-O-
Picturebook Romance
A Trolls fanfic
By Dreamsinger
Chapter Fifty-One
Listen to Branch
Sharing the bed of the troll she loved, the queen of the trolls lay utterly captivated as she listened to her beloved boyfriend share the deepest secrets of his heart. Some of it was funny, some of it was adorably sweet, and some of it – too much of it – was sad.
Seven years ago, Branch fallen in love with her and never breathed a word to anyone, holding all the love and affection she now knew he was capable of inside himself. A lonely boy trapped in the prison of his own heart. Maybe having to conceal his feelings about her had even made it harder for him to bond with other trolls, since he had such a big secret to hide. My poor, sweet Branch.
All she could do was promise to help her boyfriend befriend the entire village. It was a tall stack of hair, but she was determined to do it someday.
Branch showed his appreciation by linking his fingers through hers, lovingly kissing her hand in a way that would have made her swoon if she'd been standing up. Wondering what more she could do to cheer him up, she brought his hand to her own lips to return the affection. From the way he closed his eyes and the wide, silly grin that spread over his face, he enjoyed it as much as she had.
Her heart expanded inside her, bursting to shower him with love and attention. Poppy had never felt such longing for another troll in all her life. All her previous crushes paled in comparison. She wanted to throw herself on him so bad! But fear of how he might respond stopped her.
Branch wasn't ready. She understood that, but oh, it was so hard to wait! Like most of her people, Poppy wasn't good at waiting. Troll society revolved around fun, and a big part of fun was being spontaneous! Living in the moment. Going with the flow. Branch was a lot better at that than he used to be, but now and then a situation would still come up where he'd be pushed too far out of his comfort zone and he couldn't handle it. He'd have a meltdown and blow up at someone, or run off.
Now that she had experienced how overwhelming anxiety could be herself, she understood him better. But she also knew what life was like without anxiety. Without the constant need to monitor every situation for potential threats - or potential rejection - and she wanted that for Branch.
There was an old troll saying: Optimism starts with 'maybe'.
Sometimes pushing helped. There was no way to tell, other than to try. So maybe it was up to her to reach out, as she always had. Maybe her ever-cautious boyfriend wouldn't go any farther than kissing tonight, but maybe he would. She could always hope, couldn't she?
Maybe she could work up to it gradually. Poppy closed her eyes and let her lips drift where they wanted, gently nuzzling his warm, peach-fuzz skin. He smelled so good; of sweet apple and lively cinnamon-spice.
His eyes unfocused and she noticed his breathing deepening. Poppy grinned to herself. I'm getting to him. She wondered if he was feeling the same way she felt whenever he kissed her skin, all shivery tingles and glad heat.
Encouraged at his positive response, she tried the same thing he'd done to her earlier, kissing her way down his inner wrist. Branch seemed to be enjoying himself, until he stiffened and let out a huff of air, pulling his hand away.
Oops. Did I go too far? She opened her eyes to see his hand hovering between them, and beyond it, the troll she loved best staring at her with intense blue eyes. The sheer fire in his gaze made her hair crackle and her heart go thomp!
Success! Poppy got ready to be passionately kissed, only to see a shrewd look cross his face.
"I know what you're doing, Poppy."
She gave him a hopeful grin. "Is it working?"
"Yes."
"Great! Then-"
He held up a finger. "Nope."
She groaned loudly. For the young queen, having to give her boyfriend more space to assert his needs was so frustrating! Poppy was used to being the one who controlled their interactions. All their lives, it had been she who approached him, who made him react. Delightfully so, at times. He was often irritated or exasperated by her "pushiness" as he called it, but the rare times he responded… Well. There was nothing quite as cute as a flustered Branch, or as rewarding as a withdrawn loner who gave in once in a while and let her see a little of the private person he was inside. When she hugged him, nothing felt as good as when he hugged her back.
Or like now, when all she wanted was to kiss and taste and touch, and have him return the favor. She really, really wanted to.
Branch saw her frustration, and gave her a sympathetic chuckle. "I know, Poppy. Believe me, I understand how you feel, but I - It just… It just feels too soon. I'm sorry. Besides, we really do need to get some sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow."
