A/N: The original plot and characters, and some dialogue is from the tv show. Other parts of the dialogue are borrowed or derived from lyrics of the song "You Are The Reason", by Colum Scott. No infringement intended. I love and respect the show and song writers. The twists are all mine, though! Hope you've enjoyed it!

Bellarke Songfic

Chapter 3: YOU ARE THE REASON

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(Clarke POV)

The midday sun was unforgiving, especially the early months after Praimfaya. Scavenging and moving debris became too heavy a burden during daylight. Later, my pregnancy became more draining than I could have imagined. At first, I had been surprised to discover the ruins of Heda's tower. It appeared to have fallen with parts of it covering the bunker's entrance. That shock, amidst so many other feelings, had driven my urge to clear the rubble as soon as possible.

Over time, I returned every other day. I only stayed in the valley for a day between trips. It was just long enough to gather strength and supplies. It was an all-consuming need to get to my people. I was tired of being alone. Every day, I was haunted by ghosts of my memories. And every night, they haunted my dreams as well. So, I threw everything I had into trying to clear the rubble over the bunker entrance. But it was to no avail and enough was enough.

I finally reached the commonsense conclusion that it would still be a few years before the bunker could be opened. No amount of rushing or exhaustion on my part would change that. So, I decided it would be my last trip to the ruins until after the baby was bigger and able to make the trip with me. I mentally apologized to my mom and the people under the ground and whispered, 'may we meet again.'

My over exertion and the extreme heat that day had affected me worse than past visits. I was really kicking myself for not bringing extra water with me. I drove the solar powered Jeep as far as I could before I started feeling dizzy. Not wanting to risk a crash and losing my only means of transportation, I set the jeep to park. I estimated that I was at least halfway back, so I chugged the last of the water and hoped it would be enough to keep me going. It wasn't. I reclined the seat, assuming a few minutes of rest would help.

"There goes my heart beating… and you are the reason I'm losing my sleep." I told Bellamy on the radio. "I wish you could come back now." I added, rubbing my growing baby belly, sitting by the lake.

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(Bellamy POV)

Training had started out as a hobby to pass the time but soon became a coping mechanism. If I was focused on the act of blocking or attacking, then I wouldn't be thinking of her. And if I lost focus and got hurt, then it was only a small punishment. I deserved far worse. That day, I had trained until I felt nearly faint, then walked to the observation window. I knew I'd overdone it, and yet, I didn't bother reaching for my water ration. I'd gotten off too easy after leaving the love of my life to die in an apocalyptic fire and radioactive hell.

I squeezed my eyes tightly to block my view of the charred Earth from where I was sitting. Of course, doing that only brought her face to my mind, along with the memory of her eyes, and the deepest wish in my heart that she had managed to survive somehow. It was a wish I wanted to believe so much. But if she was alive, then I had to keep going – for Clarke.

"There goes my mind racing… and you are the reason that I am still breathing." I spoke to her despite knowing she could not hear me on Earth from where I stood on The Ring. Unexpectedly, I thought she probably never would again, and my hopes crumbled. "I'm hopeless now."

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(Clarke POV)

I was drifting in and out of sleep, but I knew I needed to get back home. I just couldn't wake up enough to drive safely. It reminded me of the day I nearly died, then very nearly ended my life. That had been a particularly rough day and I had not realized how far I wandered while exploring. I had enough food for a time, but I wanted to search for anything I could scavenge for long-term survival.

Memories flit through my mind of the scorching heat, my still healing blisters, the sand dunes almost as tall as mountains. I remembered that bird, and my gun. I had felt so alone and so hopeless. Then, I remembered having touched my stomach and thinking of Bellamy.

"I'd climb every mountain and swim every ocean just to be with you 'cause I need you to see that you are the reason I didn't give up that day, Bellamy. You're also the reason I won't give up now. You see, I won't be alone in a few months." I told him with a sad but hopeful smile as a tear slid down my face and my baby kicked inside me. "I wish so much that you could feel this, Bell. All my tests say that I'm doing okay. They all show the baby is doing as well as can be." I told him while caressing my belly. "She's a girl." I choked out with a sob.

