AN: Sorry, sorry, I meant to get this posted a while back but I've been so nervous for this chapter that I became my own worst problem.

Some housekeeping - Yugao was part of the Logistics and Medical Division in the war arc, but I took some creative liberties. She can still have her moment with Hayate off-page. I just never liked what they did with Yamato and he deserved better. While this has been canon compliant with Kotori doing her own thing in the background so far, from here we'll start to see canon being slightly altered.

He could feel Kotori tossing and turning in the bed next to him.

"Nooo - " she cried. "P-please! Stop!"

Kakashi's heart twisted at how absolutely terrified she sounded. He reached over, gently touching her shoulder. "Tori-chan, wake up."

She shot up, her hand automatically grabbing the kunai on her bedside table. He caught her wrist before she could stab him. She starred up at him, with wild frenzied eyes as she panted. Her eyes widened as she recognized her surroundings, focussing on him.

"Easy. You're okay. It's just a nightmare."

She immediately dropped the kunai, her hands trembling as they covered her face in horror.

"I could have hurt you!"

"I knew where the kunai was," he calmly replied. It was always a risk when waking a sleeping shinobi from a nightmare. Kotori, in particular, was prone to a violent reaction if she was startled from her sleep. Something he attributed to her time in captivity as she had never been that way before.

He knew a lot had happened - between Pein's invasion, Danzo's fall and now preparations for the war. Tensions were at an all time high. Kakashi understood - the ghosts of his own past gave him little rest these days. He thought of Obito and Rin more and more as the fourth war approached. Not just them, but many others who had sacrificed themselves in the last war. In the coming days ahead, they would be faced with many impossible decisions. Kotori had been distant for weeks and suffering from reoccurring nightmares. Every time he saw her, the purple circles under her eyes became more and more pronounced. With him frequently being sent to meet with the other villages and prepare for the oncoming war… he cursed himself for not noticing sooner.

"Tori-chan, talk to me," he all but pleaded with her.

"It's nothing - silly, just a nightmare." She was blocking him out and he didn't know how to stop it. He hated watching her retreat into herself.

"Whatever's bothering you, whatever's keeping you up at night, you can tell me," he whispered.

Her fingers flexed, tightly gripping the blanket.

"It's just - with the war, and everything's that happened. I - I'm worried."

"I know. I'm worried too." He wished he could promise her that everything would turn out fine, but they both knew he couldn't do that. "What are you most worried about?"

Her eyes flickered away from his, staring off into the darkness. "That I - that I'll lose you."

It was a strong possibility. Kakashi was sure that his death during Pein's invasion had only heightened those fears. Had proven that either of them could die. He struggled knowing that Kotori had died, his own nightmares fuelled by what could have happened. His mind creatively filling in the gaps and envisioning her death, each time more horrific than the last. He couldn't imagine having actually witnessed it, having to live with that.

Now he would be in the thick of the fighting once more. Tsunade had woken up just in time - he had been dangerously close to being named the sixth Hokage. Instead, he had been named the commander of the third division. He would be leading a fifth of the Allied Shinobi Forces into war. Kotori's skillset meant that she was part of the Intelligence Division under Inoichi. Keeping watch over everyone, but not being able to fight herself. He did not envy her her role in this war. Inoichi and Shikaku were asking a lot from her. And if he died - she would have to witness it all over again.

"I promise, I'm going to be out there fighting every second for the life we talked about."

"It's hard, some days, to imagine that life." Her eyes were shiny, but she didn't cry.

"Then let me tell you a story," he said. He pulled the blanket over them as she curled into him. Her head rested on his chest as he whispered their plans. Plans of a quieter life after the war. The oft spoken words between them a mantra, a prayer, a promise.

As he spoke, Kakashi thought about the ring he kept sealed inside a scroll in his pocket. He had found it that day with Kotori; underneath the trap door where his father had stored family heirlooms. It was a simple gold band his father had picked out for his mother. Two delicate bands of gold weaved in and out of each other, representing their lives intertwined together.

