A/N: ***Trigger warning: this chapter contains self harm and violence***
Chapter 19
An old station wagon pulled up to the curb in front of Emma's apartment a week later, a little while after sunset. Mary Margaret jumped out and opened the hatchback before rushing over to Emma who was standing on the curb awaiting her arrival, her head hanging low from shame. The moment she was close enough, she pulled Emma into a tight hug, feeling her daughter's body shake as she sobbed slightly into her mother's shoulder.
"What happened, sweetie?" Mary Margaret asked, rubbing Emma's back lightly, the way she used to when she was a young child.
"I don't want to talk about it right now," Emma said, wiping her tears away from her face before they stained Mary Margaret's shirt.
"Okay. Let's get these bags in the car," Mary Margaret said, sensing Emma's hesitation. She grabbed a bag and carried it to the trunk, followed by Emma carrying the rest. Emma slammed the trunk closed and rushed to the passenger's seat, clearly eager to get going.
"Is Regina on her way down?" Mary Margaret said, peeking her head into the car.
"Regina isn't coming…" Emma said sadly, fresh tears rushing down her face.
"Emma, what happened?" Mary Margerat said, climbing into the car.
"I don't want to talk about it," Emma said, smearing blood tears over her face with the back of her hand.
"Emma…" Mary Margert said, placing her hand on Emma's knee for support.
"I'll tell you. I promise. I just…not right now, okay?" Emma said, looking over at her mother with tears in her eyes.
"Of course," Mary Margaret said, closing the door and starting the engine. A moment later, Mary Margaret pulled away from the curb and into the busy New York City traffic, heading out of the city. Emma was silent the entire ride, speaking only when Mary Margaret offered her a mug of blood for the day.
Three hours later, they pulled up to a remote house deep in the middle of the Sundown Wild forest, right outside the town of Denning in Upstate New York.
"Where are we?" Emma asked as she looked up at the huge house in the middle of nowhere.
"This belongs to David. He comes here every decade or so to get away. I think older Vampires often have a place in seclusion to escape from people," Mary Margaret explained.
"Yeah. Regina had a place like that as well," Emma explained as she grabbed their things from the trunk while Mary Margaret unlocked the door. She didn't question her daughter about where Regina was, nor the fact that she said "Regina HAD a place" not "Regina HAS a place".
"Why don't we put our stuff down in one of the bedrooms upstairs," Mary Margaret said, grabbing her suitcase from Emma, indicating for her to follow her. Emma nodded and followed Mary Margaret upstairs, claiming the bedroom next to the master bedroom.
She didn't bother to unpack. She just sat on the bed and scanned her new surroundings. She had called Mary Margaret and asked her for help in her darkest moment. She asked her to come pick her up and take her somewhere remote. She didn't care where they went as long as it was far away from people, where she could begin her journey of healing all over again. Suddenly, the weight of the past ten years came crashing down on her, and she collapsed onto the bed and curled into a ball, sobbing uncontrollably.
Mary Margaret knocked lightly on the door, checking on Emma after she disappeared into the bedroom for a while. She slowly cracked the door open and peered inside the room, finding Emma curled up on the bed, her body shaking as she cried, her tears staining her shirt. She rushed over and gently cradled her daughter in her arms, holding her tightly.
"What happened?" Mary Margaret whispered. "Where's Regina?" Emma's cries stilled slowly until she took a deep breath, preparing to finally tell her mother everything.
"Regina…" Emma started to say, her words getting caught in her throat. "Regina is…dead…" she said, forcing the words out, instantly bursting into tears once again.
"Oh god…Emma…I'm…I'm so sorry," Mary Margaret said, not knowing what else to say. "When?" she asked finally after she controlled her own emotions.
"Ten…ten years ago…She died ten years ago…" Emma cried.
"What happened?" Emma's body stiffened in her mother's arms while she prepared to explain the circumstances behind Regina's death.
"We ran from Boston, which was the last time I saw you," Emma said, starting the story.
"Yes, I remember. The Agency was looking for you," Mary Margaret said, recalling the last time she spoke to her daughter after finding her again.
"We ran to Regina's cabin deep in the woods of Maine. We didn't think anyone would be able to find us there. We lived there for a few months, living off animal blood, making friends with the local shapeshifting Wolves. We were living a quiet but happy existence deep in the woods away from anyone. We thought we were safe," Emma explained, more tears welling in her eyes.
"They found you?" Mary Margaret asked. Emma nodded.
"One night, we were laying on the roof of our cabin, just looking at the stars, when we heard a gunshot nearby. It turned out a hunter named Cassidy had followed us to Maine and found out where we were. He let us believe we were safe for a few months to lull us into a false sense of security. He was tracking me down for the ransom." Emma sniffled, pausing to compose herself. "He tried to kill me with a crossbow bolt, but at the last minute, our Wolf friends arrived to protect us, causing the bolt to be knocked off course when it left the crossbow. It would have missed my heart, but would have hit me in the stomach if…if…Regina hadn't…" Emma stopped, more tears falling down her face.
"Regina stepped in front of you and was hit with the bolt instead of you, didn't she?" Mary Margaret asked, sensing Emma was having trouble finishing her sentence.
"Yes…" she whispered, "How did you know?"
