A/N: CW for discussion of past torture - very brief descriptions already touched on in earlier chapters.
Also, beesbies are basically just Space Leeches. I made them up, but in case my descriptions aren't obvious enough...that's what I was envisioning.
Leia had experienced crushes before, and she was fairly certain that nearly anything she had dealt with before, she could deal with again. Kier had been her only real boyfriend, and, yes, she had sworn off of love after his death in favor of focusing solely on the Alliance. But that didn't mean she hadn't noticed anyone else: a fellow young senator who likely barely knew she existed at the time; a diplomat from a Mid-Rim planet she had visited with aid after a natural disaster; she had even developed a short-lived preoccupation with Wedge when he first joined the Alliance. Wedge had either been clueless or pretended to be, which, considering she had been seventeen at the time, was likely all he could have done without making things weird. Her infatuation had passed pretty quickly, and it didn't affect her current friendship with him at all.
It had happened with Wedge; it could happen with Han.
Damn Corellians, Leia thought bitterly, more annoyed with herself than anyone else. The men she had been interested in weren't all Corellian, but two out of five over the course of five years was an unlikely ratio considering the sheer number of beings she had encountered in that time. Blaming the entire planet of Corellia seemed a logical enough conclusion.
Leia at least had time before she would need to be around Han regularly to let whatever had caused her to half lose her mind during his unexpected visit die a natural death. She hadn't purposefully tried to rid herself of a crush before; they had all just stopped naturally as she busied herself more and more with her Alliance work and diplomatic missions. Leia imagined if she did the same thing this time, she would get the same results.
Except more and more of her Alliance work began to involve Han. Not always directly; he was still contracted to ferry the pathfinders around for a couple more months. But they were close enough to his contract ending that it seemed prudent to start dividing her list of needed supplies into items she might be able to get ahold of with existing contacts and items she would need one of Han's black market contacts to procure, which meant sending him a barrage of messages any time he indicated it was safe for her to do so.
Shara arrived back on Saijo to stay shortly after the almost-crash-landing that had occurred on the anniversary of Alderaan's destruction. Her A-wing had been left aboard Home One just in case they had to move again before she returned to the Alliance, so she had to collect the ship herself. Leia was glad to have her back.
She didn't tell Shara about her unwanted and unsolicited interest in Han. She thought admitting to it out loud might only strengthen it, like giving a suffocating flame access to air. She paid careful attention to when she brought him up versus when he was mentioned by someone else, striving to maintain a relatively average ratio, which was, she assured herself, a completely normal and rational thing to do given the circumstances.
There were plenty of non-Han things to focus on, anyway, such as reintegrating herself with the outpost personnel. Leia had always felt a little separated from them by design — as she had told Carlist, nurturing close relationships with those she was intended to help lead was complicated at best. Appearing aloof wasn't desirable, either, though, and Leia found herself in a less-than-ideal situation when the pilots continuously asked if she wanted to accompany them to the river for a swim in the nearby river during their off hours.
Wedge and Shara stopped asking after the fourth invitation she turned down, but Luke was more difficult to deter. He pulled her aside as she disposed of her trash from the evening meal the night before another river trip, and gave her a knowing look.
"I think I know why you're avoiding the river," he said.
Leia's heart leapt into her throat, and she glanced back at the pilots tables, wondering if Wedge or Shara had betrayed her confidence. They wouldn't, she assured herself before focusing again on Luke. There would be absolutely no reason to share information about the scars with Luke. "Oh?"
He nodded and leaned toward her slightly, lowering his voice. "It's okay," he said. "I get it. I only learned to swim last year. Tycho and Wedge had to teach me. They weren't mean about it, though."
Leia arched a brow. "I know how to swim, Luke. I'm actually a very strong swimmer."
"Oh." He deflated slightly and squinted at her, his curiosity piqued. "Do you just not like it?"
She could lie and be done with the topic, but lying to Luke about it felt wrong. "No, I like swimming," she admitted.
He scrunched his brows together in concern and looked in the direction of the pilots. "Is it…us, then? Did someone do something?"
Leia's chest ached, the confession clawing at her insides to escape. She pursed her lips and shook her head. Not today. "No one did anything, Luke."
"It just seems like you keep avoiding us during off hours."
Only because you keep going to the river during off hours.
She hesitated. She knew no one would care if she went to the river covered from collarbone to ankle if she chose; she just found the idea of wearing soaked, full-coverage clothing to be physically uncomfortable, and the trips to the river were not enticing enough to make the discomfort worth it.
Luke was worth it, though. He was her friend, after all, seemingly without condition. Leia sighed softly. "Okay, I'll go with you tomorrow," she agreed.
Luke grinned triumphantly and patted her shoulder. "Great! We're heading out right after lunch."
The group that visited the river was made up of the Rogues and a handful of ground crew and infantry who were off-the-clock. Luke and Tycho warned Leia of the bright blue parasitic worms that had been found in the river, creatures Wes had named "bloodsucking bastards". Leia was very aware of the insects, though she had heard them referred to as "beesbies" more often than anything else, and promised to keep an eye out for them.
"They're way harder to remove if they've had time to really clamp down on your skin," Tycho said. "Couple of us had to go to med the first time we went swimming because we didn't know to look for them, and after about ten minutes, you can't just pull them off without tearing your skin."
Leia shuddered. "How does med handle them?" she asked. She knew the insects weren't deadly, and that their medical personnel had experimented with a few methods, but she hadn't asked for many details.
"They take a syringe of saline, slide it between the beesby's teeth and your skin, and flood its mouth until it releases you," Samoc Farr, Toryn's sister and the newest transfer to the Rogue Squadron, said. She demonstrated pushing on an imaginary syringe plunger with her thumb. "That causes the least amount of damage and appears to lessen chances of infection when compared to any other method they've tried."
