~*Author's Note!*~

*Greets all of you in a long glittery dress holding flower bouquet*

Every. Single. Review from all 18 (OMG 18, we are growin' people!) of you guys (and my ghost readers I love you guys too) just... *cries trying not to mess up make-up* I love you all so much, you have no idea...I just love all of my fangirlies…and boys...y'know.. if they're here. #Shoutout

Can I just give the biggest thanks to LOVESWANCAPTAINCHIPMUNKS for leaving the longest review EVER and PIPPELULU who told the chick to tell her 50 million siblings to come review my story?! That string of reviews had me nearly in tears! *flips hair*….I have so many fangirls now…. *smirks* and I hope y'all had fun in France. Don't ask how I know *looks at PippELulu*.

But guess what. Thank you for all the support from when I told you guys I was having a rough time! And that bill...I prayed and it like….vanished! For now at least. Lets hope it stays that way.

But my 'mother' (read egg doner) did destroy my car and take everything I had and lied about it. So, good luck with me getting to work :/ I'll be fine, pray for me if you will :DD But remember, I don't own nothin', so please enjoy!

*squeals and tosses flowers into crowd of reviewers*


My fangirlies!

FireAndFury796- I'd like to thank you dearly for your comment, it came at just the right time. You blew me away with your words, it just made my day. I try so hard, I'm glad you noticed and thank you so much for taking the time to read, I hope you lalaloooove this chapter xDD You are so kind :D Lalalooove youuuu! * kisses all over your face*

MistyZshi- Girl you had me rollin'! Best AATC on the net!? GTFO, nooo I'm just…'unleashing my imagination' as FF says to do. Wow, twice?! No way, you know I've been reading some of my previous chapters and I'm like wow….this actually is a great read xD That must be some good friend...Lucy... Really helped get the word out! Hug her for me! Or get her something from France!

Aerial Myth- I don't...I can't even BEGIN to tell you how happy I was when I saw those reviews! I thought you meant like you had like two other siblings. I. Was. In. For. A. Shock. I was so happy, they all came back to back, I was like :O :DD Me niether! That's why I wrote it! I think they are human…(Yeah, they are. Or half n half) Awee, don't cry, you aren't the only one! And thank you for your kindness, I love kindness ;))

Eden Blessing- I have a lot of fangirls now ;) The pleasure is all ours, miss. I'm literally grinning like crazy reading your review xD I know look at all this dramaaaaa! That's why it says romance/ drama yaass! S&J...aren't they cuuuuute?! I just love them. Thaaaank you girl :) Your love and support enlightened me like you'll never know.

Princess of Oneshots- I DID. I DID JUST LEAVE IT THERE! You will soo manage, I promissseee, patience my dear patienceee. Thaaank you girlie, you're words are so appreciated like you'll never know :)) I just loved it :D

White Lava Pearl- I DONT EVEN KNOW! I waited years for somebody, or just anybody to write a story like this and only 2 people came close, but never continued it. SO. I took it upon myself to give you guys what I never got *squeals* I knew this was a good idea :DD Thank you for your support :))

Hot Chips Are Love- The middle to end was written on mobile (which was a LOT), so thank you for noticing and appreciating it! By the way, mobile data costs MONEYY! Ughhh! Ohh and you are welcome, don't you hate reading a messy story? And yes, this day isn't even close to over yet! Thaaank you, dearie :))

Blue-Blood Imagination X- Omgeeee you're very welcome! Noooo I'm happy you're happy! CAPS ARE AWESOME! You are like sooo sweet and soo nice like ohmygosh, THAAAAANK YOUUUU! LOVE YOUUUU!

Ivory Code- I will be honest, what is often done by a guy is extremely misinterpreted and overreacted through the eyes of a female. They tend to give meaning to meaningless touches and/or looks from men. Alvin hasn't said yet what his true nature is. It's almost like trying to figure B out. You can't.

Thanks for noticing S&J, I was hoping someone would! Jean's possibilities are endless with the media. she may write books, or do movies w/ Simon and Alvin. Who. Knows. Noooo, I love youuuuu, and thank you for being here :))

PippElulu- EEEEEEEKK, are you EXCITED?! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I updated! Me, nobody else, me! MEEE! Now read before I come through this screen and MAKE you! And thank you for your love and encouragement again, it felt amazing. LOVE YOU LOTS *kisses all over your face* (AGAIN)

Alvin'sBaby80- Thank you, I hope you like it xD

REDDSPAZZ- Happy belated February birthday! I'm soooo sorry, I thought you already knew! I update once a month! I'm so sorry, your birthday was like 5 days later, I was like "Uhh….". I hope you had a great day though! I know cliffhangers are what can keep people coming back haha ! I do what I can, I'm glad you could come home late with something special to end your day with :) And remember you DON'T bore me! I LOVE seeing you write comments! I loved seeing your encouragement btw...it made me so...very..happy..:))

LoveCaptainSwanChipmunks- ~ You're so uhhhmazin' you shine like the starrrrrs, you're sooo amaziiinggg, the beauuuuty you areeeee!`~( That's an actual song that reminds me of you and its called 'Amazing' by Janelle!) GO LISTEN TO IT! Thank you so-o-o-o-o MUCHO, your really are special, you're words lifted me UP, I love youuuuu *sniff sniff* And I totally can't compete with your story, I swear I'm deleting this! So you can shiiiiiine!

Ana Luza- Yup Yup girrrrrrrlll! I got you! You are so sweet and nice and I love your enthusiasm! You're really a blessing and a motivation to me! Stay with it, pleeeaseeee!

Guest- Thank you sweets! xD *Muaaaaahhh!*

MissSteph22- They are all mean. They may get better! XD Fame just really messes up people, y'know?! And B is pretty bipolar to me. I know Brittany isn't a cold hearted ***** all the time, she just tends to be a little possessive, just like Alvin is possessive over her. I heard you were interested in the family aspect though, sooo I thought I might as well make em' meet!

Jeannie- Ahahahaaaa! Girl I'm not a feminist either! #AntiFeminist Your comment had me rollin'! Yeah B should, she really should kick his a**, but she looooves him! Maybe I should make you a character to give her a pep talk for her sake! XD That should do her some good! XD

Destiny's Heroine- Woo babe, girl your imagination had me like….! Well that's not how I had imagined it would go! But, that...I mean...woooah. That is quite an imagination. Uptown Funk is my jam though. " This hit, that ice cold, Michelle Pfeiffer that white gold!" *dances* Like girl yas. And I can't thank you enough for taking time out of your day to respond so full of empathy and love for this story. I can't thank you enough, your words really made me really feel better :DD

Disclaimer: You may see crap you recognize. Yeah its mine. Just kidding, no it isn't, I don't own the Chipmunks/Ettes!

~** XoxTristinaaaDuhhhxoX **~


~*Glamorous*~

Chapter 10

Don't Pull the Trigger


You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

I wished I hadn't even came in here. What I had gotten into could be described as one of my biggest nightmares of the year, and it was coming true in the most unfortunate of ways. I couldn't even begin to describe it. Whatever was going to go down in here right now already deserved an Oscar for Best Picture.

Because what was about to go on in here I knew would be no short of a masterpiece.

The rocky mixture of genuine shock combined with the solid foundation of true realization was enough to make me stumble back. Pain shot through my lower back regrettably racing upwards into my spine from the icy tile counter behind me. Cursing inwardly, I hesitantly pulled myself together trying to ignore the sting in my back. Luckily, my shock altogether was overriding the feeling for me.