"Because I would have done the exact same thing for David. And I'm sure you would have done the same for Regina," Mary Margaret answered. Emma nodded once again, agreeing.
"I killed him immediately for what he had done. What stung even more was, I had once considered him a friend, and in the end, I was only a paycheck for him," Emma said, turning the conversation away from Regina for a moment.
"It always hurts when a friend betrays you," Mary Margaret said, knowing Emma was deflecting, waiting for her to continue telling her about Regina's death.
"Regina should have been fine. A crossbow bolt to the stomach shouldn't have been fatal. She should have healed as soon as she pulled the bolt out." Emma said, more tears welling in her eyes as she prepared for the rest of the story. "But what we didn't know was, the bolt was dipped in nightshade, the only poison that can affect Vampires."
"I've heard of it," Mary Margaret said, her voice catching in her throat as well.
"She died a month later," Emma said, fresh tears streaming down her face as she remembered her final days with her Mate. "She was in so much pain, Mom. Every day it was a little worse. Every day the infection spread and she got weaker and weaker and the pain got stronger and stronger. I would give her my blood and it helped with the pain, but on her last night she couldn't keep any blood down.
"I tried so hard to make her last night special. We shared a bubble bath and laid outside and looked up at the stars, two of Regina's favorite things to do. She died in my arms a few hours later," Emma cried. "I told her that I loved her and whispered sweet things to her as she passed. And then her body turned to ash and she was gone." Emma wept uncontrollably, causing the bed to shake as she relived the final part of the story. Mary Margaret only held her tighter, her own tears falling down her cheeks. "She was so scared at the end, Mom. She was so scared and begged me not to leave her alone. She was so scared that she would die alone. She was so scared."
"But you were there for her. You never left her side. You were there for her until the very end. And she knew that," Mary Margaret said.
"I know…" Emma whispered. "I tried to live in our cabin without her. I tried for a few months, but I just couldn't. I tried to kill myself, Mom. I tried to kill myself three times because I couldn't live without her." Mary Margaret tensed when she heard the news that her daughter wanted to die.
"Why didn't you call me? I would have come to help you. You shouldn't have done it alone," Mary Margaret said eventually.
"I wasn't completely alone. Our Wolf friends took care of me when they could. But there was nothing you could have done, honestly. Nothing anyone could have done." Emma shifted in her mother's arms. "I didn't succeed, obviously. I don't know why, but no matter what I did, I just couldn't die. My final attempt caused our cabin to burn to the ground. I left and went deeper into the forest of Maine, where I spent the next five years in complete isolation." Emma paused for a moment to gain control again before continuing her story.
"After I left Maine, I walked to New York and tried to restart my life. I was doing really well. I had a job as a bartender. I had a nice little apartment, and I even had a small group of friends that I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Things were starting to look up. Until…" Emma said, her mood shifting suddenly once again.
"What happened?" Mary Margaret asked after Emma went quiet for a few moments.
"I slept with someone, Mom. I slept with another woman and cheated on Regina," Emma cried.
"Oh, Emma," Mary Margaret said, holding her daughter tighter. "You didn't cheat on Regina."
"Yes, I did. Of course I did. I made Regina a promise when we became Mates. I promised her that she would be my one and only for the rest of eternity. And I broke that promise," Emma cried.
"Emma, honey, Regina is gone," Mary Margaret said, feeling Emma's body stiffen in her arms. "You can't cheat on someone who isn't alive anymore."
"You're not helping, MOM!" Emma yelled into Mary Margaret's shoulder.
"I'm just trying to explain why you shouldn't feel bad for sleeping with someone else."
"Would YOU sleep with someone else if David died?" Emma asked angrily.
"I…well…I…" Mary Margaret stuttered, trying to figure out the right thing to say, sighing deeply. "You're right. I wouldn't be with anyone if David were to pass."
"My point exactly," Emma said.
"But you still shouldn't feel bad for your actions. I didn't know Regina very well, but I do know one thing for certain. She wouldn't want you to feel this way. She would want you to live your life, and to move on."
"I can't…" Emma whispered, falling silent in her mother's arms. They cried together for a few more minutes until Emma eventually calmed down and her tears ceased flowing.
"There's still a few hours before sunrise. Do you want to head downstairs and watch some TV before we go to bed? Might help to take your mind off of everything," Mary Margaret suggested as Emma pulled herself away from her mother. Emma's face was completely streaked red from her smeared tears, and her shirt was stained beyond repair.
"Yeah, that sounds nice," Emma said.
"Good. Let's get you cleaned up first. Change your shirt. I'll try to get the blood out tomorrow night," Mary Margaret said as she stood up from the bed and left the room to retrieve a wet cloth to clean Emma's face. She stopped short when she walked back into the room, the sight of Emma's left arm and stomach visible for the first time since they got into the car in New York. "Emma! Your arm! Your stomach! What happened?"
"I…I did this right after I cheated on Regina. I needed a reminder of what I did," Emma explained, pulling on a new shirt. "My arm. I do that every year on the anniversary of Regina's death as a reminder of her and how long she's been gone. I need to feel the same pain she felt when she died."
"Emma. You can't keep doing that to yourself," Mary Margaret said, softly wiping the dried blood off her face.