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(Bellamy POV)

There was an ache on the side of my head, and I realized I was lying on the ground. I groaned and blinked my eyes open just enough to see that I was at the window, facing what remained of Earth. Things looked blurry so I closed my eyes again. I was having trouble focusing my thoughts, but I was piecing together that I had passed out and hit my head on the way down. I tried to reach for my water canteen or the walkie to call for help, but my limbs felt weak and too heavy to move. I couldn't be sure how long I'd been on the ground, but I didn't have enough energy to get up. In the end, it suited me just fine. Sleeping always meant I'd dream of Clarke.

Clarke's talent never ceased to amaze, I thought to myself as I gazed at the art decorating her old cell walls. I squinted my eyes and realized some of the drawings were of our friends. I saw Jasper's smiling face showing his goggles to a Mya. I also saw Atom holding Charlotte's hand as they walked through the trees. Then, my heart constricted when I saw a blissfully happy Octavia hugging Lincoln.

"There go my hands shaking, and you are the reason my heart keeps bleeding." I said to Clarke, reaching to touch her face on the drawing of us standing together. "I need you now."

... ...

(Clarke POV)

There was a breeze, and I was grateful for it, even if the air was warm. I was still in the jeep, and I concluded that I had been going in and out of consciousness. There was no telling how much time had passed since I'd stopped the jeep. I should have been concerned but the feeling in the air transported me back to the day I found Eden.

The valley had looked beautiful, lush, and surprisingly untouched by Praimfaya. The water was fresh and crisp, the fruits were ripe and sweet, and I had my fill of both. After resting underneath the shady trees for a while, I walked a few yards to discover the village amongst the trees. Not only was there water and food, but there was shelter too. Unfortunately, my exuberant happiness died with choking anguish the moment I discovered the decaying bodies in the temple. I had not thought or prepared myself for that possibility.

That day, I recalled some of the most impactful losses I'd endured and the ones I had caused. I thought of my father and of Lexa and pondered what might be different if either, or both, had lived. Their deaths had been out of my control, but I often wondered if I could have done anything to prevent them. Finn and even Atom's deaths were mercy kills at my hand, and both left a mark on me. But no scar would ever be deeper than all the deaths I had caused in Mount Weather.

It took me several days to move and bury the bodies from that temple in the valley. The deaths of the Louwoda Kliron Kru, or Shadow Valley Clan, weren't on me. But I was the only one around that could take care of their remains. That sorrow filled task took me several days to complete, but it was still less time than it took me with the dead at Mount Weather.

There was body at the temple that reminded me of Maya. That was hard because she reminded me of Jasper. His death had been his choice, but I'd played a part in what led him to that decision. Just as my choices had also led to Charlotte choosing to take her own life. Then, my thoughts turned to Wells and my heart still cracked whenever I thought of him.

There were so many choices and mistakes that I wished I could change. Some of them had felt so right, only to end so badly. Unfortunately, no amount of regret could ever take me back in time. And there was plenty to regret. Thankfully, one of the few things I would never regret was falling for Bellamy. I only wished I could be sure that I sent that signal in time to save him and our friends.

"If I could turn back the clock, I'd make sure that Light defeated the Dark." I told Bellamy into the radio. "I would have done so many things differently, Bell. I would never have wasted a single day with you, and I'd spend every hour of every day keeping you safe." I sobbed and I could almost hear him replying. He'd say that I had his forgiveness, and he'd remind me that we saved who we could.

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(Bellamy POV)

My eyes fluttered open again and I realized I was not in Clarke's old cell like I thought. Instead, I was still laying in front of Earth's viewing window. My head was hurting, my stomach was nauseated, but my grief overshadowed everything else. My hand touched the glass, and I wished it was Clarke. I could hear her yelling that I had a concussion and needed to stay awake, almost as if she were there.

I used the strength of Clarke's voice in my head to push away from the glass and towards my walkie. I managed no words but pushed the call button a few times. I heard Raven voicing her annoyance and asking who was pushing without speaking. I heard Monty and Raven, followed by Emori and Echo, all saying it wasn't them. Finally, I heard Murphy reason that it had to be me, since it wasn't him either. I took that moment to press the button a few more times. Raven asked why I wasn't speaking and if I was okay, but I couldn't answer.

