I finally felt well enough to drink a cube of energon of my own free volition; however I did keep the bin next to me in case it decided to come back up a lot faster than it had gone down.

My spark ached from the closed bond with Bluestreak, but I still kept it blocked. If Blue wanted back in my good graces, to feel me through the bond, he'd have to earn that privilege back.

I knew that I was acting like a sparkling, but I felt that I was in the right. After all, Ratchet even said so. I smirked faintly and took a sip of the sweet pink liquid.

Rolling it around my glossa, feeling the tingling energy within it. All the while I sat watching Ratchet take stock of his items, cleaning, and tuning the ones that needed it.

He told me this morning that a new mech arrived late last night around eleven pm. He didn't seem openly thrilled about the mech, but he wasn't being down right rude while speaking of him.

I had a feeling he'd save that for when the said mech actually came into the med-bay. I took another sip of my energon and tilted my helm, thinking intently.

"Ratchet."

I heard the said medic grunt a curse and drop something; it looked more like a torture device than a medical instrument. I shivered and tried not to look at the shiny, pointy, and very dangerous looking object.

"What?" He turned to look at me, the object held in his large servos. I slowly pulled my optics from the blow torch looking thing and gazed up at him unblinkingly.

"When Prowl and Jazz finish teaching me... what am I going to be doing..." I was worried that I would loose my worth; that they would kick me out. After all, I knew I was sitting scrap metal; a waste of space and disposable.

"That depends on what you want to do. There are many things you could do." Ratchet finally answered after a long moment. His optics seemed to look right through me, gaze upon my self deprecation and into my very spark.

It was the reason why I hated being in Med-bay. Ratchet always knew what others were thinking, he always could tell what the source of the problem was.

I both respected that attribute and despised it. Finally I broke his gaze, turning my helm away. The energon in my servos was no longer of interest, a bitter nauseous feeling settling like sludge in my tanks.

I offered a half-aft shrug of my shoulders, my wings flicked down in thought. I could be a medic... yeah... then I could be useful! Then they can't get rid of me, I'll be of importance!

The thoughts quickly came almost hysterically, an edge of panic creeping through my spark. But what if your importance runs out, what if you can't fix the bots? What then? What will you- I shook my helm and looked up at Ratchet with wide optics.

"Would you teach me to be a medic?" I blurted out the words quickly. Before the voice could say anything else, drowning out its venomous incapacitating words. Ratchet examined my optics silently, as if looking for something.

"Is that what you wish to do?"

I blinked and nodded. He seemed to contemplate something, some internal battle.

"When you are sure you are better I will work with you to see if you have what it takes. Until then, out!"

I jumped and smiled weakly. Jumping from the berth, I set my cube down and gave Ratchet a quick hug. I could hear his spark thrumming in his chassis. It was steady, it was strong, it was calm.

Quickly pulling back, I looked up into his optics to see his surprised expression. Offering a small meek smile I turned and darted from the room.

Racing through the hallway I bumped into Wheeljack, he was holding some odd little gismo in his servos. I tilted my helm curiously, most would have run… fast, but again I had no idea he would explode... well not he himself, but the objects he held-I was extremely curious when gazing down at the small rounded sphere.

"What's that?" I asked curiously. Wheeljack seemed to perk up, his helm fins lighting up an excited electric blue.

"This, Autumn, is a little device I've been working on. You see, Ratchet has been able to make the holoforms more like humans. Our holoforms have the ability to breath, feel warm, and are solid."

I nodded remembering Bluestreak's epic holoform. The warm smooth skin that was a soft cream, silver-blue hair and intense neon blue eyes... I shook my helm quickly.

"Uh-huh." I chirped softly, curious as to how the holoforms and this little gismo were connected.

"Well I decided to make something else! It's a mass displacement that allows us to interact with humans, but in our actual bodies! We'll all just be a lot smaller and closer to human specs in size!"

I nodded curiously, somehow understanding what he was meaning to its full extent. My processors started bringing up all kinds of different specs and taking the object apart on my HUD to show me how it would work.