It felt like fate that he had found the ring in that moment and he knew what he should do. It was a promise that they would always be together. That when this war was over he would marry her the very next day. He was just struggling with the timing. Perhaps it was the romantic hidden deep inside of him that had read one too many of romance novels, but he wanted the occasion to feel special. Fancy dinner, candlelight, rose petals, wine - that sort of thing. He worried he might not get that chance anytime soon.

"Tori-chan?" He whispered.

But her breathing had levelled out and he didn't want to disturb her if she had managed to fall back asleep. He settled in next to her, holding her close until he too drifted off.

The next morning, the only trace of the nightmare was the remaining dark circles underneath Kotori's eyes and her sheepish smile. In the morning light, she looked more herself. She sat on the foot of the bed, handing him a cup of tea.

"Here, I'm sorry for keeping you up half the night."

"S'all right," he tiredly replied.

"And I'm afraid a messenger came for you this morning," Kotori said, offering him a scroll.

They both knew what it contained. Kakashi had hoped for at least a few days in Konoha before leaving again.

He took the scroll from her, reading his next set of orders. He would be going ahead with Tsunade and Shikaku to meet with the representatives of the other villages in Kumo. They would be separated for two weeks, at most, as the rest of the Allied Shinobi Forces would be meeting them at the designated base camp outside the Hidden Village.

The deadline for the Fourth War was rapidly approaching.

The morning was silent as he ate breakfast and packed his things. Kakashi made a final sweep of the Hatake compound. Most of their friends had moved out as more and more houses were built in the village. Only those who were out of the village more often than in it remained. Like Guy and Yamato, who he had not seen since they had set out on Naruto's training trip. Or Anko, who was deep undercover on a reconnaissance mission. Their things were stored in spare bedrooms, waiting for them to return.

"Take care of yourself. If you need me, I'm only a bird's call away."

"Don't worry about me," she said.

"I'll see you soon. I love you."

Her eyes softened. "I love you too."

He was granted a room to himself at the base camp. It held a cot and was spacious enough to have a work station that he could spread out maps and scrolls. Alone at night, he took the opportunity to speak to Kotori. He opened his window, to the chakra bird that sat sentry on his windowsill. It perched on his finger as he spoke to it.

"I have some time," Kakashi told her.

Her chakra bird chirped in response, nuzzling her head against the palm of his hand.

Kakashi didn't have as many chakra birds as she did. He only left his grey jays in a few key locations, one of them being the Hatake Compound. He held the bird seal and could see Kotori standing under the pavilion in the garden. He loved how at home she looked there. Ever since she had moved in, the garden came more and more alive as various songbirds found homes in the trees. He joked that she was like some fairytale princess with all of her songbirds and woodland creatures.

"You shouldn't worry so much about me," Kotori reassured him. "I'm stuck in meetings every day. You're the one out there."

"Also stuck in meetings," Kakashi said, this time in the room with her chakra bird in hand. "Only, with the representatives of the other villages."

The chakra bird puffed up her feathers, looking disgruntled at the thought.

"It is that awful," he agreed. "I miss you."

He held the bird seal to hear her response.

"- miss you too. I'll be at base camp soon," Kotori said. "Inoichi says we set out in five days."

She chatted with him until she could see his eye begin to droop and insisted he needed his rest. Kotori stayed outside for a little longer with only the glow of the half moon for company. The darkness… the stillness… it was nothing compared to Danzo's cells underneath the village. A shiver went down her spine as she remembered. She had later found out from Ensui that she had been held for a day and a half in those cells. Just long enough for the ANBU to organize a coup against the Root agents.

Sometimes, sometimes in her nightmares she was back on Sanada's table. Her bones being broken one after another before he healed them - only to begin again. Sometimes the nightmare blurred together with her time spent with Gyoku all those years ago. The lightning dancing through her body, electrocuting her from the inside.

