Ch. 6 Filling Every Moment of Every Day to Keep the Ghosts Away
(DREW)
Clare takes a deep trembling breath before answering, "I ate a full meal yesterday when Drew took me to lunch."
"What about sleeping? When did you last sleep through the night?" I inquire taking the energy drink from the coffee table.
"I…I don't know, before Thanksgiving I think," Clare admits.
My eyes widen and I stare at her a moment before looking at my brother in shock. If she's accurate and telling the truth it's been over six weeks since she slept all night. If I go a couple nights with only a few hours I'm a mess.
"Are you sleeping at all?" Adam questions.
"A little, an hour or so a night…maybe two," she says weakly.
"You need to go to the hospital Clare," I comment trying to pull her up.
"No, no, I can't go to the hospital, they'll call my mom! She'll never let me out of her sight, she can't know. She can't know…she can't know…" Clare repeats the last part over and over. At the same time she curls into a fetal position on the sofa and begins trembling or perhaps rocking lightly.
Adam and I glance at her and then stare at each other unsure of what to do. I'm honestly not really sure what Clare is panicking over. If it's all just that she doesn't want her mom to know that she's not sleeping and eating. I know her mom wouldn't be happy, but it can't just be her mom finding out and that Helen wouldn't let her out of her sight for that. We still don't know the reason Clare hasn't been sleeping or eating and filling every minute of her day, there has to be something behind it. People don't just stop sleeping and eating without something triggering it.
I want to force her to eat and sleep, but I can't really do either. Well, Adam and I could probably hold her down and try to force feed her, but she's likely to just choke. Mom will force her to eat at dinner, and she is staying. I can at least get her to drink something bedsides these energy drinks. She hasn't eaten much and is likely to be lacking some vital things in her body. We have electrolyte drinks in the fridge, I'm sure she needs more than that, but it's a start. I hop up and grab one from the fridge, when I get back to the sofa I force her to sit up and look at me.
"You need to drink this Clare, the whole thing," I tell her. I open the bottle and hold it out for her. For a few seconds she just stares at it, but when I grimace at her she takes the bottle and begins drinking. I put my arm on the back of the sofa, not quite holding her but almost.
"Talk to us Clare, we know you missed co-op this morning. We know something is going on. We won't take you to the hospital, but you have to talk us Clare." Adam tells her. His voice is the most stern and commanding that I've ever heard it.
Clare bites her lip, looks at her hands, takes another sip of the drink, and a deep breath before she starts to answer. "I haven't been to co-op in weeks," she finally says and takes another drink before continuing. "When we wrote my article, we were working late. Everything was fine, professional, and then he kissed me."
"He did what?!" Adam exclaims astonished.
"I'll kill him," I snarl angrily and my fists clench on instinct.
"I ran, didn't know what to do. Went back the next morning and was worried about the kiss, and about running too. He didn't mention the kiss at first, and then I brought it up. He apologized quickly, told me it was a mistake and how awful he felt. I believed him, I wanted to believe him."
"Did he kiss you again?" Adam questions.
"No, but I went back after school, he had asked me to. I went on assignment with him, everything was fine, totally normal and then we were back in his car, and he caressed my cheek. He said no one needed to know, and that he knew I wanted it too. I tried to get out of the car, but he grabbed my arm. I slapped him, he told me if I cared about my career and my life I'd keep my mouth shut. Then he shoved me out of the car and sped away. Next morning, he emailed me my time sheets. All signed by Asher, one for every week through the end of the semester. He had my hours, notes, everything. I took that as a sign that I didn't need to go back, and I haven't been," Clare says. By the end her voice is shaking and her eyes are swollen and red with saltwater that will burst free at any moment.
"So, where the hell have you been in the mornings?" Adam demands.
"Centennial, a diner, the house, even the roof of the school," she replies quietly.
"Have you had any further contact with Asher?" I query. My hands are still clenched, I'm still stiff and angry.
"I haven't sought him out or anything but have run into him a couple of times. I think he's scared that I'll talk, he keeps threatening me, reminding me not to talk. Reminding me that if I don't talk he'll write me glowing recommendation letters that will get me into just about university and any job. Then reminding me that if I talk I'll regret it."
