Someone to Lean On - Part 2
A/N: As requested, here is an epilogue to the last chapter! :)
—-
Castle tried to pretend that everything was normal the next morning. He showed up early to the precinct with coffee and donuts, handing the sweets around to the other officers while he waited for Beckett to arrive. She wasn't late, but she wasn't as early as he'd expected her to be. Normally on a case like this, she was the first one in and the last one out.
When she finally did arrive, minutes after eight, Castle tried not to stare. She looked… normal. Her hair was in a messy bun and her leather jacket concealed the bandage he knew was wrapped around her forearm. She looked tired, of course, but otherwise… fine.
Except for the fact that she wouldn't meet his eyes. She just sat down at her desk, ignoring him.
Even as he told the whole team (now that Beckett was here) about the paper dolls and what they meant. How he'd learned from Alexis that they were paintings, and likely predictive of the sniper's next kill.
This was huge. He kept looking to Beckett, hoping she'd be pleased, but she only stared down at her keyboard in silence.
His stomach roiled, and he wondered if he'd made a huge mistake.
But eventually, the detective in her couldn't resist. Her interest was finally piqued, and she began to participate in the conversation. So Castle continued, explaining the breakthrough he'd made.
And then, just as he was sure she was about to make eye contact with him, every telephone in the precinct began to ring.
—-
He called out for her, over and over, but Beckett ignored him like she'd been doing all morning.
They were at Grace Point Tower and had just sent Emily Reese off to the hospital when Beckett began to spiral. He could feel it, like a dip in temperature or change in atmospheric pressure. It had grown to be like a sixth sense of his, knowing when Beckett's emotional state bottomed out. (He didn't know what that meant, but it had to mean something.)
He saw her duck into a doorway marked "Employees Only." He thought about last night, how she'd begged him to leave so she could be alone. (But how she'd clung to him, too, and fallen asleep in his arms.) What was he supposed to do, here?
He weighed his options. He could either go after her, or respect her space. Show her that he meant it when he said she wasn't alone, or let her decide for herself what she needed.
He let his gut instinct take over, and his legs sprung him forward.
He found her leaning up against the wall on her forearms, her jacket, gun, and badge in a heap on the floor at her feet. She was breathing so heavily, so raggedly, Castle knew she was having a panic attack.
"Hey, Kate –" he tried to soothe, but a strangled groan escaped Beckett's mouth.
"Go away, Castle," she pleaded, and continued to heave and suck down broken gasps, not looking at him.
"I'm not leaving," he murmured, and placed one hand on her lower back. She whined and moaned through her internal pain, but made no move to shrug off his hand.
Testing the waters, he began to stroke her back in slow, comforting circles. "I'm here…" he whispered, but he wasn't sure she could hear him over her groans. "You're not alone."
And then, as if bubbling over like a pot on a stove, Beckett began to sob. Fat tears streaked down her cheeks as she leaned against him, putting her head awkwardly on his shoulder. Encouraged, though the sight broke his heart, Castle wrapped both arms around Beckett's trembling form.
For the second time in 24 hours, he held her as she cried against him. He tried whispering sweet nothings and words of encouragement against her hair, but he wasn't sure anything he said was being absorbed. Before last night, he'd never once seen Beckett like this; this case was tearing her apart.
After a moment, her knees began to buckle and he lowered them down to the red carpet beneath their feet. He never once let go of her, only clung to her more tightly as they sank down.
"It's going to be okay, Kate. We're going to catch him, I promise."
She shook her head, but said nothing in response. Still, she kept her eyes downcast.
Minutes passed, and finally, after what felt like ages, Beckett started to settle down. She reached up to wipe her face with her hands, and used the sleeve of her shirt to swipe under her nose.
"I'm so sorry, Castle," she whispered, and lowered her forehead to her bent knees. "You shouldn't see me like this."
Castle put a heavy hand on Beckett's shoulder. "Hey. Absolutely not. We're not doing that."
She looked over at him miserably, their faces only inches apart as they sat on the floor. Finally, finally, her golden amber eyes met his. "But I'm –"
"No, Kate. You're not going to apologize to me for anything. You've done nothing wrong. I'm your friend." He rubbed his palm over her back. "I care about you. I –" He wasn't going to say that now. It wasn't the time nor the place. But she seemed to understand, all the same, what he was getting at. Her cheeks grew pink. "You have suffered… tremendously. And I am so sorry for any role I've played in it."
Her forehead crinkled in confusion and she swiped her fingers under her eyes one more time. "You haven't done anything wrong."
Castle shook his head. "I could have stopped this. If I'd have just been faster that day, I could have –"
Beckett leaned forward and quickly pressed her lips to his. It was over as quickly as it started, and the shock of what she'd done reverberated between them like a struck tuning fork. Her eyes widened and her lips parted. If her goal had been to shut him up, it was successful. Castle had no more words left in his mouth.
"I am so lucky to call you my friend, Rick. But please, don't patronize me. You've done nothing wrong. I'm just…" She looked around the hallway and took three deep breaths. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, is all. You've done nothing but be a good friend to me during this case, and I just… I want you to know that I appreciate it, okay? I appreciate you."
She reached out and grabbed his hand, and they sat in silence on the floor until finally Castle cleared his throat, finding his voice. "There is nowhere else I'd rather be, you know."
Beckett nodded, biting her lip. After a moment, she moved to stand. She collected her things from the floor, and Castle stood too. "Come on," she said. "We have a killer to find."
Castle nodded, knowing that though she was calm now, this was far from over. He needed to talk to Esposito, and soon. Javi would know what to do here. How to truly help Beckett get over whatever was causing her to spiral.
And maybe when she was better, when this case was over and everything returned to normal, he'd find the right moment to tell her again.