She slept better in Kakashi's arms, as if he alone could keep her demons from finding her. But even then… it was a losing battle for both of them.

The more Kakashi stressed over everything, the more he fussed over her. She could see it - his need to fix, to protect. His need to wrap her tightly in bubble wrap and keep her safe from harm. His own trauma from the third war resurfacing over Rin and Obito's deaths. The few nights he was in Konoha, she could hear him creep out of their bed into the washroom. The running of water until he eventually returned. If she tried to interrupt him, he would quickly finish and insist he was just using the washroom. The cemetery was still intact as it was outside the blast radius from Pein's explosion, however Kakashi was often too busy to visit the Memorial Stone. She had seen him pulled a thousand different ways in the weeks since Madara had declared war on the five great shinobi villages.

It didn't seem fair to dump her own trauma at his feet when he was dealing with so much. That's what she told herself. That there would be time to fall apart after the war, she promised herself. But for now, she had a responsibility to the village. And so she busied herself each day until she was so tired she collapsed each night.

"Captain Hawk - "

"I'm busy." She purposely closed her eyes as she meditated on the sunny rock, her hands held in the bird seal.

She had directed more and more of her chakra birds to the areas surrounding what would be the frontlines of the Fourth Shinobi War. Every day she created more, coming close to exhausting her chakra on multiple occasions. Her hundreds of thousands of chakra birds would provide coverage throughout the Land of Fire and the battle fields. Combined with some chakra transmission device, she would be able to give Shikaku and those at Headquarters live coverage of the war.

"This is ridiculous, I've given you more than enough time. We are heading into a war. It's time for you to resume your duties," Masato said.

She had been successfully avoiding the ANBU Commander ever since she had been rescued from Danzo's lair. At first he seemed to understand her needing space. Her orders had come straight from the Hokage or delivered by scroll from Ken or Mamoru. There had been no talk of her resuming her position. Which suited her as there was more than enough to do between cleaning up Root, repairing the village, monitoring her chakra bird network and preparing for war.

Kotori released her seal. She opened her eyes to coolly stare him down. "Last I heard, I was demoted."

"You and I both know that was bullshit."

"Then why didn't you interfere?" She was furious at him. He had been her commander and had said nothing - donenothing - when Danzo had been undermining her and blaming the fallen defences on her.

"You were in charge of the village's security," Masato said. "And there was no reason for both of us to take the fall. Danzo wanted you gone and you made it very easy for him."

"That was your plan wasn't it? Or was it Shikaku's? Let me provoke a riot. Well I have no interest in coming back to be your little scapegoat the next time things go south," she coldly replied. "Tell Tsunade-sama to find someone else."

"There is no one else."

"I'm sure you would have found someone if Danzo had succeeded in killing me." Her voice was saccharin sweet.

"Everyone in this village is replaceable. My mother, my father, my wife - I've lived to see every one of them replaced," Masato snapped. "So yes, I would have found someone else, but you're still here. Do you want me to sing your praises? Get on my knees and beg? There are few who are as talented and clever as you. Even fewer who have the capability to command hundreds. Who have earned the respect and admiration of the ANBU. They were willing to overthrow the Hokage. Think about what that means. If you don't come back, they're going to notice the tension. This isn't the time for division. You can be angry at me all you like, but don't take it out on the village. They need you."

The silence rang between them.

"I will do my duty to this village," Kotori tiredly agreed. She always had. "But the day after the war is over, I'm done."

"I'm sure Tsunade-sama - "

"No, I want your word - I can retire in peace after the war." She thought of her conversation with Kakashi. The daydream of what they would do after the war. The tiny flicker of light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

"On one condition."

"Oh fuck off, haven't I done enough for - "

"I would appreciate you training a replacement."

"Fine."

"Then I will prepare release papers, you can present them to the Hokage once the war is done," Masato relented. His voice was impassive as he glanced towards one of her chakra birds sitting on a nearby tree. "How many of those have you amassed by now?"

