A limousine window lowered to show Lucy with sunglasses on, "Take it from me, Hollywood is where the real monsters are."

The Creature Feature

Lincoln had his head and hands in the refrigerator, "Okay, soda, orange juice, purple stuff...you guys want anything else?"

"Got any canned corn in there?" Liam asked from the living room.

Lincoln paused a moment and didn't bother to look, "Uh...nope."

"Good thing I brought a six-pack!" Liam annouced, pulling out six cans connected with plastic rings out of nowhere. He pulled one can out of the rings, cracked it open, and started pouring canned corn into his mouth.

Rusty held out his hand, " Hey, let me have one of them bad boys... as long as it's not Cob-Light!"

Liam handed him one, "As if I'd patronize them, these are a local crop."

Lincoln sighed as he gathered the drinks and got out of the fridge. He smiled at the audience as he walked into the living room, "You're just in time! My friends and I gathered at the house to watch a movie called Skidamarink. While we don't need to really worry about trademarks, it's still fun to come up with alternative titles."

"Uh, who is Lincoln talking to?" Stella asked in a whisper.

Clyde shrugged and whispered back, "He just does that to cope with all the stress I think."

"What stress?"

Just then, there was a loud explosion from above the kids and they all looked up in alert.

"I'm still alive!" Lisa yelled from upstairs.

"Ah..." Stella nodded.

Zach looked up at the ceiling with concern on his face, "We're lucky this house hasn't collapsed in on itself."

Lincoln shoved the soda into Zach's hands and gave him an insincere and unsettling smile, "Let's stop talking now and try to enjoy the movie, okay?"

The others shared a look, and decided not to press the poor boy further.

ONE MOVIE LATER...

Five of the six tweens (Do people still use that word?) stared at the screen in silence, while Liam had passed out with five empty cans of corn around him.

Rusty broke it, "Well, that sucked."

"Hey, it wasn't that bad Rusty!" Clyde argued.

"Dude, that wasn't even a movie! It was a bunch of nothing! I felt like I was asleep during most it!"

"I think that might have been the point." Stella remarked.

"Yeah, I'd say this is more an experimental art film than a horror movie. It goes more for analog dreamlike horror which works great for a collection of shorts spliced together but not really for one coherent narrative. Gotta say though, they did capture what they were going for." Zach eloquently praised.

Everyone but Liam gave him a raised eyebrow.

"...what? I like movies."

Lincoln was on his phone looking up info on the movie, "Wow...it made millions on a very small budget."

Rusty snatched the phone, "You're kidding me! It made that much?"

"What're y'all yellin fer? You're splitting my head!" Liam complained as he woke up.

"The boys are arguing over the movie, Liam." Stella remarked.

Liam rubbed his head, "Movie? Oh yeah, the movie! Darn, I must've dozed off during it. How'd it go?"

"Bad, we could've done better." Rusty summed up.

"Then why don't we?" Clyde asked.

Lincoln lit up, "Guys, that's it! We could make our own movie!"

"Even though we don't have equipment, a budget, or budget for equipment?" Rusty asked.

"Hey, we proved we could run a school news team with just our smartphones not too long ago, making an independent horror film can't be harder than that!" Lincoln bargained.

Obviously, he has never attempted making an independent film. Then again, neither have I.

"Lincoln's right! Let's give it a shot!" Zach cheered.

The otheres agreed with a "Yeah!"

"Okay, we got a crew and smartphones, now we just need a cast, a script, and a location." Lincoln figured.

Rusty's eyes lit up, "Hey, maybe you can ask that Eris lady to be in our movie!

Stella groaned, "Oh God no."

Lincoln shook his head, "Not the best idea, didn't I tell you all that she got split in two?"

Stella pulled on her hair a bit, "There's two of them now?"

Lincoln nodded, "Yeah, but one's locked up-"

Stella let go, "Oh, good."

"And the other has a disgusting obsession with me."

Stella pulled on her hair again, "That's bad."