"Fine." She sighed, giving up for now as she recognized the underlying firmness in his tone. Pushing at this point would probably just make him mad at her. Sometimes she didn't mind that, as long as he agreed to do whatever she was asking of him, but in this case, the object of the game was to get closer to him. She didn't want to create any more obstacles than they were already dealing with.
She lay back on the pillow they shared and contemplated her boyfriend (soon to be lover if she had her way) and began idly to hum their song. Branch brightened as he recognized the tune, and started humming along with her. He gave her hair a squeeze, and she used her own to squeeze back.
As always, music and affection helped make her feel better, bringing back her natural optimism. Oh, well. At least he's letting me kiss more of him, like I've been wanting to do all day. I still can't believe he's been wanting me the same way, for all these years… Ooo! Maybe I can get him to tell me more about the dreams he had when he first fell in love with me. Or what he had our board game characters do with each other…
Suddenly she was dying to know. "Hey, Branch, Trial Run sounds like an amazing game. Can you tell me more about your gameplay? Just for a few minutes?" she added to forestall any protests.
It turned out to be unnecessary. He lit up, looking surprised but pleased at her request. "Oh, well, I guess a few more minutes couldn't hurt."
Poppy couldn't help but return his happy beam as he said energetically, "Okay, so first you have to choose your characters, based on what characteristics you want them to have. Their skills, knowledge, personality traits, allies…"
As Poppy listened, the eager grin on her face faded into a polite, somewhat puzzled smile. The roleplaying game he'd created wasn't anything like the magical, romance-focused adventure she was expecting. It was organized, methodical, and rule-based. Just like Branch himself. A game where you have to stop and consult a rulebook all the time sure isn't my idea of a fun adventure.
Still, just the fact that he'd wanted to play games at all, even when gray, was such a revelation that she was willing to try it anyway. Maybe once we're actually playing, it'll be more exciting. If nothing else, I'll get to see him geek out over it, she thought with affectionate tolerance.
Branch began to go into far greater detail about his point-scoring system than she really wanted to know, but he was so enthusiastically adorkable that she just let him happily ramble on while she relaxed, simply appreciating his cute presence.
Poppy's tired brain began to fuzz out, drifting back to her impressions of everything he'd shared with her today. Things the old Branch would rather have died than reveal.
A frofi. Branch thought he had a frofi on me. That explains so much.
Branch had spent a lot of his youth feeling lost, lonely, and confused. Of course, she had had times like that herself. Everyone did. But unlike Branch, she had always had her dad and at least a few other friends and mentors, including Branch himself, to turn to when she needed advice, or just a sympathetic listening ear.
Talking things out with others usually helped her take action to face her problems, rather than giving up and hiding from them as Branch often had. With no one to talk to besides me, I can see why he seemed so stressed out a lot of the time. I understand him wanting to be self-sufficient, but that kept him from getting the attention he needed to help him work through his issues.
Like when he thought he had a frofi on me. Instead of just admitting that he admired me and would like to know if I was interested in doing something fun with him, or asking someone for advice, he shut down. He cut himself off from all sources of emotional support and instead gave himself what comfort he could by burying himself in dreams and fantasies.
It never seemed to occur to him that he might have been able to make his dream come true, if only he'd taken a little risk. I wonder why? She sighed sadly. I…guess…maybe to him it felt like a much bigger risk? If I were Branch, I think I would worry that if I messed up, the girl I liked would reject me, avoid me, maybe even hate me? And then I'd lose the last positive relationship I had left in the world. Aww. Of course he'd be scared to take that leap.
After the trauma she'd gone through today, it was easier to empathize with him, which was good. Or was it a bad thing? Was it bad that the happiest troll in the village was getting used to having such negative thoughts? That having a worried frown was starting to feel familiar on her face? The straight mouth that wanted to turn down at the corners, not up? The tight, painful band across her forehead where her eyebrows bunched up? Did Branch get taut shoulders, a knotted neck, and a stiff, sore back when he was upset?
No wonder he wanted to work all the time. Poppy almost wanted to get up and do some yoga stretches or something herself, but she suppressed the urge, not wanting to interrupt him while he was sharing more of himself. Her boyfriend had listened attentively to her earlier as she vented about her choking experience, comforting her as only he could. She wanted to do the same for him.