Another shudder went through Leia's body, this time at the thought of the syringe.
"It's best to just remove them as soon as you notice them if you can," Luke said.
Leia wore shorts and a short-sleeved t-shirt over a compression tank to swim. The river was cool and refreshing in the midday sun, and Leia enjoyed both the activity and the company as the group splashed in the lazy current. After more than an hour spent in the water, she challenged Wedge, Hobbie, and Tycho to a race, swimming several dozen meters across the river and back, and coming in second to Tycho.
"Told you I could swim," she said as she approached Luke, who greeted her with a grin upon her return to the group.
"You're pretty fast!" he said cheerfully. His eyes dropped to her bicep and narrowed. "Ugh, hold still, Leia." Luke removed a large, blue worm from right beneath Leia's left sleeve and grimaced at it before hurling it back into the water.
"Think we swam through a swarm," Tycho yelled as he and Wedge moved as quickly as possible to the shore. Leia noticed at least a dozen bright blue streaks on each of their backs.
Suddenly feeling as if every centim of her skin teemed with bugs, Leia looked to Luke in alarm. He wrinkled his nose and pulled another beesby from the side of her neck before jerking his head toward the riverbank. "C'mon, I'll help you find them all."
Luke spoke so calmly, Leia had to wonder just how often someone swam through a swarm of beesbies. She had to admit, though, his lack of a reaction kept her unease at bay — at least until they emerged from the river and Leia realized she'd probably need to at least remove her outermost layer.
She considered her options: let Luke see her shoulders and possibly portions of her back or make the ten-minute trek to med and undoubtedly be forced to allow a syringe near her skin. She looked around for Wedge, the only person at the river that day who had previously seen her scars, but he was busy having Tycho yank beesbies from his own back.
"Organa get got?" Wes asked as they stopped in ankle-high water.
"Yeah," Luke said. "Leia, turn around. I think I saw a some lumps under your shirt."
Heart racing, Leia turned her back to Luke, closing her eyes as she became untethered from her body.
"Leia?" Luke asked trepidatiously. "I think you've got a few on your back under…Do you want me to get Samoc?"
She shook her head. Samoc was a woman, sure, but Samoc was also a near-stranger. If Shara were there…but Green Squadron was on duty and running drills that afternoon.
"Where are they?" she asked.
"Couple on your shoulders from what I can tell," Luke said. "There might be more. It's hard to say."
Leia nodded and braced herself for their reaction as she pulled her t-shirt over her head, leaving behind her compression tank and apparently several beesbies.
Luke didn't react in any particular way other than to gingerly remove a beesby from her shoulder and toss it back into the river. As he pulled a second one off of her, it tugged at her skin.
"I think there are a couple more on your lower back, Leia," Luke said. "Want me to get Sam—"
She shook her head and rolled up the bottom of her tank top in a hurry to get the insect removal over with. As she did, she heard a sharp intake of breath, though it didn't come from Luke.
"Kriff, how'd you get those, Organa?" Wes said, voice laced with a tenuously controlled anger Leia couldn't recall ever hearing from the man.
Leia's mouth went dry as she considered her answers, but before she could say anything, Wedge's voice broke in.
"It's rude as all hells to bring up scars, dumbass."
Wes backtracked immediately. "Sorry. I—Organa, I—"
"Go help Celchu, Janson," Wedge barked. "Think Hobbs stumbled into some, too."
Leia stared straight ahead as Wedge and Luke silently removed the last of the beesbies and patted down her back over her tank top for good measure.
She checked her legs herself once they were finished before walking away from the group toward a tall, flat rock formation a couple dozen meters away from the riverbank. She slipped into the tight space between a boulder and the formation, scrabbling up onto a little shelf of stone and tucking herself far away from curious eyes so she could take a moment breathe and process what had just occurred. She twisted the water out of her t-shirt but didn't pull it on just yet, the idea of the wet cloth hanging heavy off her shoulders entirely undesirable. Instead, she pressed her back to the sun-warmed rock and closed her eyes, trying, trying to return fully to her body.
Leia Organa. Twenty-two. Saijo. River—
"Kriff, Bail wasn't kidding." Wedge's voice interrupted her speed run through grounding statements. Leia jerked to attention and looked in the direction of his voice. He stood on the ground below, peering up at her from the side of the boulder where she would be most visible. "Any time you were on the same planet we were taking off from, we had to check for stowaways. He said to look anywhere we thought a tooka might be able to hide. I always thought he was exaggerating."
Leia laughed softly and closed her eyes. "I remember Princess Checks," she said, heart twisting gently in her chest at the reminder of seemingly simpler times. "Convinced Hobbie I was supposed to be there a coupla times."
"Oh, I remember," Wedge said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "I didn't let him check by himself after the second time." He cleared his throat nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Skywalker's lookin' for ya. Want me to tell him to leave it be?"
Leia pressed her lips together in thought. She couldn't avoid Luke indefinitely, wouldn't be able to pretend that he hadn't seen…
She shot Wedge a weak smile and shrugged. "Won't be able to avoid the discussion forever."
"Not forever," he agreed. "But maybe for the afternoon."
Leia nodded noncommittally. "Wes sounded strange," she said, the floaty feeling returning to her head. "When he asked about them."
Wedge tilted his head slightly toward her. "He's probably feeling about like I did when I first saw 'em."
She frowned. "Angry?"
"Murderous."
Leia shook her head, brows knit together in confusion. "I don't know why it surprises people. The whole galaxy heard me talk about it."
"Hearing vague talk of interrogations and actually seeing some of the consequences of those interrogations on one of our own are two different things, Leia."
"I suppose." She pressed her teeth into the side of her thumb gently before focusing on Wedge again. "I can talk to Luke."
"Want me to stick around?"
