Had a lot of fun writing this one, and there will also be a reference to the Loud House episode 'The Price of Admission'. And this is also the continuation of the Fire Drill chapter.
I own none of the content.
Episode: Stress Relief Part 1 (Season 5 Episode 14)
CPR Fail
"Stanley was released from the hospital today, and he was ordered to remain calm, and the office has to be stress free. I was released the same day Dwight pulled the Fire Drill stunt. I ended up having a minor concussion, and had to keep Ronnie Anne from killing Dwight after she got me from the hospital.
Besides that, everyone else was ok. Although, keeping Stanley in a stress free environment is going to be hard, considering who he works with. And we are also going to have CPR training today… I don't think it's going to be that simple. In all honesty he should've taken Clyde's dad's offer of moving to Royal Woods. It was a good thing he wasn't around it when I was kid. Or else he would've wound up dead from being in proximity to my house." Lincoln said as he was being interviewed, and looked at the camera with a slightly nervous look.
The group was in the meeting room, listening to the CPR instructor give Kevin instructions on what to do. He didn't last twenty seconds.
"Would you like to try next?" The instructor asked Dwight.
"Absolutely I would not." Dwight said, not liking the events that were happening.
Lincoln rolled his eyes and said," I'll do it."
"Hold on Lincoln, although it's good your volunteering, but your still recovering from a concussion. For all we know, you might hallucinate the dummy is your girlfriend, and who knows what will happen." Michael explained.
Lincoln gave a wtf look when the camera was on him.
"So instead, I believe that Stanley should do it." Michael continued.
"Oh, I don't know." Stanley thought aloud.
Phyllis agreed by saying," That's not a good idea, Michael. He needs to rest."
Michael disagreed and kneeled in front of Stanley and said," We are not always going to be there, to coddle your heart back. When it disappears to be working. What are you gonna do if you're by yourself, and your heart stops?"
"I would die." Stanley simply said.
"And you're ok with that?"
"I'm ok with the logic of it."
"Uh-uh. No, no, no. Come on. Get up. Let's do this." Michael said as he got up, and helped Stanley get up.
When Stanley tried it, Michael thought he wasn't doing well, so he took over. The problem was, everyone soon got off track.
"You know what, if we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have here?"
Lincoln and Pam gave each other questioning glances, wondering what the point of what Michael was saying was.
"I would want to live with no legs." Kevin said.
"How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything." Michael asked.
"That seems a little harsh." Lincoln butted in.
"That's the concussion brain talking."
Lincoln bit back a retort, which would involve saying a curse word, but he didn't know how his boss would react.
Rose the instructor butted in by saying," All right, well, let's get back to it. cause your losing him."
Michael then proceeded to pump the chest too fast.
"Ok that's too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute."
"Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?" Michael said.
Lincoln raised his hand and said," I know of a way. Just pump to the song "Staying Alive". Luna learned that, and that's how she knows how to do CPR."
"Which sister is that? Is it the one that is similar to Angela, who in your own words is uptight, and some times condescending, but also some sort of Superiority complex? Or the one who is similar to Jim, but her pranks are in your words, sometimes overboard and injury induced?" Kevin asked.
There was some slight snickering around the room. Including from the couple Lincoln was sitting next to. Lincoln grinned sheepishly when Angela, and unknown to him, Dwight, gave him a dirty look.
He then coughed and said," Musical one."
Lincoln was being interviewed again, but he held his head in his hands and groaned out," Please tell me none of my sisters will see this? I think I already gave them enough incentive to kill me for some of the things I've said already."
"He's actually right about the song. Do any of you know it?" Rose asked.
"Yes, yes, I do. I love that song." Michael said.
Lincoln found himself bobbing his head to the lyrics, even though from the looks it, Michael and Andy were starting to get off track, and he grinned when Kelly started to dance to Andy's singing. And that ended up the others, including himself, starting to sing as well.
Rose interrupted them by saying," Yeah, okay, you didn't maintain 100 beats per minute, and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911. So you lost him."
Lincoln knew this was going south when Dwight got up and asked everyone what should they do next.
"We bury him." Phyllis said.
"EEH! Wrong. We check for an organ donor card. If he has one, we only have minutes to harvest." Dwight said.
For some reason, Lincoln felt a chill go up his spine, and he didn't want to think about a certain movie.
"When I was 11, I went against my parents wishes, and went to see a horror movie called 'The Harvester'. Long story short, I was traumatized, and had a fear of seeing organs… and farmers. I got over the latter a while ago. I also passed out while dissecting a Mink in High School. I wasn't the only one, my friends Clyde and Rusty did the same. We were partners for it, and we got a C. Our friend Liam was used to it, due to growing up on a farm, and he did most of the work. And it's also the reason why I'm not an organ donor. I don't want to die, and have my organs harvested so some stranger who I won't know, will receive them. Who knows what they'll do with them." Lincoln said with a shutter as he was being interviewed.
"He has no wallet, I checked." Creed supplied.
"He is an organ donor." Michael said.
"He is? Good, give me some ice and a Styrofoam bucket." Dwight instructed as he pulled up his pants leg, and took out a Bowie Knife.
"Here we go." He said and plunged the knife into the chest of the dummy.
Everyone voiced their disapproval or disgust. Lincoln on the other hand, looked white as a sheet, and shook.
Jim and Pam looked at him with concern.
"Lincoln, sweetie, are you alright?" Pam asked concern, as she placed a hand on his shoulder.
"T-The H-harvester." He whispered.
"Are you talking about the movie? I remember watching it, it was good." Jim reminisced, but winced when Pam glared at him.
Lincoln didn't pay attention to what was happening to Stanley. But he did when he heard a hissing sound. He looked up, and blanched when he saw Dwight had the dummy's face on as a mask.
"The Harvester!" He yelped, and ran out of the room.
Everyone looked at him in surprise and concern.
"Lincoln ended up running to the bathroom, and threw up for a couple of minutes. It took about 30 minutes to coax him out. We had to call Ronnie Anne to help, and when she helped Lincoln out, and found out why he was in there. Needless to say, I honestly don't know if I found what happened when she arrived funny, or concerning." Jim said as he was being interviewed, and he looked at the camera with grin.
Footage of what happened was shown; Jim, Andy, and Pam were holding back an irate Ronnie Anne. She was yelling in Spanish at Dwight, who actually looked visibly fearful at the Latina. Everyone else was watching in interest, including Oscar, who had a look between amusement, and slight horror. Lincoln was sitting at his desk with a blanket around him, looking visibly worn, but had his eyebrows risen at his girlfriend.
Oscar was next to be interviewed by himself and simply said, "She said words that I didn't know."
"From the looks of it. Not only is Stanley's health is at risk. But so is Lincoln's mental health as well." Pam said, looking really concerned while she was interviewed.
Let me know what you think.