Grimacing, I looked at her, and she met my gaze. Eleanor didn't say anything. She looked like a kid caught red handed because she knew she was in for it. For a minute we didn't say anything we just stared, the breath was caught in both of our throats. There was nothing to do but wait. I knew I wasn't going to talk first. So was she gonna take one for the team?

Eleanor had her face raised and taken back in pure shock and confusion, her phone was gripped tight in her hand. Her cheeks were slightly pink and her eyes were wide. I could definitely tell she wasn't so sure about what to do. It was clear that she had no idea I was going to be in here or what she was going to say and I had to say the feeling was honestly mutual. Neither of us knew what we had gotten ourselves into. All it took was one word, one action, one moment of weakness.

It all could go down in this bathroom.

Whether it was blood...tears….I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out.

Not like I wanted to measure my strength against Eleanor, no matter what this wasn't going to get physical unless she asked for it. I don't think a calm resolution was even possible or even what I wanted, but someone had to do something. She knew as well as I did that she had something to say, and even if she said didn't, she was lying, because I had the truth right in front of me.

She came in here for a reason and she came in here to say something about me. Getting on my case what that important that she had to come all way into the bathroom to talk to someone else about me?! Well now she could say it, right here and right now!

Creeeeaaaakk.

The faint cry from the expensive mahogany wooden door from when I first entered was creaking back very slowly making me forget how quickly I had came in here. The door hadn't even shut yet. Its creepy existence made the brightly lit room suddenly ghostly almost like something evil was lurking all around. The scariest part about all of this was, was that there was nowhere left to run, the realization of that alone made me want to faint. I was getting colder...and Eleanor's eyes were unreadable to the point of no return and her gaze was hardened and sent shivers throughout my entire body.

I had wanted to hope that is was only just my imagination, that we couldn't possibly be here right now finally having the meeting that we both secretly prayed for, yet would never honestly want to happen. Instead we were both in our own separate areas of the world. That she was really here hosting her restaurant pre-opening, since the actual opening was really next week. She was at the table hosting the 500 guests that had came here... Yeah, that's it.

Meanwhile, I was in my own very personal world where nothing else mattered but me sitting in my chauffeured limousine on my way to my lovely exquisite mansion ordering late night take out waiting for Jeanette to get home so we could share our the latest gossip along with our late night swim. There, so be it.

I closed my eyes tightly, and opened them just as swiftly, but that only made it worse.

Eleanor was still standing right in front of me. And now the once cozy, brightly lit room appeared like it was closing in on every side and I wondered if I was ever going to see daylight again. The room was so quiet, the faint drips of the leaky faucet crashed down onto the tile of the drain somewhere nearby, there was like an eerie presence in the room, one that didn't belong to any of us.

There was several, one for sure was the spirit of fear, another was tension. Worry, definitely. The footsteps of sadness had entered as well and they all made their appearances and presence known within the confines of this room. It seemed as if the lights grew dimmer, while there was one in my peripheral flickering out in a rage at the other side of the room.

Or was it just my imagination.

Did I even have to question it? I didn't want to close my eyes again in fear of the terror I had just witnessed previously at how ghostly this room had begun to if I was really honest with myself, there was an actual green eyed monster in front of me.

I know we both brought those presences into this room whether we liked it or not. And if we wanted them to go away, we were going to have to deal with them here and now in order to defeat them, or they would become even stronger and follow us even after we leave.

Eleanor's cruel, green orbs met mines and moved in anticipation. I gulped. Wait, no, not me. Not today. I wasn't going to stand here scared of her. All of the fear I was starting to feel was just my mind slipping, none of this was real, was it? I made sight of the wall to my left and watched it for a split second. Seconds felt like they were beginning to turn into minutes and I felt whispers all around me and slowly but surely, the wall began to crawl towards me.

My stomach dropped and I took a step to the side away from it, whipping my head around in a cold sweat towards the floor in front of me pausing and gulping. Immediately, the same fear rushed to meet my face as I felt the floor repeating the same pattern moving up towards me. I gasped to myself and gripped the counters behind me and rose up to meet Eleanor's eyes who peered at me confused at my most recent behavior. I frowned and looked her dead in the face, if there was something I knew for a fact, is that I wasn't afraid of her.

So why were my hands shaking and why was my heartbeat continuing to escalate with each breathtaking second. I wasn't sure how to react, but I did have something I wanted to know…

"Who were you talking to?!", I shrieked out, my voice slightly cracking before I could hold myself back.

I tried to find my logic in this whole mess, but I just couldn't! I know it wasn't any of my business, but she was talking about me! I heard her say my name and I had every right to know who she thought she was, because if she was going to gossip about me and get away with this…

Did I need to spell it out for her?! I already had a run in with a reporter outside! Does she have any idea what could happen if this stuff gets out to the public?! How could she be so careless?! The person on the phone could easily be friends with a-a tabloid person or a reporter or...

" Wha- what are you talking about? You...you followed me in here?" Eleanor flinched and took a step back, then snapped out of it leaning forward. Her wide and once vibrant green eyes appeared as though they were fading to grey as she narrowed her stare at me pressing them forward with intent to harm.

" No, don't play dumb and ignore me, answer the question! ", I shot back attempting to stand up straighter almost stumbling like I didn't just walk into the most dangerous war zone of the year. Questions raced rapidly across my mind and I didn't even have time to see if they were making sense or not, I had so many things I wanted to say and at the rate of my heartbeat, they were just coming out just as fast ignoring my requests.

My conscience wasn't even strong enough to hold them back as I fired bullets at her shamelessly, " What has been with you all night?! First y-you deliberately ignore me at table a-a-and then you-

" Brittany..." Eleanor interrupted throwing her hands up and beginning to take a step toward the hall that would lead to the exit still facing me, "..seriously here?! If you wanna talk, this is not the place, can't you see I have a restaurant to run?"

I was dumbfounded and my throat felt dry, in a second I growled and stomped my heel down out of desperation and frustration ignoring again the pain that was increasing slightly through my lower backside. She raised her eyebrows at me giving me an are-you-serious look like I was a joke. Only then did I feel the animosity grow inside of me.

The spirit of tension had steadily begun to increase and my worry escaladed. If we did not handle this now, things would erupt. This war has gone on too long and I was sick of dealing with it, I needed to find out why she's been acting the same for all these years.

Enough was enough!

" No Eleanor! We have to deal with this now!" I couldn't back down now. I wanted answers. I had a right- no I DESERVED to know the truth. She sighed in annoyance throwing her hands down to slap down at her sides, "What? Why here? Why now, can't this wait?" Eleanor began to take another step turning around towards the main hallway waving me off and I took a deep breath, " Brittany, this has to wait. I wanna talk too but-

"No, Eleanor.", I stated firmly letting out the air I had been holding. I watched her stop and spin back around slowly and prepare herself to make one more claim, "Gosh Brittany, this is a bathroom!", she squealed out trying to make her own sense of the situation. But I didn't care, I didn't have time for it, and I took another step forward taking my hands off the counter behind me and swallowed trying to ignore my shaky hands not having something to grip onto.

" You know as well as I do that we're never going to get another moment like this. We both know that even if I tried to contact you, or you tried to contact me, we would both lie and say we had plans."

Eleanor stopped and opened her mouth keeping her gaze on me before closing it again and frowned. Then she narrowed her eyes at the ground for a second. I almost thought she wasn't about to answer, she looked so deep in thought. I was breathing rapidly now inwardly trying to stop and calm myself down. The bathroom seems like it was fading away past me, I stepped back again and gripped the counter behind me firmly to confirm my reality with both my hands, still fixing my gaze on her.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Eleanor shook her head with her attention still directed at the ground as if disagreeing with it. Gradually, she slowly rose her head up and met my eyes.

