He had screwed up. House knew that he had screwed up. He threw his oversized tennis ball against the wall once more, putting all his frustration, all his guilt into it and barely caught the ball when it bounced back. There had been thousand ways to handle the situation, more than enough times to apologize. But of course, he the famous Gregory House chose the last moment possible to act and of course it was too late by then. Chase hadn't accepted his apology. House, the one person who rarely ever apologized to anyone even Wilson, had not only apologized to Chase but also admitted that what had happened was his fault. Something he never voluntarily admitted.

And still, the young man hadn't even blinked at his apology, had ignored it as if it was nothing and House couldn't handle it. Especially not from Chase, who had been with him the longest, who knew him better than most people and who he thought was the closest he had to a friend other than Wilson. House sighed and threw the ball again. Deep down he knew he wasn't mad because Chase hadn't accepted the apology, he was mad at himself. He should have been there for Chase, should have done anything to show the younger one that he cared and wanted to help him. But then again, he didn't do such things, he didn't care about people. However, he couldn't deny the sharp pain he had felt in his own heart when he was told that Chase had been stabbed.

Although he would never admit it to anyone he cared deeply about Chase. The young Aussie had developed from the annoying, ass-kissing kid to a young, smart and quick-witted man House had grown to like and respect. And still he hadn't been able to show his concern, hadn't managed to say one single supporting word, couldn't bring himself to visit Chase in his room. Not because he didn't care but because he cared way too much and couldn't handle the sharp guilt in his chest. Another toss against the wall. He couldn't leave it like this. Before he could think twice about it, House stood up, grabbed his cane and started limping towards Chase's room, knowing the Aussie should be back from his physical therapy by now.

He stopped, when he could see Chase through the glass, lying in his bed, eyes starring at the ceiling. House was pretty sure he had a very good idea of what Chase was thinking about. After his infarction, House had laid in the exact same position, still in pain, wondering how he should go on…if he should go on. His earlier hesitation vanished, and he reached for the door, determined not to let Chase go through the same pain.

The younger man looked up when he heard House enter, his usually bright eyes clouded with medication and pain. His face showed no emotion, but he eyed House's every move. House pushed the visitors chair closer to the bed and sat down, observing his employee. For a moment, none of the said anything before the silence was interrupted by Chase involuntarily groaning quietly from the pain.

"First PT is always a bitch", House finally said.

"No kidding", Chase replied through gritted teeth, "surprisingly having to learn how to walk again like a two-year-old isn't as fun as it looks".

House couldn't help but chuckle a little. Chase was as eager to admit to weakness and pain as himself.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure there are lots of women out there who would love to take advantage of you right now", House smirked, "good looking cripples are hard to come by. The two of us are very rare material".

Chase rolled his eyes at this but couldn't entirely hide a small grin that crossed his face for a second which didn't go unnoticed by House. Good, he thought to himself. But then Chases face scrunched up in pain again and it was Houses turn not being able to hide the small frown of concern on his own face.

"I can up your morphine dosage", he offered voice free of any sarcasm this time, but Chase just shook his head.

"It's fine", he mumbled, "might as well get use to the pain".

"No need to play the hero Chase", House replied, "but I get it. Even if you manage to develop a nice little drug habit of your own, you know that you'll never be as good as me. I'm sure this must be frustrating!"

He smirked at the other man, but this time Chase didn't smile back. His face was serious.

"Listen House, I'm not in the mood to play games right now", he said, "I don't know why you are here but like I said before; none of this is fun".

House sighed. So, he wouldn't be able to joke himself out of this one, but he also wasn't ready to go into an all-emotional talk just yet so instead he said: "I told you I'm sorry Chase, what more do you want to hear? That it's all going to be alright, that the pain will stop soon, and everything will go back to how it was. Life doesn't work that way; you should know this by now".

"I'm not delusional House, but you saying sorry didn't make a difference either", Chase replied, "and since I know that you knew this, I'm wondering why you bothered to apologize in the first place"

Now this reaction House hadn't expected. Chase being angry, disappointed, or even breaking down, yes but not him analysing his apology.

"So, to get this straight, your reason not to accept my apology is because it doesn't make a difference?", he asked still a little confused, "or because you think I had the wrong motives?"

He could see Chase smiling a little, but it was one of those unhappy, sceptical almost dangerous smiles.

"What were your motives? The guy who questioned everyone, trying to figure out if somebody screwed up, seemed pretty concerned by the fact that you apparently didn't seem to care at all", Chase began, voice clear but quiet, "I told him by not caring you showed how much you cared, that you just can't stand the thought of people knowing you do have feelings and I was certain that this was the case, that this was the reason you didn't talk to me. But when you apologized it didn't fit the pattern. So why did you do it? I came to the conclusion that you felt guilty, blamed yourself and needed to apologize as an attempt to clear your conscience. It wasn't really about me, but about you trying to feel better about yourself. And like I said, that didn't make a difference".

House didn't reply immediately. Mostly because he didn't know what to say. He had underestimated Chase once again and even though not every word the younger doctor had said was entirely true, he was closer to the truth than House would have liked. His apology had been out of guilt, had been an attempt to make things right when he didn't know what he could say that might actually make a difference.

