Maria Takarada lay in her bed, clutching her large Ren doll that Kyoko had made for her to her chest. Her cheeks were rosy with fever, and her nose was stuffed from her cold. She had been sick for a couple of days, and found little comfort in the things that normally made her happy. Her curse materials lay in the corner of the room, abandoned, her Jeanne d'Arc accessories lined up neatly on the shelves in her walk-in closet, untouched.
She whimpered and cuddled her Ren closer when there was a knock at the door. "Come in," she croaked through her scratchy throat.
Lory entered, shut the door behind him and crossed the room. He put the back of his hand to her forehead. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"
She sniffled. "Not good, Jiji."
He smiled down at her in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that. I thought I might come up here to your room and read a book to you, if you want."
Maria frowned. "I don't know if I'm in the mood for a book right now. What's it about?"
Lory settled into a chair beside the bed. "Everything. True love, revenge, pirates, giants, swordfights, castles. My grandfather used to read it to me, and his grandfather read it to him when he was sick."
Maria sat up a bit, fluffed her pillows up behind her, and settled back down. "I guess I can try to stay awake."
He smiled, cracked the book open, and pulled a pair of R'Mandy reading glasses out of his pocket. He perched them on his nose and studied the first page. "Let's see…"
Our tale begins on a small farm in the countryside of the kingdom of Akatoki. Ren, the owner of the farm, was on his morning ride around the property. He checked on his livestock every morning, and rode around the perimeter fence to check for holes. His parents had passed, leaving him alone to run the farm. Finding that the job was a bit too much for one person to handle, he had taken on a new farmhand, Kyoko.
He had been apprehensive about hiring a woman to do work for him at first, but found her more than capable of handling everything around the farm. She took care of his small flock of sheep and chickens, mucked out his stables, and cleaned his house without complaint. The only words she ever really said in reply to his various orders were, "As you wish."
Ren rode up to the stable and dismounted. Kyoko was in the middle of putting feed in the trough when he addressed her. "Farmgirl. Polish my saddle. I want to be able to see my reflection in it tomorrow morning."
She nodded, her cheeks pink. "As you wish."
He swallowed hard and left to go into the house and fix his lunch. He had meant for her to simply be a hired hand, but the quiet girl intrigued him. It did not help that she was beautiful. Her short chestnut hair blew around her shoulders as she worked, and her golden eyes sparkled in the light when she smiled. They reminded Ren of the first rays of sun that would peek over the hills in the distance every morning. He shook his head to get rid of the thought as he prepared his meal. You don't have time for women, Ren, he thought. You have a farm to run, and that is enough.
But it wasn't enough. Months went by, and she continued to grow on him. He found himself asking her for help with tasks that he could handle by himself only so she would be close to him. On many occasions, he found himself putting his hands under his armpits so he would not reach out to touch her hair or caress her cheek. He was scared to do anything of the kind; if she left, he would have nothing.
One day, she was helping him to repair a fence. "Kyoko, give me those nails. Please?" His orders had gained a 'please' at the end. He had regretted, bitterly, being gruff with her when he had first hired her on. She bit her lip and offered him a palmful of nails.
"...As you wish."
Their eyes met as his fingertips grazed her palm, and time seemed to freeze. He realized at that moment that when she said, "As you wish," what she really meant was, "I love you." Though it surprised him, even more surprising was the realization that he loved her back.
That night, he was standing in the kitchen. Kyoko came in the back door and peeled her boots off so as not to track mud all over the house. Her routine was always the same. At the end of the night, she would come into the house, announce to him that her chores were done, and then she would put her boots back on and go home. He knew that, somehow, he needed to keep her there just a little longer. Forever, if he could.
"Tsuruga-san, I've finished my chores for the day."
He turned to her and nodded. He looked around the room, and his eyes settled on a rack above the fireplace. "Kyoko," he said, "Will you get that pan down for me?"
Her cheeks pinkened just slightly. "As you wish."
She crossed the room to get a chair. Ren felt so guilty; at well over six feet tall, he could have reached the pan easily. He watched her drag the chair over in front of the fireplace. She stood on it and reached for the pan… and a rear leg snapped.