"I won't stop doing it. I need to keep feeling her pain," Emma said, fresh tears welling in her eyes. "I need to remember her." Tears cascaded down her cheeks, staining the skin her mother had just cleaned. Mary Margaret simply nodded, not knowing what else to say to her daughter. She hated that she was in so much pain but didn't know how to help her.
They spent the remainder of the night downstairs watching late night television, retreating to bed just before sunrise. Mary Margaret laid in bed and listened to her daughter cry herself to sleep in the room next door, still unsure how to help her.
Mary Margaret stayed with Emma for the next six weeks, comforting her grieving daughter and taking care of her, making sure she ate regularly and got out of bed every night. They used their time together in the secluded house to catch up with each other, learning who they were now that Emma was an adult and a Vampire for the last ten years. But eventually Mary Margaret needed to return to Boston and to David.
"Are you sure you don't want to come back to Boston with me?" Mary Margaret asked as she packed her bag in the trunk of her car.
"Yeah. It's still not safe for me there. I know ten years seems like a long time, but I can't take that chance," Emma explained.
"Okay. Please take care of yourself, Emma. Make sure you eat everyday and get out of bed. It's not good to shut yourself out like that," Mary Margaret said.
"Yeah. I will," Emma said, hesitation in her voice. They both knew Emma wouldn't keep that promise. They both knew she would fall into a deep depression as soon as Mary Margaret left.
"Please call me if you need anything," Mary Margaret said, gripping Emma's shoulders, forcing her to look at her in the eyes.
"I will," Emma said sincerely.
"Thank you," Mary Margaret said, kissing Emma on the cheek. "I'll be back in a few months to see how you're doing. Take care of yourself, Emma."
"I will. Thanks again…for everything," Emma said shyly. "I'll see you soon." She hugged her mother once more before she climbed into the car. Emma watched as she drove away until the taillights of her car disappeared into the forest.
As soon as Mary Margaret left, Emma locked herself in the house and went directly to bed, pulling her light covers over her head, trying to escape the real world. The exact opposite of what she promised her mother she would do. She was still in so much pain. She missed Regina so much it physically hurt. And it wasn't getting any better.
Mary Margaret returned for a few days every couple of months to check on her daughter, disappointed each time she found Emma in bed, her body always looking too thin, a clear indication that Emma wasn't eating regularly. Each time she was there, she forced Emma out of bed and forced her to eat as much as her weak stomach could handle. But she knew Emma would return to her old ways every time she left, which only caused her to worry more about her daughter's safety. And in all the time Emma was staying in David's cabin, she never asked anything from Mary Margaret, except one thing. To be with her on the worst night of the year.
"Do you want me to sleep in here with you today, so you don't wake up alone tomorrow night?" Mary Margaret asked. The sun was starting to come up the morning before, and Emma was already in bed, dreading the night to come.
"Yeah…I…I would like that, if you don't mind," Emma whispered, her voice already filled with so much pain, Mary Margaret didn't know if she could take it when Emma felt the full effect of the anniversary.
"I never mind," Mary Margaret said, reaching to squeeze Emma's hand for support. "Let me change my clothes and I'll be right back." She climbed off her daughter's bed and rushed out of the room, changing her clothes and getting ready for bed in record time. A few minutes later, she climbed back in bed with Emma, who crawled into her arms a moment later, curling up against her side, the exact same way she used to when she was a kid. It brought a warmth to Mary Margaret's heart that she missed for nearly thirty years.
"Thanks…for coming, Mom…" Emma said softly.
"There's no place I would rather be," Mary Margaret said, resting her hand on Emma's head for comfort.
Outside, a massive thunderstorm barreled through the forest, the wind causing the trees to sway and creak. Rain hit the roof and windows, creating a soothing sound that helped both women fall asleep. Mary Margaret forced herself to stay awake until she could feel Emma drift off to sleep, only then allowing herself to fall asleep as well.
Emma inhaled deeply when she felt Regina's familiar arms wrap around her naked body, holding her so tight. It was only a few moments after sunset, and she knew Regina's internal clock had already woken her up for the night.
"Hey," Emma whispered, pressing her back into Regina, smiling wide as she felt the blissful feeling of Regina's breasts against her back.
"Hey yourself," Regina whispered back, her breath tickling the back of Emma's neck. "Did I wake you?" she asked before kissing Emma's neck so softly it made her skin tingle.
"No. The lack of the sun did." Emma smiled, turning over in Regina's arms until she was greeted with the beautiful brown eyes she fell in love with. "Listen…" she said, her eyes wide with excitement.
"It's raining." Regina smiled, holding her tighter
"I love when it rains!" Emma said, so full of excitement.
"I love how much you love when it rains," Regina said, kissing her gently.
"But no matter how much I love the rain, I love you more than anything in the world." Emma smiled, gently cupping Regina's face.
"Good, because I love you more than anything in the world as well."
"It's a good thing we found each other then." Emma laughed. "Can we sit on the porch and eat tonight? So we can watch the rain?"
"That sounds perfect," Regina said, kissing Emma sweetly. "Go sit outside and I'll warm us up something to eat."
"Wonderful. But in a little bit, I'm not ready to let you go just yet." Emma giggled, wrapping her arm around Regina's low back.
"You never have to let me go. Not for the rest of eternity." Regina smiled, pressing her lips against Emma's sweetly.