Clyde looked around and saw no sign of either Eris. "...uh, so where's the obsessed one?"

"Canada." Lincoln flatly said.

"Canada?"

Lincoln shrugged, "I told her that I was banned from Canada for causing some sort of chaos there and she claimed she could do a lot worse."

"...that doesn't sound too good for Canada." Zach remarked.

Lincoln shrugged again, "Well, I don't care, I don't like Canada."

Liam nodded, "They've had it too good for too long."

Stella sighed, "Look, we don't need more actors than us, do we? Maybe we should come up with the script first."

Rusty raised his hand, "Ooh, we could use an A.I. to write a-"

No, you will not.

Rusty lowered his hand and looked a bit nervous, "...uh, did anyone else hear that?"

I am not using an A.I. to write this, so you will NOT use an A.I. to write your thing. I will not condone using such a thing to write. It's worse than plagarising entire plots and dialogue...yet that seems to get people to read stuff.

"Seriously, did anyone else hear that?" Rusty asked.

"Hear what?" Zach asked.

Lincoln patted Rusty on the shoulder and whispered, "I hear them too, you get used to it."

Clyde then noticed Lucy walking into the kitchen, "Hey Lucy, would you like to write for our horror movie?"

Lucy suddenly appeared next to Clyde, "That depends, will it star vampires?"

The group mumbled a bit to themselves.

"Uh...no?" Lincoln finally said.

Rusty shook his head, "Vampires are way overdone."

"Oversaturated like factory cheese." Liam remarked.

Zach folded his arms in an X, "Way too 2010s."

Stella rubbed her chin, "Well, the Chinese Hopping Vampires, jiāngshī, could be original enough."

Lucy shook her head, "I'm more familar with Western variety, you're on your own." and with that, she left for the kitchen.

Stella shrugged, "Maybe she'd like the vampires from the Philippines better? I didn't suggest them because they're a bit extreme."

"What are they like?" Lincoln asked..

"Well, they're all female, at night they separate their lower torso from their body-"

"Nope! No, too much!" Rusty complained.

"Well, we don't really need to use a specific monster, do we?" Clyde asked.

Zach shook his head, "Nah, the best horror movies leave the monster as vague as possible, playing on the less people know about it, the scarier it is."

"Well, if it's vague we can just write the script as we go or just do full-on improv. Now we just need a location." Lincoln surmised.

Rusty tapped his chin, "Can't we just make the movie here?"

Lincoln shook his head, "No. My sisters would ruin scenes if we made it here."

Lynn walked into the house, dribbling a basketball, "Hey Stinkoln, you and your dork friends doing something lame again?"

"You see?" Lincon asked, gesturing to Lynn.

Lynn then took hold of the basketball, and walked upstairs, "Yeah, no, I'm not gonna be subject to slapstick this chapter."

Lynn made it upstairs without incident, and slammed the door to her room once she got up there. She'll get hers later.

Liam got up, "I know a few places we can use."

"You do?" Clyde asked.

"Sure, there's two abandoned buildings that nobody ever goes to anymore just a bit outside of Royal Woods. There's an abandoned hospital due to 'The Blood Bath of '87' and an abandoend school shut down after 'The Event of '93.'"

"Well, I am going nowhere with blood in the title." Rusty remarked.

Liam shrugged, "Guess we're goin' to the school then."

Lincoln headed for the door, "Alright everyone! No time like the present! Let's go!"

Suddenly, Grim appeared in front of the door. I was wondering when he would show up. "Lucy tells me you're makin' a movie, Lincoln. Is that right?"

Lincoln nodded, "Yeah, we were just about to head out to scope the location."

Grim smiled, "Let me come with ya! I've always wanted to be in show business!"

Clyde smiled, "Sure! Nothing in this world is scarier than Grim himself!"

"Keep up the flattery, mon, you'll live longer."

As the group left the house, Stella tapped on Liam's shirt, "So, what was 'The Bloodbath of '87?"

Liam shook his head, "No, a Blood bath. A nurse filled a bathtub with donated blood and bathed in it."

