chapter 3: equilibrium


if i was your girlfriend, could you pull me through?


The fears that typically accompanied Leah's slumber returned full-force in that bridge between Sunday and Monday. Behind her eyelids, shadows danced from corner to corner of her bedroom ceiling. By the time she willed herself to open her eyes, not even the warm glow from her nightlight could calm her down.

She shot up in her bed, scooting back towards her headboard. Stupid. And I really thought I made some progress too.

Pissed off and slightly haunted, Leah attempted to banish her negative emotions as she ran through the motions of her day. At least she had a head start.

She went on her morning run to First Beach, the only terrain that could provide her with immediate tranquility. The salty air pulled her in, and her gaze remained on the icy waves that hugged the dark horizon. Prickly goosebumps formed on her arms as she breathed it all in, and, for the first time since her exhilarating weekend, she could finally blame them on the cold.

Being out here again felt almost… sobering. Part of her—a major, undeniable part of her—missed the frenzied high she'd gotten over the weekend in Sam's presence, but now she felt normal again. More balanced.

Despite not being daytime yet, she didn't catch too many shadows in her peripherals as she ran back home. Gratitude overtook her—her nyctophobia hadn't translated to agoraphobia, or else she'd really be stuck. As she traded gratitude for fearlessness, she ran back home faster than she could remember in recent times, with her sneakers pounding on the road and her hot breath swirling around in the frigid air. This morning certainly felt colder than Friday morning. Winter would be hurtling towards La Push in just a few weeks now. Having lived on the coast her whole life, it always came early around here.

Upon returning home, she quickly showered and got ready for school. Like a hurricane, she whirred throughout her house, around her parents, around her brother. By the time she sat down on the bus next to Seth, with her gym bag and Sam's denim jacket in her lap, she finally caught her breath. She still felt jittery, though, especially for a Monday where she usually felt sluggish, yearning for the weekend all over again.

"Why are you carrying that jacket around instead of wearing it?" he probed, briefly glancing up from his copy of The Giver. He'd practically burned through the novel over the weekend and had Bridge to Terabithia on deck.

"Don't worry about it," she replied curtly, her eyes looking past the bus windshield for a particular person.

The short time that all the students had before first period flew by even faster. As Leah ate breakfast with some classmates in the cafeteria, she had her eyes out for Sam, but he didn't show. She tried to cover up the tinge of disappointment by being extra talkative with her classmates, but her eyes scanned the cafeteria every now and then, seeking him out.

Just as Leah finished hanging up her gym bag and Sam's jacket in her locker, Kim found her.

"There you are!" the shorter girl greeted her in a bright tone. "What are you still doing here?"

Leah's face twisted in confusion. "Getting ready for class? More importantly, what are you doing at school so early? Wait, no, am I late?"

"Lee. Coach D just put the roster up!"

"What, really?"

Kim grabbed Leah by the arm and started pulling her towards the girls locker room. "Yes, really!"

A crowd of girls surrounded the sheets of paper taped on the door of the locker room, but Leah and Kim snaked through them to read the lists. Only two sheets of paper sat taped on the door, the text rather small. Leah first dragged her index finger down the sheet of paper that listed the varsity team, quickly surpassing the list of names.

Not me, not me… How did SHE make it? Not me. Still not me…

She found the next list now, the one for junior varsity, and repeated the process. Not me, not me, not me, not me…

Then her finger stopped on what she sought.

Leah Clearwater.

Kim gasped before Leah could. "You made it!" she exclaimed. "You made JV! I bet you're gonna be a starter too."

Leah maintained a beaming smile as they moved away from the lists. Various people patted her on the back, and different voices congratulated her. Moving out of the crowd, she said her thank yous and congratulated her new teammates in return. When she and Kim returned to their lockers, Leah's grin didn't subside.

"I was wondering how you'd take it if you didn't make the roster," Kim mused, finally retrieving her notebook.

Leah shrugged. "I guess we'll never find out."

Despite her newfound smugness, a silly, ironic feeling washed over Leah. She'd been so doubtful about her own skills over the weekend for nothing. But the truth remained as clear as day—Coach D saw something special in her. She saw her talent. Even better, Leah's alleged attitude hadn't ruined her big break.

The universe must have had her back.

The rest of the morning rushed by, full of sly note-passing and plenty of hushed gossip between Leah and her teammates. Her school took basketball seriously, so other students chimed in with their own ideas. Some people thought that Coach D had taken a huge risk by letting certain players on the team, wrecking their chances of going to the playoffs in the springtime; others thought they would have excelled on the C-team if it hadn't been cut entirely. Leah couldn't help but indulge in all the speculations.

However, a realization by the end of fourth period put the slightest damper on her excitement. Just one little, glaringly important piece of her elaborate plan remained unresolved: She had to tell Sam she couldn't study with him after school today.

So much for balance.

Once the bell rang, Leah exited her Geography class to put her textbooks away in time for lunch. With the entire school rushing around her, she stared into her open locker, searching for the right words. So far, she had nothing better than, I like you and you like me and we both know this, but I'm about to be busy almost every day after school until spring. Sorry. Don't forget about me, though!

Suddenly, her new favorite voice greeted her. "See, I knew you'd make the cut."

She turned to where the voice emanated and saw none other than Sam making his way over to her before casually leaning against Kim's locker. Leah's heart fluttered. Will I ever get used to this?

"Congrats on that," he added.

Leah blinked, and her mouth curved into a wry smile. "I appreciate it, Sam. Oh, wait, before I forget…" She reached into her locker and removed his denim jacket from the hook. "Thanks for letting me borrow this Friday night."

"For sure," he replied as she handed him the jacket. "You getting hypothermia wouldn't have been cool."

"Yeah, 'cause it would've been cold," she cracked, to which Sam responded with a dry, polite chuckle. She grimaced before she shut her locker and promptly changed the subject. "Do you, um, wanna go get lunch with me?"

He gave her a smile warm enough to melt away the awkwardness of her flop of a joke. "I was gonna ask you first. Let's go."

"By the way," she said as they walked to the cafeteria, "I don't think I can study with you tonight. Or most school nights."

"That's okay. I kind of expected that, with you making the team and all."

"Yeah. I'm sorry the timing got messed up just when we were starting to hang out more." You must think I'm a flake, she thought. Or a tease.

"It's okay, Lee. I don't mind waiting for the weekends to see you."

She gave him a coy look. "Then I'll try to make 'em worth the wait."

After quickly progressing through the pizza line, Leah and Sam found their friends. The two of them had been sharing the same lunch table with their peers all school year so far, but they could have easily lived in different time zones, separated by their mutual friends.

But, today, Leah and Sam finally occupied the same time zone. And their mutual friends noticed. Leah tried to play it cool, and she could tell Sam tried too.

Despite catching giddy looks from Rebecca, Leah accomplished her mission of finally getting together a group for a late night showing of The Ring this upcoming Friday night. It took the rest of the lunch period to figure out the logistics, but the bare bones had all been laid out: Leah, Sam, Jared, Kim, Rebecca, and Andy would meet at Rebecca's house on Friday night and head to Deer Park from there. Rebecca and Andy would take her Chevy pickup, and everyone else would go with Sam in the Jeep. (Leah refrained from giving him crap about his driving skills.)

On Monday and Tuesday, she'd kept it casual, but, by lunchtime on Friday, her excitement had grown obvious.

Only the inevitable changes could dampen her mood. A lot of things in her schedule had been moving around or getting removed altogether lately. Basketball practice everyday after school filled so much of Leah's time, especially her time with her friends. It'd all happened at rapid speed. Leah had briefly called the twins the other night in order to finally spill the details of her first date with Sam as she'd promised. A week ago, they would've been able to meet in person to chat, but that option existed as a rare luxury these days.

Leah hadn't even seen Emily since last Sunday, after the date with Curtis and its terrible aftermath. She'd caught up with Emily on the phone the following Wednesday night, and, as they'd expected, her school life hadn't been faring well since Curtis had told everyone about what had occurred (or didn't occur) on their date. Leah had never wanted to hug her best friend so badly.

These days, Leah had to work harder to balance everything. Being around Sam somehow made it easier, though, so the balance proved itself worthy. He naturally fell into her orbit at school, so she didn't feel thrown off by his presence. It helped that the crush had become mutual. By Friday, the planets had essentially been aligned—so aligned that they didn't even ask each other if they wanted to sit at lunch together anymore. They already knew.

"So I've got good news," Sam announced to the group towards the end of lunch period on Friday, "and I've got bad news."

Leah's brows knit together in confusion. Maybe the planets didn't align, after all.

Jared, who sat next to Kim today, took his headphones off and let them sit around his neck. The new development must have been worth his attention this time. "So what's the good news?"

"I can still come tonight, and we can still take my mom's Jeep," Sam began.

"And the bad news?" Leah prompted him with apprehensive eyes.

Sam's expression dropped. "My mom's gonna be driving, so she's coming with us to Port Angeles."

Andy let out a loud, hearty laugh, showing off his icy orthodontia.

"Dang, I feel sorry for you guys," Rebecca told Sam with sympathy.

"Yeah, bro, that sucks," Andy echoed, his tone much more teasing. "Enjoy riding to the movies with your mommy, scrub."

"Andy, aren't you the one turning seventeen next week and still riding shotgun with Beck all the time?" Leah challenged him. "If anyone here's a scrub, it's you."

