She smiled happily as she chatted with the children, making good on her promise to phone them as soon as she arrived to her hotel. She could hardly get a word in through all the chatter and fussing about, but her heart leapt with joy all the same. They told her about school, about the new songs they learned, the books they had been reading. She couldn't hear enough about their lives, and she yearned to be in the same room with them at that very moment. She simply could not wait to see them all.
She had shared many letters with them, spoken to them all as a whole and individually over the phone many times, but she hadn't seen them in person since her wedding. While a couple of months didn't sound like a long time in theory, it felt like years. She couldn't wait to run to them and wrap them in hugs, to see their beautiful faces in person. She wondered if they looked any older. How much did a child grow in two months?
"You're still on the phone? We'll be late." Her husband whispered harshly as he entered their bedroom, fully dressed and ready to go to a business dinner.
"Oh, I'm sorry children, I have to go. I'm making us late for dinner. I'll see you soon okay?" She waited, and he watched as they were clearly whining and saying their goodbyes on the other end of the line. "Yes, I love you all so much. Okay, goodbye. I love you!"
"You'd think you gave birth to them with the way you all fawn over each other." She rushed to dress for dinner, rolling her eyes at his attitude. He was a very punctual man, early to everything in fact, so she was not at all surprised by his tone with her. She knew her own tardiness in life was something that made him incredibly tense, and she did need to work on it. She had gotten so much better though, she swore it!
"I'm sorry, I know you're frustrated. I'm just so excited to get to see them." She fixed her hair quickly before rushing to step into her shoes as he checked his watch once more.
"If we have time, of course." She clipped on her earrings, unable to hide her smile of excitement.
"Oh, I'll make sure we have time." She beamed, standing before him with pride in her eyes that it had only taken her mere minutes to get ready. He didn't necessarily seem impressed, but he gave her a quick, tight smile as he took her arm and led her to the door.
"I've never heard you say that word. I didn't think you could." She thought back to their conversation as he placed her wrap over her shoulders, but she was puzzled.
"Which word, darling?"
"Love." She frowned, shaking her head in disbelief. Certainly she had said it to him before, hadn't she?
"Don't be silly, of course you have." She laughed, allowing him to lead her down the hall toward the elevator.
"I assure you, that was the first time I've heard it from your lips."
"It's not exactly an easy word for me to say, but I know I..."
"It seemed very easy for you to say to seven children you only knew for a summer." She met his eyes as they stood in front of the elevator, feeling embarrassed and regretful. It made her feel foolish to think that he very well may have been correct. She couldn't remember a time when she had told him she loved him. She was afraid it would be revealed that perhaps she wasn't necessarily certain of the fact, which filled her with fear. Love between and man and a woman was something she had never really allowed herself to understand, not in the way he was needing her to. She opened her mouth to speak, attempting to affirm that she did love him, but the words simply wouldn't leave her mouth.
"Otto, I…you know how I feel about you." He snorted, rolling his eyes.
"Yes, it seems I do."
"Stop this nonsense, I wouldn't have married a man I didn't love." She wasn't sure which of them she was trying to convince, and her heart beat anxiously inside her chest. It was the first time he had ever challenged her in that way, and she felt a bit trapped by it all. He sighed, the elevator doors opening in front of them to reveal many other hotel guests on their way to dinner as well.
"Let's just drop it." She nodded slowly as he led her onto the elevator, the door closing coldly upon their conversation.
xxxxx
He couldn't believe his eyes. He blinked several times to be certain it wasn't all a figment of his imagination, but it was true. There she was, right in front of him for the first time in months. He hadn't expected to see her so suddenly, so soon upon his arrival, and he was taken aback. He thought he'd have a bit more time to prepare himself. Sitting at the end of the hotel bar, the dim lights made her skin glow beautifully. She was a complete ray of perfection. In that moment, they were the only two people in the world, his eyes transfixed upon her face. She had never looked so lovely, no matter how many times he had decided she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
She looked sad though, he noted. Her head was bowed a bit, and she was fiddling with a napkin between her hands. She was clearly deep in thought, not at all paying attention to the world around her. He smiled a bit, glad that some things never changed. He moved closer, his feet feeling as if he were wading through cement to get to her. It took ages to be by her side, and once he finally made it, his heart leapt with joy at merely being in her presence again after so long. Seeing her up close nearly took his breath away, and he allowed himself just a moment to take in her features before he cleared his throat.
