It seems like you've provided a string of disjointed phrases and references, including lines from "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe, along with other random statements.
Once upon a time, in good ol' Dallas, Texas, there be bunch of us playin Among Us on the Wii U. We havin' a blast, you know, cause we all into that. But then somethin' strange happened y'all.
There this gal, call her Raven, she was all flirty, sittin' there on the couch, still sittin', still sittin, not movin much. And she kept lookin' at me with them eyes, like a demon dreamin' or somethin'.
Then, outta nowhere, Shrek comes in, throwin' his big ol' shadow everywhere. It was dark, real dark, like my thoughts babout was happenin'. But then, somethin' even weirder went down.
Raven, she starts talkin' all funny, sayin' stuff babout among us sexcapades and whatnot. And I'm just sittin' there sittin, tryna figure out what the heck she's on 'bout.
Next thing I know, she's grabbin' me, talkin 'bout how she got my dick now, and I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, ain't nothin' happenin here!" But she just keeps goin' on 'bout diapers and podcasts and whatever else.
I'm startin' to feel like I'm in one of them horror stories, like "The Raven" or somethin'. And then she goes and says, "Pershob!" Like, what even is that?
Anyway, long story short, I high-tail it outta there, leavin' Raven and her weird talkin' ass behind. Ain't no way I'm stickin' 'round for that mess. And that, my friends, is the tale of the Among Us sexcapades gone wrong.
In the heart of a pbusty city stood a building. Among them was a man named Arthur Morgan, whose world was about to be turned upside down by the discovery of a peculiar device - a universal remote.
Part toonis
Once upon a time, in a land not too far away, there was this Raven, right? And this Raven, he was all like, "Yo, we gotta destroy what we love, man." And then Merlin, you know, that wizard dude, he goes, "Wait, can you really kill what you love?"
And the Raven's like, "Nah, bro, but we gotta do it anyways." And Merlin's like, "You think it's impossible, dude?" And the Raven's all like, "Yeah, man, 'cause our thoughts and feelings are like all over the place, like birds in trees, you know?"
Then Merlin's like, "So, you're saying the King should bite the dust?" And the Raven's like, "Nah, man, I'm just saying we gotta do what we gotta do."
But then suddenly, there's talk about Black Ops 3, Nuketown, and Crystal Stritch LAN. Like, what's up with that, right? And then they start talking about pinatas, Nuketown replicas on the beach, and trigger crab bucklers. Like, who even invited the crabs to this conversation, man?
And then, bam! Nuketown Zombies and sickled greens pop into the mix. It's like a party gone wild, with countless sickles and greens everywhere. And then someone's like, "Yo, how do we get all them Nuketown 2016 items?" And they're like, "Bro, you gotta complete every stage in Nuketown without biting the dust, ya feel me?"
And then, out of the blue, the Raven's like, "Nevermore," dropping some fire poetry amidst all this chaos. And suddenly, they talkin about Illuminati and religion. Like, where did that even come from? Are the Illuminati throwing a party in Nuketown or what?
And that, my friend, is the tale of the Raven, Merlin, and the wild ride through Nuketown and beyond.
Part foonis (Neilton)
So, there's this dude, Neil, right? He's all like, "Yo, I'm gonna be Yoru in Valorant, gonna wreck some noobs." But guess what? Every time he peeks an angle, bam! He's dead. Like, seriously, dude, what are you doing?
Neil's like, "I got this, gonna be sneaky." But nah, man, he's about as sneaky as a herd of elephants wearing tap shoes. Every corner he turns, there's some enemy waiting to blast him into next week.
And Neil's like, "But I'm Yoru, I'm supposed to be all cool and stuff." Yeah, well, cool ain't gonna save you from dyin first every round bro. He tries to do those fancy teleport moves, but ends up teleporting straight into enemy fire.
But you know what's weirder? Despite dying left and right, Neil keeps coming back for more and spending money in the item shop. It's like he's addicted to the punishment or something. "One more game," he says, as he queues up for another round.
Part seenis (Jjjjacob)
Alright, so there's this dude named Jacob, right? He's like, "Ugh, Destiny 2, why do I even bother?"
But guess what? Jacob's in the middle of doing the Leviathan raid, even though he hates the game. He's like, "This raid is longer than a giraffe's neck, and twice as frustrating!"
He's trudging through the raid, complaining every step of the way. "This pay-to-win model is worse than trying to climb a mountain covered in butter!" he shouts.
And don't even get him started on the Crucible. "It's like trying to wrestle a herd of angry hippos in a kiddie pool!" he grumbles.
But despite all his griping, Jacob keeps playing. It's like he's stuck in a loop, unable to break free from the clutches of Destiny 2. "One more raid," he mutters, as he loads into yet another match.
Part weenis (Leviathan)
Levi, right? He's all pumped up to play some ranked Overwatch. He's like, "Yeah, gonna climb those ranks"
But guess what? Every time Levi queues up, he gets stuck with the worst teammates ever. Like, seriously, they couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if their lives depended on it.
Levi's playing his heart out, trying to carry his team on his back, but it's like trying to carry a bunch of drunk walruses through a maze. They're just stumbling around, shooting at nothing, and falling off cliffs.
Levi's teammates are all like, "Yo, Levi, why you so bad? You're worse than a one-legged squirrel trying to climb a tree!"
But Levi ain't taking none of that. He's like, "Hey, at least I'm not as useless as a screen door on a submarine!"
And it just goes back and forth, insults flying faster than a flock of angry seagulls.
But hey, in the end, it's just a game, right? Levi may not always win, but he sure knows how to turn a dumpster fire into a laugh riot. And who knows, maybe one day he'll find a team that's not as dysfunctional as a three-legged race at a one-legged convention.
Part Beenis (Bertner)
this dude named Bailey, right? He's all like, "Gonna escape silver in Valorant, gonna climb"
But, oh boy, luck ain't on Bailey's side. Every game he's in, he's pulling off moves smoother than a butter-coated penguin sliding down an iceberg. He's snagging that Match MVP title.
his teammates? They're more lost than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. They're shooting walls, running into their own smokes, you name it. It's like herding cats with a spaghetti noodle.
And the losses keep piling up, like a stack of pancakes in a Waffle House on a Sunday morning. Bailey's scratching his head, he shouts into the void.
"Maybe next game," Bailey says with a sigh, as he queues up for yet another round of Valorant. Because hey, even if he's stuck in silver hell, at least he's making some killer plays along the way.
Part deenis (FIFA)
As Preston played FIFA with all the grace of a drunken elephant on roller skates, he'd curse and moan about every missed goal and misplaced pass. "I'd have better luck teaching a goldfish to tap dance!"
But despite Preston's protests, he couldn't help but be drawn back to the game, like a moth to the flame or a squirrel to a particularly enticing acorn. And through it all, DUCKY
"I'm really burpy today from all the poop"