"So he's stalking you now, I am going to kill him," I growl. I'm irate and all I want to do is get my hands on Asher, he's kissed her, assaulted her, threatened her and stalked her. As far as I'm concerned he deserves to die. I stand up, ready to bolt and march into The Interpreter office and just pound in Asher's face. I don't even make it a step before Adam grabs my arm and pushes me to sit again.
"Sit down Andrew, you can't just go barging into The Interpreter and hitting Asher," Adam censures me. My brother knows me well, and I still want to go pound in Asher's face, but I sit with a grumble. When I'm sitting Adam looks back at Clare. "Is that everything Clare?"
"No," she exhales softly. Her eyes shut tight as she prepares to tell us whatever it is. My nails dig into my hands, I already want to kill Asher and whatever she's about to tell us is probably going to make me want to kill him more. Clare takes a deep breath, but her eyes remain closed as she speaks. "I doubt either of you would have known this, you weren't even in Toronto yet, but Darcy was stalked once. I was thirteen, she was sixteen. She wanted to raise money for cheerleading and took some sexy photos that she got paid money for. Money from a guy Peter was supposed to know but didn't."
"So, some random pedophile," I interject.
"I guess so," she shrugs. Her eyes open but she's looking at the floor and won't meet my eyes or Adam's. "I was still attending Trinity Academy; I wasn't around for a lot of it and neither Darcy nor my parents ever told me much. One day we were walking home from school, and he stepped out of the shadows. He said hi to Darcy and she told me to go inside, I didn't want to leave her. I ran inside and called 911, he was arrested, pled guilty and was sentenced to jail time. I hadn't thought of him since we were told he was going to jail, but I've been seeing him around for the last few months. Usually, he's just lurking but he asked me where Darcy was once. He's followed me a few times," she confesses and then dissolves.
She breaks into tears and begins to shake. Adam and I both put our arms around her, just letting her cry. I'm angry, I want to go rip off some heads, but right now she needs us to hold her, so we are. After a few minutes of crying, she lies her head back on the sofa mumbling that she has a headache. I put the electrolyte drink back in her hand.
"Drink Clare, it will help you need to replace some fluids and other things. I'm afraid to give you anything for the pain because you barely have anything in your system," I tell her. She puts her head up again and begins sipping slowly. "Good, finish the bottle and then lie down with your eyes closed for a bit."
Clare nods a little and within a few minutes she's consumed the entire bottle. I move so she can lie down, and Adam goes to the kitchen. He returns with a cold compress for her head. He puts it over her forehead and for a few minutes we just sit there staring at her, watching her rest. Then everything she told us comes back to my mind.
"I'm calling Officer Turner," I remark getting up. Clare's eyes shoot open, and she starts to sit up.
"I'll call Jake," Adam adds.
"No, no police reports and Jake will tell my mom. It's fine I j…" Clare starts to argue. She's shaking, her voice thin and nervous, but I've had enough.
"It's not fine Clare!" I bark sharply and she flinches. I release a deep breath and sit next to her. "Asher sexually assaulted you, threatened you and now he's stalking you to keep you afraid. This other man is also stalking you, hoping you can lead him to Darcy or maybe he'll turn his attention to you. You can't handle this alone; I know you don't want your mom to find out but she's going to. Better she does so now than after you put yourself in the hospital or one of these men do," I remark. I do my best to keep my voice even and calm. I'm not angry at her, but she can't do this alone.
She just looks at me, her lip trembling, her eyes glossy with saltwater. She's shaking a bit and I can actually see in her eyes everything she seems to be afraid of. The scenarios she's afraid of. Clare lies down again, curling into a fetal position and shaking. I look at my brother, I feel lost. I want to help her but she's terrified, and I don't think she's had enough food or sleep in the last several weeks to have rational thought.
"I'll call Jake, he should at least know and can help when we do tell your mom. Our mom will be home soon, we'll convince our parents to let you sleep over tonight, I'll have Jake bring you a bag. You can't keep this secret Clare; we have to tell Simpson and Miss Oh. I know you know that we do," Adam tells her.
She doesn't say anything but does sort of nod as she continues crying. I put my hand on her arm and try to soothe her but she's pretty out of it right now. I get up and decide to call Officer Turner anyway. He will know what to do, and keep it discreet, he knows Clare he'll handle it well. I tell Officer Turner briefly everything she told us. Hanging up just as Adam is hanging up with Jake.