Startled, she looked up from the napkin she was desecrating between her hands, and her heart nearly stopped at the sight. He was standing so close, she could smell his cologne the moment the air shifted between them, and her knees would have easily given out had she been standing. She nearly gasped aloud, knowing she would see him at some point, but never expecting it would be so soon. He smiled softly, and she returned the gesture in equal measure. She had never imagined how thrilled she would be to see him again.
"Good evening, Captain." Her smile brightened, and even though she was overwhelmed with the urge to stand and wrap her arms tightly around him, she simply held out her hand to him in greeting, as would be proper.
"Good evening, Baroness." She laughed, and he took her hand in his. A spark of electricity passed between their hands, skin upon skin for the first time, they each realized simultaneously. While they had danced once before, entertwined their arms and bodies, they had never once touched without the barrier of a gloved hand. Their eyes locked for a moment too long, hands clasped tightly as time suspended. In that moment she was his governess again, and he was the ever-tempting Captain. She was the first to break the spell, shaking her head and removing her hand from his grasp.
"It certainly sounds funny to be called that by you." He smiled, feeling the same way. It was as if the title made her a completely different person altogether, and yet, she was exactly the same as she had always been.
"Yes, it seems as if you were a Fraulein only yesterday. But it does suit you well." She returned his smile, somehow feeling the exact same, though she wasn't sure she agreed about it suiting her well. She often felt she was playing dress up in her mother's clothes. "The children tell me your husband is here on business?"
"Oh yes, for a couple of weeks. Please, join me." She motioned to the barstool next to her, and he looked around for a moment.
"I don't want to intrude."
"Oh, not at all. My husband is having drinks with his business partners elsewhere, and I would love the company." He couldn't resist her smile, unable to sit down fast enough to secure his place beside her. She felt giddy with nerves, unsure exactly how familiar they were supposed to act…how familiar they really were anyway, as they had never once breeched the topic of their feelings toward one another. It wasn't often they had ever shared time alone without the children around, after all.
"And you're drinking alone. They didn't invite you?" She laughed, shaking her head.
"They did, but I prefer not to be a part of their antics."
"You're not even drinking anyway. Is that only cranberry juice?" She laughed, nodding her affirmation as she blushed a bit in embarrassment. He laughed as well, getting the bartender's attention to order his own drink.
"I had a glass of wine with dinner, that seemed sufficient for one night." In reality she knew her husband would likely overdo it, and she would need to have her wits about her to take care of him later. "I didn't expect I would see you here."
"Oh yes, I'm staying in town for a couple of days on business myself." She looked at him curiously, and he could tell she wasn't buying his reasoning in the slightest.
"What kind of business does a retired sea captain have that would require a stay in Salzburg, one wonders." She had always been outspoken, but the way she spoke surprised him. Even living in Vienna for such a short time, she had very clearly gained a certain confidence in her words that she did not have before.
She smiled to herself as he mumbled something about his attorneys and such, it didn't really matter. It was clear that he was there to see her, and nothing business related would occur during his stay. She would have never admitted it to anyone, could barely admit it to herself, but part of her had hoped that by writing to the children and disclosing the hotel she would be staying at, that perhaps he would find a reason to be in the area. It was a terrible thing to think, she knew, as she should have wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Even so, she was a married woman. Spending any time with a man without her husband in attendance was quite improper, she knew.
Propriety unceremoniously shoved aside, they continued to speak for quite a long time. He filled her in on the children, any new interests and how they were doing in school, Louisa's new boyfriend, which caused her to laugh when he cringed. It occurred to her as they continued on with their night that they had rarely ever had much time alone together to truly talk, and she was not disappointed by how easy and smooth it felt. For someone as generally intimidating as he was to others, she felt anything but intimidated. In fact, she found herself leaning closer to him as the night progressed and the crowd became a bit louder around them. She found his presence warm and safe, inviting in a way that scared her quite a bit.
"So, how do you like Vienna?" She shrugged, watching as he took another drink of his brandy. She tried not to make comparisons between him and her husband, but it was impossible not to note how he paced himself and wasn't becoming inebriated for the sport of it. In fact, he was very sophisticated about it all.
"It's pleasant." She took a drink of her cranberry juice, raising her eyebrows as he laughed aloud. "What?"
"That bad?" She shook her head, laughing as well. How on earth did he have the ability to make her laugh like that? Nothing at all was really that funny, of course.
"No, it really is lovely. Our home is very nice, and I feel incredibly blessed."
"Spoken the way a true baroness is trained to speak." He raised his glass to her before taking another drink, and she merely rolled her eyes.
