A/N: A little one-shot post-"Star of the Sea," exploring what life would be like if Seth and Jessica were married and Morag was their dog. And yes, I went there. Don't hate me.
Seth was in bed beside his wife, listening to her soft snores, along with those of their dog, Morag, who was on her dog bed by the door. He had been awake for the last half hour feeling a bit of chest pain, fairly certain it was indigestion, but not sure if he was willing to risk his life if he was wrong.
He ran through his symptoms again in his head, and felt fairly confident that the discomfort was more pain than tightness. His left arm felt fine. His pulse was normal. But looking over at Jessica, peacefully sleeping with one hand curled under her pillow, he knew that he could not risk it. Even if he was wrong and died with her never knowing he had any warning, he could not do it to her. Besides, he was never much of a risk taker and the thought of losing any time with the woman of his dreams was absurd. If he was a patient of his, he would already be yelling at him to get moving.
Reaching with his hand, he moved her shoulder to wake her. It was two in the morning and she was in a deep sleep. It took him several firm shakes of her shoulder to wake her up before she became aware of her surroundings.
"Darling, what is it? Is something wrong?" Her voice was husky and raspy from sleep.
"Sweetheart, I need you to wake up and listen to me."
Hearing the seriousness in his voice, she gripped his hand, sitting up beside him.
"What's going on?"
"I believe that I am alright, but I am having a bit of chest pain and I think it would be wise to go to the hospital. I-"
Interrupting him, she jumped out of bed, "What? Have you called 911 yet?"
"No, not yet."
"Well, I can't drive you!"
Working to keep his voice calm, as she was clearly already in a panic, he responded, "I know, woman. I think I'm fine."
"You obviously don't know that for sure, or you wouldn't be telling me you need to go to the hospital!"
"Jess. Just let me-"
"No, you be quiet, Seth Hazlitt!" She said, holding out her hand to stop him from arguing with her, she would right this ship, grasping at any control she could, damn it. Picking up the phone and calling 911, she somehow managed to speak into the receiver, sounding far calmer as she asked for an ambulance without sirens at this hour. No need to wake the whole neighborhood.
Hanging up the phone, she opened her bedside drawer, finding some aspirin, and handing two to Seth with her water glass.
Chagrined that he hadn't thought of aspirin already himself, he swallowed the pills, and handed the glass back to her.
"Can you get dressed on your own or do you need help?"
He assured her that he could dress, and they both did so quickly, with Jessica rushing downstairs to let Morag outside and making sure the front door was unlocked for the paramedics.
By the time she came back upstairs with Morag hot on her heels, Seth was fully dressed and she walked beside him as they went downstairs together to wait. Morag rested at their feet as they sat on the couch holding hands.
Jessica was determined not to cry, but she was becoming more anxious and frenetic as the moments passed. It had not even been five minutes yet, since she had called for the ambulance, but the seconds felt like hours. She wished she could do something, but instead she watched Seth with eagle eyes, but he seemed to be breathing fine, even as he tried to make subtle shifts to get comfortable next to her. She could tell he was in pain by those movements and the way his jaw had tightened and it frightened her.
When they heard the ambulance pull up in front of the house, they stood up, scratching Morag's head in goodbye, before opening the door.
The two young paramedics appeared surprised to see them both dressed at the door, ready to leave. "Everything okay, Dr. Hazlitt? We got a call."
"Ayuh, just a bit of chest pain."
Both men sprang into action, helping Seth get onto a stretcher in the back of the ambulance, checking his vital signs, while firing a line of questions to him that he answered quickly. Jessica climbed in beside them, trying to stay out of the way, while watching everything in great detail. Placing her hand on Seth's leg, she tried to grasp at any bit of comfort that they both could appreciate.
By the time they arrived at the hospital, Seth was rushed past the double doors into immediate testing, leaving Jessica behind to wait, feeling as if her fear would cause the floor to open up and swallow her whole.
There had been barely a moment to kiss his cheek and tell him she loved him, before he was taken away from her.
This couldn't be possible. Jessica couldn't lose Seth the same way she lost Frank. God wasn't merciless, was he? All the years that she refused to fall in love again or rather, admit she already had. And now, newly married to Seth, could history be repeating itself? She could not wrap her head around what was happening, nor could she allow her mind to return to the past. Even so, her body seemed to take over, paralyzing her mind as well, in crippling fear. All she could do was feel the icy coldness of it wrap around her own heart, squeezing her chest tightly. Her brain had stopped functioning. She stood in the center of the waiting room, unaware of her surroundings, vaguely feeling tears fall.