Rebecca, Jared, Kim, Sam, and Leah broke out in laughter while Andy's grin faded into a grimace.

Sam balled up an unused napkin and chucked it straight at his head. "See, Leah gets it."

"Yeah, yeah," Andy grumbled right as the bell rang.

As the others all got up and dispersed, Sam nodded his head at Leah and mouthed Thanks.

She smiled. No problem.


Leah's excitement had morphed into anxiety by the time she came home from basketball practice that evening. She had a knot in her stomach that wouldn't let up. It had stayed with her since practice got out and throughout her dark, twelve-minute walk home from the Tribal School. The knot hadn't come from nowhere, but she'd had all week to practice relaxing when it came to Sam.

The truth glared at her: In just under two and a half hours, Sam—well, his mom, but still Sam—would be picking her up.

Part of her felt like she'd never be ready.

On top of this, she still hadn't told her parents she'd be going out tonight. Knowing how Sue went about things, Leah had to come up with something good, and quickly.

"Hey, sweetie," Sue greeted Leah. She sat in her preferred spot on the couch with the local news playing on the television. Seth sat next to her, intently reading the novel in his hands. "How was practice?"

Leah let her gym bag fall to the carpet and made her way to the living room, where she stood against the wall across from Sue and Seth. "It was good."

Sue turned down the TV. "Any attitude to report?"

"Not today, Ma," Leah said curtly, trying her absolute hardest not to roll her eyes at such a wild accusation. With the TV volume down, Leah finally heard the faint sobbing and sniffling noises that Seth made. "What's up with him?"

"Sethie's just about to finish Bridge to Terabithia," Sue told Leah. She cupped her mouth and her voice dropped to a loud whisper. "Leslie just died."

Seth nodded solemnly, still sniffling.

"Um… okay," Leah said. "So where's Dad?"

"He won't be home for a while," Sue answered. "I had him stop by Forks after work to drop off some fish for Charlie and pick up Spider-Man from Blockbuster. I figured we'd have a family movie night—it's been a minute since the last one."

Here goes. "Oh, okay. I might have to catch Spider-Man tomorrow or something. I was actually wondering if I could go out to the movies tonight with, uh… Rebecca, Kim, Jared, Andy, and Sam." Her speech grew quieter and faster with each name she added.

Sue's face twisted in confusion. "Rebecca, Kim, who, who, and who?"

"Jared, Andy, and Sam," Leah repeated. "You know Jared, right? He's in eighth grade, and he's Kim's date. And then Andy is Rebecca's date, really. You've met him. He's Sam's friend."

"Sam Uley?"

Leah's words came out in a rush. "Yeah. He's my friend, and he's in tenth grade." Saying his name aloud to an adult felt strange on her lips, like she'd accidentally revealed a huge secret.

"And who, exactly, is driving to Port Angeles?" Sue questioned. "Not all of you kids are gonna fit into the twins' truck."

"Beck and Andy are driving together in the truck," Leah said with a nod, "but Sam's mom is gonna drive the rest of us."

Sue loosened up a little bit. "Oh," she said with raised eyebrows. "Allison's nice. Keeps to herself a lot, but she's nice. Sam's a nice boy too—I didn't know you two were friends."

Leah nodded quickly. "He is, and we are. So can I go?"

Sue put up a hand. "Wait. What movie are you kids trying to see?"

"The Ring."

A worry line formed in Sue's forehead, one that only appeared in situations of real concern. "That's the scary one, right? Are you gonna be okay watching that?"

"I'll be fine, Ma," Leah assured her. "I promise. It's only PG-13, anyway."

"What time's the movie showing at?"

"Ten," Leah answered. "We're all meeting at Uncle Billy's place at about eight-thirty."

"Oooh!" Seth exclaimed. "Leah's going a date!"

Leah ignored him, but her face grew hot just at the word date. "There's gonna be six of us and Sam's mom," she reminded Sue. "It's not really a date."

"You said Rebecca and Kim have dates," Sue pointed out. "So what's the deal with Sam?"

"He's just a friend," Leah reasserted in a fleeting attempt to brush her off. Just a super sweet friend with the prettiest eyes I've ever seen and whose hand I really wanna hold. "So can I go?"

Sue pondered this for a moment before making her decision. Leah waited in silence, hoping to hear exactly what she wanted to hear.

"You can go," Sue decided, to which Leah grinned in response. "But if I give Allison a call and find out she didn't drive you guys to Port Angeles, you're gonna be in big trouble."

"No worries about that!" Leah exclaimed. She pulled in Sue for a big hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Sue laughed. "You're welcome, baby. You might wanna hop in the shower before your not-date, though—you're sweaty."

"Yeah, you're right," Leah agreed as she pulled away, having forgotten she'd gone to practice at all. "Oh, and one last thing."

"You need cash." It didn't sound like a question.

"You know me so well."


With mostly dry hair and a twenty dollar bill in her back pocket, Leah headed out for the Blacks' house. The dark red bungalow sat just down the hill from the Clearwaters', but she might as well have entered World War III. She could hear the bickering before Rachel even answered the door.

"You came just in time," Rachel greeted her with an edge of sarcasm.

As Leah carefully stepped into the entryway, she saw Rebecca—clad in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt—standing up from the ironing board in the kitchen and flipping her hair back. She slammed the iron down onto the board, steam forming in the air with a low hiss. "Dad, you are being so unfair!"

"Is she straightening her hair with a…?" Leah quietly asked.

"Jake dropped our flat iron in the toilet," Rachel explained.

"Oh."

Billy sat in the kitchen area near the table. "I just don't trust you driving around with Andy." He briefly looked at their guest with a nod. "Hi, Leah."

Leah waved. "Hey, Uncle Billy."

"But, Dad," Rebecca whined. "You already know Andy. You like Andy!"

"Yeah, when you two are doing homework in the house and being supervised," Billy retorted.

Rebecca wouldn't let up. "He's not gonna do anything weird."

"The hell he's not! I know just how teenage boys are, mind you. If you wanna go with Andy to Port Angeles, Rachel has to come with you."

"Does she have to?" Rebecca asked before turning to her twin. "No offense."

Rachel maintained a straight face. "None taken."

"Of course," Billy added, "you can always bring Jacob if—"

"Nope!" Jacob called out from down the hall.

Billy shrugged. "Final offer," he told Rebecca.

Rachel elbowed her sister. "I've gotcha, Beck."

"Thanks, Rach," Billy said, noting Rebecca's less-than-pleased expression. "So, do we have a deal?"

"Sure, sure," Rebecca said with a nod, humbly accepting the compromise.

"Good. Make sure you have enough gas before you hit the highway." Billy rolled himself back to the living room and turned up the TV.

Rachel excused herself to throw on an old flannel over her t-shirt and jeans. Once she returned, she and Leah made small talk in the kitchen. Throughout their conversation, Rebecca rushed around the house in a tornado of mascara tubes and butterfly hair clips.

"I didn't know your dad felt that way about Andy," Leah said, leaning against the counter.

"It's less about Andy and more about the fact that he's a teenage boy," Rachel replied with a shrug as she stuck her own hand-carven, wooden, dangly earrings in her earlobes. "But it's cool. Andy and Beck will be able to neck each other in the theater in peace 'cause I'm gonna catch the Frida Kahlo movie."

Leah snorted. "Suit yourself. Emily said The Ring is good."

"You know, I was wondering why Em's not coming tonight," Rachel said. "She never told me how her date went."

"It was, uh… interesting. You should call her when you get the chance," Leah said hesitantly, remembering Emily's disastrous date last weekend. The terrible details still made Leah feel bad. Emily had gone to the movies with a boy, things had been fine until they stopped being fine, and now, they didn't talk at all but their entire school considered her a tease.

The nerves settled in now.

What if Sam tried that with her? She just might die.

Leah lowered her voice. "I do have a question, though, Rach."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"You just said that Beck and Andy are gonna neck on each other at the movies… Does that usually happen?"

Rachel chuckled. "I don't know if they will, Lee. I was just playing."

"No, I mean, do people actually do that?" Leah clarified. "Not just them."

"Sometimes."

"But what if he tries to make a move, you know?"

"Do you want him to make a move?"

"I don't know." Leah blinked. "Maybe?"

"Just do whatever feels right for you. I mean, it's not rocket science," Rachel advised her. "You don't owe him anything. But if you do want moves to be made, then maybe don't make it clear in front of his mom."

"C'mon, now. You know I'm not dumb."

"Then you've got this."

Leah got hit with a sharp pang—she'd miss moments like this with Rachel.

"Nice outfit, by the way," the twin added. "Very casual, but cute."

"Oh god, I hope it's not too casual." Leah's ensemble of a faded blue Tribal School crewneck, ripped jeans, and old sneakers didn't give the indication that she had tried super hard, but only because she'd spent so long styling her hair for it to still come out damp in some places. Her sleek, high ponytail sat near the top of her head, and she'd left out a couple pieces in the front, framing her face—a page from Sam's book. She'd also attempted to dress her look up a little by adding small hoop earrings, but they didn't give the effect that she'd hoped for.

Whatever, she thought. We're sitting in a dark theater next to his mom anyway.

Rebecca finished getting dressed moments later. She entered the living room again, this time in jeans and a baby-blue, cropped tank top that exposed her stomach. "Andy should be here soon," she called to Rachel, Leah, and her father. "Bye, Dad!"

