CHAPTER 22
GHOSTS FROM THE PAST – after 6x01
Jason and Mandy came back to the house in the middle of the afternoon and he sat on the sofa, complaining about how much he ate and drank. "God, I need to start training harder to get my body back. This way I won't even fit in my uniform".
"Well, all I ate was chicken, rice, and drank water, so I feel light as a feather".
Jason looked at her "Well, talking about that, when you get better you should eat some more food, ok? You lost weight these days".
Mandy nodded, and decided to guide the conversation. "Yes, more food but keeping it healthy. Got it. Hey, who made your menu that time when you came back from surgery? That you were always blabbing about eating healthier to live longer and whatever?"
"Hmm... I don't remember. It didn't say who elaborated it, they just gave me. But it wasn't good, I only followed it for like a month" Jason answered, and he seemed sincere. He turned the TV on.
"Oh. And who handed you the menu then? The doctor who operated on you? Maybe I can ask them"
"No… Natalie gave it to me" Jason answered, without looking at her. But Mandy noticed right away he was looking too attentively at a commercial, still with the remote in his hands. He was pretending to be cool.
"Your PT gave you a post-surgery menu?" Mandy didn't try to disguise her dislike. "Well ok then, if it works… can you ask her if she has a menu for someone like me?"
"Do you want me to call Natalie?" Jason asked, thinking it was a weird request.
"Why, is it weird for you? You still talk to her?" Mandy tried to sound casual.
But Jason pulled a Uno reverse card. "Mandy, did you by any chance see the text that Natalie sent me this morning?"
Mandy was shocked that he could hold that information for so long. She forgot that seals are trained to hold their tongues during the most horrible methods of torture. But she was mad at that woman again, for impersonating a nutritionist in addition to everything else.
"Yes, it was right next to me at the island when it buzzed" Mandy stated, getting up from the sofa and walking to the back porch, opening the glass door aggressively.
"Is that why you were all weird with me before lunch?" he stood up and chased her to the porch.
"No", she honestly said, "at first I was teasing you in a good way, but after that text, yes, I was kinda mad at you".
"But why? There's nothing wrong with the text. She sent me the number to a great PT that is her friend, to help Clay. And she mentioned that she's still in town. If you don't want to, I won't see her".
Mandy stared at him, indignant. "Oh no, this is not me being jealous"
"Sure, sure. U-hum" Jason smirked at her.
"I'm serious Jason." she raised her voice. "I really don't like that woman. I think she's sly, and not in a good way". Jason looked at her surprised, she never said anything bad about any women he dated before, and she hardly ever raised her voice like that.
"She's a PT that kept sleeping with her patient. She made you follow a meal plan approved by no one but herself. Her best friend was your therapist and they both pressured you to give up Bravo and to be serious with her. Even when you should be treating panic attacks, he wanted you to focus your mind on a new relationship instead of getting better". Mandy was yelling at him, but she wasn't even looking at his face, so mad she was. Now she turned to him, and spoke in a lower voice "Jason, she was controlling you. Controlling every part of your life. Trying to turn you into her puppet. She even found you a spot for you to work in another city so you could move in with her. She took you away from Bravo for months".
Jason heard it all and her words were like a slap on is face. At first, he really thought it was pure jealousy of Mandy, but now she understood why she disliked Natalie. She really was controlling him and trying to change him all the time. No wonder why he felt so miserable those months without Bravo. He had nothing else. But Mandy was wrong about one thing.
"She didn't take me away from Bravo, Mandy" he stated, serious. "You're right, she tried to control me and I didn't see it at first, because I actually felt guilty for breaking up with her so easily and going back to Bravo. But she's not the reason why I gave up Bravo that time".
"How is that? You were dating her", Mandy felt good that Jason finally saw through Natalie's schemes, but she didn't understand how she didn't keep him from going back to Bravo.
"Yes, while we dated she pressured me to stay away from Bravo, but only because I left first and said that I wanted to stay away. But I gave up Bravo because of you" Jason said, leaning against a pillar.