Monty deduced that I was not okay and asked where I was. I still couldn't give an answer. Murphy said to push once for no, and twice for yes. Then they started listing places and waiting for my response. I was fading off to sleep, no matter how awake I tried to stay. It was Echo that finally asked if I was at the viewing window. I pushed button twice with the last of my strength. The last thing I heard was Murphy's voice yelling that he was almost there.

"I'd climb every mountain and swim every ocean, just to be with you and fix what I've broken." I said to Clarke as my hand caressed the edge of her drawings. I was back in her old cell again. Even though I was sure it was a dream again, I kept talking because those were all I had left of her. "I wish I could go back to save you like you saved me, Clarke. I'd do anything for you, Cause I need you to see that you are the reason, Clarke."

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(Clarke POV)

Dehydration and heat exhaustion were real, and so were heat strokes. Any of those could be brought on more easily due to my pregnancy. I felt so debilitated by the heat and lack of water that I feared it could hurt the baby or kill us both. Despite the lack of fluids, I cried in earnest. I should have known better, but I was entirely unprepared. I had been too foolish again, and all in my rush to do something that wouldn't be needed for years to come. My stupidity could cost me my baby and even my life. I wept until I felt myself falling asleep again against my will.

"I'm so tired, Bell. I don't want to fight no more." My words were labored, as I cried into the radio.

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(Bellamy POV)

It felt like I was moving but I wasn't walking. It felt like what Octavia described swimming was like once. Thinking of her made my heart ache. She was waiting for me under the floor again, but it would be several years before I could get to her. I needed to have faith that she was okay; that they all were. I remembered Miller was with her and so were the rest of our people. In that moment, I thought of Abby and the promise I made her. I didn't know how I would ever face her again after leaving Clarke to die. Hell, I hadn't figured out how to face myself after leaving her.

Suddenly, the weightless movement ended, and I fell further into my slumber. It reminded me of the Jobi nuts hallucinations outside the bunker where Clarke and I found the guns so long ago.

"I don't think I can do this, Clarke… but I don't wanna hide no more." I told Clarke, but she faded away right before my eyes.

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(Clarke POV)

The sound of thunder woke me suddenly, and it began to rain heavily. The jeep windows were open, so the splashing water helped to wake me further. I gathered rainwater in my hands to drink, and then gathered some to refill my container. After a few minutes of letting the rainwater revitalize me, I rubbed my wet face to wash the grogginess away in order to start driving again.

While I drove, I noticed the radio was still safely inside my pack. That meant that I hadn't actually used the radio all day. All my conversations with Bellamy had all been delusions in my head. I shook my head and focused on driving. When I got home, I ate some fruit and was rewarded with kicks from the baby. It was a good sign, but I ran a sonogram with the portable machine I'd brought from the bunker. I was so grateful that the baby looked well, so I picked up the radio to make a real daily call for the day.

"Today was a rough day, Bell. I messed up and put us in a really bad situation. Had it not been for the rain …" I stopped there, not wanting to finish the statement. "But we're okay now, and I won't be that foolish again. I just … I don't wanna cry no more." I sobbed, wishing Bellamy could be there with me. "I wish you could come back; I need you to hold me." I told him before putting the radio down and hugging by belly - our baby.

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(Bellamy POV)

When I woke up again, I was on my bed with Murphy and Raven at my side. Murphy handed me some water that my mouth desperately wanted, but Raven reminded me to take small sips. She said Monty had read about concussions and dehydration. I asked how I got to my bed from Clarke's cell, and they looked worried. It made me feel like I was crazy.

Murphy explained that he'd found me at the viewing window and carried me to my room. Then Raven told me that Harper sewed two stitches on the side of my head. My hand went to the sore spot on my head, as I rationalized dawned on me. I had hallucinated being in Clarke's cell for my conversations with her while I'd been unconscious. Memories of Clarke's pictures and the words I'd spoken kept swirling in my mind as the rest of my friends clamored in my room to make sure I was all right. After they'd all been convinced that I was and would be okay, they finally left me to rest.

"It had all felt so real, Clarke." I spoke to her, wishing she could hear me from the bed I rested on. "I miss you so much, and I just wish you could come a little closer. I need you to hold me tonight." I added and wrapped my arms around myself, wishing like hell that she was there.

A/N: End of chapter three. I hope you're enjoying my story.