chapter 6: glass / stone


remind me why we're taking a break

it's obviously insane

'cause we both know what we want

so why don't we fall in love?

baby, let's be in love


Autumn hit Leah like a tidal wave—unshakable and unrepentant.

Her favorite season officially concluded with the rain making a brutal comeback just two days after she returned from the Cascades. School started up again soon after. The halcyon summer filled with bonfires, movie dates, and late-night meetups with Sam near the beach turned into Associate Student Body meetings, basketball practices (for the varsity team, no less), and Trigonometry problems in the blink of an eye.

Junior year got even busier when she threw a job into the mix. A car fund, a college fund, and new game day Jordans came at a steep price, so Leah took up a job at Cora's diner in Forks, where she killed time by hosting on Friday nights and the weekends. With Sam being a senior now and working more school nights and the weekends, their schedules rarely aligned outside of the confines and responsibilities of school. By early November, the pages of Leah's color-coordinated planner of calendars started to bleed with ink, the boxes crammed with the excessive details of her excessive responsibilities. The days flew by.

Time only temporarily stopped racing last night, the Saturday before her seventeenth birthday. That November night, she'd gone ice-skating in Port Angeles with Sam, Emily, Joseph, and Andy, who hadn't minded being a fifth wheel since he'd intended on picking up a date at the rink to prove a point to Joseph. (He didn't have much success.)

Sometime after falling onto her butt yet again, Emily helped Leah up like when they'd been five and six years old, and they hooked arms before proceeding to slowly glide on the ice.

"I'm glad you came tonight, Lee-Lee," Emily told her. "I know you don't like being in situations where you're not the best at a sport."

"You know me so well," Leah replied, smiling.

"Do you feel any older?" Em wondered.

Leah clutched her cousin's arm tightly, not allowing herself to fall again. "I don't know," she admitted. "This might be the first time since September where time slowed down enough for me to think about it. I feel right where I'm supposed to be. Not any older, though."

"I love that for you, Lee."

Leah ended up falling again, but she took it—along with the multitude of other bruises she'd accumulated—with pride. Time had finally moved at the right pace that night.

Even with all her busyness and the rare ice-skating trip, at least her schedule remained solid and predictable. Sunday night dinners existed as one aspect of this.

Sue, Harry, and Charlie had been running around making sure that Billy never felt alone for too long since the twins had departed and Jacob started spending more time with his friends, Quil and Embry. Harry also would meet up with Billy and Old Quil every now and then, since August. But between Friday night fish fry sessions, Saturday game day get-togethers, and Sunday night dinners, Billy never had a dull weekend or a fridge void of leftovers.

This chilly Sunday night in November, the day after Leah went ice-skating, Billy insisted on cooking dinner. He had a "super-secret spaghetti recipe" that he swore had been passed down for generations, but he couldn't fool Leah; Ragu hadn't been around for that long.

With her brain half-melted from an early shift at Cora's along with Trig homework she'd rushed to finish before heading to Billy's, Leah grabbed her serving of pasta from the kitchen and pulled up her seat at the table, sitting between Seth and Jacob. Stuck at work, Sam wouldn't be showing up tonight.

Leah still couldn't believe that her parents, Billy, and Charlie never ran out of things to talk about for as much time as they spent together. That kind of rapport must have come with age.

"Did Renee ever get back to you?" Harry asked Charlie.

Leah held her breath. Shit, here we go.

Charlie took a long gulp from his can of Rainier beer and shifted in his seat. His whole demeanor turned sour every single time somebody brought up Renee, his ex-wife and the mother of his only child. It didn't happen often in the times Leah had spent around him all her life, but it occurred enough for her to feel secondhand embarrassment for Charlie.

The splintered fragments of his and Renee's relationship could be described as both fascinating and exhausting. Harry, Billy, and especially Sue always took his side whenever a new, odd situation popped up with Renee, but Leah had known since childhood that Sue merely didn't like that woman. Still, other people's drama remained Leah's guilty pleasure, especially when Billy and Charlie alone gossiped like old ladies.

"She called me back this morning, actually," Charlie replied. He didn't attempt to hide his annoyance. "Just got back to Phoenix from a weeklong yoga retreat in the Sonoma Valley."

"Some priorities she's got," Sue muttered.

"And what'd she say?" Billy prompted.

"It's official," Charlie answered. "Bella's moving up here in January."

"It's about goddamn time," Sue said a bit louder after eating a bite of pasta. "I just wish they decided that sooner. Moving to a new town in the middle of the new semester's not gonna be easy for Bella."

"You're telling me. Renee's got some big opportunity to travel the world with the baseball player or whatever, so…"

"The minor league baseball player," Harry corrected him.

"Right," Charlie said with a scoff. "But you're right, Sue—this all could've been timed better. She keeps saying it was Bella's decision to move, but I'm not buying it. The kid's gonna be graduating in a year and half, for crying out loud."

"Maybe Bella's looking for a change of scenery," Harry suggested. "She just might like it here."

"I hope so," Charlie replied. "But what if it's too big of an adjustment? She just turned seventeen in September, so I don't wanna hover, but I don't wanna be too hands-off either."

"The girl's used to hands-off parenting with Renee and look how that turned out," Sue pointed out. "But at the end of the day, she's still a smart kid. She'll be okay here, or at least better here than in Phoenix."

All this talk of the police chief's daughter pulled up distant memories from Leah's early childhood. She and Bella Swan hadn't hung out much as kids. For one, Bella would spend a maximum of five minutes playing outside with the other kids before throwing a tantrum to get out of it. Leah had never seen such a severe case of Only Child Syndrome—she could confidently say that didn't see herself reconnecting with Bella in January.

As if that mattered, anyway.

"You can be a little more hands-off by getting her a car, so she can get out more," Billy advised Charlie.

"And where is this car gonna come from?" Charlie quipped.

"My driveway, old man! I'll sell you the old Chevy pickup so you can go ahead and give it to Bella as a homecoming gift."

"You sure about that?"

Billy nodded. "Oh, I'm sure. There's no way in hell the girls are gonna come back for it, I've got my own truck, and Jake's building his own car, anyway. The Chevy's taking up space and I could use the cash."

"It still runs, right?" Charlie asked, his tone wary.

"You think I'd give you a broken truck?" Billy retorted with a hearty laugh. "I'm not gonna lie to you and say it goes past fifty-five miles an hour, but it still runs fine. Jake's been on top of maintenance."

Leah stifled a laugh. The truck used to be able to go faster than fifty-five miles an hour, back when the twins first got it, but Rebecca had driven the machine like an absolute maniac, so that hadn't lasted long. Not even Jacob would want that old dinosaur after all that it had been through.

"Then you've got yourself a deal," Charlie told Billy. "This really takes a lot off my plate. Now I only have to worry about dealing with all the hooligans in town."

"Tell me about it," Sue agreed with a sigh. "We would've never recovered from last weekend without Dr. Cullen working overtime with us over at the ER. I swear, that man does not get tired."

Leah had stuck around to hear Sue drone on about last weekend's disaster in the emergency department only a hundred other times now. Last Saturday night, the Newton boys and their friends had rented a spacious cabin in the woods near Forks to throw a huge, Halloween-themed rager that had attendees hailing from all over the Olympic Peninsula. Clallam County hadn't seen a party that major in years.

Not having recuperated from her major party foul after prom, Leah had skipped the Halloween party altogether in favor of a slasher marathon at Sam's house, but Kim had filled her in on the messy details the following Monday morning at school.

"Damn, I almost wish I went," she'd confessed to Kim after hearing said messy details.

"Me too," Kim had said. "With all the crazy shit that happened, nobody would've even remembered seeing your left boob back in May. This party was like that but times twenty."

"I mean, nobody actually saw my left boob, though." Leah had paused in the hallway to glance at Kim. "Right?"

"Yeah, totally."

In the end, Leah's old party foul didn't hold a single flame to the wild shit that other kids had done before getting arrested or hospitalized.

"For every kid getting their stomach pumped that night, we had damn near ten other ones getting charged with a misdemeanor," Charlie recalled now, shaking his head. "It's a good thing Dr. Cullen's kids weren't there. They stay out of trouble—must've been raised right."