Besides, Poppy was genuinely fascinated by every new tidbit he revealed to her, knowing they were things he wouldn't tell just any troll. She loved to see his passionate side, especially when he was talking about the things he enjoyed, rather than the things he feared. Just his body language alone told her so much about him. She had always thought of herself as empathetic and compassionate, but the more attuned she became to the aquamarine troll, the more she realized how much she had missed.
More and more, she noticed when he was feeling bad. The lonely way he looked down or away, the carelines around his eyes deepening. The way he sighed; so lost, so wistful. The way the tips of his ears drooped. How his arms sometimes came forward to cover his belly, as if to protect his heart.
No wonder he'd always seemed so guarded, so cranky and uptight. Who wouldn't be, with his needs going unmet?
Every time Branch opened up to her, revealing yet another raw, untreated wound to his vulnerable psyche, she had to work to keep from wincing in sympathy. She didn't want to discourage him from sharing everything he'd bottled up inside himself for so long.
All these small, intimate memories had made the man she loved. She'd known he was more complicated than the average troll, but now she was really starting to understand why.
Connection was everything.
Branch didn't always react to things the way other trolls did. Sometimes that was a good thing, since it meant he often noticed or anticipated problems others missed, and was prepared for them. But sometimes those differences made him feel different, and not in a good way. Then he isolated himself because he felt misunderstood. The more he isolated himself, the less the other trolls understood him, and the more isolated he became. A negative spiral, withdrawing ever-inward into a tiny little cocoon of a world, with a single inhabitant who zealously guarded the threshold of its golden door from all who might seek to enter it.
Actually, she could see why fantasy roleplaying games appealed to him.
A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to picture him playing board games at all, let alone him dropping a figure of Creek in a bowl of mud and laughing about it! She grinned to herself. He might never let me read his bunker journals, but he did promise to play Trial Run with me. So that's some progress, anyway. Even if the game's boring, I bet I'll see a lot more of his secret side when we do! I'm sure that will make him happy.
And making Branch happy will make me happy.
The more she listened to Branch, the more he would feel heard and understood. He'll feel more secure, more loved and accepted for who he is. The more accepted he feels, the more willing he'll be to open up around other trolls and let them get to know the sweet, caring, sensitive troll behind the sarcastic, tough-guy mask. Already I see a difference in him.
At first the formerly-gray troll would only relax and open up around her, or the tiny group of trolls he called friends, the few he had truly bonded with during the bergen adventure. But now Branch had shown that he was finally getting comfortable enough to reach out on his own, without needing her there as he had in the beginning.
Today he'd opened up to Cherry Blossom, little Fern and her brothers, and even the Whizbangs. Her kind boyfriend had comforted his old friend Leafe after her accident, and had even chosen to stay and support Conifer and the rest of the traumatized trolls, even though he'd really wanted to come to the doctor's pod with her. He'd put himself out there and delivered a fun, friendly lecture with Leafe, doing his very best to help make everyone feel better.
He makes me feel better, too. He's so good at that. He always has been. Branch had always been a reliable, if grumbly, friend. He had given her the support she'd needed to bring back her spirit in the bergen pot. Her boyfriend's warm, steady presence had even brought back her own colors during the awful, numbing period of gray shock she'd experienced right after her accident. I feel so secure when I'm with him.
But…I get the feeling he hasn't always felt so secure around me, though.
As her boyfriend paused to catch his breath in the middle of a long list whose contents she'd totally missed, she said spontaneously, "Branch? What happened after the Festival? Why didn't you say something when you figured out that your feelings for me were more than just a frofi?"
Caught off guard, his mouth dropped open. "I… Well, it-it-it's…complicated." Uncomfortably, he glanced away. "And not really something I want to get into tonight."
Her interest piqued at his evasive answer. "Aww, come on. Just a little?" She swirled her fingers on the soft blue-and-white striped pajama top over his heart. "I won't be able to sleep if I don't know. Please, captain?"
His ears went a little floppy at the endearment, something she made note of. He really liked being called that.
"Well…" He sighed. "All right."
-O-
For the next few months, I followed Poppy everywhere. All I wanted was to be around her.
At first I was bewildered. This is crazy. Mating season is over. I thought frofis were supposed to be temporary! What gives?
For days I couldn't sleep, spending half the night tossing and turning in bed, my feverish mind endlessly cycling over and over. I thought I was done with all this. I went along with it, didn't I? I even dedicated my entire Festival season holiday to her. Am I still under the influence of those stupid hormones, or…or was I in love with her all along?