Leia shook her head. "No. No, that's all right." She smiled slightly. "Go try to enjoy the river some more."
Wedge laughed loudly. "Think I've had enough of the bloodsuckers for today."
Luke arrived so quickly after Wedge left, Leia wondered if he had been waiting just outside of her field of vision for a signal to come closer. He didn't stay on the ground the way Wedge had, but examined the spot where Leia sat carefully before climbing the craggy boulder and crossing to the rock formation so he could sit next to her on the shelf.
Leia stared at the surface of the boulder rather than face her friend. It had looked smooth and almost perfectly round from several meters back, but up close it was rough, worn in some places and not in others, pitted with imperfections that acted as hand- and foot-holds.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Luke opening his mouth to speak, closing it, and opening it again. He repeated the cycle several times before Leia decided to put him out of his misery.
"They're from my interrogation, if that wasn't obvious."
"Figured," Luke said. "Wedge didn't seem surprised."
She cleared her throat softly. "Yes, well, I had an allergic reaction to something on Renatasia when we were on night patrol together and I needed someone to see if it was bad enough to go to med, so I had him look."
"Oh. Thought maybe he just knew more from working for the Empire."
Leia shook her head slightly. "No, he was about as shocked as anyone else has been. There aren't a lot of lower-level officers involved in interrogations we don't think, unless they're the type to step out of line. We're pretty sure they use viewing them as an intimidation tactic to rein the troublemakers back in."
Luke scoffed quietly. "So, how many do you think Han's seen?"
Had the topic at hand been any less serious, Leia would have laughed, but she instead answered the question the best she could without delving too far into subjects Han seemed to keep to himself. "He's seen three, but he doesn't talk about them, and I don't think he'd like them being brought up."
"Oh." Luke's voice was soft. "I was joking. I didn't—"
"He made the same joke, if it makes you feel any better."
He shook his head. "Doesn't feel like my joke to make. I shouldn't have…"
The silence that wrapped around them felt more comfortable than burdensome, but Leia could tell Luke was holding back from asking questions, obviously conflicted. She linked her arm with his and leaned against his shoulder, still focusing straight ahead.
"I won't promise to answer any question you have," she said. "But what do you want to know?"
More silence. Then, "What did they do to you, Leia?"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hating how vague and broad his question was, but feeling some relief that her answers could be left similarly vague and broad. "They stunned me and brought me aboard the Death Star. They asked me questions while I was strapped into this chair…They call it 'the rack', but it's not exactly… I didn't get a good look at it. I just know most of the burns and cuts came from that. And when I didn't break after a few sessions, I got passed off to Vader. He used…"
Leia frowned. She didn't know how to describe what Vader had done — or, rather, attempted to do. "He used this serum. It feels like fire coursing through your veins, and I think it's supposed to make people more…suggestible, or open to telling the truth or something. I'm not sure. I just know they injected it along my spinal column, and he asked me the same questions I'd been asked before. The pain was…agonizing. It's—I hope it's the worst thing I'll ever experience. When I still wouldn't answer, he tried to…sort through my thoughts, I think, with the Force. I don't know. I frustrated him pretty badly."
"I'm surprised you'd even know how he was feeling, with the mask and all," Luke said.
Leia laughed. "Ah, no. I mean, he sort of exudes… You can feel when he's frustrated, but I had also encountered the man multiple times before, and we had no qualms about verbally informing one another of just how much we pissed each other off."
Luke snorted. "You told Darth Vader that he pissed you off?" Disbelief tinged his voice, as if he were trying to decide if she was brave or stupid.
She bit her lip and smiled, lifting her head to finally look at him. "I mean, not in those words exactly, but he got the message."
They both laughed quietly. After another minute of comfortable quiet, Luke cleared his throat nervously. "Leia?" She looked him in the eye. "Can I hug you?"
She nodded, hating that he'd even felt the need to ask. She and Luke didn't usually balk at physical contact with one another. They had a sort of easy and affectionate way with each other that reminded her of family. His hesitance spoke of the change she had feared would take place the moment he knew about the scars.
Luke wrapped Leia in an awkwardly angled hug and she embraced him back. "I think you're the strongest person I know," he said, affection obvious in his tone.
It was a sentiment she had heard several times since she had escaped the Death Star. Leia knew that everyone who said it meant well. It was a compliment, after all. But she couldn't help but wish that she could trade being the strongest for some other -est: the smartest, perhaps, or the fastest.
The well-rested-est.
The trauma-free-est.
Hoping for such things was pointless, she knew. The past couldn't be changed. Still, any -est that didn't require she be tortured to accomplish it would be preferable.
The couple of months remaining on Han's contract with Seertay passed quickly, and one afternoon, Leia again found herself standing at the edge of landing pad three, watching the Falcon touch down. The ship seemed fully functional this time, a fact for which Leia was grateful. They had to leave for a mission in less than two days, so any major repairs would have upset their timeline.
Leia felt the warmth emitting from the Falcon's thrusters against her skin and became very aware of her own bare arms. She had been pitching in with repairs, working on getting a damaged X-wing up and flying, and, after more than an hour spent sweating in the midday sun, had stripped off her Alliance-issued fatigue top in favor of the compression tank she wore underneath. It wasn't anything Han hadn't seen before, but it also wasn't exactly how she generally dressed to greet someone.
The ramp lowered, and even though Han had spoken to her directly on her comm and told her that the trip had been uneventful, Leia found herself holding her breath, waiting to see for herself that he was okay. She spotted his boots at the top of the ramp, then saw the rest of him, relief loosening the winding tightness that had developed in her chest. Leia walked toward him with purpose, not rushing but not ambling, either.
A wave of panic washed over her momentarily as she forgot entirely how she normally greeted Han. Luke always received a hug, as did Chewie, but Han… What's normal for us? I hugged him last time, but I was…emotional. What do I usually do?