Stella gritted her teeth in a cringe "...that's disturbing, and unsanitary to say the least."

...

"Alright, the school should be in this neighborhood." Liam announced.

It wasn't much of a neighborhood to be honest, it was more a rundown block on the outskirts of Royal Woods. There were a handful of vacant lots, closed businesses, and at least one condemned house. The abandoned school fit right in, the grounds were overgrown with weeds, and there was a rusty chainlink fence around it with a gate that was busted open. The brick building itself was adorned with boarded up windows, crappy graffiti, and oddly enough a few empty tubs of frozen yogurt. There was a plaque next to the front doors of the school that, while vandalized, read out "Nukem High".

The group walked through the busted gate and up to the abandoned Nukem High. Yes it's a reference to something, and probably not the first thing that came to mind for a lot of you. As they approached the front doors, Liam started talking, "My cousins tell me this used to be a charter school. Cousin Joey even went to it, he said that they had to close in 1993 on account of-"

"The teachers really being aliens and planning world domination?" Zach guessed.

"One of the teachers going insane and experimenting on the kids?" Rusty guessed.

"The staff filing their taxes incorrectly?" Clyde guessed.

"Uh...not having enough students to receive funding." Liam answered.

"It usually be the most mundane reasons..." Grim deadpanned.

"Well, at least nobody died here." Lincoln remarked.

Stella stopped and tapped her chin, "...wait, so why didn't anyone do anything with the building? Even if they didn't want a school, they could've took it down."

Liam shrugged, "I heard *someone* bought it, but nobody has really seen 'em...maybe they just bought the land and forgot about it."

The group got to the doors and saw that it was chained up from the outside with a big padlock.

"Well, that figures. I guess whoever owns it now doesn't want anyone getting in." Lincoln figured.

"Or maybe they wanted to keep something from getting out." Zach remarked with a creepy voice."

Everyone else groaned while Clyde examined the lock closely, "Hey Rusty, you know how to pick locks, right?"

Rusty shrugged, "I know a little but I didn't think to bring my tools. Though it might be easier to check the side entrance, schools never lock those."

Grim smirked. "Oh if only I had a nickel every time a major incident was due to that..."

The kids ignored the dark quip and headed for the side entrance of the school. There were no chains and no lock. Rusty pulled on the handle and the door opened. The tall redhead smiled, "Open sesame!"

Zach then got in front of the door and blocked the group from going in, "Wait a second, are we seriously going to go into an old, abandoned, and possibly condemned building just to make a movie?"

"Last one in moves to Detroit!" Rusty yelled.

This caused everyone to rush in, laughing as they did. Once they were all inside, the door quickly shut. A loud locking noise rang out after it did.

Zach quickly went to the side door and tried to open it. But the door wouldn't budge. Zach started hyperventilating, "It-it's locked! Oh God, oh man we're locked in! Oh God, oh man! Oh God, oh man! Oh-"

Grim picked him up and started shaking the lad, "Calm down boy! You forget I'm the Grim Reaper! I can just teleport us out when we done here!"

As if to make a point, Grim used his scythe to make a portal, and carried Zach through it. The two ended up just outside the side door, which Grim opened, and brought them inside again. Zach calmed down and Grim set him back on the floor.

"Okay, okay, I'm okay." Zach stammered.

Lincoln got out his phone and turned on the flashlight, the floor was carpeted and caked with dirt and some sort of wet substance of unknown origins. "Watch your step and don't question why."

The group trekked around the first floor of the abandoned school, scouting the location and filming on their phones. They mostly managed to scour the hallways as a lot of the doors to classrooms or faculty offices were locked. The only rooms they could get access to were the boys and girls restrooms - which oddly enough didn't have doors - and a cafeteria where the doors appeared to have been removed.

The kids eventually settled in the cafeteria around a dust-covered table. Dust-covered until Clyde sneezed and sent all the dust flying. Lincoln cleared his throat, "Well gang, while this place is creepy enough, I think it'd be better if we could get into at least one of the classrooms.

