The Bennets arrived at the Lucases Party early, but they were such favorites of the family that it was almost expected. Lizzy dashed to Charlotte, while Maria giggled with Lydia and Kitty. Mrs. Long and Mrs. Bennet bickered, and Sir Lucas and his son attempted to speak to Mr. Bennet, who quietly listened with an occasional joke.
So, Jane and Mary wandered together, but alone, to the window. Each wrapped up in their thoughts.
Jane's thoughts surrounded Mr. Bingley. They had dined four times together at parties and had the opportunity for two more dances. Including these occasional visits, she really didn't know the man at all, but she felt as though she'd known him longer. "Better snatch him before he sees you for what you are."
Jane cringed at the thought. She hadn't thought much past marriage. Would she have to keep this facade up forever? How could she find the love that Lizzy spoke of when she felt so heavy? Until she had Lizzy's vibrancy, she couldn't have that explosive, fairytale love. She would have to settle for a muted, monotone affection.
She felt like she could have that with Mr. Bingley. She even thought, with his happy manners, maybe she wouldn't miss Lizzy so vehemently. Mr. Bingley did have Lizzy's playful ways, happy disposition, and manner of explanation. This seemed essential to his core, and her heart buoyed at the thought.
He was mindlessly nurturing as well. That wasn't the right word, Jane thought. But he made sure she had whatever she wished, without her voicing it. At the Longs dinner, when he went to get some tea, he brought her back some as well. He didn't expect a thanks as he smiled at her and turned to continue his conversation with his neighbor. It was as if he didn't realize how kind he was.
He went out of his way for everybody, even the servants, smiling and apologizing when he bumped into them. He did this frequently, as he would get ideas and turn to do them at once, not realizing someone was behind him or walking around the corner towards him. She saw him help clean up a tray he had upturned by accident.
His sisters, she noticed, were not as gracious. But they were kind towards herself, and Lord knew Jane was full of flaws, so she couldn't blame the sisters.
All in all, Jane thought she would be happy to be with him.
As people filed in, Jane and Mary were called from the window to socialize. Jane was standing in a group with her mother when the Bingley party walked in. Jane gave a smile to Mr. Bingley, who immediately walked over to her.
"Good evening, ladies," he said with a smile, "a marvelous night to be together with friends." All the matrons giggled and fluttered over him. "Charming" was the whisper that followed Mr. Bingley. A whisper Jane was jealous of. And apparently Mr. Darcy as well, since he watched his friend from the wall, but under whispers of "intolerable," he seemed in no mood to appease the people decidedly set against him.
"Miss Bennet, would you care to sit?" Mr. Bingley asked. Jane smiled and took his arm, and they wandered to the couch. As soon as they sat, Mr. Bingley spoke.
"I feel like for how little time we are together, I'm always especially excited to see you," Mr. Bingley said quietly, "which may seem ridiculous to you, as I am always speaking and you are always watching. But I feel like I can be different around you." Jane's face stayed clear, but her mind immediately overworked itself. But the words she said surprised herself.
"You don't seem very different to me. The entire neighborhood adores you and your happy manners. And the joy you have is infectious, but your ability to be serious and considerate is even more endearing."
"You are the first to ever use the word serious to describe me," Mr. Bingley laughed.
"You're quite a bit like Lizzy," Jane said. "She also projects laughter and joy, but when you talk to her, she has serious and knowledgeable thoughts. I've heard your discussions, and while it's true that your intelligence is different from Lizzy's exceptional book knowledge, you learn things quickly. I'm sure you had no reason to understand crop rotation when your father was in town and in trade. But now you understand it enough to offer practical implements to the land."
"I suppose that's true," Mr. Bingley said in confusion. "But I came to talk about you. Usually, when people are so beautiful, they spearhead the conversation. Look at my sister, your sister, and your mother; whatever conversation they have, they control the whole of it. But then you have Miss Lucas. Even though she's interesting, knowledgeable, and a joy to listen to, she gets pushed to the sidelines. And now my rambling has come to you. Even in these side conversations, you say little, but it's insightful and caring. Why do you say so much to me but not to your friends and neighbors, even when they flock around you?" Jane laughed softly. While in his presence, she felt a kindred, complimentary spirit, yet away from him, she second-guessed herself.
"I don't feel as comfortable as Lizzy does amongst crowds. She can entertain the masses; I prefer to watch. And maybe I talk to you because you listen, and prove it by asking questions." Mr. Bingley blushed slightly.
"Have I been too forward?" he asked. "I like talking to you, but maybe I forget myself in my enthusiasm. I just wondered why we could sit comfortably here, but when someone joins in our conversation, you quiet like a candle blown out."
"You're friends with Mr. Darcy; doesn't he do the same thing?" Jane said, glancing at the man, who was staring at her sister.
"Like you wouldn't believe," Mr. Bingley said with a grin. "He's really only at peace at home. And I don't mean any four walls he has a deed to; I mean his main estate, Pemberly. The farther he gets away from it, the more reserved he becomes." Mr. Bingley looked thoughtfully at Mr. Darcy, who still looked at Lizzy while talking to Miss Bingley. "I'm grateful he values our friendship enough to spend so much time so far away from Pemberly for me."