"Officer Turner says that you should come down tomorrow morning to make a formal statement. You can have your mom and your lawyer present if you wish," I say after hanging up with Officer Turner. Her crying has calmed enough that she can hear me. She uncurls slightly, sort of looks at us, but doesn't sit up.
"I don't want my mother there; she'll make it worse. I don't have a lawyer," Clare replies.
"Dad will take care of that, I'm sure he can get someone from his firm. Jake is on his way with a bag," Adam tells her.
"I need the washroom," Clare says after a moment.
Adam helps her up and we watch her walk fairly unsteadily to the washroom. While she's in there I grab some water for her. When she returns to the sofa I give her the water and she starts to sip at it. Adam puts on the TV but we're not really watching, it's just noise because none of us know what to say. The silence is broken when Jake comes in with a bag for Clare. He sets the bag on the coffee table and gives Clare a worried look.
"I packed everything I could think of, I don't think I missed anything," Jake comments.
"Thanks," Clare says quietly just as we hear our mom get home.
"Jake, can you stay with her for a bit while we talk to our mom?" I request.
"Yeah, no problem," Jake nods. I get up and he takes my spot on the sofa next to her.
"Hi Mom," Adam and I say at the same time as we run upstairs.
"Well, to what do I owe this enthusiastic welcome?" Mom inquires. She's giving us both the 'what are you hiding' look.
"Clare needs to spend the night," Adam and I say at the same time again.
"Her co-op boss kissed her, and he's been harassing her," I inform Mom.
"Another man has been stalking her too, looking for her sister. She's so stressed out she hasn't been eating or sleeping. She refused to go to the hospital and she's worried about her mom finding out," Adam adds quickly.
Mom just stares at us a moment while she takes in all the information. "Okay," Mom nods after a moment, "she can stay in your room again Adam. I need to start on dinner. Sounds like Clare's been through a lot, the poor dear. Is Helen okay with her sleeping over?"
"Jake brought her a bag, he'll tell Helen," I remark. He'll tell Helen something, whether he tells her Clare is sleeping here I'm not sure.
"She's going to need a lawyer," Adam speaks up.
"I'll call your father and see about getting a lawyer. I need to get going on dinner, get back downstairs with Clare," Mom says shooing us from the kitchen.
"Mom says you can sleep over and she's calling Dad to arrange a lawyer for you," Adam tells Clare as we return downstairs.
"Thanks," Clare smiles.
"What do I tell our parents?" Jake asks.
"I think it's best we don't tell them anything just yet. I'll text Mom and tell her I'm sleeping at Alli's or Jenna's. We'll have to tell the parents, but let me make my statement first," Clare requests. Her voice shakes, she's on the verge of breaking down again and Jake sees it.
"Okay, I won't say anything for now," Jake says but with some reluctance.
"We'll take care of her," I assure him. Jake looks at me and Adam nods and leaves reluctantly.
"You need to sleep and eat Clare, you can't go on like this, and no more energy drinks," Adam tells her when Jake is gone. "You also need to cut back on your schedule Clare, you're doing too much. If you were a vampire that never slept I still think it would be too much," Adam scolds. It was a lighthearted scold though and it gets her to crack a smile.
"I know," she sighs softly, "I started filling my schedule after Asher's attack. It got worse after seeing Adams, every time I would see one of them I'd get more anxious. Filling every minute of every day to not think about them."
Adam puts his arm around her, and it occurs to me that it might be better if Dallas was not home for dinner. I text Owen asking if he can keep Dallas for dinner and he replies back sure, though he does send a raised eyebrow emoji so I'm sure he'll ask about it tomorrow.
We spend some time trying to work on homework but give up pretty quickly. Adam puts on the TV, and we sit on either side of Clare watching TV until mom calls us for dinner. Thankfully my parents don't bombard Clare with a lot of questions over dinner. Dad does tell her that he arranged for a lawyer from his office to take her to the police station in the morning. He also says her mom can be there, but of course Clare doesn't want that.