"So this mass displacement would allow us to interact with humans, but we would still be metal... fascinating."

"That's what I said!" His fins lit up even brighter if possible. I giggled softly and shook my helm. Always the eccentric one I suppose.

"Oh, have you met the new mech yet?"

I shook my helm negatively. Wheeljack's helm fins seemed to brighten up considerably.

"Well he's no Perceptor, but he is a good friend of mine! I believe the human term for him would be 'hippie' if I'm not mistaken."

I made a choking noise and burst into hysterical laughter.

I couldn't get the image of the Cybertronian's wearing Tie-dyed T-shirts and smoking weed out of my mind. Oh Primus, now I have to meet this mech! I grinned and bid Wheeljack a polite, yet hasty, farewell and made my way to the main hanger.

Upon entering I noticed a mech whom I hadn't seen before. I paused and crossed my arms over my chassis curiously. The mech was Blue, like a navy blue, with black servos and accents of silver. He had a visor much like Jazz.

Tilting my helm I observed him among the other Autobots. Most of them seemed to stay away from him, especially Ironhide; however Hound seemed to like him.

I glanced over and saw Bluestreak talking with Smokescreen, he seemed really adamant about something if the way he was bowing up with his wings was anything to go by.

I shook my helm and slowly walked over to the newcomer. My wings were tense and on high alert as I silently memorized where everyone was, their movements being collected through the constant data stream of my sensitive wing panels.

"So this is the new bot?" I murmured the words quietly, but both the big green tracker and the unknown mech heard me.

"Well hello. My designation's Beachcomber." I smiled softly back; he seemed like a nice mech. His tone was... very laid back. I could see what Jack meant; I mean the mech was a dune buggy.

"Autumn." I murmured shyly. The mech smiled and tilted his helm. He seemed curious by nature if his posture was anything to go by.

"So what do you do around here?"

I blinked and winced. My earlier insecurities coming forth, rubbing the back of my helm I glanced away nervously. "I'm... gonna be an aid under Ratchet soon, to learn how to be a medic."

He nodded and offered me a gentle smile.

"Well if you ever change your mind, I'm quite the geological dig up. I could teach ya a thing or two!"

I smiled in amusement and shook my helm, but before I could reply I heard a large explosion.

"Wheeljack!" The loud roar of Ratchet's voice echoed throughout the entire base, I wouldn't be surprised if it rang across the island.

Suddenly one of the humans, a female medic by the designation Carson, turned to Optimus and Lennox.

"I thought the room we had built for Wheeljack's experimentations could withstand his errors! You said they had the ability to explode, not go off like Krakatoa or even Hiroshima!"

Ironhide stepped forward with a loud snort. "Well see… there's a difference. Was it explosion proof, or Wheeljack proof?"

I couldn't help the small laughter that bubbled up and free. Primus... and I thought I was danger prone! I heaved a sigh and glanced at the two mechs beside me.

"You think Jacky will be okay?"

"Oh yeah, he does this all the time. His inventions come out sooner or later!" I smiled in amusement.

"But at what cost?" I murmured quietly.

XXX

Dreams of flying. Dreams of destruction. Dreams of being controlled. I kept seeing a mech with purple armor, highlighted with a dark blue. His visor was crimson, but I couldn't see his mouth plates either because of the face mask. He was mysterious and scary. Powerful and silent.

I had been dreaming of this for awhile, seeing this powerful mech. Frankly, he scared the slag out of me. I would be fast in recharge within the relatively safe confines of my quarters only to be awoken by these nightmares. That's where I was right now.

I sat up in the dark space of my quarters, the berth felt foreign to me. The sight of the mech from my visions was haunting me. I could still feel him in my helm. Feel his tentacles attaching to me, holding me down. His monotonous speech, his robotic voice.

I shivered remembering what this one was about. I had been having these for at least two weeks. I awoke from these night terrors so often, that by now I had gotten no recharge in the time that had passed. I practiced with Jazz, went to Prowl for lessons, and studied simple things-such as Cybertronian anatomy-with Ratchet.

