Yeah officially bloatflies shoot larvae but you see your character covered in slime.

Begin Recording

Most Embarrassing Moment

Recording by Scribe Ellison

And then there was that time half the Institute saw me naked.

I was rushing to help out with a raider attack at Tenpines, I'd been out hunting so it was just me and Dogmeat and we were in a well patrolled area so I wasn't paying enough attention. I didn't see the pool around the overpass support column until I was right up to it and up came four big bloatflies. Really big, one glowing, and they all hit me at once.

If you're lucky enough never to have been hit by a bloatfly, the big ones shoot this poison goo. Their bodies hold onto toxic chemicals and bacteria just to spit at any life forms that get close. The stuff works through the skin and it's bad enough to knock down a brahmin in ten yards so the bloatflies can feed on the carcass.

Power armor provides full protection, even a good suit of cage armor helps. I was wearing pieces of armor over fabric.

I barely had time to realize what happened before the goo soaked through my clothes and the smell hit and dropped me to my knees retching up everything I'd eaten that day while the bloatflies kept spitting at my back.

Suddenly I was in more trouble than the settlers at Tenpines. This stuff would kill me before I could get to a doctor. My hands and feet were already going numb. I yelled to Dogmeat to go home and forced my fingers to hit the right buttons on the Pip-boy to activate the molecular relay.

It delivered me to my quarters, not the usual arrival room—apparently it's programmed to do that when detecting abnormal vital signs—but I didn't have time to wonder, too busy getting my poison soaked gear off and getting to the shower. While I was still throwing up and my hands weren't working.

The polite synth appeared to save my life and I managed to communicate that my clothes were poisoned and I needed to wash this muck off. He helped me get my boots and gun harness off and I managed to finish stripping and get under the shower. It felt like it took forever before I finally felt clean water washing off the stinking goo. Standing up was too much work so I curled up on the floor of the shower under the spray.

The polite synth said, "It seems you need medical attention. I will bring help."

I waved one hand in a 'yeah, you should do that' kind of way and went back to trying to wash with numb hands.

A minute later in came Doctor Volkert and all his nurses to see the effects of this surface world toxin, and a lab assistant from Bioscience to collect a sample of goop for analysis and Allie to make sure I was all right and the boy synth peeking in the door until someone banished him. I suddenly had enough energy to make panic noises and yank the shower curtain closed.

The Institute's medical team is completely professional and Doctor Volkert directed two female synth assistants to get me a shower chair and help me finish washing myself off and get out of the water and into a bathrobe. So I guess half the Institute saw me half naked.

Doctor Volkert checked my vitals and my hands and feet, which were getting some movement and feeling back. "You got here in time, I believe. Expect an unpleasant day or two but a full recovery seems likely. Now, I want you in the hospital where you can be monitored and retrieve hydration."

Not what I wanted to hear; the medical wing of the Institute is centrally located and not at all private. But once I was in a medical bed getting medicine through an iv, I did feel better.

Allie arranged some privacy screens so nobody could gawk and said, "Clayton wants to hear everything you know about bloatflies once you're feeling better. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Make sure my dog's ok?" I begged.

Allie frowned a little but said doubtfully, "I'll see what I can do."

My eyes were closing, I wasn't exactly sleepy but I was feeling better enough to want to shut out the world and just recover for a little while. There was definitely some med-x in that iv bag and without the adrenaline of combat it was going straight to my head. And I'd really better not talk to anybody in the Institute while stoned.

Of course as soon as I thought that my brain decided to whine, "He didn't come check on me."

Allie sighed, "Shaun isn't very good with things like this. I guarantee he's interrogating Doctor Volkert though, to make sure you'll be all right."

I mumbled something about bloatflies and my dignity and pulled the sheet up over my face. Allie chuckled sympathetically and I heard her leave.

I didn't actually doze off, I could hear people moving around and talking quietly, the usual sort of background noise of the Institute. It's very restful, a quieter quiet than we have in Sanctuary. And you know you're not going to be awakened by a raider attack, which helps. Doctor Holdren turned up talking in hushed excited tones about 'refined environmental toxins' and 'reversible neural disruption.' I pretended to be asleep, to save that conversation for when I wasn't quite so heavily medicated.

Later on he worked out that bloatflies do interesting things to whatever toxic substances they absorb from their environment, so each bloatfly will spit a different flavor of disgusting ooze. Oh, and they hold the toxin in a sac that's 'analogous to the uterus' except that males also have it, they just don't also keep larvae in it. Doctor Holdren had a lot of fun dissecting a bunch of bloatflies that I brought him. But that was later.

After some time I heard heavy footsteps approach and stop. I rolled over and looked, wondering—but it was X6-88.

"I accompanied your dog to the settlement of Tenpines Bluff. The settlers recently repelled a raider attack with little obvious damage. I did not reveal my presence to them."

Relief or maybe the chems made my head spin. "Thank you."

A pause then X6 asked, "What is the rationale for spending Institute resources to ensure the safety of an animal?"

I closed my eyes again. "There is no rationale. He's my dog. I love him."

"I see." X6 said. I had to look but the courser's face was as always blank of emotion. I was pretty sure he didn't see, unless he was just filing my words away as one more human emotion thing not worth thinking about. I was in no state to have a philosophical discussion with a courser, even though I was curious how much was really going on behind their blank faces and creepy sunglasses.

The next morning I was back on my feet and happy to find my quarters and my gear had been cleaned. I thanked the polite synth profusely and tried to tip him a bag of caps, which he refused. I hadn't really noticed him before, though I'd seen him around. The polite synth was a gen-three but he was bald and pasty skinned and looked more synthetic than most of the synths in the institute. He must be an early model.

"T4-61, ma'am. I am Father's assistant and have been assigned to look after your quarters as well."

"I really appreciate it, especially now. Is there anything I can do to thank you, if I can't give you some caps?" He'd cleaned up after I got sick everywhere; he deserved something!

"No ma'am. It is my duty."

He seemed to mean it. I couldn't think of anything else, so I bought a bunch of the tastiest food bars from the canteen and kept them in my quarters and told him to help himself. Not sure he ever did; I think the kid ate most of them.

And that's why the Institute was so tempting. Of course I wanted someone else to do my chores for free so I could have clean clothes and food delivered anytime I wanted. But the moment it was someone not something washing your clothes for free, then it wasn't fair and that'll come back to bite you.