Hell


"Hey, what are you doing?" Punk asked, walking into the living room with scrunched up sleepy eyes. It was through the night, and when he turned in bed to hug into his wife, he realised she wasn't there, which wasn't abnormal over the past few days.

"I just can't sleep." She said, sitting on the sofa with a blanket. The TV was on with replays of different talk shows. He knew she hated talk shows, so it was really only on for background noise.

"You want me to make you some tea?" Punk asked tiredly, running his hand through his dishevelled hair which was normally slicked back, during the night it really just had a mind of its own.

"I already made some and… it didn't really help." She said, pointing to her empty mug on the coffee table, "I did express some milk, though." She nodded positively, "Feel like a bit of a cow." She said as he smiled a little.

"That's good. Maybe I can get up with him in the morning. Let you lie in." He nodded to her as she smiled.

"Oh, I'll probably be awake anyway." AJ said.

"Is there maybe something you could get prescribed with? Something to help you sleep?" He asked, sitting down on the sofa beside the one she was sitting on.

"You want me to pop sleeping pills?" AJ asked, "Whilst I'm breast feeding?" She smiled a little as he nodded to himself, not even realising.

"Ok, forget I said that." He laughed, feeling a little foolish.

"I wouldn't take stuff like that anyway. They just turn you into a zombie." She shook her head.

"You need you sleep, April. Your body is gonna get shot." He said worriedly.

"I nap during the day when Matteo naps." She shrugged.

"That's not enough." He said, "What's going on? Talk to me." He nodded. Now he realised how she felt when he was shut off after the death of his two friends. He realised they really were cut from the same cloth. But there was nothing they couldn't tell each other, sometimes they just liked to hold it in.

"Nothing, I'm just finding it hard to sleep." AJ shrugged, "Maybe the stay at home mom thing is just taking a little time to get used to." She said.

"Well I know that's not the reason you're not sleeping." He said as AJ looked at him, "If it's about your mom then talk to me. Tell me what you're worried about." He encouraged as she pulled the blanket closer to her.

"I just wanna know what they were talking about." AJ shrugged, "Knowing they were together just makes me anxious." She nodded to him. That and a whole other bunch of things was on her mind. Her mother was on her mind and that was never good. That was something she thought she'd worked through over the past few years.

"They're pathetic. It doesn't matter what they were talking about, it's not worth your time." He nodded, "Odds are she got word he was back in town and just wanted to catch up with him." He said, just saying anything to ease her mind, "I mean, you said they got along well so… maybe it was just that."

"They did get along well." AJ nodded, "Sometimes I felt like they were a better couple than me and Jason were." She shook her head.

"Well they got a lot in common." Punk scoffed.

"It's weird to look back on it now. I really thought I loved him. But… I didn't love him. My mom wanted me to love him so I… I don't know, I just adapted to what she wanted. He was her ideal son-in-law and I turned that into my world and decided that he would be my ideal husband." She nodded, "It's like I had no original thought in my brain." She shook her head.

"You did. Cause you got out and you didn't listen to her in the end." He reminded her.

"In the end? Why did the end have to be me as a grown woman? Why didn't I realise all of this when I was a teenager?" AJ shook her head.

"Cause… well she's your mom and I know that you're the type of person who likes to see good in people." He nodded.

"There's no good in her." AJ shook her head.

"Was living with her more hell than you've let onto me?" He asked. He had to. He couldn't get that image of her in the bath tub out of his mind. She was like a frightened little girl, consumed by all her nightmares.

"What's your definition of hell?" She asked him.

"Well after you told me about how she reacted to what happened to you in school… I kinda wondered if she was capable of that sort of cruelty, what else was she capable of saying to you or convincing you of?" He looked across at her.

"She used to… buy me clothes in a smaller size and change the label to bigger one. Told me I'd put weight on." She nodded to him, "And I would believe her. I was just all bones and I'd still believe her." She shook her head to herself, "She'd shave my legs. She wouldn't let me do it."

"Why not?" He questioned.

"She said it was easy to cut yourself so she would do it." She shrugged, "When I was twelve I had this boyfriend." She smiled a little at the childishness of it, "You know when you're young and you have a boyfriend or girlfriend at school?" She asked.

"Sure." He laughed a little.

"I started talking about him one day to my mom. I was a child." AJ shook her head, "She took me to the doctors and had them examine me to make sure I was still a virgin. I had no idea what it was even for at the time. I was just scared and… traumatised." She shook her head as he looked across at her, not really knowing what to say.

"H-How…" Punk paused, looking over at her, realising that perhaps he just didn't know his wife's upbringing like the thought he did. Sure he knew it was miserable and maybe even unbearable, but hearing this just made him hurt for her.

"How?" AJ questioned, "How did I get cursed with satan as a mom?" She finished for him in a questioning tone.

