Convinced
"Hey, aren't you stopping for a break?" Renee asked, approaching AJ who was filling in a chart at the nurses station.
"No, I'm too busy." AJ dismissed.
"Well I brought you a coffee." Renee said, sitting the coffee on the desk as AJ shook her head.
"I don't have time to stop." AJ said.
"You've been avoiding me all day." Renee said, "What's going on?"
"Nothing." AJ shook her head, "It's just really busy."
"Not busy enough for you stop and say hi to me." Renee folded her arms, "Is everything ok? You disappeared last night really quickly."
"I'm fine, Renee. And look, I know you like that guy-"
"Dean." Renee said with a raised brow.
"Yeah, I know you like him and he seems to like you. That's great. But… I can't hold your hand the entire time." AJ nodded.
"What?" Renee laughed a little, "You were the one who showed up last night." Renee reminded her as AJ turned away, "We were having fun. What's the big deal? I ain't ever seen you let your hair down like that."
"It was stupid and I'm not… I'm not hanging out with those guys anymore. It just feels weird." AJ said. She was flustered beyond belief at the events of last night. She didn't sleep at all. Not even for fifteen minutes. She was running purely on stress adrenaline.
"You're the only one who is making it weird. They're sweet, and they're funny. It's a nice change from all the boring doctors in here." Renee scoffed.
"Well we're boring doctors so maybe we should… hang with our people." AJ shrugged.
"Fuck that. You go on ahead. I want to ride on a fire engine." Renee smiled as AJ shook her head, "Oh, lighten up. What's going on? Did Phil say something to you? Is he… making you that uncomfortable?" She worried. She loved to have fun, but she also drew a line when her friend seemed to having an oddly stressful time with it.
"No… no he didn't make me uncomfortable." AJ sighed to herself, looking at her friend, "I kissed him." She said quietly as Renee widened her eyes.
"AJ…" Renee scolded a little.
"I know." AJ said with disappointment, "I know, I literally can't stand the sight of myself right now." AJ nodded, "But it just… you know when people say things like… they weren't thinking or it was just in the moment-"
"Yeah." Renee nodded.
"Well I get that, cause… I really just wasn't thinking about anything-"
"You were thinking about kissing him, clearly." Renee said, "Gosh, do you… do you like him? Are you actually attracted to him?"
"I don't know." AJ whispered with frustration, "Yes… but no because I know I love Jason and this… it doesn't make sense why I did it." She shook her head to herself.
"I think you gotta tell him, right?" Renee nodded as AJ sighed to herself, "I know you guys have had a rocky few weeks but he should know this."
"I know." AJ sighed, "I know, I hate myself."
"Well don't. It… It obviously happened for a reason. I know you. You're not the type to just go kiss anyone." Renee nodded, "I think you gotta figure out what the situation is with Phil."
"I don't know what the situation is." AJ sighed, "The situation is I'm engaged to someone I do love and yet I… when Phil looks at me I feel something different from when Jason looks at me. I just… I can't describe it." She shook her head as Renee nodded.
"Was the kiss good?" Renee asked.
"Renee." AJ rolled her eyes.
"What? Was it?" Renee asked curiously as AJ just nodded to her.
"I didn't want it to end." She whispered.
"April." Renee gasped.
"I know." AJ shook her head, taking a sip of her coffee, "How do I even tell Jason? He'll leave me."
"No he won't." Renee shook her head, thinking to herself, "Ok so maybe you just… don't tell him." Renee nodded.
"No, I couldn't do that." AJ sighed.
"I mean… if it's only gonna cause unnecessary stress. It was just a mistake. Like you said, you weren't thinking and he should really be to blame for hitting on an engaged woman."
"Renee… I kissed him." AJ gritted her teeth, "I think the fault points directly at me. I mean I… I pushed him into a bathroom for God sake." She placed her hand on her forehead as Renee raised her eyebrows.
"Is it possible that you… have feelings for Phil?" Renee questioned as AJ looked at her, "He does seem to bring out a… a good side in you. A side I've never really seen."
"Like how?" AJ shook her head.