"For the record", Chase suddenly interrupted House's thought process, "I didn't accept the apology because I don't actually blame you".

Now that House had expected even less.

"You don't?!", he asked stunned. Chase just kind of shrugged.

"Why should I? It was my decision to bring the scalpel in, I knew the risks. So, if it was anyone's fault it's mine", he explained simply.

"Wow", House finally replied, "who could have expected that your heart being stabbed would make it easier for you to finally grow a backbone. Daddy is so proud of you!".

He attempted a smirk and this time Chase grinned back. It was a good feeling, knowing that Chase didn't blame him, that maybe they still were okay.

"You were right", House said then, "about what you told Colfield. Why I didn't talk to you sooner, why I disturbed your procedure".

"Even under torture you wouldn't admit caring about someone would you?", Chase asked laughing, "you could just say that you were worried about me. It wouldn't hurt you, you know".

"Oh for god's sake, I didn't know you were so needy Dr Chase", House replied theatrically, "but if it makes you feel any better, I almost peed my pants when I heard my most good-looking doctor had been stabbed. It was pretty scary having to imagine going through the whole process of finding and training a new puppy".

Chase snorted at this. In the typical way Chase had always snorted when House dropped a particularly bad joke and although earlier in their relationship it might have been to kiss his ass by now the two of them had scaringly developed a very similar sense of humour. It somehow felt nice.

"Now that wasn't too hard, was it?", Chase asked grinning. For a moment they just smirked at each other. Then Chase face turned serious again.

"House, were you scared?", he asked quietly, "after your infarction I mean".

So they would be talking emotions after all.

"Well, you know me. Dealing with changes and difficult situations is my strong side", he answered rolling his eyes before he turned serious as well, "you know I didn't handle it very well and I will deny it if you ever quote me but yeah, I was terrified. I was terrified, in pain and wondered more than once if it was worth it. To keep going, to live they way I have to live".

Chase appeared slightly taken aback by his honesty and House sighed again.

"Your advice for me is to seriously consider committing suicide?", Chase asked cautiously, obviously not believing the other man.

"You didn't ask for advice, you asked how I felt", House countered simply, "I was miserable, and I made everyone around me miserable as well, some very mean tongues would say I still do. So yeah, I thought about ending it but that's not what I want you to take from this".

"What do you want me to take?"

"We are not in the same situation. I was told I would never be able to walk again on my own but couldn't accept this fact so I was disappointed when I found out the hard way that I really wouldn't not without a cane. But you have a lot better chances of walking again and even if you don't, you'll be fine", House told Chase.

"How do you know I'll be okay?", Chase asked, sounding lost and small, like it was his biggest secret, his biggest fear that he wouldn't be able to deal with it.

"Because you are a better person than I am", House continued, shrugging a little to reduce the seriousness of his statement, "people may compare us from time to time and you may also have a similar approach to life by now, but you are you and you always keep going. You kept going after your father died, after being fired, after Dibala, after losing Cameron and you will keep going this time. You are strong Chase that's how I know you'll be fine".

Chase didn't immediately respond anything, and House could see that his eyes were shining a little. Oh, he wasn't going to cry now, was he?

"Well, and if you should reach a point where you feel like you won't, I've been there so, you can talk to me if you ever want or need to", House added, "wow, I can't believe I just said that".

This got a little laugh out of his former intensivist and he replied, rubbing his eyes: "Thanks dad".

Although Chase had rolled his eyes and his voice was filled with sarcasm, the statement didn't sound as fake as intended. Somehow it sounded genuinely appreciative instead. House was about to comment on Chase obviously still having some daddy issues when he noticed that the younger man still seemed to be in pain as he shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Alright son", he said instead, "as much as I loved our little heart to heart here, I'm gonna put you under now. Surprisingly seeing you in pain, when I'm not the reason for it, isn't as fun as I thought".

Chase didn't protest when House went to up his dosage of morphine and the older man could see his eyes closing slowly. House sat back down and watched Chase's breaths getting evener and his heart beating slower. The boy looked a lot more relaxed now, almost peaceful.

"You gonna keep sitting there?", Chase asked, heavily opening his eyes again.

"Well, I'm not going to kiss you good night or tell you a story, we are not there yet", House replied smirking again, "but you know my leg hurts, life of a cripple, real tragedy but I don't think walking is an option right now so I might as well stay here".

"Thanks", Chase said smiling and closing his eyes again. House just gave him a nod.

Just when he thought that Chase was out cold, he started talking again, his voice quiet and sounding almost asleep: "You know House, I'm glad you didn't give up and kept going".

"Oh, will you shut up and go to sleep now", House retorted although he obviously didn't mean it. He could see the small smile on Chase's face before he finally drifted of to sleep.

House watched the young man's sleeping form and thought about their shared history again. Chase had been through a lot, he realized. But the kid was also his most loyal and trusted member of the team and the only constant over the years. Somehow Chase had managed to get himself a rare spot in House's heart. Somehow, he had ended up caring about the younger man more than he wanted to admit, more than he had imagined. But then he realized that maybe it wasn't the worst thing ever, he wouldn't say it out loud, but he had accepted it, actually enjoyed their relationship and would do everything to protect him from suffering any more damage. Just because Gregory House cared about Robert Chase.