Their kiss ended sooner than they would have liked when the sound of Emma's stomach growling caught them both off guard. Regina climbed out of bed and searched for clothes as Emma followed closely behind her, frowning as she got dressed, the first time wearing clothes in three nights. She was really starting to love their new quiet existence deep in the forest.
The storm was still at full steam as she stepped out onto the porch, sitting on the old porch swing that hung from the roof, the sound of the creaking chains adding to the soothing sounds of the storm in front of her. She became mesmerized by the natural music, only realizing Regina had stepped out when she felt her body sit next to her, handing her the yellow mug they had brought with them from Boston, the outside toasty from the warm liquid inside. She sighed contently as they sat together, sipping their blood as they swayed back and forth. Emma's head found Regina's shoulder without either of them realizing it happened, their fingers lacing together as if trying to get as close as they possibly could.
Despite having to escape from Boston two month prior, everything was perfect.
"I have an idea." Emma smiled, a shit-eating grin on her face as she put her empty mug on the floor under the swing, standing and climbing over Regina's legs to get past her.
"What's up?" Regina asked, watching Emma with a confused look on her face, one that turned to shock when she saw Emma remove her sweatpants, kicking them toward the closed door.
"I want to play in the rain."
"You can't be serious."
"Dead serious." Emma pulled off her shirt. "Come play with me!" she said, throwing her shirt at Regina, hitting the brunette square in the face before taking off into the pouring rain.
"You really are serious." Regina laughed as she watched Emma jump around in the rain, the water rushing over her naked body.
"Come on, Regina. Come dance with me!" Emma said, her long blonde hair sticking to the side of her face and down her back, as she jumped and twirled in the air.
"You're insane," Regina said.
"Come on, Regina. What's the worst that can happen?"
"We could both get sick. Then what will we do?" Regina yelled as the storm raged on.
"So what? If we do get sick, we'll just have to stay in bed for a few days. Oh darn." Emma laughed.
"What if we both get deathly ill?" Regina chuckled.
"Can't die, remember." Emma chuckled. "Come on, Miss Mills. Live a little."
"Fine, but if I get sick, you're taking care of me." Regina laughed, quickly pulling off her clothes, creating a small pile in front of the door.
"Deal! If you get sick, I'll spoon feed you blood until you're all better." Emma laughed.
Regina took a tentative step out into the rain, slight goosebumps beginning to form on her skin as she walked over to Emma, her hair already completely soaked and sticking to her face.
"Okay, weirdo. You got me in the rain. What now?" Regina asked, her arms wrapped around her chest.
"Dance with me!" Emma said, so enthusiastic she was practically buzzing.
"There's no music."
"We don't need music," Emma said, grabbing Regina's waist, holding up left hand for Regina to take. Regina smiled as she reached out for Emma's hand, resting her other arm on Emma's shoulder, closing the gap between them so their naked and wet bodies were pressed up against each other. Without another word they began swaying together as the rain continued to wash over them.
"Okay, you're right. This is nice," Regina whispered, shifting to rest her head on Emma's shoulder as they continued to sway.
" I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy," Emma started to whisper. "I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need," Emma continued, her voice finding a small piece of confidence. "I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply do," she began to sing, causing Regina to lift her head off her shoulder to look at her. "I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginnin', a reason for livin', a deeper meaning, yeah."
"I wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, I wanna lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me," they sang in unison, a wide smile forming on Emma's face as she heard Regina's voice mixing with hers.
"And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky, I'll make a wish, send it to heaven and make you want to cry," Regina sang, taking over for Emma. "The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty, that we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of the highest powers, in lonely hours. The tears devour you," Regina continued to sing, causing tears of pure happiness and joy to spill out of Emma's eyes, quickly getting washed away by the steady rain as she listened to her Mate singing to her.
"I wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, I wanna lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me," they sang in unison as they continued to sway in the rain.
"I really wish I remembered the rest of that song." Emma chuckled, now feeling slightly embarrassed that she chose to sing a song she didn't remember in its entirety.
"That's okay, your lips are going to be pretty busy in a few seconds." Regina smiled, pressing her lips into Emma's, a kiss so full of love and devotion it caused tears to escape from both of their eyes this time.
A moment later, their sweet and loving kiss turned deep and passionate as Regina began to quickly push Emma through the mud until her back smacked against the nearby tree, Regina's body pressed firmly against Emma's. She yelped when she felt Regina's hand pull her leg up and guided it to wrap around her waist, a move Regina was very fond of because it allowed her more access to Emma's core.
"Someone's a little eager tonight." Emma laughed, her breath getting caught in her throat as she felt Regina's soft fingers make contact with her clit, teasing her slightly.
"You can't dance around naked in the rain and expect me NOT to eventually push you against this tree and have my way with you," Regina said, kissing Emma's neck.
"And here I was thinking I was being romantic." Emma laughed as she felt Regina's fangs lightly graze over her skin.
"Your impromptu musical number only added fuel to the already raging fire," Regina said, bending over to take one of Emma's nipples into her mouth, sucking slightly. "Do you want me to stop?"
"I think I might die if you do," Emma managed to say as Regina's fingers began to move small circles around her throbbing clit. "But, on one condition."