"They seem like good kids," Sue said, taking a sip from her beer can before her tone dipped into sarcasm. "After all, Dr. Cullen is just so perfect, of course his family is perfect too. You should see all the other nurses swooning over him. It's been nonstop since he and his family moved to town in August. He's quite the charmer."

Charlie chuckled. "Can't say you're wrong about that. The nurses really love Carlisle over there. If only they knew he was married."

"They know he's married—they just don't care 'cause Mrs. Cullen's such a class act about it all."

"It's a good thing you can't be dazzled by Dr. Cullen," Harry reminded Sue.

"Don't you worry, babe. I'm immune," she promised him with an affectionate smile.

Sue and Charlie continued to laugh over how quickly Dr. and Mrs. Cullens' charm had bewitched the entire Forks community while Billy and Harry quickly grew visibly perturbed.

"I don't know about those Cullens," Billy muttered, never one to hold back his tongue. "They seem like bad news."

"C'mon, man, you're still acting funny towards them?" Sue asked him once her laughter died down.

Billy shook his head. "I'm not acting funny—I just don't like what they're giving off. Never have."

"Since they moved down here, all that family has done is mind their own business and pay their taxes," Charlie insisted. "Give 'em a break."

"I don't give a damn about any of that," Billy replied. "It's all just peculiar as hell. What kind of rich guy moves his family to Forks, of all places, knowing he could work in any major hospital in the country and make at least twice the salary? It doesn't make a lick of sense."

For whatever Harry didn't say in words, he expressed with his eyes in the quickest flash of apprehension that Leah had ever seen. Sue seemed to catch it but still appeared confused herself. Leah glanced at Jacob since she'd never noticed Billy outwardly having this much beef with a family as random as the Cullens; Jacob lowered his eyes. This kind of discussion must have occurred often here.

Charlie didn't back down. "Maybe you should get to know 'em before saying all that," he said to Billy, his tone more serious now. "They've only been here a couple of months."

"Just like how you've gotten to know 'em, right?" Billy challenged. "Or are you just on their payroll?"

"All I'm saying is that you don't have to talk about the Cullens just because they're new to town. Let 'em live."

Billy's dismissive response came out quickly. "You'd know if I wasn't letting 'em live. I just don't trust that family."

"Whatever you say, old man."

"Can't blame me for keeping it real." Billy shrugged his shoulders.

Exasperated, Charlie asked, "Why do you always gotta get the last word in, Bill? Huh?"

Sue spoke up now, ending the banter before it could continue. "Alright, that's enough!" she exclaimed. "Jeez! You two bicker like an old-ass married couple."

And with that, the Cullens weren't mentioned at the dinner table for the rest of the night. Jacob wore an apologetic look on his face the entire time.


Leah jolted awake the next morning with the shadows threatening her life and cold sweat dripping from her hairline. Once she checked to make sure her Spider-Man nightlight had survived and used her flashlight to cover all her bases, she collapsed back onto her pillows with a sigh. Then it dawned on her.

She had officially taken seventeen trips around the sun.

She didn't feel too different about it. Maybe it'd hit harder whenever she'd get her driver's license.

Leah opted to take the bus to school today. She usually caught a ride with Sam, but he'd stayed late closing at the Thriftway last night. Despite his best efforts to take her to school on her birthday, she'd fought him over it on the phone last night and insisted that he skip first period to catch up on sleep. Her feelings wouldn't get too bruised; she had so many things going on at school that she could live without seeing him until later in the day.

Still, they worked Sam to death at that store. In exchange for working more hours, Sam had quit the National Honor Society and his side gig of tutoring. His manager at the store had little respect for his status as a high school senior, a teenager, and a boyfriend. The whole situation got on her nerves.

Leah wished that he would quit the Thriftway and get a part-time job somewhere less demanding, but he had bills to help with around the house. He'd been working hard practically since the day his dad walked out on him and his mother. Sam swore up and down that he didn't mind working so much, and that he still functioned without adequate sleep, but Leah saw right through him. Functioning without adequate sleep stared right back at her every morning in the mirror, and she never skipped first period because of it. She and Sam had been built differently in that regard; he seemed to be made of glass while she had been cut from stone. Other times, it felt like the other way around.

The morning of her seventeenth birthday began like any other morning this autumn. With a varsity state of mind and her fear of the dark turning her into an even earlier riser, she switched up her morning routine. Most mornings, she ran; others, she practiced her shooting at the basketball court near First Beach. She had no problem with the breeziness—in fact, this fall didn't feel that cold, anyway—so she'd be better off brushing up on her skills in these quiet moments.

After returning home from the beach and being left without any hot water (all thanks to the thirteen-year-old, water-hogging goblin she called her brother), Leah speedily got ready for school, just barely catching the bus. When Seth didn't catch a ride with Leah and Sam, he sat on the bus with his seventh grade friends. He didn't change his ways today, and Leah utilized the bus ride by going over her Trig notes from last night's assignment.

Monday morning carried on like she'd expected it to, with happy birthday messages thrown her way by her peers in the midst of class or during passing periods. By the time she got to her locker at lunchtime, she must've heard those words fifty times, but they didn't hit the same as when Sam told her. He meant them the most.

She opened her locker to trade out her textbooks, and the image of her and Sam she'd taped on the door stared back at her—one of the many, many pictures her mom had taken of them back at prom six months ago. She remembered donning a fake smile to disguise the discomfort of the heels Sue made her wear, but Sam had been so sweet with her. So accommodating. Between bringing her Chucks, reassuring her that he was all about her despite her calling him corny, and making sure that she didn't crash after hitting her head on a chandelier… he'd been everything that night. He hadn't missed a step.

She had so much she wanted to say to him. The words always lingered on the tip of her tongue, but every time she got close to him, she couldn't articulate them.

Leah looked up from the photo in her locker to find Sam's current face peeking out from the crowd of their schoolmates in the hallway. Even from far away, she could detect the stark differences between then and now—he didn't look as soft in the face, or as youthful or well-rested like he used to. But she didn't care about any of that. These days, they had to fight to spend time together, and he'd shown up just like she'd expected him to.

Instead of turning to the cafeteria like the rest of the students, he stopped at her locker. Her expression brightened as hers did.

"Hey, hot stuff," she greeted him. "It's about time you showed your face 'round here."

With slightly tired eyes and a jovial smile to make up for it, Sam pulled her into a tight embrace. "Of course I was gonna show my face. Happy birthday, Lee-Lee." Then they joined in a kiss, stealthy enough for a nearby faculty member to not complain to them about it but sweet enough to make her a little lightheaded when they pulled away.

She only noticed the gift bag in his hand once they separated. "What's all this?"

He handed the bag to her. "Not much. Just a little something for my favorite person."

"Can I open it now?" she asked with curious eyebrows.

He laughed. "Go right ahead."

She smirked at him as she removed the newspaper sheets surrounding the present, but her smirk turned into a gasp once she unveiled the present. "Shut up," she uttered as she held the most precious gift she'd ever received: a brand-new CD player in sunshine yellow (her favorite color) with earbuds to match. Real earbuds, not just headphones, so they could listen together sometime.

The gifts couldn't have arrived at a more convenient time, and she knew that he knew this. Two weeks ago, she'd made the grave mistake of trying to fold laundry and listen to music at the same time, and her old CD player had crashed to the ground, destroying everything but the disk inside. Her outdated headphones, already on their last leg, had no use without a CD player.

"You like it?" Sam asked her.

"Are you freakin' kidding? I love it!" She pulled him in for the hug this time, causing him to almost lose his footing. "Thanks so much for this."

"You're welcome, baby. Wanna grab lunch?"

She carefully tucked the gifts back into her locker. "You beat me to it. I was gonna ask you first," she said.

He bent his neck down to kiss her again, and she didn't care when a teacher gave them the ultimate threat of detention. She didn't want it to end.

Lunch existed as one of the only times they got to see each other during the week outside of Physics class and study hall, where they stressed out over quizzes and the upcoming county science fair. But lunch only lasted thirty minutes, and they'd already spent five of them snogging at her locker. They had priorities, after all.

And yet, once the kisses and soft touches ended in favor of the school's PDA policy, she couldn't get over how much this felt like ninth grade all over again except worse, especially since she'd grown so attached to the kid. The truth couldn't be more obvious: She had it bad for Sam, with an ocean-deep love for him that she didn't even know where to begin when it came to admitting it aloud.

