Chapter 1

Danny's view

Danny has been having doubts for some time now...things at work haven't been going as they used to since Jackie left. In just 3 weeks he had had 4 partners...none of them were as good as Jackie and could keep up with him. Sarge was already giving him hell for it.

And his family...Dad was more than unhappy with him...which was nothing new. Jamie feels patronized and disrespected by him...but it's always been the other way around. Danny was always the one who had to take a back seat for his siblings, especially Jamie, and got into trouble when something went wrong.

Erin was once again pissed off at him because of a difference of opinion in a case... which was nothing new either... to his sister he was always just the hothead who complicated everything with his temper. Only Pops didn't talk badly to him...which was probably because Pops thought the same way he did and they always had similar views of the world. Even as a child, Pops was the one with whom Danny could talk about anything and know that he was understood and heard. The only bright spots at the moment, as they had been for almost 14 years, were his wonderful wife and sons... without the three of them, Danny would have broken up with his family long ago because of his temper... but every time he was nearly blowing up inside because of his father and siblings, he had to think about his wife and children...who loved and needed his family.

The last time he almost exploded in anger was when his dad had his cases investigated and his sister tricked him into talking to her and his dad. Erin knew exactly how to manipulate him emotionally...the family videos were just a cruel reminder of times when both their mom and brother were still alive. The videos only showed him what he had lost...because he wasn't strong enough...and his sister knew that very well.

When he got home that evening, Danny had to let off steam and hit the punching bag like a madman in the basement...until Linda came down to him, sleepy. When he had told her everything, he had to hold his wife back so that she didn't drive home to his father and slap him in the face...it felt good to know that at least someone was always on his side. Since then, however, things have been pretty tense with his family, him and Linda...the last Sunday dinners were pure torture. He had to listen to stupid comments and leave the room early more than once...before he went for Jamie or Erin's throat. Every time he ate, his dad would give him skeptical, critical or reproachful looks out of the corner of his eye...as if he was too stupid to notice them.

And even Linda, his kind-hearted wife and the calmest person ever, snapped at his family several times and became loud to defend him. At dinner his boys and Nicki could only look confused and shocked as they didn't understand and were too young to know what was going on. Every time, Pops tried to mediate as best he could…with limited success. They wouldn't be able to stand this much longer. He had to find a way so that his wife and children could live in peace and happiness again... But first there was another meal with his father... for which he was already too late because a new and cruel case... one regarding a child...had stopped him.

Tired and exhausted, Danny walked up the steps to his father's house and put his jacket in the kitchen before entering the dining room. "Hey, sorry, I'm late," he explained to the group, ruffled his children's hair and kissed his wife on the cheek before sitting down next to her. As soon as he sat down, his sister snapped: "It's nice that you're finally showing up. Would it kill you to be on time for once?"

Danny could literally feel his inner fuse starting to burn. "No, it might not kill me…but it might kill the next victim, who might be killed right now. But you don't understand that, do you, prosecutor?" Erin shook her head contemptuously. "You're not the only cop out there Danny! Jamie is one too and Dad is the commissioner and both manage to be on time." "Erin, I'm a detective and not a street cop who clocks out after his shift and can leave everything behind. Criminals don't wait for my next shift so I can lock them up! You should actually know that."

"And there it is again! Danny is so much more important and better than all of us. I'm a cop too, Danny, and I'm good...so don't act like you're better than everyone else," Jamie chimed in, acting as if I had personally attacked and insulted him. "Damn it, I didn't say that! Stop interfering, little one.", I snapped annoyed and wanted to get up, but Linda put a reassuring hand on my thigh... which made me stay seated.

"Erin, Danny can't change when a crime happens and Jamie...Danny never said you were a bad cop. So stop snapping at him and let him eat something in peace," Linda explained firmly and gave my siblings evil looks...which made them finally shut up and i was finally able to eat something.

During the whole "discussion", however, I could feel my father's admonishing glances at me… and I knew that he also had something to say. "Crime or not Danny, our Sunday dinners are a tradition and must be observed by each of you… including you. It's a matter of respect to be on time."

Dad's words were the final straw...with rage I slammed my fork into the old table, making everyone jump in shock...even Dad and Pops...and look at me with wide eyes . I looked my father straight in the eyes, cold and full of anger. "I'm so tired of it. For years I have been the scapegoat, the black sheep of the family...the one who only causes trouble in your eyes and who is only needed when someone needs to be protected or defended. I may not be the smartest in this family...but I'm tired of being the one who has to stick his neck out and only gets ingratitude, ridicule and scorn in return."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Erin starting to puff up but before she could say anything, I slapped the table with my palm, which made everyone jump again. "No, I'm talking now! Erin and Jamie I swore when you were born that I would always protect you...and I did...every damn day! Whether in front of school bullies, teachers, ex-partners, gangsters or mom and dad... and I never asked for anything in return! No thanks, no reward…nothing. And Dad...you're talking about respect? Oh, who are you kidding! I've been working my ass off since I was a kid to make you, Mom and Pops proud...so that nothing tarnishes the oh-so-important Reagan name. I gave everything I could, I became the youngest detective ever, I have the most solved cases and arrests...I put my life on the line every damn day and I missed dozens of my kids' birthdays and school plays. And yet it's not enough...on the contrary, every time I do something wrong or different from you...you put me down and look at me like I'm the biggest disappointment of your life."

After my words, the room was completely silent... I looked into the scared and sad looks of Nicki and my boys, into the horrified and hurt face of Pops and the still not taken seriously of my siblings and father. They would never understand and never respect what I gave for this family every day.

Shaking my head, I took Linda by the hand, stood up and motioned for my children to do the same...which they did. Shortly before we left the room, however, I turned around again and declared resolutely: "It's probably best for everyone if my family and I don't come to eat in the near future...we don't want to disturb you any further with YOUR tradition."

With that we left the room, the house and, for now, the family... the only thing that remained of our presence were the half-empty plates and the fork, which was still stuck deep in the table.

End of Chapter 1

Hope you liked it :)