"What the hell Jason, don't put this on me. I left the CIA because of what I was feeling, I never told you to leave Bravo. I knew you wouldn't be happy without the team", Mandy was feeling hurt.
"No, it wasn't like that", Jason sighed. "I was miserable, Mandy. When you left, I felt guilty for not helping you with your concerns. But I also felt you had the guts to walk away when I didn't. To find a life. But I should've tried to make room for that life along with Bravo, because I was happy with the team. I shouldn't have left them, but at that time I didn't know the difference. I just wanted to be brave like you." He had tears in his eyes, and Mandy felt bad that he was so lost and misunderstood.
"Well, why didn't you call me? When you felt you made a bad decision. I only found out you left Bravo because Lisa told me" she was hurt by that.
Jason was confused. "What do you mean? You left and told me I would convince you to stay. I'd never want to make you come back when staying with the CIA would make you miserable"
"And do you really think a phone call, or a text, days after I left, would make me come back to the CIA? Because I thought you were my friend, yet I didn't hear from you until months later when you were arrested. When you didn't have a girlfriend, and was forbidden to talk to any of the guys, then you reached out." Mandy's eyes were filled with tears, which made the green in her eyes even lighter.
Jason was shocked by her idea, once more, that he didn't care about her. "It wasn't like that. Of course I was your friend. When I called you to talk about the jury I really wanted to see you and hear your opinion, and you gave me courage to go on. And when you left the first time, I thought you didn't want to talk to me, because you didn't call me either, for months".
"How could I, Jason, when you were back with Natalie like two days after we talked? Would you even answer my call?" Now Mandy was demonstrating her jealousy along with her dislike for Natalie, but she didn't even care. Jason answered that obviously he would've taken her call, but Mandy couldn't control her hurt. "You were dating that controlling woman, letting everyone know how serious you wanted to be with her, that now you were a different man. Taking her to trips with your family. Then you broke up with her, telling me that you needed to focus on Bravo, which meant that maybe you still loved her but loved Bravo more". Now her voice was shaky. Jason was shocked by her confessions, but kept silent while she continued, now angry "You slept with me Jason. I was your co-worker and, supposedly, one of your best friends, and you showed up to my room and slept with me, and didn't even spoke to me later. You didn't want to be friends with me anymore. You said earlier that day that there's no choice in duty, that you could never leave the team, even though I never wanted you to, but then a couple of weeks later you announce to everyone that you left Bravo. And you went back to her, staying away from the team and everybody you said you cared so much. And then again you almost went to live in another city, far from your friends and kids, with her". She cleaned her tears that rolled from her face, and concluded, "How could I call you, Jason, after all of that? You were in love and disappeared from the face of the Earth. You didn't want anything to do with the guys or me".
There. Mandy said all that she wanted to say. She sighed and raised her shoulder, leaving Jason at the back porch.
"Wait a minute", Jason followed her, after he processed all that she said. He was angry at her now, and reached her in the TV room, grabbing her wrist. "So you're going to be mad at me about something that happened ages ago, huh? Because if that's so, aren't you forgetting something?" he released her, but she stayed because she really had no idea what she could have forgotten.
"What about when I asked you to go with me to Rehoboth the first time? I invited you to a trip, a long and romantic trip for fuck sake, and you didn't even bother to answer me". Jason was feeling for a long time that punch to his pride.
"Oh, come on, Jason, did you really think that it was a romantic trip? Did you really think that an invitation to drop my whole life to take care of you after a surgery, like a nurse, would constitute a romantic trip?" she advance at him, and the disdain in her voice hurt him. "I had just told you I broke up with the guy I was seeing. So until then you thought I was with someone. You had never even asked me out on a normal date, hell, you had never even made a move on me, and you expected me to take your invitation seriously? I am not Natalie. I have self-respect. I knew that as soon as your surgery went well you'd dismiss me and find another distraction from your demons. In another woman, probably". She threw the words at him, and she meant every single one of them.
