the Hokage to have final say over all positions. Now, onto actual business."
Masato nodded. "Yes, I changed the time of the meeting as something pressing came to my attention. We've received intel that Orochimaru was killed by Uchiha Sasuke."
The silence was deafening.
For a brief moment, Kotori felt relief. While she hadn't been on the team responsible for tracking and preparing for whenever Orochimaru resurfaced, it had still occupied a great deal of ANBU's time and manpower. Konoha was stillrecovering from the affects of Orochimaru's invasion. His attack had cut their forces in half and it would take years before they recovered their former strength. At least now all of that effort could be redirected elsewhere.
And it meant - it also meant that Kakashi didn't have to worry for whatever Orochimaru had planned for his wayward student. Perhaps Sasuke would come back to them now.
"I've sent a team to seal off any of his rumoured hideouts," Masato eventually offered. "And look for survivors. Intelligence should be prepared to receive an influx of people."
"And the boy?" Danzo asked, templing his fingers together. "We need to focus our efforts on eliminating Sasuke. He's proven he has the power to become a threat to Konoha."
"What possible motive could Sasuke have for attacking Konoha?" Kotori asked, keeping her voice deceptively innocent. Everyone at that table knew why Danzo feared Sasuke's quest for vengeance. "He's been clear since his time as a genin - he's going after Itachi to avenge his clan. With Itachi being a member of the Akatsuki, our goals align."
"There's no telling what sort of lies that Orochimaru has been filling his head with."
"Let's cut the crap, Danzo," Masato's voice held an icy rage as he addressed the elder. "We all know exactly what Sasuke will learn when he confronts his brother. And when all that rage is directed at Konoha, then what?"
"If any of you bothered to do what was necessary, it wouldn't come to that," Danzo said.
The rest of the meeting was hours of circular arguments. Every time Kotori spoke up, Homura, Koharu or Danzo would cut her down. Ruthlessly belittling her suggestions, scolding her as if she were a misbehaving genin. Kotori wanted to strengthen the existing forces by pulling groups of ANBU into the village for a four to six week Boot Camp. Koharu, Homura and Danzo rejected the idea stating they didn't have enough manpower.
"If we could pull twenty chunin from the regular forces and - "
"Absolutely not," Homura said.
Even Shikaku was shaking his head. "Those B and C ranks bring in income for the village so that we can continue operating."
"There's not enough ANBU, that's barely replacing those who've been killed in action. We've lost twenty-three agents these last six months," Kotori tried. She had stretched her chakra birds as much as she could, filling in the gaps in their patrol routes. Having two teams would allow her to offer longer recovery time to injured ANBU agents or even just time to rest.
"All of the departments are sustaining losses, unless you want to advocate lowering the graduation age so that there's a larger number of genin at once," Shikaku said.
Kotori felt as if she had been slapped by the suggestion. "Absolutely not."
She was granted exactly two minutes to feel completely overwhelmed after the meeting before there was a knock on her door. She covered her face with the hawk mask and focused on her breathing. It wouldn't do for Captain Hawk to be caught breaking down in her office.
"Come in."
Masato was standing in her doorway.
"Are your chakra birds able to locate Jiraiya?"
"Yes."
"Get him a message. He's needed in the village, immediately," Masato stressed. "Get Morino out of T&I. I want him putting our ANBU through a six-week Boot Camp. Recall as many as you can without compromising our security. I expect we'll need at least three, possibly four, rounds. Anyone who fails will be put through it again. I don't give a shit what those three jackals are on about, this is a priority. The elders will work against you at every opportunity. They're furious Tsunade promoted you and not one of their little puppets. They want you to fail. They want you to run your department into the ground so they can say I told you so."
"Fail?" Kotori repeated, becoming heated. "If I fail, people are going to get hurt or killed."
"That's the job. You cannot fail." Masato agreed. "I'm aware of your personal history with the Nara clan, but Shikaku is not your friend. Not here. He's representing his own interests in those meetings. Sometimes that aligns with ours, sometimes it doesn't. All of the departments are competing for the same resources. So if you need more shinobi to do the work, you have to argue against him just as much as you would Koharu or Homura. Next time, start higher and negotiate down. Go back to Tsunade. No less than eight."