Almost immediately, my pink lemonade from earlier felt like it was doing the exact opposite of what I wanted. My insides churned and I gripped my stomach tightly with one hand not breaking my stare from Eleanor. There was a lump of something in my throat trying to make a way out but I swallowed it down. With it, I carried a breath up high and higher slowly and shakily until my whole body pulsed with fullness.

Breathe i-

"Or the real thing is…", Eleanor began taking a step forward, "...is that we both wouldn't contact each other at all for any explanations or answers.", she finished for me and stared into my bright blue orbs, " And we'd carry it like this forever pretending that nothing is wrong."

I tried not to let the guilt slip in, but it entered regardless and it carried me on until my spirit felt like it had to let the pain come out directly, and it wouldn't stop bothering me until I did. I attempted a light nod swallowing again. Even then, that was trying for me. Her truth was crashing into all of my existence tracing away all aspects of denial and exposing what was real and waiting to come out. I had to say, this was not how I thought this was all going to feel like.

My insides tickled and I released my other hand from off the counter and brought it behind me to my lower back and rubbed gently trying to ease the pain from earlier. Licking my lips, I could still feel and taste the fruit punch flavored lip gloss I used over from earlier, then pursing my lips together, I lifted my chin up to Eleanor in an upward nod agreeing with her statement a second time.

Eleanor looked me up and down before turning slightly and stepping back moving the lush, silk flowing deep green garment of her dress aside careful to not step over her herself and leaned back against the wall. She crossed her arms and fixed her gaze at me, "Talk.", she said simply.

I could easily sense the presence of tension and worry getting closer and even then still all I wanted was to get to the bottom of this and get the hell out of here as soon as possible. I tried not to scowl and hurl insults at her, but swallowed and tried to regain my composure. I stood up straighter and stared straight at her, "All I want to know is why."

She snorted and shook her head at me, "Why what?"

"You!", I couldn't hold back anymore, my composure was running thin and I had very little patience for today, " What is going on with you?! All night, you have just had this...this stank attitude with me and I haven't done a damn thing to you! All night you've been making me look like a total fool and acting like a total witch!"

"Okay, Brittany, I think you're just being overly dramatic again, because I'm really not even doing anything to you!", she leaned forward and peered at me relentlessly, " You honestly think I would go that far to be-

"To be holding a grudge!", I finished powerfully throwing my hand on my hip ignoring the churning in my stomach grimacing altogether. She chuckled still with her arms folded, " A grudge? Hm...and where did you get this fancy made assumption from because uh, I forgot." I growled and gave an exasperated sigh, " You think I'm playing, don't you?! You think I really came all this way to deal with a grudge from you? Is that how petty you are? Is that who you really are?"

Eleanor just scoffed and shook her head with the utmost arrogance with her arms still crossed, " Um, actually-

"No you ARE holding a grudge, Eleanor. What you need to do is learn how to forgive and forget!", I snarled at her crossing my arms together mimicking her behavior, " Let me get something straight because I don't care if this is your restaurant, whatever you have that's against me needs to stop. Today. I'm sick of this shit! All of it! You're being extra moody and-"

"Oh PLEASE!", she spoke loudly and I fell silent, my face flushed against her sudden outburst, " You actually have the nerve to believe that you're so innocent, really?! I'm being selfish and moody?!", she questioned pointing to herself. " You are the most selfish, prissiest female I've ever seen, I mean really? Getting mad at Alvin for talking to Kelly?!" I froze at the mention of both of their names being used in the same exact sentence. My palms went cold and my blood boiled simultaneously. My eyes were wide and I took a step back. W-wait...she wasn't, she didn't know, right? I mean...was it, was I that obvious?

The presence of fear rose and darkness towered me, I felt my angry spirit drop,"But, I didn't even say anything!", I cursed at myself inwardly and struggled to maintain eye contact. That didn't sound good, because now I sounded guilty. She wasn't supposed to know how I felt, but really was it that obvious?! Its not like I actually said anything at the table to her!

"You had your eyes on her the entire time looking like you were ready to kill her!", Eleanor shouted pointed an angry finger at me, " She didn't even do anything to you, but you stayed having the most annoyance with her!" I huffed and crossed my arms tighter standing up taller. Without looking at her, I closed my eyes and faced the other way, "You don't know anything.", I mumbled defiantly, " She was-

"She has a baby, Brittany, a baby!", Eleanor explained with a heavy rush of emotions towering and looming over her entire being, " Yeah she got pregnant young, but so what?! She was kicked out because her mom wouldn't let her stay and now this job is all she has! But you're too selfish to understand that!"

At this rate I couldn't control myself, the tension was now rising above the worry and fear in front of us. At the mention of that waitress flirting with Alvin and Eleanor talking about her baby was enough to make me gag. I blinked back tears and uncrossed my arms glaring at Eleanor harshly.

The fact that whoever that child was and wherever it was...the fact that it actually had a mother working hard for it and the fact that I actually had no mother to come home to and the fact that I would never see mines again, much less know who my biological one was had hit me harder than I ever thought imaginable. I choked on a sob and sniffed, " Maybe I was just jealous Eleanor, alright?! Maybe I just was, is that a crime?!"

"Exactly! You're always jealous! Alvin doesn't belong to you, how could you even think that, you guys aren't dating!", Eleanor wasn't backing down and I could see the veins throbbing in her neck, her arms were still crossed and I gulped and swallowed the lump in my throat. " All you do is think about yourself! Why should I even begin to give you the time of day when you are the same selfish, spoiled, rotte-

"Eleanor stop it! Just stop it! Please!" I shrieked uncontrollably and threw my hand up to wiped my face where the tears were already falling smearing them carelessly across my face. She looked shocked and confused, her eyes were squinted and she peered out me cautiously. " That's not what I'm talking about!", I screamed and stomped I couldn't control the pulsating tears erupting from my eyes and welling up together and I remained staring at her in a heated huff rubbing them away.

She had her mouth open ajar very shocked and displeased with my latest outburst, " Then what is it, Brittany?!", she raised her brow and shot out every word very firmly, " What you want me to feel sorry for you?", she stepped forward to me and raised her voice loudly furrowing her brows at me, " Huh? Like you're the victim in all of this?!"

"Just shut up!", I hollered over her raising my voice as loud as I could not caring who could hear if anyone just so happened to be outside, " Maybe I was jealous of the fact that whoever her kid was, that child had a mother that cared about him and was still alive, Eleanor! Did you ever think about that?! No, you didn't, so just-just…" I stopped. That looming presence over me.

Sadness….tension...they were both towering over us and I shamefully admitted to myself that I didn't have enough strength to make them go away and disappear. I closed my eyes tightly and felt another few stray tear gently cascade down my face. I didn't even want to look at myself right now. I knew my makeup was smeared and was most likely ruined and my cheeks felt red and puffy.

I expected an uproar from Eleanor the minute I started screaming at her, instead her leafy green eyes softened for a second for she drew herself back and took a step back in faint realization. At that moment, I knew without a doubt, she missed her too. Even though Miss Miller's death was two years ago, it still felt like it was only yesterday we were all arranging her obituary. At that moment I knew, if I couldn't figure out what all of the problems were, I knew where most of them were about. I had to put an end to one of the flames before I took out the whole fire.