"Bye, girls—hold on, Rebecca, what are you wearing?"

Almost out the front door with Rachel and Leah, Rebecca turned around. "A shirt," she told Billy, her voice teetering on the edge of sincerity and frustrated annoyance.

"According to who?" he huffed.

"Guess," she told him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Sears?"

"No. Guess, the clothing line."

"I give up."

"Guess is the—never mind." Rebecca rolled her eyes. "I'll grab a jacket."

"Good idea. Have fun and wear your seatbelts!"

With several minutes left before Andy's arrival, the girls stepped outside to wait for him on the front porch. Leah considered the autumn breeze relentless, but Rebecca had insisted on getting some fresh air—and away from Billy.

"God, he spends too much time with Charlie," she vented to Rachel and Leah as she shut the front door behind them, a cotton hoodie slung over her arm. "He's policing my every move. I can't wait to move away from here."

Thanks for the reminder that I'll miss you too, Leah thought.

"Oh, it's alright, sissy," the other twin assured her. "I'll just pretend like I don't even know you and Andy when we get there."

Rebecca sighed in relief. "That's literally all I want. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Leah watched a figure jog up towards the house, slightly illuminated by the blinking streetlight. "Is that Andy?"

Rebecca removed the key to the truck from her pocket. "Sure is."

The boy approached them with his usual mischievous smile, his braces glinting in the porch light. "You guys ready?"

"Almost," Rebecca said. "Is Sam close by? We gotta go if we wanna make the previews."

Andy leaned against the fence aligning the porch, adjacent to the ramp that Jacob had built for Billy. "He should be. He had to go pick up Paul, though. Jared can't come anymore."

"What happened now?" Leah asked him.

"Jared got grounded for flunking his Algebra test and Paul invited himself."

Leah's puzzled expression said it all.

"The guy likes horror movies," Andy explained. "He was actually offended when he found out we didn't invite him."

Leah knew Kim would be crushed at Jared being replaced by Paul. She awaited the impending doom.

"I think that's Sam," Rachel said, looking out at the street as a Jeep pulled up to the gravel driveway, behind the twins' rusty old truck. From inside the car, Allison Uley waved to them.

Andy snorted. "Yeah, Sam and his mom."

Leah rolled her eyes. "You have fun taking three hours just to get to the theater in that old dinosaur."

Rebecca made a face at Leah. "What'd the truck ever do to you?"

"Let's get a move on," Rachel encouraged her sister as she made her way to the truck. "I've got radio privileges, though."

Andy's eyebrows gathered, confused. "You're coming too, Rach?"

"Yup," Rachel replied just as she opened the passenger door. "And we're not about to listen to the Nelly CD the whole way there. Let's go."

"Then you better have brought your headphones, 'cause you're trippin'," Rebecca scoffed. She nodded her head towards Leah before getting into the passenger side. "Have fun with Sam," she crooned.

Leah rolled her eyes again and walked to the Jeep, where she spotted an empty seat behind Allison and across from Sam in the passenger seat. Paul Lahote casually lounged in the back too, with his arm laid out over the seat. He'd always been a showy charmer. Kim would get a kick out of this if she ever recovered from Jared not showing up tonight.

Leah briefly introduced herself to Allison, a meek, mild-mannered woman with prominent worry lines and little regard for small talk, which she expressed thankfulness for. Sam courteously greeted her too, and one look alone from those warm brown eyes reminded Leah that she'd made the right decision going out tonight. She could still see in his eyes that he thought this car ride would be awkward and so unlike their first date, but she knew the awkwardness wouldn't last forever.

When they all got to Kim's house, they ended up waiting four minutes for her to finally emerge. Chronically late, as always, Kim's face dropped at the sight of Paul in place of Jared. Paul's nature, playful with a grin to match, didn't subside now.

"Hey, Kimmie," he greeted her once Leah opened the door to let her friend in.

Kim spoke in a curt manner. "Hey, Paul. I didn't think you'd show up."

"I heard your date bailed."

"You could say that."

"Jared flunked the Algebra test," Leah explained with a grimace once she and Kim traded places in the backseat of the Jeep, so the smaller girl could be in the middle.

"I kept trying to tell him I'm a good tutor," Sam piped up. "He didn't wanna listen."

From then on, Kim tried—and failed—to not show her disappointment. "It's not like his mom ever cared before," she muttered as she buckled her seatbelt in after sliding next to Paul.

Leah and Kim knew her to be as soft as sand, and her half-hearted attempt of not paying Paul any mind ended up being fruitless. They had a history, after all, and not even Kim's hurt feelings over Jared could negate that. Paul's charisma certainly helped, too.

The car ride consisted of light rock and lighter conversations. Leah's eyes would fall towards the dark, cloudy sky and all the shadows and the anxieties that accompanied them, but the looks she shared with Sam every now and then would bring her right back.

By the time they all made it to Deer Park Cinema in Port Angeles, the 10pm showing of The Ring veered dangerously close to selling out entirely. Rain slicked the small concrete and all the cars occupying it. Allison dropped the teens off on the sidewalk in front of the box office before driving off to find parking. The twins and Andy weren't far behind her, as Rebecca dropped off Andy and Rachel so she could find parking herself only minutes later.

Sam and Leah stepped onto the sidewalk and joined their friends at the front of the busy box office—Rachel and Andy stood at the head of the group while Paul and Kim lingered behind them.

"Nice outfit," Leah told Sam as they inched forward in line. He'd also gotten the casual memo, as he wore a dark-green Tribal School sweatshirt along with jeans and sneakers.

"You beat me to it," he said with an earnest smile on his lips. "You look really pretty."

Her heart stammered in her chest. "Thanks. You too. Er—you know what I mean."

Everyone in the Olympic Peninsula and their mama went to see the 10:00 showing of The Ring tonight. The horror flick grew so popular that a 10:30 showing had been added at the last minute, effectively booting the final showing of Frida for the night. Leah's group managed to get some of the last remaining tickets to the 10:00 show, but their only seating options ended up being scattered throughout the two front rows. Rebecca, Andy, Kim, and Paul sat in the second row, paired off and separated by other moviegoers. Leah sat between Sam and Rachel at the edge of the front row, and Allison sat near Andy, directly behind Leah.

"I just can't believe this is the crap that everyone wants to see," Rachel commented as she settled into her seat next to Leah. The previews had already begun.

"Relax, Rach," Leah whispered.

Nestled between Sam and Rachel, Leah stared up at the vast screen in front of them throughout the previews, waiting for the lights to dim down all the way.

Horror movies didn't freak Leah out too much—they made her laugh, really—but the fluttery feeling in her chest that had stayed with her for so long now made itself present tonight. In the dark quietness of the theater (and of the movie itself), she couldn't relinquish the possibility of what could happen with her and Sam tonight. Obviously, not much could transpire in the presence of his mother, but still.

What if he kissed her? What if he possessed the boldness to kiss her with his mom right sitting behind them? Okay, no, he wouldn't do that. But what if he kissed her after the movie, or what if he somehow turned out to be a jerkass and she met a similar fate to Emily, being known as the class tease? Then what?

The terrified part of her—the part of her that felt like she'd never be ready—began to take over.

As the movie went on, she tried to enjoy it, but she remained on edge. She'd let Sam use the arm rest despite his quiet insistence that she could use it, and, despite her nerves, it made her feel less self-conscious. Sam's large hand cycled between grasping the arm rest, sitting with his palm facing upwards, or dropping down on his knee to wipe off sweat.

She found it funny—for as much as he claimed to enjoy watching horror movies with other people, he didn't handle them so well. Maybe something else made him anxious.

His hand had been sitting open on the arm rest when a swift and unexpected jump scare occurred on screen. Leah and Sam both flinched, and, as a reflex, her own hand suddenly became entangled with his. Both of their palms could have been less clammy, for sure, but, as they held onto each other in that dark theater, it didn't matter to her.

Their hands remained interlocked for the remainder of the film, with its sickly green tint and eerie shadows that still gave Leah a nervous feeling in her stomach despite her professed love of horror movies. This feeling occurred only alongside the ever present butterflies, but their hands remained together anyway.

The butterflies eventually subsided, and she felt safe.


Whatever ease Leah had found in October ended up dissipating in November. She now struggled to find her equilibrium—badly.

This autumn, she took part in her first ever full-time basketball season, complete with practice or a game everyday after school. She had a strong season going so far, with a talented, supportive roster surrounding her. With all the hard work they'd been putting in, the girls' JV team kicked ass this season (and way more than the boys' team), just as she had anticipated.

While Leah hadn't found her balance yet, she had certainly earned Coach D's trust. By her fifteenth birthday, Coach D finally saw her as the star she always knew herself to be. (Leah could still make improvements on the attitude part, but taking baby steps never hurt anybody.) This discovery made the basketball season even more special. She assumed the role of a starter this season on the JV team. Every time the tip-off happened at the beginning of the game, glory ran through her veins.

Despite the glory that came with shining at what she did best, late practice nights and even later game nights sometimes turned into forgotten homework worksheets that Leah would rush to make look complete just in time for class. She'd also earned a C-minus on an Algebra quiz, which she had promptly trashed once she'd gotten it back in a sorry attempt to erase the shame. She still made it to her ASB meetings right after classes on Fridays, but she'd taken a less active role among the board. Even with all her calendars, the internal pressure to do things right, and her parents constantly encouraging her to do her best, she hadn't fallen into the swing of things quite yet. Self-doubt didn't hold a place in her vocabulary, but nervous had weaseled its way right in.