"You really do laugh a lot when he's around, and you were dancing. I ain't ever seen you dance before." Renee said. As her best friend, she could see what was going on, she just felt too protective of her to be so blunt.
"I don't know… I just feel different when I'm around him." AJ shook her head as Renee nodded.
"Maybe something to think about." Renee suggested.
"No, I just need him to leave me alone." AJ sighed, "I'm looking at wedding venues next week. I'm getting married to Jason." She nodded, "Phil needs to just stay away from me. Maybe you could tell Dean to tell him-"
"What are we teenagers?" Renee laughed a little, "Tell him yourself."
"I did last night." AJ nodded, "I'm hoping he listens."
"I thought you said you weren't going to do anything." Dean said, hanging in the fire station with his brother.
"I didn't. She kissed me." Punk shrugged, "Obviously I kissed her back."
"Obviously." Dean chuckled.
"Then she got flustered and told me stay away from her. Even though she pushed me into the bathroom and kissed me." Punk shook his head with confusion.
"You're just that irresistible, huh?" Dean chuckled.
"Shut up." Punk scoffed.
"Well she's obviously not as happy as she lets onto in her relationship." Dean said.
"Yeah, sometimes it's obvious and then other times it… it does seem like she's happy and content with her life. Maybe I'm just causing trouble for her. I don't wanna do that." He shook his head.
"She's the one causing trouble when she's kissing you. You got nothing to lose. She's got a fiancé at home." Dean said, "She's causing trouble for herself."
"Well she told me to stay away from her so… I'm gonna stay away from her." Punk nodded.
"Yeah until she shows up at Kat's one night looking for round two." Dean chuckled.
"I just… I don't think he treats her right." Punk thought to himself. It was all he was thinking about as of late. It wasn't usual for him to be so captivated by a girl, but she was different.
"Why?" Dean asked.
"Well I know I don't know anything about their relationship but… I don't know, it just seems like they don't get each other. Like he doesn't appreciate her." Punk shook his head.
"He ain't appreciating something if she's getting her rocks off with you in a bathroom, that's for sure." Dean said as Punk nodded, "What is it with her? Why you always got a history with putting yourself in these ridiculous situations."
"This is different. I just… I don't know. She's different." Punk shook his head, "I like when she's around."
"You don't normally like people around you." Dean said, "There must be something going on."
"Yeah, something." Punk sighed, listening as he heard the alarm bell going off in the station, "Duty calls." He got up immediately as they rushed to the nearest engine for their latest call out.
"Hey, I'm home." AJ called, getting home from the hospital later that night. She'd spent the whole day in her own head. Her chaotic job allowed her to just zone out and live in her own mind the entire time, which wasn't necessarily a good thing sometimes. She just felt so ashamed and so confused. But above all, in denial that she actually did have feelings for Phil. Even if she wasn't sure what it was or what it meant. And she knew that wasn't right when she was engaged to another man.
"Hey." Jason called from the kitchen as she walked on in, "How are you?" He asked.
Thinking about another man, she thought to herself.
"I'm fine." She nodded, "Did the offer go through that you were hoping for?" She asked him.
"It did." He smiled, "I uh… I thought we could go out tonight and celebrate. And I will turn my phone off, cause trust me, work is nowhere near more important than you are to me." He nodded to her as she looked across at him. Of course he had to be the gentleman she fell in love with in the first place, now of all times.
"I'll need to shower and… look a little better than this." AJ laughed a little as he smiled.
"I can make reservations somewhere for later on. You take your time." He nodded to her.
"Ok." She nodded, "Ok, I'm gonna go shower." She said as he smiled, watching her head off to go upstairs.
AJ got upstairs into their bedroom, looking out something to wear whilst preparing for the shower. She just couldn't fathom telling him about the kiss with Phil. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to get the words out, and she supposed that made her an even more terrible person than she already was.
She just wanted things to go back to the way they were when Phil wasn't even in her mind, and she was excited to marry the love of her life. Because she was. But she wanted to be in a position where she didn't have to keep telling herself she was. Convincing herself.
