Unwilling enemies

3

She hadn't known where her feet would take her after she stormed out of Azula's room. Fists trembling, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, Song simply paced the Palace corridors with a rather incomplete fearlessness, knowing she would do best not to draw attention to herself, not to cause any scenes, not to be seen by any guards who might report to Ozai that any manner of conflict had arisen between her and his daughter…

But who was she kidding? Renkai's companion already had seen her, he had probably overheard several words, stray sentences at least… who knew if he had even heard Azula using her real name. Who knew if he had understood what Song had been urging her to do.

Her anger brought her all the way to the gardens… once there, she plopped herself down by a tree, right next to the turtle-duck pond. She didn't quite realize where she was right away, not until she caught sight of ripples in the water, caused by the swimming hybrid creatures, happily calling for each other, utterly unconcerned and disconnected from the horrors of human reality...

She wasn't genuinely surprised by what Azula had revealed and admitted today. No, she'd had suspicions based on the Princess's silences, on her lack of foresight and the utter absence of what Sokka had defined as 'overplanning'. Too often she seemed to rely exclusively on her father's displays of rare, suspicious kindness in order to stay afloat… where she had once been the epitome of strategic genius, coming up with ideas that others couldn't possibly hope to take a stand against, now she had seemingly crumbled into helplessness, doing whatever her father believed she ought to do, rather than following her heart's mandate…

But how could Song resent her for that? How could Song be angry with Azula for something that, ultimately, was entirely outside the Princess's control?

She had a point, there was no denying it. The Princess had people to protect… but the belief that, in protecting them, she was condemning others, upset Song deeply – it was Ozai who was responsible, Ozai who pushed her to make terrible choices just to survive. And that, on top of everything, Azula would have convinced herself that her only possible fate could be death…?

She snarled, drawing her knees up, elbows resting on them, fingers sliding through her hair: what had been the point? She had abandoned her true identity, done everything she could to survive… she had left the safety of Lo and Li's home to come to Azula, without a single instance of hesitation, in the hopes of providing the Princess with strength and courage, to help her face the dark days that awaited her. And sometimes... sometimes it felt like Azula had truly reclaimed her will to live. Before that damn war meeting, Azula had been lively, as she hadn't been in months. She had finally seemed to be herself, she finally had dared make bolder choices, finally seemed to find some degree of peace with her circumstances. But the wretched meeting had happened… and a deep, bleeding scar had cut across the Princess's heart then. It still bled on now, no matter if Hotaru had been born, no matter if Azula rejoiced in her daughter's health and survival thus far. Because no matter how many times they talked about it, no matter how many times Song pressured her to create a plan to leave the city in case anything terrible happened… surely Azula had only been building plans around Song, Rei and Hotaru. She only wanted to ensure their safety… while caring little for her own. While mistakenly believing that her life, her very existence, would be a burden to everyone until everything ended for her.

The fact that Ozai had driven his daughter to such a dark abyss didn't go lost on Song. The woman she had met so long ago, so confident and even arrogant, had taken life on her terms and done with it as she saw fit. The woman with whom she had become friends had been a protector, someone whose greatest priority was to save the world, amend what had been broken and take a stand for what she knew was the right thing.

Now she was as good as suicidal. Now, she thought everyone would be free once she was out of the way.

If only Sokka were here… oh, how Song wished Sokka could be here to talk sense into Azula. She might still have refused to listen, it was Azula after all… but if someone might have a chance to reach into her depths and make her face the truth, it was the Gladiator. It was the man who had showed her a new way to live, the man who had helped her open her eyes for good, to the point where she had carried on his legacy in his absence, saving and helping people in whatever capacity she could…

But Sokka had tried to reason with her and failed before. He had told her not to return to the Fire Nation, he had warned her it would be a nightmare, and Azula had disregarded all warnings, all be it to keep him safe. So perhaps he couldn't have gotten through to her either. If Rei couldn't do it, if the beautiful baby who craved being in her arms couldn't do it either, perhaps no one could.

Her shoulders shook with desperate sobs as she hugged her knees, as she yanked her hair, as she told herself there had to be another way. There had to be something she could do, somehow… she couldn't just let Azula give up like this. There was no point to surviving, to protecting everyone if Azula would die. Sokka would agree, surely… there was no point. She couldn't do this to them… she couldn't…

Song didn't react when she heard footsteps approaching. She wanted to restrain the sobs, but the anger and despair overpowered her too much. The footsteps stopped right beside her, and a light sound accompanied this sudden arrival as they took their seat by the pond, with her.

"I sent him away when the voices began to rise. Told him to check on lunch. He came back briefly before you stormed away. He shouldn't have heard much."

Renkai, then. Song's stomach twisted – he shouldn't be here. He shouldn't leave Azula to herself right now.

"Go back. You don't… I just need to be alone for a moment, okay?" she said, sniffing. "She's… you can't leave her. Hotaru… go back. Go back."

"I will go back. But I needed to check on you too," Renkai said. Song winced, shaking her head. "Can I ask what happened? I didn't fully understand it. But from what I overheard…"

"She's planning to die," Song hissed. Renkai frowned underneath his helmet, unable to respond to that. "No, not like… like she's outright plotting to kill herself or so, but she expects that's what will happen. That her mistakes and their consequences mean that she can't atone for the horrors that she thinks are her fault… but they're not. It's all her father, it's all the Fire Nation's damn conquest, it's not her fault…"

"She believes she can only atone through death?" Renkai asked. "Then…"

"She's going to fight him. She's going to stand by her father… and she's going to fight Sokka when he finally shows up," Song snarled. "She's crazy if she really thinks he'd go for it… but if he doesn't, someone else might. Maybe someone who wouldn't protect her, someone who wouldn't care if she lives or dies. And then… then everything we've been working for, everything we've been doing will have been for nothing. I mean, it wouldn't really be for nothing, I get that, but…! How can she expect us to go on with our lives knowing she died to save us? How does she think any of us could move on after… after everything? She's leapt forward to save this nation so many times, to protect others… she literally jumped in front of me when Zhao aimed his violence at me. She was still pregnant, and her immediate instinct was to defend me… and she wants me to stand back and not return the favor. To just, what? Focus on Hotaru and forget about her? She's… she's mad if she thinks I could do that. I… I've never had a friend like her. I've never had someone I… I could as good as call my sister. I… I care too much to just let her go, no matter if she's begging me to. I can't… how can she be okay with this? How can she just close her eyes and… and stop hearing the voices of the people telling her that we need her?"

She couldn't really stop the flow of thought, no more than she could stop the flow of tears. She hugged herself, lowering her legs and shaking her head as Renkai watched her with uncertainty, unsure of how to comfort her.

"M-maybe I think too much of the future… b-but that's her fault too. Hers, and Sokka's… and Rui Shi's," she sniffed, rubbing the underside of her nose. "The three of them… they put this stupid idea in my head that I… t-that I finally could start thinking about the future. That the world wasn't bleak and broken, without hope… that I had the right, the chance, to live my life without fear. I was wrong to set aside the war, maybe I was, I… I don't even know, but I… I was a slave. I was fated for anything but this… for a lifetime of suffering, if the Fire Lord could get away with it. And now I'm here and I… I just want to do right by her. I just want to save her because I… w-what kind of future would I even have otherwise? How would I get by and move on if she's not around anymore? I-if I fail at keeping her safe, how could I ever… h-how could I ever look him in the eye again? How could I apologize for… f-for not being strong enough to keep her from self-destructing in some mad bid to atone for the Fire Nation's worst? I… I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do… I…"

She truly didn't know the answer to her questions: thus, she wept. She sat by that pond and she wept. Her shoulders shook, her lips drew back into a snarl, her fingers fisted her hair… the hair she had cut to fit in with this society. She hadn't thought twice of it… especially when she had been called to serve as Azula's midwife. Any sacrifice she had to make for her friend's sake, to be there for her, was a no-brainer. And yet… now it was as though nothing would matter. As though she'd deluded herself into believing she could have an impact on the world around her, only to learn otherwise painfully now. Only to lose her mind to worry, to dread, to a panic so strong as her stability once again took a terrible tumble. It didn't really matter if everything was terrifying… provided she could believe Azula would still be here. Provided she could be certain that she'd have the chance to stand by her friend until the horrors they had to face finally faded away…

It took her some time to calm down again. For her breathing not to be interrupted by hiccups and gasps for air upon her every sob. Her body felt so heavy as she wiped more tears, and she breathed deeply as she tried to calm down, to stop her rampaging mind…

A gentle hand fell upon her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"I… I'm sorry if I'm being inappropriate," Renkai said. Song swallowed hard, glancing down at the gloved hand… remembering another hand, in another glove, that had often offered her gentle comfort whenever she had been distraught. "I know I can't… w-well, even after all these months, you and I aren't so close that I should feel emboldened enough to do this. But I just… I wish you wouldn't have any cause to cry. You, the Princess or Rei… that none of you would have reason to be upset, let alone at each other."