"Falcon doesn't appear to be on death's door this time at least." The observation exited her mouth in a teasing sort of tone. Is that normal? Vaguely insulting his prized possession? It felt normal enough, and she was pretty sure Han knew she didn't fully mean it anyway.
Han rolled his eyes. "Trip was great, Princess. Thanks for askin'."
Leia arched a brow and crossed her arms over her stomach as she stopped next to the ramp. "You already said that over the comm. I don't need to be told things twice for them to stick."
"Awful accusatory soundin' 'I', there, Worship."
She smirked slightly and shrugged.
Han stepped off the ramp, closing the distance between them and Leia's heart jumped into her throat. He gave her a curious, bemused look and touched her cheek. "Been working on ships today?"
Leia was fairly certain her heart stopped altogether, or maybe switched rhythms. Tachycardia. I am experiencing tachycardia. That's not concerning at all. Han applied a fair amount of pressure to her cheek with his hand, pulling her away from her attempts to further diagnose herself with a heart condition, and lifted his hand away from her face, emphatically raising a grease-coated thumb in her sightline.
He had been wiping a smudge off her cheek.
Get it together, Organa.
Leia wrinkled her nose. "Been trying to get this X-wing in working order. It's been a mess."
Han nodded. "Chewie an' me can take a look if ya want."
She shook her head. "I know what's wrong. It's just a lot of work."
[I'm sure we can help with whatever it is if you want us to.]
Leia jerked to attention and looked behind Han to the Wookiee who had exited the ship without either of them taking notice. She grinned and stepped past Han and onto the ramp to give Chewie a hug.
"Maybe," she said. "If I don't have it done by the end of the day, I'll enlist your help tomorrow."
"You got time to show us around the place? Barely left the ship last time."
Leia turned from Chewie on the ramp, her heart again invading her throat when her eyes met Han's. They were more green than brown right then, and his gaze felt…arresting, almost, as if she were pinned in place by a spell that could only be broken if he looked away.
Honestly, Organa.
She blinked, smiled, and nodded, every movement feeling stiff and vaguely strange. "I can take a break, yeah."
Acting as their guide worked fairly well to calm the outrageous reactions Leia's heart and lungs kept having to standard interactions with Han, and by the time they had made it to the Command Center to try to catch General Rieekan, she felt mostly normal.
"Solo, Chewbacca," the general said with a smile when he saw them. "We're glad to have you back."
"Good to be back, General," Han said. Chewie warbled an agreement.
Carlist looked at Leia. "How's that X-wing coming?"
"The connectors in the astromech compartment are corroded and need replacing, and two of the cannons need to be calibrated," Leia said. "Some of the wiring needs to be pulled out and replaced, too, I think, if we want it to be any good in a month."
Rieekan nodded. "I'll get one of the technicians on it as soon as they're free."
Leia shook her head. "I can take care of it. Those are all things I've done before."
Carlist tilted his head slightly in concession. "If there's enough time before you need to prepare for your mission. What else do you need to do before you leave?"
Han had been standing behind Leia and slightly to the side, enough so he hadn't needed to reach over her shoulder to shake Rieekan's hand when they first stopped to speak with the general. As she went over the few items left on her to-do list with Carlist, she noticed Han take a couple of shuffling steps until he was directly behind her. A small commotion drew her attention to the entrance of the Command Center mid-sentence, and, when she turned to check it out, Leia found she needed to step to the side to see around the wall of Han's torso.
"General Rieekan, Organa, we've got a problem," Wedge said as he entered the room, Luke and Tycho on his heels. "Unidentified object touched down. Can't quite tell what it is, but if I had to guess, I'd say a Star Destroyer dumped a week's worth of garbage right in the middle of landing pad three—" He broke off with a calculated, casual-seeming grin in Han's direction. "Oh, hey, Solo. Didn't see you there."
Han greeted Wedge with a muttered, "Antilles," and a hand gesture that Leia had on decent enough authority would get ya shanked in Coronet City, sweetheart.
After enduring a friendly hug from Luke and a reserved greeting from Tycho, Han again settled into the spot directly behind Leia, making her uneasy. It took her a moment to understand why his placement unnerved her. He wasn't standing too close for comfort, nor was he making contact with her in any way, and she trusted him enough to allow him to linger in the blindspot directly behind her. No, it was that his placement seemed specific, purposeful, as if he were covering her on a mission or shielding her from something.
She wasn't sure why he was acting as if her fellow Alliance members might attack her from behind, but drawing attention to the oddness of it all felt like the wrong move. I'll ask him later.
Wedge directed his attention toward Leia. "How's that X-wing coming?"
"Still not available to be stripped for parts," she said flatly.
"Clock's tickin', Organa." Wedge tapped at the chrono on his wrist as he stepped backward toward the doorway.
Leia rolled her eyes. "It'll be fixed before I leave."
"We'll see!" Wedge left the Command Center as quickly as he had entered it, Tycho following. Luke waved them on and remained near Han, Leia, Chewie and General Rieekan.
"What's that about?" Han asked glancing after Wedge.
"Leia's about to lose a bet," Luke supplied.
She scowled. "I am not. I've isolated the problems on the ship. I just have to get them fixed now." She turned to look at Han's face, her back angled slightly toward Luke. "They wanted to trash the X-wing and scavenge it for parts, and I said I thought it was fixable. If I get it fixed before we leave, it doesn't get picked apart. That's all."
Han's eyes darted between Luke and Leia, and she saw the wheels of his mind turning even as he said, "Oh. Well, sounds like you got it handled."
Leia smiled at him. "Thank you, Han. At least someone around here knows what I'm capable of."