"Oh, and what's that?" Regina asked, taking her other nipple into her mouth.
"I get to play too." Emma smiled, reaching down to gently lift Regina's leg, holding it close to her as her other hand connected with Regina's wet folds, running small circles over her clit as well. Regina pressed her body even more into Emma's as Emma helped to hold her up, Regina's hot breath spilling over onto the skin of her shoulder.
They each started with a single finger, slowly teasing the other for a moment before plunging a second inside, thrusting hard. Emma's back scraped against the bark of the tree behind her, no doubt drawing blood as Regina's body rocked against hers, but she didn't care. All she cared about was the woman pressed against her, her body moving against hers, as they fingered each other in the rain.
"All I needed was the love you gave." Emma whispered into Regina's ear as she felt Regina's lips against her neck. "All I needed for another day," she continued as she felt Regina's fangs press into her skin, drawing her blood." And all I ever knew…" she said as she sank her fangs into Regina's neck, tasting her irresistible blood.
"…Only you," Regina whispered, her quiet voice filled with nothing but love.
A loud clap of thunder startled Emma, causing her body to jerk and wake her up from a deep sleep. She shot up in bed and looked around, not knowing where she was for a second. Her heart shattered when she realized she wasn't making love to her Mate in the rain, outside their cabin in the forest. Instead, she was in a house in Upstate New York, with her long lost mother sleeping next to her. It felt like she lost Regina all over again.
"Hey, sweetie, are you okay?" Mary Margaret asked, staring up at Emma who was still breathing heavily from being startled awake.
"Yeah…I…I was dreaming…" Emma said as she tried to calm her breathing. "I think the storm woke me up."
"You're crying…" Mary Margaret said, reaching up to wipe away Emma's tears. Emma finched at her touch, the memory of Regina still fresh in her mind. "Were you having a nightmare?"
"No…" Emma said sadly. "Quite the opposite, actually."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I was…I was dreaming about a time…that Regina and I…we made love in the rain after dancing together. It was the most romantic moment of my life." Emma smiled, trying to remember that day. "Regina was afraid we were going to get sick from that, and she was right. Two days later, she got a cold. I promised her I would spoon feed her blood if she got sick, and that's exactly what I did. I took care of her until she felt better." Emma's smile suddenly faded. "She died two months later."
"That sounds like a beautiful moment," Mary Margaret said, not sure what else to say.
"It was." Emma sniffled. "What time is it?"
"Early. Just after sunset," she answered. Emma nodded and climbed out of bed, turning on the room light before reaching into the top dresser drawer, pulling out her silver knife. "Can you please eat something before you do that?" she asked. She knew her daughter needed to do this. She knew she needed to feel the pain. She just didn't like the method she chose.
"No. The scars last longer if I don't eat for a few days before and a few days after," Emma said, sitting back down on the bed, placing her silver knife and towel next to her on the bed. "You don't have to stay for this part, if you don't want to."
"I'm not going anywhere," Mary Margaret said, sitting up in bed, resting her hand on Emma's knee. She didn't want to watch her daughter harm herself, but she knew today wasn't about her. Today was about Emma and making sure she knew she was always there for her.
Emma spent the next five years in isolation, returning to her unhealthy lifestyle. She hunted small game in the forest when she needed but returned to eating very infrequently, her body wasting away each night. She spent most of her time in bed, crying in pain of missing her Mate. Mary Margaret visited her as much as she could, forcing her to get out of bed and eat everyday, making her take care of herself. But Emma always reverted back to her unhealthy lifestyle as soon as her mother left. And no matter what was going on in her life, Mary Margaret made sure to always be with Emma on the anniversary of Regina's death. Even though Emma never said it, she knew it helped her tremendously to have someone with her on the most painful day of her life. She hated that Emma would cut herself each time. Hated seeing her in so much self inflicted pain. But she knew the pain was cathartic.
Mary Margaret knocked softly on Emma's bedroom door on the morning of Regina's fifteenth anniversary, pushing the door open slightly to see Emma already sitting on her bed, her silver knife already sitting on the bed next to her. She closed the door behind her before she joined Emma on the bed, sitting close to her daughter to give her even more support.
Emma took a deep breath as she pressed the blade into the fourteen existing marks on her upper arm, drawing blood with each stroke. She wiped the blood away as they both watched the wounds closing quickly, leaving behind an even larger raised scar in its wake. Taking another deep breath, Emma pressed the blade to her arm once again, crossing the most recent four marks, creating a new line, representing the end of the fifteenth year without Regina. Mary Margaret could hardly hold back tears as she watched Emma move the knife to her forearm, tracing the blade along the already present scars spelling out "Regina'' drawing more blood with each pass. When she was finished, Emma was left with deeper scars, the name of her late Mate even more prominent than it was before. A moment later, Emma burst into tears, the ever-present pain in her chest emanating throughout her whole body, causing her to collapse into her mother's arms, her body shaking uncontrollably. Mary Margaret held her daughter for the remainder of the night, comforting her as best as she could while she cried with her, Emma's pain emanating into her own body. They both eventually cried themselves to sleep before sunrise, both mentally and physically exhausted.
Mary Margaret stayed with Emma for another week after the anniversary, trying to nurse Emma back to health.