Jason was completely lost by her way of thinking, but he also noticed she was right in some things. But he wasn't giving up now. "Oh really? And what if I had finally gathered the courage to ask you out that day, huh? And you just rejected me. I was panicking to go to surgery, yes, but I really wanted to be with you during my leave."
"Yes, so much that you fucked Natalie right after the surgery, right? As soon as your hips could move. And not in a hotel, oh no, she was your doctor but still you could walk around base with her in your arms, and take her to your house, introduce her to the dog. But hey. I was supposed to believe that you really were interested in me. Right".
Jason was giving up the argument by now, but when Mandy started to walk up the stairs, his pride still made him ask, yelling at her "Oh yeah? Then what should I have done, huh, Mandy? After you rejected my invitation? For you to believe that I really wanted to be with you during my leave?"
Mandy stopped, and went back down the stairs, staying extremely close to him now, and her face was filled with hurt. "I didn't reject your invitation, remember? You said so yourself. You just had to ask me again after the surgery, Jason. That easy. One day later. But you couldn't, could you? Because you had already moved on to your next distraction on the day of the surgery. Even faster than I thought".
Mandy could never forget how the team was talking about how nice it was that Natalie accompanied Jason to the surgery. How thoughtful of her to do that. And how Jason called Natalie, instead of her, to go with him. Right after his so-called romantic invitation. She could laugh.
Jason felt terrible, but watched her walk up the stairs and felt betrayed now. He lowered his voice, "So that's what you think of me, Mandy? And what about what you said last night? That you trusted me with your life? Was that some bullshit move to give me a hard on, then?"
Mandy stopped walking up the stairs. She didn't turn her face, but he could hear her perfectly when she murmured "I was talking about my body, Jason."
And with that punch of words on Jason's face, Mandy walked up the stairs and walked into the bedroom, so angry she was crying again. People say that you shouldn't dwell on the past, but reminding how much Jason hurt her and used her, changing his mind about her all of the time, just showed her why she always felt insecure about calling him her boyfriend, or opening her heart even more to him. Because he was fickle. She trusted him with her life, but she didn't know if she could trust him with her heart.
…
...
Jason was gobsmacked by everything that Mandy said. All of her versions of what happened, and most of them she was completely wrong about. He knew he was not the best of boyfriends, or husband, because he always pushed women away. He did that to Mandy after they slept together. Yes, she was right, he was the one that went after her that night, and he should be the one that should've reached out to her the next day, not only because it was something a gentleman would do, but because if their relationship changed from friendship to something else, it's because of his actions, and he should've managed the consequences.
About reaching out to Natalie right after inviting Mandy to Rehoboth, well, he knew she had a point. He felt rejected by her and, at that time, he didn't have the courage, the patience, and the mental stability to win Mandy over. He really was searching for a distraction from his surgery and its possible consequences. And Natalie and her nursing skills were right there, offering themselves to him, so easy to take. He regretted that now, knowing that Mandy actually didn't reject him because she didn't even take his invitation seriously. But when he got closer to Natalie, he could imagine how hurtful it was for Mandy. Specially because yes, later on he was dating Natalie officially, and even though Mandy was nothing more than his friend back then, it obviously showed her, at the time, how he could easily change his mind.
But Mandy had a few things wrong, too. Jason was never in love with Natalie, even though he really cared for her. He also never thought about hiding Mandy in the hotel; he didn't even think about how it would hurt her to be going there all those times, instead of going to his place. He never actually told her why he did that, and she probably thinks, until now, that it was because he was trying to figure out if he wanted to be official with her or not. She also kept saying that he just slept with her in J-Bad and then came back to Natalie, like it really was a one time thing for him, but it wasn't. He never talked to her about that too.
It seemed that their relationship was filled with misunderstandings even before they started dating, that shouldn't surface right now. They were in the past. But all these things were telling Jason that they were the reason why Mandy was always so unaware about how he felt about her, and why she felt so insecure about him. He was quite inconsistent in his actions back then, he noticed, and she got some things right, but she was also wrong about some of the things, mostly about how he felt for her. To her, it was like he liked her now but five minutes later, when he also liked her, he changed his mind and slept with someone else. He had to correct that, even if it didn't change her conclusion on how she felt about him. He just didn't know where to start.