An unmistakable feeling of yearning stuck with her for the rest of the school day.


That same yearning feeling proved itself enduring throughout the rest of the autumn, along with winter, as Leah's free time failed to line up with Sam's free time. The fact that she had no opportunities to vent about this to her best friends didn't help her cause either.

She still hadn't heard from the twins since they'd left La Push behind in their dust. She only wanted a sign that they were alive, that WSU and Hawaii and honors courses and surfer boyfriends treated them well, that their inclination to leave home behind had been for the best. She wished Rachel would call, at least; Rachel didn't have the excuse of being across the Pacific Ocean.

Then again, Leah supposed that their new homes couldn't be that bad if they hadn't bothered to reach out to her at all. She hoped that they remained busy and inspired, but she still missed them. The longer she waited to hear from the twins, the more Leah wanted one more night with her fierce fortress, her girl group without the music. She wanted nothing more than to gossip with them, eat Fruit Gushers, and apply a face mask that would inevitably transform her minor acne into third-degree burns.

Of course, she still had Emily, but, besides their ice-skating excursion, it could be difficult to make plans with her these days. Leah felt like a detour whenever her cousin came down to La Push. She still got to try Em's new baked treats first, but it had grown evident that she primarily visited La Push to see Joseph. Leah could see why—Emily adored the guy. He'd set her free from her curse, after all. They made it look like a fairy tale.

Leah and Sam, on the other hand, still had to work to make their respective planets align.

Their frisky summer culminating in an even friskier camping trip had long passed, but instead of spontaneous dates and late nights in his car, apologies characterized most of November, December, and January. They'd entered a state of being star-crossed, but in an annoying way, not in the cute way that they used to joke about back when they'd first gone official.

He'd have to miss out on their Physics study sessions to go to work; she'd grow impatient and start their joint science fair project without him so they'd at least have a chance. He'd have to study for a make-up exam instead of going to her big varsity basketball game against Forks High; she'd run late at practice, causing her to miss an important dinner with him and his mom to celebrate her new job as an overnight receptionist at the Forks Community Hospital.

Leah and Sam had dropped the ball on each other, but they still made sure to kiss and make up later. The vast majority of kissing, making up, and hooking up occurred during winter break, in the rare moments when either of them would be left home alone.

She appreciated those rare moments, but, deep down, she yearned for another camping trip and all that it encompassed. She craved the feeling of his weight on top of her, his skin caressing hers. More than anything else, she coveted waking up in his arms, when she'd temporarily forget the darkness.

In these star-crossed months, Leah discovered that Sam had been cut from glass while she had been carved from stone, and the frequent apologies—often initiated by Sam—made this more apparent. She knew he had a lot going on, and she didn't want to make things any harder on him. She preferred not to keep score, but she also didn't know how to tell him that the distance growing between them started to hurt, and that the twins' absence hurt her on top of that.

She'd never been so hesitant to speak her mind in her entire life.

January called for early morning study dates before school, solely for finalizing their county science fair project, a Biochemistry collaboration where they sought to synthesize aspirin with natural acid catalysts in place of mineral sulfuric acid. They had run the experiment a dozen times now; only the final draft of their report remained incomplete.

This chilly Friday morning in late January, they entered school together early (with Seth tagging along) only to separate. As Seth darted to the cafeteria, Sam headed to the science lab while Leah made a beeline for her locker so she could grab her notes.

"Hey, girl," a familiar voice greeted her.

Leah turned to find Kim, a sophomore now, approaching her. She squinted at the clock on the other side of the hallway—Kim never showed up to school any sooner than minutes before homeroom unless Coach D posted the new girls basketball rosters, but they'd already solidified their spots on the varsity team back in October.

"You're here early," Leah observed, shutting her locker once she retrieved her notes. "Oh, wait, did you get a new phone?"

Kim held up her Nokia brick phone swathed in a bright red case, though Leah didn't understand why she'd gotten a case at all when those phones could survive being thrown off a cliff. "It was a late birthday present," she said. "I was just looking for you. Can we talk in the locker room real quick?"

"About your new phone…?"

"No, something else."

"Sure," Leah replied with wary eyes. "I've gotta work on my science project with Sam in a little bit, though."

"That's fine," Kim assured her. "It'll be, like, two minutes."

As they walked to the girls locker room, Leah recalled the last time Kim had led her somewhere without giving too many details. It had resulted in a grand gesture from Sam. Leah ran through the calendar in her head—her birthday had passed, they'd already celebrated two years together over winter break, and he already knew that she found Valentine's Day beyond lame. Even then, what the hell would Sam be doing in the girls locker room?

The girls stopped in their corner on the far end of the locker room—the same corner where they hyped each other up before every home game and spent sweaty halftime periods huddled up with their teammates, where Coach D would run their plays on her clipboard in her scratchy handwriting.

Leah leaned back against a wall of lockers while Kim sat down on the old wooden bench across from her.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you before you found out from someone else," Kim added.

"Um, cryptic much?" Leah's stomach began to twist, but she crossed her arms to conceal her discomfort. "What's going on?"

Kim's wide brown eyes held a scary sense of seriousness. "Are you emotionally prepared to receive information that will probably ruin your entire day?"

Leah instinctively clenched her jaw. "I guess I am now."

"Don't shoot the messenger, but there's some stuff going around about you and Sam."

"What is it?"

"From what I heard, Sam told Andy who told Nick who Jodi who told Gabby who told Syd who told Nikki who told Matt who told Jared who told Paul who told me…"—she paused to take a breath—"…that he's gonna break up with you by the end of the semester."

Leah's jaw remained clenched. "Why the hell would he do that?"

"Something about you not putting out."

Leah's spiral notebook started to fold under the sudden pressure of her hands. "You're joking, right?"

"I swear to god I'm not joking."

The metal spiral dug into her sweaty palm now, and her face began to scorch. "Well, who does Andy think he is to be running his mouth, anyway?" she shot, her voice shaky yet dripping with bitterness. "Especially about me and Sam! Andy had, like, ten whole years to get with Rebecca and she still ditched him for some guy she just met."

"I know, right? It's just so strange. I mean, I thought you and Sam were solid."

Leah's bitter tone didn't subside. "I thought we were too." She paused. "Hey, can you not tell anybody about this? I'm sure everybody here and at Forks High has probably already heard by this point, but still."

Kim nodded her head. "Yeah. I just wanted to let you know before you found out from someone else, that's all."

"Good looking out." Leah stood up from the wall of lockers, wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans before poorly attempting to straighten out her notebook.

"So what are you gonna do now?" Kim asked her, getting up from the bench.

"I'm gonna go find Sam and figure out why he thinks it's okay for him to say that shit about me."

With a crack in her emotional armor and her throat feeling tight, Leah slung her backpack over her shoulder and exited the locker room before the tears could fall.


Leah's initial anger—the fiery anger that ruined her entire day, as predicted by Kim—cooled down into an icy state of being pissed off by the time the final bell rang at the end of the school day.

She had chickened out of confronting Sam that morning after Kim gave her the heads-up in the locker room, instead opting to briefly angry-cry in the restroom on the far end of school and splash cool water on her face before entering first period five minutes late. Since then, under what felt like all of her schoolmates' watchful eyes, she'd spent the entire day contemplating whether she should address Sam and his alleged plans in front of everybody. She figured he deserved it for telling Andy, a notorious motormouth of the rez, but the words didn't come easily to her, and the last thing she needed was to choke up.

They went to his house after school to work on their report for the science fair, which would take place next weekend. They already ran further behind than they'd intended since she'd ditched him this morning, so they didn't even properly utilize the hour of alone time they'd have before Allison would come home from work.

After Sam closed the bedroom door behind them, Leah perched herself on the corner of his neatly folded green comforter, hugging her backpack to her chest. Sam sat down at his old desk and booted up his computer. He'd been saving up cash for months to buy the semi-clunky yet totally functional CPU to go with the monitor, keyboard, mouse, headphones, and speakers he'd spent all of last year acquiring. But Leah had beaten him to the punch, gifting him the CPU for Christmas before he could buy it for himself.

Now, Leah sort of hated how happy he looked to start up that computer. It only chipped away at the crack in her emotional armor.