" I know you probably think I didn't care about Miss Miller when she died, but I did, Eleanor! She was the only mother I-we ever had and of course I miss her just as much and you and Jeanette do!", I explained with my voice shaky and my heart very heavy with extreme sorrow. I threw one hand over my forehead and leaned back on the counter.

My forehead and temples were pulsing and I had a raging headache coming on from the light I kept seeing in my peripheral vision that kept flickering in anger, " I wasn't there, I know. I just was so wrapped up in getting those papers done, I couldn't think of anything else and I- I…"

Her face was still emotionless and hard to read. Still, I felt like I was explaining and defending more to myself than I was to Eleanor. I let out a dramatic sigh taking my hand off my head and rubbed the nape of my neck. Apologizing was so...awkward for me. I just didn't feel right. I shouldn't even have to apologize over this, its not my fault I wasn't there.

I huffed out another sigh, " It's not my fault I wasn't there, Eleanor." When I tilted my head up to scan Eleanor's face, and from what I saw shocked me.

Her orbs were flooded with tears and she sniffed harshly and crossed her arms again looking away from me. Immediately, I felt my heart break over and over again and once more, I felt my selfishness get the best of me. I sighed deeply full of regret trying to push the feeling back down, " Wait no, that's not what I-

"Then who's fault is it?!", she sneered, her voice full of sobs and shakiness. Her curls were now start to become slightly wet with her tears and she brushed them across her shoulders to lay across her back. She looked angry and full of sadness and I couldn't help but feeling like dying a thousand times over again.

This was her night, and I was totally ruining it for her. Now I had wished I had changed my mind, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

I really just wish I could just disappear right now.

Now when we get out of here, everyone is going to want to know why we're both upset.

I had to shake the thought away, I couldn't focus on that now. Now we were both upset and...and...if I thought Alvin was being a jerk before...I really had the roles confused. I had become the biggest jerk of the night. Now I was making Elea-...no….I was making my...my sister cry. The saddest part about it was, I still didn't have the heart to go over and comfort her.

Some piece of family I was...

I rubbed my temples with both of my hands and pushed out all of my increased hostility with a silent but deadly sigh. My head was pounding and my stomach was doing flips. The rush of the presences all around me…and some of its friends...created a whole new aura that stiffened my perspective even more and it only increased my anger nonetheless. I came to a brief realization...

People were always talking about how 'Family is Everything'...

Respect was something that had to be earned no matter what. No way around it….

I knew we didn't only get to this point because of me. She had to take some part in it...

Denial! She had to be in straight denial if she was gonna make it all about her...

Everything we had together though. Would I have honestly chosen fame if I knew …

If I knew it was all going to turn into this?

I was full of it. I was, and I didn't know how to stop. This whole mess was full of straight turmoil and I knew what had started it all. Even though Eleanor was still causing a lot of heartache, I knew there was something that had started it all. Something I was full of…

P.R.I.D.E.


A choked sob came out of my mouth and my lips were trembling as I gasped for air for my overwhelmed and shaky throat. I didn't realize how much I needed to breathe. My eyes were wide and I held on to the icy counter tops behind me gripping them tightly and catching my breath rapidly before raising my head up slowly to meet Eleanor's sorrowful eyes.

I swallowed and stood up straighter wiping my face smearing my makeup around. Normally I wouldn't dream of assaulting my face as much as this, but with the stirring in my stomach and the sharp pain in my temples, I couldn't afford to care.

" A-Alright Eleanor...you win.", I admitted shamefully holding on to some form of hope that we could work some of this out. She met me with the exact opposite of what I hoped, instead she looked confused with sadness still plastered across her face. She rose throwing her hands up walking around me towards the other sinks near me to meet me face to face yet still keeping some distance between us.

She stared at me for the longest scanning my face for any deception. She looked hurt and confused, yet still trying to register what I had just said, " Like I win what? What do you even mean-

"I'm-just…!", I threw my hand up and stopped short meeting her gaze and sighed feeling the heat of exhaustion flood my mind. The weight of all this is going to kill me. Its late, I'm tired. I've been on my feet all day. The fans. The girls. These heels. My career. My music video. Alvin. The magazine. The commercial. Eleanor. MY LIFE.

I hated them all!

"I'm sorry for not being there, okay! There! Is that what you wanted?!", I hollered pounding my fist against the icy countertops and feeling my voice grow hoarse cracking under the dry pressure of my explanations and excuses. That's all I felt like I was sometimes. One giant excuse.

" I wanted to be there when Miss Miller died too Eleanor...but I couldn't! I just couldn't and I'm sorry! I'm completely sorry and I blame myself everyday." I paused with my voice heavy and my throat felt like I had been strangled. It hurt to bring air in and it hurt to bring it out from my frantic outbursts. I scanned and surveyed her face for an answer. The room was silent and she instead looked like she was on the verge of tears herself, her lips trembled and she took a step back.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be by her side when she died and I'll regret it for the rest of my life! But please Eleanor...for the love of…", " I paused and wiped my waterfall of tears letting the wetness now flow off of my thumb and forefingers, " I'm sorry!", My last word came out as a high-pitched cracked sob and I was weeping hysterically now, I felt my heart sink and break a thousand times for the mother I would never have again. The mother who would never put me to bed at night, or joke about vintage Hollywood fashion with me...All of a sudden, I'd give anything just to hear Miss Miller tell us about her golden days with her girlfriends back when she was young. No matter how irrelevant I used to think it was.

More importantly. I was mad. I was damn mad at myself for waiting this long to say all of this. This should've happened earlier and I knew that waiting this long was what allowed a flame to turn deadly and blow out of proportion. I was angry...at myself. I was upset. My whole life began to flash before my eyes. What I had never told anyone before is that... for what it was worth I kind of…

I wanted….

Really though...I wanted to learn more about... wherever our real mother was…

….and if she was still even alive. Did Jeanette and Eleanor even feel the same way about that? I almost felt it was inappropriate to talk about that after Miss Miller died and I knew it was out of the question for even discussing now. It wasn't the time or the place.

Still, I wanted to curse her for even leaving us to begin with. If it wasn't for her, we'd still be in Australia together and we wouldn't have to worry about all of this fame mess. That's what tore us all apart.

Wait a minute no.

We still had something to be happy about. Coming to America and starting a girl group was great-in the beginning. Afterwards, I felt like I deserved a little more recognition and felt like things were moving slow for me career wise.

That's when Miss Miller said I had to think of my sisters and the world other than just myself. She didn't want to hear it after I kept pestering her about it. She said it wasn't just about me in the group, but that's just it. I wanted it all about me, Only me. Even if those Hot Gossip blogs and TMZ blogs had disagreed with it at first, shortly after I had total global support.

Me going solo couldn't have been what tore us apart, it was Eleanor and her bitterness. Her stubbornness. Her-

"I forgive you, Brittany."

My eyes rose up in shock and met hers. The tears that were welled up in her eyes were quickly wiped away as she gazed at me straight into my light blue ocean cerulean orbs. Immediate happiness rushed into fill my spirit and I wanted to explode with pure happiness. It was done! I felt a large and giant weight be lifted up from my shoulders and peace and tranquility rush into my mind and soul. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth and wanted to smile and laugh at my sudden luck, "Eleanor I…"

"...But there still is one thing though.", she said firmly. And just like that...

My beautiful moment was short-lived.

The presence of Fear washed over me once more...

...Sadness creeped around and suffocated me…

...Worried hovered over me…

….and the Tension in the air set the whole room on fire.