However, she had known that basketball would take over her life at some point. She had also known that she'd need to work harder at her schoolwork to maintain her grades. She had never anticipated Sam having such a role in her life now, though. With him around, she didn't feel as much pressure to do everything right. Sam had been in her life as a mere acquaintance for so long already—with La Push being such a tight-knit community, he held an unavoidable presence. And now, he occupied a small yet significant part of Leah's life with purpose. Intention. If he ever missed a step, she never noticed because she enjoyed having him around that much.

While Leah's schedule remained packed to the brim from Monday to Friday, she had managed to squeeze Sam into her equilibrium-in-progress too. Since the Port Angeles outing back in October, they would spend most of their Friday nights with Andy, Rebecca, Rachel, and Emily, keeping warm as winter made its quick approach. It had become a habit for them to all get together and kick it, and Leah never missed out, no matter how often she'd get so tired that she'd doze off on the couch. Those cold Friday nights in Andy's basement had been reserved for ordering pizza and curling up on the couches to watch low-budget horror flicks and raunchy comedies that the six of them had absolutely no business watching at all; they made sure to swiftly change the station to some innocuous program whenever Andy's grandmother would come downstairs to check on them.

Leah never cared for any of those movies and their silliness, but she always returned for the quality time with her best friends and Sam, and, of course, his fingers entangled with her own. (Her favorite part.) Because Fridays went hand-in-hand with freedom, Friday nights at Andy's house allowed Leah and Sam to be more hand-in-hand with each other. This temporary freedom would often culminate during Leah and Sam's walk home in the dark from Andy's house, filled with stifled laughter and close embraces when they'd hold on to each other tightly, like they'd be swept away in the wind if they let go even for an instant. Her fear of the dark had only grown apparent with the days becoming shorter in December, but, with Sam, she managed to shove that fear to a back corner of her mind and deal with it later.

But the hand-holding didn't feel the same outside of those nights. When they'd walk together in between classes and on their way to lunch, sometimes their hands would find each other, but those occasions had been brief. Fleeting. They also never made a big show of it, especially since their relationship hadn't officially progressed past the awkward, friends-with-mutual-crushes state.

Besides this, the opportunity to be slightly affectionate didn't come up a lot in the school week anyway. In between the final bell and basketball practice, the two of them would meet up for study hall together, but those study sessions didn't exactly call for romance. Rather, they'd both be scrambling to get as much homework done as possible, with Leah typically finishing up late submissions. During the school week, they had to play by the rules. Basketball and ASB and Sam's Honor Society obligations had a lot of rules, with no way to work around them.

This Friday, the last day of school before winter break, featured air brisk with giddy anticipation. Today's early release schedule allowed the kids to leave their classes right after lunch and led to the cancellation of all after school activities too. No detention, no club meetings, no sports… as if anybody could stand to remain in that cold building longer than they had to, anyway. The freezing air led to enough impending cases of the sniffles.

Leah and Sam walked home together this afternoon, keeping close to preserve warmth. She still got the butterflies around him, but they didn't debilitate her so much anymore. Sometimes, she felt like she could fly off with them like a paper glider with no sense of direction, but his hand wrapped around hers helped ground her. Kept her earthbound.

"Your hands are freezing, Lee," Sam observed as he cradled Leah's smaller hand in his own. "I don't know how you're surviving out here."

She made a face. "I know, I know. I should've brought my gloves today." They walked next to the empty street, underneath the bare, skinny trees. With snow, they'd be a perfect winter picture, just like the movies. But, because they lived in Washington, they had only been awarded ice.

"I could've told you that," Sam said, idly rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand. "It's been super cold for days. It's gonna snow soon."

She took a wide stride over a particularly daunting patch of ice, clutching his hand a little tighter. "Yeah, right. We never get snow in December."

He shook his head, careful not to slip in the ice himself. "Nah, I can smell it."

She playfully rolled her eyes. "Nuh-uh."

"For real! You know how you can smell when it's gonna rain?"

"Sure."

"I can smell when it's gonna snow."

"Okay, then, psychic," she said. "So why are we walking to my place when your nose is telling you it's gonna snow?"

He shrugged and gave her hand a squeeze. "I don't exactly get this much alone time with you on the bus."

Her face grew hot. "Then you better keep me warm."

Moments like this almost made Leah wish she had a camera, but she'd need something stronger than that to really capture all the emotions cycling through her as they held hands in the daylight now. She'd been racking up a mental Blockbuster store with all the moments with Sam that she'd collected in her mind so far. Sometimes, she feared that she'd forget them forever if she lost focus for even a second. This made her memories intricate and detailed.

Whenever she'd find herself alone at night in her room, she'd replay the memories of him in her mind like the finest of films, like the Academy Award winners. She gladly abided by the rule of be kind, please rewind when it came to these moments.

Along with the hand-holding, these days she frequently replayed the night of her fifteenth birthday, where she'd entered Andy's basement to find a surprise party thrown for her with streamers and balloons and a bunch of her friends and the sweetest birthday cake with her name on it in swirly pink icing. When she'd learned that Sam and Emily had planned it all for her, she wanted to cry the happiest tears. The act of a party being thrown in her honor by her closest friends had almost been too much to handle. Emily's care and Sam's intentionality had shined through like never before that night.

"I'm kinda glad we can get a break from the crappy movies in Andy's basement today," Sam admitted as they approached his house, on the street behind hers. His mother's Jeep sat in the driveway with a thin layer of frost across the windshield and chains on the tires. "You mind waiting out here while I go drop off my backpack?"

"What, I can't come in and say hi to your mama?" she asked, her breath floating in the air. "Am I a secret or something?"

Sam pulled his keys from his pocket with his free hand. "She knows about you," he said. "I just don't think it's a good idea for you to come in right now."

Leah's brows furrowed. "Okay."

"I'll be right back," Sam assured her. He let go of her hand and let himself into the house after unlocking the door, gently closing the door behind him. Leah's hand instantly grew cold, and she stuffed both of them into the pockets of her jacket while she waited, wishing she'd brought her gloves.

As promised, Sam returned without his backpack in sight. With Leah's house being the next block over, they didn't share too many words over the short walk. The air didn't deaden, but it did become pensive. She checked the mailbox, carrying its contents into the house.

"You have an idea of what movie we're watching tonight?" Sam asked her once they entered her house and began to remove their shoes and coats.

Leah leaned against the wall to keep her balance. "It's Seth's pick for this week," she informed him, "and he already decided on Shrek."

"I thought he chose that a few weeks ago," Sam recalled.

Leah found hangers in the coat closet to hang their jackets on. "Yeah. I tried to get him to pick Atlantis this time," she told Sam, "but he really freakin' loves Shrek. The kid won't give it up."

Sam laughed. "He's got taste, though. Shrek is a good one."

Leah playfully rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I think I got that the first three times I watched it. If Seth wasn't at Collin's, it'd definitely be playing right now. Or he'd be kicking our butts at UNO."

Sam made an affirmative noise, but this couldn't cover up the noticeably silent air as they lingered around the kitchen. Leah, always quick to make herself busy, sorted loose mail and sheets of paper on the table as a last-minute effort to clean up. She sometimes got so nervous that she had to do something with her hands.

She eyed an envelope from her school with her name on it: a report card. Seth had received one of his own too. Leah swiftly chucked hers into the kitchen trash can without a second thought. She didn't need her parents discovering her sad, deteriorating grades, especially with her crush right in front of her. Screw the rules.

As she returned to organizing the rest of the mail, Sam stood around in the same area near the closet, barely moving a muscle.

"You okay?" she asked him. "Ignore the clutter, by the way. I'm working on it."

"Nah, the clutter is fine," he replied with an unrelenting awkwardness that made him that much more endearing. "I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your 'rents letting me come over today. You know, as your friend who you sometimes hold hands with."

"Right," she said, glancing up at him. She tried not to let her sarcasm take over—but who could she fool? Her sarcasm remained innate—yet a weird, compulsory feeling nagged at her to be nicer to him. Or more understanding. His pretty brown eyes had so much power over her.

She forced herself to ignore the friends part of his awkward spiel, though.

Her tone remained teasing but not harsh. "It's no problem, even though I still don't know what your place looks like. Friend ."

He let out a short exhale. "That's the thing. My place isn't really good for having people over. And my mom… well, she kinda has issues."

Leah's brows raised at his serious tone. "Oh. She seemed nice back when she took us to the movies. I guess I didn't notice."

"I mean, she's not super messed up or anything, but sometimes she gets into these really sad moods, and right now, she's in one," Sam explained. "That's why I didn't want you to come inside earlier. It would've been weird."

Leah had heard about Allison Uley's temperament in passing, and she knew her as a meek, quiet, and sometimes lonely acquaintance of her parents, but it had never seemed this severe. They lived in Washington of all places, so the winter blues haunted everyone around here, but Allison's situation seemed rather… drastic.

"Is she okay?" she asked.

"This time of year is always hard for her, but she gets through it. I can tell that me being around doesn't really make it better, though."

"Wait, what? I thought you guys were close."

"We are close," he clarified. "I mean, I watch Survivor with the lady every week. But the thing is, she hates my face."

"There's no way she hates my face."

"She says I look just like my dad, so I just figured." He paused, and Leah didn't say anything. "But I do know that being around you makes things alright, though, so thanks for that," he finished.

