Bellarke Songfic

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Synopsis

If thoughts were songs and our lives were soundtracks.

If the creators had given us the Bellarke we wanted.

Bellamy and Clarke might have faced their feelings sooner.

Certain events might have played out a little differently.

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My story is based and inspired by a TV show and novel series called, "The 100". The 100 and its characters were created and brought to life by author, Kass Morgan. I have the upmost respect for her and her work, as well as the tv show's developers and writers. Some dialogue in my story is borrowed from the tv show, while other parts of the dialogue are borrowed from lyrics pertaining to the song each chapter is titled after. I love and admire the show and song writers. No copyright infringement intended.

This story is written from multiple character points of view because I love delving into their minds. Some chapters include Author's Note (AN) at the beginning or the end. These contain insight or notes of my thought process during those chapters. My story is rated 'M' for potentially mature language or chapters. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

A/N: The original plot, characters, and some dialogue is borrowed from the tv show. Other parts of the dialogue are borrowed from lyrics of the song "Dive", by Ed Sheeran. No infringement intended. I love and respect the show and song writers. The twists are all mine, though! Hope you enjoy!

Bellarke Songfic

Chapter 1: DIVE

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(Bellamy POV)

Together. After everything we went through, that word had taken on a deeper meaning for me. Clarke and I were forced to learn how to see past our flaws and recognize each other's strengths together. Even when we disagreed, we struggled to protect our people from a myriad of Earth's dangers together. We saved each other's lives, we took countless risks, and we suffered many losses together. The latest of things we did together, was sacrifice parts of ourselves and hundreds of innocent lives in order to save our friends from the Mountain Men.

As we walked, I looked among our friends and the Arkadians that Clarke and I rescued. Yet, my eyes always land on her. It was hard for me to process everything we'd just done, but I knew my Princess was taking it worse than I was. When we finally arrived at our camp, Clarke told me that she had no intention of staying. I wanted to understand her reasons, but I didn't feel like I could handle the rest of it without her. I needed her to stay so we could figure things out together, like we always did.

"Clarke, if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you." I spoke from my heart, letting my raw emotions go unchecked. "You're forgiven." I said to her and watched my words hit their mark. No doubt, she remembered having uttered those words to me when I needed them most.

"Come inside." I nearly begged. I hoped Clarke would understand that I needed her with me, as much as she had previously said she needed me.

"Please, take care of them for me." Clarke simply replied, and my heart thundered in my chest.

"Clarke..." I spoke her name but couldn't form any of the other words my head and heart were screaming at me to say.

I didn't know how to convince her because I knew Clarke Griffin. She was the strongest-willed person of anyone else I knew. Her determination was one of endless things that I admired about her, especially when she set her mind on defending our people. But in that moment, I could see that she had set her mind on abandoning us.

"Seeing their faces every day …" She paused to shake her head. "It's just going to remind me of what I did to free them." Clarke explained.

"What we did, Clarke. You didn't do it alone." I was quick to add. "You don't have to shoulder this alone either."

I wanted to tell her that I didn't want to do it alone, but I was sure Clarke could hear the words I hadn't spoken. She always seemed to. Her eyes watered before she looked away from me, and I knew what that meant. Clarke was strengthening her resolve, just as I'd seen her do so many times before.

"I bare it, so they don't have to." Clarke said, as if that explained it all.

And because I could also hear what she didn't say, I knew she included me in her statement as well. I was on the losing end of the conversation. I knew it and I felt gutted, but I was also desperate.

"That's bullshit, Clarke." I countered.

I wanted to argue. I wanted to convince her to stay. Then, Clarke turned her tear-filled eyes towards me. Any argument I was building inside me just deflated because I couldn't argue against that look.

"Where are you gonna ago?" I asked instead, resignation replacing any previous urge to argue.

"I don't know." She whispered, confirming my fears. Clarke had not made any plans for her safety, and she wasn't leaving me a way to find her.

As if the moment hadn't been painful enough, her kiss on my cheek felt like torture. It burned through my otherwise numb body as she hugged me tightly. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her, wishing I could keep her with me.

My mind swirled with thoughts I wouldn't voice as I held her - Maybe I came on too strong or waited too long. I played my cards wrong. I've been known to give my all and to jump in, harder than ten thousand rocks on a lake.

I wondered if that's what I was doing - jumping in too hard and caring too deeply for someone that was leaving me. Clarke noticed the look on my face, then she spoke softer than she ever had before.

"I hate that I'm hurting you, Baby. It doesn't mean I don't need you, but I just … I need to be gone. Please, be safe while I'm away." She told me before adding a whispered and breathy goodbye against my neck. It felt like the knife she plunged into Atom's neck so long ago.

Don't call me Baby unless you mean it. Don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it – My thoughts begged, knowing I couldn't say the words. I knew my sentiments weren't what she needed from me in that moment.

"May we meet again." Clarke barely got the words out. Then, she walked away.

I watched her leave for several moments. My feet wanted to run after her, but I willed them to stay. As Clarke got further away, I did the only thing I could.

"May we meet again." I whispered hopelessly, then walked into camp.