-Tentacles reaching, pulling, attaching. Face mask shimmering, crimson visor glowing.- I shuddered and curled into a ball. Fear quivering in my tanks. Getting up I stumbled to my personal wash-wracks which were parallel to my berth. Stumbling to the Waste-Unit I fell to my knee joints and emptied my tanks.

-probing, stabbing, crippling pain. Searching, beating, crawling.- I gasped and tried to steady my breath, but to no avail.

-Designation: Soundwave. Orders: Obey- I shuddered again, my tanks churning. Remembering the way I snarled and spat, clawed and screamed.

-Suggestion: Submit.- I curled in on myself. Fear condensing and swirling, taking over my consciousness.

-Yet a part of me craved to submit to this beast. Told me it was for the best, took over my processor with a hazy sheen. I found myself answering..-

"Yes master" I blinked my optics wide open. Why the frag did I just say that? A sob tore up through my throat, curled in my abdomen with far greater intensity than before. I heaved harshly, dry heaving now.

I hadn't been able to keep down any energon, I hid it from the others, but I knew that Ratchet would notice. Then questions, that I did not want to answer, would be spewed. I shivered and slowly pulled away from the Waste-Unit.

I sucked in air through my vents raggedly, attempting to cool my systems in vain. Steam was literally wafting from my frame, curling and rising higher.

I let out a whine and slowly crawled forward, something inside of me was begging. I wasn't sure what it was begging for; it was like it was crying out for some force. A force to protect it, control it. I stood up slowly and tried to brush it off.

That's impossible! With a soft growl I walked from my room. I tried to ignore the feeling of something in my helm. I couldn't place it; it wasn't like the nasty voice that spoke up whenever it wanted.

This... this feeling was real. It was tangible and that made it all the more frightening. I shivered and tried to ignore the dull itch until it turned into a full blown menace.

I kept trying to walk normally and keep up a neutral expression, but the feeling was prodding and pressing. It was searching. I suddenly couldn't take the feeling anymore. Turning around, and not realizing that I was right in front of the rec room, I started snarling at the invisible force.

"Why the frag won't you leave me alone! Stop it!" I stood there glaring at nothing and everything. All was suddenly silent before a heavy servo gently dropped on my shoulder. I jumped and squeaked, looking up into the face-plates of Optimus Prime.

"Autumn, are you alright? Perhaps you should seek council with Smokescreen." I suddenly realized he was suggesting that I was mentally incompetent and should seek a therapist.

"Oh okay, so now you think I'm mentally incompetent as well? Oh that's lovely!" I pulled out from under his servo, my optics bright with anger. I looked up seeing a few bots watching me with scrutinizing gazes.

"What are you all looking at?" They jumped and glanced away, all but Bluestreak whom was watching me with a worried expression. He slowly took a step forward and glanced at Optimus nervously, walking over he gently touched my wrist.

"Autumn? Come on sweet spark, let us have a talk." I suddenly set my gaze on him. My optics burning even more brightly. Snarling I suddenly smacked him. Hard.

His helm whipped to the side, but he silently moved his helm to gaze at me. Snarling I slapped the other side of his face-plates, denting, and scratching the silver metal.

Gasps could be heard, but no one moved to stop me. Smokescreen moved closer, but I just ignored him. Psychologist-interrogator be damned, if he snuck up on me I'd tear him apart. And how will you do that? You can't even get a lick on Jazz...

"Shut up!" Bluestreak jumped slightly at my unfocused look, my snarled words echoing. I clutched my helm between my servos and bent over ever so slightly, trying to block out the probing feeling and the voice.

I was terrified, I was angry. No scratch that, I was slagged off. Slagged off at everything and anything. I was practically begging someone to test my patience and say something else.

"Great, you're bonded to a glitch."

That was my snapping point. I turned on Ironhide whom had suddenly appeared and lunged. I snarled and slammed into him, his large servos grabbing my dainty forearms as if I weighed nothing and picked me up. I snarled and spat, twisting, and turning, but it did no good.