"Emma, I need to talk to you about something before I leave in a few days," Mary Margaret said one night as she handed Emma a mug of warm blood.
"What's up, Mom?" Emma asked.
"I think it's time for you to return to society," Mary Margeret said, cutting right to the chase.
"I…I don't know. I don't think I'm ready for that yet," Emma said, sipping her blood to avoid the conversation.
"I know it's hard, sweetie. And I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to lose your Mate," Mary Margaret said, pausing to sip her own blood. "And isolation is definitely necessary in Vampire society, especially since we live for eternity. One needs to self isolate for a few years, but we must reenter society eventually, before the isolation changes us."
"I know. But…I just don't think I'm ready yet," Emma answered.
"I know. I know it's hard. But you need to. You need to move on with your life. You can't stay shut away from the world. It's time for you to rip off the bandaid."
"I…I don't know…"
"You are welcome to come back here whenever you need to, especially during the anniversary of Regina's passing. I promise to meet you here every year so you are not alone. But you need to move on with your life. You're wasting away here. It's not healthy," Mary Margaret said, resting her hand on Emma's arm.
"O…okay…" Emma says eventually, knowing Mary Margaret is right.
"Great," Mary Margaret said, smiling at the idea of her daughter moving on. "I spoke to David before coming here. We found you a car, so you don't have to keep walking. It's safer if you can't find a place to sleep on your journey. David is just waiting for my word, and he's going to drive it up here so you can take it."
"Thank you, Mom," Emma whispered, giving her mother a small half smile. She knew her mother was right. She knew she needed to move on and start over. It just still hurt so much to be without Regina, she wasn't sure if she could do it.
Two days later David arrived, driving a vintage yellow Bug. Emma took one look at the beat-up old car and instantly fell in love with it, seeing the car as a physical representation of herself. It was just what she needed. Three days after David arrived, they packed up their things and locked the door to the house for the last time, parting ways with a promise to call if she needed anything, and a promise to meet there in a year for Regina's anniversary. After five years of isolation, Emma parted ways with her mother and David, and started her journey to her fresh start.
Emma started driving west, not knowing where she was going. The last time she left isolation she had a plan, but this time she just drove, hoping she would find inspiration similar to when she found The Gin Joint in New York. She stopped for the night in Chicago, finding a room in a run-down hotel at the last minute. Even though the room was a dump, it felt good to sleep in an actual bed instead of the backseat of her trusty yellow Bug like she had been the past few nights.
She decided to stick around in Chicago for a few nights, wanting to explore the city a little before she continued on her way. She felt a calm rush over her as she walked the unfamiliar streets, in search of a place to buy some blood. Eventually, she found a small store that sold blood, purchasing a small bottle of A+. Even though the cocktail of blood included way less Human blood than usual, it wasn't that bad. She had learned to survive on strictly animal blood and hadn't eaten anything since she left New York a few days ago, and she knew she promised her mother she would take better care of herself from now on.
As she walked back to her room, she felt a shift in the air. Something changed within her and she just knew, this was where she was supposed to be. There was something about Chicago that drew her in, and before she even made it back to her room, she had made the decision to stay and try to rebuild her life once again in The Windy City.
Just like New York, luck seemed to be on her side, as she quickly found a job working the night shift in a factory. She didn't even care what they were manufacturing, although she suspected they might be making car parts. It was an easy job and the pay was decent, and it paid more because it was the overnight shift. She even found a very small basement apartment. It was only slightly larger than a dorm room and didn't even include a kitchen, but she didn't need much. Just a mattress on the floor to sleep during the day and the privacy to keep blood in the small refrigerator without anyone bothering her. She didn't need much, and what she found was perfect.
She began to live a very quiet life and kept to herself most of the time. She went to work, did her job and left, rushing home to make sure she made it home before sunrise. She decided to keep her true identity a secret and didn't disclose to anyone that she was a Vampire. She had learned many tricks from Regina on how to conceal her true identity, which included never smiling with her mouth open and speaking through a partially closed mouth to conceal her fangs. She kept to herself while at work, sitting in her car during her breaks to avoid idol chit-chat with her coworkers. When she was faced with casual conversations with said coworkers, she kept her answers light and often tried to steer the conversation away from herself. As long as she didn't let her guard down, she was able to blend in with the Humans around her without anyone suspecting she was anything other than a very private Human.
"How is everything going in Chicago, sweetie?" Mary Margaret asked as they sat around the kitchen table in David's forest home in New York.
"Quiet. It's pretty uneventful to be honest," Emma answered, her voice already sounding sad. "I will admit, I do get a little lonely sometimes."
"Why not try to make some friends? Someone to spend time with when you're not working? You had lots of friends in New York," Mary Margaret suggested, trying to engage her daughter, who's mood was quickly deteriorating. Emma shrugged and continued to sip her blood, drinking just enough to placate her worried mother, already mentally checking out of the conversation as her brain tried to process the next day.
Tomorrow was the twentieth anniversary of Regina's death, marking a second decade without her. And Emma was already starting to feel the crippling sadness that accompanied Regina's anniversaries.
"I'm not feeling so hot. I think I'm going to head to bed early, if that's okay," Emma said after another half hour of fielding questions from her mother, who was desperately trying to distract her from the truth.
Regina had been gone for twenty years.