An older nurse who recognized her, came from behind the admitting desk.
"Mrs. Hazlitt, why don't you sit over here in this quiet corner? This sofa is the most comfortable furniture we have. As soon as I have any information about how Dr. Hazlitt is, I will be right out to tell you. Would you like any coffee?"
Shaking her head no, Jessica allowed the woman to lead her to the small sofa and she sat down where the nurse pointed. The nurse's badge was turned the wrong way around, but even if she could see her name, she knew she would never remember it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the woman place a box of tissues within reach before walking away. A TV was on one side of the waiting area with a news channel on. She was the only person there.
Shock. She was in shock. But even though she realized it, she could not do anything about it, but sit and wait.
Not knowing how much time had passed, she heard her name called. Or rather the only person to call her by what she supposed had become a nickname over the years, as her surname no longer began with F.
"Mrs. F?"
She knew it was Mort who said her name, but she couldn't seem to move her head to acknowledge him.
He sat down beside her on the sofa and waited. She thought she heard him whisper, "I heard the 911 call. I'm here, Mrs. F. I'm going to wait here with you. Doc will be okay."
She could not even nod. She was in hell.
S/J
Sometime later, a doctor she didn't know came to speak to her.
"Mrs. Hazlitt?"
She stood up to face him quickly, Mort standing up behind her. This was the moment of truth. What would this man tell her? That she had married another man with a fatal heart condition or that Seth only had a bad case of indigestion? Was her husband even still alive?
"Mrs. Hazlitt. I'm Dr. Sinclair. I reviewed all of the tests and Dr. Hazlitt had a minor heart attack."
"Nooo…" she moaned, feeling her knees give way, but somehow Mort had anticipated her reaction and caught her, preventing her from falling as he helped her sit back down. The doctor watched her for a moment, even pausing to take her pulse, before moving a chair over to continue speaking to her while sitting, Mort now with an arm around her shoulders to keep her safe.
"Mrs. Hazlitt, I believe he is going to be fine. It was a minor heart attack, but out of an abundance of caution, we went ahead and did an emergency stent procedure. He was awake during the procedure and only needed a slight sedative. He is in recovery to watch his vitals and as soon as he is able, I will have a nurse come get you to see him."
She had so many questions, but nothing formed in her mind to leave her mouth. Staring at the doctor, mute, Mort came to her rescue, thanking the doctor before he nodded at them both, taking his leave.
When they were alone, Jessica finally lost it. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she doubled over, chest heaving and breath coming in gasps.
To his credit, Mort patted her back even if a bit awkwardly, as he said, "It's alright, Mrs. F. He's going to be okay. You did the right thing by getting him here."
Body heaving, she said, angrily, "That blasted man almost didn't wake me! He thought it was indigestion! He could have died and left me, just like-"
She couldn't say Frank's name. She couldn't speak it into reality.
Mort wasn't sure if he should talk or not, but he felt compelled to, hoping she would not turn her anger to him. "Mrs. F, Doc knows what you are afraid of. I'm sure that's why he woke you and a good thing he did. He is strong and so are you. He will be alright."
Within a short time, the older nurse from earlier appeared before them both, asking them to follow her to Seth's room. Mort wrapped Jessica's hand around his arm, determined to make sure she maintained her footing, as he led her down the hall.
When they arrived at Seth's room, he was in a hospital bed with beeping machines and an IV. The room was too bright so late in the night, but as he was being closely monitored, it would probably be a while before he would rest anyway. He appeared tired, but otherwise well. Jessica pulled away from Mort when they reached the doorway, rushing to fling herself across Seth's body, weeping once again.
Seth wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could, while keeping his IV tubing free. Looking over her shoulder, Seth made eye contact with Mort, thanking him wordlessly. Mort tipped his fingers in goodbye, leaving the two of them alone.
Seth held Jessica against his chest as she cried, aware that she had rested her ear against his heart to hear it beat. He could not stop his own tears from falling, trying to wipe them away before she became aware of them.
Running his hand through the softness of her hair, he asked, "Jess, I suppose the doctor told you?"