"This weekend we should try that new barbecue spot in Forks," Sam began. He glanced at her. "Matt says their ribs are hella good—wait, are you okay?"

"I'm not, actually," Leah responded curtly, "since I heard you're gonna break up with me."

His brows knit in confusion. "Huh?"

"Don't play with me, Samson Uley," she warned, narrowing her eyes. She hadn't uttered his entire first name since their night in the tent. That night seemed so far away now.

He turned away from his computer entirely, in shock. "Wow, my government name? I'm not playing with you, Lee—I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Really?" Her voice began to shake now, but that wouldn't stop her from getting her point across. She took a breath before proceeding. "I freakin' trusted you when we hooked up on our camping trip, or I at least trusted that you weren't gonna run off and tell Andy about how bad you wanted me to put out even though you said you were okay with it back then! I mean, I thought I was being pretty generous when we hooked up. It was a big deal for me, and I'm only half a virgin now, so I really don't appreciate how—"

"No, no, no, hold up," Sam interjected. "You really think I told Andy I was gonna break up with you?"

"That's what I heard."

"From who? Kim?"

"Why does it even matter who I heard it from?" she demanded, not letting him get a word in. "If you're gonna break up with me over something that stupid, then freakin' do it already, 'cause I have a science fair project to finish."

"I never said any of that," he asserted. "Andy must've gotten my words all twisted when I was hanging out with him last weekend, but I would never say that about you, and it's super weird that you even think I would."

"But you said something about me." She clutched her backpack tighter. "So what'd you tell him?"

"I sure as hell didn't say I was gonna break up with you because you wouldn't sleep with me."

She bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood before repeating, "Then what'd you tell him, Sam?"

He paused, but Leah's eyes continued to burn into his. "I told him that I thought you were gonna break up with me because you wouldn't wanna put up with me anymore," he finally clarified. "And it had nothing to do with the time we went camping."

Oh. "What? Why wouldn't I wanna put up with you?" she demanded with narrowed eyes.

He sighed. "I don't know, Leah. We've been pretty distant these days. Since winter break, we've only really hung out for homework and our science fair project. I know things have been hard without the twins around too—I see how you've been lately. But that doesn't mean we've gotta be so distant with each other."

She loosened her grip on her backpack and leaned forward on his bed. "Sam…" she began softly. "We've just been super busy, you know? With school and work. Whatever I've been doing to make you feel that way, I'm sorry."

"It's just that I've been trying," he added, "but I don't get the same feeling from you sometimes. I mean, shit, you've gotta make time for the people you love, right? I know I'm trying to make time."

Her heart dropped into her stomach. "Go ahead and tell me how you really feel."

"Leah, I wanna be with you more than anything in the world," he added, his tone serious.

"But?" Please don't say anything, please don't say anything…

"But sometimes, I just don't feel like you want the same thing," he admitted.

The knot in her throat made its presence more apparent.

It seemed like every time she tried to vocalize the right words, they got so complicated and jumbled up in her head before they had a chance of making it to her vocal cords. She wished he could get inside her mind to read her thoughts, just once, so he could make sense of all the chaos while she still tried to figure it out herself. He had a knack for that, while being tongue-tied seemed to be a new character flaw for her.

She choked her words out. "Baby, I—I just don't know. This is kind of a lot for me right now."

"Well, do you wanna break up?" he asked her with vulnerable eyes. "'Cause it's a lot for me too."

There it is, she thought. Maybe I'm the one who's made of glass, after all.

Her tone turned defensive. "So that's it? You just wanna break up? It's that easy for you?"

"No part of this is easy for me." He took a deep breath. "But I need to know."

"I guess I just don't know, Sam!" Her backpack began to slide off his bed, but she caught it with quick hands. Even quicker, she started to put her shoes back on. "I think I just need a little bit of time."

"Time for what?"

"I just need time. I'll just see you later, okay?"

"And what about the project?" he asked, and she could see the hurt in his deep brown eyes. "We're presenting next weekend."

"It's basically done, right?"

"Not the report," he answered.

"We'll figure it out."

"We can't hold it off forever."

She stood up from the bed now, her emotional armor obliterated. "I didn't say anything about forever."

"Uh, alright. Just call me this weekend, okay?"

"We'll see."

She didn't call him, quickly growing aware that her inaction would turn the next couple of days into the longest weekend ever. Thankfully, work kept her busy in the first half of the weekend, but she could only remain distracted for so long.

Cora let Leah clock out of work early on Sunday afternoon due to the entire town staying home to watch the playoffs, so Leah took the bus back to the rez and immediately called Kim when she got home. Emily and Joseph already had plans to watch the playoffs together in Neah Bay, and Leah couldn't convince herself to take a bus for over an hour to be a third wheel at a time like this. Besides, Kim lived not too far down the road, even though she ran notoriously late.

"Hoops or homework?" Leah asked into the phone as she slipped off her sneakers.

"Well, we've got that away game against Montesano Thursday," Kim answered, "but I heard their starting point guard tore her ACL and needs to get surgery, so we should be fine."

"God, that's brutal."

"It is what it is. I'm way behind on Chem, anyway. Do you wanna hit the library?"

"Nah, you can come over. My parents are at Charlie's for football, so Sunday night dinner's canceled—it's just me and Seth here."

"Okay, let me just get my stuff together and I'll be there soon."

"See ya," Leah replied, fully aware that soon translated to no less than half an hour in Kim's language.

Kim showed up to the Clearwaters' front door an hour and ten minutes later with a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza to make up for her tardiness. Leah, perpetually in the mood to avoid homework, didn't mind.

"Hey, Lee," Kim greeted her as she handed Leah the pizza before taking off her backpack. "Did you get far on the Trig assignment? Hey, Seth." She waved at Leah's little brother, who waved back as he made a beeline for the pizza.

Leah set the cardboard box down on the kitchen table and then started to grab plates from the kitchen cabinet. "Not at all," she said. "I was waiting for you."

"Classic Leah," Kim murmured. "Oh, by the way, how did things go with Sam on Friday?"

"Way to cut to the chase." Leah set the plates beside the pizza. "But they, um, didn't. Things got kind of weird after school, and we haven't really talked since then."

"Wait, you and Sam broke up?!" Seth interjected. "Why?"

Leah glared at him. "Just get your pizza and mind your business, Seth."

"You could've warned me, you know," he muttered as he slid three slices onto his plate and sat down at the table. "I lost him too."

She rolled her eyes. "It's literally not even about you." She turned to Kim to avoid elaborating. "Want me to put on a movie?"

Kim began to scour her backpack, revealing three DVDs. "I'm glad you asked. 50 First Dates, The Notebook, or Napoleon Dynamite?"

"Well, I've already seen 50 First Dates and The Notebook is a no, so I guess that leaves us with Napoleon Dynamite."

"It's like you read my mind."

For the next eighty-two minutes, Leah tried to keep her mind occupied and far away from the topic of Sam, but at nearly every turn, she yearned for the phone to ring. Of course, Sam had explicitly told her to call him, but part of her still liked a challenge. She still liked when he reached out to her first.

The opportunity to test the depths of his waters intrigued her, and she'd be dishonest to claim that she didn't appreciate the validation that he still liked her. She'd done the same thing back at the prom after-party last May, and it had worked. Leah still preferred not to keep score when it came to Sam, but she wanted to wait for him to make his move first. She kept telling herself that if he cared, he would call.

But he never called.

Sometime after Napoleon Dynamite ended and long after Leah attempted to make the phone ring with her mind, she sat at the kitchen table with Kim with their notebooks and textbooks laid out to finally get some work done. Seth sat on the living room couch, shuffling UNO cards in his hands despite Leah telling him she didn't want to play just five minutes prior.

"Do you wanna play UNO now?" Seth asked.

Leah didn't look up from the Trig assignment she attempted to complete. Kim always let her copy her answers, so she didn't have to work too hard. "I already said no, Seth."

"Why not?"

"Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Busy copying Kim's homework maybe."

"Shut up."

Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door. Leah and Kim glanced at each other—they hadn't invited anybody else over. Leah assumed one of Seth's friends dropped by, maybe Collin or Brady.