Rusty turned towards Grim, "Hey Grim, can't you open up those doors for us?"

But Grim wasn't there.

Liam looked around the cafeteria, "Gosh, where'd he go?"

"HE WAS OUR WAY OUT OF HERE!" Zach screamed. He started hyperventilating again.

Lincoln grabbed onto his freaked out friend, "Zach, relax! He's probably just messing with us!" Lincoln then let go and headed for the hallway, "You guys get started on shooting some B-roll and coming up with scenes and I'll go grab his boney butt."

Stella quickly went to Lincoln's side, "I'll come with you!"

Lincoln smiled, "Thanks Stella, I appreciate it. Clyde, we might need you for backup too."

Rusty approached them, "Dude, shouldn't we stay in a group? Why don't we all come with you?"

Clyde patted Rusty's shoulder, "No offense Rusty, but Linc and I have done dangerous things before like trying to survive a zombie apocalypse, storm two secret bases, and surviving weekends with Lincoln's sisters. You might get in the way."

Those are all real episodes by the way.

Liam shrugged, "Welp, he's got us there."

The search party of Lincoln, Stella, and Clyde headed back into the dark corridors while the redhead trio waited.

...

"They've been gone quite a while..." Zach bemoaned.

"Dude, it's only been five minutes." Rusty told him, not looking up from his phone.

Liam got up, "Welp, all that corn is comin' to haunt me. I'll be back." Liam headed for the hallway.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Zach asked.

Liam stopped and looked back, "I've gotta see a man about a horse."

"Dude, you're betting on horses now?" Rusty asked.

"No, I need to take the cattle to the watering hole." Liam tried to explain.

"Didn't you do that last week?" Zach asked.

Liam groaned, "I gotta pee."

"Wait, so you're leaving us here?"

"I'll be right back, shouldn't take more than a minute."

"You can't just leave us alone! We gotta stick together!" Zach pleaded.

"Zach, c'mon, I gotta-"

"Can't you just do that here if you have to? Like in the corner?"

"Dang man, that's nasty! I don't wanna see that!" Rusty protested.

Liam sneered at them,"I ain't gonna do my business here! I may have been raised in a barn, but I've got standards!"

With that, Liam headed out into the darkness.

Zach didn't hyperventilate since that gag is getting old. Instead, he sank in his seat and let out a tired sigh, "Welp, he's dead."

Rusty shook his head, "Why do you gotta be so negative? I'm sure he'll be fine."

3...2...1.

A scream of terror rang out from the darkness of the hallway into the cafeteria.

Rusty and Zach got up from their seats in surprise. They looked at each other, "Uh...yeah, that did not sound good." Rusty admitted.

"Oh, you think?" Zach hissed.

Suddenly, the two heard some sort of sloshing sound coming from the hallway.

Rusty got his phone flashlight ready, "Well, looks like it's just me and you Zach. Ready to face this like men?"

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Zach took off, assumingly to find an exit, leaving Rusty alone.

"Dang it, Zach!" Rusty called after him.

He could hear the sound of his chicken-hearted friend running fade away. Either he managed to get away or something got him in the dark.

"So, which is it?" Rusty asked.

It's a surprise.

"And what happens now?"

Now, you do something to push the chapter forward.

Rusty took out his phone and tried to call his friends as that was the smart thing to do. Unfortunately, there was no signal.

"Dang cheap mobile companies..."

Now it was time to do the dumb thing: wander around the dark hallways to see if there were any signs of his missing friends. Rusty used the flashlight on his phone to light the way.

First, he headed for the restrooms. Though when he got to the entrance, he stopped as there was sewage water now overflowing on the tiled floor.

"Grody. Liam, are you there?" Rusty called out.

There was no response. Rusty didn't know what awaited him in there, but he didn't want to find out. He continued down the hallway, calling out for his friends, "Lincoln? Clyde? Stella? Liam? Heck, Zach if you're still in here, I'm not mad! Grim?"

