#011. 2004年7月24日 {Yagami Sayu}
You wake up after midnight. Downstairs is the quiet murmur of conversation, the lamps lit. You feel cold when you slide out of bed and creep to the top of the stairs, wonder if it's a dream, the sound of your dad's voice. But it's not. He's back—
You tumble down the stairs at a run, nearly tripping in your excitement, and it's true, here he is, sitting with mom on the couch, and when he looks over at you his face brightens and he gives a rolling chuckle as you launch yourself into his arms. "Otōsan, I missed you so much—"
"Oh Sayu, my sweet girl. I missed you too."
"Where's onichan? Is he coming home now too? Did he solve the case?"
Mom makes a sharp disapproving noise, and dad looks at you forbiddingly, but their censure can't touch you. Sleep-drunk and silly, you try to explain: "no, you don't have to pretend. I figured it out. Onichan was working with you guys on the case. I won't ask for details, I know that's top secret and all…" you trail off, noticing belatedly how stiff and uncomfortable the silence is, and you look at your hands.
"That's not what happened."
Dad wouldn't lie to you. He might keep things close, but—
Your eyes widen, your brain buzzes with cold fear. "But I checked at Todai. He dropped out… if he's not helping the investigation then why did he do that?"
"He went to live with Amane Misa," dad says heavily. "We've been over this."
"But—but no, that doesn't make sense… maybe he got kidnapped or something… you haven't talked to him since May, either… what if he's not okay…"
"Sayu, breathe," mom says. She puts her hand on your back, rubs in soothing circles and there's tears in your eyes, ugly sobs ripping from your throat.
"Sayu, get ahold of yourself," dad says sharply, and you wipe your eyes and sniffle, sitting up a little straighter.
Sorry dad, you say numbly. Are you sure he's okay, though. It's not like him. He wouldn't skip out on school.
"I've spoken with him," dad says. "I've spoken with Matsuda. He knew where Light was living, and I talked—through the phone. Light's fine." His face is grey; the words sound hollow.
You really talked with him?
"Yes. But he wasn't prepared to come home. He and Amane are… are very serious about each other," dad says, as though it strangles him.
But why? you ask.
"Sometimes people make choices you don't agree with."
Not Light, you think. He would have a reason. He always has a reason.
You don't say anything. But your thoughts move quickly, rushing: he wouldn't drop out of school out of love. He knows what he wants. You try to imagine him staying with Misa-Misa, meeting other supermodels, smiling his practiced charming smile. For what? He could depend on her income, but he wouldn't tie himself to her like that. What if he got tired of her? Light always gets tired of the girls he dates. He doesn't tell anyone that, but you know. He'd never even planned to get married.
He'd always figured becoming head of the NPA would kind of make up for that flaw.
Unless… unless… she was pregnant or something…
"Oh."
You stand up. "Sorry, I'm a little tired. I'm gonna get a glass of water and then go to bed. I'm glad you're home, otōsan."
You go into the kitchen, fill a cup. Climb up the stairs.
Were you wrong this whole time? Putting together pieces of information to fit what you wanted to be true, instead of looking clear-eyed at the facts? You creak open the doorway into Light's emptied-out room and slide inside, shutting the door quietly behind you.
Of course it makes more sense that Light made a mistake. That he slipped up just once and now he has to live with the consequences.
He's a kid, not a police officer. He's helped with cases before, but—this is Kira. Dad would never let him get close to that, no one would. You take a sip of water, let it run cold down your parched throat, and then set the glass down beside you, leaving a ring on the bare floor. You wrap your arms around your bent knees and whisper fiercely, "I don't care. Light, I don't care if you're just another screw-up like the rest of us. You're my brother."
Come home.
.
.
.