"Of course, sweetie. Feel better," Mary Margaret said as Emma bolted out of her seat and rushed upstairs.
Emma cried so hard that night that Mary Margaret could hear her all the way downstairs. Unable to stand it any longer, Mary Margaret snuck into Emma's room before sunrise, crawling in bed beside her daughter and holding her as they both cried themselves to sleep, preparing for the yearly pain surrounding Regina's anniversary.
The twentieth anniversary was exceptionally tough for Emma. Twenty years marked two decades without her Mate. And although twenty years is a short time to a Vampire, it already felt like an eternity to Emma. If twenty years felt like torture, how was she going to make it the rest of immortal life without her?
She started her night as she did for every anniversary, marking the passing year with a new tally mark, as well as creating deeper scars along her arm. Mary Margaret swore Emma pressed the blade deeper into her arm than she had in previous years, purposely creating more pain this year.
"I'm starting to forget what she looked like," Emma admitted in between sobbs. "And it's really hard for me to remember the sound of her voice." Her confession caused them both to start weeping uncontrollably.
"I'm so sorry…" Mary Margaret said, not knowing what else to say as she held her daughter tighter.
"Do me a favor," Emma said after a half hour of weeping. "Take a bunch of pictures with David. Record him telling you that he loves you. Hold him tight when you see him and never let him go. Because you never know when your last 'I love you' will be your last…"
"I will…" Mary Margaret whispered, her voice caught in her throat. They didn't say another word for the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep before sunrise. It would take Emma twice as long to recover from this anniversary, and Mary Margaret feared that a part of Emma died with each passing year. Emma would agree.
When Emma returned to work, she immediately noticed there was something different on the plant floor. She was sensing another Vampire. She asked a few people if there was someone new working that night, and everyone said no. It was the same crew that always worked at night. She started to think that maybe it was just a response to spending a few weeks with Mary Margaret in the forest just the two of them, although she had never felt that after they parted ways. As the night wore on, the feeling of another Vampire didn't fade. It was clear there was another Vampire among them that night. She came to the conclusion by the end of her shift that someone she worked with was turned while she was away and was also concealing their true identity.
The feeling was still there when she went to work the following evening, and Emma tried her hardest to discover who it was. But there were too many people working that night for her to pinpoint exactly who it was. Eventually, she needed to give up her search and pay attention to what she was doing, to ensure no one got hurt because she was distracted.
It wasn't until the third night of work that she finally discovered who the new Vampire was. And she didn't have to do anything; they approached her first.
"Hey…" the young man said, calling after Emma outside as she made her way to her car during her break.
"Hey!" Emma said, immediately sensing this was the new Vampire.
"You're…Emma…right?" he asked nervously as he approached her.
"Yeah. And you are?" she asked, trying to get to know the new Vamp.
"I'm Peter. But my friends used to call me Pan, because they said I looked like Peter Pan when I was little," the young man said, starting to babble nervously.
"I'll stick with Peter." Emma smiled, politely.
"Cool." He smiled nervously. "So ummm….can I…maybe….ask you something?" he asked, kicking at a stray pebble nervously.
"Sure, Peter."
"Are you…a…ummm…a…?" Peter stuttered, trying really hard to get the words out.
"A…Vampire?" Emma asked, finishing his sentence for him to ease his nerves. Peter nodded wildly, his nerves already easing. "Yes, I am a Vampire. Just as I can sense that you are as well."
"Yeah…I am…" Peter said nervously again.
"You were turned not long ago, weren't you?" Emma asked, receiving a quick nod from Peter. "Is your Sire still around?" she added, already knowing the answer. Peter shook his head sadly.
"Is yours?" he asked.
"No," Emma says sadly. "But I've been a Vampire for many years. Over twenty to be exact."
"Wow! That's almost as long as I've been alive!" Peter laughed.
"Listen, our breaks are almost over. Let me give you my number," Emma said, pulling out her phone to give the young Vampire her number. "Call me if you have questions. I want you to be safe, since your Sire left you."
"Thanks," Peter said, his eyes filling with tears at Emma's generosity.
"Hey, first rule of blending in. You can't cry around Humans," Emma said, shifting her gaze around to make sure no one was looking. "And don't smile with your teeth, or open your mouth too wide. You don't want to show your fangs and give yourself away."
"Oh yeah!" Peter said, his hand covering his mouth instinctually. "Shit, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay. You just have to be careful, unless you are prepared to tell people your true identity," Emma said, chuckling to lighten the mood.
"Thanks, Emma," Peter said, clearly trying to hide his emotions.
"Can you do me a favor though?" she asked, checking the time to see that they only had a few more minutes.
"Of course!"
"Can you keep my identity a secret? It's up to you if you want people to know you're a Vampire, but I would like to keep my identity a secret," Emma said, hoping the young Vampire understood. "I'm not sure how the company would react to employing a Vampire, so it's better if we lay low."
"Of course! Your secret is safe with me." He smiled, his fangs showing slightly. He's going to expose himself by the end of the week, Emma thought to herself as they made their way back into the building to continue their shift. Emma continuously watched her back, paranoid that Peter might expose her identity.
Everything was quiet for a few weeks, and Emma started to lower her guard slightly. Peter was doing a great job with concealing his own identity, and hers as well.