Seth got up from the couch to answer the door, and Leah didn't bother to bring her attention to the entryway even though she wanted nothing more to see Sam, despite everything that had transpired. She still missed him in her orbit.

Leah's favorite voice—his voice—sounded timid yet self-assured. "Hey, Seth. Is Leah around?"

Seth took a step back from the door and looked at Leah.

No, she mouthed, shaking her head.

"She's not home," Seth told Sam.

"Okay," Sam replied, and Leah could visualize his expression since Seth couldn't lie to save his life. "Well, here's her copy of the final report. If she has any editing ideas, she can give me a call."

"I'll let her know," Seth replied. "Hey, are you still taking me to school in the morning?"

"Yeah, for sure."

"Sweet! See ya, bro."

"See you tomorrow."

Seth shut the door and returned to the kitchen table, handing Leah the report. "That was awkward."

She examined the report. The double-spaced pages had been neatly stapled together. She hadn't read it yet, but she knew he'd done everything right. The formatting looked perfect, and her name had even been listed first, for chronology, despite him completing the majority of the paper. She felt like a complete and utter asshole.

Before her sudden tears could ruin the pages, she tucked the report away into her half-demolished spiral notebook.


Another day of radio silence between Leah and Sam passed (under the guise of terrible compartmentalization on Leah's behalf), but life in La Push got a little more interesting by Tuesday morning.

To start, a blanket of snow covered the rez, Forks, and the road between them. But that wasn't even the worst of it. Every last drop of Monday night's rain had frozen over, leaving a dangerous sheet of ice on the roads. Neither the admins at QTS nor Forks High bothered to cancel school; instead, workers rushed to shovel snow out of the way, coat the icy roads with salt, and tie chains to the tires of all the school buses in an effort to keep the school day as normal as possible despite the weather conditions.

Just as Leah and Kim stepped off the bus and began to head into the school's main building, Kim paused at the doorway, gasping at her Nokia brick phone when she received the morbid news. "A crazy-ass car crash just happened at Forks High!"

The crazy-ass car crash remained the topic of conversation all day, and the rumors got even crazier. The only factual account being passed on was that Tyler Crowley, a kid who Leah knew to visit First Beach a lot, had lost control of his (mom's) van in the school parking lot and almost hit a new student. Some people said Tyler bled all over the parking lot and had to be rushed to the ER; others said the new girl cracked her head open after being pushed away from the van by another student.

Word not only traveled quickly around here, but it stuck too. At basketball practice, Leah's teammates discussed the car crash in between stretches and drills. By that point, everybody knew that the new student that Tyler had almost killed had been none other than Bella Swan—the same girl with a flighty, hands-off mom and an anxious dad who doubled as the chief of Forks' police department… or whatever Sue had said.

With most of the ice on the main road having melted from the salt after practice tonight, Leah volunteered to pick up her mother from work after dropping off Harry at Billy's, since Sunday night dinner had been moved to Tuesday this week. Harry sent Seth with Leah, to keep her honest.

Twenty-five minutes later, Leah pulled the family Honda Civic in towards the main entrance of the hospital, at the loading zone. Seth hopped into the backseat as they waited for their mother to exit the building.

Sue worked such crazy hours these days that it seemed like she spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else. Today, she'd been called in to work overtime, to cover another nurse in the emergency department.

"Goodness gracious, what a day," Sue sighed, lounging in the seat once she buckled up her seatbelt. "Dinner better be ready at Billy's by the time we get there. How was the drive?"

"Not bad," Seth answered. "Lee only ran two stop signs."

"Thanks for keeping it real, Seth," Leah grumbled as they pulled away from the hospital.

"Have you thought about waiting a year to get your license?" Sue asked her. "You won't have to take driver's ed that way, and you've had your permit for a while now."

"I'm thinking about taking driver's ed," Leah replied. "Sam says the classes are worth it if you really wanna drive."

She immediately wanted to kick herself for mentioning Sam. It happened too naturally for her.

"When are you guys gonna get back together?" Seth probed Leah. "He was still being awkward when he picked me up for school yesterday. He misses you."

In an attempt to take the attention away from her and Sam after nearly swerving the car, she ignored Seth and immediately made small-talk with Sue. "So, how was work today, Ma?" she asked as she turned onto the main road.

"Pretty crazy," Sue replied. "I'm just glad I can sleep in a little tomorrow. There was a bad car accident at Forks High this morning, so I treated a couple of kids today. The whole school followed them to the ER. It was a whole production."

"Is Tyler okay?" Leah asked.

"I can't confirm nor deny that I treated your friend today, Leah," Sue told her, her voice tired.

"Why not?"

"HIPAA."

"So is the patient who shall not be named okay?" Leah tried.

"Oh, he's fine. Just a few cuts, nothing we couldn't patch up," Sue confirmed. "Another student—the one who almost got run over—hit her head on the ground when she got pushed out of the way by another student, but they're fine too. Those kids all got super lucky today. It could've been a lot worse."

Leah nodded. "Everyone at school made it sound like a way bigger deal."

"They always do."

The rest of the trip to Billy's house was quiet, save for Sade playing idly on the stereo and Sue softly humming along.

The evening livened up again once Leah, Sue, and Seth entered Billy's warm home, being greeted by the savory smell of beef stir-fry. Leah and Seth caught up with Jacob while Harry and Billy welcomed Sue with a cold beer.

"Charlie's not coming tonight," Harry informed Sue. "Probably tending to Bella. Did you hear? She got hit by a bus over at the high school."

"No, it was a van," Leah corrected him. "She didn't get hit, though."

"And there goes HIPAA," Sue deadpanned.

Dinner didn't last long. Leah hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary, but once she got home, she realized it far too late. Sue cornered her after excusing Harry and Seth to the house, asking them to check the mailbox first. Leah and Sue remained in the car—they occupied the front seats, allowing Leah to get the most practice in the driver's seat. Sue had promised her it would be a short chat, but she couldn't be too sure. Leah kept the engine on so the hot air from the vents could keep flowing throughout the car.

"Was my driving that bad?" Leah asked her mother. "'Cause I thought it was decent."

"Your driving is okay—you just need to stop running stop signs." Sue then wasted no time cutting to the chase. "So, what's going on with you and Sam? You've had that funny look on your face since Seth mentioned him earlier."

"I'm not making a face," Leah lied. "I just look like this."

"What's going on?" her mother repeated.

Leah resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but only because she sat in her mother's presence. She grimaced. "Things with Sam are a little complicated right now."

Sue raised an eyebrow. "Complicated? That's what's got you so awkward?"

"Um, yeah."

Sue casually dropped an atomic bomb of a question. "Do you guys need more condoms?"

"What?" Leah blurted out. "No! We're not even using the ones you gave me."

"Is teen pregnancy a joke to you, Leah?" Sue demanded, thoroughly offended. "Because I just treated a sixteen-year-old who needed a CT scan back in September, but she couldn't get it because it turned out she was—"

Leah couldn't have wished for the universe to throw a stray meteor her way any faster. "No! Well. What I mean is—" she stammered before pausing to get her words together while she still prayed for that meteor. "Ugh. Okay. Me and Sam just aren't even having sex like that. That's it."

"Like what? Actually, no. We don't have to talk about it, just as long as it's consensual and safe. My sister already went through this whole thing with Emily."

Leah nodded, having had a variation of this talk more times before than she'd ever wanted. But at least he could count on her mother always having something to say, for better or worse.

"But let me just say this," Sue added. "If you and Sam break up—or already broke up—because you're not sleeping with him, then he's not worth it, and I'll be well within my rights to bust his kneecaps."

"I know, Ma," Leah sighed. "We didn't break up, though; I just stopped talking to him. You don't have to bust any kneecaps."

"Fair enough. But if you're thinking of breaking up with him for whatever reason, you need to let him know. It's the right thing to do."

"I know," she repeated.

"I can tell you like him a lot, sweetie," Sue went on, "and I can tell he really likes you too, but you can't keep just him in the dark. That never works. And besides, your brother already said it—Sam misses you."

Leah nodded once again, beyond aware of the truth and fatigued from it growing increasingly obvious with every new interaction she had with somebody. She braced for Sue to keep talking, to keep making her feel bad for ignoring Sam despite loving him so deeply, so intrinsically, that she didn't even know how to express it in words.