Time went by as it tends to do. Yet, none of my training with Lincoln, the hours I spent patrolling, or the different distractions ever seemed to dull my need for her. I wasn't willing to fill the void of Clarke with any other girls at camp. Only time and our friends helped me move forward from that day at Mount Weather. Still, I knew I would carry it with me forever. I hoped that Clarke had already made her peace with it, because I was no longer willing to wait for her decision to return. We learned there was a bounty on Clarke's head, so I would stop at nothing to find her and bring her home safely.

It was an indescribable feeling when I saw Clarke through my gun's scope, being hauled across that field by a grounder. Neither would I forget the look she gave me when I found her tied up in that bunker, or the way she begged for my life when I was attacked from behind. It was enough to break my heart and send it soaring at the same time. Unfortunately, I was knocked out. When I woke up, I was hurting, bleeding, and Clarke was gone again.

The bigger blow to my heart was when I finally found Clarke again, but she decided to stay in Polis. Lexa told me she could protect her, but I sensed there was something more to her words. Clarke told me her reason for staying was to make sure Lexa kept her word about the treaty, but I felt there was more to her words too. That realization stung worse than the day she left. I was stunned into silence.

She mouthed the word 'Baby' as she stepped closer to me. Then, she whispered, "Please, Bellamy. I need you..." Clarke paused just long enough for me to think that maybe she needed me. But then she continued. "I need you to go back without me."

My heart plummeted. My anger flared. My mind reeled - You're a mystery. There's no other girl like you; no one. You've got a tendency to lead some people on. You do.

Memories of Clarke's closeness to Finn and even Niylah before she left them behind. It was a painful realization that she was doing the same to me. My breath stuttered as I strengthened my resolve to leave her behind. Suddenly and without any planning, my mouth finally released the words I could no longer keep in.

"I've been known to give my all, Clarke. I've lied awake every day and night for months. I don't know how much I can take. So just, don't call me 'Baby' anymore unless you mean it. And don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it." I breathed deeply but there was one thing left. "Just let me know the truth." I added, knowing I deserved at least much from her.

I had poured out a previously hidden part of my heart to her. Afterwards and for the first time in a long time, I could not imagine what Clarke was feeling or thinking. I stared into her watery eyes as she stared back at me in shocked silence. I didn't know what she was searching for in my eyes, but whatever she saw, caused a tear to slide down her cheek.

"I'm sorry."

That was all she said, and what remained of my heart just shattered. With nothing left for me to say, I turned and left her there before she could see any more of my pain.

So many things happened after that day. Many of those things put Clarke and I at odds with one another any time that our paths crossed. The day that I woke up underground to learn that my sister had won the conclave, Clarke and I found ourselves on entirely opposite sides once again. So opposite in fact, she was pointing a gun at me. I had to save my sister and Clarke should have known that much about me. I wouldn't let my sister die without trying everything in my power to prevent it. I couldn't.

"There's no time for this. The radiation is getting worse, and people are dying, and Octavia is up there!" I yelled at Clarke and ran for the door. She fired the gun, and the sound stopped me in my tracks. I turned to look at her incredulously. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked, stunned that she had actually pulled the trigger in my direction.

"What I always do ... whatever I have to." Clarke responded adamantly, but she appeared more torn than I had ever seen her. "Now, move away from the door." She commanded forcefully, but I could see the pain in her eyes.

"No." I responded harshly. "This isn't like the dropship lever, or the lever in Mount Weather, or in the City of Light." I told her with conviction, ignoring the tears building in her eyes. "We knew what we were stopping those times. We know nothing, this time." I tried to make her see reason.

"We know that if that door stays closed, the human race survives. We'd both survive … together." Clarke replied and her vulnerability finally showed. "Please, Bellamy." She begged me.

"Lately, I've been sitting back looking at every mess that I made. I've tried to make things right again, or as right as I can. The only things I won't ever regret doing are whatever I had to do to protect my sister … or you, Princess." I sighed, then continued. "This will be one of those times. I have to save my sister, just as I would if it were you on the other side of that door."

Clarke tried to stifle a sob, but fresh tears streamed down her cheek. "Look at me, Bellamy. You know I don't want to do this, but our people will die if you let them all in here. Please, Baby. Please get away from the door. I need you." Clarke begged again and I nearly growled.

"I asked you before, Clarke. Don't call me 'Baby' unless you mean it. And don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it." I spoke, looking her in the eyes, challenging her to deny how I suspected she felt.

"I do mean it, Bellamy. I need you, and I think you already know that." Clarke finally admitted, so I nodded as I saw her hand tremble.

"If you pull the trigger again, you'll need to make it a kill-shot, Clarke. That's the only way you're gonna stop me." Clarke had been my weakness since long before I could admit it. And it looked like I was also a weakness for her.

Clarke finally lowered the gun, never removing her eyes from mine. There was so much that I wanted to say to her, but there really wasn't any time. I had to save Octavia. I nodded my head slightly and left her with fresh tears pouring from her eyes.

A/N: End of Chapter One. I hope you'll the rest of my story.