"Hundreds of thousands, maybe even a million," Kotori admitted. "Numbers that high - it's not worth it to try and count them all."

Masato let out an impressed whistle. "And you can reabsorb all of them? Maybe we should let you get a crack at Madara."

Kotori's response was a feral grin.

xXx

The Allied Shinobi Nations had their base camp deep in the mountains of the Land of Lightning, located a safe distance away from Kumo or any civilian villages. This would be their rallying point before the five divisions made their push through the Land of Steam and Land of Frost to get to the battle field. They had determined from their Retcon units that the enemy was hiding in a place called the Mountain Graveyard. Already units had gone ahead to help evacuate villages that were in harm's way. Most of them would be evacuated south into the Land of Fire. Although others would be taken into the Land of Lightning or by sea east to the Land of Water.

Kotori glanced outside her bedroom window at the thousands of tents pitched below. As she would be staying here with the rest of the Intelligence Division, she was granted a room within the building. Of course, she was sharing it with three others from Konoha. It was just a place to sleep and store her few belongings.

More and more tents went up as units poured in from across the Allied Shinobi Nations. They would have three days here before they received their instructions.

Kotori wandered along the corridor until she found Kakashi's room. He had sent a note via one of her chakra birds to come find him as soon as she was settled in. The two of them were careful not to give away their relationship with so many foreign shinobi around. They may be allies for now, but neither of them trusted Kumo, Kiri or Iwa after decades of war and conflict. Kakashi's position afforded them some privacy at least, as she slipped inside his room. As he had been here for the week as part of the Konoha delegation, he had also been granted a room. Although his was much larger and nicer than her tight quarters.

Dinner was a candlelight affair consisting of camp rations. Kotori had the purple wildflower Kakashi picked for her behind her ear. Just for one evening, the world outside their four walls faded to a dull noise.

"This is probably the fanciest gruel I've ever been served," Kotori joked.

"It's all about presentation," Kakashi seriously said, as if he were a connoisseur of such delicacies. Likely from years of turning ration bars and what could be foraged or caught on missions into something somewhat edible. "And the ration bar crumbled on top it gives it more texture."

Kotori snickered into her bowl. Texture would be one way of putting it.

"I used to live off these," Kakashi said. There was candlelight flickering in his eye. "Before I met you and then later when I - those years I had my head up my ass about you. Kotori, I - "

"You don't have to say anything." Because it sounded too much like a speech he had carefully prepared, a speech in cause he didn't come back. One that Kotori wasn't ready to hear.

"I do," he said. "Kotori, you've made me a kinder person. Without you, I - "

"You were always kind, Kakashi. I didn't do anything. But I think, you've made me a stronger person," she said. "Not just as a shinobi, although I probably would have been dead by now without your teaching."

She smiled softly as she thought back to those early years on Team Ro when she was the new girl on the team. He had been so hard on her back then.

"No, that was you this entire time," he said.

She felt her cheeks glow at the praise.

Kotori stood up from the table, walking over to him. She straddled his lap, cupping his face in both of her hands as she lowered the mask to look at him. To memorize every precious detail. Because as much as she didn't want beautiful speeches or drawn out goodbyes, this might be it.

"I've been thinking a lot the last few days, what I wanted to say tonight."

She put a finger to his lips, stopping him.

"Kakashi, I already know." Because she had already heard his dying words all those months ago. She knew how he felt. What was most important for him to tell her. Tears slipped from her eyes. "And don't you ever do that to me again."

Her lips came crashing down on his, needing to feel him. They didn't break apart as he picked her up and carried her towards the bed.

It was hours later that Kotori drifted somewhere between half asleep and fully awake. She felt safe and yet anxious. She could feel the warmth of his body radiating behind her. The electricity of her skin pressed against his. He had wrapped himself around her as if he could keep her safe, just for this one night, from the world around them. His arms pulled her close to him and his leg rested almost possessively on top of her hip. They laid in silence for a long time. She could tell he was still awake by the way his breathing hadn't changed nor had his hold relaxed.