His warm eyes practically bled with sincerity. Honesty. Looking at him weighed down her heart. Sam's face transcended time too, and she hated that he carried so much shame over something that wasn't even his fault.

"Any time," she assured him. "And your face is always welcome here, so don't worry about it."

The sadness in his expression subsided a little bit. "I had a feeling you'd understand, Lee."

She made her way back to him before taking his hand in hers and giving him a soothing smile that he mirrored instantly. "Lemme give you the tour."

He followed her around the house as she gave him a brief overview of their immediate surroundings.

"So that's the kitchen, obviously," she pointed out, "and this is the living room, home to every last viewing of Shrek."

He stopped to look up at the painting in the living room hanging above the loveseat. "That's cool."

"Right? It's been in the family forever. My mom guards it like it's her third child." She then unlocked the back door and let the brisk air float into the house as she swung the door open. "Now here's where all the bonfires you'd catch from your window were coming from."

"I see," Sam said as he looked out to the vast backyard "Nice fire pit."

"Thanks. Me and my dad built it back when I was in sixth grade. We couldn't afford basketball camp so I needed something else to do all summer."

"I didn't think you'd be so handy. Are you gonna light it up tonight?"

She shook her head. "Not if it's gonna snow like you said earlier. We only do bonfires when we have people over for my dad's fish fry, anyway, and my mom's making chicken tortilla soup tonight. C'mon, I'll show you around the rest of the house."

He followed behind her as he showed her everywhere else in the house—the laundry room, the doors to her parents' and Seth's room, and, finally, her own room.

"Hey, MTV, welcome to my Crib," she announced.

He entered her bedroom now, stepping onto the vacuum cleaner lines that she had made this morning in anticipation for this exact moment. But, despite the obvious cleanliness of her room, she suddenly grew self-conscious. She hadn't left anything embarrassing out, of course, but a noticeable crack blemished her blinds, and the room wasn't the most interesting scene. She didn't find her room particularly interesting, save for the long shelves of basketball trophies mounted to the wall.

Her self-consciousness wouldn't quit.

He thinks I'm cool, right? she asked herself. But how cool can I really be without a poster of my favorite band?!

Sam didn't fixate on the boring walls anyway, as he now glanced down in the trash bin by her door. "You tossed your nightlight. Did you get a new one or something?"

"Yeah, right," she snorted, covering up the realization that not only did he remember what she'd told him, but he also didn't make her feel dumb or juvenile for using a nightlight at all. "Mine broke last night, so I'll be sleeping with the hall light on," she added.

He looked back up. "Do you ever get to sleep without it?"

"Barely, but I'm used to it," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders as she crossed the room to her desk. The old desk now resembled organized clutter instead of regular clutter, consisting mostly of forms from ASB that she needed to add to her binders and a couple of forgotten worksheets from her classes.

In an effort to conceal her excitement over her crush in her room, Leah's hands now fussed to locate her old personal CD player, characterized by a scratch on the underside and a prayer to play CDs without skipping. Still a better alternative to the kitchen radio, though.

"I knew you were a hooper but sheesh," Sam commented as he took a gander at all the trophies around the room. "Were you in the NBA in a past life or what?"

Leah laughed. "Pretty much," she told him once she found the CD player and headphones. She opened up the device to find nothing in it, suddenly remembering that her family kept a book of CDs near the TV. "I'll be right back," she added. "You can get comfortable, though."

As she left her room to find the CDs, she said a mental prayer to whoever could hear her that Sam wouldn't find her too weird, that he would want to stay. She seemed to be doing alright so far, but she didn't want to jinx it. For good luck (as well as to distract Sam from her restlessness), she passed through the kitchen to grab a couple packets of fruit snacks from the pantry.

She returned to her room, finding Sam on top of her neatly folded comforter, baby-blue and adorned with fluffy white clouds. She set down the fruit snacks between them and found a cloud of her own in her corner spot before handing him the CD book, a collection of her family members' eclectic tastes all in one place.

"I chose last time—it's your turn," she told Sam.

He flipped through the book of CDs. "I never thought you'd ask… Okay, I've got it."

"Already?"

"I know a classic when I see one. Bump this." He took out the last CD she expected: NSYNC's self-titled album.

She rolled her eyes. "You don't have to make fun of me, Sam."

"No one's making fun of you, Leah."

"I just thought you'd pick something different, like Sade or Santana."

"It's, what, 1:15?" he asked. "There's still time to listen to them later. And regardless, JT killed it in the group."

She narrowed her eyes. "Um, you said he was corny."

"I guess I had a change of heart."

"We don't have to put on what you think I wanna listen to," she assured him, not backing down. "I'm just saying."

"And I'm just saying…" His words lingered, and she could practically see his thoughts at work again soon before his hand found hers. Between their hands fitting together like puzzle pieces, the gaze they shared as this happened, and her suddenly noticing just how soft his lips looked, she almost melted into a puddle on her cloudy comforter. Another moment. The cameras had already begun rolling in her head.

"It's tearin' up my heart to not listen to your favorite boy band with you," he finished, his voice sweet with the slightest hint of persuasion.

"Who's the corny one now?" she teased as she leaned in.

His voice became raspy yet gentle as he inched closer and said, "Fine, you win."

She closed her eyes and held her breath in anticipation.

"Push it! …Pull it! …Twist it! "

Flinching at the sudden interruption, Leah and Sam pulled away from each other until more space divided them than before. Sam hastily maneuvered to the other end of the bed, sitting up against the wall, while she crammed herself into the corner.

"Sounds like Seth's home," Leah muttered, her face hot.

"Bop it!" Seth's toy screeched from the other room.

Leah cringed, embarrassed beyond words; Sam laughed.

After briefly chatting with Seth, Leah and Sam spent the remainder of the afternoon listening to the NSYNC album—followed by several other albums—and talking the entire time. They made do with her over-the-ear headphones, but they got close again and made it work so they could both listen. Their conversation helped too. Leah didn't have to worry about missing the vocals of her favorite celebrity heartthrobs as long as she had her real-life heartthrob with her too.

Leah and Sam had gotten better at small talk since October. The chatter of school and friends and music and favorite colors and ideal travel destinations didn't feel so small anymore—not with them in such close proximity.

In the breaks of their continuous flow of words and laughter, usually when they'd change CDs, she wondered if he would try to kiss her again, if he would finally encounter the courage again to close that space between them with a soft voice and softer eyes, this time with no interruptions.

In October she hadn't felt ready, but now that she'd gotten so close to the possibility of a kiss, she didn't want to let it go. The non-kiss upset her when it didn't happen, but she found it easier to forgive him than she'd ever expected.


Since the sky darkened and her parents had returned home from work, Leah and Sam had reverted to playing by the rules again. Thankfully, her parents already knew of Sam, so it wouldn't feel like a big deal. The pressure might have killed Leah.

Sue and Harry knew Sam as a good kid with his head on straight—while Leah knew him as all that and then some—but she'd grown tired of the rules as the evening progressed. She'd rather dive back into the place they'd been earlier, where they'd sit on her bed and listen to her CDs, intermittently pausing to talk about aliens and biology and everything in between.

However, being this daring as a fifteen-year-old in her parents' house would require crossing a bridge that she didn't feel equipped to cross yet.

Thus, she made sure to play by the rules, as much as it pained her on the inside. Over the dinner table, she watched Sam laugh at all of Harry's cheesy dad jokes and Sue's drawn-out anecdotes. After dinner, she sat on the loveseat with him through an hour and thirty-five minutes of Shrek. Their hands didn't touch once.

Once the credits rolled, Sue took it upon herself to show Sam highlights from the family photo album. Sam even laughed with her and Harry! Mortified and desperate to get his attention away from her baby pictures, Leah suggested that they play a game of UNO. Sue spectated during the game while Harry got a head start on washing the dishes.

The Clearwaters' house rules could be ruthless, and stacking the draw cards existed as a mere example. At one point, Sam had played a green, draw-two card. Seth played a yellow one. Leah had the opportunity to play a red one and took it, only to be met with Sam playing another green. draw-two card. With no mercy, Seth sent a blue, draw-two card Leah's way. Instead of picking up ten new cards and hoping for a comeback, she gave up. Since then, Leah had begrudgingly accepted third place and resorted to reshuffling the deck whenever the draw pile neared empty.

Seth now slapped the cards down onto the kitchen table with conviction. "Reverse, reverse, skip you, wild card, UNO, skip you again, I win."

Sam watched it all happen with wide eyes. He still had five cards left from his own hand, but the game had long ended.

"It's Seth's world, remember?" Leah reminded him. "The rest of us are just living in it."

"If only someone warned me," he replied, faux-offended at the loss.

She shouldn't have expected Seth to go easy on Sam, despite him being a guest. Seth had such a high winning streak that Leah regretted teaching him how to play at all. Nobody ever stood a chance against him.

"Good game," Sam told his opponent as he set his cards down.

Seth couldn't stifle his bright smile. "You put up a good fight. Even better than Leah."

Leah immediately protested this with raised eyebrows. "I had a bad hand! And that was before you guys made me draw ten cards."

"She always says that when she's losing," Seth told Sam. "You wanna play again, bro?"

"Next time, for sure," Sam assured him before glancing at Leah. "I should get going soon. It's supposed to get really icy out tonight."