"Well, I… I was mad at her because it sounded better to be angry than dropping at her feet to beg her not to leave us," Song admitted, rubbing her eyes with a hand. "But I guess now that I processed things better, I might do just that. Fuck my dignity, not like it's done me any good, anyway…"

"It's done you a lot of good, but that's beside the point," Renkai said, gazing at her intensely. "The Princess… her position has been precarious all along."

"I know that," Song rebuffed, rubbing her eyes even more violently. "I… I get why she feels the way she does, even if I hate that she does. And I hate everyone who convinced her that this was her only fate… I just hate it all."

"I understand that you do. And that you might be upset at her for choosing this path," Renkai whispered. "Unfortunately… it's one more regard in which the Fire Lord's beliefs have permeated far more deeply in her heart and soul than they should have. Death is… is preferable to disloyalty, in a sense. For some, it's a matter of idealism. For her… it's because she fears what will happen if she's not around to protect the likes of us, should she betray the Fire Lord openly."

Song shuddered. She glanced at Renkai with uncertainty, finding even through his perfect uniform that he wasn't unaffected by knowing their Princess's resilience was faltering.

"It doesn't really help, I'm sure, that he's the one carrying the battles forward," Renkai added. "She wanted him safe, but he's doing whatever he wishes to. Along with that, what he's doing is something the Princess never would have wanted him to do, I suspect… otherwise, the two of them would have done this years ago. It's dangerous… he might wind up dead. He might have to kill countless people, perhaps even people she called friends, people they were allies with, in order to survive… it only seems easy on first glance, when the reality of the matter doesn't sink in. And for her, after everything she's been through… I suspect she's never going to look at the brighter side in these circumstances. For… even if everything turns out the way the Gladiator wants it to be, could they even hope to be together? Would the world allow it? Or would they get in their way, demanding that the Princess should have nothing to do with him, especially after he became the Fire Nation's scourge…?"

"Well, fuck them if that's how they react," Song said, shaking her head. "She has a right to live her life however she wants to. She's abided by her father and the Fire Nation's demands for far too long already…"

"Then… you believe she'll abandon the Fire Nation for good?" Renkai asked. Song grimaced. "I can't say for sure that she would or wouldn't… but if the Fire Lord fell, she would be a good candidate for taking his place. The best candidate, in the eyes of many…"

"If that's how it is… do you really think there's nothing to be done?" Song asked, looking at him in disbelief. "That the Fire Nation won't let them be together? That they won't be able to return to each other because the world keeps getting in the way? I… I'm sorry, but I can't fathom anything like that. It's not like I even have any clue of how to help, of how to protect them… but I'm so tired of being the one who gets protected when I can't save anyone, not even myself."

"You've saved lives all along, even if not by fighting constantly," Renkai said. "You saved the Princess's daughter… you saved the Princess herself in more ways than you know."

"And yet she thinks she has to die," Song said, with a snarl. "I… I'd never think all my work for her, all our efforts, have been in vain, no matter the outcome. But… it just kills me to think that she does. To think she has so little hope left… no, she actually has none. She's blinded to hope by her sadness, by the pain she has endured, to the point where even if the very best outcome happened, she'd still be bracing herself for an unforeseen attack. She's… she's traumatized. She has no idea how else to live her life, to the point where she thinks the only escape is… is death?"

"It happens to a lot of people," Renkai whispered. Song looked at him in confusion. "I've heard stories… Fire Nation soldiers who failed at the task they were assigned by the Fire Lord. Rather than face the consequences of that failure, fearful of what they might be, they would commit to a suicidal final assault against the enemy, so they could die heroically on a battlefield and not condemn themselves or their families to scandal and disdain. I'm not saying it's the same thing, but it reminded me of it regardless, as the Princess thinks she's trapped…"

"What consequences would she face, if she joins with Sokka again once he wins the war?" Song asked, frowning.

"She would become a traitor in the Fire Nation's eyes," Renkai said. "She might even be seen as the ultimate, evil brain behind the operation that tore down the Hundred Year War. She could be hunted down, assassinated by her father's loyalists for her role in his downfall… even if she plays none. Unless she takes a stand against the Gladiator and his forces, she will be a betrayer once it becomes public knowledge that the enemy leader is Sokka. And where you might think this should not concern her, considering how the Fire Nation has treated her… the Princess has spent her entire life serving this nation. A great number of people she cares for are here. If she falls… all of you will fall with her. It's the same if, instead of waiting for the Fire Lord to lose, she chose to escape now: the Fire Lord would hunt her down, she would be declared a traitor… it would be his last cruel blow to her, I would suppose, before…"

"Okay… I get it. I mean… I get that this is what she's feeling and fearing right now, but I don't understand how her old instincts to solve problems have shifted into this complete defeatist mentality," Song said, shaking her head. "This… it should mean the end of the war. I'm not pretending war is ever good, regardless of which side you stand on, especially when you're a civilian… but knowing Sokka was on his way here filled me with hope. I couldn't help but picture everything that will happen once he comes back, how he'll react to meeting his daughter, how he'll get along with Rei… how much his company will help Azula heal. And now I find out that… that she won't be there to see it happen? That she thinks she has to die along with her father's regime? As if she were a leader of his forces, because that's what he wants her to be… as if she were responsible for the horrors she's had to reduce herself to in order to survive. It's just… it's not fair. It's not right. I can't just close my eyes and pretend otherwise, I…"

"I agree," Renkai said, quietly. Song dabbed at her eyes again, trying to stop the tears helplessly. "I do believe, because I have to, that there could be something better awaiting us in the future. If I didn't, I would take all of you and flee at once, for if there's nothing good in store, why would we waste away here? We could build a better future of our own someplace else…"

"Exactly," Song said, shaking her head. "If this is all we have to look forward to… I get that she cares about her people and her nation, but if they're going to have her killed, I don't think they're worth it. I just… I can't accept her course of action. I can't…"

"I'm afraid you might not have a choice," Renkai said. Song flinched. "As it was for everyone… the Princess makes her choices and if even the Gladiator couldn't get her to change her mind when she determined to return, the rest of us won't be bound to have better luck. But the way I see it? I fear that, for someone who has been through the anguish she has experienced, someone who is traumatized, as you put it… hope is something terrifying to hold onto."

"Terrifying?" Song repeated. Renkai nodded.

"Hope for a future… a beautiful picture to aspire to, a glorious outcome? If she allows herself to believe in them, she might lose sight of reality, of the dangers and threats and consequences that follow her everywhere she goes. Those threats have come close to costing her the life of her dragon… the survival of her daughter. Once you hit a point so low, where you can't seem to find the way back to the surface… hoping for a better outcome can be the final blow that breaks a person once that hope is betrayed."

Song gritted her teeth… her heart clenched as she recognized the truths in Renkai's words. She had known a similar, deep darkness… the darkness of being isolated from everything she knew, chained and bound to a group of strangers, waiting for a terrible outcome that hadn't arrived in the end. But up until Sokka had spoken to her… up until that moment, had anyone told her to hold onto hope, to believe her life might not be so miserable forever, Song would have been outraged by the notion. She would have rejected it… she would have refused to fathom finding any peace, any happiness after the horrors she had faced so many times at the hands of the Fire Nation's army.

Had anyone told her she would find love with a Royal Guard, she would have found the notion appalling.

Had anyone told her she would grow to treasure her bond with the Fire Lord's daughter to this extent, she would have assumed it was a bad joke.

And yet here she was. Here she sat, by the side of another guard, one who had far more empathy in his heart for Princess Azula than he ever had meant to hold. All of them had clung to hope and relinquished it in different ways, facing complications and hurdles in life that they had barely known how to navigate. In that sense… Azula was no different from her. Her loss of hope, her willingness to die, would take a greater toll on the world than that of anyone else because of her role, because how many lives she had affected and touched. But even if she hated to empathize with this sentiment… even then, Song could understand why Azula felt as she did.