Kyoko fell off of the chair with a cry of surprise and landed hard. Her eyes were shut tight. How badly am I hurt?, she thought. When she opened them, she found that the hard surface beneath her was not, in fact, the floor. Her cheek was pressed against the hard, flat plane of Ren's chest. His arms were wrapped around her to protect her from being hurt.
She sat up on top of him, and his hand went to her cheek. "Are you okay?", he asked, his voice shaking. When she saw his eyebrows knitted together in concern, and his eyes filled with fear, she leaned over him and kissed him on the lips.
Their relationship blossomed from there. They spent more time together, though Kyoko refused to sleep over at his house because they weren't married, and what would the neighbors (who lived miles away) think? Ren felt that there was only one way to remedy that situation. One afternoon, as they had a picnic in a nearby meadow, Ren got down on one knee.
"Kyoko, will you marry me?" Kyoko looked down at him and frowned. His eyes went wide, and he hastily stuffed the simple golden band back into his pocket. "I-I'm sorry! It's too soon, isn't it? Forget I said anything!"
She shook her head and took his hands in hers. "It's not that. I want to see the world before we are married. I want to achieve something, do something of note before I settle down. I had planned to use the money from working for you to do so eventually, but now…"
He sighed with relief. "So it's not me. You just want to travel."
She nodded. "Yes. I hadn't intended on falling in love with you, but I don't want to change my plans."
Ren smiled up at her. "Nor would I want you to." They hugged, and Ren frowned. "But," he started, "What if something happens to you?"
Kyoko pulled back so she could look into his eyes. "We have true love, Ren. I will always come for you. Wait for me."
Kyoko left the following day. Ren did his best to get along without her, though he worried about her daily. It was only a few weeks after she left when a message arrived by horse.
Kyoko's ship had been taken by The Dread Pirate Setsuka, and there were no survivors.
Five years passed. In those five years, Ren did his best to move on. His heart hardened, and his farm fell into disrepair. A messenger from the King of Akatoki came to his farm and summoned him to the palace. It was there that he was made a special offer; marriage to the Prince of Akatoki, HumperSho. Upon asking why they would want to marry their prince off to a farmer, he was told that the old king's dementia was getting bad, to not question it, and to simply reap the benefits.
He was introduced to the people of the land as their future King Consort, and given the style of Prince until the wedding could take place. Prince HumperSho, as unfortunately-named as he was, showed him a great deal of kindness. He took him hunting, and Ren had to admire the man's skill. He was a great tracker, and was adept at hunting with a falcon. The Prince also allowed Ren to continue going on his morning rides, one of the only things that gave him comfort.
On one such ride, Ren was taking his horse through a forest near the castle. He was enjoying the wind whipping through his dark hair, and breathing in the fresh air. He always thought of Kyoko on these rides, and how they would ride together through the countryside. She had told him to wait for her, and he had, for some time. He couldn't bring himself to believe that she was actually dead for a couple of years. He realized, after a drunken bender, that if she were alive, she'd have come back for him. And that was when he had given up.
A group of men appeared on the path before him, and Ren pulled on his reins to get the horse to stop. "May I help you, gentlemen?"
They were comprised of an abnormally tall, skinny man in a trenchcoat, a surly-looking dark-haired man with a gleaming sword on his hip, and the leader of the group, a short man with short light brown hair and glasses, who bowed to him. "Excuse us, sir. We are circus travelers, looking for an inn. Could you point us in the direction of one nearby?"
Ren smiled. "I'm sorry, sirs, but there isn't an inn anywhere for several miles."
The tall man in the trenchcoat wobbled forward and grabbed the reins of Ren's horse, while a sneer appeared on the face of the man in the glasses. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream."
Ren jumped off of the horse and attempted to run, but was tackled from behind by the tall man. He struggled against his grip, his face in the dirt. He felt several hands grabbing him in several places and raised an eyebrow. I thought it was just one guy!, he thought, confused. They tied his hands together. Ren managed to flip onto his back and slam his feet into the middle of the man's belly. There was a crunch and a scream.
"Shinichi! Are you okay!?"