The burning fear was built up in my throat and looming around me. My stomach churned and dropped like I was on a dangerous roller coaster. All of these emotions were making my head hit the ceiling and I felt a gurgling sound erupt from deep within me. My body felt like it couldn't move and Eleanor looked like she was in one place and then another. I saw zigzags. My blurry vision saw her body stretch from one place to another like I couldn't see straight.

I closed my eyes slowly and savored every second trying not to dread opening them against once more. I don't know if I shut them tightly because I wanted to disappear again or because I already knew what she was about to ask." One thing like what?", I asked and blinked rapidly opening them again. There was that light again. I knew I saw it before. It was flickering out at the end of the room. Like the tension burning inside of me...waiting for me to explode,

Eleanor looked like she was trying not to roll her eyes at me but did it anyway. She sighed heavily looking down and then back up, "You know what."

Oh yes I knew.

How could I forget…?

It was the very next thing on my mind. It was the question that kept me up at night. The question plagued my thoughts day after day. The question the tabloids still haven't completely closed for good because not even they knew the true answer. The question Jeanette sometimes still asks me when I climb into her bed at night because of a nightmare I had, or my fear of the future keeping me up, or my past regrets not letting me go. It was the question everyone who was anyone has been asking me for years.

" Why did you leave the group, Brittany?"

We stopped and memories slowly started to flourish and make their way into our mindsets. Moments passed and the exhilarating rush of past events flashed before my face. The pain and anguish of standing up for the freedom I truly deserved at the banquet, even after what it would cost, or what I would find out eventually about how much I actually had to pay in emotionally instead of in dollar bills.

Miss Miller's death came back to me, pressing into me on how I had gained a record company contract yes, but lost the most important woman in my life. I had a lump in my throat as the guilt from back when me and Jeanette were leaving the record company today. It had stayed stuck in my throat and I had almost forgot about what Jeanette had explained earlier.

Everything.

From when she mentioned how I left the group to how I wasn't there when Miss Miller died...to when she described how I left us. All of us. Was she lying when she said that? It couldn't be...I never told her that Eleanor couldn't stay or anything! I didn't I said-

….!

That's right...I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, I didn't even tell them that I was leaving The Chippettes, I just left and made them look like fools in front of everyone. And I didn't...say anything. I never did after that, or even before that when I was making plans to leave...I didn't say anything because when I left...us...I didn't just leave the group, I left them...emotionally.

I hadn't said a word to them about it before, but what I said came out loud and clear when they had no clue about how I was feeling.

"I HATE this stupid group!", I screamed.

Fear and panic washed over me. I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later. I've tried to hide it from them for years, but I knew I had to explain this. Explain how I caused us all to do a complete 360 with our entire lives. None of us could honestly say that even one aspect of our lives remained the same after I quit. At least the boys could say that they all still lived together. We just had to learn how to hide...how to lie. How to keep this all a secret. I gulped and opened my mouth.

Buzz!

A gasp left my throat in place of the words and I immediately sucked in my breath and looked down peering at my phone, pulling it out to see a brief message on the screen from Jeanette. I felt my chest become tighter upon realizing how long we had actually been in here. Still, I felt the rocking of my body throw me into a trance of feeling the floor move upwards. I gripped the counter feeling my nails bend and become heated up with the built up pressure I was giving them. I swiped my thumb over the screen and read the message.

'Hey, are you still in The bathroom?! I think they're going tobe bringing out the food soon, r u alright in there? I texted Ellie but,she didnt respond either, everyone keeps asking about you guys. I'll come ANd check on you if your not out,in 5.' - Jeanette

The blood drained from my face as I shakily read over the message. No, she-she couldn't. She couldn't come in here! Not while I'm so worked up like this! She couldn't see all the damage that I had done. No, not now. Maybe I'll just come up with something quick to get Eleanor off my back and then...yeah that's what I'll do.

By the way her texts looked, it looked like she was nervous, she never makes that many spelling mistakes when she texts me. That could only mean one thing.

-gnore me?!"

I shot my head up still holding my phone. The sweat on my forehead was causing me to feel faint at all these random emotions. The light kept flickering, the floor felt like it was coming for me. I could see the walls closing. I swear I wasn't going to get out of here safely. Jeanette just said she was gonna be in here any second!

It was hopeless...I can't come up with a lie, because then we'll be right back to square one. Where we started. Maybe another two-year go around, and then we'd be dealing with one of these scenarios for a second time. And like she just said, we wouldn't have contacted each other in the meantime at all.

I stumbled over my words trying to pick them up and place the pieces back together, "What?..H-huh? Yeah? No..I was…"

"Right. You were ignoring me...so this doesn't even mean anything to you.", Eleanor shook her head slowly gazing at me sadly. Regret washed over me and I had a pleading pathetic look on my face but I couldn't think of anything to say. Realization slapped me across the face and I glared hatefully at my phone before putting it away realizing I had ignored her, " Oh come on Ellie…". The text message flashed through my mind brought me to think if I called her by her old nickname, she'd come running back to me, but fear soon paralyzed my presence once I realized the clock was ticking.

"So what was it this time? Another photoshoot? A movie deal?", she was shaking her head again looking away from me. Blinking back tears she choked on a sob, " I can't remember the last time I posed for a magazine…". The hurt and rejection was read clear from her face and a single tear slid down her cheek and she sniffed, her eyes and cheeks puffy.

That hit me hard.

My eyes grew wide in astonishment. I opened my mouth, but then closed it biting my lip in frustration. Is that what she had really just said? What was I going to say? I had trouble controlling my breathing and the presence of sadness consumed every part of my existence. I felt every gaping pool of energy become completely filled with a gloomy and guilty presence that made its way into my conscience. My bottom lip was trembling as I reached out to say something, anything, " Eleanor...I-I…"

"You wouldn't know what its like.", she spewed at me in a mixture of anger and sadness turning to me, " To have people laugh in your face when I told them that since my sister went solo, that maybe I try to go solo too.", her voice was sounding slightly off from the congestion in her nose and throat.

She blinked some more and turned away wiping her nose and face with one hand sniffing heavily. I began to hear Jeanette's voice race around me from back when we were in my dressing room today...telling me about all of this.

" You didn't have to sit there and listen to everyone tell you 'Oh yeah, we all know that Brittney would run circles around you guys in the industry, let her go she's too good for you guys anyway."

I felt so ashamed…

I sniffed loudly and swallowed a lump in my throat, but it remained there nonetheless, I wanted to try again, " Ellie I didn't know-

"People called me fat, Brittany!", she roared at me and her voice let of in a spiraling motion all throughout my body. I stumbled back and my stomach turned and did flips causing me to clench it tightly. I didn't know what to say. She was sniffing and sobbing now and hidden memories came crawling back and powerfully making their presences known.

"They said I could never be like you and I should stick to what I do best which is eating!", she pounded the counter throwing one hand over her forehead turning away from me, " I didn't even want to do this whole restaurant thing, I mainly wanted it for Theodore because he couldn't start it without me because I was legally seen as an adult!"

Hurt crashed over my face and I closed my eyes and blinked hard trying to rid myself of this situation. I tried to redirect my attention to somewhere, anywhere but here! This was way too much for one day. I couldn't handle all of this stress! I couldn't listen to this. What she was saying, it couldn't have all turned into this!