"But we can't lower the graduation age - "
Masato let out a harsh laugh. "And Shikaku is aware of that. We're nowhere close to lowering the graduation age. He knows you. Which means he knows every button to push to get you to respond the way he wants."
Kotori's face flushed from humiliation.
"And Hawk?"
"Yes sir?"
"You're still working with Lion, Badger and Tiger on your special assignment."
"Yes."
His fists clutched so hard that blood trickled down his hand. "Get whatever proof you need. I want Sanada and my uncle dead for what they did to her."
"Of course."
Kotori couldn't help but feel like she had been turned into a pawn to be played in some twisted game between Danzo, Shikaku and Masato. To what outcome - she wasn't even sure anymore. But she was fairly certain that being a pawn in someone else's game wasn't why Hinoki or Tsunade promoted her.
One thing at a time. She held the bird seal, tunnelling through her vast chakra network. It took the better part of an hour, snooping through tourist villages full of casinos and hot springs until she found the legendary member of the Sannin.
Chika dee dee dee
Jiraiya looked up from his spot hidden behind bushes. "Eh, tell Tsunade I'm still conducting research."
She gave a reproachful warble before sketching out NOW in the dirt.
"Sorry little bird, not today. I'll come back once I - "
Kotori sketched out a panda bear in the dirt. She knew some of Masato's irritation must have come from Jiraiya not coming back for his own student's funeral.
Jiraiya's face hardened. "I know she's dead and I don't need another lecture about how I missed the funeral. But the intel I gather in these types of places is crucial for locating the Akatsuki. Unless you want to go undercover yourself in the Flower District I suggest you - "
Out of options, Kotori sketched a drawing of a stick figure with a sword taking out a giant snake.
Jiraiya stilled. "That's - "
She warbled again before hopping on the word NOW.
She released her jutsu so that Jiraiya would have no chance to argue with her. She would track him down later and ensure he was actually on route. Next, Kotori's chakra birds located Kakashi in training field three. He and Yamato were training with Naruto, Sakura and Sai. Her chakra bird landed in the tree above him and called out.
Chika dee dee dee
Kakashi slowed down as his eye flicked towards it. "I'm needed elsewhere."
Her chakra birds directed him to her apartment. It was the safest place for them to talk and Kotori wanted him to hear the news from her first. She wasn't sure if or when Tsunade planned to tell him.
"Kotori? What is it?" Kakashi called out as soon as he stepped inside her apartment. She could hear the concern in his voice. She never used her chakra birds to contact him while he was training unless it was for good reason.
"It's about Sasuke," she said without any preamble.
Kakashi tensed, as if bracing himself for bad news. "What is it?"
"He killed Orochimaru."
Kakashi froze, his lone eye widened in shock. She could see him go through a range of emotions before landing on the same implication as the council.
"Does ANBU consider him a threat?"
Kotori closed her eyes. This was hard. She wanted to be able to speak freely with Kakashi and tell him everything. But this wasn't the time. He needed to know about Sasuke so that he wouldn't be blindsided. He needed to know in case Naruto tried something. She trusted he would put the safety of the village over his student if it ever came to that. Besides, she didn't think there was anything said that would surprise him.
"They're wary of him. They've been wary of him for years. But now? He killed Orochimaru - the amount of power he must have. And you know Danzo."
"I get it. If it were anyone else, I'd have put them on the top of a watchlist too." Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets as his eye flicked to the side. "Honestly? I'm ashamed to admit even I don't know what he's capable of. After what he did to Naruto the last time - "
Kotori remembered Kakashi waiting in the hospital while Lady Tsunade healed Naruto. She reached out, gently taking his hand in hers and giving it a light squeeze.
"If it's between him and Naruto or Sakura - if he threatens them - I will kill him." Kakashi's voice lacked the usual steel whenever he promised to protect his comrades. He sounded defeated. Kotori knew he would live up to his word. He would kill Sasuke, if it came down to it. But Kakashi would never forgive himself for it.
"If he's pursuing Itachi, we're on the same side," Kotori said. "There might be a chance. You, Naruto, Sakura - he might listen to you."
"I keep hoping." Kakashi closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her. His chin rested on top of her head. "I missed you this morning."
"Same," she said, sinking into his embrace. For a blissful second, she felt all of the stress and tension of the day melt away.