Nodding against his chest, he waited to see if she would say anything, but when it became apparent that she couldn't or wouldn't, he spoke again.
"It was a minor heart attack. I didn't have a lot of the normal symptoms like arm pain or tightness. But by the time I arrived, I was having shortness of breath and I told him once he knew what it was, to take care of it immediately…I knew that neither one of us would be able to rest until the artery was clear. Anyway, I'll be as good as new in a week or so."
Pulling away to look directly at him for the first time since waking up to this nightmare, she sat up on the side of his bed, staring into his hazel eyes.
"That's what Frank said to me, too, and he was dead six months after his minor heart attack."
It was not fair for her to say that. She knew it and he knew it. Frank had other heart issues that had been hereditary and he had not taken its progression as seriously as he should have.
They both knew it was sheer terror that was causing her reaction anyway.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I would do absolutely anything to stay by your side. You have to know that."
Reaching to touch his cheek, she continued, but no less intensely with tears still steadily falling, "I can't lose you like I lost him, Seth. It would destroy me. Do you understand that? I would not survive losing you that way. I am not sure I will survive losing you no matter how it could happen, but I am certain that I would die if you left me the same way he did. I never thought I could love someone again the way I love you, Seth. It…it terrifies me to know that we are going to die at some point and one of us will have to continue on somehow after the other is gone…we have both suffered through that before…but I need whenever it happens, to still be years into the future."
"I know."
Gripping both of his hands tightly with her own, her face only inches from his, a fire in her blue eyes, as she sat perched on the side of his bed, she said, "Promise me, Seth. Promise me that you will do everything in your power to take care of yourself. For me. For us. For my sanity. Please."
Enveloping her in his warm gaze, his eyes softened at her fierceness. He had already made changes to his diet and increased his activity level since they had been together, but he cheated far too much at the diner. He could do more. He would do more. She was the loveliest woman he had ever known. Solemnly, he said, "Jessica Hazlitt, I vow to you, from this day forward to take care of my body as I would your own. I promise to eat well, exercise multiple times a week, and to find a cardiologist to have regular checkups with from now on. If he or she recommends medication or any other reasonable treatment, I will be compliant. With all that I am, I love and adore you. And I promise, that if it's in my power at all, to never leave you this way. My heart is yours and I never want to hurt you."
Never breaking their gaze, she spoke, "Seth Hazlitt, I promise to take care of my body as I would your own. I promise to help support and encourage you and not nag you about your diet and exercise. I promise to love and adore you as I already do and I promise to remain by your side until death parts us. And I pray to God that that day is a long time into the future."
"May it be so," Seth whispered in his gravelly voice.
Leaning towards him, she kissed him, a bit roughly, as though she needed to convince herself that they were alive and awake and really in each other's arms.
"I love you, sweetheart."
She smiled for what felt like the first time in ages, whispering, "I love you, too, darling. Do you need anything? Are you in any pain?"
Shaking his head no, he told her the pain medicine was working and he thought they should try to sleep.
"Is it alright if I snuggle beside you?"
"Ayuh, but would you mind moving to my other side? They went in through my groin to put the stent in on this side and it will be sore for a while."
"Oh," she murmured, reaching to pull back the bedding and lift the hospital gown Seth was wearing in one quick motion, wanting to have a look at the incision site for herself.
"Now, woman, it's bandaged up. Leave it be for now," he fussed, shooing her hands away.
"You're my husband. I want to see."
"Ayuh, I'm your husband. Not a child," he muttered, but he moved his hands, letting her pull the gown all the way back.
Just as he had told her, the incision was covered, but as she placed a soft hand on his side near it, he explained the procedure in detail, assuring her that Dr. Sinclair had done exactly what needed to be done and that the recovery process would be swift. Seeing his skin begin to prickle from the chill in the room, she lowered the hospital gown, tucking the blankets back around his body.
Moving to turn off the overhead light, leaving the room in a dim glow from the lights of the monitors, she climbed back on the bed, this time on the opposite side. Turning on her side, she rested her hand against his chest feeling his steady heartbeat. He covered her hand with his own, both of them finally able to breathe again and calm down from the adrenaline of the night.
Drawing slow circles over his chest with her fingertips, she whispered, "Get some rest, my darling. I'll be right here beside you."
Their bodies grew heavy, as they fell into a dreamless slumber. It would be a long road ahead. But they would find peace as long as they faced this next challenge together.