"It will," Harry agreed as he rinsed the dishes. "The roads are pretty bad already. You be careful, alright, Sam?"

"Yes, sir," Sam replied.

"I'll walk you out," Leah offered.

Having said his thank yous and goodbyes to Leah's family for the night and being supplied with enough leftover soup to feed him and his mom through the foreseeable future, Leah and Sam now walked along the dark ice on the driveway with careful footsteps. They stopped near the Clearwaters' mailbox, at the edge of the road. With the road in question being dark, empty, and cold tonight, nobody with half a brain cell would be out right now if they could help it. And, of course, Harry hadn't lied about the roads being bad. A messy accident practically waited to happen.

"It was nice being with you today," Sam said, his breath in the air and his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. "I really appreciate it."

She smiled. "Same here."

His smile matched hers as the space between them closed once again. Not shying away from the cold, he removed his hand from his pocket to intertwine it with hers. She'd missed this.

"I hope we get time to hang out again over break," she said. "Coach D will have us practicing the whole time; I'll check my calendar."

He shook his head, his smile consistent. "You and your calendars."

"C'mon, you know they work," she countered. "I just wanna make sure we have time."

"Okay. I'll be looking forward to the next time I see you while you get your calendar together. Maybe we can play UNO or something."

"What, so I can watch Seth kick your butt again?" she teased.

He chuckled, and the next words he uttered set her insides on fire. "Any excuse to be around you works for me."

Her heart fluttered in her chest. "Then I'll find any excuse to call you."

A full-on grin reappeared on his lips. "I'm looking forward to it. I'll see you, Lee."

"See you."

He gave her hand a promising squeeze before letting go, giving her a wave goodbye, and trailing off into the night. He didn't live far from her, but every parting moment made her believe they existed half a world away from each other.

She returned to her own house before stopping at the door, her hand on the knob. Is it even okay to feel like this about some boy who says we're just 'friends'?

Whatever.

Leah faced Seth's teasing the second she entered the house. "Sam and Leah sitting in a tree," he sang. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G—"

"Kissing?" Harry asked. He'd just finished up with the dishes as he now approached the kitchen table.

"With the same exact Sam who you introduced to us as your friend?" Sue asked.

She tried to shield her embarrassment with a scowl in Seth's direction before redirecting her attention to her parents. "Seth's just being silly. Me and Sam are just friends, and we weren't kissing at all." I wish, though.

Seth smirked as he made very obvious air quotes. "Oh, then were you 'checking the mailbox' again?"

Leah finished removing her shoes and coat, now making her way to the kitchen table. "Shut up, Seth."

"You shut up."

"Hey, hey, cut that out," Harry reprimanded them. "You both need to stop telling each other to shut up."

"It's his fault," Leah grumbled.

Seth shook his head. "Nuh-uh! Lee told me to shut up first."

"Only 'cause you started it. Don't you have some book to be crying over like a little baby?"

The tears twinkled in Seth's eyes all over again. "Take that back!" he exclaimed. "Bridge to Terabithia was a good book, you jerk-face!"

"Look, I don't care who started it," Sue interrupted from the table. "Your dad's right—you need to stop telling each other to shut up, and you are not allowed to call each other babies and jerk-faces. If you keep up this fussing, you're both grounded for the rest of winter break, okay?"

"Okay, Ma," both Leah and Seth replied, their voices low.

"And, besides," Sue continued as she sorted through the letters again, "I'm sure there's no new mail to pick up since we've already got enough as it is." She suddenly stopped, glancing up at her daughter. "Leah?"

"Yes?"

"Where's your report card?"

Think fast. "I guess mine hasn't been sent out yet."

Sue held up the damning piece of evidence. Shit. "But Seth got his."

"They probably just sent the younger kids' report cards early this year," Leah explained. "I don't even think Rachel and Rebecca got theirs yet."

"Seth, sweetie, can you go to your room?" Sue asked him, not at all convinced. "We need to talk to your sister."

Recognizing the seriousness of the situation, Seth retreated to his bedroom without a word, but Leah could hear him giggling to himself as he scurried off.

"Leah," Harry began, his tone unwavering. "Where's your report card? There's no need to lie."

I'm dead. I'm dead! I'm freakin' dead!

Stalling but prepared to endure a full interrogation, she pulled out a chair and sat down. Her eyes remained focused on her hands as she tried to formulate the most respectful string of words possible to explain that her report card sat in the garbage can with no intentions of being retrieved.

And… I've got nothing. Better fess up.

"Probably under some onion peels and empty cans of tomato chunks." She still looked down at her hands, but she could feel her parents' stares of disapproval drilling right into her.

Sue's sharp tone cut into Leah. "You threw it away?"

"My grades suck. Like, so bad you guys don't even wanna know."

"That doesn't mean you just throw your report card away," Harry told her. "And—trust me—we wanna know."

Leah looked up to find the exact facial expressions she'd expected—her mother upset, with her notorious pissed off eyebrows, while Harry held enough disappointment in his dark eyes to make Leah feel awful inside. "You didn't believe me when I said my grades suck?"

"Oh, we believe you," Sue said before subtly gesturing to the trash can. "I think you have something for us."

Leah's brows knit together as the corners of her mouth pulled into a frown. " Please , Ma, don't make me dig through onion peels and tomato juice!"

"You knew I was making chicken tortilla soup long before you decided to throw out your report card," Sue reprimanded. "Get to it."

Leah groaned as she got up from the table and made her way to the trash can, wishing she'd folded her report card into a paper glider and sent it flying far away instead.


"So that's why I'm grounded for the rest of winter break," Leah concluded, releasing an exasperated sigh into the phone. "Sorry, Sam."

"That sucks," he replied. "At least they're letting you talk on the phone when you're grounded."

"Oh, I'm not allowed to talk on the phone at all when I'm grounded, unless it's to get help for school," she clarified, her tone blunt. "My parents are just asleep."

From the kitchen chair she sat in, she shifted so her legs swung over the other arm and she could face the living room. From the sole light source she had turned on, a lamp in the corner in the room, she could see the hands on the wall clock pointing to 11:48. More than enough time had passed for the other Clearwaters to fall asleep and Leah to have showered, thoroughly ridding herself of the lingering scent of onions and tomato juice. Sam had been gone for hours now.

Leah felt weary, but not from the need to rest. Rather, the whiplash of being in Sam's presence all day and then being immediately grounded by her parents had sent her crashing. Of course, she hadn't crashed hard enough to face the darkness and try to get some sleep without her trusty nightlight, but that wouldn't happen tonight, anyway.

"Sheesh, that's bold," Sam said. "How bad were your grades?"

She hesitated at first, recalling his status as an active Honor Society member. "I pulled a C-minus in Algebra," she told him, "then a B-minus in Bio, and these language classes are kicking my butt. Ms. Lipson even said I 'lost focus' and that I should 'consider creating a study plan.' So my parents are gonna have me studying all week when I'm not at practice, and the only way they'll even consider letting me see my friends is if I have real questions about schoolwork."

"I had no clue it was that bad," he replied. "I'm sorry, Lee."

"It's fine—it's all on me, anyway. There's no freakin' way I'm quitting basketball, so I'll just have to stop going to Andy's every Friday and study more on the weekends. All that."

"Well, if it helps, I'm known to be a pretty decent tutor," he offered, his voice smooth with the slightest tinge of boyish nervousness. "Okay, not so much in Bio, but I've got a set of flashcards for common Quileute phrases that got me through all my quizzes last year."

"I could really use those."

"I've gotcha. Just let me know when you can pencil me into your busy calendar."

She rolled her eyes. "Making fun of me for trying to be organized again?"

He chuckled. "Never that."

She laughed too, mild and breathy so as to not wake her family. "Whatever, Sam. You're gonna miss making fun of me over break."

"You've got that right. From the sounds of it, we're officially star-crossed."

She couldn't help pouting. "This break is gonna be so long. I don't know how I'll deal."

"Yeah. If I'd known you were gonna get grounded, I would've…" His words trailed, but she couldn't discern whether the phone interfered or his apprehension did. .

Her breathing stopped. "You would've what?"

"You're not going to sleep soon, are you?" he asked, his voice braver now. "Without the nightlight?"

"Don't remind me that I'll barely get any sleep tonight," she said with a roll of her eyes. "But, no, I'm not going to sleep any time soon."

"Can I come by real quick?"

She shot up so fast in her chair that she nearly pulled a muscle. "You mean like now?"

"Yeah. I wanna give you something."

Oh my god. Oh my god?! "Yeah!" She stopped herself, lowering her voice and maintaining her cool. "I mean, yeah. Come by the back door, okay? I'll turn the string lights on for you."

"Okay, cool. I'll be there soon."

"See you, Sam."

She cautiously hung up the phone before bolting to the bathroom on the balls of her feet. Upon shutting the door as quietly as possible and flicking on the light switch, she freshened up, aware of the ticking clock. She vigorously brushed her teeth again and splashed her face with cold water, effectively soaking her tank top in the process.

Crap. Crap. Crapcrapcrap.

Leah listened for any stirring or footsteps besides her own as she tiptoed to her bedroom to locate the first shirt she could find from her laundry basket. Refraining from turning on the light, she threw on the top—something long-sleeved and soft—and returned to the living room and its warm lighting from the single lamp.

She flicked on a switch, turning on the string lights that hung above the fire pit and the benches in the backyard. She peeked through the blinds of the door to find the person she'd been awaiting. He walked along the frosty grass, towards the ramp to get to the deck.