No response from anyone. It was as if Rusty entered a whole different world where he was the last kid on Earth. If he was on Earth at all. Thinking this might be the end, he quickly brought up his smartphone's camera and started filming himself, "Well, I just want to say I'm sorry...to all the fine ladies who may never get a chance to date me! Don't ya cry now, I had a good run. Not long, but good. I mean, I didn't exactly get to do all the things I wanted with girls but I- uh..."

Rusty felt hot breath on his backside that smelled faintly of old cheese. In the camera, he saw that some sort of green appedage was just above his shoulder, and he could see the faint outline of horns behind him.

"Aw hell nah! I know how this hentai ends!" Rusty, the Man of Culture, yelled as he dropped his phone and ran.

He ran headfirst into the darkness. Of course, this wasn't ideal, but what else could he do? He soon started to see slivers of light that came from the front doors of the school and crashing into them surprisingly didn't open them. Rusty shoved the push bars, and while the doors budged a little, they didn't open due to being chained up from the outside.

"Oh yeah, forgot about those." Rusty spun around and tried to find another way away from that horned green thing. Just then, he noticed an open door to the side that the group apparently missed before, and ran into the room.

Then he fell down a flight of stairs.

"Am I dead yet?" Rusty asked as he had landed facefirst into some concrete.

Fortunately he was very much alive, and he pulled his face up off the concrete to see a dark dank liminal passageway leading to a door with light creeping in from the doorframe. Even more fortunate was he spotted a familiar sharp object leaning against the wall to the side. It was Grim's scythe!

Rusty grabbed hold of the scythe and wielded it like a shotgun, "How do you work this thing?"

On cue, some sort of green beam shot out of the scythe and hit one of the walls leaving a burn mark.

"Awesome! Come get some!" Rusty cried out as he kicked open the door at the end of the passageway.

Inside was a decent living room setup with Lincoln, Clyde, and Stella sitting on a comfy couch playing video games on a massive flatscreen. "Oh hey! Rusty's here!" Clyde cheered, "You wanna play next game?"

Rusty's arms shook as he aimed the scythe at them, "Wha-What the? Y-you can't trick me, demons!"

Upon noticing Rusty having Grim's scythe, the three kids on the couch got off it and hit the deck as a green beam shot out at them and hit the couch, lighting a small fire on one of the cushions.

"Rusty, calm down! It's just us!" Lincoln yelled.

Clyde took out a portable fire extinguisher and put the small fire out.

Rusty lowered the scythe, "Oh yeah, only the real Clyde would be that prepared..." he looked around the oddly cozy room, "...what the heck is all this? I thought we were in an abandoned school?"

Stella got up and slowly approached, "Uh, we are, but it turns out that someone lives here. This is Fred's place."

"Who the heck is Fred?"

"Yes?"

Rusty swooped around to see a green, tubby, elephant-like biped with horns and screamed as he fired a beam at its head.

The creature opened up his mouth and ate the blast, chewing it a bit before swallowing and belching smoke, "Ooh! Spicy! Thanks!"

Rusty was a bit dumbstruck, "Uh...you're welcome?"

Lincoln took the scythe from Rusty, "That's Fred, he's a demon from the Underworld and-"

Fred interrupted them, "Fred Fredburger! That's F-R-E-D-F-R-E-D-B-U-uh..."

"R-G-E-R." Rusty concluded for him.

"Yeah! Thanks!"

Rusty turned to Lincoln, "Well, it's good to see you guys are still alive."

Lincoln frowned, "We've only been gone for ten minutes! Did you really think something bad happened to us?"

"Yeah! I mean, Liam left for the bathroom and Zach and I heard his blood-curling scream!"

Lincoln raised an eyebrow, "Uh, Liam's fine! He's using the bathroom."

Upon saying that, a flushing noise rang out and Liam walked out of a nearby door and shut it, "Whoo-eeee, I wouldn't go in there for a few minutes..."

"Liam, you're okay! What were ya screaming about?" Rusty asked.