Luke rolled his eyes. "It wasn't about capability; it was about time—"
"Skywalker," General Rieekan interrupted, his tone betraying just how tired he was of hearing about the X-wing bet. "Do you have time to discuss the new flight drills you mentioned this morning?" He jerked his thumb in the direction of his desk.
Luke blinked in surprise before grinning and nodding. "Yes, sir," he said as he followed after the general.
"Kid's really come into his own if he's arguin' with you," Han said, sounding amused.
Leia snorted and shook her head. "He's being obstinate." She tilted her head toward the Command Center exit. "C'mon," she said. "I still need to show you the mess."
They had the parts to fix the X-wing, and Leia hadn't exaggerated her own knowledge. She had replaced corroded parts on one of the Falcon's neural cores with minimal oversight from Chewie, her father had taught her how to calibrate ship canons when she first learned to fly, and wiring was wiring. The issue was, as Luke had pointed out, more a matter of time than anything else.
Well, time and the fact that Han kept eating into that time by distracting her.
He wasn't trying to distract her. He just kept stopping by with questions about the mission or the outpost, and they would end up talking about…more than the mission or the outpost. He generally left after ten or fifteen minutes to work on something or other on the Falcon, but when he stopped by after dinner, he seemed intent to linger.
"Didn't see you in the mess," he said casually, rapping his knuckles against the nose of the ship.
Leia switched off the soldering iron she had been using to install a new connector in the astromech compartment, pushed herself from laying flat on her belly along the top of the ship into a seated position, and removed her protective goggles to look at him. "I grabbed a couple of bars," she said, wiping sweat and dirt from her forehead and rolling her right shoulder.
"You goin' to Antilles' sabacc game?"
She shook her head. Wedge and the rest of the Rogues had expressed plans to take over the mess once the evening meal was finished for the game, but she hadn't planned on attending. If she showed up, she knew Luke and Tycho would goad the others into letting her play, but Wedge and Wes got snippy about card counting, and Leia couldn't prove that she wasn't keeping track unless she purposefully lost, which irritated Hobbie and Luke. Her sabacc games with the Rogues had ended in squabbles too many times, and she wasn't interested in continuing the tradition. "I really do need to get this squared away so I can focus on mission prep tomorrow."
"How much d'ya have left?" Han asked. He scaled the ladder on the side of the ship and rested his arms on the top rung. "I can help out if ya want, and we can head over when we're done."
Leia pursed her lips, heart hammering against her ribs at the sound of we. "They…don't really like playing sabacc with me," she admitted.
Han raised his eyebrows, a knowing smirk on his face. "Because of the cheatin'?" he asked solemnly.
She scowled. "I do not cheat," she said, examining her soldering job on the last connector she had installed to make sure it would hold. It seemed secure. "Ever since you told them I count cards sometimes, Wes and Wedge assume I do it every time. If I promise not to, they don't believe me unless I'm losing around fifty-seven percent of the time—"
"They gave you a percentage?" Han asked incredulously.
"No, I figured it out on my own. Anything less than fifty-seven percent, and confirmation bias kicks in. Then they start accusing me of counting cards, and proving a negative is kind of hard, so I have to throw games to keep the peace, but then Hobbie and Luke get irritated because they know I'm better at sabacc than that, and everyone ends the night mad at each other."
Han grimaced, and Leia thought she saw a hint of regret in his expression as well. "They know half the game's chance, right?"
Leia shrugged and retrieved another replacement connector from the pile of parts she had gathered onto a small tarp on the top one of the wings. "It's just one of those things that gets everyone worked up for no reason, so I'm abstaining. It's fine. I really do need to work on this thing anyway." She patted the side of the ship.
"Gimme somethin' to do, and I'll help ya knock it out," Han said, scaling the rest of the ladder and stepping onto the hull of the ship.
Leia bit her lip, thinking. As much as she wanted to be able to say she had repaired the entire ship herself, she was running short on time and energy, and Han had offered to help multiple times. She pointed to a spool of electrical wire sitting on the wing. "The hatch sensors and landing gear have damaged wiring that needs to be replaced," she said. "I'll help with that when I'm finished with the astro compartment."
Han picked up the spool of wire and a couple of tools before settling down on the side of the astromech compartment closest to the cockpit. Leia watched him set up his supplies longer than was strictly necessary before refocusing on prying another corroded connector from the interior of the compartment.
"The Falcon looking good for the mission?" she asked, wanting to fill the quiet between them, and — though she would never admit it — wanting it filled with his voice in particular.
"Wouldn't be over here helpin' with this hunk of junk if it wasn't," he said, glancing back at her and winking playfully.
Leia's mouth went dry, but she forced herself to continue the conversation. "Good to hear." The connector came loose and she pulled it out of the compartment, staring at the small piece of aged and damaged metal before speaking again. "Were you okay when you first arrived today?"
"Yeah. Why?"
Leia hesitated. She had asked Han far more invasive questions the last time they had seen each other, but that had been under the influence of exhaustion, raw emotions, and more whiskey than she usually drank in a single evening. Still, he had acted really oddly in the Command Center, and she had wondered about it off and on for hours.
"You were behaving strangely in the Command Center earlier. I felt like you were watching my back or something, like you thought I'd be attacked from behind. I've been trying to figure out what was going on all day."
"Really? Been thinkin' about me all day, Princess?"
Leia felt her cheeks flush, but she remained composed and rolled her eyes. The comment was a clear attempt at evasion — not an actual accusation — and she wouldn't fall for it. "You can joke all you want, but I'm going to keep asking."
Han didn't speak for a long moment. When he finally broke the silence, he sounded sober, subdued. "Figured you got caught up in work and forgot what you were wearin'. Didn't know if all the Rogues had seen your back, and since it was a real sensitive topic a few months ago, I didn't think you'd want 'em to see…"
She tilted her head, gazing at his profile as he explained. "You were blocking their view of my scars?"