The trenchcoat fell away to reveal three men, up on each other's shoulders. The middle man held his hand over his nose, blood pouring from beneath it. Ren struggled to his feet, but soon found himself at swordpoint. He looked up at the dark-haired swordsman, who smirked at him.
"Don't test me, Prince's Pet."
Ren looked at the tip of his blade and tried to think of a way out of this conundrum. When he couldn't come up with one, he sighed and hung his head. Fuck.
They threw him into the back of their cart and drove away. A few hours later, they arrived at a dock where they had moored a small ship. They dragged him out of the back of the cart. "Yashiro, where do you want him?," asked one of the trenchcoat men.
The man with the glasses shrugged. "Just put him by the railing. We need to get out of here before the Prince notices he's gone. L'me wants this done quickly. They want their war."
"Wouldn't it make more sense to put him below deck?," asked the swordsman. Yashiro narrowed his eyes on him. "I was hired for this job because I am smarter than you, Koga. Put him by the rail like I asked!"
Koga and one of the trenchcoat men carried Ren onto the ship. Koga turned to the man. "Hikaru, Yashiro is kind of a dick."
Hikaru chuckled. "Yes. He's a bit of a prick."
Koga smirked. "Maybe he's not that bad."
Hikaru nodded. "Maybe he's just sad."
The swordsman laughed. "You've got a gift for rhyme."
Hikaru shrugged. "Some of the time."
Yashiro bristled from his spot by the wheel. "Enough of that!"
The other trenchcoat men had pulled up the mooring lines and the ship began drifting into the sea. Ren stared out at the trees. He hadn't been keen on marrying Prince HumperSho, but he knew that at least the man meant him no harm, right? He looked around at the men on the ship. The man in the glasses was obviously the brains of the operation. The swordsman wasn't the smartest, but certainly wasn't the dumbest, either. The three guys in the trench coat… Ren wasn't sure what to make of them. What was the point of having three of them in a trenchcoat? Why didn't they all just have their own coats? They didn't even seem to have that great of balance, either.
"Hey, Yuusei, are there any rocks ahead?"
"If there are, we'll all be dead."
Yashiro made a strangled noise of frustration. "That's enough! I mean it!"
Hikaru reached into his pocket. "Anybody want a peanut?"
They sailed for a couple of hours without stopping. Night fell, and the only light came from the moon and a couple of lanterns onboard. Ren hoped that the Prince would be able to locate him soon and get him away from the mercenaries. At least if they do kill me, he thought, I'll see Kyoko again.
"Hey, Yashiro? You're sure we weren't followed, right?," said Shinichi from the back of the boat. His nose was swollen and crushed from Ren's kick earlier, so his voice came out sounding dumb.
Yashiro sighed and took his glasses off to clean them. "YES, I am sure we weren't followed! No one knows we're out here! The plan went off without a hitch. Why do you ask?"
Shinichi shrugged. "No reason. I just looked back there and saw a ship is all."
Yashiro's eyes went wide and he ran to the back of the ship to look out over the railing. "A ship!? INCONCEIVABLE!"
Ren took his chance and leapt into the water. Yashiro called after him. "You idiot! What are you doing!? This part of the sea is infested with eels!" He slapped Koga on the back. "Get to the wheel and follow him!"
Ren swam like mad for the ship behind them. And then he heard what sounded like shrieking coming from under the waves. Yashiro saw the look of panic on his face in the lantern light and nodded. "See!? Told you. Eels. Now, you can either take your chances out there with the eels, or you can come back here!" A large, green and blue ridged fin broke the surface of the water and made its way toward Ren. He froze.
"It's okay, he's going to live."
Maria looked up at her grandfather. "Huh?"
He smiled at her. "You looked concerned, so I just wanted to let you know that he's going to live."
Her cheeks reddened, and not from her fever. "I figured that he wouldn't die this early on, Jiji. I'm not stupid."
Lory chuckled. "No. No, you certainly are not, dearest." He looked back down at the page, "Now, where were we?"
Hikaru of the trenchcoat trio reached out and cut the eel's head off with Koga's sword. The animal's body bobbed on the water as it filled with blood, and then Hikaru and Shinichi grabbed Ren and pulled him aboard. Yashiro tsked at him. "Bet you won't try that again," he said, triumphant. He looked back at the ship in the distance. He took a breath. "It's fine. I bet they're just sailing the same way as us. They'll probably turn in a different direction soon and disappear. They're not following us, they couldn't be."