She opened the door with caution, not shutting it behind her. "It's icy," she warned Sam in the faintest voice as he stepped onto the ramp in her slippers.

"Thanks for the warning," he replied, his voice just as hushed as he met her at the door.

Her dimpled smile radiated underneath the muted white lights, matching his expression. "Hi."

"Hey."

"Nice sweats, by the way," she said, taking note of his attire. Comfy-casual always worked on him, and he looked especially cozy now, in his sweatpants, coat, and sneakers.

"Back at ya," he replied. "That's a neat way to wear a sweatshirt."

"What?" She glanced down at her top to see not only the inside of the sweatshirt she had randomly selected, but the tag too. "Oh. Um, I kinda threw this on in the dark."

He smirked. "I thought you were scared of the dark."

"I gotta pick my battles," she said with a shrug, trying to play it cool. "My mom finding out I'm seeing a boy at midnight is scarier than anything hiding in the dark."

He nodded. "I believe you. But, um, I just wanted to give you a couple things. First…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a neat stack of index cards, fastened with an elastic band, and handed it to her. "Here are those flashcards I was talking about."

She sighed in relief. "You're a lifesaver, Sam. You have no idea."

"I do what I can," he said easily. "Plus it'd suck if you failed."

As if my language classes aren't the literal reason why my parents have me going to the Tribal School at all. "You don't have to tell me twice."

He paused before going on. "Now, for what I really wanted to give you," he said as he reached into his pocket again. He then retrieved a little blue-and-red box and handed it to her.

A nightlight. A brand-new nightlight wrapped in a gold bow. A Spider-Man themed nightlight, too—an unexpected yet endearing touch.

A bit of worry flashed in Sam's eyes. "I know the Spider-Man thing is kinda random, but—"

"Are you kidding?" she interrupted. "This is the nicest thing ever." She closed the space between them to give him the widest, warmest hug. She collided into him with force that almost made him lose his footing on the icy deck.

"I'm so glad you like it," he said as they embraced. "I hauled ass to Forks right after I left earlier to go get it."

She parted slightly, just so she could see his face. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. "Sam, did you drive in the ice and without a license to get me this?"

"I guess you could say that's what happened," he said with a casual nod. "Take it as a token of my gratitude."

She giggled at his cheap reference to Princess Fiona and playfully smacked him with the box as they separated. "That's it—I'm never inviting you over for Shrek ever again."

"Damn, Lee," he said, clutching his heart. "I'm crushed."

She rolled her eyes at the dramatics but couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Thanks for this, though," she said, gesturing to the nightlight. "I might be able to get to sleep, after all."

"Good." He nodded. "But there is something I've been wanting to ask you before the year ends."

She forgot to breathe again. "Yes?"

"I know we just started hanging out in October," he added.

"Yes?"

He continued to stall, and she could practically feel the nervousness radiating off him. "So I get it if you wouldn't be down, 'cause two months isn't really the longest time, but I just thought I'd ask."

"What do you wanna ask me?" she urged.

"Leah Clearwater, will you be my girlfriend?"

Everything went into slow motion. The cameras in her mind rolled again.

Cue the inner fireworks! This is another moment. THE moment.

"It took you long enough to ask," she finally answered. "Of course I'll be your girlfriend, Sam."

Absolved of visible nervousness, Sam's face lit up. "Okay. Alright. Cool."

They both went in for the hug this time, letting it linger a while longer as they held each other close. She breathed in his scent, clean and familiar. Everything felt right. She could sense something from him that she knew they had to act on. She only needed to take that step by leaning in and parting her lips and—

"I just heard footsteps in the house," she whispered urgently, removing herself from his embrace with lightning speed. "I gotta go."

"Oh, crap. Sorry."

"It's okay. I'll see you later, alright?"

He nodded. "Okay. Goodnight, Lee."

"Goodnight, Sam."

She stepped back into the house and twisted the doorknob before closing the door, to ensure that it wouldn't make a sound.

The creaky footsteps didn't subside yet. Living in this house all her life, she could tell exactly who moved through it based on the noises their footsteps made. Luckily for her, Harry moved rather slowly, especially when he got up in the middle of the night.

She turned off the string lights outside and tossed the flashcards and nightlight onto the loveseat, and then swiftly maneuvered to the kitchen. Harry had also entered the kitchen by the time she got a glass from the cabinet and began to fill it with water from the tap.

"Hey," she greeted him. "What are you doing up?"

His words came out in a groggy murmur. "Got thirsty." He also got a glass for himself and began to fill it with water. "Sorry I forgot to leave you a glass by your nightstand."

"It's okay, Dad."

He took a long sip of water and set the glass down into the sink before looking at Leah again with questioning eyes. "Your shirt's inside out, by the way," he said. "And backwards. Is that how the kids dress these days?"

"Yeah, that's the style."

The smile lines of his face crinkled. "Make sure to get some sleep. Haćh awí."

"Haćh awí."

He returned to the hallway, and Leah stayed behind in the kitchen. Part of her lingered in the backyard with Sam—her boyfriend —desperately wanting to go back in time and slow it down. The moment replayed in her mind, but it couldn't compare to living the actual experience. The experience itself had been so fleeting that her rapid heartbeat remained the only evidence of it happening at all.

And, yet, she still got grounded. Winter break would never end.


As expected, winter break peaked prematurely with Leah and Sam's late-night rendezvous that ended in them becoming official. The time away from school now trudged at an agonizingly slow pace, and Leah couldn't even see her friends to vent about it.

Harry and Sue took her recent drop in grades seriously, so Leah's break from school had her hitting the books harder than usual. She usually enjoyed a routine because, like her calendars, she found comfort in it. But a routine curated by her parents as punishment for earning mediocre grades and subsequently throwing away the evidence? It cramped her style every time she thought about it.

For the bulk of break, she'd practice at QTS in the mornings, study when she got home in the afternoons, and report back to her parents in the evenings. It felt like having a job with no pay beyond the verbal reinforcement of "Good job, sweetie! Keep it up," and with an eleven-year-old UNO lord as her supervisor.

She still took advantage of the slight exception that Sue had allotted in this new study plan. After all, she could call her friends as long as it had to do with schoolwork, and Sam really was a decent tutor. She called Rachel a couple times, as well as Kim, but she'd be silly to not utilize all of her resources.

Every night around eleven-thirty, she'd call Sam. By the first Wednesday of break, he'd pick up the phone within one ring. After that, he didn't miss a beat. It turned out that he had a schedule of his own to abide by, so she couldn't feel that bad for leaving him hanging.

"It's not the most glamorous job," he prefaced on their Thursday night phone call, "but I'm working with my mom at the Thriftway basically everyday during break."

"Wait, working-working?" she asked. "Or volunteering?"

"Working-working. One of the guys in the produce section just quit out of the blue, and they needed somebody. Turns out, they hire at fifteen."

"That's cool," she murmured into the phone. "How is it over there?"

"I cut up fruit and restock bags of salad," he told her, his voice nonchalant but still quiet. "It's alright."

"Ugh, we're extra star-crossed now, Sam. Stop me before I go grab the poison."

He chuckled. "Whatever, Lee."

The rest of their nights away from each other went on like this, with playful banter, light flirting, and occasional complaining about spending winter break so far apart. The usual.

Because he usually started work early in the morning, he and Leah usually made sure to not fall asleep on the phone, but his voice alone made her never want to hang up. Most times that she fell asleep on the phone with him, she got away with it, waking up at 3AM in the kitchen chair with a neck ache and retreating to her room before she could get caught.

They kept it up for most of winter break. Leah only slipped up once, on the second of January. Her record had previously been spotless until Sue found her that Thursday morning, hunched over in the kitchen chair and cradling the phone against her face.

The kitchen light alerted Leah enough to wake her up, but it paled in comparison to Sue's presence. Leah set the phone back onto the hook and then yawned.

Sue, almost ready for work now, searched for her jacket in the coat closet.

"You know," she told Leah. "If you hit the books as much as you hit Sam's line, you'd be in great shape."

"He's actually a really good tutor," Leah replied, her voice low. She sat up in the chair. "He tutors other kids at our school all the time, and he's helped me a lot."

"Huh. I'd like to see it."

Leah rubbed her eyes. "How'd you know I was on the phone with Sam?"

"'Cause you just admitted it."

Crap. "Oh."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't run up our phone bill, Leah," Sue continued as she began to slip on her work sneakers. "The rest of the bills are high enough as it is."

"I won't," Leah grumbled. "Sorry I wanted to call my friend." Well, boyfriend, but—

The wrinkle line in Sue's forehead formed now. "I'm not saying you can't have friends," she clarified, "but you need to prioritize your grades."

Leah nodded. "I know, Ma."

"And I can tell you're doing better now, sweetie—so don't think we're not paying attention—but just make sure to keep it up, 'cause we don't want you to have to quit basketball. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good. Have a good day, sweetie."

"Okay, you too," Leah replied, standing up from the chair. She'd almost made it to her room when Sue opened the front door and unleashed a string of cuss words as a foot and a half of snow piled at her feet.

The fortress of snow that had appeared overnight must have been a sign from the universe. Sue and Harry stayed home that day and enlisted Leah and Seth to help them complete an impossible number of snow chores, rendering Leah's studies temporarily irrelevant. Because the rest of the La Push community had been snowed in as well—with a slim chance of the roads being cleared out soon—today's basketball practice and all other school activities had been cancelled.