"It isn't Salzburg, that's all. It's a very busy scene."
"Very much so. I do hope you've at least been to the ballet and the opera by now."
"Oh yes! I went to my first ballet a few weeks ago, and it could not have been more magnificent." He watched her eyes light up with excitement, and he couldn't stop a bright smile from expanding across his face. He took her hand in his between them upon the bar top, and she allowed it, against her better judgement she was certain.
"Good. I'm glad you're doing things that you enjoy." She felt her stomach tingle as his thumb slid across her knuckles, and she was taken aback by how the smallest touch was making her feel. He certainly had an incredible power over her; time had changed absolutely nothing. His eyebrows raised as he was able to observe her wedding ring up close for the first time. "This is quite a ring."
"Oh…yes, thank you." She smiled, having to agree. She had never even been near a piece of jewelry quite like it before her marriage, let alone worn one.
"Does he know you don't like it?" She pulled her hand away, scoffing.
"It's a beautiful ring. What's there not to like about it?"
"It isn't you." She frowned, feeling her guard attempting to go up as he breached a topic that was a little too real for her liking.
"Really? And what, may I ask, should I be wearing instead?" He nearly responded by suggesting that his own ring should be on her finger, but he stopped himself quickly.
"Something more practical. A gold band, perhaps decorated a bit with a few diamonds, but nothing that would get caught on things when you try to use your hands or be outdoors." She was afraid to agree. The ring he described was in fact far more her style than the one she wore.
"Perhaps I've changed."
"Perhaps you haven't." She met his eyes as he took a drink of his brandy, and he gave her an eyebrow raise, asking her to challenge him. He was always right about everything, of course. She took a moment, as well as another drink, and sighed before changing the subject in his direction.
"So, how is Baroness Schraeder?" His smile fell a bit, as he sensed she was trying to remind him of his own obligation; an obligation that thankfully didn't exist anymore. Or perhaps she was reminding him of his own mistakes when it came to her, he couldn't quite decide her intentions.
"I suppose she's well. We haven't spoken since we broke off our engagement."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
"Are you?" Her eyebrows raised, surprised by his tone.
"Yes, of course."
"I imagine you see her around Vienna. I'm doubtful you didn't know we had parted ways before now." She nodded, feeling remorseful for being so petty. Of course she knew, she had spoken to Elsa on numerous occasions since, and she was thriving. They had actually been quite friendly with one another, to her own surprise.
"Yes. Perhaps I wanted to hear your perspective." She shrugged, knowing the things she really wanted to hear, but was afraid to ask directly.
"Maria…may I call you by name?" She laughed, wondering when he had ever thought he needed her permission for anything. He could have called her by name so many times before, but he had insisted upon maintaining formality.
"Yes, I'd say we know one another well enough." He smiled, laughing a bit as well. He was glad she said that, glad to know she felt they had the same connection he felt. He took her hand in his again, and she smiled. His hand felt warm against her skin, gentle and not at all gruff like she would have expected.
"I came to your wedding, you know." She was surprised, heart pounding much like his own at the revelation.
"I didn't know that."
"Yes. Mother Abbess sent me away."
"She didn't." She was shocked, wondering what on earth had gotten into the woman.
"Don't worry, she had good reason. I was there to stop you."
"What? You were there to ruin my wedding? I don't think I blame her for turning you away." She laughed a bit, trying to make the topic feel lighter, even though they both knew they were getting to the core of the feeling that was radiating between them. It was a feeling they had needed to discuss for a very long time, even though it was most definitely too late.
"I realized I had made a mistake." She didn't retract her hand as he had expected. Instead, she held tighter, her face becoming a bit pale at his revelation. She looked to their hands, staring at their connection as she gathered her thoughts.
"What good does it do us to talk about this now?"
"It will clear the air between us, at least."
"Or only make things worse." He stared at her for a moment before she finally looked up and met his eyes. He found a seriousness behind them that startled him. It seemed she had her own confession to make. "I left the abbey for you."
"What do you mean?"
"After I left your home, I spent a week or so sorting out my mind, and then I left the abbey to return to you. I…I saw your engagement announcement in the newspaper while I was waiting for the bus." They remained silent for a moment, knowing it would do them no good to open their feelings in the fullest, but each screaming on the inside for time to rewind. If only they knew back then what they knew in that moment.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm the one who should apologize. I ran away without a word. I was quite a coward about it all, in fact." He shook his head, never once even thinking about releasing the tight grip he held upon her hand.