But it was. The ship continued to follow them through the night, gaining on them as it did so. At daybreak, Yashiro pointed ahead. "There they are! The Cliffs of Psychosis! We'll be there in no time!"
The large gray and white rocky cliffside loomed in the distance. As they sailed toward it, Ren blinked. He didn't understand how they were supposed to go up the cliffside. He realized quickly that the other men he was with were complete idiots. And that he had been captured by idiots. Which… made him an idiot. Fuck, he thought again.
They brought the ship directly beside the cliffs, and Yashiro began to laugh. "He'll never make it up the cliffside alone! He's going to have to go around and find somewhere to dock!"
Ren raised an eyebrow and stared at him. And just how the fuck do you intend that we're all getting up the cliffside? he thought.
The trenchcoat guys formed one large trenchcoat guy again, and Koga and Yashiro lashed Ren to their back, and then climbed aboard themselves. As they began to scale a rope that hung down from the top of the cliffs, Ren closed his eyes tight. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. The human centipede is going to drop me. I'm. Going. To. DIE.
A few minutes into the climb, Koga looked down and frowned. "Uh, Yashiro? That guy is climbing after us."
Yashiro looked down to find a black-clad figure beginning to scale the rope behind them. "INCONCEIVABLE!" he said again. "There's no way he can make it all the way up here!"
Koga looked down again and smirked. "That's a she, Yashiro. I can see her boo–"
Yashiro smacked the back of his head. "Whatever! Focus on the task at hand!"
When they made it to the top, Ren was relieved. He had no idea how the human centipede had carried three people and scaled the cliffside, but he was thankful that they hadn't fallen. Yashiro rushed over to a stone ruin where the rope had been tied and began to saw through it with a dagger. See the bitch make it up here without a rope! he thought, grinning madly. The first braid snapped, then the second. He kept sawing, hoping against hope that the mysterious woman in black wouldn't make it to the top of the cliff before he did so. The final braid snapped and the rope slid over the cliffside and disappeared. Yashiro ran to the cliffside to watch the woman fall, but when he saw her clinging to the rocks only about 30 feet below, he stamped his foot. "She didn't fall!? INCONCEIVABLE!"
Koga appeared next to him. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Yashiro wheeled on him. "You! You stay here and make sure she doesn't leave here alive. We're going to go on ahead. We have to get him to L'me and kill him. Meet me back in the Thieves' Forest."
Koga unsheathed his sword. "I think I'll fight her with my left hand. It's over too quickly with my right."
Yashiro rolled his eyes. "Whatever, just get it done!"
Koga watched Yashiro and the trenchcoat gang lead Ren away into the distance and then turned his attention to the cliffside. The woman in black was still clinging to the rockface below.
"Hello!" he yelled. "It's impressive that you haven't fallen yet!"
"Thanks!" she called back up to him.
He paced around for a moment and then looked back down at her. "Do you think you could hurry it up? I hate to wait."
She looked up at him, incredulous. "You know, it might go faster if you threw me a rope or something."
"Would you take a rope from someone who's waiting for you to climb up so he can kill you?"
She rolled her eyes. "I guess you're just going to have to wait, then."
He looked suddenly serious. "I swear on the soul of my father that you will reach the top of this cliff alive."
She hadn't been expecting that. After a small pause, she sighed. "Throw me the rope."
This whole damned story is pretty much a love letter to everyone in the Discord who has supported me through the last 8 or so months. Long story short, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease, had a cancer scare related to it, was NOT in a good place, and am still recovering. But, all my fucking ladies in the Discord had my back, and made me feel so much better about the whole thing, and kept me laughing with their stories, and just themselves in general. So, for listening to my whining, for sharing my pain (several of them ALSO HAVE HASHIMOTO'S, WHAT THE FUCK!?) and just generally being understanding of me being a mopey shitpile for months, I love you all, I appreciate you all. You guys asked for this. Be very, very careful what you wish for. You might just get it all... in ways you weren't expecting. - BOTHECHICKEN