Half an hour after their fight, Jason finally had the courage to go upstairs and talk to Mandy, but the bedroom door was closed, probably locked, and he thought that maybe he should wait for her to calm down.
He walked down the stairs, feeling just sad and confused about how, less than 24 hours earlier, he had her in his arms, offering herself to him and making him the happiest man on Earth. She trust him with her life. Why couldn't she believe that what he felt was real? Did she really mean that she trusted him to never hurt her body, but that he could easily hurt her heart? Because by the way she acted, filled with anger and jealousy, he didn't know what else to think. But he felt it was unfair of her to bring out things from when he was a mess, he knew he evolved a lot. And during these last weeks he was doing everything to make her happy and protect her. What could he do about his past now?
He was about to open the front door, to take a walk and unwind, when he glanced at the photo of Bravo Team, with Mandy, Lisa and Blackburn, at The Bulkhead. These were magical times, and even back then Jason was protecting Mandy, wanting to include her in everything, wrapping his arm around her so that she would come closer for the photo. She was part of the team, she saved him so many times, and he saved her many times too. He waited so long for this opportunity to be with her. He was finally happy. It was their first real fight, because the other time they broke up it was just Jason pushing her away. But he saw, now, that he couldn't leave it like that. Leaving all this misunderstandings in the air. He had to tell her the truth, things that were keeping her from trusting him. He once again reminded himself that he should fight as hard outside the wire as he does inside. He decided to not leave that house until he told Mandy everything she had to hear.
...
...
Mandy stayed in her bedroom for more than one hour, and she was calmer. Most of the candles she used the night before were still around the bedroom, in the same spot, and they were mocking her. Not even 24 hours earlier, she was having one of the best nights of her life, and the candles witnessed everything. She went to the bathroom, to unwind, and her eyes were puffy and her cheeks still red, from all the crying. She peed, feeling sorry for herself, and started to regret bringing all those stuff back from the past. But she couldn't hold them back, because it hurt her so much, still. It's not that she thought that Jason would simply cheat on her, it's that she couldn't be sure if he wouldn't suddenly change his mind about her. Again. She felt she couldn't control that. But then she remembered how much he'd been there for her, and all the things he's done to her lately, so much she wanted to make this a great day specially for him. She was feeling like an idiot now, so she decided to check and see if Jason left. Almost certainly yes, he was always filled with adrenaline and hot headed. She unlocked and opened the bedroom door slightly, and walked silently downstairs, and everything was dark. He wasn't anywhere to be found. She stood still, in the dark, for a few seconds, then she sat on the stairs and was already thinking that maybe she was too hard on him and he just gave up on her, and then she was sure he left her, leaving his bag an everything behind. She started to cry and put her hands on her face, trying to stop it, but she couldn't. And it all started because of the text of that woman. She wished she'd never seen it now. She finally calmed down and stood up back again and continued to walk downstairs, so she could lock everything and go back to bed.
"Mandy". Jason called, and Mandy almost jumped. He was at the top of the stairs, in the dark, looking down on her with his eyes filled with tears, because she could see them glimmering in the dark.
"I thought you were gone", Mandy said, and to be honest she couldn't decide if she was annoyed or glad to see him still there. She chose to feel annoyed, and acted upon that, walking down the stairs faster.
"Mandy, wait" he reached her near the TV room, but she didn't stop, so he grabbed her forearm, and still she wouldn't stop and started to slap his arms, "Let go of me, Jason", and he let her go, shocked about her reaction, because he wasn't even using any force to hold her. But she didn't walk away from him.
"What, you're gonna break up with me because you're mad about some shit I did years ago? Because you're jealous? That's ridiculous" he was hurt and desperate, he couldn't believe she would be so ridiculous.
Mandy looked at him, surprised, and her eyes filled with tears again "I never said anything about breaking up. But if that's the kind of person you think I am, then maybe you should leave".