"I'm sure," Jane said, "your friendship is worth more to him than a fortune. Not all of us are so at ease in the company of strangers, and a happy friend to the reserved soul is like a lifeline." Jane smiled at Mr. Bingley, who looked contemplative, before Lydia demanded dancing.
"Come, Miss Bennet, let's have a dance. Dancing is a sure way to brighten any mood."
Jane smiled, for he was almost correct. Dancing could be a chore, but with the right partner, it was a joy. Jane felt joy.
OOXXOOXoXXx
One morning, Lydia and Kitty bounced home, rejoicing that the militia was to come to town. Mrs. Bennet quickly got swept up in the frenzy, which escalated to the point that Mr. Bennet emerged from his bookroom. He leaned on the door of the parlor, watching the fervor for a minute, before speaking:
"From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced."
Kitty was disconcerted and made no answer, but Lydia, with perfect indifference, continued to express her admiration of Captain Carter.
"I am astonished, my dear," said Mrs. Bennet, "that you should be so ready to think your own children silly. If I wished to think slightingly of anybody's children, it should not be of my own."
"If my children are silly, I must hope to be always sensible of it."
"Yes - but as it happens, they are all of them very clever."
"This is the only point, I flatter myself, on which we do not agree. I had hoped that our sentiments coincided in every particular, but I must so far differ from you as to think our two youngest daughters uncommonly foolish."
Jane sighed. This sort of talk was typical for her family, but it was by no means easy to listen to. Her father ridicule. Her mother's defense of her girls was fickle, dependent on whether she liked them at the time.
Kitty looked close to tears, and Jane remembered feeling that way. To be so excited about some interest only to have someone call you silly and ignorant for it. It made Jane hide away all her interests, a trait Kitty had yet to learn. Granted, losing your head over officers was inadvisable at the best of times. But Jane felt there was a better way of addressing that concern.
Jane felt a tap on her shoulder. Mrs. Hill smiled as she passed Jane a note. The dear woman knew Jane loved quiet communication. Jane smiled back and took the note. From Miss Bingley, how exciting. She enjoyed the sisters' company; they were so mild and had good humor. A different environment entirely than the one at home. Mrs. Bennet spied the note.
"Well, Jane, who is it from? What is it about? What does he say? Well, Jane, make haste and tell us; make haste, my love."
"It is from Miss Bingley," said Jane, and she then read it aloud.
"My dear Friend, - If you are not so compassionate as to dine to-day with Louisa and me, we shall be in danger of hating each other for the rest of our lives, for a whole day's tête-à-tête between two women can never end without a quarrel. Come as soon as you can on the receipt of this. My brother and the gentlemen are to dine with the officers. - Yours ever, CAROLINE BINGLEY."
"With the officers!" cried Lydia. "I wonder my aunt did not tell us of that."
"Dining out," said Mrs. Bennet; "that is very unlucky."
"Can I have the carriage?" said Jane, glancing out the window.
"No, my dear," Mrs. Bennet said, with a gleam in her eye. "You had better go on horseback, because it seems likely to rain, and then you must stay all night." Jane opened her mouth to protest, but Lizzy laughed instead.
"That would be a good scheme," said Elizabeth, "if you were sure that they would not offer to send her home."
"Oh! But the gentlemen will have Mr. Bingley's chaise to go to Meryton; and the Hursts have no horses to theirs," Mrs Bennet countered. Lizzy looked surprised at her mother's information and looked to Jane with rising concern.
"I had much rather go in the coach," Jane begged. The embarrassment of showing up in such a state would be mortifying. Her pleasant afternoon was ripped to shreds in front of her. Her stomach began to ache.
"But," the matron smiled excitedly, "my dear, your father cannot spare the horses, I am sure. They are wanted in the farm, Mr. Bennett, aren't they?"
"They are wanted in the farm much oftener than I can get them," Mr. Bennet said non-committedly.
"But if you have got them to-day," said Elizabeth, "my mother's purpose will be answered."
Mr. Bennet looked at Jane thoughtfully, then about the room, the book in his hand, and over to Lizzy. Jane felt as though he agreed with her mother. To send her to the Bingleys as a trade. Keep this daughter for the support of this family. Jane felt that her value was being judged against the weight of the book in her father's hand.
"The horses are indeed engaged," the man said. "You cannot reject the invitation now, so hurry off."
Jane was shocked, preemptively mortified, and feeling absolutely hateful. Her father chuckled and walked back to his bookroom. Jane was glad, for she hated the sight of him. Her mother rejoiced and walked her to the door, giving her many instructions and predictions of joy. Jane wanted to throttle her, to slap her! She imagined it would make her feel better. But, alas, she could not. She could only stare at the stables and push down angry tears.
Jane settled on the horse and walked away. But the matron had forgotten one aspect of Jane.
Jane could ride.
Jane pushed the nag up to speed and flew down the road, trying to outrace the storm. She was nearly successful. She had only gone three-quarters of the distance before the heavens broke, thoroughly soaking the both of them.
Jane strongly considered not visiting the Bingleys. But she couldn't go home, and she couldn't stay out in the storm. So, she anxiously waited on their doorstep, her stomach swirling and her head pulsing.