"No, you were only confused. After we danced…we both were. I'm sorry for not being able to control myself that night." She smiled at the memory, shaking her head.
"That dance was one of the best moments in my entire life, Georg." He had never heard his name fall from her lips, and he desperately wanted to hear it over and over again. They shared a smile, the spark between them flickering madly. She looked over to the clock upon the wall, finding it to be incredibly late. They had talked for many hours, and it seemed time no longer existed. Her husband would return to their room soon enough, and she would have preferred not having to explain her absence to him.
"Would you dance with me again? Before you have to go." She met his eyes, finding that he understood her thoughts completely, and she was a bit unarmed by it. It felt as though he could read her mind.
"He wouldn't like it." He smiled, nodding in acceptance as he began to pull his hand away. He had been too forward with her already, he knew. She grasped his hand tightly, and he looked to her in confusion. "But I would. Very much."
"I'm not here to compromise your marriage in any way."
"I know you're not. I'm not here for that either."
"Of course." They looked deeply into one another's eyes, knowing that the evening they were sharing together was special. So many feelings had passed between them without there ever being a need to share the words. They also knew it would all soon be over. For both of their sakes, it needed to be.
"One last dance." He couldn't stop the smile from gracing his lips as she stood from her chair, never letting go of his hand and she led him toward the dance floor. There were several other couples dancing already, each in various stages of their relationships. She knew for a fact no one would think a thing about them being there together, and it felt so right and so wrong at the same time.
His hands grasped her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She wanted him to kiss her the moment they made contact, his hands warm through the fabric of her dress. He was a gentleman, of course, so she knew he wouldn't. She could honestly say she wasn't so certain about what kind of woman she was in that moment. It made her feel disgusted with herself, but she wanted nothing more than to press her lips against his, to feel his body flush with her own, to feel his skin against hers. She imagined his heavy breathing in her ear, the sounds he would make if she took him between her legs. She wondered if he would whisper her name at the height of his pleasure.
"You're blushing, Baroness." She laughed, feeling her body flush even more at the realization. She was no longer confused by her feelings toward him, and part of her wished she were. She was much safer when she had no idea what was happening between them.
"A trait that it seems will never go away, I'm afraid." He laughed as well, swaying her around the dance floor with ease.
"It's quite endearing. You're a very charming woman, you know." She smiled, somehow finding the small compliment on her personality much more pleasing than her husband's constant admiration of her physical beauty.
"You're quite charming yourself, Captain."
"Oh it's 'Captain' again, is it?" She laughed, shaking her head as he continued to float her about the dance floor.
"No, I like using our names. It feels like we're equals."
"As annoying as I found it at first, we have always been equals, no matter the circumstances." She smiled, shaking her head.
"Now others can think it too, then."
"The opinions of others have never mattered to me anyway." They shared a smile, hearts pounding wildly against one another as their bodies pressed close together. "I am sorry for the way I behaved, Maria. I should have…"
"No, don't. There's nothing we can do to change the past. It was God's will, after all." He smiled, thankful that she wasn't carrying anger toward him. Had he any idea that he'd had a chance with her at all, he would have kissed her the night of his party and never let her go.
He pulled her just a bit closer, if it were possible, and she felt her stomach jolt with desire. His hands were incredibly warm through the thin fabric of her dress, and her skin begged to be revealed for his touch. She allowed her fingers to caress the nape of his neck, touching the softness of his hairline, and his eyes bore deeply into hers at the intimacy of the gesture. It took all of his self-control not to simply press her against a nearby wall and devour her in that moment. She was a dangerous enough temptation for him when she had no idea what she was doing. He was certain she knew much more than she used to on the subject, which meant her movements were very much intentional.
They continued to dance, sharing silent, charged little touches until the music came to an end. Neither tried to pull away. In fact, she felt her stomach tremble as they leaned closer to one another in unison, lips begging to connect. Her heart raced with the excitement that they would finally share the kiss they had each been imagining for so long. For one brief moment, they were the only two people in the entire world.
Suddenly, she shook her head, knowing she had gotten carried away. She felt incredibly ashamed of herself.
"I've enjoyed this time with you." His words were soft, nearly a whisper as he became more aware of his own impropriety. She sighed, gently removing her body from his grasp.
"I've had a wonderful time tonight too. But now I really must go."
"Perhaps I'll be in the same place at the same time tomorrow." She nodded, knowing she was in too dangerous of a position to make a promise one way or another. In truth, she would have easily gone back to his room with him in that moment, and she was terrified by her own thoughts.
"Goodnight, Georg."