Jason's face almost fell to the floor, and he tried to calm himself and not make things worse. He sat on the sofa, exhaling. "I don't think you're ridiculous. I know I made some shit that made you think I would change my mind about you, but you don't know some other things either. So please, just hear me out, ok?"
He looked up at her, standing close to the front door. He decided he should be direct and elaborate later, because if not, she may kick him out the door.
"When I asked Natalie to go with me to the surgery, it wasn't because I didn't want you anymore. It's because I still wanted you, but I thought you didn't want me. And I was scared about the surgery so, for that, I needed a distraction. And yes, some kind of a nurse. I didn't have the courage or the mental stability to go after you back then. I regret that now, but back then, I was a mess. I really tought you didn't want me, Mandy. I didn't change my mind, I just went the easy way," he stared at her, but he almost couldn't see her face, it was so dark. He needed to see her, so he turned on the light of the lamp beside him. It surprised Mandy. She had her eyes filled with tears, as did he.
"When I went to your room in J-Bad, I was still a mess, actually worse than before, but I didn't go to you for a distraction. I went there because in the middle of all that shit that was going on in my mind, I noticed that I wanted to be with you because you would calm me down, but also because I was so desperate that I was finally able to have the courage to go to you, you know? I got the courage to do what I always wanted to do because I knew everything else was crumbling down. You were one of the only things I knew I really wanted." he swallowed. She was listening with her arms crossed, but at least she was listening. "The next day, I didn't know how you felt about me, and if I would be able to handle a relationship if you wanted me to. I was again a mess, scared of gossips, and of doing or deciding anything, waiting for the deployment to be over so I thought it would be easier for me to think about it. About us. So I pushed you away, treated you like a jerk, yes, and I'm sorry for that."
"I was never in love with Natalie, Mandy. I really liked her, but because she was there for me all the time, obviously I didn't see how manipulative she was, but everyone around me was saying that she was the perfect person to have a serious relationship with, and even though I wasn't in love with her, I thought, hey, if she really is perfect for that, maybe I could try it out with her, and I'll get some balance in my life". He heard loud and clear when Mandy let out an 'argh'.
"You and I were friends, Mandy, we worked together, and I didn't have any clue I would have any chance of something else with you, ok?" Jason said, sincerely. Mandy almost said something, but she changed her mind. He added "I know you didn't say that because you thought I owed you something, but I just wanted to let you know".
Jason stood up, and walked towards Mandy. She took a step back so he stopped. He sighed. "And I don't regret, not even once, meeting you in the hotel in Rehoboth" he said, surprising her. To her, he was admitting that he wanted to hide her there. "I didn't want to hide you there, Mandy", he added, dismissing her thoughts, "but I handled it wrong. I wanted to keep you in a bubble, because I thought that if I never mixed my time with you with my routine, I'd never ruin it. I don't regret booking that hotel for us, because those were some of the best times of my life", his voice was shaky. "I would gladly parade you throughout the whole base, carrying you in my arms, but I was being selfish and wanted to forget everything and live a dream. But when I went to my dad, that day that I pushed you away, I saw how it was an impossible thing to do. Because I couldn't run away from my own demons". He swallowed.
"All of this discussion we just had is from things from our past, that shouldn't even matter by now, but I saw how much they hurt you, and honestly you hurt me back then too. But I don't want you to feel insecure about my feelings for you, or to think that I'll change my mind. So I just wanted to clear things up." Mandy was looking at him with wide eyes, still filled with tears, and arms crossed. "But I don't think I can keep showing you how I feel about you all the time. These last weeks I've done nothing to make you think that I'd want anything more than to be with you, and now it's you that keep shutting me down". Jason passed by her and started to climb the stairs. "This is your house, but I'm not walking out of here any time soon. I'm on my leave and I said what I needed to say".
"Jason" Mandy suddenly said behind him, and he immediately turned to her, in the middle of the stairs, "Thank you for telling me all of this. It really made me understand some things. And I really love everything you've done for me and be forever grateful," she moved her shoulders, as an apologize. He started feeling relief from head to toe, and began climbing down the stairs to come closer to her. She didn't move.
