Fear


"Come on, defence!" Punk yelled, sitting up in bed as he watched the TV across the room where his favourite hockey team where playing, "Did you see that? Slipped right past him." He said.

"Yeah." AJ nodded along, curled into him looking at one of her medical books. She thought it was adorable listening to him get all heated about sports.

"We ain't going nowhere this season with play like that." Punk said with disappointment.

"Yeah, I know." AJ nodded along again as Punk looked down at her, smiling at her reading her books, glasses perched on her nose, agreeing with whatever he was saying by default.

"You don't like sports?" Punk asked her as she looked up at him.

"Uh… I mean, I'll take it or leave it." She shrugged, "You're a dude, you like your dude things. That's fine." She waved her hand as he laughed a little.

"Sports aren't for dudes." He scoffed.

"Oh, I know." AJ nodded, "I played soccer in high school. Captain of the team actually." She smiled, "But I guess I just grew out of it and it seems way too stressful to watch anyway." She shrugged.

"What's this your reading?" He asked her, "Looks boring." He nodded as she laughed.

"It's my reading for the week. I'm a doctor but I'm not a qualified neurologist yet, so my attending asks me all kinds of stuff every day, and I best know the answers." AJ nodded.

"Didn't you learn everything in med school?" He asked her, taking one of the books and flicking through it.

"There's a lot that can happen to a person's brain and body that I need to know." AJ nodded.

"What's a… intracranial hematoma?" He struggled to pronounce as he looked at some pictures in her book.

"Collection of blood in the skull. Usually cause by a rupture of a blood vessel in the brain." AJ nodded.

"Not just a pretty face, huh?" He smiled, sitting the book down.

"What happened to your hockey?" AJ looked over at the TV.

"Intermission." He said as she nodded.

She found herself completely residing by his side for the most part these days. Even when they weren't up to physical intimacy, she was still spending time at the apartment, having dinner and watching TV, talking to all hours of the morning. She was almost forgetting about Jason and her situation with him. She felt so much peace when she was around Punk.

"Hey you don't think Dean is mad I've been spending a lot of time here, right? I mean, I know it's his apartment too." AJ said.

"He spends all his time at Renee's, I don't think he cares." Punk shrugged.

"I really have to start looking for a place of my own." AJ nodded, "Sooner or later Jason is gonna call and tell me to come pack all my shit up. I don't wanna intrude on Renee for any longer."

"I'm sure she doesn't mind. You're her friend." Punk said.

"I know she doesn't but… maybe getting my own place will help me regain some sort of control over my life. Feel like I'm all over the place these days." She nodded, sitting her books on the night stand.

"We've been trying to figure out what to do with my mom's house." He told her.

"Why didn't you guys just live in it?" AJ shrugged.

"It's too big just for us." Punk shook his head, "Our plan is to sell it when mom passes away, and just split the money. It'll help us get our own mortgage." He nodded.

"Well that's a good idea." AJ nodded, "And it's fair."

"Yeah." Punk nodded, "It's just a shame it's such a beautiful house and no one is living in it."

"You should show me it." AJ looked at him, "We could have a date there."

"A date? Are we dating?" He teased.

"Well we're doing something." AJ smiled, grabbing his chin as he leaned down and kissed her softly.

"Ok, then I'll take you after work tomorrow." He pulled back from the kiss as she smiled.


Punk picked AJ up from the hospital the next day after her shift, taking her to his mother's house where he planned to kick her favourite dinner.

"Oh, it is beautiful." AJ nodded, getting out of the car and looking on at the house, "You were lucky to grow up here. It seems nice." She said as Punk nodded.

"You gotta take it easy on me with this cooking stuff." He told her, unlocking the door to the house and walking in with a bag of groceries he'd picked up on the way, "Cause I'm no chef." He made clear as AJ smiled.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." AJ said, walking into the house, "Phil, this is beautiful." She raised her eyebrows. It just felt like such a perfect home, a place for a family or even just two people in love. She loved it instantly.

"You can have a look around and I'll get this food on the go." He told her as AJ nodded, watching him disappear down to the kitchen.

She sat her purse down, hanging her coat up on the rack and wandering off into the living room. She could understand why they were reluctant to sell a place like this, not just because it reminded them of their mother, but because it really was a beautiful home.

She smiled at the picture frames of the boys when they were young, making her way through to the kitchen where she saw him setting up things to cook.

"Now I get why you were so mad about this being for sale." AJ nodded. It wasn't a mansion by any means, and it didn't have any fancy exciting rooms, but it was a home and it was a good one which would make anyone lucky to have and live in.

"Oh, I wasn't mad about the house. I was mad he tricked my sick mom into signing it over." Punk made clear as AJ nodded.

"Yeah well that too." AJ sighed, "I can help here, just tell me what to do." She made her way over to him.

"No, I got it under control. You go sit." He nodded to her as she smiled, "You've been on your feet all day."

"I have." AJ agreed, walking over to the table and sitting down, looking over at him with a smile. She didn't realise she did it, but sometimes she just found herself gazing at him with so much love. In this moment she really couldn't see a future without him in it.

Punk successfully cooked them dinner without burning the house down, sitting at the table and chatting about their day at work, chatting about anything really, and laughing a lot. It was the best remedy to any stressful day.

"So you didn't go to prom?" Punk asked her as the conversation subject popped up.

"No." AJ shook her head, "Well my dad hadn't long died so, wasn't in a prom kinda mood really."

"How did he die?" He asked curiously, "I don't think you mentioned it."