She gritted her teeth, clenching her fists firmly over her knees. Perhaps she understood… but that didn't mean she had to agree.

"If that's how it is… then I'll be the one holding onto hope for the both of us," she said, with determination. Renkai raised an eyebrow. "While she loses her mind to worry, while she has no choice but to do her father's bidding, I… I'll be the one reminding her that there's a chance her life will turn out quite differently from what she expects. Whenever she says anything like the things she said today, I… I will tell her my truth. The truth I live by. The belief that one day… one day, this world will become far more beautiful than any of us knew it could be. And that she will be part of it… I will do everything in my power to make sure that she will be part of it. Maybe she thinks it's impossible… so I'll just have to prove her wrong. I'll prove her wrong."

Renkai breathed deeply, reaching out to clasp Song's shoulder again. Her eyes were still tearful, but her brow had been drawn in a determined frown.

"She won't make it easy…" Renkai warned her. Song snorted.

"She never does. With anything," she said. "But she'll see. Even if the only likely outcome were her death, as she's so sure of it… Sokka will prove her wrong tenfold, all the more. That rebellious, brilliant bastard is going to come back… and he will remind her of everything that she found admirable about him… everything she found infuriating, too. Such as that rebelliousness… such as his ability to step up, take charge and turn any situation around simply because he's Sokka."

"I can only hope you're right," Renkai said, with a weak grin. Song breathed deeply, glancing at him gratefully.

"I… I'm a bit of a mess right now, but… thank you for coming after me. Though… we should go back now. I don't trust leaving them alone for that long, not with an unknown guard standing by her bedroom's door…"

"Right. Then, if you're ready… let's return now," Renkai said, pushing himself up to his feet and offering Song his hand to pull her up, too.

Inappropriate as it was, Song stepped forward after he helped her to her feet: she wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing her face to his shoulder. Renkai froze on the spot… unable to remember the last time he had received a gesture of affection of any sort.

"Please… stand by her and support her in every way she needs to. If… if I'll be her hope, you can be her anchor," Song said, pulling back from the hug. Renkai, blushing albeit unnoticeably, nodded in her direction. "You might not be able to fight every battle for her… but keep her steady. Help her by reminding her that she doesn't have to stay afloat on her own… that some of us would stand by her side to the end, whatever it might be. That… we don't need to be saved, if the only way for her to do so will culminate in her death."

"I will try, Lady Wen," Renkai said, bowing his head slightly. "Though… she is stubborn."

"Don't I know it," Song said, dabbing the tears off her cheeks again. Renkai smiled weakly. "But so are we."

His smile gained strength upon hearing that. When he nodded, Song smiled, if just slightly. The smile already represented a glimmer of the hope she intended to bring to the Princess… she would bring it upon returning to her room now, settled, calmer than before, while still feeling a ferocious loyalty to the Princess whose precious life needed to be protected, whether from her numerous foes, the consequences of her actions, or her certainty that she was not worth everyone's efforts. It might take a lifetime to convince her of the truth… so Song would be better off by starting to persuade her of it as soon as possible.

Still emotional, still upset, while also clinging to hope stubbornly, Song marched back into the Palace followed by Renkai. Again, it was a reminder of how far she had come in life… of what strange places she had come to find herself in. Hope was dangerous, it could be devastating if lost, if it fizzled out without going fulfilled… and it could be grand and brilliant if it paid off, instead. She was a survivor… she had lost all hope once and she had reclaimed it over time, where genuine kindness had replaced relentless cruelty for good. It seemed fitting that she'd be the one to do the same thing for the Princess… that the very person who had started Song on a journey of unexpected hope would be the one for whom Song would have to represent the same thing. She didn't know how she'd go about it yet… but she was determined to go forward with this self-appointed task. To stand by Azula… even as the Princess was forced to do terrible things by her father, Song would stand by her side. Even as Azula took on a place in the battlefield directly opposite to Sokka's… Song would be there to remind her of the possibilities, of who Sokka truly was, of his absolute devotion and loyalty to the woman he loved. Of his true goal in life… of the purpose that burned bright in his heart: the determination to build the world where the two of them, and all people torn away from one another, would finally be free to love each other, for good.

The guard by the room seemed tense once they arrived. He bowed his head curtly towards Renkai and Song before taking his position: Renkai opened the door for Song, and she bowed her own head towards him.

"Thank you, Captain," she whispered. Her tone made it starkly clear that her gratitude obeyed something far deeper this time, rather than simply being a straightforward courtesy for opening the door.

Renkai didn't respond other than by dipping his head in reverence towards her. Despite herself, Song managed a smile before entering the room.

The grin waned quickly once she was back in the place she had worked so hard to condition for the Princess's use after Zhao's chaotic outburst. It was familiar, even if she knew it wasn't completely safe… but the main source of apprehension in Song's heart was to be found in the current occupants of the room, rather than in the dark events that had taken place within it.

Hotaru, it seemed, remained in her crib, miraculously unperturbed by the argument from earlier. Rei, too, had fallen asleep, with her head on Azula's lap, as the Princess sat on her bed, her back against the headboard.

Her downcast eyes met Song's. Trepidation crossed their gazes as they regarded each other far more warily than ever before.

For a long moment, Song simply stood where she did, allowing herself to build up her resolve, to cling to it… to strengthen it further before stepping towards the bed. Azula squared her jaw, unwilling to meet her eyes anymore as Song climbed on the mattress, on the side Rei wasn't sleeping at. There was enough room for her there – it was, truly, a massive bed –, so she shoved off her shoes with absolute carelessness, as though nothing were wrong whatsoever, as though finding comfort was as simple today as it was whenever she breached boundaries carelessly to rest on the Princess's bed.

"Song, I…" Azula called her, uncertain…

Her words were interrupted when the healer's hand dropped on hers. When her fingers squeezed her own gently, and when Song drew in a deep breath before releasing it slowly.

"I don't agree with you," Song said, earnestly. Azula gritted her teeth. "I never will, not when it comes to this. I… I definitely am too emotional still to make enough sense, so I won't say too much, but…"

She breathed deeply again, dabbing at the tears that treacherously formed in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Azula clenched up, her heart tightening over the sight of Song's unbridled emotions.

"Ultimately… I want you to know I'm not going anywhere, if you aren't," Song said. "If this is what you have to do… then you're doomed to drag me behind you, wherever you may go. And the whole time… I'll be right there, pestering you about the future I know we can still have. I know why you believe otherwise… I understand why. I grasp your pain… I know why you've given up hope. But even if I can't bring it back for you… I can lend you my own, until you reclaim yours."

"Reclaim my hope?" Azula repeated. Song smiled and nodded, meeting her eyes now. "Song, I… I'm sorry. I know I… I said things you didn't want to hear, but…"

"I'm glad you did. I don't want or need you to be cautious when you talk to me," Song said. "I'd rather know the truth… even if it's a dark and painful truth. How will I talk you out of things if I don't know what's on your mind, to begin with?"

"Talk me out of it?" Azula repeated, with a weak grin. "That's your plan?"

"I'll try, if nothing else," Song said, with a sad smile. "I'm sorry I lost my temper, too…"

"You don't have to be. I'm well aware that pushing someone like you to this extreme is… well, not easy, and not something to be taken lightly," Azula said, swallowing hard. "Not that I can agree with you, still, but… I'd rather not give you cause to be this upset again."

"If that's how it is… learn to listen to me and do what I say once in a while. That's bound to help," Song said.

Azula snorted lightly: she turned a heartfelt, grateful gaze to her friend, who returned it with a kind smile.

After so many years, after experiencing so many different kinds of bonds, it seemed unthinkable that the friendship they had built would grow to mean as much to Azula as it did now. The Princess's heart, so tense before, now seemed to bleed out the pain before beginning to mend its latest wound, caused by her father's expectations and demands, by her close friend's outrage at the choices she had opted for…

Because at this point, even with so many tight friendships, the bond she had nourished with Song had become unique, powerful in ways Azula hadn't quite realized until now. The fear of damaging this friendship beyond repair had reared up while Rei wept, before she took to napping to recover after exteriorizing her emotions so powerfully. The realization that she truly didn't want to face whatever came next without Song had struck her like lightning. She had become her confidante, one of her very closest companions… a true friend, willing to stand up to her just as she was eager to support her across any challenges she might have to face.