"But I'm not some insecure chick you just started dating" she said with a shaky voice. He was confused again. "I was on my own for too long and it's not easy for me to trust anyone." she swallowed, and came closer to him. "I stood by you when you were having your problems, knowing how much you loathed yourself, even though to me you were amazing" she confessed, and he felt she meant it. "So when you tell me to just switch something off, leave my insecurities behind like that, after all that had happened to me, and between us, all those years, I don't think I can do it. Specially after Burkina Faso" she confessed, and he knew she meant about her kidnapping. "I need you to know that I need time to work on my problems. I don't want to be unfair to you, but I need you to know this because if you don't have the patience, you have every right to leave. And I'd never be mad at you for that. So maybe it's on you to think about what you want now", she was holding back her tears, but one of them rolled down her face, she quickly dried it with her hand. She started to climb up the stairs, because she needed to give him time to think.
But Jason was done with all of that talking, and ran up the stairs, holding her arm to stop her. She almost fell because she wasn't expecting that. He held her waist, preventing her from falling. "No, I don't need time to think about anything" his voice was shaky and he kissed her passionately, pressing her against the stairs wall, leaving her breathless. But she pressed his shirt feeling relieved that he still wanted her. "I want you, Mandy, with any shit you have in your head" he kissed the tears on her face while reaching her panties under her green dress, ripping them out and hurting Mandy's skin. She complained but loved it, and helped him open his jeans and lower his boxers, scratching the skin of his abdomen with her nails. He grabbed her ass and raised her, holding her legs and pressing her against the wall. His shoulder was hurting, and he was balancing his feet on the stairs, but he pushed inside of Mandy so hard and fast that she complained again. He stopped immediately when he thought he hurt her, but she needed the release as bad as he did. "Please Jason, don't stop", she told him with a shaky voice, grabbing his face to look at her, "I want you so bad".
He saw the desire in her eyes and started thrusting inside of her, hard, even though he felt her walls around him so tight, "oh my God, Mandy" he blabbed the words against her lips, and she was moaning back. "Harder" she suddenly grunt to him, and he tried to thrust harder, almost using all of his strength and balance. She pressed her nails on his neck and pulled his hair. "You, you drive me crazy" Jason said to her honestly, and he looked desperate, "I'll never stop wanting you", he kissed her lips. "Is that so" she was teasing him, but with a malicious voice, "Then fuck me harder" she said to his ears, and Jason thought he was going to kill her, "I can't. I can't hurt you".
Mandy then suddenly pushed him away from her, almost making him fall off the stairs, and wobbled up the few steps left to her bedroom, and she was drunk with jealous and desire, "Well the other ones you fucked harder, I bet" she teased him. To the limit. He didn't even think straight before he reached Mandy in front of the bedroom door, dropping her to the floor. "That's all you got?" she smirked, and now he was going insane with desire like he never felt before in his life. He wanted to open her dress but he didn't mind the buttons, so he ripped it with his hands and pushed inside of her again, harder than before, and holding her shoulders in place, and she giggled on his face. "Do it, Jason", she whispered, and he didn't understand and just looked at her, desperate while he was fucking her on the floor, "Fuck me harder" she said, knowing he wasn't using all of his strength yet, and he just kept staring at her, "You're crazy. I'd kill you" he said in his husky voice. "No" she could say between her gasps, "I told you. I trust you with my life. Now fuck me properly, Jason", she said, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He just whispered "Oh, God", asking for forgiveness in advance, and he held her firmly while he pushed her so hard, fast and deep, and finally she moaned, and he heard her moaning again and looked at her, and she was smiling and staring at him, pleading him to not stop, and Jason then continued to fuck her, feeling like he was fucking the tightest, softest and wettest thing he ever fucked, he thought they'd both die at that moment. His moaning and grunting were so loud they echoed on the stairs, and suddenly she screamed and shut her eyes, pressed her nails, and almost broke Jason inside of her; he reached his orgasm too, instantly, and screamed her name because she was all over him. He came inside of her for what felt like forever, and he couldn't breathe, and all this time her walls were wrapping him up. Only a minute later she started to relax around him.