The room was spinning and I grabbed the countertops again with my other hand careful not to peel off my nail beds which were burning from me grabbing them so tightly, but I couldn't help it. I kept feeling like I was about to faint. My stomach..the walls...the flickering light...Eleanor looked like she was becoming fuzzy to me. And Jeanette…

Oh gosh...She was gonna be in this room any second…

I couldn't control my breathing. I was gulping and sucking in my breath desperately trying to keep from hyperventilating as I felt the truth cause a rush of emotions and a hurricane of events flashing before us. The presences were becoming stronger and I felt like I was losing touch with reality.

Tick…

...Tock

" And I do love my restaurant. I do.", she went on sobbing, " But it didn't come as easy as you thought it did! With people leaving me rude comments on any pictures I posted calling me 'Fat', 'Ugly, or 'Pig'...". She choked on another sob and bit her lip slightly. Then her eyes squeezed shut and more tears ran down her face and I heard her whimper and let out another shriek of anger.

" I couldn't even wear pink! Did you even know that?!", I sucked in my breath tears silently falling down my face, I quickly snatched a look at myself from my peripheral vision and saw my eyes were bloodshot and red. I looked like something...something that consumed me...I felt like sadness...and the darkness moaned inside of me confirming what I knew to be real. Shivering at my reflection, I turned my gaze toward the ground.

" 'Stop trying to be like Brittany!' ", she mocked in an exaggerated tone crossing her arms together not looking at me, " 'You'll never be like her so quit fooling yourself!' ". The next breath I took was painful and my throat was burning and heaving like it wasn't just air coming up. I couldn't stop looking at the anguish. The pain. The realization. The world was cruel I knew it. But, I couldn't believe people would go that far to say that!

Eleanor had always been slightly bigger than us, but never outrageous. It wasn't like I was embarrassed to be seen next to her and neither was Jeanette! She wasn't even fat so what were they talking about? Curvy yes, maybe, but definitely not fat.

My temples were beginning to burn. I tried to trace back a thought, anything to make me even understand Eleanor's image issues in the past, but I got nothing. My brain was just blank and it hurt too much to think anyway. I had to give up and believe that everything she was saying was true.

My ego wanted to soak up all the glory from other people seeing me as the star from the beginning, but looking at Eleanor's sad and soaking face, her cheeks red and puffy with all the life sucked out of her eyes, I felt ashamed all over again. The rate in which my...sisters...had to suffer from in the past as well as trying to get their lives back together today...all because of a decision I made. I couldn't help but blame myself.

"I tried to find work everywhere. But nobody wanted me.", I snapped my head up as she went on, " When your first album came out with your movies, I couldn't get a spot anywhere and neither could Jeanette."

Jeanette?!

My eyes raced around looking for a nonexistent clock. I knew she was going to be here anytime soon. But, she always told me she didn't know what she wanted to do. I knew she had gone out with Eleanor sometimes. But, I never knew it was to find work. I didn't know she wanted to still sing or do magazines. She knew I had connections and my manager knew everybody in the business.

Why couldn't she have asked?

Why couldn't they have both asked?

"We tried to do stuff or get known in some kind of way, but they were completely in love with you.", Eleanor crossed her arms and looked down sniffing and sobbing still, "Every single place we went." I stood still as if in a trance. I was afraid to say anything. Afraid to move. Afraid to speak. That's because the presence of fear had made its home inside of me.

" And they…", she began and stopped herself short taking a deep breath. I swallowed hard this time trying to desperately make that lump go away, "They what Eleanor…?", I knew I didn't want to hear the answer, I just knew it. So why did I even ask in the first place?

She stopped biting her lip trying to take deep breaths and mask out her frequent stuttering. She shut her eyes tightly letting the remaining tears fall out, " They said that you were gonna be a star no matter what…and I shouldn't try and compete with you.", she began accordingly. Another knife was stabbed into my spirit.

"They said Jeanette had potential, but probably would never tap into it.", she continued with great pain that I could see within her whole demeanor. I fidgeted with my fingers pulling them off of the counter and instead started to lean on the counter. I still wasn't sure if I could hold myself up. Not at the rate in which my heart was pounding.

"And...", she finally stated allowing more tears to fall sniffing heavily again.

Tick…

...Tock.

" They said nobody wanted to see my fat ass on a screen anyway!", she shrieked at me blazing a fire in her eyes that ignited my soul in a demising and damaging form that I knew would take months to recover from.

I regretted peering into her bright green eyes, instead I saw red. I saw blood. I saw sweat and tears. The crumbling of a washed up dream going down the drain. And it was all because of me. What was left of my heart broke over and over again until all I felt was the hardening and cracking of my selfishness tearing me from the inside out.

Eleanor gave a sharp cry taking both of her hands and wiping them down her face, her face becoming redder and redder with each cry. Even through my pounding headache, I felt the pain. I felt somebody else's pain and that was new to me. I felt her pain.

And now I was sorry. Sorry I even wasted my time coming here in the first place. I clearly didn't belong here. This was a celebration for her. And if I was really honest with myself. This proved beyond a doubt how selfish I really was...I knew I didn't come here for her.

With each cry she gave, I felt little parts of me break away and I felt so pathetic and miserable. I felt like a dark and deadly person. A toxic person who destroyed everything I touched. Seeing the sorrow and misery in her eyes reminded me how I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve the life I so desperately wanted while all those around me suffered immensely.

I felt like a total fraud. Here I am claiming to be this great person...here I am treating Destiny and my manager and a few other people with respect, but the only family I had left?

I stumbled over my words, my thoughts mixed together. Trying to decide whether to console, defend myself, or stay quiet. And so far, silence was winning. I tried to reach out before drawing my arm back and watched Eleanor break down in front of me on what was supposed to be her night.

A tiny cry and whimper came from my mouth, " Eleanor….I...u-um…", a sigh finished all I had to say. Even after two whole years, I had to same thing. I had nothing. I didn't say anything. Again.

"And they're right. Of course they're right! Look at where I am!", she asked the sky looking up and around the entire place. "In the very place they said I would be at. Eating! Not on a screen! Nowhere, just here! And its not even fully my restaurant, I have to share it!" She threw her hands over her face and rubbed furiously messing up her makeup which would normally be a sin to me especially to watch, but now...I reached my arm out to her.

"No, don't touch me! I'm still mad at you!", she hollered pulling away from me and I withdrew my arm back pathetically, mentally apologizing for even thinking that she would allow me that privilege.

Her face was crimson now and her makeup was almost thoroughly rubbed out, her eyes screamed at me in pain, "And you know they're right too! Because look where I'm at! At a place that-that Thank God I can call my own without any Chipette influence!", she admitted with a grimacing look around the place, " But even still, they barely even call me by my first name either! They just say 'Brittany's sister.' "

I sniffed and attempted to stand up straighter. Tears were still lodged in my throat but I ignored the feeling trying to straighten out my voice with what ounce of dignity I had left, "Eleanor, you...you don't understand. I didn't mean for all of this to happen."

"Because that's what you wanted right?! Remember? You wanted to be separated from us, Brittany! You had dreams way too big for this town remember?!", she shot back harder and I gripped the countertops tighter and gripped my stomach again at the pain of everything consuming my existence all at once. I didn't know if I was going to make it home tonight.

My voice came right back to me pounding and pounding in my head and in my ears until I felt light headed.

"I have plans Eleanor. Dreams way too big for this town and I need to give them a shot."

I heaved and coughed lightly, my voice was weezy from all of the exhaustion from everything that happened today combined with all of the emotional trauma and my tiredness. With all of her confessions, I felt as though I didn't even have a right to ask her anything. I still needed to know who she was on the phone with and why she was talking about me to them. But did it even matter anymore?