"I need you to promise that you'll come back to me," he eventually said.

"Kakashi - " her voice caught in her throat. They both knew she couldn't promise that. There was no telling what this war had in store for either of them.

"Winning this war will mean nothing to me if I lose you in the process. I can't let you - I won't let you become another name on some rock."

His left hand fiddled over top of hers and he slipped the ring onto her finger. Her eyes widened as she freed her hand to look at it. Two delicate bands of gold weaved in and out of each other around the ring.

"Is this…?"

"It's a promise," he said. "That the second this war ends, I will find you. We'll get married, we'll go home- we'll retire from active duty, we'll plant a garden, we'll travel the world, we'll have three kids and too many ninken. Whatever you want. I just want to be yours."

"Kakashi - " she was stunned.

"Maybe I should have asked first, but you did keep interrupting my speech - " Kakashi chuckled, his hand automatically reaching to the back of his head. "Sorano Kotori, will you marry me?"

She was crying as she said, "Of course I will."

xXx

Kotori shot up in bed, her heart beating wildly. She looked at her hands, whole and unbroken. Not even a scar from when Sanada severed and reattached her fingers, one by one. Kakashi's arm searched for her and she laid back down, allowing him to embrace her once more. She closed her eyes, trying to calm her breathing so that she didn't wake him. Instead, she played with the golden band that now sat on her finger, anchoring her to reality.

She was safe. She was safe. She was safe.

xXx

Kotori tried not to look at the ring on her finger too much the next day. She had even switched it to another hand so that no one would ask. Only her friends would realize the significance as Kotori didn't typically wear jewelry. Especially in uniform.

"He finally put a ring on it?" Aimi teased.

"Oh shut up."

"I mean, if we cut out all the breaks, it's only been ten years."

"Quit teasing her, we could use good news now more than ever," Shiori scolded her. "Let me see!"

Shiori had come with the Logistics and Medical Division. Both of her young sons were staying with her parents in Konoha. Shiori would be part of the medical unit staying at HQ. Shinobi who required more advanced care would be transported. Kotori had offered Raiden's assistance with airlifting patients from the medical camp Shizune and Sakura were running. Meanwhile Aimi was also in the Intelligence Division. She would be Kotori's partner throughout the war. Kotori's chakra birds would allow her to keep watch over the five divisions while Aimi would be able to telepathically communicate to Inoichi and other Yamanaka.

They were interrupted by Yugao. Her face was white and her hands clenched. "Aoba and the others just returned - He said - Yamato's been taken by the Akatsuki?! We can't - we can't abandon him."

Naruto's location was so secure that even Kotori's little birds couldn't find him. While they had recalled Aoba and Guy to the frontlines, she had assumed that Yamato was still with Naruto. She could feel the blood drain from her face. No.

"We're not abandoning him."

"Inoichi said that they're not sending a retrieval team. I had asked to go."

"Yugao - We. Are. Not. Abandoning. Him."

Masato wanted her to resume her duties. Fine. She would wield what limited power she had at her disposal.

"Kakashi and I have too many duties here, but you and Satoshi - " Kotori let her words linger. "It would have to be stealth. And there's a chance they may kill you both."

"I know." Yugao's eyes were steel as she accepted her task.

Kotori gave her friend a long hug. "Be safe. Bring him back."

xXx

Kakashi sought out Ensui the next morning under the guise of needing to go over plans for the days ahead of them. Ensui would be on his division, working closely with Yamanaka Santa. The Nara-Yamanaka pairing was a tested and true duo that worked well together.

Ensui gave Kakashi a polite nod as he entered Kakashi's room. "You wanted to speak to me?"

"Kotori hasn't been well," Kakashi admitted. "I'm worried for her."

He knew damn well she had had another nightmare last night and he was powerless to do anything but hold her until she fell asleep.