And if I am, how does she feel about me? If I'm right, she had a crush on me once. Am I still special to her?
It was impossible to tell. Poppy treated everyone like they were special to her.
Looks like I'll have to revive my investigation, then. It never once occurred to me to just ask her how she felt. But then, I knew I was really just glad to have an excuse to spend more time with her. While I'm conducting my investigation, I'll analyze my own feelings. Without any pesky, lovey-dovey hormones creating false attraction to her. Well, other than the attraction any healthy, rainbow-blooded troll felt toward an attractive troll.
And Poppy was definitely attractive. To my eyes, she was the prettiest troll in all the village. Her colors were so bright and cheerful, too. For the first time in years, I wished my own colors were a little brighter. If I could even just change my hair color, maybe she might…
But I couldn't. I'd lost the ability the day my grandma was killed, and that was that. I doubted it would ever return. I couldn't even use my hair to camouflage myself.
But I'd learned to compensate, even so. My dull colors let me blend into shadows far more easily than other trolls could. "You're really awesome at after-dark hide-and-seek," Poppy had pointed out to me more than once. I liked to think she said it with genuine admiration, and not just because she was looking for ways to make me feel good about myself. All trolls loved to raise others up, and Poppy was no exception.
So, with my Love List points always in the back of my mind, I looked for signs that I was important to Poppy. She always seemed glad to have me around, but I wanted some definitive proof before I revealed my own feelings to her.
It didn't help that we were always in a group of her friends. They seemed to accept me, but I suspected they were only doing it for Poppy's benefit. I just couldn't feel a real connection to any of them. How much of that was due to the wall I kept between us, I didn't know, but the truth was, I didn't really want to get close to them. They had no real reason to like the village grump, after all. The party pooper. The boring, responsible killjoy whose dislike of chaos and constant warnings of danger brought everyone down. And if they didn't like me, I sure didn't want to get attached to them, so it wouldn't hurt when they started coming up with polite excuses to avoid me.
Even so, I did my best to be good company. I went out of my way to be polite and agreeable. I accepted any invitation Poppy gave me, no matter how pointless or crazy the event was. I was heartened by the fact that it really seemed to delight her every time I said 'yes'. I even went to Glitter-palooza with her, and spent the next few days seriously regretting it. The mere mention of glitter made me shudder for months afterward.
But I put up with it, for her. The more time I spent with her, the more things about her I found to love.
Half the things Poppy said to me made me blush. I was probably reading way more into every innocent comment from her than she meant. I caught myself mooning over her when she wasn't looking, turning my back to hide my lovesick expression as I whipped out my pen and paper to scribble down random snatches of poetry. I was even tempted to show my poems to her a few times, but every time I tried, either something interrupted us, or my own nerves tripped me up.
Sometimes literally. I'd never been so clumsy in my life, at the worst possible times. Stumbling feet and stuttering tongue. Glad to be with her and yet mortified at the way I was acting.
I even gave her gifts. I was too embarrassed to give her the blatantly romantic gifts I'd chosen earlier to make my confession, so instead I chose practical gifts. Vegetables and seeds. New tools. Books on wilderness survival. Toothpaste and dental floss, too - something I considered especially vital, considering all the candy she ate.
-O-
"What?" Poppy's mouth dropped open. "I had no idea those were courting presents! I mean, who gives someone toothpaste to say 'I love you'?"
I shrugged. "Makes perfect sense to me. What better way to show you care than to do things to protect someone, to keep the person you love safe and healthy?"
"But…" Poppy looked as if she wanted to object, but then she rolled her eyes and said indulgently, "Okay, I get it." Then she giggled.
"What?"
"Is it weird that I actually kind of like that now? I mean, I've always said that there's safety, and then there's smothering. But now I see your protectiveness as kinda sexy."
My girlfriend gave me a coy look from the corners of her eyes, and I grinned back. "Wow."
She winked at me. "In fact, your determination to keep us all safe is super hot." She waved a hand in front of her face, as if the mere sight of me was enough to set her heart ablaze.
I laughed, but in truth, I was the one whose heart was soaring on the heat of my love for her. I leaned over to give her a slow, ardent kiss, then gave her a sly grin. "I knew I'd win you over eventually."