"Well, yeah. But also how did you grow up and… still keep her in your life?" Punk questioned.

"When my dad died she kinda gloved onto me. I don't know why cause she hated my dad. I just think she didn't wanna be alone. And if she drove me away, she would be alone. And that made me feel sorry for her. I don't know how to explain the way I feel towards my mother. I know it's frustrating." She nodded.

"It's not frustrating. I'm just worried about you and… the way she makes you feel. Even when she's not around. I mean you've not slept for three nights in a row now." He said, "That's not a mom. Mom's don't make their kids feel like that." He nodded.

"I wouldn't know." She whispered, "When she came here, and she brought all those things for Matteo, and she was giving me tips… part of me just wanted to listen and believe she was here for me. Part of me wants her to be overjoyed by Matteo. But maybe that's just the little girl she never loved inside of me coming out." She shrugged, "This is a lot for you and I can… I can handle my mom on my own-"

"No, you don't have to. I'm here for you. Just like you were there for me. I know that it's easier to just tell yourself you'll handle it on your own. Me and you, we're similar that way." He said as she nodded with a smile, "But it's never the right thing to do. I'm here for you. To get whatever it is off your chest."

"She never beat me." AJ clarified, "My dad didn't either." She said. She felt like she needed to address that to him. It also made her feel better, which she knew was ridiculous. As if that was the standard of good parents. Not beating their children.

"What she did was still abusive." Punk nodded, "And hurtful. And straight up wrong."

"How come it never felt wrong at the time?" She asked, "When I told her about what happened to me in school… she made me believe that it was just in my head. And then I started to think… well maybe I didn't… not enjoy it. And then I convinced myself that was what happened. I believed my mom's made up version of what happened over my version, the version that… I felt and was present in." She shook her head to herself, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"You can't have someone like that in your life, April." He shook his head, "You just can't." He shook his head. He could be diplomatic and see different point of views. Of course he could. If the reason she didn't get along with her mother was because of some stupid fight, one stupid fight, then maybe he'd look at things differently but he'd heard enough about Jeanette. Enough to know he wanted his wife far away from her as possible.

"I just wanna know what they were talking about." AJ whispered as he looked over at her.

He got up from the couch he was sitting on, joining her and sitting down beside her as he wrapped his arm around her, simultaneously feeling her pull him close.

"Try to sleep." He said softly as she leaned into him, feeling warm and safe in his arms.


"Hey, what are you doing here? Don't you have a day off?" Renee asked, finding Punk standing at the nurses station at the hospital the next morning, with baby Matteo sleeping in his carrier which was sat on the desk.

"I do. I was popping out for breakfast before April wakes up." He said as Renee nodded, too interested in fussing over Matteo, "Don't wake him." Punk told Renee.

"Like I would wake a sleeping baby." Renee rolled her eyes, "I think every time I see him he gets more adorable." She nodded as Punk smiled.

"I think so too." Punk agreed.

"So what are you doing here?" Renee questioned as Punk looked at her.

"Just… checking something." Punk nodded. He rolled his eyes at himself for not thinking of something better to say.

"Checking what?" Renee shook her head with confusion, "Are you ok?" She wondered.

"I'm fine." Punk assured her, "It's just work related." He nodded, "My chief sent me." He elaborated, hoping it was enough to keep Renee from asking further questions.

"Oh, well I can't really stay and chat, or I'll get my ass kicked." Renee said, "Tell April I said hi."

"I will." Punk smiled, watching her rush off down the corridor.

"Ok." The nurse behind the desk appeared from the back, "Here are April's medical files." She handed over some folders to Punk as he immediately felt someone swoop in and grab them before he could take them.

"Uh… I don't think so." Shauna stood defiantly as Punk turned to her, "You got a lot to answer for." She looked at the nurse behind the desk.

"He's her husband." The nurse defended as Shauna stared at her until she disappeared.

"Here I was thinking I was excited to see my favourite baby boy and then I hear his daddy is going about asking for medical files?" She questioned.

"She's my wife. I'm allowed to look at them." Punk nodded.

"No, I don't think so. Not without her permission which I just know you've not gotten." Shauna said, "Marriage does not mean entitlement." She looked at him angrily.

"You need to chill out. I was just checking something." Punk defended, "Shouldn't you be in a surgery right now? Instead of barking at me?"

"I like you, Phil. I like you a lot. But I like April a lot better. So under my watch, you don't get to see this without her being with you. So whatever it is you want to know, if she's your wife, you should just ask her." Shauna nodded, "Getting medical files in my hospital." She muttered to herself at the audacity, walking back behind the desk and into the back as Punk sighed to himself.

"She's a pain in my ass, Matteo." Punk turned to his son who was still sleeping in his carrier.


A/N: Thank you for the reviews and support as always!