She had her eyes closed and her mouth was slightly open, her legs dropped and her body was soft, and for a second Jason thought he killed her. "Mandy?" he called her, terrified, but she opened her eyes a bit. "Thank you", she whispered, smiling at him with lazy eyes.
"Please don't scare me like that" he said, and he was breathless and almost crying with fear. He kissed her gently on the lips then laid beside her on the floor, trying to catch his breath.
...
They stayed there for a while, silently recovering, then he put his member back inside of his boxers and saw there was some blood in it, just a little, but definitely blood.
"Jesus, Mandy, I hurt you" he rolled to her, she was still laying on the floor, with her dress completely open, half asleep, and she just looked at him serene "You did exactly what I asked you to. I needed this".
He was now concerned for her, how could she feel pleasure while being fucked until she bled? Did something happen to her at Burkina Faso that was worse than Jason thought? He was overwhelmed by their fight, their fuck, and now her blood, and he just couldn't hold his tears. He was sobbing, sitting next to Mandy on the floor, trying to dry his eyes.
She heard him and knelt in front of him, holding his face on her hands "Please Jason, I told you I wanted that. I didn't feel any pain. I might feel soon" she tried to joke about it, but he didn't seem to believe her and stood up, raising her up from the floor too. She got up, confused, and he saw the marks of his fingers on her hips, and closed her ripped dress quickly, wrapping it up. He was shivering and walked into the bedroom, sitting on the bed in silence. Mandy followed him, holding her dress closed.
"What's wrong? Jason please don't feel guilty. I swear I wasn't feeling any pain. I loved it" she smiled at him, but he just glanced at her and got up, walking around the bedroom, anxious.
"I had a dream after we broke up", he started, "I ripped your blue dress and we fucked on the floor, and after that you cried, saying I don't talk about my feelings and that I just wanted you for sex". Jason was trying to explain his concern for her. She was listening, attentively. "You walked out of the room, holding your dress just like that" he pointed at her "and outside those three disgusting terrorists were waiting for you", Jason said, with tears still in his eyes. "To rape you and torture you to death. And I didn't get there in time to save you". Mandy had her green eyes filled with tears, because she understood how this image of her ripped dress was a bit troublesome for him. But he continued "It was my worst nightmare, Mandy. It still is. Since I knew you were kidnapped, I have nightmares like that sometimes". Jason came closer to her. "Please, don't ever make me hurt you. Specially like that. I don't ever want you to feel any pain, Mandy. Please. Promise me" tears were falling from his eyes again, and she hugged him, sinking her face on his neck, feeling his scent that she loved. "I won't, Jason. I promise you. You never hurt me", she raised her face a little, to look him in the eyes "And I swear, nobody ever touched me like that when I was a hostage. I swear to you".
Jason hugged her harder, exhaling with relief. "But you were afraid they would, Mandy. I know you were" he muttered in her hair.
"Yes, I was terrified of it everyday" she muttered on his chest. "Specially in the first day, when they didn't care about who I was or how I could help them" she said in a shaky voice, and Jason swallowed. "But being a friend of Sankara gave me time to talk them out of that. And Sankara defended me against them too. He was a horrible person, but he convinced them to leave me alone. But it was mayhem when they came". Mandy could barely tell the story, she didn't want to relive that.
Jason felt that. "I don't want you to tell me anything you're not ready. I just want you to open up to your therapist, and when you want to, you tell me. Or not. It's not up to me."
"Ok", Mandy agreed.
They stayed quiet for a while, holding each other, until they both were calmer. Mandy looked up at Jason, now smiling at him. "I think we're done with crying for today. What do you think?"
"Yeah" Jason laughed, "or fucking. I'm sore" and he really was, his back and shoulder were killing him.
"Oh, that's sad to hear" she teased him, and he laughed because she was joking. Right?
