April 1916

Abigail couldn't help but feel at peace and calm for the first time in years as her naked body intertwined with Henry's. After over an hour of sex and pleasing each other in many different ways, they lay together on the mayor's bed, skin on skin. Henry rested on his back whilst Abigail's chest lay on his. Her right leg found its way between both of his legs under the thin sheet that covered only half their bodies. Her left ear stayed pressed against his chest as she listened to his heart beat beneath the surface of his skin. Henry felt Abigail's heart beat against his own bare chest and he traced small patterns on the woman's back.

"I wish I knew you when we were young." Abigail confessed, her own fingers tracing circles on Henry's bare chest. Her eyes looked up at his calm face. His eyes were closed yet a small smirk grew on his lips and he chuckled. "What?" She asked him when he did.

"We were pretty young when we met." He told her, keeping his eyes closed in relaxation. "I was only 29 then."

"Yes, I know. And I was 23. But I mean younger. When we were kids."

Henry's smirk faded a little. "No, you don't."

"Yes, I do." She slid her hand up from his chest, passed his neck and to his chin, tracing his jawline as she spoke. "I want to know what your voice sounded like then….what your laugh sounded like….I wish I could have seen you play with friends….I hardly hear you laugh NOW." She suddenly realized. "You usually chuckle a bit or only let out very small sounds. But I have never heard you truly laugh, Henry." She reached up and softly poked his nose.

The man opened his eyes then and looked into hers, as best as he could, considering their position. "Does that matter?"

"Yes." She responded immediately. "Laughter shows one's joy." She lifted her head a bit to be able to look down at him, taking in his dark green-hazel eyes. "I don't believe I have ever seen you show true joy before."

"What is there to be joyous about?" He asked her seriously.

"Life."

"Life is not joyful, Abigail. At least MINE isn't." He said, factually.

"Not even when you were with Nora? Or with your wife?" She wondered.

"No." He said without hesitation.

"Why not?"

"I'm not sure." His hand moved from her back to softly fiddle with the ends of her curls.

"Have you EVER felt differently?" She sat up even more so she was resting on her forearm beside him, taking note of how his fingers in her hair gave her chills and she loved it, hoping he'd never stop.

"About life?" Henry asked her while she nodded. "I don't know. I don't remember. The only thing I've ever felt since my parents died is how lousy it is to be human."

"That is no way to live, Henry. Didn't you feel joy when Lee promoted you to working in the office?"

"Not joy. Pride." He admitted.

"Doesn't being proud of yourself make you feel joy?" She added onto that.

"No, because who am I to share it with?"

"Me." She immediately felt the nerves in her stomach go wild as she said that so fast and she wondered if his stomach felt the same.

He softly sighed, looking into her eyes for a bit before looking up at the ceiling, his fingers still playing with the ends of her hair. "I meant what I said at Lee's house, Abigail. No one will like us together."

"Why do you care what they think?" She wondered aloud, reaching up to massage his hair in return.

"I no longer want to talk about this."

"Henry-"

"Please?" He looked into her eyes again. "I want to drop it."

Her eyes shifted from each of his eyes before she nodded a bit. "Alright. We'll drop it." She felt a pain in her chest, feeling his rejection yet she couldn't help but leave soft, gentle kisses along his jawline and his cheek. She soon made her way to his lips, kissing him almost as soft as a whisper. "I just want to see you happy." She admitted to him before moving up to kiss him on the forehead. "If not with me, then at all."

"That's what I want for you." He told her truthfully. "I like to see you smile. And your eyes sparkle when you are happy."

"Do they?" She asked him.

"When you are with your children and your friends. When you bring customers their coffee at the cafe. Even when you are winning an argument as the mayor. They do."

"You only make me want to kiss you when you talk like that, Henry."

"Then kiss me." He said to her gently. "But only when it's just us." His hand moved up more in her hair. "Whenever we are alone….The day that you stop kissing me…I will know that you have finally learned."

"Learned what, Henry?"

He leaned up to kiss the sweet spot of her neck in an attempt to distract her. Her eyes fell shut, his tongue against her skin giving her goosebumps on every inch of her body. Her lips parted as she let out a soft breath.

"Le-Learned what?" She repeated, though her mind was already drifting elsewhere.

He carefully rolled over on top of her, making her lay on her back as he continued to gently suck on her neck. His hands roamed her body and he internally smiled when the woman softly moaned at his actions.

"Oh, th-that feels so….n-nice." She gently whispered, sliding her hands up and down the man's ribs.

"Hm, you want me to stop?" He asked her, his words a bit muffled by her neck.

"No….Don't you dare stop, Henry Gowen." She demanded, already forgetting what she was trying to ask him.

He smiled against her skin and continued to allow his hands to touch her in places that she hadn't realized could make her body quiver. His kisses on her neck moved down to her chest while one of his hands squeezed her inner thigh, just enough to only slightly hurt her but it gave her chills….the good kind.

"Oh, Henry." She unintentionally whispered, grabbing him by his face to pull him up in a hungry kiss. "H-How dare you distract me with sex." She blushed as she said that word in front of him, though she knew it was silly to feel embarrassed by a word when they had done the act so many times now.

"We are not having sex." He told her with a chuckle.

"Don't tease me." She ordered, her hips gravitating toward him in anticipation.

"You want more?" He asked her. "Again?"

"Always." She told him. "Especially now."

"What do you mean by that?" He wondered, their kisses growing shorter, but more hungry as they spoke between them.

