Rousing from a restful night of sleep, I turned to press my cheek into the softness of the pillow under my head. I heard 9-E's string of whirs and beeps, no doubt upset that I was late for breakfast. As I willed myself to fall back asleep, I noticed the cramps in my stomach. I guess I do need breakfast.
Sitting up, I flinched at the discomfort in my abdomen. I pressed my hands into my belly as the discomfort grew into a sharp pain. I gasped at the intensity of it. "9-E...something's wrong."
I pulled the sheets back to get myself to—
...Blood?
The sheets were stained with patches of brownish blood. I covered my mouth with my hand as a current of shock ran through me. My mind raced back to the medical officer's warning that there may be small amounts of bleeding in the first trimester of pregnancy. I held my breath as I worked my way to the side of the bed, headache pounding with each heartbeat. After I stood to my feet, I felt a rush of warmth between my legs.
Twin trails of fresh blood ran down my bare legs.
My vision narrowed to a tunnel as I stumbled to the fresher. Dizziness quickly gave way to nausea, and I collapsed in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach. I gagged on the acidic bile in my throat. Gasping in a shallow breath, I yelled, "9-E, call someone!"
The second bout of cramps was so painful that I screamed out in pain. My knees slid on the blood pooling around me, forcing me to catch hold of the rim of the toilet. My breathing came in shallow, ragged pants, and I began to feel extremely lightheaded. I heard a whimper of fear come from the back of my throat. Unable to keep my head up, I rested my forehead on the cold metal in front of me. What's happening to me?
It felt like I was trapped inside a nightmare that I couldn't control.
The medical officer's voice sounded like it was underwater when he pulled my head up to shine a bright light into my eyes. I felt hands lifting my body onto a stretcher—how many people could fit into the tiny refresher? Soon, my gravity was shifted, and I was rocked into a shallow sleep.
White lights shined in my eyes as I blinked the blurriness away. Pain—so much pain—radiated through my entire body. Or was it just my abdomen? People wearing clear face shields stood above me, focusing on some task. I looked into their faces, trying to recognize them. My vision was still too blurry. A bag of bright red liquid hung on a pole above me.
Sharp pain in my stomach caused me to cry out, retracting away from whatever metal tool had caused it. I heard someone say, "Give her another five cc's." After that, I dozed off to sleep again.
The wind whispered against the sand as I lay on my back, watching the blue sky above. The day was warm without being too hot, and the twin suns shined brightly above us. I felt their heat soaking into my skin. For a moment, my eyes slipped shut in contentment.
A sudden weight on my stomach made me let out a surprised laugh. Sitting up, I lifted the toddler onto my lap and bounced him on my knees.
"Did you eat your lunch, little man?" I asked, nuzzling our noses together. His chocolate-colored eyes were full of joy. Glancing at his father, I smiled when I saw him picking at the remnants of our son's picnic lunch. "Looks like your Daddy helped."
He placed the leftovers back into the basket with a guilty smile. As he shifted closer to us on the quilt, his short hair grazed his eyes in the warm breeze. Sensing my gaze, he looked up at me.
When I came to once more, I felt groggy and disoriented. As my vision slowly cleared, I recognized the medbay. Instead of the usual exam room, I lay in a gurney with several blankets covering me. A monitor beeped rhythmically beside the bed. I wiggled my fingers and toes to make sure I wasn't still dreaming.
Movement in my peripheral vision caused me to look to the side of the bed. A medical tech stood there, her brown hair pulled back into a tight braid. She turned away from the monitor to look at me.
"Oh," she said in surprise. She looked over her shoulder and called, "Sir, she's awake."
Someone appeared at the bottom of my bed—it was the medical officer. He wore a grim expression with his hands clasped in front of him. "We're going to keep you here overnight to monitor your vital signs," he said. "We did have to give you some blood, but the procedure itself went well."
Procedure?
My memory trickled back into my mind. The bloody sheets, the painful cramps. I squeezed my eyes shut when I realized what he meant. When I tried to speak, my throat felt like glue. I looked at the medical officer helplessly. "The baby," I mouthed.
"Give yourself some time to recover," the officer advised, smiling sympathetically. He left.
As I stared at the ceiling above me, I felt like a stranger in my own body. The medical tech appeared in my peripheral once more and gave me a sad smile. "Just relax. The medications will wear off soon."
Nodding, I closed my eyes and surrendered to my lethargy.
Hours passed like minutes. Was it a side effect of the medications that they gave me? I could only wonder. Unsure if I had fallen asleep again, I willed myself back to that warm desert scene. Soon after, I realized I was holding something. I instinctively squeezed, and then I recognized it was someone's hand.
Blinking experimentally in the dark medical bay, I glanced down to see a seated figure collapsed on the edge of my bed. His hair was as black as night, and his head was cradled in his arm. His breathing was deep and regular, indicating that he was fast asleep.
A blue screen above my bed illuminated the medbay minimally. It was empty save for the medbot that hovered nearby. I turned my head toward the door, wondering how late into the night cycle it was.
Ren began to stir at the small sound. Then, his head shot up in surprise as though he'd fallen asleep unexpectedly. When he saw me looking at him, he swallowed hard.
"They told me what happened," he rushed out.
My throat felt like sand, so I didn't bother trying to speak. I looked down and rested my hands on my abdomen. It felt different. Empty. And sore.
"How are you feeling?"
I lifted my eyes. Ren was watching me expectantly. "Why do you care...?" I rasped. "I'm nothing to you now."
Confusion washed over his face.
"Which is great," I laughed, wondering if the medication had any lingering effects. My vision suddenly blurred with tears. "It means I can finally...get you...out of my mind," I whimpered.
I heard the breath of a laugh. "Lucia," he breathed incredulously. "You don't understand anything at all."
After blinking my vision clear, I found a deep frown on his face. His hand was on the sheets between us, his fingers digging into them. My eyes went to his.
"You are inside my mind," he told me, eyebrows drawn together. "Tormenting me. Constantly."
I shook my head in confusion. I can't do that.
He suddenly bowed his head, shielding his face from view. A shuddering gasp came out of him. "I'm terrified of how much I..." He choked on his words, and his shoulders trembled. "Against my will, I..." His hand balled into a knuckle-white fist. "I need you," he strained out.
I stared at him in silence.
"I know what I am," he continued, his voice low with control. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but..." His voice hitched in his throat. "By the Force, Lucia," he breathed. "I crave it more than life itself."
Moved by compassion, my hand settled on top of his. I felt a shockwave run through his body at the contact. Suddenly, my mind filled with shadowy images and intense feelings.
In Snoke's throneroom, I felt his fear. It gave him the strength to strike down his enemy. I will finish what you started. During his fight with Skywalker, I felt his anger. It was just another trick from his so-called family. I will never return to the Light. Upon discovering my treason, I felt his hatred. For the monster inside of him that caused it, and for the angel that brought this pain. She will never forgive me. After the loss of his first child, I felt his despair. Gone was the chance at a fresh start with a family who loved him. A family I love.
The entire bed shook with the force of his sob. I felt his tears soak into the sheet covering my lap as he desperately clung to my torso. Lips trembling, I reached for the back of his head.
"You love me?" I heard my voice say.
I felt something foreign push its way into my chest—a feeling so warm and intense that it took my breath away. My mouth opened in shock.
By the stars, he loves me.