No. No wait, yes it is. Think of the tabloids Brittany. The reporter from outside? I had to ask her. And I still had questions about...about Alvin and her. My mind was fuzzy...what did I want to ask her again…? After another cough I took at deep breath devoid of any emotion and tried again, " Eleanor...I need to-I need to talk to yo-

" And you don't even care!", she threw a load of pain at me and covered her face growling loudly in rage and frustration. Her voice was so raspy and full of animosity, I felt frightened to even be in this room. Fear came out of me and plastered itself across my face as she rose up to meet my face sniffing uncontrollably her face hot with tears, " You don't care, you don't y-you-

She coughed again and again harshly sniffling and swallowing wiping her face and meeting my eyes again, " You don't even care that I've been bulimic since it happened!"

What?!


I couldn't control the gasp that came out of my mouth. I couldn't close my mouth. I couldn't contain my shock. After years of being unable to capture myself looking purely horrified in a movie just to the director's satisfaction. That was the only flaw I had on the silver screen, and I finally learned it in the most unfortunate of ways.

Tears silently fell down my face flooding it. I tried to get a word out. Anything. I wanted-I had to tell her something! I had to say something why couldn't I say something?! She needed me and I still. I still didn't say anything.

I was embarrassed. Ashamed. Tears spilled down her face and I shamefully repeated her gesture. I opened my mouth and nothing but air came out. I felt like I was in a daze. There is no way I was standing here listening to this. Listening to Eleanor confess that she had an eating disorder?!

The flashbacks were hitting me hard. All over the place and guilt was eating me up inside. Just-just...

"How?! ", my voice croaked out in a stumbled, yet demanding perspective. My eyes searched her face for any clues, " H-how could you just do this to yourself, Ellie?!" My bottom lip was trembling, I just could even attempt to understand how she could start such a serious and not to mention dangerous routine!

Eleanor looked defeated, she gazed at me I'm sorrow like in any second she could just burst out in tears, " You couldn't know. I never told anyone. I just...", her voice came out soft and she started to take a step back shaking, " I couldn't..."

"Ellie.", I pleaded clasping my hands together, " No matter what was going on you didn't have to resort to this!" I watched her as she didn't speak and just stared at me full of melancholy. Once I saw her start to take a breath I couldn't hold myself back. " Do you know that you can kill yourself doing this?!", I screamed her with my hands shaking in front of me.

She looked angry and she glared at me with tears still streaming down her face saying nothing. I didn't hold back, I just couldn't stop the words coming out of my mouth, " So you're eating food…"

"Brittany, please don't start this.", Eleanor started sniffing wrapping her arms about her body. "Please don't…"

" And you're throwing it all up?!", I shot at her loudly, my ears ringing from the sound of my own voice. I knew I shouldn't be victim blaming but I just couldn't believe she was basically killing herself, I just didn't believe she had it in her to fall.

" Eleanor how could you, why w-when...", I threw my hand over my forehead taking a second to try and rationalize through my pounding headache, I closed my eyes tightly before glaring at her with a rage that had never raged before in my eyes, "Eleanor this is dangerous!"

"Oh please, please just stop it, okay! You don't know how hard it was for me tell you any of that just now!", she shrieked, " You don't know how hard it was for me...", she sniffed again covering her mouth trying to trace back what had become of her. " You don't know how I felt back when we were in a group...The Chipettes…"

My teeth were rattling. We both had a heavy array of tears and sorrow consuming our entire spirits with us powerless to stop them. The emotions were growing too strong.

" I just…", she took another step back and covered her mouth with her other hand and then took it off flashing her eyes at me full of rage, " That was my shot, Brittany! That group was all I had! And you...you took it all away from me…", she cried relentlessly with gasping sobs trying to retain her breath as all of the anger, stress, and frustration over the years came back to haunt her. And just like that, whatever line of defense I had that was about to come out was immediately put back into its place, and again...I didn't say anything.

Time went by and I bit my lip in frustration. No, I couldn't let another moment go by like this.

" But Eleanor I…I…."

"No, you listen to me!", she demanded in a sour tone pointing an accusing finger at me, " This is the first time in two years that you just had to stand here and listen to me!", she coughed a couple of times before regaining her previous position. I was stunned. Frozen in time. She had the opportunity to take me and use me as an emotional dump, and she was going to get her wish.

Eleanor held onto my stare and I licked my lips in anticipation. Which was just about the only thing I had control over. I gripped the counter again to hold in my balance. The walls were closing in big time. I had to focus on something else. Something that would take my mind off of this...Nina...Destiny...ughh this wasn't working! I knew I was in for it.

" When we were young…", she began snapping me out of my thoughts and drawing a breath to regain her composure, " I...I tried to fit in. I tried to do my best pose, I tried to smile real bright, I really wanted everyone to see me. I wanted everyone to know my name."

I gave a light nod, despite her keeping her attention away from me.

"But then, I always noticed how...even when me and Jeanette were signing autographs, and how we had to stand in the back because most people would be catering to you..we flew by invisible.", she bitterly put. I shamefully thought back to what I was thinking earlier. Back when me and Jeanette were leaving today and she was confessing to me about being the shadow of the group. After those two girl fans wanted nothing to do with her.

My mind raced back to my previous thoughts from earlier at the studio.

'I guess I was too busy signing autographs and taking pictures with fans. I thought Jeanette and Eleanor took a step back simply because they weren't too comfortable with fan interaction.'

She cleared her voice and smeared more mascara and tears across her face, and yet more came to replace them and her voice began to become high pitched and full of sobs, " But then...I guess I should've known you were going to quit back then with the less time you spent around the studio, but...this lady…". Now I was listening intently. "...One of the women who was apart of the Chanel Headquarters had came into our dressing rooms after one of our last concerts looking for you. She had a gown sealed in plastic in her arm."

My heart froze. I didn't like where this was going.

" I had-I had asked if she was here to see if she could leave the gowns here, but I noticed there was only one.", she closed her eyes and a few more tears fell down her face. My heart raced in anticipation. Even then, I checked around the room for an imaginary clock, but all I saw was that flickering light.

Tick…

...Tock.

If I didn't know any better, I felt like I could hear footsteps down the hall. I started to panic.

" I asked her why was she bringing in a gown….and why was it long, sparkly, and...pink.", she shivered like the memory was sending signals down her spine and corrupting her already fragile mind. I gasped upon the realization….that pink long flowing gown...it sounded like the exact same light pink strapless gown that was on my mannequin in my dressing room from today. The one I had still never worn.

I felt uneasy and gulped half of me not wanting to hear the rest.

Eleanor continued, " That's when she told me that big designer companies said that they wanted the outfit to look like a million...a million dollars on one girl...not half priced on three.", she heaved holding her stomach as her voice took a sorrowful turn.

My stomach did the same and guilt kicked in unleashing another blow. Because those were the words that they told me that made me really want to quit. I was missing opportunities and getting turned down for others. It seemed reasonable to me at the time. That if we were getting turned down for something as simple as an outfit...I had to leave sooner or later. But now I knew for sure... that it was the very same gown I have right now in my dressing room. It had to be.

I needed to leave. I had to get out of here, I felt dizzy, the room was spinning again.

But nevertheless, Eleanor continued, " She was only there for you!", Eleanor roared her voice piercing through the walls of my entire existence. Her tone rumbled through me sending chills penetrating my heart and soul. " She-she said…'Oh honey..' ", she proceeded to put on her best mocking upscale business-like voice, "... ' You won't be needing this. Only the most fashionable and able-bodied girls are able to wear gowns as nice as these...you understand don't you?' "

It was like a ghost just walked through me. I didn't feel like I was in my own body. I knew people were cruel, I knew. But to say that to someone, anyone. Much less a teenager?! I couldn't believe this. Any of this! This couldn't be real. And yet, I still took all the blame.

