Old Wounds
"Why would they be at Kat's together?" AJ shook her head, sitting across from Renee in a coffee shop. Renee had a day off and decided to let AJ in on what she and Dean had heard from Kat, about Jason and Jeanette's meet-up at the bar. It may not have held great significance for all they knew, but she just had to tell her friend about it.
"I have no idea." Renee shook her head, stirring her iced coffee, "Me and Dean have racked our brains about it since Kat told us. Trying to think about what they'd be talking about."
"Me." AJ nodded, she knew that much.
"But why? What's there to talk about?" Renee laughed a little, "I mean, unless they're just gossiping about you, and your mom is filling him in, maybe telling him you've had a baby and you're married." She shrugged.
"Do you think… Do you think they've been close all this time? Do you think they've been in contact?" AJ asked. She didn't know what to think. She felt like a high school girl who'd just been told her friends had been talking about her behind her back. She felt like she was being pointed at and stared at. A feeling she felt so many times as a teenager growing up under her mother's watch. It was a horrible feeling, leaving a pit of emptiness in her stomach. That dared brought out the girl she was before she met her husband. The girl who conformed and nodded her head.
"Maybe, who knows?" Renee shook her head, "Or she's just got word that he's back in town and she called him up to catch up with him. I guess they were always pretty close, right?" Renee nodded.
"Yeah." AJ nodded, staring off in a trance as Renee watched her.
"Hey." Renee said, "Look, I was super hesitant to tell you about this, because I really didn't want you to worry or focus your attention on it. You're above them. And you're right to keep your mother out of your life."
"I thought he was being genuine." AJ thought to herself.
"What?" Renee asked, not following.
"Oh, I met Jason outside the hospital the other day. Matteo just got his shots and he wasn't settling so I took a seat outside and he came over." AJ nodded, "He was… just being friendly." AJ said.
"Odds are he's moved on. He's got to have moved on. It's been years." Renee assured her.
"Then what would him and my mom have to talk about?" AJ shook her head, "Unless like you said, she was filling him in about me. About me marrying Phil and having Matteo." She said. Even just the thought of that made her blood boil. Even telling her mother how she felt about her, so honestly wishing for her to stay out of her life, somehow she still felt like she had a grasp on her.
"Well how sad and pathetic." Renee rolled her eyes, "Don't they have anything better to do?"
"My mother certainly doesn't." AJ shook her head, "What if she's trying to lash out at me for not letting her see Matteo?" She wondered.
"Lash out at you by doing what?" Renee asked, "There's nothing she could say to Jason or to anyone that will change the fact you're married to someone you love, with a family, and you're happy."
"She doesn't care about any of that." AJ shook her head, "Maybe I should talk to her-"
"No, you don't need to do this." Renee warned her, noticing the worried look on her friends face, "She's not for you to worry about anymore. You know you deserve better than her. You know that now. She doesn't deserve any of your time, so don't… don't convince yourself that she does." She nodded as AJ sighed to herself.
"Kinda wish you never told me about this." AJ sighed a little with a small smile as Renee nodded.
"I know, I'm sorry." Renee frowned.
"No, I… I appreciate you telling me." AJ nodded honestly, "I just can't figure it out."
"Me neither." Renee shook her head, "Maybe they're just friends. I mean… they're both kinda weird, right?" She smiled, coaxing a smile from AJ too who nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, they are." AJ nodded along, feeling Renee slide her hand over and place it over hers.
"Don't let it get to you." Renee said, "It's not worth it." She said as AJ nodded, but on the inside she was shaking her head.
"Hey, look it's mommy." Punk smiled, standing in Matteo's nursery where he was changing a diaper, watching as AJ came through the door after arriving back home from her outing with Renee. He was off from work and was glad to send his wife out for the day for a couple of hours whilst he stayed home with Matteo.
"Hey." AJ smiled, so incredibly happy to see her boys, walking to the side of the changing table and stroking Matteo's cheek, "I see the house is still standing. That's good." She teased, looking over at Punk.
"He's a simple guy. He likes to eat, sleep and then… crap his pants. It's all good." Punk nodded as AJ chuckled, watching him pop the buttons of Matteo's clean onesie he had just put on. Her heart always swelled in size when she saw how gentle her husband was with their baby boy. It was the most gentle she could imagine someone ever being.
"Did you spend the day with daddy?" AJ cooed at Matteo, brushing her hand over his hair softly, "Huh? Did you have guys day in with daddy? Did you give him a real messy diaper?" AJ nodded enthusiastically as Punk scoffed.
"Yeah, no surprise there. I swear he's eating Indian food on the down low." Punk shook his head as AJ chuckled, taking hold of Matteo's hand as he grabbed her finger, wriggling his legs and making those adorable baby noises.