Thankfully, the preservation of gasoline outweighed Sue's need to provide more advice that Leah didn't ask for. Moments later, they turned off the car and went back into the house.


The next morning, Wednesday, Leah returned from practicing her three-pointers to find Sue at the kitchen table, mixing a sliced banana into her bowl of oatmeal as she read today's issue of the Peninsula Daily News. Harry had already left for work, and Seth remained asleep.

Leah waved to her mom before setting the basketball down in the coat closet and heading to the bathroom to get ready for school.

"Hey, you've got something here," Sue said, stopping her in her tracks.

"Cool," Leah replied. "I never get mail."

Without looking up from the newspaper, Sue held out an envelope with Leah's name on it. When Leah took a closer look, she saw familiar swirly handwriting and a return address in Honolulu.

Ecstatic that Rebecca had remembered she was alive, Leah quickly opened the envelope, which contained a folded letter and two photographs. She figured she should probably read the letter first, but one of the photos threw her so far off that she nearly dropped everything.

It had gotten that serious.

Rebecca and her surfer boyfriend Solomon embraced each other on a sandy beach in front of the bluest, clearest water Leah had ever seen, even from the picture. Solomon wore a white dress shirt and khakis while Rebecca wore a flowing, off-the-shoulder white dress, and they both stood barefoot. They wore leis and beaming smiles, looking like an advertisement for an all-inclusive resort.

There's no freaking way…

Leah flipped over the photo to find a caption written in purple ink: A Christmas wedding in Hawaii!

"Oh my god!" she gasped.

"What happened?" Sue asked, not looking up from the paper.

Leah wordlessly handed the picture to Sue and then unfolded the letter, where Rebecca's sprawling handwriting filled the page:

My dearest Lee-Lee,

I miss you like crazy. I hope things are going well for you right now. Junior year is harder than senior year. You'll make it through. I just know you're kicking ass on the basketball team and with all your science stuff. I hope your parents and Seth are doing well too. I miss your dad's fish fry so much. He should send some in the mail.

I still can't believe I live in Hawaii, of all places. When I spent all that time thinking about leaving La Push, I was thinking of California or maybe even somewhere on the east coast. But this is for the best. Me and Solomon just moved out of his uncle's place and into an apartment downtown. We're still getting settled. We're looking for the right couch and trying to get our phone set up. Sol's been so good to me, though. He's still surfing. I just started a part-time job at a hotel, but I don't think I can work in hospitality forever. The tourists here are so entitled, it's ridiculous. I'm gonna get a second job soon. This one club nearby really wants me to dance for them (they said I have "the look"), but I don't think I could be a go-go dancer even though I'd probably be good at it. What if my dad finds out? I'll never hear the end of it.

In case you haven't seen the picture I sent yet, me and Sol got married! We did it on a whim. (Rachel, my dad, and Jake all got pictures too, so don't worry.) That day was probably the happiest day of my entire life. We had a beach wedding. On Christmas Day! I'll send you more pictures once I get them developed. You and Sam need to come down here to visit us sometime, maybe when me and Sol renew our vows. I miss you guys. You'll love it here.

I feel so much better, like I'm supposed to be here. I've been painting again and I haven't painted since 1999. I haven't felt this connected to my mom since she passed. I can breathe again, and I haven't heard back from Rach yet, but I bet she feels the same. It's cool how much better life gets when you stop feeling so haunted all the time.

I wanted to wait until I finished to show you my painting, but I got too excited at my progress. Make sure to write back to me as soon as you can since you have my address now!

Miss you and love you,

Beck.

Leah finally looked at the other picture now, a snapshot of a half-finished oil painting of what she made out to be a sunset. As happy as she felt that Rebecca had taken up painting again, Leah also couldn't have felt further away from her.

"She looks just like her mama here," Sue observed, still staring at the wedding photograph. "Sarah was pregnant with the twins in her wedding pictures, though. She had no idea at the time." She chuckled.

Leah glanced at her mother, prepared for the tears, but Sue didn't cry now. She just smiled at the picture of Rebecca and her surfer boyfriend—no, her surfer husband—on the beach.

"I'm surprised you're not crying," she said.

Sue's smile lines perked up. "It's too early."

"How did you get over it?" Leah wondered. "Auntie Sarah's passing, I mean."

"Sweetie, it's not something you just get over," Sue told her. "Not with how it happened and how Billy and the kids took it." Her voice turned sad, harking back to 1999. "You never forget something like that, let alone get over it. I don't wanna forget because I still love her, you know?"

Leah hadn't considered that before. "Mm-hmm."

"So, no, you don't get over it," Sue concluded. "You just get through it every single day."

That made sense. Getting through it looked like her parents cooking Billy dinner when he'd get too sad to eat. It looked like sleepovers between Leah and the twins almost every weekend, the girls huddled and giggling under a fort of blankets in the living room so the twins could briefly get their minds off everything. It looked like double-checking every seatbelt every single time (even on the short car rides), long fishing trips, and Friday nights around the fire pit in the backyard, listening to the oldies and reminiscing on simpler days, sometimes referring to Sarah in the present tense on accident.

Getting through it had only been about living.

The watercolor painting of the San Juan Islands hanging in the living room caught Leah's eye as she stood beside the kitchen table. That painting had been mounted on the wall for as long as she could remember, a fixture in the Clearwater household as commonplace as Leah's basketball trophies, Seth's set of UNO cards, or her parents' collection of CDs.

"Auntie Sarah did that painting, huh?" she asked Sue.

Sue peered at the work of art herself, smiling fondly. "Yeah, nineteen years ago. It was a wedding gift for me and your dad." She paused a moment before adding, "I miss her everyday."

Leah nodded. "That's how I feel about the twins," she admitted. "I know it's not the same—like, really not the same at all—but sometimes I feel like they abandoned me."

"I know, but they still love you," Sue assured her. "They just needed a change. You've seen what they've gone through. We all have. But just remember you're still surrounded by love here."

Leah didn't want to believe that, but she didn't want to forget that either. She supposed she'd just have to get through it.

By the time she got to school that Wednesday morning, she hadn't figured out how, exactly, to say everything she'd been meaning to tell Sam; she only knew that she couldn't keep up all this radio silence. It took guts to admit to herself, but if Sam ever treated her like she'd been treating him, she knew that she'd hate him for it. Sue had been right, even though Leah would never remind her—she'd be wrong to keep Sam in the dark. She didn't know what to say, but she wanted to make things right.

Sam didn't show up for classes on Wednesday. He didn't drive Seth to school that morning either.

Leah considered visiting Sam at his house after school, but she couldn't get the timing right with her long practices in preparation for the away game against Montesano on Thursday. Luckily, her absentmindedness hadn't cost her team the game.

Sam skipped school for the rest of the week, going off the radar. Their classmates asked Leah if she knew why he'd been out for so long, but she didn't have an answer for them. Sam's friends didn't have an answer either.

Immediately after school Friday, she took it upon herself to visit his house. She had attempted to lay low and get Seth to do it, since she'd convinced herself in the last two days that Sam's absence absolutely had something to do with her and their weird fight. But today, Seth officially swore off the Leah and Sam saga in addition to all the complications that accompanied it. If you're gonna stay together, then stay together, he'd told her. If you're gonna break up, then just break up already and leave me out of it!

As Leah approached Sam's house now, just around the corner and a few homes down from her own, she saw that Allison's Jeep didn't sit in the gravel driveway, but Sam's Subaru did.

Invigorated, she found herself knocking on his front door until her knuckles turned red and achy. When she finally gave up, she walked back to her own house with hurt feelings.

Despite her negative affect, Leah still felt grateful that Emily made it to La Push not long after this to keep her company while she tried not to obsess over Sam and his whereabouts. By this point, Sam didn't passively exist in the margins of her mind, and he didn't merely cross it either—he lived there. He'd been running laps in her mind all day.

Sue and Harry wouldn't be getting home from work until much later tonight, and Seth would be spending the night at Collin's house, which left just Leah and Emily at home. As Leah hastily cooked a dinner of slightly burnt stovetop macaroni and cheese, she felt certain that Sam's absence and unresponsiveness occurred as a direct result of their disagreement this time last week. She'd ignored him the whole weekend, Monday, and Tuesday in favor of needing more time, and it had grown apparent that he had the same needs. Sam—the same guy who usually dotted every i and crossed every t—needed even more time than she did.