He shrugged sheepishly and looked at her. "I know I sound like an ass even implyin' you can't handle that sort of thing yourself. I just remembered what happened when you got shot before."
"Oh. Right." Leia hummed thoughtfully, brows drawn together. "They've seen them," she assured him before attempting to explain. "The river has these worms — we've been calling them beesbies—"
"Beesbies?"
She laughed. "Wes first called them 'bloodsucking bastards', which was shortened to BSBs, and then…beesbies. Anyway, they're not venomous or anything. It isn't like Indoumodo. But they are parasitic and they're pretty big." She separated her thumb and forefinger nearly as far apart as they could stretch in a sort of measurement. "They latch on to your skin so they can suck your blood, and the earlier you get to them, the easier it is to pull them off—"
Han grimaced. "I'm beginning to doubt your claims of this bein' the most pleasant place we've had an outpost."
'We' again.
Leia rolled her eyes. "I stand by my claims. Anyway, some of the pilots went swimming one day and invited me. I went, but wore a t-shirt over a tank top so I could avoid questions. And then Luke saw the tail of a beesby sticking out from under my sleeve and we realized there were more on my shoulders and back. My options were walking ten minutes to get to med or stripping down to a tank top and letting the others get them off me and…" She shrugged casually, as if the entire experience hadn't been upsetting at the time. "I went with the most practical choice."
Han frowned slightly, concern evident on his face. "They say anything?"
She shrugged again and told him the rest of the story: Luke helping her with Wes nearby, Wes noticing the scars well before Luke seemed to, Wedge admonishing Wes and sending him away. "Luke and I talked about them later." Leia pressed her lips together. "He was upset for me. I told him a little about what specifically caused them and… That's…sort of been it, I think. No one's mentioned them again, and they clearly aren't treating me like I'm fragile, as you can probably tell between the X-wing trash-talk and the card counting complaints. And I…It's not that I don't think about the scars. But since half the pilots got glimpses and haven't acted any differently on the whole, it's easier than it used to be is all."
"Good," he said. "I mean, it's good that it's easier for you."
They worked in companionable silence, Leia stealing glances at Han more often than was strictly necessary as he replaced at least a meter of wiring for the hatch sensors. He caught her once, turning to look in her direction right as she had lifted her head to look in his, and Leia was fairly certain her entire body burned a bright red in response.
Get it together, Organa.
She finished with the connectors and moved on to rewiring the landing gear right as Han tested the hatch sensors by triggering the automatic closing mechanism. Apparently satisfied with the sensors' performance, he joined her working on the landing gear.
"Where'd you learn to do all this?" Han asked, watching her join two wires.
"Princess lessons," Leia said, shooting him an innocent look. He raised his eyebrows slightly and she turned back to the wiring. "I've picked up skills here and there. My father taught me to fly, and basic ship maintenance is sort of a part of that. Couldn't very well end up stranded on a strange moon just because I didn't know how to repair a wing panel, could I?"
"S'pose not."
"I've learned a few things from you and Chewie. Mainly Chewie, I suppose, but you've bossed me around enough the past coupla years that a few things have stuck in my memory." She shot him a teasing smile. "I've shadowed our technicians when I've had the chance. I'm a fast learner. Being able to perform repairs seems like a useful skill. I don't expect to be tacked on to a squadron, but I like to know I can keep up if I need to."
Her last sentence seemed to catch Han's attention. "You been flyin'?"
Leia wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Not recently. Shara let me go up in her A-wing a few weeks ago when I mentioned I hadn't flown a fighter without an astromech droid before. It went okay, but I'm not going to be dogfighting any time soon. Was hoping to test fly this one myself if there's time before we leave."
Han chuckled softly. "The powers that be know you're climbin' into starfighters?"
"I am the powers that be here," Leia said mischievously. "Carlist treats me as an equal on every level. He always has, but there's no one in the immediate vicinity to object right now."
He let out another chuckle before they fell into comfortable quiet again, occasionally breaking it to ask one another for a tool or a hand. Once the lengths of suspicious-looking wire had been replaced, they tested the circuit, and put up the tools and supplies for the night.
Han only had to ask once more for Leia to agree to at least watch the sabacc game, even if she didn't play. They entered the mess hall side-by-side, her heart settling into what was apparently its new favorite rhythm: rapid and fluttery and directly affected by the sound of Han's voice.
Wes spotted Leia first and rolled his eyes. "Don't have time for cheating, Organa!" he called.
"Who's cheatin'?" Han asked before Leia could offer a retort.
"You know good and damn well she counts cards, Solo."
"I don't if you ask me not to," Leia said, shooting Han a look that said.
"Sure."
"Oh, get over it, Janson," Han said, taking a seat. Leia settled in across from him and next to Luke. "You let Luke play and he's got that Jedi mind-readin' thing."
Luke scowled. "That's not how—"
"Thought you didn't believe any of the Jedi stuff, Solo," Wedge said, sipping from a cup that Leia was certain was filled with the newest vintage of jetjuice.
"Don't matter what I believe; you're the ones lettin' him play."
"Yeah, but Skywalker's really bad at sabacc," Wes said. "Even if he's reading our minds, he's not doing a very good job."
Luke bristled. "I don't—"
"I knew it!" Leia said, zeroing in on Wes. "You're just sore because I play a better game than you do."
Wes rolled his eyes. "You do not—"
"Yes, she does," Hobbie and Luke said in unison. To Leia's surprise, they were quietly echoed by Dak and Samoc, annoyance clear in all of their tones.
"I can tell when she's countin'," Han said. "I'm the one that noticed in the first place."
Leia wrinkled her nose slightly and shook her head. "I think it was Chewie, wasn't it?" She tilted her head toward the Wookiee.