Song released Azula's hand, opting instead for wrapping her arm around her friend's shoulders – the Princess's left shoulder had healed sufficiently as to not hurt upon contact anymore. The comforting gesture saw Azula dropping her head on Song's shoulder as she closed her eyes, giving in to a moment of vulnerable weakness in which she wordlessly conveyed how deeply she cherished their friendship. Even if a few more tears spilled from their eyes, the two women tightened their bond just as it had seemed to become frayed. As difficult as the road ahead might be, giving up on each other, pushing each other away, would never be an option for Azula and Song. This test would not cause them to crumble… this challenge would not destroy them. For as small as hope could be in the midst of devastation, as small as light might be in impenetrable darkness, Song would ensure to help Azula find them once more… and she would convince her, one way or another, to never let them go. To stay afloat in that darkness, whatever the cost might be…

For dark days awaited them in the coming months… the darkest days they would have to face yet, as the Hundred Year War unraveled towards its turbulent conclusion.


His footwork, the swings and strokes of his blade, improved on a daily basis, probably at a much faster pace than Kino could recognize. He constantly compared himself to better warriors… which could be a blessing as well as a curse, considering that his two primary training partners happened to be two of the best swordsmen in the world.

Being defeated by Sokka or Piandao, however, didn't discourage the stubborn Fire Nation man: he had learned to take loss in stride, to rejoice in small victories, such as finding a successful way to parry a blow, striking the opponent's blade with the right amount of strength to stop their approach or deviate it away from him, and in developing further agility. That being said, he hadn't defeated them once just yet, no matter how much he improved as a fighter.

Piandao had instructed him on that day, but he had left Kino to train with Sokka for the time being, as he had something important to take care of. The Gladiator tended to make each duel more challenging gradually, starting out by allowing Kino to lead, parrying some blows in an encouraging manner, before strengthening his responses until he disarmed Kino. Little by little, Kino was managing to make the sparring bouts last longer, and that counted as a grand victory for him, no matter if he objectively had none to his name thus far.

"Ha! That must have been like… I don't know, three minutes!" Kino laughed, grinning brightly at Sokka, who smiled back. "I guess I should be up for longer fights, but that's still longer than usual! Though… you weren't going easy on me, were you?"

"I always go easy on you at first. Looks like you're finally pushing me a little further, though," Sokka said, a hand on his hip. Kino grinned brightly, eyes aglow with illusion.

He wasn't the only person training on that day: the large grounds of Ba Sing Se's Imperial Palace had seldom seen so much activity, let alone activity related to army drills and soldier training, which traditionally had never been carried out there. Now, with the Gladiator Army occupying the city, much had changed as traditions were set aside for preparations to wage war. The training, however, had to be done as quickly as possible that day, for snow was starting to trickle down from the charged clouds above: winter had been light in Ba Sing Se that year, mainly with low temperatures and only the occasional snowfall thus far, but that appeared poised to change soon.

As the snow hadn't gained that much strength yet, many soldiers had taken advantage of that day for some direly needed training, both in matters of martial arts as well as in obeying orders and commands, one of the most challenging matters on any battlefield. The music squad, now without Kino, continued to practice their craft by also teaching the army's soldiers how to obey every command issued by their tsungi horns.

Kino might have wanted to join them… but he was far more focused on making himself useful and helpful for the upcoming battle in the North Pole, where his musical leanings wouldn't be of much use. His tenacity and stubbornness at self-improvement brought Sokka to wonder if he had been like that, too, when he had first arrived in Shu Jing… according to Piandao, it seemed so. Kino was correct to continue pushing his boundaries with training and practice: no one knew what to expect from their next incursions, and the group that would travel to the Northern Water Tribe was the most apprehensive of them all.

"I guess I'll get more practice in after the blizzard is out of the way," Kino said, glancing at the dark skies wistfully. "Almost reminds me of home, heh."

"Home," Sokka repeated, amused. Kino blinked blankly, eyeing him with confusion. "It's just curious how easily you use the word to refer to the Water Tribe…"

"Well… it is easy," Kino said, with a careless shrug. "It's the only home I've ever known. No idea if it always will be, but… I'll always think of it as home on some level, I think."

"That's great," Sokka said, with a kind smile. "Though we're off to the other Water Tribe, next. I've never been there, myself… people always say the north is much stuffier and fancy than the south."

"Really?" Kino asked, raising an eyebrow. "Uh… I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"I wonder about that myself," Sokka said. "But we'll find out pretty soon, won't we?"

"Seems so," Kino said, with a weak grin. "I am a bit nervous, but… hopefully we'll arrive before the Fire Lord's forces can do anything important, right? I probably won't have much of a role to play in that case, but still…"

"Would you prefer that?" Sokka asked. Kino shrugged.

"Maybe? I just worry that I'm going to mess up if anything important were up to me…" he admitted, fiddling with his thumbs while still holding his sword. Sokka smiled, shaking his head.

"Considering you've done great at every task I've given you for as long as you've worked with me, I have very little reason to doubt you," he said. Kino's cheeks flushed. "Just follow your gut, do what you need to do and don't second-guess yourself any more than necessary. Which, uh, I guess sounds weird now that I said it. It's difficult to gauge how much second-guessing is appropriate, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think it would be," Kino grinned awkwardly.

Kino had spent quite a lot of energies in that last bout, so it was only natural for them to take a break, but rising noise nearby caught their attention. Some of it sounded like cheering, but some seemed to be anguished, instead. The two swordsmen frowned as they glanced in the direction of the sounds, its source a much larger cluster of training soldiers.

They weren't, however, any given soldiers: as they approached, Sokka identified the specific faction as the White Lotus's waterbenders, and while they might have been training hard, it seemed that right now, most of them were simply watching a bout between two of their benders.

"What do you think they're up to?" Kino asked, pushing himself up to his toes in order to get a better glimpse of what was happening.

Sokka didn't answer his question, for he didn't need to: the group surrounding the fighters stepped aside quickly upon realizing the leader of their army had approached them, perplexed and curious… to find that Anorak and Unnuaq were in the middle of a rough duel.

Unnuaq was on the offensive… which wasn't a position anyone would want to be in when confronting Anorak. His waterbending style flowed so much more smoothly than Unnuaq's violent bursts of power, where all circular motions were meant to gather strength in the launching of his ice spikes, or the barrages of water… whereas Anorak's bending ability helped him slow down the enemy's attacks before ensnaring them for his own use. Everything Unnuaq threw at him, Anorak swiftly seized it in his power, amassing a considerable amount of water that only increased as it swirled around him, with each of his arms' circular movements.

The fact that Unnuaq was basically building Anorak's mobile shield didn't seem to register in the waterbender's mind: he continued attacking mindlessly, roaring ferociously, as though expecting that at some point, Anorak's defense would drop and, once it did, he would be able to strike him down. His recklessness continued supplying Anorak with even more waterpower, a stronger centripetal shield, spinning at full speed around him as he glared ferociously in his opponent's direction.

By then, Unnuaq even tore open the waterskins of the nearby waterbenders watching their duel, using their water to compose a stronger spike of ice yet… one he launched in an arch at Anorak from above. The defending waterbender allowed his eyes to flicker upwards upon hearing Unnuaq's latest war cry…

Anorak lowered his shield before boosting its water towards the ice spike: he caught it with one end of the now broken shield before twirling in place once and kicking the spike violently towards Unnuaq.

His eyes flashed coldly as water and ice powered towards his opponent… but they eased on their violence once Unnuaq was unceremoniously pushed back, into a tree by the massive attack that Anorak had bent against him. The other waterbender at least succeeded in breaking the tip of the ice attack before it reached him, resulting in no urgent injuries because of it… but now he lay shaken, defeated and thoroughly soaked, against the trunk of that tree.

Anorak winced. Half the group rushed up to him to congratulate him… the other half to Unnuaq, to take care of their comrade. The apprehension in his visage suggested he hadn't quite meant to be so harsh on Unnuaq, and yet his determination had pushed him to strange places…

"I'm fine, I'm fine… don't crowd around me like that, ha!" Unnuaq rebuffed the aid, laughing off the damage and rising to his feet. "Only Colonel Anorak could ever hope to defeat me this way, of course! None of you lot would have it in you. Thank you for the sparring bout, Colonel!"

"Right," Anorak responded, awkward. Unnuaq smiled, and Anorak couldn't even judge whether the grin was honest or not before Unnuaq turned to the rest of the group, challenging others and promising to make use of the same techniques Anorak had relied on to defeat him.

After a few congratulations, though, most the waterbenders moved on to Unnuaq, eager to continue their training with him… though some stood by Sokka and Kino, eyeing them warily until Anorak himself grew aware of their presence.