"That's hardly a surprise, given everything that's happened. You weren't around last time so you didn't get to see it."

Kakashi could hear the accusation in Ensui's voice. But it was something else that bothered him. Last time. The words echoed in his mind.

"Kotori said you got to her in time." She wouldn't have lied about that.

Ensui's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he slowly started shaking his head.

Kakashi could feel dread pool in the pit of his stomach. "What did Danzo do to her?"

xXx

Kotori was waiting for Kakashi in his room. Dinner consisted of more gruel with wild mushrooms and other edible plants foraged from the mountainside. She had topped it with a wintergreen leaf. For aesthetics.

The door creaked open, and Kotori looked up. The smile faded from her face as her eyes caught Kakashi's. Kakashi's eye was cold with a fury that she had never seen directed at her before. She could see how taunt his jaw was underneath the line of his mask.

"Kakashi, what - ?"

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? I got the full story from Ensui. Everything that happened since Hinoki was killed- you - you've been hiding - you were taken captive by Danzo and tortured and you didn't think to tell me? You've been covering it up for months? You lied to me!"

Kakashi's anger had always been a cold and brutal thing. Each pointed word stabbed into her chest like a knife.

Kotori's heart pounded in her ears as blood rushed to her face.

She was furious at Ensui for betraying her confidence to Kakashi. Furious at herself for letting it get to this point. And furious at Kakashi for letting her down again by proving why she couldn't tell him in the first place. His first instinct, after finding out she had been captured and tortured was to yell at her? There wasn't even the tiniest bit of concern for her?

She forced herself to keep her voice calm. "Yes I'm sorry, I lied. You were under too much stress and I didn't want to add to it."

"Don't." He held up a hand. "You don't get to decide what's too much for me to handle."

"Oh like you don't?" Kotori snapped back. "Every single fight we've ever had was because you decided what was best for me!"

"I've stopped doing that."

"Because I was village-bound for almost a year. Admit it, you were relieved I wasn't out there chasing the Akatsuki."

Kakashi closed his eye and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He didn't have to say anything for her to know her words hit the mark. He had been relieved.

"It's not easy, but I've been trying. And this isn't even about the Akatsuki. This is about you. I've been worried sick about you for months and you've been lying this entire time. You should have told me, I would have - "

"You would have what, Kakashi," Kotori hissed, tears gathering in her eyes. "Gone off on another revenge spree? Tracked down every last Root agent to the ends of the earth? We didn't have time for that. Our village was in ruins, we were going to war - And I couldn't - I - I needed you to be there for me and you weren't. You took my trauma and made it all about you and your needs and your feelings and never once stopped to consider mine."

"Tori-chan, I - " Kakashi's eye widened in understanding. He took a step towards her, however she took a step back, frantically shaking her head.

"You left me," Kotori half screamed, half sobbed. She was no longer able to control the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. Her voice was quieter when she said, "How could I believe this time would be any different?"

"I thought we were passed this!"

"I'm not. I live in constant fear that my pain will be too much for you. So I - I didn't burden you with it. And it's not fair to me."

Some part of her was still stuck in that moment, watching him walk away when she needed him most. Some part of her had always been waiting for him to do it again. For something to become too much for him. For her to become too much.

"I never asked you to hide from me. We need to trust each other for this to work."

All of their plans for the future shattered around her as the realization hit her.

She loved him. She loved him so much it hurt.

But she couldn't trust him. Not with every part of her like she had before. He had taken her trust and shattered it so completely that no matter how hard they tried to piece it back together, no matter how badly she wanted to - she couldn't. There were all these missing pieces and some of the edges were jagged and rough. She kept getting stabbed by them. Perhaps she was a fool for ever letting him back in.

"You're right - you're absolutely right," She whispered. She took the ring off of her finger. "You can have this back."

"Tori-chan - " his voice caught in his throat. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I'm sorry." Tears flooded her vision as she opened the door.

And this time, she was the one who walked away.