After dinner we return to the basement and manage to get our homework done, Clare even tutors me. Dallas returns while we're doing homework, he has some of his to finish. We tell him that Clare is sleeping over and Adam will sleep on the sofa again. Dallas nods but doesn't ask any questions. Her drinking and sleeping in the prop room was enough of a scare for him I think.
Before bed we help Adam change his sheets, get set up on the sofa and get Clare everything she needs. I get ready for bed and get to sleep but something wakes me up later. I hear noises in Adam's room, not crying but noises so I get up and investigate, I knock softly and peek in. Clare is up and moving around Adam's room, kind of pacing back and forth.
"You okay Clare?" I question.
"I can't sleep, or more accurately I'm afraid to. If I close my eyes I'll see them, they're in my dreams. It's part of why I've been filling my schedule. Falling asleep out of exhaustion," she confesses.
"You need to sleep Clare, come on, I'll lie down with you," I tell her, taking her hand.
I pull her back to the bed and get her under the covers. I lie on top of the covers and talk to her until she's asleep. I stay for a little while to make sure she's asleep before returning to my room. If she wakes from a nightmare this time she doesn't scream and wake the whole house. When I see her the next morning she doesn't exactly look like she slept much but doesn't have dark circles under her eyes or anything. Just after we finish breakfast the lawyer from Dad's office arrives to take her to the police station. Adam hugs her goodbye; we tell her we'll see her at school and the three of us go out to my car.
"Okay, someone want to clue me in?" Dallas requests as soon as we're driving to school. At least he had the tact not to ask in front of Clare.
"Clare's co-op boss sexually harassed her, and if that wasn't bad enough he's been threatening her to keep her mouth shut," I inform him.
"On top of that a man that once stalked her sister, and was arrested for it, is out of jail and has also been stalking her," Adam adds.
"Well fuck, I knew it wasn't good when she downed those two beers and fell asleep in the prop room but shit, that's a lot to deal with," Dallas comments.
We spend the rest of the drive filling Dallas in. We maybe shouldn't be spilling Clare's secrets but with two men stalking her the more people watching her the better. When Dallas and I get to our lockers we see Jake at his, Owen and Eli are at their lockers as well.
"Hey Jake, Clare's with the lawyer," I tell him. Of course Clare's name in the same sentence as lawyer draws the attention of Eli and Owen.
"Why does Clare need a lawyer?" Eli questions.
"Yeah, what's going on?" Owen asks.
I look around the hallway, there's a lot of people milling about, and they could overhear. I start walking and so do they. I find an empty classroom and we all go in. Very quickly I fill Owen and Eli in, much like with Dallas in the car.
"Dammit, I knew something was wrong, she kept insisting she was okay though. I should have done something but I didn't think it was my place," Eli growls, hitting his fist into his hand.
"We all knew something was wrong, but when we tried to talk to her she'd get angry. I don't think you would have gotten anything out of her, Eli. She probably would have snapped at you and then not talked to you for a couple of days," I tell him.
"Hang on stalker guy, err the first one…not her co-op boss, do you know what he looks like?" Owen inquires.
"No, she didn't say and as far as I know I've never seen him. Why?"
"Back at the beginning of school Fitz and I were walking and saw some creep around Clare. As soon as we called to her and started over he quickly left. She said he was lost or something but both me and Fitz were worried and walked her home," Owen replies.
"Probably him, I'll ask her about it," I comment just as the bell rings. "We'd better get to class. I'm sure Adam is having a similar conversation with Clare's other friends, and we can tell Fitz and B but for now I don't think anyone else should know. If she goes to trial with Asher, people are bound to find out anyway."
We don't see Clare again until lunch, she happens to be coming out of the office as we're leaving class. Everyone crowds around her and talks to her at once. At least until I tell them to stop. We all end up eating in Mr. Betenkamp's room. No tutoring but she does tell us about her formal statements to the cops, pressing charges and telling Mr. Simpson and Miss Oh.
She looked a little tired this morning but now she looks totally exhausted and worn out. I want to hug her, hold her, and tell her it will be okay that she's safe. I resist, even as she tells us that Asher will be investigated but it's unlikely to amount to anything. She waited so long to report and it's not like there was evidence to begin with.