"Oh… I'm sorry if we distracted you from your own training," Anorak said, stepping towards them. "I don't know if we were being too noisy. I hope your training rounds went well, too."

"They were fine. Kino's making good progress," Sokka said, and Kino grinned goofily before nodding in agreement. "Are you alright, though? You seem a little… rattled?"

"Well, that's a word," Anorak said, with a weak grin. "I'm fine, I just…"

His face, the helpless expression across it, immediately indicated he was lying. Sokka raised an eyebrow, and the waterbender met his eyes with helplessness…

Five minutes later, the three of them were in a room in Ba Sing Se's Palace, sipping warm tea to chase away the cold while Anorak prepared to explain himself, brow furrowed, heart troubled.

"I'm being irrational and even childish. I shouldn't be, I… I suppose I'm just worried about stupid things," he said, setting down his tea and folding his arms over his chest. "So many things will be changing, and there's no telling what the consequences will be. But… some things already have changed, well before we set out on our next journey, and I can't pretend to be sure that I'm pleased with all those changes."

"Something already changed, you say?" Kino asked, puzzled. "What's the issue?"

Anorak breathed deeply, glancing out the window.

"When I… when me and my group were deployed to aid the White Lotus, sent by my master, Pakku, I was the best out of our waterbenders," Anorak said. "I don't think that has changed over time, but… other things did. I suppose I took more pride in being one of Master Jeong Jeong's most trusted officers than I realized…"

"What do you mean?" Sokka asked, frowning. Anorak breathed deeply, rubbing his brow with his fingertips.

"Your groups are setting out on your respective missions soon," Anorak said. "The first to leave will be the ones heading south… one group led by Colonel Toph, the other by Shiju and General Fong, right? Shiju's absence… well, it doesn't exactly leave a vacuum of power among Master Jeong Jeong's forces, not truly, and yet that's what it's feeling like. Unnuaq… he's a decent waterbender. He's very aggressive, very reckless… but that wouldn't be much of an issue if he weren't such a bootlicker to his superiors."

"Bootlicker?" Kino grimaced. Anorak sighed, shaking his head.

"I keep thinking I judge him too harshly, but he's always acted this way… cozying up to everyone with power near him. You've definitely noticed how he was completely against you, Sokka, but after you took Ba Sing Se…"

"Yeah, I 'proved' myself to him," Sokka said, rolling his eyes. "I did notice the change. He never so much as spoke to me before, and suddenly he started vying for my attention and approval whenever he could do it once we got here. Good thing he was kept out of the latest meetings…"

"If he somehow persuades Master Jeong Jeong of his worth and loyalty, though, he might just be in the next ones," Anorak grimaced. "And the thing is, Master Jeong Jeong never humored him before. But as of late…"

"As of late?" Sokka repeated. "How long ago is 'as of late', exactly?"

"A month, maybe two," Anorak sighed. "I didn't fully pick up on it before, but I have now and… well, I never really make it my business to judge Master Jeong Jeong on any basis. But right now, I… I can't help but think that what he did with Prince Zuko was some attempt at vindicating himself because of me."

"You?" Sokka frowned. "I don't think I follow. Or… do you mean because you and I get along far better than he meant for us to get along? Is it that, since you're not as eager to beat me up as you were when I first showed up in the White Lotus Fortress, you're untrustworthy now?"

"Well… I might be for him," Anorak said. "He usually handles matters of loyalty with nonchalance, he's stoic about the whole thing… but not this time. Maybe it's because I'm too highly ranked… maybe because he doesn't like the idea that I might be influenced by you somehow. So, he might be humoring Unnuaq as a manner of punishment towards me, using Shiju's absence to fit Unnuaq in his place… and his attempt to recruit Prince Zuko could obey another logic, but it might still be related to his frustrations with me, over my perceived betrayal of him by leaning more towards your beliefs lately than I identify with his."

"Heh. He's really petty, if you're right. Not that it would surprise me much," Sokka said, rolling his eyes. "Doesn't really matter to me if he tries to poison Zuko's mind, though… that guy's gotten way stronger at enduring things, at taking a stand against them, than I ever imagined possible from him. Jeong Jeong might think he has it easy to turn him against me… but I don't think Zuko would do that, actually."

"He wouldn't be that stupid," Kino declared, stubbornly. "You're his brother-in-law, and along with that, you're terrifyingly strong. Bet that even if he went crazy and wanted to hurt you, he'd never dare because you're that scary, Sokka."

"Not exactly the answer I was expecting, but thank you," Sokka smiled at his friend before turning to Anorak again. "Do you really think that might have been another reason why he did this?"

"I don't know. I could just be paranoid, foolish, I… like I said, I'm definitely being childish. I don't know why I'm feeling so threatened by Unnuaq, so… I guess after defeating him just now, reality came back into focus and I can't help but feel stupid," Anorak admitted. "But being part of Master Jeong Jeong's closest circle has always been, well, meaningful, I guess?"

"You need approval from authority figures to think you're making the right choices, or you'll feel unsettled and shaky," Kino concluded, with a careless smile. Anorak grimaced. "Nothing to worry about, I've been there too, still am sometimes…"

"Sounds like you think it's something I could grow out of. That I should grow out of, too," Anorak said, running a hand over his hair. "And you're probably right to think so, if you do. I don't really understand it, I guess… it's just the way things worked in the Northern Water Tribe. Proving yourself and earning the acknowledgement of your superior through hard work was what mattered… and I suppose I made it harder for my peers whenever I succeeded, since I'd stand out among them. Still… my worth and my talent wouldn't be any different just because of Unnuaq, or because Master Jeong Jeong happens to be acting erratically. Right?"

"Clearly. Neither of them can determine your worth for you," Sokka shrugged. Anorak sighed, hanging his head in defeat.

"It had to be different for you, right? In the south?" Anorak asked. Sokka snorted.

"My dad is the chief of the Southern Water Tribe. You've heard that, haven't you?" Sokka asked. Anorak shrugged.

"Somewhat… though from what I understand, that doesn't really mean the same thing in the south as it does in the north," Anorak probed.

"Well, I can't pretend I know what it means in the north, honestly," Sokka admitted. "But for me… it meant that my dad was someone I had to prove myself for, too. But part of how I did it was by showing him that I would be more than just the subservient, obedient son. I wanted him to see me making my own choices and contesting his, if I thought he was making mistakes… but then I only managed to prove I was a mess, so there's that, huh?"

"You didn't prove that… your dad thinks you were the coolest person in the world," Kino said, stubbornly. Sokka chuckled and shook his head.

"But then… you weren't afraid of defying your father?" Anorak asked. "You never thought there might be consequences, or that he might hurt you, or that you'd lose his favor…?"

"Uh… no," Sokka answered, eyeing Anorak with empathy. "Did it feel that way for you?"

"Well… sometimes, with Master Pakku. Not with my parents," said Anorak. "It does feel that way with Master Jeong Jeong… I'd even say it's worse than it ever was with Master Pakku, too. But still… you're not blindly loyal to anyone. You weren't raised to be like that, right?"

"No, I wasn't," Sokka said. "Which effectively makes me a rebellious shithead, and a lot of people are quite infuriated by that tendency of mine, but…"

"I suppose they are… but it's probably the one true reason why you had to be our leader," Anorak said, with a sad smile. "I've always noticed and compared it, without really meaning to. The way you lead… the way Master Jeong Jeong does. Back when we… when he chased you, years ago? Nobody questioned that. We simply assumed he had his reasons, that he had a right to do what he did, that if we couldn't understand why he was making those choices, it was because we didn't see the full picture while he did. Now, though? I guess… in defying him, you've shown me I could do it too, if I dared. And it has showed him that he needs to build a more solid base of loyalists than he already had, I'd guess…"

"What's the point of blind loyalty?" Sokka said, rolling his eyes. "He should prefer having people around who will warn him away from doing something stupid. I know I'm glad I do… though I'll only listen when they really have a point, heh."

"Rebellious even with the people who are rebelling against you?" Kino said. Sokka shrugged.

"Either way, if Jeong Jeong is expecting Zuko to be some mindless, blank slate he can fill with his own ideals, he's in for a surprise," Sokka said. "Besides, it's not like he'll have a lot of opportunities to do that, considering Zuko will be heading north with us, not west with you guys, so…"

"Yeah… I guess so. Maybe I really am just overthinking everything…" Anorak said, rubbing his brow again. Sokka eyed him somewhat remorsefully.