Han shot her a withering look that made Leia smirk. "I noticed same time as Chewie. He just pointed it out quicker."
[The point is we know when she's counting cards. And the princess keeps her word when she promises not to.]
Wedge glanced between Chewie, Han, and Leia before rolling his eyes, sighing, and dealing both Han and Leia in.
"What—" Wes began to protest.
"We're playing Corellian Spike," Wedge said, his word on the matter apparently final.
Leia shot Han and Chewie both a small smile before focusing her attention on her cards, realizing for what must have been the thousandth time that day just how much she had missed the duo. They're back, she thought happily. They're here.
Leia was supposed to meet with an old contact of Han's, someone named Lloy who Han said should have access to heaters rated for the sort of temperatures they would be facing on Hoth, and who should be able to source other items necessary for the extreme climate. Lloy ran his operation from Ord Mantell, and had to shift drop locations often enough that he met his contacts in one of several seedy businesses throughout the city of Savroia.
Han didn't seem particularly worried about the cantina that Lloy had selected to meet in; Chewie, on the other hand, had concerns, which Leia only learned when she overhead part of a conversation between him and Han as she neared the Falcon's lounge on during the trip to Ord Mantell.
[I do not think it's a safe place.]
"Dunno what about our current situation you deem safe, pal, but you should probably rethink your definition of the word."
[You know what I mean. She is young and very attractive to many species.]
"Good to know my ancient, hideous self is keepin' your concern for my well-being in check."
[They will think she's naïve. An easy target.]
"Yeah, and they'll figure their mistake out real quick."
"Only if I want them to," Leia said as she entered the lounge. She shot Han a wry smile before looking at Chewie. "I appreciate the concern, but I need to be the one to make the deal. Besides, I've found over the years that I can use people underestimating me to my advantage."
[Have you been to these sorts of run-down places before? I did not think you were even old enough to order at a cantina when we first met.]
Leia laughed softly. "If it's the presence of alcohol you're concerned about, I'm afraid your captain corrupted me years ago."
Han shot her a look. "I know that half shot of whiskey wasn't your first drink, sweetheart."
She slipped into the booth, settling into the spot next to Han, and grinned up at him. "No, but I'd only ever had wine." She looked across the table at Chewie again. "I was certainly old enough to order at most cantinas when you met me."
[I am over two centuries old. You all seem very young to me. And you haven't actually answered my question.]
Leia shrugged. "I've been in sticky situations before. I know how to keep an eye out for trouble. I'll be okay. And Han'll be with me."
[That is not the comfort you think it is, Princess.]
"Hey!" Han said, offense obvious in his tone. "We did okay in that casino on Ruusan."
[That was not a cantina in a dangerous city.]
"Chewie," Leia said patiently, "I'll be okay. I've been on dangerous missions before."
Chewie let out a soft whine before adding, [Not in Savroia.]
She glanced at Han who remained unperturbed. "Look, unless you got a secret connection for heaters that'll work on Hoth that I don't know about, we're meetin' with Lloy."
Chewie stood and frowned at Han. [It is not him I am concerned about,] he said before traipsing off toward his cabin.
"What was that about?" Leia murmured, peering after the Wookiee.
Han waved a hand flippantly in the direction Chewie had disappeared. "We just gotta keep an eye out for bounty hunters on Ord Mantell."
Leia arched an eyebrow. "Don't we have to do that anywhere?"
He shrugged. "We're more likely to run into 'em there than the places we've been goin'. Runnin' with Seertay's team was safer since we weren't in a lot of our old haunts."
"And yet you still got shot by a bounty hunter."
Han tilted his head in concession. "Still got shot by a bounty hunter, yeah. For what it's worth, I ain't worried."
He grinned at Leia and she had to clear her throat to cover up the sound of her breath catching. Han seemed very close all of a sudden, and she regretted seating herself next to him in the booth when there had been a perfectly serviceable stool available that would have placed an entire table between them. Damn Corellians, she thought absently.
Han's wide smile dissolved into a worried expression. "You feelin' okay about this?" he asked, studying her closely.
Leia realized that he had likely been waiting on a reaction from her and nodded quickly to compensate for her lack of one. "Oh. Yes. I'm not worried."
"Good," he said before leaning closer and, Leia was certain, nearly causing her to go into cardiac arrest. It took her far too long to realize he was reaching for a datapad he had set down on the dejarik table.
Get it together, Organa.
The cantina in Savroia was dank and dimly lit. Han hardly seemed surprised by how dingy the place seemed, and Leia imagined he had seen his share of establishments exactly like it. He glanced at her as they walked in and jerked his head toward a booth near the back.
"They won't want us hangin' out without orderin' anything," he said near her ear. "I'll grab a coupla drinks, you grab that booth."
Leia nodded, glancing around the cantina as subtly as possible as she walked to the booth. Visible exits were limited to the door they had just passed through and two small, heavily darkened windows. There was a doorway near the bar that she assumed led to storage areas or 'freshers, maybe a back exit, but there was no way to tell for sure.
She sat facing the entrance, but turned her head to look at Han as he leaned on the bar. He seemed at-ease on the outside while he made light conversation with the bartender. 'You hafta strike a balance to be forgettable,' he had told her once. 'Beings remember extremes. Can't be too chatty, but ya don't wanna be too quiet, either.'
Someone slid into the booth across from Leia and she jerked to attention. A human man with an oily sort of grin and hair that looked almost too dark to be natural against his pasty complexion looked at her in a way that made her want to crawl out of her skin. She let her hand drift toward her blaster subtly enough to not draw attention to the movement.
"What's someone like you doin' hangin' out in a place like this?" he drawled.