"He had cancer." AJ nodded, "And he didn't tell anyone about it. Including me and my mom. Wasn't until the last week where he got really sick and admitted to hospital that we found out he'd been dealing with for a year." She said, "Brain tumour." She nodded.

"Man, that must have been tricky to hide from your family." Punk shook his head.

"He would sort of come and go from the house so sometimes we wouldn't see him anyway." AJ said, "Pretty sure he was having an affair too. I guess I can't frown upon that anymore, would make me a little bit of a hypocrite." She shrugged.

"You didn't have an affair. You came clean right away." Punk reminded her as she nodded, "That's the opposite of an affair." He said.

"I just think my parents stayed together because of me and really I wanted to just tell them that they didn't have to. It would have been better for all of us if they just split up." She shook her head, "But I guess that wasn't an ideal situation for them."

"Yeah I don't get when couples stay together just for their kids. Ends up being more damaging for the long haul." Punk nodded, "Not that I'd know but… I'd imagine it's pretty shit having to grow up watching your parents actively dislike each other." He shook his head.

"Yeah it's not ideal." AJ shook her head, "Kinda get used as bait sometimes too. Like if they had a fight, my mom would always threaten to take me away. My dad would do it too." AJ said, "Just felt like I was in the middle all the time and… never once did they listen to what I wanted or how I felt." She said.

"Bet it felt good to get away and get out on your own." Punk nodded.

"It did." AJ nodded, "I guess if anything it made me independent from a young age."

"I can see that." He smiled, laughing a little.

"What does that mean?" AJ smiled.

"You just seem like you know how to take care of yourself." He nodded, "You should have seen me and Dean when we first moved out, trying to live on our own, realising that ordering take out every night sort of eats your money away." He said as she chuckled.

"I bet your mom helped you out a lot, though." AJ smiled.

"She did." He nodded, "But she wasn't one of those moms who did everything for us. She just made time to teach us." He said, "God, I gotta stop doing that." He realised again.

"What?" AJ asked.

"I talk about her like she's in the past." He shook his head, "I don't know why. She's still here." He said.

"Yeah but… part of her is different now. In some ways it's not the same mom you knew growing up." AJ nodded.

"How long do you think she has?" Punk asked, "I mean… head things are your specialty, right?" He figured.

"Well she has vascular dementia so… normally the life expectancy from when the person first develops symptoms and until they die is about five years." She nodded, "People have gone on for longer, though."

"She's been dealing with this for about three." Punk nodded to himself.

"She seems fit and healthy." AJ nodded positively.

"Yeah but do I wanna see her struggle on the way she is?" Punk asked, "Sounds awful saying that."

"No, it doesn't. Nobody wants to see someone they love struggle on, losing quality of their life." AJ said.

"In her better state of mind she'd really like you." Punk nodded to her as she smiled.

"Well, when we met at the hospital, she did like my name." AJ smiled, "Maybe I could… meet her out of uniform one day." She nodded to him as he smiled.

"Alright, I know you're stuffed but I did get dessert." He told her.

"I will never turn down dessert." She smiled, watching him wander over to the fridge. There was a new found happiness in her life. The way she could just sit with him and talk about whatever was on her mind, it was special and so rare.


"You know you and Dean should really just switch apartments at this point." Renee laughed a little the next day, standing at the nurses station filling in some charts with AJ.

"Actually we weren't at the apartment last night." AJ smiled.

"Did you do it on the fire truck again?" Renee gasped.

"No." AJ laughed, "No, he took me to their mom's house." She nodded.

"Gross, you did it on his mom's bed? What are you 18?" Renee scoffed.

"No. No, we had dinner there." AJ shook her head, "He cooked, it was really sweet. And the house is amazing. We did have sex in the kitchen." She added.

"That's still gross you had sex in his mother's house." Renee scoffed.

"It's not like she was standing watching." AJ shook her head, "Don't quote me on it but I could totally live my ass off in there." She nodded, "It's like… a house you dream about when you imagine yourself all grown up."

"Dean said they'll probably just sell it and split the money." Renee said, "It wouldn't be fair if one of them got to live in it." She shook her head, "And the other had to go start a mortgage from scratch."

"Yeah I know." AJ nodded, "They could work it out, though. If they really wanted to."

"Mendez." Shauna crept up on them both as they jumped.

"Uh… I was just filling in these charts they're-"

"Yeah ok. Your mother is down at the entrance. Says she wants to speak with you." Shauna nodded.

"Oh, can you tell her I'm busy." AJ nodded, turning back around.

"Uh… do I look like your PA?" Shauna questioned as AJ turned to her, "You go tell herself you're too busy." She nodded, "Young, get to work. You've been writing on that chart all morning." She shook her head, walking off as Renee rolled her eyes.

"If I'm not back in ten minutes call the police." AJ told Renee.

"Why?" Renee chuckled.

"This is the first time I've seen my mom since she found out me and Jason split up." AJ told her.

"Oh… well good luck." Renee nodded as AJ left the wing and headed down to the main entrance of the hospital.

She spotted her mother standing over by the door, dressed well and ready to argue no doubt.

"Hey, mom." AJ smiled nervously, walking towards Jeanette.

"Hey mom?" Jeanette questioned as AJ looked at her, "I am not dumb enough to come here and expect you to have time to talk to me but I want you to know I expect you at my house tonight, so we can discuss what is going on."

"Going on with what?" AJ shook her head.

"With your life. And the mess it's in." Jeanette groaned.

"It's not a mess." AJ scoffed, "Not completely."

"Just see me at my house when you're finished." Jeanette nodded, turning around and walking out of the hospital as AJ sighed to herself. All she had was dread.