He didn't let go, instead he whirled me around and slammed my back into a wall. My wings flaring in pain, an agonized cry leaving my lip plates. Suddenly there was the sound of engines growling, someone removed Ironhide's servos from me forcefully, but it wasn't Bluestreak.

Smokescreen had positioned himself protectively in front of me. His blue armor gleaming in the light at he stared Ironhide down, Optimus and Wheeljack were holding Bluestreak back so a recurrence of my first failed training session didn't happen. Pit knows, Ratchet would tear us all a new one if we came in injured... again.

"Smokescreen, Ironhide, Bluestreak. Stand down." I heard Optimus rumble, but I couldn't take my optics off of Ironhide. I am not a glitch, I am not a glitch! It became a mantra in my helm.

I was trying to persuade myself that there was nothing wrong with me, but I knew deep down that there was. I couldn't shake it. Smokescreen shifted ever so slightly to block my view of Hide and his view from me.

"Leave my brother's mate alone." His voice was cold, chilling to the spark. I could hear an engine revving; most probably it was Ironhide's.

"Why? She started it! She's a fraggin' glitch! A pit-spawned glitch at that!" His snarled voice struck a cord deep within me. Something snapped; something that I hadn't realized had been healing. The emotional and mental scars that had mostly scabbed over were now wide open and bleeding.

I choked back a noise in the recesses of my throat, my spark burning with agony. -Suggestion: Submit... Order: Obey... crippling pain... tentacles attaching, pinning...-

I shoved past Smokescreen and took off running, the small group of mechs parting like the Red Sea before me. I sprinted down the hallways, my emotions running hay wire. Why can't I get control! Why can't I heal? What's wrong with me... I attacked him... I just proved I was insane... will they kick me out for being unstable?

I choked back the noise of pain and slid out of the main hanger. I didn't slow down but merely lunged forward and transformed in midair. As soon as my tires hit the ground the last piece of metal slid into place. I could feel the heat from the rubber as they squealed down against the ground for a moment, and then I was shooting forward.

-Suggestion: Submit... probing, stabbing, crippling pain. Searching, beating, crawling- I drove as fast as I could, trying to ignore the memories that had felt so real. I tried to block out Ironhide's voice. -A pit-spawned glitch at that! Pit-spawned glitch. Glitch.- I swerved out onto open rode and drove off to my sulking spot: the cliff.

When I arrived I transformed and sat down on the edge, dangling my legs over. Coolant was building up in my optics, dripping down my face-plates. I couldn't ignore the agony any longer. I truly was a mistake.

I was heaving for breath, pain swathing my spark. I keened lowly, my wings dipping low on my back just like the sun was just beginning to rise over the curve of the ocean.

"Hound said I'd probably find you here."

I looked up sharply to see Bluestreak standing there. The early dawn light washed across his armor, turning the silver-blue coloration a sparkling golden orange. My own turquoise armor no doubt glowing like the sparkling waters below. A deep sorrow was held in those cerulean optics, glinting and flickering like a breaking wave.

I turned away and hugged my arms to my body. A soft noise of pain leaving my chassis, a deep soothing rumble was my answer. It was a primal reply, the reply of a protector crooning to his protected.

"I'm sorry." He murmured gently in my audio receptors, his warm servos pulling me tentatively to his chassis. I clung to him, far too emotionally exhausted to ignore him any longer. I was too emotionally drained to hold out on my own. I needed him to support me.

"Let me in..." His voice gently crooned in my audio, his warm servos sliding over my lowered wing panels. Who was I to ignore? After a moments hesitation I slowly lowered my walls, my side of the bond bare for him to enter.

I felt his consciousness sweep against my own, the strain I had been feeling was suddenly gone. The pain being smoothed over by the balm of his love.

.:Stay with me?:. I murmured through the bond, my spark aching for his.