He didn't even have the decency to warn her.

About half an hour after Emily showed up, Leah had been picking at her pasta more than eating it while a rerun of Made aired on MTV when the landline suddenly rang. Leah set down her bowl somewhere between her corner of the couch and Emily's corner, and then entered the kitchen, where she would receive good news but also the worst possible news she could get the night before the fair.

She picked up the phone. "Hello?"

His voice sounded weak and hoarse. "Hey, Leah, it's Sam."

"So you're alive," she said. "I was starting to think you just ditched me, with the science fair being tomorrow. I just tried to visit you not too long ago, but you didn't answer the door."

"Oh, my bad for not answering. I was knocked out and just woke up two minutes ago. You should've tried the window." He gave a weak laugh.

She didn't laugh along. "I'll be sure to remember that."

"But about the science fair," he began. "I can't go tomorrow. I'm sick."

She tried to not let it upset her, but failed miserably. "Yeah, you kinda sound like shit."

"I kinda feel like shit."

"Do you have the flu or something? I can bring you some soup, if that'll help."

"Nah, it's this weird fever. It came out of nowhere Wednesday morning and knocked me on my ass for the last couple days." Sounding weary and exhausted, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I've been feeling a little better today, but my mom's making me stay home until the fever breaks. Says she's not taking any chances."

"I wish you didn't wait so long to tell me you can't make it to the fair," Leah admitted with a sigh.

"I was planning on feeling better by now so we wouldn't have to worry about it. Plus, I didn't know if you were still mad at me."

She frowned. "I wasn't mad, Sam—I was hurt." Her stomach twisted into a knot. "But we can talk about that later. Do you think I should throw the presentation?"

"No way," he said. "The report's done and you could run the experiment with your hands tied behind your back. You've got this, Lee-Lee."

"I guess," she replied. "I was just really looking forward to presenting with you."

His voice dropped to a near whisper. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I should probably go review my notes now, though. I'll call you, okay?" And I actually mean it this time.

"Okay."

"Alright. I lo— I'll talk to you later," she stammered, and then she hung up, quietly retreating to the living room.

God.

"That was Sam, huh?" Emily asked, standing up from the couch to return her bowl to the kitchen and get started on the homemade cosmic brownies she had promised Leah she would bake tonight.

Leah unzipped her backpack and retrieved her notebook before curling up on the couch again with her dinner. "Yup, that was him," she called to her cousin. "The good news is that he's alive. He's been out sick since Wednesday."

"That sucks. And the bad news?"

"He can't go to the science fair tomorrow, so I have to present alone."

"Oh, that really sucks."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"You're not gonna drop out of the fair, are you?" Emily asked her.

Leah flipped through her disorganized notes. "How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," Emily snarked. Leah could see her smirk even with her back turned.

Eventually, Emily placed the glass pan of brownie mix in the oven and joined Leah on the couch once more. Leah continued to passively run through her notes while Sam ran through her mind, and Emily carefully examined the Clearwaters' movie collection, an eclectic accumulation of both VHS tapes and DVDs.

Emily picked out their VHS copy of Lilo & Stitch—one of her and Leah's favorites of all time—and Leah couldn't study for long with the scent of Em's homemade cosmic brownies wafting through the air and her favorite blue alien on her television screen. The film's setting reminded Leah of Rebecca in a way that made her want to cry, but Emily's company managed to distract her.

When the brownies finished cooling off, Emily stood up from the couch again and returned to the kitchen. "I should probably pack some brownies for Joseph before I forget."

"Like you'd ever forget Joseph." Leah snorted. "Can you grab one for me?"

"No problem. And you're lucky that Joseph's stuck doing chores or else you'd be sitting here on a Friday night eating burnt macaroni and watching Lilo & Stitch by yourself."

"If my macaroni is so burnt then why didn't you make your own dinner, Em?"

"You know I don't cook! I just bake."

Leah couldn't argue with that. "Whatever."

"By the way, when were you gonna tell me Beck got married?" Emily demanded as she stopped at the kitchen table, having just wrapped up Joseph's brownies in Saran Wrap. Leah still hadn't cleared out her mail, far too shocked at Rebecca's news to do anything with it.

"I guess I just didn't get around to it," Leah admitted, shifting her position on the couch to glance at Emily. "It still doesn't feel real."

"Looks pretty real to me." Emily set the picture down on the table. "Do you think she's pregnant?"

"A little bit. I think I'm more bummed that I didn't get to be a bridesmaid."

"They'll probably renew their vows. Plus, you can still be my bridesmaid."

"I mean, that's a given," Leah replied, trying not to roll her eyes. "It's just kinda scary how fast it happened. I mean, a year ago, she hadn't even heard of Sol. He pretty much dropped out of the sky."

"Yeah, but when you know, you know," Emily echoed, walking back to the couch. She handed Leah a brownie and sat down beside her. "Or whatever she was saying all summer long."

"When did you first know?" Leah wondered. "With Joseph?"

"Our third date."

Leah's eyes widened. "That soon?"

Emily shrugged. "He broke the curse. By the third date, I just knew it was him. And then when I actually told him how I felt, he didn't make me feel stupid for it or anything."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"And how did Joseph first tell you he loves you?" Leah pried.

"He said it right after I said it. I think he was nervous about it, but it ended up working out."

"Did it feel special?"

Emily smiled. "Yeah, 'cause it was. I used to date some assholes before I met Joseph. You remember. But what about you? You never told me how it was when Sam said it."

"Well, that's the thing," Leah said. "When we got into a weird fight last week, he was like, 'You gotta make time for the people you love,' like he was trying to make me feel bad."

"Was he trying to make you feel bad?"

"I don't know. It seemed like it." Leah shrank due to her own embarrassment before she could even get the words out. "At first, I believed this stupid rumor that was going around school, but it wasn't true. I got embarrassed and he didn't like how I believed it."

"Okay," Emily replied hesitantly. "So what happened after he said that? About making time for people you love, I mean."

Nothing worth repeating. "I just kinda left."

"You didn't talk to him about it?"

"No," Leah said defensively. "He hurt my freakin' feelings. We haven't talked much since then."

Emily's brows knit in confusion. "Am I missing something? Why didn't you just ask him what he meant?"

Leah blinked. "I didn't wanna talk. I figured he'd come talk to me when he was ready."

"Oh, did he tell you that?"

"No."

"Okay. You want my honest opinion? And don't get an attitude about it."

Leah resisted the impulsive urge to roll her eyes whenever somebody brought up her apparent attitude problem. "Sure."

"It sounds like there's a severe disconnect here," Emily told her. "You're both waiting on the other person to say something first, so nothing's being said. What the hell are you so afraid of?"

Leah's impulse to roll her eyes won over. "I'm not scared of anything but the dark, and please don't psychoanalyze me right now, Em. I don't have a problem waiting for Sam to talk to me. He knows what to do, and I'm pretty sure he knows I love him too. He's probably just waiting for the right time."

"Since when has my little cousin not spoken up?" Emily demanded. "Come on , Lee. Sam's a great guy, but he can't read your friggin' mind! He's probably just as nervous as you are about all this."

"Fine. Anything else you wanna diagnose me with?"

"Just my honest opinion. Jeez, what happened to love languages?" Emily blinked, taking in Leah's puzzled expression. "What?"

"Love languages?" Leah repeated.

"Yes, love languages."

She raised her brows. "And I thought Sam was corny."

"What ever, Lee."

Harry and Sue came home shortly, and the movie hadn't even ended yet. Time always flew with Emily around despite her corny suggestions.

"You and Sam ready for the big science fair?" Harry asked Leah after greeting the girls. Sue wasn't too far behind him as she removed her slip-on shoes, near the front door.

"As ready as I can be," Leah replied, turning down the volume of the TV. "Sam can't make it, though. He's sick."

Harry shrugged off his coat. "Damn, with what?"

"He's got a fever. Said it came out of nowhere."

His eyes widened with panic. "A fever?"

"Um, yeah, he got sick on Wednesday, even though he says he feels fine," Leah explained. "Would've been cool if Mom warned me about him missing the fair, but it's whatever."