"Really?"
"No."
-O-
Poppy fluttered her eyelashes at me and held out her hand with a teasing smile. I took her hand, twirled her around, and pressed her back against my chest. She sighed happily, and twined her hair with mine. I began to trail a line of kisses down her bare arm.
"Oh, Branch," she murmured breathily. "I love you so much. Do you love me?"
"I do, Poppy. More than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life."
One of her hands reached up to glide over my ear. At the surge of pleasure down my spine, I felt a familiar pressure down below. "Oh, Poppy, what you do to me…"
"Mmm, kiss me more, my love…"
Eager to please her, I slipped around in front of her and met her lips with mine. She put her arms around my lower back and pulled me against her. I loved it when she did that. It felt so good. So good…
-O-
A sudden warmth woke me. I lay there for a moment, blinking in the dark, only to realize it had happened again. I'd sprouted in my sleep, and gotten a little too excited. "Aw, maaan…"
I sighed and rolled off my bed. Yawning, I staggered groggily down the hall to clean up.
After months of soul-searching and more hugs, glitter and socializing than I'd put up with since my trollhood days, I couldn't deny it any more. I'm in love with Poppy. For real. I've got to be. I wouldn't keep having dreams like this if I wasn't, would I? At the very least, I'm obviously strongly attracted to her.
I dragged my hands down my face. All right. Then I've gotta know for real: Is she in love with me, or isn't she?
I had to find out. I decided to step up my investigation, furtively following her as I had back when I was first getting to know her secret self. The one she didn't show to most other trolls. The uncertain, vulnerable side to the village's confident, warmhearted princess.
In some ways, I liked this type of investigation better. I didn't have to worry what she thought of me. I was free to adore her as much as I wanted. Everything she did seemed enchanting. She was even cute when she sneezed. I found myself pulling out my journal a dozen times a day, making quick sketches of her and squeezing lines of love-besotted poetry around the edges. I didn't even realize how much I was enjoying myself, until ultimately, my Poppy-pink world began to come down around my ears.
Other trolls started to notice my actions. People were used to my strange behavior, but more and more, I found myself hard-pressed to explain exactly why I was hiding behind a bush or a boulder, watching Poppy having fun as she went about her princessly duties. I was usually able to come up with some kind of plausible fib or distraction, but I knew but sooner or later someone was going to call me out on the fact that the village weirdo was spying on the princess.
I had a really close call one day. On an unusually hot day, Poppy had gone swimming with a group of other trolls. I was on the hill above the lagoon admiring her graceful nude body, her sleek pink curves gliding through the shining water in joyful bursts of energy. She was having so much fun. Just looking at her made me smile.
A line of poetry came to me and I said it aloud, knowing she couldn't hear me. More lines followed the first, flowing out of me with the same easy grace as the supple body I was admiring so much.
Like the sun
She shines
Bright and beautiful
Perfect in every way
I put a hand over my heart as I stepped around the bush onto the path, gazing longingly down at my vibrant trollhood friend.
Like a dolphin
She dances
Radiant and full of life
Silky water flowing over rosy skin
Oh, if I were that water-
My outpouring of adoration was abruptly cut short as a female voice behind me asked incredulously, "Branch? Is that you?"
Author's Note:
Sorry for the cliffhanger, lol. It's not who you think it is! 😉
For the record, I recognize the irony of Poppy thinking about how she ought to listen to Branch while at the same time not listening to him talk about his roleplaying game, lol. But I feel like it's one of those things that won't make much sense until you actually experience it, so most of his explanation is going to be lost on her, anyway. She would have been better off with a shorter, more concise explanation, but once Branch gets going…
This chapter was really more about what happens when you truly focus your attention on connecting with another person on a personal level, as opposed to a working-environment relationship. Trolls are far more apt to do the former, while we humans are taught to relate to everyone outside our own families with a degree of emotional separation. Only the most empathetic of us still relate to others the way the trolls do.
I notice I'm usually drawn to empathetic people whenever I encounter them. But I know that highly empathetic people have problems with taking things personally and getting their feelings hurt; a lot more than I do, with my more logical mindset. But then, they have more relationships than I do, while I'm often lonely. It's a trade-off, at least in our society. I like the trolls' world better. 😊