"I missed him." AJ nodded.
"Did you have fun?" He smiled, lifting Matteo from the changing table, putting him into his crib as AJ stood back, playing with the teddy bears on the window sill.
"Yeah." AJ said. She wished she could have said it more enthusiastically.
"Don't sound too excited." Punk teased, "Did Renee stand you up?" He smiled, watching as AJ switched on Matteo's light projector.
"No, she was there." AJ smiled softly, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around him.
"Did you guys have a fight or something? You seem kinda sad." Punk said, brushing his hand down the back of her head as she rested her cheek against his chest.
"She told me that… that Kat saw my mom and Jason together in the bar one night." AJ told him, looking up at him as he made a grossed out face.
"Together?" Punk raised his eyebrows.
"Oh, not like that." AJ laughed into his chest a little, "No, they were just talking. Probably about me." She nodded, looking over the crib at Matteo who was fast asleep after enjoying a bottle and getting a clean diaper. Knowing her baby was healthy and happy really lifted her mood.
They left the nursery and headed into their bedroom where AJ took her coat off and Punk sat down on the bed.
"So what's up? What you thinking?" Punk asked,
"I'm thinking what the hell would they have to talk about?" AJ shook her head, "And then I realise it's obvious. Me. They're obviously talking about me." She nodded as he looked over at her.
"Or maybe they just met up to have a drink or something." Punk shrugged. It was his job to ease her worries.
"My mom doesn't drink." AJ shook her head, "And she doesn't meet people in bars. She meets people for breakfast. Or for coffee." She nodded to herself, "She was obviously telling him about us, right? Telling him I'm married and I have a baby."
"You said when you met him he… he was fine. Friendly even." Punk said, "Your mom is nosey as all hell, right? So maybe she heard he was back in town and she wanted to know what he'd been up to for the past few years." He shrugged as AJ looked at him, thinking about that scenario and nodding.
"Yeah, maybe." AJ nodded, "She was probably curious why he left town." She thought about it.
"Look, this… this isn't worth your time. Your mother is not worth your time." He reiterated.
"It is so easy for everyone else to say that." AJ said with frustration, "I know she's not worth my time, but I… I still think about it. I still wake up at night and think maybe I'm being cruel keeping her away from Matteo-"
"It's not cruel." Punk assured her, "The woman is a terror. You let her in and she's gonna tell you you're doing everything wrong. And you'll believe her."
"You think I would?" She asked him, "Cause I'm a pushover?"
"I didn't say that." Punk clarified.
"Well it sounded like that." AJ said.
"Ape, I think you tend to think that about yourself way more than I ever have." He nodded as she looked at him, "She's not been in your life for years and you've… you've done better for it. You know you have. Let them meet up and talk about you. It's pathetic if that's what they're doing. Like a couple high school kids." He shook his head.
"Yeah, that's how it feels like." AJ nodded.
"Please don't stress about this. Neither one of them is worth the worry. And I know that's easier coming from me because it's… it's not my mother or my ex but… you're beyond them. Way beyond them." He said.
"I know that, but I can't change how it makes me feel. I can't just… not be bothered about it." AJ shook her head, "You just… you don't understand. You grew up with a mom who… read you stories before bed and hugged you." She said as he looked across at her, "I read myself the stories."
"All the more reason to keep her out of your life. She's no mom." Punk shook his head.
"But she is. She is my mom." AJ said. It was a battle she thought she had won, a battle she had with herself and her feeling towards her mother. But this proved to her she hadn't won anything.
"April-"
"No, even when she was here… when she came into the house uninvited weeks ago… part of me wanted her to stay. Why?" She asked him, "Why can't I just hate her?" She shook her head angrily.
"Cause you're a good person." Punk nodded, "And you wanna hold onto something."
"I just can't switch her off. When she talks to me I still… I still feel like I'm twelve." AJ said, pacing in front of him, "I feel like I'm twelve right now and she's about to… storm into this room and… tell me something about myself that I'll believe." She nodded with a shaky voice as Punk looked at her worriedly.
"You're not twelve. And you don't have to believe anything she says." He nodded, "Look at me." He told her as she looked at him, "It's me you're with." He told her, reaching over and taking her hands, pulling her over to him, "And you can just be you when you're with me." He reminded her as she nodded, placing her hands on his shoulders, "And you know these feelings will pass, and you know you don't need that woman in your life." He said as AJ nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as he looked up at her.
He didn't doubt that he didn't really know the full extent to her relationship with her mother as a child and a teen. Part of him was scared to ask. The wounds were deep. He knew that for sure.