While Leah's schedule had opened up, she still had work to do. The physical labor that came with shoveling snow around in the freezing cold while chunky snowflakes intermittently began to freefall through the air managed to be more tolerable than redoing Algebra assignments, and it made time pass by faster too. Thursday afternoon came around sooner than ever before. Leah had just entered the house from the front yard with cold ears and colder hands when the telephone rang.

"I'll get it!" Leah called to her family members, who entered the house right behind her. She removed the phone from the hook. "Hello?"

"Oh my god, you're alive!" Rebecca exclaimed. "Your mom's really got you on lockdown, huh?"

"Like I'd be calling up Rachel just for help with Algebra if I wasn't," Leah replied. "What's up?"

"Me and Andy are getting a group together to go sledding and stuff, and we figured that since you live up at the top of a killer hill, we'd start by your place. I know you're grounded, but could you maybe get Auntie Sue to let you come kick it for a while? We freakin' miss you, Lee."

"I'm grounded, not dead," Leah said bleakly, even though she felt like it. "Who's all gonna be there?"

"Ugh, I knew you'd ask me that! If you need to know, it'll be yours truly, Andy, Rach, and Sam."

Her eyes widened. "He's coming?"

Rebecca giggled. "Um, yeah, that's what I just said, weirdo. My brother and his friends should be coming up too, and Kim's still deciding, but you know how she is."

"She'll show up right when everyone's about to leave, for sure," Leah replied.

"Exactly. So are you gonna ask your parents or what? Rach is just about ready to go, and it won't be too long before Sam shows up…"

Leah could easily visualize Rebecca's wicked grin. She hadn't broken the news to her yet, but at this point, she didn't have to. "You don't have to say it like that . I'll let you know what my mom says, though. See ya."

"See ya."

Leah hung up the phone and turned to her family, who had just removed their snow gear. Seth grabbed the copy of Gary Paulsen's Hatchet and plopped onto the loveseat. Sue retreated to the couch and turned the TV on to the local news, which now reported that there would likely be another heavy downpour of snow tonight.

"Guess we're getting up early to shovel again tomorrow," she announced with a sigh.

"Just as long as the road finally gets cleared," Harry replied to her, opening the refrigerator. "Want anything, babe?"

"Hísta lab."

"I can help with the shoveling tomorrow," Leah offered.

Harry handed Sue a can of Rainier beer once he got back to the living room. Sue cracked it open and shifted to look at Leah. "Don't worry, you will. Who was that on the phone?"

"Just Rebecca."

"Oh, okay."

"Can I go hang out with my friends?" Leah blurted out. "I know I'm grounded, but I've been getting better at math. Quileute too. You said it yourself earlier."

Sue nodded, inviting her to continue. "Mm-hmm."

"I just wanna go sledding with my friends for a little while," she went on. "They're all meeting up at the top of the hill, right outside. I won't be out long. After that, I'll study for the rest of the night."

Sue took a moment to share a glance with Harry. Leah didn't know how they did it, but they came to an agreement in an instant, all without exchanging words.

"You can go," Sue told her, "but you've gotta bring your brother."

The eleven-year-old immediately bookmarked his novel and tossed it on to the table as he jumped up. "Yes!" he cheered. "Let's go, Lee."

"And," Sue added, "you two need to watch out for each other on the ice. The ER doesn't need another split open head to deal with."

Leah nodded. "Got it. Thanks, Ma!"

After spending a long enough time to freshen up and make Seth impatient, they finally headed outside. Thick snowflakes descended from the clouds that lined the eerie, purple-gray sky.

In their several layers of clothing, Leah and Seth walked onto the street, their shoes crunching against the fresh, untouched snow. Seth carried a pool inner tube he'd inflated for the first time since August as his makeshift sled, while Leah carried a sleeping bag as hers. Several figures made their way toward them, and Leah recognized them as her friends. Jacob's friends had shown up too, with Quil and Embry shredding it down the hill in their do-it-yourself snowboards as Jacob cheered them on.

Seth immediately left Leah's side once he got assaulted with snowballs, chucked at him by none other than Collin and Brady. Determined to get them back, he ran off. Leah just hoped he wouldn't fall and crack his head open—then she'd be extra grounded.

"Hey!" Rebecca said once she made it up the hill, waddling as fast as she could without slipping to give Leah a hug. Their coats made swishing noises as they collided. "I knew Auntie Sue would let you come."

Leah smiled. "I didn't."

"Are we gonna race down this insane hill or what?" Rachel asked as she made it up the hill with Andy, carrying a tarp in her arms. "It's good to see you, Lee."

"You make it sound like I died or something," Leah replied with a playful roll of her eyes. "But you too, Rach." She smirked at Andy. "And same to you, scrub. Have you guys seen—"

"Sam?" Rebecca interjected. "Yeah, he's right there." She nodded her head to the direction that they came from.

"This hill is no joke in the ice," Sam commented, trying his hardest not to fall or drop the sleeping bag he carried.

Leah's smile stretched into a grin at the sight of him. "You made it!"

He held his sleeping bag with one hand and his free one instinctively met hers. "Of course I did," he said sheepishly.

She flashed mischievous eyes at him and raised her eyebrows. "Let's see how you're feeling later when I beat you down the hill."

He snickered. "Yeah, right."

Leah's athletic advantage had nothing on Sam's sledding skills. He beat her and the rest of their friends down the hill with quick maneuvers like it took nothing. Even when the others joined—Kim, Jared, and Paul—he still had them beat. He had a close race with Paul, though.

After Leah had wiped out for the third time in a race against Sam, she shook the snowflakes out of her eyelashes and figured she should make a truce.

"Okay, fine," she said while gathering her sleeping bag from the snowbank near the Blacks' house at the bottom of the hill. "You're better at sledding than me."

Sam readjusted his hood so it covered his head again and offered her a hand, helping her up. "I thought we established that the last fifteen times I won," he said with a smirk on his lips. "You wanna sled down together and find out what it's like to not wipe out?"

She rolled her eyes and tried not to smile. "You talk a lot of shit, Sam. Race you back to the top!" Then she scurried to the top of the hill the fastest she could without slipping.

Sam didn't end up too far behind her. She laid out her sleeping bag, determined to not crash this time. "Okay, should I be in the front or what?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I'll sit behind you. You just steer, alright?"

"Alright…" Leah carefully sat down on the sleeping bag and he found his place behind her, his body around hers. She could hear his coat swish against her own.

"You ready?" he asked her.

"Yeah."

"Okay, just don't make us crash."

"Whatever, Sam."

And off they went. They flew down the hill, the wind pushing the hoods of their jackets back and tickling their faces. Leah swerved them around in the sleeping bag with laidback cockiness only for them to crash into the snowbank on the far side of the twins' house, at the bottom of the hill.

The two of them crashed rather hard, rolling out of the sleeping bag and sinking in untouched snow. Leah landed slightly on top of him, her torso awkwardly draped over his with a leg hitched over his hip. They laid there face-to-face, eye-to-eye.

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry about crashing," she murmured.

He narrowed his eyes, reading right through her. "No, you're not."

"I'm really not," she confessed, cracking up with laughter.

He laughed too, and, as they subsided, they remained close to each other. So close that heart beat right out of her chest, and she worried that he could feel it too. She wondered if Sam got butterflies like she did. She'd have to ask him someday, if she ever figured out how to breathe again.

She couldn't have been the only nervous one, though. Sam seemed to hesitate now, trying to gauge the moment. Was this the right moment? Would they ever have one? She wished he could get inside his head for once, so he could read her thoughts verbatim and feel exactly what she felt.

With cautious yet assured hands, he brought her in closer. Despite his forwardness, she could still see him hesitating, but this didn't stop him further closing the gap between them. Heat rose from the pit of her stomach to her chest as she let out a shaky gasp, blowing whatever cover she thought she'd been able to maintain. A genuine stroke of fear crossed her mind; she just might melt away with the snow before he touched her again.

He moved his hand to cup her soft jaw, and she took in everything from the wispiness of his eyelashes, the subtle flush in his cheeks, and the ripeness of his lips—oh god, his lips—that practically begged to be tasted. She shut her eyes as he finally closed the space between them, and time simply stopped.

With the slowest, most soothing touch, he pressed his lips to hers. They separated after a moment to open their eyes and glance at each other, almost to ensure that it had been real, and then they went back in with more force than Leah could have ever anticipated. They sank into the cold, their bodies wrapped up in each other as they kissed again, and again, and again, and—

"Pack it up, losers!" a voice bellowed as snowballs pelted Leah and Sam.

They perked their heads up to see Paul sliding down the street on a plastic tub lid, quickly followed by Jared, who had some icy ammo of his own. "Get a room!"

Leah and Sam quickly scattered, dodging the shots as they took cover behind the large tree in the yard. They chucked a couple snowballs towards the boys, but the hits couldn't make an impact with their distance.

Tingly, breathless, and with every nerve in her body set alight (though she didn't attribute it to the snowball attack), Leah fell back against the trunk.

"Our timing sucks, you know that?" she asked Sam. "It's like every time we get a moment together, something happens."

"Screw the timing," he replied, breathless himself.

Their mouths met once again, and they continued to melt away with the snow.


Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable media or characters mentioned here. All histories and cultural aspects of the Quileute tribe belong to them.