"When we talk like that…so open and honest….with our hearts….Oh, how it makes me want you inside me even more."

"Does it?"

"Yes." She told him with almost a hint of desperation in her tone. "All those times I went to your home…when we would sit and talk like this….the wetness between my legs would grow almost unbearable." Her face turned red again.

"I believe I know what you mean. Every time that you understand me when I am expecting you to judge me…I have to fight my urges as well." He told her. "Why is that?"

"Because we lo-…are more alike than we realized…just as you've said before." Looking up at him, the fluttering in her stomach grew stronger as she realized what she almost said to him. "Rosemary was right to try and pair us. Don't you deny it, Henry."

"Since when do you talk too much?" He chuckled a bit before kissing her.

She giggled into the kiss, caressing his cheeks with her thumbs as she still held his face and she opened her legs more for him. It took almost all of her strength to stop herself from kissing him more and she gently pushed his face away. "Do you love me, Henry?" She knew the answer in her head and her heart, but wanted the confirmation from his own lips. "Do you love me as I love you?"

"You don't love me." He corrected her.

"Yes, I do." She said as she moved her left hand from his cheek down to rest on his chest, her hand sandwiched between their bodies. "I love you. I love how you make me feel."

"Our sex is confusing you."

"Our sex is CONFIRMING to me." She corrected him. "I know you love me. By the way you hold me and the way you touch me. I see your eyes when I speak or when I touch you. Please don't be afraid to say it. Don't make me feel alone in this."

"Hm…" He gave her a soft, but long kiss before soon pulling away, moving off of her and standing from the bed. "It is quite late. I better go back to my room at the saloon." He grabbed his clothes and began to put them on, standing with his back to the bed.

Abigail stood up as well, going to her dresser to pull out a loose, white nightgown with white floral trimming around the bottom and the cuffs of her long sleeves. She pulled it on over her head before going to kneel on the bed behind Henry. She lightly massaged his back while he buttoned up his shirt again. "I am sorry, dear." She told him, kissing the back of his neck and shoulders. "I realize I should not have pushed you. You will say it when you are ready."

"Will I?" He asked before turning around to face her. "Who says I love you at all?...Besides that silly voice in your head?"

"Silly?"

"Naive." He corrected himself before going to put his shoes on.

"You think I am naive?" She asked him, standing up from the bed again.

"We do not love each other, Abigail. We are both just very lonely people who enjoy the few hours of having a warm body to touch."

"I disagree wholeheartedly." She said with strength in her tone though she felt pain in her heart.

"You need to stop listening to your heart and use your head." He ran a hand through his hair before heading out of her bedroom and down the hall toward the stairs.

Abigail immediately followed him, glad that Cody was sleeping over at Robert's tonight so he wouldn't hear any of this. "Now you are saying I don't use my head?" The frustration in her voice began to show though she tried not to get too upset with him.

"Yes. Those WERE the words that I just used." Henry told her with an attitude as he reached the bottom of the stairs, entering the cafe's kitchen.

"Oh, that's rich! Coming from the same man who didn't even use HIS head to keep his own name off the books when stealing money from an entire town." She regretted saying it the second the words came out of her mouth.

Henry reached the backdoor as she said that and his hand stopped on the door knob. He felt a heat wave travel throughout his body as a pain tightened in his chest. He gulped, slowly blinking his eyes at the floor as he realized he felt like someone had hit him in the head with a large tree. He thought he might pass out and gripped the door knob even tighter to keep his balance.

"Henry." Abigail said in a softer, calmer tone. "I didn't mean that. I am sorry. Please forget that I said it."

Henry did not respond to her for a moment as he was focused on regaining his balance and soon, he did. He opened the back door of the cafe and left without another word.

She wanted nothing more than to chase after him, but knew how inappropriate that would be in her nightgown this late at night. If anyone still up at the saloon saw them…the rumors in this town would spread quickly and she wasn't ready for that yet. Not with things between her and Henry being so messy…again.

She knew she was right. She could tell that he at LEAST cared for her. But she should not have tried to force it out of him. She let out a shaky breath, unsure if she should ignore her every thought and run after him. But her eyes looked around the kitchen and soon, into the cafe lobby. She had a job to do in the morning and she needed sleep.

She chose the rational, responsible choice and went to bed, though her words to Henry stung her just as much as they had stung him. She couldn't figure out why she continued to say things like that to him. She started to wonder if maybe she DIDN'T love him. If she did, she wouldn't say those things to him, would she?

Once she crawled back into bed, she stared up at her ceiling with a sigh. "Abigail Stanton, you are a lousy person." She told herself before closing her eyes and trying her best to drift off to sleep.

The next morning, she served breakfast and continued to look toward the door, hoping Henry would enter, though she knew that was an irrational hope to have. Cody soon returned home and began his weekend homework, jonesing to finish it before breakfast rush was over so he could go out and play with Timmy and Robert at the creek where they would pretend to be pirates before lunch.

Abigail was so in her head that she had barely told Cody goodbye once he had gone and she cleaned up after her breakfast customers left the cafe. After everything was in order, Abigail set out toward the mercantile to get some things and then she intended on trying to find Henry to see if he would speak to her.

However, when she entered the mercantile, Ned Yost handed her a telegram that stated her mother had taken ill outside of town and she was expected to visit if possible. She, of course, did not hesitate to begin packing and packed a suitcase for Cody as well. Her mind, now stuck on her sick mother, never felt free enough to tell Henry that she was leaving before they left.

It wasn't until she had arrived in her hometown that she recalled what some of her last words to Henry were.