"Yes, because me and Allison have the same exact job and work the same exact hours," Sue countered before glancing at Harry. "Honey, what's wrong?"

He swiftly put his coat back on. "It's nothing," he assured them. "I just need to go see Old Quil real quick."

Leah stared at Sue, searching for an explanation in her tired eyes, but she also appeared confused at Harry's sudden departure.

Harry left the house moments later, promising he wouldn't be out long. Leah ran through all the possible reasons why he'd need to speak to Old Quil over something as mundane as finding out Sam had gotten sick, but she ultimately came up empty.


The county science fair, hosted by Port Angeles High School this year, surpassed Leah's expectations. Her expectations had been low to begin with, but the fair carried an air of enthusiasm for once, from the students and the faculty. The other students had brought their A-game. (Leah still hoped they'd all be racing for second place, though.) And the rumors about Mr. Molina, the advisor for the Biology Club at Forks High, turned out to be true; he really did take the science fair seriously. He and a few of his students used the event as an opportunity to recruit more members for the Biology Club. (Mr. Molina made sure to give Leah two buttons that said "Green is good" so her estranged lab partner could have one.)

Despite knowing her and Sam's project like the back of her hand and genuinely enjoying the fair, she didn't feel much of a sense of achievement by performing the experiment by herself in front of the judges. Even as she presented with all the confidence and finesse she could muster, she didn't feel more accomplished, more college-prepared, or like her résumé improved—she just missed Sam, wishing that he'd been there beside her to present the work that they'd spent so much time on.

But she knew better than to doubt herself, in the end. As Leah caught the bus back to the rez later that day with two third place trophies—one for her and one for Sam—she finally figured it out.

While her permit didn't legally allow her to drive around without an unlicensed and responsible driver, Sue allowed Leah to take a quick trip to Forks along with Seth in the passenger seat, who had been appointed to call Leah out whenever she'd almost run a stop sign.

Luckily, Seth could be bought with ice cream. Leah just hoped the same would apply to Sam. She didn't even need him to be bought with the ice cream; she just needed a distraction while she begged for his forgiveness. After waiting in a rather long line at the Creamery, she drove back to La Push as fast as she legally could to get back to him. Seth held onto Sam's large cup of rocky road ice cream for dear life while also trying to eat his own ice cream.

Sam appeared to be home alone again, with his car in his driveway and Allison's car missing. Seth hung out in the car and finished his ice cream while Leah stepped out into the cold, wearing her backpack and clutching Sam's cup, hoping he'd still accept her peace offering partially melted.

She rounded the house to knock on his window so he wouldn't miss her again. "It's me, Leah." She rapped her knuckles on the glass until he finally responded by lifting his blinds and sliding open the window, and from the moment he leaned into the window frame, she could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Oh my god, you're burning up! Are you okay?" she demanded.

He still had tired eyes, but he didn't look nearly as bad as he'd sounded on the phone yesterday. He actually appeared semi-rested, like he'd just woken up rather than fighting to stay awake. "I'm better now that you're here."

"No, really. How bad is your fever? I can literally feel how hot you are."

"I'll take it as a compliment, then," he said with the casualness of somebody whose body temperature didn't match that of the sun. "But I was at a hundred and three the last time I checked."

"So you're not okay," she concluded with wide eyes. "I should take you to the hospital. Seth's in the car, but I'm sure he won't mind."

"There's no need. I didn't wanna tell you about my fever because I didn't want you to freak out," he explained. "And I'm okay, I swear. Just running kinda warm, but I'm not sick or anything."

"If you say so."

"I'm actually surprised that you actually tried the window," he said.

"Well, I didn't wanna miss you." She held out the cup of partially melted ice cream. "Can you hold this real quick while I break and enter?"

He took the cup and smiled. "Come on in."

Sam backed up so Leah could climb through the window, and once she stepped inside, she saw that his bedroom was neat, save for the comforter on his bed and one of his opened dresser drawers. His tousled hair and minimalist outfit consisting of flannel pajama bottoms and nothing else pointed to the fact that he'd just rolled out of bed.

"So what's this about?" he asked her, holding up the ice cream cup.

"I'm over being hurt," she admitted, trying not to fixate too long on his bare torso as she stood in front of him. He looked more… buff than the last time she saw him shirtless, with more sculpted muscles. His arms appeared bigger and his stomach more toned. She knew he kept dumbbells in his room, laid out in the corner near his closet, but how the hell had he mustered up the energy to do all those crunches and push-ups with a one hundred and three degree fever?

"Okay…" he prompted her. He must have noticed her ogling.

"And what I meant to say is that I lied yesterday," she continued, ripping her eyes away from his body. "I was a little mad at you, but I'm over that too. Whether or not you're done being mad at me, you should probably eat this ice cream before it melts, 'cause I'm not about to eat rocky road and it might even help with the fever."

He chuckled before sitting down on the edge of his bed. "Then I'll take it. Can't let perfectly good ice cream go to waste."

She carefully sat down next to him, feeling his heat radiating even more intensely. She wiped her clammy hands against her dark pants and inhaled.

"More than that, though," she went on, meeting her eyes to his. "I'm sorry for everything. Last prom, you told me you were all about me, and all I've been trying to do since then was make sure it's still true. But I should've just believed you, not that stupid rumor going around. I mean, Andy's got a big-ass mouth. And I'm sorry I didn't talk to you these past few days—I was so embarrassed that I believed that rumor and I didn't think you'd still like me because I believed it."

Sam nodded his head. "I appreciate you apologizing, Leah," he told her. "I took a lot of time these last few days to think about us while I was dying here in my bed, and I'm sorry for even talking about breaking up. I don't want that at all. Like… at all. "

She exhaled in relief. "Yeah, you'd be insane to do that, huh?"

He chuckled as he reached out to cradle her hand in his own. "So it's decided. We're not breaking up."

"Not if I have any say in it." Her lips pulled into an earnest smile, and she finally felt at ease.

He gave her hand a squeeze and gazed at her with an enamored glint in his deep, warm eyes. Moments like this made her forget why they'd taken a break at all. That had been the worst mistake they'd made so far.

"You know that I love you, right?" he asked her.

"I guess I do now!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "You never officially said it."

"What? I thought you already knew."

"Sam, I can't read your mind," she said, echoing Emily. "If that's how you really feel, then you've gotta say it, 'cause I love you too."

Those huge words she'd intended on screaming to the heavens for so long sounded tiny when she finally said them aloud.

"And when were you gonna tell me?" he challenged her.

"I was getting around to it," she replied lamely. "I mean, I spent this whole last week thinking you were gonna break up with me, so it would've sucked if I told you and then it happened anyway."

"It's not happening," he promised her, "'cause I'm here for you as long as you want me around."

"You really mean that?" she asked, her heart skipping a beat.

"I'm serious about you, Lee-Lee, and I don't care how soft that makes me look. I'm all in."

The butterflies in her chest fluttered, threatening to take her with them. "Are you kidding? Baby, I knew you were soft when I first met you."

"Damn, you blew my cover."

"Well, you know what they say…"

His brows knit in confusion. "I don't think I do. What do they say?"

She reached into her backpack to retrieve his button, courtesy of Mr. Molina of the Biology Club. "Green is good!"

They laughed together, and she felt more than at home once again.

"Wow," Sam said. "Half-melted ice cream and a button. Was the science fair that bad?"

"Funny how you mentioned that," she replied, reaching into her backpack once more for his trophy. "We got third place."

"Oh, shit!" he exclaimed, staring at the piece of plastic to commemorate their months of hard work. "We can go to the state fair in April. We better get a head start on that."

"Yeah. April will come around before we know it."

They fell quiet, but it didn't make Leah feel awkward. Instead, she felt her courage being restored.

"So we finally know that we love each other," she said, inching her body closer to his with no regard for the heat. "What are we gonna do about it?"

His voice lowered and his hand fell somewhere on her inner thigh. "Come over next weekend and I'll show you."

She gave him a coy smile. "You talk a lot of game, Sam."

"Then you're just gonna have to let me prove it to you."

"You're not contagious, right?"

"I don't think so, why?"

She closed the space between them to press her parted lips to his. As they collided, every single doubt that had ever crossed her mind evaporated in the heat.


Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable media or characters mentioned here. All histories and cultural aspects of the Quileute tribe belong to them.