Kakashi pulled back, his eye sweeping over her as he cupped her cheek in his hand. "Have you eaten lunch yet?"
"Uh, not yet. But I will. I promise."
She downed a shinobi ration bar an hour later, fulfilling her promise to Kakashi to eat something before working straight throughout the afternoon and into the early evening. Every time she tried to leave to go to T&I, someone stopped by her office with something or other needing her urgent attention.
Kotori's smile was strained when Captain Seal stepped into her office as she was trying to leave. "Captain, the northern outpost has reported another sighting of that strange chakra plant."
"Prepare a team," Kotori said. "We've been tracking sightings of it for weeks, but so far no one's been able to get close or take a sample for analysis."
Seal crossed his arms, staring down at her as if trying to intimidate her with his size. "My team has been on patrol for six weeks straight, and the last thirty-six hours has been in pursuit of a target. They need rest."
"Right - " Kotori mentally ran through the roster of teams. Most of them were out on border patrol or various other postings. She thought of the ANBU still in village that she could send out. "Tell Captain Sable - "
He let out a scoff. "Her team is leaving for the eastern outpost tomorrow. They won't make it back in time. We need more men. This is too much. My guys are running on fumes. We've lost two entire ANBU teams and you haven't even bothered to replace them!"
Kotori wondered if she had enough time to see to it herself. Hinoki had said there would come a time when she was more useful behind a desk than on missions, but it sure didn't feel that way. She was trying to prioritize all of the tasks when everything felt urgent all of the time.
"I'm trying to - "
"Well not hard enough. I don't know why anyone expects you to be an improvement around here. You're all the same! You get promoted and sit on your ass and forget about your comrades on the frontline."
"Get Sable," Kotori kept her voice calm. "Her team can hold the outpost while she sends two to investigate. Unless you're volunteering to go."
Seal gave a mocking low bow before he walked away. He was barely out of her office before she heard him mutter, "Bitch."
Kotori forced herself not to feel rattled as he walked away. There was a time in her life, not that long ago, that such a comment would have gutted her. She had always liked having the praise and respect of her comrades. Even now she hated being in conflict with them as she agreed. It wasn't fair. They didn't have enough shinobi. She wasn't doing enough.
There wasn't much time to dwell on it though as she tiredly made her way through the underground tunnels to get to Intelligence.
"Inoichi-san," she greeted, relieved to find him still in his office at half past six.
"Captain Hawk," Inoichi politely greeted her. "Are you here to see the prisoners?"
"Yes. And I'll need to speak with Ibiki if he is still here."
Inoichi escorted her towards the lower levels of Intelligence that housed the Torture and Interrogation division. Kotori had never been there before. Usually she dropped any prisoners off to be processed by the staff at front. Or more often, with the ANBU who had clearance in both departments.
It was… clean. Sterile. Surgical. Kotori wasn't sure what she had been expecting. There were no windows, the only escape routes the staircases at the end of each corridor. It was meant to make it more difficult for prisoners, but Kotori couldn't help but feel trapped. She steadied her breathing as she tried not to picture a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. The sooner she got out of here, the better.
An anguished cry echoed down the hallway and Kotori felt her blood run cold.
Inoichi quickly ushered her into a large observation room. It allowed those within it to peer into multiple smaller rooms through two way mirrors. The surviving three Root agents who had tried to kill her were each in an individual cell. Two ANBU guards were in the observation room, closely monitoring them.
"Porcupine and Dove, if you could wait outside," Inoichi instructed.
Once they left the room, Inoichi activated a privacy seal in the room.
"We've identified two of the agents through biologics," Inoichi explained. "Aburame Kohaku was presumed dead after the nine tails attack. Kimura Yuichi has been missing, presumed dead, since the third war. The third is unknown. He goes by the name Kei."
She lowered her eyes. This matched with what intelligence they've gathered about the average shinobi in Root. Most were missing or presumed dead, if they could determine their identity at all. Then there were those like Yamato and Sai who had been taken so young and from such absurd backgrounds that they would never know their origins.
"The seal on their tongue prevents them from outright betraying Danzo, so we're still working around it. I was able to perform the mind walk on them, although I still had to work around the seal. Here are sketches of the Root agents who targeted Captain Lion and Badger. They're still at large. I've also identified an ANBU captain who has been passing along intel to Danzo along with others."