Leia searched her memory for any mention Han might have made about his contact's physical appearance. She knew he was male and knew he went by Lloy — whether that was his real name, a nickname, or an alias, she wasn't sure. That was all she knew. She had no idea if the unsavory individual in front of her was who Han was expecting or a random cantina patron or a bounty hunter.
Leia opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Han sliding into the booth next to her. He set two mugs of watery-looking ale in front of them and slipped his arm around Leia's shoulders in one smooth, practiced motion.
"Sorry it took so long, baby," he said to Leia before looking pointedly at the stranger. "Who's your friend?"
Leia smiled up at Han in a way that she hoped looked affectionate from the outside, and leaned into his side slightly, playing along with the ruse. "He hasn't introduced himself," she said mildly.
She felt Han's hand drop to her hip and had to stop herself from shooting him a reproachful glare; she wasn't sure what he was doing, but she trusted he wasn't being untoward. It wasn't until his fingers brushed against the hand that she rested on her blaster that she realized his own weapon was pressed between them, making it difficult for him to reach without drawing a lot of attention to himself. She moved her hand to his stomach, giving him access to her weapon as she walked herself quickly through the steps that would be required to draw his if it became necessary.
It thankfully wasn't necessary. The stranger mumbled a vague apology before hurrying out of the booth and to the bar. Han pulled his hand away from Leia's hip, but left his arm draped around her. She let her hand drop from his stomach to her lap.
"Are you okay?"
Leia nodded. "He only got one sentence out. He'd barely been there a few seconds when you got back."
"What happened?" Han asked, maintaining an even tone, though it seemed to Leia that it was a struggle for him to do so.
"I looked back for a second to see where you were and he just sat down," she answered, keeping her voice low. "I wasn't sure if he was your friend."
Han shook his head. "Shoulda given you a description. Lloy's Chiss." He glanced toward the stranger at the bar quickly before removing his arm from her shoulders.
Leia was struck by how immediately comfortable she had been with Han's arm around her — enough that she felt a bit disappointed that he'd removed it so soon. I'm tired and touch-starved, she told herself, trying not to read into her internal reaction. Acknowledging how nice his arm had felt around her shoulders would only make getting over whatever attachment she seemed to have developed for Han that much harder. She made herself look at him, made herself smile slightly, made herself interact with the man the way she normally would. "Hopefully he shows up soon," she said, meeting his gaze.
He blinked a couple of times rapidly before nodding. "He'll show. He ain't flaky."
Leia nodded in response and pulled one of the mugs he'd set on the table toward her. She sniffed at the ale and wrinkled her nose. Its scent was faint, sour, and unpleasant. "Did you order the most watered-down ale on the planet?" she murmured with an amused smile.
"Probably. Cheapest, at least. Didn't wanna get our usual. We might hafta sip on 'em if we're here awhile, and I figured we'd want quick reflexes if something goes wrong."
Our usual. Leia had to assume he meant whiskey and smiled slightly at the thought that they had a usual anything.
She cleared her throat in hopes that the action would also clear her mind of the seemingly random musings about we and our and Sorry it took so long, baby and Han it kept grabbing on to. "I thought Chiss basically never left Csilla," she said, wondering what would have driven Lloy so far from home. The Chiss were known to be a fairly exclusive and private people; Leia was certain she had only encountered one or two in all of her travels.
He shrugged. "Lloy did, I guess. Never asked about it and he's never said one way or another." She nodded, but didn't say anything. Han shifted uncomfortably before lowering his voice. "Sorry for touchin' you like that earlier. I couldn't get to my blaster fast enough and I was gettin' nervous."
Leia looked up at him, brows scrunched together. "I figured it out pretty quickly. That's why I positioned myself to grab yours."
"Just don't want you feelin' uncomfortable is all."
She placed her hand on his forearm. "You know I trust you, right?"
He smiled and nodded. "Guess so, yeah."
"Good." Leia squeezed his arm lightly before releasing it, her palm burning from the contact.
A tall, blue-skinned humanoid with dark hair entered the cantina and strode quickly toward them, his gait easy and casual. Leia glanced at Han, who had his eyes on the Chiss and a relaxed grin on his face.
"Solo," the Chiss — presumably LLoy — said.
Han made no introductions, but instead immediately opened up the discussion so Leia could talk about the Alliance's needs. Lloy seemed unbothered by her anonymity or the specificity of her requests, and Leia became more convinced with every passing moment that Han had made the best possible choice of contact in regard to discretion and ability to deliver what they needed.
Lloy asked very few questions, and within half an hour, they had agreed on pricing and terms. "Give me forty-eight hours," he said. "I'll have everything you need at the central docks by then."
Later, over celebratory drinks safe in the lounge of the Falcon, Leia and Han informed Chewie excitedly of how smoothly striking the deal with Lloy had gone, though Leia took note that Han didn't volunteer the story about the stranger they had nearly pulled blasters on. Chewie didn't say they had been right not to worry exactly, but he did concede that he felt much better about the remainder of the mission.
Warm with whiskey and too giddy to get a full night's sleep, Leia found herself playing an unhurried game of dejarik with Han well after Chewie had retreated to his cabin for the night. She didn't keep track exactly, but it seemed like every time she looked up from the board after finishing her turn, Han was looking at her with soft eyes and a genuine smile.
After half a dozen instances of catching him staring, she tilted her head quizzically. "What is it?"
"Hmm?"
"You're looking at me funny."
"Nah," Han said flippantly, as if casually denying the fact erased his actions entirely. "Was just thinkin' we make a kriffin' good team is all."
Leia grinned and nodded in response. She had to agree.
A/N: Things are happening! Or are they?
Thank you so much for reading and for all of the lovely comments I've received on this work so far! I've loved answering y'all's questions and discussing the different characters. The next chapter will be posted on Friday, April 12, 2024.
Perspectives companion piece to this chapter: "Princess Checks".