.:I would rather be no where else.:. Bluestreak's words filled me with hope, his spark generating strength and love. Suddenly I was clawing at his chassis, my optics filling with coolant again. I had to know he was there, to reestablish the strained bond. I could barely feel him.

The glowing light of the dawn sun washed over us, heating our wing panels and soothing the loneliness in our optics. His chassis split apart as he pulled me away from the edge, settling me into his lap, his protoform armor sliding back as well to show his park casing.

His casing too followed example, opening his self to me without a thought. I didn't have to ask twice, I didn't have to ask aloud, he simply opened up for me.

My optics filled with coolant as I opened my own armor and pulled his chassis to mine. I felt my casing move and suddenly our sparks were reconnecting, reestablishing a severing bond.

We had almost lost each other because of my stupidity, I could have offlined us. I felt his soothing touch, him telling me it was okay. I wailed aloud and through the bond, clinging to him through both.

I felt him do the same, our sparks merging and bringing forth the connection that I had oh so craved. To feel my lover within my spark, to feel him soothing my nightmares, to feel him healing those open wounds.

His love was the stitches to my spark, pulling me back together and fixing the damage done. I could feel his determination as he fixed upon that, brushing against my pain-soothing the ache.

I whimpered and curled closer, grinding my hips to his. He emitted a warm huff of air over my face-plates as he shifted me onto my back, our sparks still connected.

He made sure to keep my wings from getting hurt on any rocks or branches, but I could have cared less at the moment. I just wanted my mate. Slowly he pulled his chassis from my own, a soft keen pulled from my lips as our casings spun back into place.

He ran his digit gently along the seam of my pelvic armor, I hiccupped a soft keen. My plating shifting to allow him in, his warm glossa lapping at my inner thigh. Teasing my core.

I bucked my hips, asking for more. I could feel his warm breath huffing over my sensitive parts, his digits coming up to stroke me gently. I felt him shift my legs over his shoulders, the warm early morning sun framing his face-plates.

I gasped at the sight, it was beautiful. He smiled and gently kissed my hip armor, kissed my abdomen, caressing my waist and thighs with touches filled with love and not lust.

He was indulging my need for physical contact as well as mental and emotional, he knew that I needed him and so he provided. Primus.. .how did I get such a good mate? I could feel his love for me through the bond swell.

.:You're beautiful and wonderful. The most exquisite creature I've ever seen.:. I felt my face-plates burn, and it wasn't from the sun light. Suddenly he dipped his helm down and gently drug his glossa along my port, among the sensitive neural nets of my inner thighs.

I cried out, grabbing his helm. My legs curling against his shoulders as he continued his administrations. Pleasure building and rippling as he drove me to overload. I bucked my hips, vision, and audios fading into static. After a moment I felt him move my legs from off of his shoulders. My armor shifting back over my port after he cleaned me up-much to my chagrin-with a tenderness that surprised me.

I gasped for cool air, vents ragged as he pulled me up against him. Our bond renewed and strong with feelings of love and adoration. I relaxed against him, content at having him shower me with affection. I had missed this, him loving on me and showing me how much he cared. I picked up on the subtle purring noise echoing from his chassis. Smiling, I cuddled up to him further.

.:I've missed this... Thank-you for coming to find me my love.:. I said through the bond, spark swollen with joy.

.:I would go the ends of the Earth, of the galaxies for you Autumn.:. I shivered, hearing the dark promise of retribution to any whom harmed me under toning his words. It was flattering and fear inducing at the same time.

.:Still... thank-you for dealing with my moodiness.:. I said earnestly, amusement echoing from him to me.

.:-laughs- I love you and accept you for who you are. Your moodiness is within that range of acceptance unless I was mistaken.:.

.:-giggles- mhmm... Nice save.:. I found myself drifting off, my body relaxing against his. A soft chuckle, a deep purring engine, and warm servos running along my spinal platings, were my last conscious memories of him before I passed into a dreamless recharge.

.:I love you:. His words echoed, drifting through the sea of darkness that tugged me under. Holding me, caressing me, loving me.

.:I love you too.:.