"I'm sorry if your life's gotten more chaotic because of this. I didn't really mean to drive a wedge between you and Jeong Jeong… though I have to say, you shouldn't feel duty-bound to be submissive and subservient to people like him," Sokka said, breathing deeply. "If he's worried that you'll speak out, that you'll rebel… then that's on him, not on you. If he wants sycophants rather than actual allies, equals, then he's unfortunately taking after Ozai in more ways than anyone ever should."

"You think?" Kino grimaced. Sokka shrugged.

"I've told him all along… I see a lot of common ground between them," Sokka said. "Doesn't change that Jeong Jeong's in the right position, in regards of the war… but why Jeong Jeong feels the need to be a godlike leader, to retain power, to be one of the stronger authorities in our forces, beats me. Whatever his reasons, though, he has no business alienating his own people by being an insecure moron. You deserve better than following a leader who won't listen to your counsel, Anorak."

"He could join us," Kino suggested, with a bright grin he directed towards Anorak. "I mean, it's the North Pole! It's your home, right?"

"Well… I would like to visit my home again, yes," Anorak admitted, with a weak smile. "And see my family, but I… I'll be more useful if I continue towards Yu Dao, I believe. You're bound to meet many powerful waterbenders, some stronger than me, up north. Bringing more waterbenders with you won't really offer you a distinctive advantage, so… I think I'll just stick with the plan, even if I'd like to go."

"Ow… that's too bad," Kino pouted. Anorak shrugged.

"Family, though?" Sokka said. Anorak raised an eyebrow. "Huh. Jeong Jeong's going to give us some letter to deliver to your waterbending master, or at least that's what he promised… maybe you could give us a letter of your own, for your family, too? I don't know for how long you've been in the Earth Kingdom, but I bet it's been quite some time…"

"Seven years," Anorak said, with a weak smile. "You're sure?"

"Won't be a problem," Sokka said, nodding. Anorak's smiled gained strength.

"You're… you're just so southern," he said, with a chuckle. Sokka raised an eyebrow suspiciously now.

"Oh? Is that a good or a bad thing, all of sudden?" Sokka asked, skeptical.

"In this situation? Couldn't be better," Anorak smiled earnestly. "Though I guess that's true for just about everything in which you channel your upbringing and your experiences. Your leadership, your way of thinking of others ahead of yourself… you're so much more considerate than those of us who were born in the Northern Water Tribe. With so much vying for approval, the last thing we think about is who we're hurting on our way to the top. It's why I… why I feel bad about Unnuaq, too. I don't know if he's really as unpleasant a person as I keep feeling he is… I don't know if I trust my gut to that extent. But there's definitely a part of me that has been unfair to him… and I really shouldn't have lashed out at him as I did today. I'll… I'll try to temper myself. Hopefully, by the time we meet again for the final assault, I'll be a better man than I am right now."

"Well, I could always provide you with some guru knowledge on how to unlock your chakras, if you'd like to hear it…" Kino smiled smugly. Anorak blinked, eyeing him with confusion. "It works, it really does! Just ask Aang and Katara, they'll tell you it's true…"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but… if you think you know of something that could help me, I won't reject the offer," Anorak smiled weakly. Kino smirked proudly.

"Well, then, we begin by thinking about the earth chakra, in the stomach! It's our survival and it's blocked by guilt, and…!"

"Woah, what exactly are you talking about…?" Anorak smiled awkwardly, and Sokka laughed as Kino froze on the spot.

"Oh. Guess I should start with what a chakra is…? Okay! A chakra is…!"

"DOOOOOOG! You in there?!"

Toph's voice drifted from below, breaking through the room's window. Sokka winced upon hearing it: he glanced outside it to find the earthbender standing with Aang, Katara, Jet and Zuko, right by the gardens outside the building.

"What if I said I'm not?" Sokka taunted her, leaning on the window. Toph scoffed.

"Get your ass down here! And bring those two too, if you want! We're not going to spend all day being boring and drinking tea when I'm leaving tomorrow!"

Sokka gritted his teeth – he had thought that making a fuss over Toph's impending departure would be a bad idea, for some reason. He had meant to ensure that they'd share a good dinner with her and the rest of their friends… giving her a big sendoff almost felt final, in a way, and he had assumed she wouldn't care for big, emotional goodbyes. But it seemed she had her own ideas in mind regarding whatever she wanted to do, even in this cold weather.

"You do realize it's snowing?" Sokka asked. Toph scoffed.

"How's that a problem for you?"

"It's not for me, I just have no idea if you've ever had to put up with snow before," Sokka smiled. "But if you really are sure… then fine. I'll join whatever crazy stuff you're up to, Toph."

"Good! And hurry up, too!" Toph declared, though she offered him a broad grin upon saying the words.

Sokka sighed, turning to the others with a helpless smile. Anorak grinned, rising to his feet, and Kino pouted.

"Well, at least we have a few days left before we leave too, so we can just work on it later, Anorak, sure we can…" Kino said, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he led the way out of the room.

After about five minutes, they joined the rest of the group out in the snowy terrains of Ba Sing Se's Palace. By then, most everyone who had been training had taken refuge from the snow, but it seemed the stubborn Blind Bandit refused to follow their example.

"Finally! Took you long enough!" Toph scolded them as they approached.

"What exactly are we supposed to be doing here?" Sokka asked, with an awkward smile, glancing at the others as well as Toph. "Seems like catching a cold right before your big trip isn't something you should tempt fate over, Toph…"

"Oh, bleh. I'll be fine," Toph said, shaking her head. "I just didn't want to have a simple whatever dinner before taking off for who knows how long before any of you get to see me again. It had to be something way more memorable than that."

"And what do you have in mind, then?" Sokka asked.

Toph raised an eyebrow, hands on her hips. Sokka didn't need much more than that to answer his own question.

"… You have no idea, do you?"

"I'm working on it!"

"She said something about liking that last bonfire before we took Ba Sing Se," Aang said, with a shrug. "But it seems like a bad idea to try that in this weather…"

"Bad idea? Pfft, a few snowflakes shouldn't be a problem… or would that be enough to beat your firebending, Avatar?" Toph asked, mockingly. Aang pouted.

"You know, I'm still impressed by the fact that someone can clash with Aang as much as you can," Katara smiled, patting Aang's shoulder reassuringly. Toph snickered, hands behind her head. "I'm not sure whether you're admirable for it… or if you're just messed up?"

"Maybe I'm both, Sugar Queen. Thought about that?" she teased her, before taking a deep breath. "But still, I don't think you should be that wimpy about some snow. How hard can it be to build a bonfire out here, huh? And hey, you're a firebender so, you know, it'd be a challenge to keep it going with your bending while it snows. Use it as training!"

"Well, that's not a terrible concept…" Aang admitted, a hand on his chin. Toph smirked.

"Heh, how about both you and Prince Crankypants here build separate bonfires? Then maybe… whoever keeps the fire running the longest wins!"

"Wins… what?" Zuko asked. Toph shrugged.

"My respect?"

The honestly in her response brought genuine bursts of laughter from most everyone in the group… save for both Zuko and Aang, the first of whom sighed in defeat while the latter's jaw simply dropped in disbelief. Toph, naturally, smirked proudly at their reactions.

"Somehow? I don't think you'd ever respect either of us, so you'd better come up with a more reasonable reward," Zuko said, bluntly. Toph scoffed.

"Well, I might respect you if you didn't do weird shit like joining the White Lotus…"

"Water under the bridge, that ship sailed ages ago…"

"You know what? I'll agree with you on that if you compete with Twinkle Toes and prove who's the most badass firebender!"

"This sounds so weird…" Aang grimaced… though a glance at Katara, beside him, made him flinch. "Katara? You… you're not interested in this, are you?"

She grinned wildly at him, and the Avatar's jaw dropped again as he inched away from her.

"I don't want to compete against Zuko! He's my sifu!" Aang whined. Zuko smirked, and Toph shook her head dismissively.

"Oh, all these losers… what's the point of being a firebender if you're not going to challenge each other to see who's boss?" Toph hissed, rolling her eyes. Jet, behind her, chuckled and dropped a hand on her shoulder.

"Guess they just like picking fights with non-firebenders more than they like to do it among themselves," Jet suggested. Toph scoffed.

"Then how would they ever find out who's the toughest? That's dumb, Jet. But to be fair, most firebenders are probably dumb…"

"Most?" Sokka repeated. Toph smirked.