We find out the other man's name is Stuart Adams, and he was released from prison a few months ago. He hasn't done anything he can be arrested for, but she was told to begin documenting how often she sees him. She does confirm that the man Owen and Fitz saw her with that day was Adams.
Clare is barely done telling us all of this and everyone is either looking at her worried or firing off questions when she's called to the office. I find out in last period from Jake that the lawyer told Helen and she came to get Clare. He's going home straight after school to be there for Clare, and keep Helen from making it worse, although she may have already.
The next few weeks are pretty tough for Clare. She is taken from co-op and put on independent study in the mornings. She also has to have mandatory sessions with Miss Sauvé each morning. When I ask Clare about them all she ever says is they don't seem to be helping. Everyone has been watching her a lot closer, all of her friends found out and even Spinner knows. According to Fitz he hit the roof when he found out about what Asher did and about Adams being back.
Clare has seen Adams a couple more times, she's documented it but he's only been in her vicinity. Along with documenting she always tells one of us when she sees him, usually by text as he seems to lurk and wait for her to be alone. We try to avoid her being alone but it's not always possible. As for Asher he's being investigated but it's her word against his with no evidence. At least with Asher being investigated he hasn't approached her again.
She's still not sleeping great, though she was given a prescription for a sleeping aid. She did cut back on her schedule, she was forced to, I don't think she actually wanted to. She gave up Degrassi Daily altogether and let Liam take over as editor. Stopped her online courses and is only taking one dance class that is on weekends.
She still tutors me at lunch and occasionally after school, Fitz sometimes joins us as well. They come to the house after school quite often, both stay for dinner and then Fitz will drop her at home. She's still working on the programs for Eli's play since she was nearly done and it's not a lot of work. With only a few weeks left in her Centennial courses she refused to give those up.
All of us are making sure she eats, and her family is doing what they can to make sure she sleeps. Even with the sleeping aid she often wakes up from nightmares, and when she does Jake waits up with her or she'll call either me or Adam, and we'll stay up talking to her. Overall she's doing a lot better, eating and getting some sleep, less afraid and not living off energy drinks. I don't think she'll feel entirely safe until she knows Asher and Adams are arrested or no longer going to bother her. Even then there's a lot of emotional and mental trauma to work through. I'm happy she's getting better and very happy she and I are spending so much time together.
After a tutoring session when Fitz takes her home and I feel her absence as a physical pain I realize I like her. I also realize I better tell Adam, so when we go upstairs to get ready for bed I follow him into his room. He gives me a look for following him into his room.
"I need to talk to you."
"Okay," Adam says slowly. I sit on Adam's bed, and he sits next to me.
"I like Clare, really like her," I tell my brother.
"Shouldn't you be telling her that?"
"She's your best friend, I didn't want to ask her out without talking to you first. I don't want it to be awkward for you," I reply.
"I appreciate it, but if you're both happy then I'll happy for you. Just don't put me in the middle of your fights and don't think I'll stop being friends with her when you break up."
"No, of course not. I was a little afraid you'd say she was too good for me or something."
"You're my brother Drew, I know what kind of guy you are. I think Clare would be very good for you. I also know that you would be very good for Clare."
"What if she doesn't feel that way or just thinks of me as your brother?"
"Last year I would have thought that, but this year you two have spent a lot of time together. I know she feels safe with you Drew."
"How do you know that?"
"When she can't sleep she either sits up with Jake, calls me or calls you. She's never called anyone else. Jake is in the same house; he's her stepbrother and their relationship has grown a lot in the last few months. I'm her best friend, and the only other person she calls is you. I know that you've stayed with her until she was asleep the two times she slept here. She feels safe with you Drew, she trusts you, she won't say no because she doesn't feel that way. She might say she can't be in a relationship right now with everything going on though."
"I can handle that, thanks Adam," I smile ruffling his hair as I get up.
Adam grimaces at me for messing up his hair and straightens it out again. I leave his room and start getting ready for bed. I fall asleep with a grin on my lips thinking about Clare.
(CLARE)
"Would you go on a date with me Saturday night?" Drew suddenly blurts out.
I look at him and blink, looking around the classroom, certain that he must be talking to someone else. It's lunch time and I'm helping him study for finals. He was working on a couple of problems while I was making some others for him.
"You're asking me on a date?" I question dubiously.