That was, until the foreman found a packet of blood on the floor in the breakroom one night.
Peter had made the mistake of bringing a packet of blood to work, even after Emma had advised him to conceal the blood in a travel mug. No one would question why a person working the night shift would be drinking out of a travel mug. They would assume they were drinking coffee to stay awake. But being a young man and an even younger Vampire, he didn't heed her warning, thinking he could get away with bringing a blood packet, which clearly fell out of his backpack while he was securing it in his locker for the night.
As soon as the blood was discovered, the foreman shut down the floor, calling an emergency meeting. The moment he made the announcement that a Vampire was amongst them, a frenzy ensued. The foreman announced that this was a Vampire-free workplace, and vowed to fire the Vampire on the spot when they figured out exactly who it was. He demanded the Vampire step up to avoid a painful investigation, as well as to ensure everyone could return to work to meet their quotas for the evening.
At first, everyone was silent, until Peter stepped forward. Emma felt horrible when she saw the young Vampire step forward, because she knew he would instantly lose his job. That was, until he pointed his finger at Emma.
"She's the Vampire" Peter said, his finger shaking as he continued to point at Emma. "I saw her drinking blood in her car the other day. She's the Vampire."
Emma's already pale face turned even paler as every person stared at her with anger and fear in their eyes. Her cover was blown.
The foreman rushed over and grabbed her wrist immediately, his hot hand burning her skin as he violently dragged her toward the exit. She could feel her fellow co-workers spit on her as he dragged her past them, a few screaming derogatory remarks toward her.
Just as they were a few yards away from the exit, Emma felt something hard and sharp hit her on the back of the head. She could feel blood begin to trickle down the back of her neck before the gash in her head healed. The projectile object started another frenzy; this time, she was the object of the violence.
The co-workers she had worked alongside for over five years suddenly turned on her, attacking her. They punched and kicked her, eventually knocking her to the ground, allowing them to kick her stronger and harder. Some even threw things at her, while others continued to kick her. The foreman stood back and watched as the rest of the employees took their turn in beating her, until they went back to work one-by-one, getting their aggression out on her before returning to their stations, eventually leaving her a bloody mess on the floor.
She struggled to breathe as she laid on the floor in a pool of her own blood. She had so many wounds that it took a long time to heal, and all she could do was lay there and gasp for breath, scared that the violence could continue at any moment. Her eyes were swollen shut, so she didn't see when the foreman reached down and grabbed her by the throat and lifted her up off the floor slightly, cutting off her airway almost completely.
He dragged her bloody and battered body toward the door and threw her through the doorway, causing her to collide with the hard concrete outside hard. He kicked her in the head one last time, dislocating her jaw, screaming something derogatory before slamming the door behind her.
If Emma had still been Human, she would have been dead. As it was, she still wasn't sure how she survived the violent beating she had just received.
Emma laid on the ground for what felt like an eternity, her body struggling to breathe as she waited for her collapsed lung to reinflate as it healed. There wasn't an inch of her body that didn't hurt and she could feel that most of her wounds were still bleeding. She remembered back to Regina's time as a prisoner in The Agency's basement and remembered the only factor in their healing was starvation. She couldn't remember the last time she ate, and in the moment she thought this might be the final end of her life.
And she welcomed death with open arms.
But after a half an hour, she felt her wounds begin to heal and her bones begin to mend as her jaw forced itself back into place on its own, indicating that her Vampire healing had begun to take effect. As soon as she could she began to crawl toward her car and eventually climbed inside, locking the doors as soon as she was safely tucked away inside.
She began to cry as soon as she was safely inside her trusty yellow Bug, her fresh tears mixing with the blood already present on her skin from her beatings. She cried because, no matter what she did, her life would never get any better without Regina. No matter where she goes, she will always suffer. Once again, she wished for death.
After a few more minutes, she mustered up the energy to drive away just as she saw a group of her former coworkers stroming toward her car, large tools in their hands, no doubt coming to finish what they started. She sped out of the parking lot and drove directly home, rushing to the safety of her small apartment, locking the door immediately behind her. She even moved her large dresser in front of the door to ensure extra security before she flopped down onto her bed, curling into a ball. As she laid in bed, she thought about calling her mother, but in the end decided against it, knowing she would worry about her, and she didn't feel the need to make the woman worry.
A few moments later a thought occurred to her. What if her landlord wasn't Vampire friendly either? What if the foreman discovered where she lived and informed her landlord her true identity? She couldn't risk what happened in Boston happening again and decided she needed to leave Chicago ASAP.
She took a quick shower and began to pack her things, making sure everything was packed and ready to go the following night, ready to leave as soon as the sun set. She couldn't risk staying there any longer.
The following night, Emma packed her car with her meager belongings and called her landlord, leaving him a message letting him know she would be vacating the apartment, effective immediately, and apologizing for the short notice. She kept driving until she crossed over into the state of Minnesota and pulled over at the first Vampire friendly motel she found, barricading the door as soon as the door was closed and locked behind her.
She laid in bed the first night, her mind racing with worry about her future, wondering where she should go next, her recent betrayal and violence against her still fresh in her mind and on her body.
"What should I do, Regina? I'm so scared," she whispered into the silence of the room, half expecting Regina to answer her.