"You are. She isn't," she said. Sokka smiled and nodded.

"Thank you. Necessary clarification there," he said. Jet raised an eyebrow.

"He's dumb…? Why does it matter if he is or isn't when he's a non-bender?" he asked.

"Well, you'd think so, but this weirdo could channel Azula's firebending through his chi paths somehow. Don't ask me how they went about it, but they caught me off guard with that nonsense in the Race," Toph explained. Jet's eyes widened as Sokka shrugged.

"That being said, I can't do it on my own, so I'm not about to join this weird firebending competition…"

"That's a good point, though!" Kino exclaimed, looking at Toph reproachfully. "We should be part of this challenge too, somewhat. I mean, we could just stand on the sidelines and cheer on Zuko and Aang, but… you wouldn't have a lot of fun that way, would you, Toph?"

Kino's spot-on assessment brought a frown to Toph's face. She tapped her chin, pouting slightly… before shrugging as she landed on an answer she liked.

"Then I guess we'll just pick the firebender we like best, partner with them and help them keep the fire going. I mean, if you lot are scared that we're going to freeze to death, the more fires the better, right?"

"Huh… that's a thought! Well, then, I'll be Zuko's partner!" Kino exclaimed, beaming. Zuko sighed, but he smiled at him regardless.

"I suppose I should've seen that coming. Good to know I'm still your favorite firebender these days…"

"Good? Did you say it's good?!" Kino gasped, grinning foolishly as Zuko chuckled under his breath. "I knew it! You were jealous that I'm becoming friends with the guards, but rest assured, Prince Zuko: you're my one true hero!"

"Well, not sure I should be a hero for you at all, but for the record, I'm perfectly content to share that position with other people," Zuko shrugged.

"Anyway, if that's how we're doing this… I'll be Aang's partner," Katara smiled proudly. Aang's cheeks flushed as he smiled at her, too.

"But then… we're only two firebenders," Zuko said. Toph smirked at Sokka.

"You can find us a few more, can't you?" she asked. Sokka bit his lip and shrugged.

"If they're available…" he said. "But then… we'll have too many firebenders that way. We'd have twelve, and the non-firebenders here… we're six, aren't we? I guess we could have two firebenders per team…?"

"Or we could get more people into the game? I could find Longshot and bring him in, then we'd be seven," Jet suggested.

"We're still five short, in that case," said Sokka, biting his lip.

"Maybe we could invite other people to join in. Like… King Kuei!" Aang suggested. The confused stares by most the group brought him to shrink in place. "What…? It's his Palace, isn't it? He should have fun in it, too…"

"I suppose that's one way to look at it?" Sokka said, with an awkward grin. "But then… heh. Bring Jin aboard too and we'd have nine. If she wins, she can rejoice in having one over those of us she hates, you know…"

"As for two more…" Zuko said, swallowing hard. "I could, uh… ask my mom, maybe? And Master Piandao? If they'd like to do this, of course…"

"Going for older people, are you?" Toph said, her voice dark. "Don't even think about asking…"

"I wouldn't ask my uncle or Jeong Jeong, damn it. They'd never want to do this anyhow," Zuko rolled his eyes. Toph scoffed.

"Even if they did, they can go find their own gang to play weird games with. I don't want them in mine," she stated, stubbornly. While it was likely that not everyone felt as strongly against them as she did, nobody would contest her decision.

"Even if they agree, we'll be one short anyway," Sokka pointed out.

"How about I go get one of my buddies from the music squad?" Kino asked, smiling brightly. "It's either that or… finding one of the gladiators!"

"I don't think that last thing would make a lot of sense, most gladiators probably wouldn't be keen on a firebending party?" Sokka said, raising an eyebrow. "Which, to be fair, makes me wonder if everyone here is fine with joining this one…?"

"If you're talking about me, I've got no problem with the firebenders in this army," Jet said, with a shrug. "If I just hated benders on the basis of having something in common with people who have wronged me, I wouldn't be able to spend time with Toph either because earthbenders ruined my life too…"

"Heh, well… I could wrong you big time too," Toph said, pouting. "I'll steal all your snacks when we're on our way south, you'll see…"

"Maybe I'll let you sneak them, then," Jet smirked. Toph scoffed.

"Could you quit flirting when I'm trying to pick a fight?" she said, poking his collarbone with a fingertip. Jet laughed openly. "For crying out loud…!"

"It's the one way to make sure you stop picking the fight, or that you'll change the focus of it, if nothing else…" Jet laughed, clasping Toph's finger to stop her from prodding him further.

"Oh, I don't know who I'm going to partner with, but whoever it is, I'll make sure to fuck you up big time, Jet! You'll see!"

"Anyway…" Sokka smiled, shaking his head. "Maybe someone from the music squad isn't a bad idea. But how about… Teo? If he's available, I bet he'd want to partner up with Fei Li…"

"Oh, that's a good call, too!" Kino grinned, nodding promptly.

"Great. Then… I guess we'll go find the people for your game to work out?" Sokka said. Toph smirked and nodded.

"Yeah, Jet can go get Longshot, Zuko can get his mom and the old dog…"

"The old dog? You call him that because he was my master?" Sokka asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Exactly!" Toph grinned, and Sokka sighed, shaking his head. "Aang, you're the one who thought about the king, so you go convince him, and… well, maybe get Jin too, if you're sure. Sokka, go find all the firebenders and your other friend! The rest of us will gather enough wood for the twelve piles and then…! Oh, that's when the fun begins, haha!"

That Toph would be so keen on doing something so silly just for amusement's sake brought a smile to Sokka's face. It almost felt like a smidge of normality… surely that was what Toph had hoped to experience, too. It would be the last night she'd spend in Ba Sing Se's Palace, the last time all of them would be together as a group for a long time… that was, assuming all of them would survive the upcoming battles safely.

"I could get Shiju too, if anyone chooses not to join," Anorak suggested, though he seemed unconvinced. "Knowing him, though, he'll think it's a waste of time…"

"We'll keep some ideas for backup, such as the musicians," Sokka smiled at him, clapping his shoulder with a hand. "You can help with the firewood, then? There should be enough inside the Palace."

"Oh, I can give you a hand with that, Anorak! And I can tell you all about chakras on our way there… Katara, you could help us out too!" Kino exclaimed, beaming at her. The waterbender sighed and smiled, shrugging in Anorak's direction.

"I have no idea why he's so keen on teaching you about chakras now, but if you'll have me…" she said to Anorak, who smiled and nodded.

"I'll be honored to learn from the two of you," he said, simply. Katara grinned, urging him to follow her.

Thus, Toph's strange competition to make firebenders prove themselves began: the group dissolved briefly only to converge later at that area behind the Palace. Little by little, everyone agreed to participate, some confused, others curious, others eager to enjoy and bask in the warmth and activity to pass the time on that frigid, snowy night.

Zuko, however, took his time to still himself before approaching the people he was meant to recruit for Toph's game. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes, trying to stop his mother's words and confessions from echoing in his mind…

But they had been distressing. They had been disturbing. The darkness of what had happened that night had confused him for years, but he never imagined that learning the truth might unsettle him as deeply as it had. The way his mother had retold the story with deep shame and remorse, the shadows that streaked her face as she spoke… it had been clear to Zuko then that one of many burdens she carried with herself were her involuntary returns to that moment, to the worst night of her life, the night in which she almost had lost everything… she had saved Zuko, at the cost of her own freedom.

He could hold resentment for so many people for the circumstances of that night… he still hadn't sorted out his feelings sufficiently to fully decide on who to despise most. He had spoken with his mother on occasion afterwards, and he did his best not to act any differently than usual around his friends… but just as it happened to Ursa, Zuko's mind would drift in that direction often, so violently he'd feel as though he had stumbled somehow upon returning to himself, even when he wasn't moving.

Still… she was his mother. She had done so much to make sure he could live on… to give him a chance to see the world and grow into the man he was now. As unsettling as her stories had been, he struggled to see her as a villain in the situation she had explained, regardless of her choices.

Much as the case had been with Iroh, Zuko found himself stuck in an awkward position, where he discovered that someone he had idealized, and in whom he had seen no faults, carried deep burdens and heavy flaws they could scarcely make amends for, if they even could. Thus… just as had been the case with Iroh, Zuko endeavored to stop his new knowledge from blinding him with fury, much as his old affection couldn't blind him with goodwill, either.

He approached the hallway in which his mother's current room stood, breathing deeply, hoping she wouldn't be too busy… hoping, too, that she wouldn't be tormenting herself by reliving the nightmares of the past.

