Rude Ruby

...

It was supposed to be a simple trip to Mountain Glenn. Get the bombs prepare, ship them all down a tunnel and blow the hell out of it. That would let some Grimm to sneak into Vale and wreck havoc, but that wasn't his problem from then on. Nothing about the mission was hard at all.

Roman hadn't heard from Cinder for quite a bit, but a plan was a plan. With no news from her end, especially since he had been holed up in this dump for quite a bit, all he could do was keep working.

He had been minding his own business doing the usual- minding his own business. Seriously, that was all he did. What else was he supposed to do in a desolate underground tunnel devoid of any people? It didn't help that the animals around him weren't the most efficient of workers, but better them than him if they were here to lug around bombs unceremoniously.

Then he heard gunfire right outside one of the cargos he'd been inspecting. Rolling his eyes, Torchwick walked out with cane in hand, ready to blast whatever animal had screwed up.

It didn't take him long to realize that some of the White Fang thugs were knocked down, some of them mangled quite terribly. Raising a curious eyebrow, he stared at a rather familiar figure in a red cloak.

Well, well, what do we have here?

Fate seemed to make things far from simple for him.

As he walked forward, a smug smile washed over his once unamused face. "My, oh my," he repeated his thoughts. "What do we have here?"

The tip of his hat just barely revealed Ruby Rose glaring back at him. She looked absolutely terrible... though, for some reason, he had a feeling it wasn't because of the thugs she just brutally beat down with her weapon.

"Little red-"

"TORCHWICK."

The man in question jumped at her brash voice as she roared, "THERE YOU ARE!"

..Huh?

Oh, she looked absolutely livid, but not in a satisfying way. No, she looked absolutely pissed, and he was sure he quite literally did nothing to her after that one unfortunate meeting in Vale.

...Right, maybe he met her more than once at this point. But still.

Kicking the unconscious body of an unlucky White Fang soldier, she knocked it out of her way as she seethed, "I fucking knew it had to be you. Clockwork Orange-ass-looking bitch!"

"Whoa, whoa, now hold on a second!" Torchwick raised a hand as he backed away, keeping note of how she moved forward regardless. "I dunno what's keeping you so grizzly, but fighting right here's dangerous, don't you think? It could get, er... a little explosive, if you catch my drift."

"I was wondering where the fuck you were," Ruby growled, not listening to a single word he said to her. "Of all times, you had to interrupt my fucking nap with your goons being inconspicuously louder than a prostitute! And then YOU show up like you're Dr. Manhattan or some blue-balled bullshit!"

Okay. Now he was just confused.

"You're not right in the head, are you, Red?"

"Oh HELL I'm not right in the head! This was the one time I got to not deal with other people's shit and sleep in peace, and you had to go ruin everything. I think I'll feel better when your head is rolling on the ground!"

Roman silently cursed. He told the filthy animals to stay covert- what on Remnant were they doing right out in the open? Let alone trying to fight this... weirdo?

"Answer me this, Roman," Ruby seethed, clutching her scythe as Roman twitched in response. "How good are you fighting? Are you a pussy or do you actually have one? What's your broke-ass face gonna look like when you DIE?!"

Screeching incoherently, Ruby leapt forward, her eyes deranged with pure fury as she spun wildly, leaving a trail of roses scattering behind her. Roman's eyes widened as he moved just in time.

As he leaned away, he saw the cigarette in his mouth get sliced in half, tobacco and ashes scattering as it fell out of his mouth. Crashing into one of the containers in the tunnel, Ruby furiously turned back at him, her teeth gritting to the point of showing her gums a bit.

He took everything back about her. This girl was absolutely nuts and wanted him dead.

"Start the damn train!" Roman screamed as soon as he saw several White Fang soldiers emerge from the train, no doubt confused and frightened at the sight of an unfamiliar figure. "I don't care if it's not finished- do it, or we're all be finished!"

Much to his dismay, however, Ruby didn't know how to quit. And considering how pissed she was, he realized how slim his chances were at surviving if she genuinely intended on cutting him apart.

Before he could see her move, he felt her feet crash straight into his stomach as she knocked the wind out of him instantly. His body flew and crashed against a heavy crate, his body feeling like it could snap at any moment as his Aura instantly went red. He didn't even have the chance to fully prepare himself when he saw a blur fly past him.

Something suddenly strangled his throat as he heard the little girl scream incoherently. Her elbow pulled back against his throat, also bending his back as a result of her short height. The air in his lungs grew smaller and smaller as he saw the very world steadily grow black.

Oh Gods, was he going to die like this?!

Not like this!

Not like... this...!

"RUBY!"

Her grip loosened just a bit as he felt air rush into his lungs. The world spun around him as he saw four other figures, and some tiny black speck following them, as they stopped in front of both him and Ruby. They were the ones who busted his Paladin back at the streets.

"Oh my lord, this is just getting worse and worse!" The white-haired girl shouted. She definitely looked like a Schnee. "Ruby, let him go this instant!"

"Fuck you, Rice Queen!"

"Ruby, for crying out loud, is it that hard to just let go of him?!" The dark-haired girl jumped in as well. "His face is blue!"

"I'll make sure his balls are too!"

Before he could leave the world, however, a huge spark of Fire Dust blasted straight towards him. He felt the heat seer past his cheek... before it hit Ruby directly against her face. Letting go of Roman, the red rose stumbled before tripping, clutching her face out of annoyance more than anything.

"God fucking dammit, Yang!" She screeched. "I almost had him!"

"Grab her! Quick!" The blonde girl shouted.

He fell with both hands against the stone beneath him. Roman took deep breaths, barely able to control his breathing. She nearly killed him. Wow. He almost died.

As the Schnee and the blonde girl apprehended Ruby, the dark-haired one with the bow on her head approached him, almost touching him as if to comfort him. Her name was Blake. Funny, considering that she held him hostage by the docks in Vale quite a while ago. Irony had it that she would be the one to almost sympathize with him.

"W-What the hell was that...?" He whispered.

"It's a terrible and long story," the girl answered morosely.

"No, seriously, isn't she like... your damn team leader or something?! What the HELL was that?!"

Blake patted his back, shaking her head. No words could describe what he just experienced. He'd met psychopaths, and he'd met criminals- but never had he met someone solely dedicated towards trying to destroy him just to feel better about missing out some sleep.

"Torchwick," Blake spoke in a comforting tone, "I recommend just going to jail. You won't have to meet her again there."

"..."

Just a few minutes ago, he would've laughed at the very statement. Roman looked up, watching the red girl try to headbutt the Schnee as if she were in a drunken rage. When she failed, she continued screaming as she tried to headbutt the blonde girl instead. And if he remembered correctly, those two were supposed to be sisters.

He could have Neo bail him out of prison if he wanted, but...

"Piss off! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

...

Yeah, fuck this.

"I give up."