Liam shivered, "You don't wanna know..."

"Yeah I do! Did something happen in the bathroom upstairs?"

Fred interrupted, "Oh! Yeah, the upstairs bathrooms aren't working right. I keep calling the plumber and tell him to come to my house but he never shows up!"

Rusty shivered a bit too, "Gross dude...so you just live here under a school?"

Fred nodded a few times, "Yeah, yeah, yeah! My mommy told me a while ago that it was time I had my own house and she let me have this one! And you guys are the first guests I had so I locked the door!"

This bit surprised Lincoln, "What? You shouldn't do that to your guests!"

Fred seemed confused, "No? Why not? They do it all the time in games and movies!"

"Uh...hold up, where's Grim?" Rusty then asked.

Grim then walked into the room, carrying an unconscious Zach.

"Grim, what did you do?" Lincoln asked.

Grim shrugged, "Went a bit overboard. I only meant to jumpscare him a little but it seems I've scared him half to death. Where's me scythe?"

Lincoln handed it over, "You shouldn't have just left it laying around."

"Yeah, well, if I had me scythe then I'd be easier to spot." Grim set Zach down and started chanting with his scythe, "Mama se, mama sa, mama hoo-sa!"

Zach woke up, gasping for air, "I can see Death!"

"Good, ye eyes are workin'." Grim snarked.

"So...you were trying to mess with us?" Rusty asked.

Grim nodded, "Yeah, pretty much, I sensed a demon's nest and at first decided to lure you all down here but it turns out said demon is a harmless idiot." He motioned towards Fred who waved.

"It is so nice to have guests over! Yes!" Fred cheered.

"Wait, so why didn't you guys come back for us?" Rusty asked.

Stella gave a nervous grin, "Uh, we were going to, but Fred had some video games and we got distracted..."

Lincoln cleared his throat, "Okay so, now that everything is cleared up, how about we all get back to making our movie?"

Fred's eyes lit up, "Oooh! You guys are making a movie? Can I be in it? I've always wanted to be in show business!"

"Uh, sure, if we can use your house as the main location."

Fred nodded his head a lot, "Yes! Yes! Yes! This is gonna be great!"

...

Later that night, the kids, Grim, and Fred Fredburger ended up watching the movie they made at the Loud House. Lana, Lucy, and Luna watched along with them.

"Hm, so what do you all think?" Lincoln asked.

Lucy shrugged, "Well, it's better than anything on Flixnet or Amezoon."

"What about Disney?" Lincoln asked.

Luna frowned, "Oh dude, anything you guys could make would be better than anything from that morally and creatively bankrupt company!"

I have zero respect for that company and anyone who works for them.

"What kind of animal are you, anyway?" Lana asked Fred.

"I'm a Fred Fredburger!" Answered you-know-who.

"A Fred Fredburger?"

"You guys got burgers?" Lynn asked, jumping down the stairs.

"MONSTER!" Fred yelled, throwing a fry pan at Lynn's head, knocking her out.

I'm not sure where he was keeping that, but Fred is now my favorite character.

"Yes!"

...

Welp, we've reached quite a number of milestones this chapter. This crossover turned one year old. I turned thirty years old. And next month, my account will reach that lucky fourteen years of being active.

Sometimes I wonder though, am I getting too old to be writing this stuff? Maybe. Then again, am I old enough to be writing for shows like these? Probably. Do I write better than the people behind the Loud House cartoon and that live-action junk? Most definitely.

I won't lie, this year so far has been rough for me. Aside from the fact that my stuff is still criminally overlooked, any hope of getting into the career I got a college degree for is all but dead with AI apparently taking over my field of study, and on top of that I keep getting ghosted when it comes to dating.

Writing for this has been a pretty good outlet for when I need to cheer myself up. And now I'm thinking maybe my luck will turn around. But right now, I'm gonna take a break with the new Final Fantasy game.

Oh, and Happy Pride month everybody from one of the many overlooked bisexual people.

- Mr. Dusk