Yet he found something else once he approached her room, instead: the door was open, for she stood at its threshold, speaking with the tall Master Piandao.

Zuko winced at the sight of them. Whatever they were talking about, he shouldn't interrupt it… but a rather childish part of himself urged him to do exactly that and find out what had brought his mother and Piandao to speak this way. He had been meant to recruit them both, yes… but he hadn't anticipated to find them having a private conversation of any nature. He didn't want to read more into it than what was in plain sight, and yet…

Ursa was the one who noticed him first. She had been listening to the sword master when her eyes drifted towards him, and she flinched. Zuko, awkward and uncertain, raised a hand in greeting, and Piandao turned to confirm that whatever had startled Ursa wasn't a worrisome matter.

"Oh. Prince Zuko," Piandao nodded in his direction, bowing his head curtly. Zuko swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted something important…" he said.

"It's just… a conversation. We can get back to it later," Ursa said, with a sad smile. "Is… is something the matter?"

Did she expect him to have come to demand for more explanations? Her apprehensive behavior suggested as much. She didn't realize he couldn't possibly hate her, did she? Zuko's heart almost broke upon finding that his mother probably assumed that even Zuko had his boundaries… that even he had a limit whenever someone he loved dared do something unforgivable. And perhaps he did… but going by the latest happenings, it seemed he was a lot more flexible with that boundary than he should have been.

"Well… Toph's leaving tomorrow," Zuko explained. "And in order to leave in good spirits or something, she's cajoled a lot of us into playing this strange firebending competition with her? I… I don't really know why she wants to do it, but since we don't have enough non-firebending people to partner with the firebenders we'll have, I figured I'd ask you both if you'd like to join us. I was going to find you too afterwards, master, but I guess you made it easier for me, since you're here…"

"Oh. So, this is about a game?" Piandao said, with a gentle grin. "I suppose in some ways, the whole lot of you are still quite young."

"It's probably better to enjoy leisure moments when we can get them. Especially when we don't know what tomorrow will bring," Zuko said, tightening his lips together before releasing a deep breath. "Anyway, I get it if you'd rather not be part of it, but you were the first people that came to my mind, so…"

"Do you… do you want us to be part of it?" Ursa asked, uncertain. "We… well, we're old."

"Tactfully put," Piandao said, smirking slightly at her. She raised an eyebrow, skeptically.

"As few gray hairs as you may have, not all of us can mask our age as successfully as you do, Master Piandao," she said, her voice charged with judgment that only seemed to amuse the sword master. She breathed deeply, though, and her demeanor changed towards Zuko. "You're sure, then?"

"If I weren't, I wouldn't be here," Zuko said, with a gentle smile. "Uh, if you'd like to know, neither Iroh nor Jeong Jeong will be joining in, so…"

"That would have been profoundly unlikely. Especially in the case of the latter," Piandao said, bitterly. Zuko winced. "I do hope he won't make a fuss because you didn't invite him, though."

"I don't think what Toph's up to suits his interests in the least," Zuko said, with an awkward smile. "Besides… I'm not his to command. I'm my own man, and I don't have to keep him at the forefront of my mind with everything I do…"

"I certainly hope he's aware of that," Piandao said, nodding. "Well, then… we shall join Zuko, I take it? Unless you'd rather…?"

"No, no. We can… we can go. And we can continue to speak on our way there, I suppose," Ursa said, offering Piandao an uncomfortable smile. "Though… I can't quite understand what you need us for, Zuko, but whatever it is, we shall be there."

"Thank you," Zuko said, smiling warmly at his mother. "I… I really hope it will be fun. Though… uh, I can tell Kino to partner up with someone else. He said he'd be my non-bending partner, but if you want, you could…"

"Oh. Oh, there's no need," Ursa said, with a gentle laugh. "I quite like that you have such a tight friendship. If there are other firebenders available, I'll just be a partner of whoever's free."

"Same for me," Piandao said, with a weak smile.

"Well, most of them are going to be Azula's guards… I'm sure you'll find plenty of willing partners among them," Zuko said, grinning. "Anyway, we'll do this game right behind the Palace's main building, that big area there? I'll go on ahead and help them set up, and… get a coat, probably. It's been snowing, so…"

"Alright. We'll fetch coats too and we'll go afterwards," Piandao said. Zuko smiled and nodded before walking backwards, down the hallway.

"See you in a bit, then," he said. His eyes met his mother's, and he offered her one more encouraging smile before walking away.

Piandao breathed out slowly, glancing down at the tense Ursa until Zuko faded from view. Her hands trembled lightly, so she squeezed the fabric of her outfit and heaved out a sigh.

"Despite your worries, he seems to be alright," Piandao said. "Rather… it seems he's trying to be alright."

"How could he ever be, knowing who his mother truly is?" Ursa whispered, a hand rising to her brow as she shook her head. "But even if he despises me now, it's… it's all the better. It's…"

"Ursa, you're the sole reason why he's alive. He wouldn't hate you…"

"I know, I… I don't believe he truly would, and yet I hate myself so much I can barely fathom that other people wouldn't feel that way," Ursa whispered, hugging herself now. She breathed deeply once, twice, before raising her head towards her companion. "But he wants to play a strange game with us, so… we'd best not be late."

"Right," Piandao said, frowning as Ursa returned inside the room.

She rummaged through her closet quickly – it only had a few garments, for she had lived a rather frugal life ever since she had gone into hiding. A deep breath spilled from her lips as she scoured through the available clothes, and she clasped the thickest of the available coats.

A flash of crimson. Metal. That yelp, the choked gasp, the way that hand gripped her until it lost its strength. Then that slow, dawning awareness as the blood spilled, it spilled slowly and all she could do was panic, breathe desperately, willing time to turn back, willing herself to think her way out of it, for it couldn't be, she couldn't have, she couldn't…

A hand clasped her shoulder. Ursa gasped.

Without quite meaning to, she wound up turning in his arms, burying her face in his chest. Piandao breathed deeply, patting her back kindly, reassuringly.

"You weren't ready," he said. "You weren't ready to tell Zuko."

"I couldn't… I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I couldn't…"

"You should have. We should have talked about it some more. After all these years, you have never forgiven yourself for…"

"Many more years will pass, and I never will. That… that would make no matter. It would make no difference. It would make me no less of a monster."

"As much of a monster as you believe yourself to be… I guarantee that you killed one far greater than yourself."

Ursa winced. She didn't want to hear that, didn't want to accept that, but Piandao had never failed to strike her with the most unwanted truths, at the most inconvenient moments. He was merciless in his own way: he never failed to see through her darkness, to show it to herself by offering the most unwelcome mirror… she hated him for it whenever it happened. She always had… and yet his cruel words would dwell on her mind for days, until she finally ended her confusion by acknowledging, if in some small way, that he had a point. That maybe he was right about what he'd said…

"Think of better thoughts. Of kinder thoughts," he said, rubbing her back again. "Of the days you wish you could return to… of the past you cannot resent. Return to that… not to that night. To the better days… to the brighter memories…"

He hated saying those words. Ursa knew he did, and yet… it was the main way to stop her from spiraling. From losing herself in the darkness that encroached around her.

It was why she had started running to the swamp. Why she was calmer when she was lost in the distant past, rather than accepting her reality, especially as she wasn't ready to deal with it. That she had forced herself to move forward, to wrap her mind around the fact that Zuko had been real that night, that the scarred man was the boy whose mirages she had chased relentlessly… that her memories, her past, had truly fallen behind for a time, was a true miracle. Her ability to remain level-headed, to focus on what mattered, had nearly deceived her into believing these lapses wouldn't happen often to her anymore. That with so much to worry about, she might no longer suffer these episodes of anguish and sorrow…

Evidently, that hadn't been the case. It had been a long time since she had dropped into that deep pit of darkness… but telling Zuko everything had darker and deeper consequences than she had been ready to face.

"Go on, Ursa," Piandao said, hugging her tightly, protectively, even if the darker enemy she had to face was deep inside her mind. "Go on. I'll be here once you're ready, and then we'll go and join their game. But for now… remember. Remember."

She shuddered in his arms. The darkness continued to slam into her mind as a battering ram might… she couldn't hide it. Couldn't push the memory away, she couldn't quite do that…

But she could twist it. She could turn it into something else. She had learned to do that much, at least.

"Remember…. Remember."

She closed her eyes, and darkness enveloped her completely.