Eddie was sad and angry. Sad that she might be losing a partner on the job. Angry at herself for indulging in the stupid semi-flirtatious game she played with Jamie over the past four years. Angry at Jamie for the hurtful remark about her ex, Josh, breaking up with her in front of the precinct. Angry at herself for her own hurtful retort to Jamie about being alone for the rest of his life.
And yet, this is what happens when two people pretend like there isn't something more between them and one of them moves on. They both end up getting hurt.
As she gave the reader's digest version of events to Barry at her apartment, his right fist was clenched. He knew Eddie was a big girl and could handle herself, but he was still mad on her behalf.
"If he wasn't a cop," Barry said, "I might have a few words with him and accidentally slam him into the wall a few times."
Eddie couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh. She cuddled into Barry's side, her hand on his chest. "Well, that's very sweet of you," she said, giving his cheek a kiss, "but I'd still be a cop and I couldn't let you do that."
A few moments passed where Eddie just sat, cuddling into Barry. It was the first time in a while she felt safe – really, truly safe. She didn't have to pretend with Barry. She didn't have to hide behind the lone wolf façade she had carefully constructed.
"I'm sorry you had to hear all this," Eddie said to him with a sad smile.
"Eh," Barry said with the wave of his hand, "you needed to vent."
"You sure you still want all this?" she asked, gesturing to herself. "You want this mess?"
"I like your mess," Barry said with a grin. "It's a beautiful mess."
Eddie rolled her eyes. "Do you use that line on all the girls?"
"No, just you."
Eddie rolled her eyes once more, though this time in a playful manner.
"Seriously, though," Barry continued, "I'm sorry you went through that. But we all have our messes. I've got mine."
"What kind of mess do you have?" Eddie asked curiously.
"Well… I've never had the best luck with women," he said. "During college, a lot of women looked right through me and the couple times I put my heart out there, it got broken."
Eddie frowned in sympathy. "Been there, done that," she said, "didn't even get a T-shirt. But what about after college?"
"More or less the same," Barry sighed. "A lot of gals in New York think they're Carrie Bradshaw and it's an episode of Sex and the City. Makes you jaded after a while."
Eddie nodded solemnly. She had needlessly broken a couple guys' hearts in her younger days and she wasn't exactly proud of that.
"So, yeah," he said looking at Eddie. "I got my mess, too."
Silence filled Eddie's living room.
"Yeah," she finally declared. "I get it."
"I don't share that with a lot of people," Barry admitted.
"I'm glad you can share it with me," Eddie said sincerely.
They sat there, looking at each other in awe of one another.
"Well, look at us," Barry said finally. "Two beautiful messes. But I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm not going anywhere, either," Eddie agreed warmly. She leaned in and placed a tender kiss on his lips, a kiss he gratefully returned.
"Wherever we are," Eddie said softly as their lips parted, "if it's the two of us, it's safe."
They kissed again, passionately this time. Barry pulled away from him. "Ummm," he said nervously.
"You okay?" she asked. She could tell he was not as experienced as she was and she didn't want to pressure him. Especially after her violent dalliance with Jake Singer, she was more sensitive to that. Truly, that responsibility went both ways.
"Something I should've told you when we became official two nights ago," Barry said. "I… Uh…" He looked down at the couch, then up at Eddie.
"Hey," she said softly with a reassuring smile. "You can talk to me. I'm not going anywhere, remember?"
Barry exhaled the whirlwind.
"I want to wait until marriage to have sex," he finally said. "It's absolutely nothing against you. You're gorgeous, you're the whole package and then some! It's just… It's become a conviction of mine."
"I have to ask," Eddie said. "Are you…?" She really didn't want to offend him, but there was no other way to ask it. "Are you a virgin?"
Barry sighed and looked Eddie eye-to-eye. "Yes."
A few beats passed. Eddie had to admit this was completely new territory for her. Eddie looked at him, curious.
Not sure how to interpret Eddie's look, Barry continued. "I'm sorry, I should've told you this when we made it official, but… Even before we did, we never got all that… Physical. I didn't want to come across as weird on the first date and then when we drifted apart and then got back together... And after you got shot, I knew it wasn't going to happen for at least a little bit and…"
Realizing he was rambling, Barry stopped himself.
Eddie smiled.
She's smiling, he thought. That's a good sign.
"I'm sorry," he finally said. "I should've told you from the get-go. I just… Don't want to make you feel weird or awkward or like I don't desire you. I do, believe me, but, like I said, this is a personal conviction of mine. We can hug, we can hold hands, we can kiss…"
"But no sex," Eddie said with a playful grin. "No hubba-hubba? No horizontal tango?"
"Yeah," Barry sighed, his lips curving upward into an awkward smile.
Eddie had to admit, in many ways, there was something to be admired about Barry's stance, especially in a city of willing and ready women. It was something to respect. Deep down, while not a prude, she wished she hadn't given herself so willingly in the past.
"Well," she finally said with a mischievous smile, "If this is going to work, I'm going to need a lot of hugs and tender kisses."
Barry's eyes lit up at her response. "You mean like this?" he asked as he leaned forward, placing his hand on the small of her back as his lips tenderly engaging in a dance with hers.
"Mmmmmm, yes, exactly like that," Eddie moaned.
She laid her head on his shoulder and they held hands as they watched the sunset outside Eddie's window.
"So if we're not going to sleep together," Eddie finally said, "I got to kick you out. I got roll call at 7 in the morning and it's already 8:00."
"Aaaaand that's my cue," Barry stood up. Eddie stood up with him and walked him to her door.
They embraced, Eddie's head resting on Barry's chest.
"You give good hugs," Eddie mumbled into his chest.
At that, Barry let out a snort and a chuckle.
Looking up into his brown eyes, her chin on his chest. "Well, you do! We fit each other like a glove."
"That's because you're short," Barry cracked.
Eddie shot him a look and swatted him on the chest.
"Ow!" Barry exclaimed.
"I may be short, but I am mighty," Eddie said with the utmost seriousness.
A beat passed.
They both burst into laughter.
Once the laughter died down, Eddie stood on her tip toes and gave her new beau a slow, tender kiss. "There's one for the road," she said. "Now beat it!" she playfully ordered with a firm pat on Barry's butt-cheek.
"Yes, ma'am," Barry said with a wink.
As he walked down the hallway to the apartment building's elevator, Eddie sighed. Though she didn't have a crystal ball, she knew she could see herself with Barry for the long haul. And yet, she wasn't sure she could say the same for her and Jamie's partnership.
Another sigh escaped her.