Kotori memorized the information in the folder Inoichi handed her before giving it back to him. Unfortunately her ANBU were too short staffed to have that many removed at once. She supposed it was better to leave them in place and work around them for the time being. Most of them were on border patrol and she trusted that Danzo wouldn't have them sabotage the village.
It was then that Ibiki walked into the room, wiping fresh blood off his hands with a rag. "I've been looking for you, Captain Hawk."
Kotori froze. It felt like time slowed down around her and she could hear the rush of water and a distant ringing in her ear.
"Cry all you want. No one's coming for you, sweetheart."
She blinked, realizing that Inoichi and Ibiki were carrying on a conversation in front of her. Neither seemed aware that she had zoned out, her mask keeping her expression hidden. She had no idea how long they had been talking.
"- there are other methods we can employ," Inoichi was saying. "It will take longer and more resources. But we can try to rehabilitate them, gain their trust. Information provided freely is often more accurate than information provided under duress."
"If they're from where I think they're from, every day they're here poses a risk," Ibiki said. "We're better off extracting what we can and giving them a quick death."
"We're not torturing them," Kotori firmly said.
Ibiki chuckled. "A bit soft, eh? That will change."
"How does torturing the enemy make us any different than them?"
"We're not any different," Ibiki said, although not unkindly. "But if it's us or them, I choose us. We've both got a history of being caught by the enemy, Hawk."
She tried not to look at the bandana that hid the worst of Ibiki's scars. Kotori grimaced before changing the subject and relaying that Ibiki would be leading the ANBU Bootcamp for the foreseeable future. They agreed on dates and a tentative schedule before Inoichi escorted her back out. Genma was leaning on the front desk, chatting with Aimi as she tidied up.
"Kotori-chan!" Aimi cheerfully greeted her. "What are you doing here?"
Kotori sighed while Inoichi chuckled beside her.
"Not when I'm on duty, Aimi-chan," she said, indicating the hawk mask.
"Oh, sorry, sorry." Aimi did not sound sorry in the slightest. If anything, she was often amused by the 'lame' attempts at anonymity that the ANBU maintained.
"Genma and I were going out for dinner," Aimi said. "Do you want to come?"
"I really shouldn't intrude on your date."
"Please intrude," Inoichi muttered.
Aimi gave him a mock glare before turning her full attention back on Kotori. Her hands were on her hips as she asked, "Have you eaten anything today that's not a ration bar?"
Kotori felt a little called out. "Of course I have."
Genma and Aimi silently communicated in that way couples do, with eyes and facial expressions. Kotori fidgeted, knowing full well that she was the topic of the discussion.
"Seriously, I'm standing right here."
Genma smiled and wrapped an arm around both of them. "Well I'm not going to turn down a date with the two most beautiful women in Konoha."
Kotori tried to protest that she had stuff to do, but neither Aimi nor Genma would acknowledge her. She was practically dragged from Intelligence to a quiet Izakaya down the street. Before long, she found herself tucked into the back corner. They had somehow managed to find Yugao on the way and it didn't take much convincing to wrangle her into coming out too. Kotori tried to follow along with her friends' banter, but was mostly quiet as she picked at her meal. She appreciated their attempts to pull her into conversation, but wasn't really feeling into it.
When Aimi and Yugao went to the washroom, Genma had his chance to speak with her alone.
He didn't waste time by dancing around the topic. He flicked the senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. "Do you need me to come back to ANBU?"
"No."
"Look - Satoshi told me and Yugao what really went down. It's time to circle the wagons, pull in those you trust. Instead you're sending Satoshi to the Medical Corps and Yugao to Logistics?"
She had spoken with both earlier in the day. She needed them to keep an eye on Sanada and Daisen and didn't trust anyone else. However she wouldn't admit that to Genma in such a public place.
"I've thought about it."
"And?"
"You've heard the rumours. I need someone keeping an eye on the Hokage. She's the priority."
"You should have someone watching your back. What about Ensui?"
Kotori was trying to keep Danzo's attention off of him so that he could continue to investigate on her behalf. "I don't need a babysitter. Just trust me."