"Yeah, I can take you to dance class and we can go out afterwards."
I can't help the intrinsic smile that stretches my lips when I realize he really is asking me out, "I'd love to."
"Great," Drew grins. He looks at me another minute, long enough to make me blush, before going back to his work.
I bite my lip, still blushing and go back to making some more problems for him. As always when we tutor at lunch, he makes sure that I eat. When the bell rings we pack up and walk to art together. After class Drew walks me to biology. Adam is there, and I wonder if he knows Drew was going to ask me out and what he thinks.
"I hope that smile means Drew asked you out," Adam comments with a grin. That answers my questions.
"Yeah, Saturday after my dance class."
"Good," Adam grins.
I smile back and sit at my desk. After school Adam and I walk out together, I meet Jake at his truck, and we drive home. I tell Jake I'm going out with Drew Saturday and he smiles. Jake forces me to eat a snack when we get home, I eat it at the table and go up to my room. I do my homework and tell my parents I'm going out with Drew Saturday at dinner.
Thursday is two finals but one of them is art so it's a pretty easy day. I help Drew study for his math final at lunch and after school go home with the brothers and Dallas. I help Drew study for his physics final and stay for dinner. Drew and Adam take me home after dinner.
Friday is the last of our finals and after school is the premier of Eli's play. I stay around after school, sitting with Drew and his parents. Jake is also here but my parents didn't come. The play is good and Eli thanks me for helping with the programs. He thanks everyone that helped bring the play to fruition. After the play, the cast and crew are going to Above the Dot to celebrate. Eli invites me and Drew to go as well. We stay at Above the Dot until it closes, Drew and Adam drop me at home on their way home.
I sleep very well that night, dreaming about Drew. I wake up refreshed and anticipating my date later. Jake is still asleep, and my parents are out so I take a shower and eat breakfast, so some writing and get ready for dance class. I bring some nicer clothes to change into after class, black jeans and plum sweater since I don't know what Drew has planned. I also have my winter coat of course. Drew picks me up for class and stays to watch. I'm a bit nervous to have him here, but at the same time I'm excited to share this part of my life with him.
"You dance incredibly beautifully, so very graceful," Drew smiles when class is over.
"Thanks," I smile, feeling my cheeks heat and blush a little, "I just need to change, and I'll be ready to go."
Drew smiles and I go back to the small dressing room here. Most people change at home and leave to go home, but there is a small one here for changing before and after class if you need to. I change into my jeans, sweater and winter boots before leaving the dressing room and meeting Drew.
"I figured you'd be hungry after all that work, so I thought we'd start with dinner," Drew says when we're in his car.
"Dinner sounds great," I grin.
Drew takes me to Vietnamese for dinner, a restaurant I've never been to, but the food is amazing. Over dinner we talk about plans over the holiday break mostly. We also talk about what classes we're hoping for next semester. He doesn't ask about Asher or the case against him which I'm grateful for. Not that there's much to tell, the case has still gone nowhere, but Asher is still being investigated. Thankfully, Adams has kept his distance recently and I haven't seen him for almost two weeks.
After dinner Drew takes me ice skating and then we go to Queen Street for dessert and coffee. We talk while eating dessert and get more coffee to go. Driving around some neighborhoods on the way home to see the Christmas light displays. When we get to my house Drew walks me to the door.
"I had an amazing time tonight, Drew, everything was perfect," I smile.
"Good, just what I wanted," Drew grins.
I smile back and bite my lip before gripping his jacket and coalescing my lips to his for a sensuous goodnight kiss. I say goodnight and slip inside with a large smile on my lips. I hang up my winter coat and get my snow boots off when Mom comes downstairs.
"How was your date Dear?"
"Wonderful," I smile.
I hug Mom and go up to my room feeling amazing and almost lighter than air. I get ready for bed wearing a smile on my lips. I fall asleep pretty easily, thinking about Drew and the entire day in my mind. I dream about Drew all night long, it's the happiest and safest I've felt in months. Neither Asher nor Adams enter my mind all night long.
I will try to update soon but things are pretty hectic right now. I'm not entirely sure what's going up next, it may very well be more chapters of this as I still haven't decided what to replace "Admit that We're Friends but There's More There" with.