"He's already tried to kill you once."
"I know."
"He won't stop."
"Funny, I kinda figured that."
"And Kakashi is okay with all this?"
When she didn't respond right away, Genma's eyes widened. "Kakashi knows right?"
"He doesn't know everything."
"Yeah, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out your new position just put a massive target on your - " Genma started shaking his head, laughing in disbelief. "Oh fuck, tell me you're joking. Kotori, he is going to find out. Someone will say something."
Outside of the council and her team, very few people knew who was running Internal Affairs. Kotori planned to keep it that way. Genma shouldn't have even known.
"I may have lied, and then I needed to keep lying and now I don't know how to tell him the truth."
And part of her still didn't want to.
She kept lying to herself, telling herself Kakashi was stressed and she was doing it for him. And Kakashi was stressed. She could see it in his face the brief moments they were able to spend together. She knew that Danzo's failed assassination attempt on her had also freaked him out. There was an alarming number of extra seals and traps protecting her apartment. He regularly checked up on her, catching her attention with her chakra birds. He would worry more and with that came Kakashi's harsh criticism. He would question her judgement or be pissed that she would make herself a target. How many times had they had the same argue? And the stakes had never been so high before.
There was a part of her that dreaded that argument. That didn't want to tell him. That was afraid to tell him. She knew she shouldn't feel this way. She knew she should tell him. But she worried Kakashi would somehow confirm all of her deepest insecurities since stepping into Hinoki's shoes. That she wasn't cut out for this. That she wasn't strong enough. That she wasn't good enough.
If he confirmed those fears… if he didn't believe in her… Kotori thought it might be enough to shatter her already shaky resolve.
The little bell above the door chimed, drawing her attention as Kakashi and Yamato walked in.
"You're not to say anything," she hissed at Genma. "Not to Kakashi or Aimi."
"Hey, sorry we're late," Kakashi said as he waved at them from across the Izakaya. The pair of them slid into the booth and joined them. For a while, things felt almost normal as Kotori relaxed, Kakashi's arm loosely draped over the back of the booth. Yugao was on her other side, teasing Yamato after he shared the latest antics of Team Kakashi. Aimi and Genma constantly joining in to goad them.
"You let a bratty sixteen year old get the best of you, seriously?" Yugao teased.
Yamato hung his head ruefully, but he grinned nonetheless and Kotori suspected he actually enjoyed Naruto's antics as much as he enjoyed complaining about them.
"You are more than welcome to try leading that team," Yamato grumbled. "Kakashi has ruined them."
"I have done nothing!"
"Yeah, that's the problem," Yamato groused. "Those kids have no discipline."
Kotori and Kakashi waved goodbye sometime later, parting ways with Genma, Aimi, Yamato and Yugao as they headed out onto the street.
"We'll get together soon, okay?" Aimi whispered, hugging her tightly before releasing her. "Take care of yourself."
Yugao glanced towards Kotori, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you," Kotori called out, waving goodbye.
With that her friends disappeared into the night. Hokage Tower loomed in the distance and Kotori remembered the reports she had never gotten around to reading, the ANBU patrol rotations she needed to revise, the Bootcamp Training schedule she now needed to mockup, the -
Kakashi caught her hand and pulled her back. "That's enough."
"What - ?! "
His voice was firm. "You're exhausted. You're up before dawn and come home after dark. You're barely eating. I don't know what assignment Tsunade-sama has you on, but this is getting ridiculous."
"Just because I'm village bound doesn't mean my missions aren't a little intense at times. You were in ANBU once. We used to spend weeks barely sleeping, living off ration bars. At least I get to sleep in a bed."
It was the life most of her subordinates still lived, with barely any downtime between missions. Everyone was exhausted. She wasn't the exception.
"Tori-chan, at the end of the day, you and I aren't people to them," Kakashi said, jerking his head towards Hokage Tower. "We're just tools. If you break down, they will discard you and move on to someone else. You have to take care of yourself."
"I'd like to change that," she quietly said. She didn't want to be the kind of leader who viewed shinobi as just pawns or tools. In her heart she knew that was why Hinoki had suggested her. It was why she had to work harder.
Kakashi's face softened. "Me too. Now come on, let me take care of you if you're not going to do it yourself."