"Oh no, Ellie…", I watched her as both our hearts broke into a million pieces.

Eleanor was hyperventilating now, " S-she said 'A girl of your size...' ", she went on in the same voice, " '...should be lucky enough that she is even able to be given such a high class opportunity to be in the entertainment industry!' ", Eleanor gasped and threw her hands over her face again and cried out. Her screams pierced through my entire body and I wanted to faint on the impact. They echoed through the walls and I was certain anyone outside could hear her. My heart broke again. I wanted to cry with her.

When she looked back up, her face was even more red than before. Tints covering her cheeks, nose, and forehead. Her voice was blazed in heat looking for a target, anything it could cut into and destroy, and I was in its way. I braced myself for the pain.

" She said I would have to starve myself in order to survive in the entertainment industry!", Eleanor hollered slamming her fist on the countertop.

Tears flooded my face and a sniffed loudly swallowing and I couldn't pull myself together. My heart ached and looking at my once confident sister who was now in a complete mess on what was supposed to be her night left me speechless. How could someone do that to her?! How could someone say that to her? I attempted to reach out again, but quickly withdrew my hand feeling the repercussions of when I attempted to comfort her earlier. I didn't know what to do...what to say..how to say it…

" A-and that's when I started...", Eleanor paused and looked down regrettably. She paused and bit her lip sniffing lightly. The moment was starting to become longer and eerie. I braced myself for whatever was next. But even then I still wasn't sure how to act.

Eleanor let out a short cry and them reached down then pulled herself back up as if questioning her next move. Finally she let out another loose set of sobs before reaching down finally and pulling the bottom of her dress up to reveal her left thigh. And what I saw almost made me want to faint.

Deep red gashes were embedded into her skin creating long streaks on what looked like cat scratches, only they weren't. All over the place covering her leg were random arrays of crimson red lines and marks. Some deep and dark red, looking like they were done recently. Others were faded out and tiny. They ranged from short and deep, while others were long and light. Stab wounds that would probably never disappear, a deep reminder of how the industry treated her. Some of the skin was peeled off like a heavy razor blade was used. The color of her thigh appeared veiny and red combined with dark a dark blue hue. The color of pain. The color of dispair. The color of…

Cutting.

She dropped her green colored dress down and it hit the ground lighty and swept across the floor her eyes watering up all over again and she covered her face. I wanted to utter a word, something. Something to tell her everything was going to be okay, but all of this information and taking it in in one night. Instead I wanted to gag. I coughed and felt like all of my insides were about to fall out. I covered my hands over my mouth letting out huge sobs, "Elea-..", I coughed once, then twice again then fanned myself trying to swallow and make sense of what I just saw. Something I could never unsee. "Eleanor...how could...when did...?"

I couldn't hold myself back anymore, " How could you do this to yourself?! How could you- Jeanette-

"Jeanette doesn't know!", she cried to me taking her hands off her face with the most desperate and heartbreaking defeated look on her face begging me to believe her. For the life of me, all I wanted to do was give her a hug, but I knew it wasn't that easy. " Jean….nobody knows. You're the first one I told! Not even Theodore knows because it would hurt all of them if I...".

Her voice drowned out and faded away as her eyes begged me to understand. Her blonde curls were starting to fade completely away and become straight clinging to her shoulders and flowing down her arms. I attempted to calm myself down taking deep breaths, " But Eleanor..you were always the one who told us to never let what people said affect us, how could you…"

" The lady said they didn't have my size for any of their gowns and they didn't want to make my size ever!", she screamed, " So that's why they wouldn't work with us! Words hurt, Brittany! Or have you forgotten that?"

And there it was again.

" I HATE this stupid group!"


I traced her body up and down for a sign, something anything that could've told me. But, that was the thing about mental problems, you couldn't tell who was suffering from them. It could happen to anybody. And...I hadn't seen her in over a year, but I'm sure I'd seen a picture maybe something Jeanette had posted online when her and Eleanor went out. But still, something could have told me. Or someone...-

Jeanette!

I scanned the room again for that imaginary clock. She was coming. She was coming and I couldn't even time it! I didn't know when or how but I knew she was coming. And there was nowhere to run or hide. She would come in and see us. Broken down in agony and just trying to make sense of the situation. Did Jeanette even know about this...even some of it?...And if she did, why didn't she tell me?

"I do this to myself, Brittany.", she screamed at me, " Because nobody wants to feel like the fat, ugly pig of the group, no one!"

I couldn't….This couldn't be happening. I couldn't have single-handedly causes all of this to happen. This couldn't be...my...life.

"This is it…", I said to myself quietly, " I ruined everything". My heart breaking with each second. What was left of it as least. "You know Brittany.", Eleanor wiped her face with one hand her mascara falling down in a greyish black trail all the way down to her chin, " Sometimes I wonder why you even bother with us." That took me by surprise and my eyes rose up in shock, " W-what's that supposed to mean?"

She stared at me in a daze for a few seconds before cracking a tiny fake smile in disbelief shaking her head, " I know you didn't come here on your own. I know you had some...help.", she finished and her eyes turned into pain once more. I stopped short and brought both of my palms to my forehead squeezing my temples trying to rub out some of the pain, " What are you...talking about Eleanor?", I finished uncomfortably.

Buzz!

I jolted feeling the vibration of my phone again. Uh oh, that meant Jeanette was getting closer. And I didn't even have the power to stop her! Wait a minute, hopefully she wouldn't be able to find where the bathroom is. This place is new she can't-

" She can.", I thought stupidly to myself. She had been in here before. Before when we were all in front...when we had first seen Simon and Dave.

Why couldn't all of this stop? The pressure, the business of my day, all these meetings, photoshoots, magazine interviews, videos, emotional conversations, decisions, Eleanor, everything just-...And now this..?

A gurgling sound erupted from my stomach reminding me of how empty it was. At this rate, it didn't matter how this night was going to end, soon as I got out of here, I was going to call a limo and leave. I couldn't take all this crap from everyone anymore. This had turned out to be the most longest and stressful day of my life.

Is this was it was all about? This is what I signed up for? A lifetime of fame and fortune with no one to trust. Constantly feeding off fans and attention but never really able to enjoy even a part of it? Forget it. I'm texting my manager as soon as a get home to book me a vacation spot. I couldn't take this, it was making me sick.

"No, get your phone first. It could be important. You know, being an Class A celebrity and all,", she shrugged crossing her arms and leaning against the counter looking at me through the mirror. I brought my palms down and ruggedly ignored her comment pulling out my phone to see who it was.

I heard a muffled chuckle followed by another sniff, " I guess I should be grateful for Alvin though.", I heard her say and I whipped my head up and peered at her in great shock. I took a deep breath as I felt my chest tighten with pain and my breathing became shorter and shorter. I breathed deeply trying to make my anxiety go away but-but- I can't, no I had to ask.

Before I slide my phone lock screen across to see who the message was from I spoke again and tried to fill my voice with as much confidence as I possibly could, " W-what about A-Alvin?", I gulped hoping and praying for some good news within this nightmare I was living that I couldn't wake up from no matter how hard I tried. I was gripping my phone tightly now.

Her mascara was still falling down to her chin and she was failing to wipe any of it away. She stared emotionlessly into the mirror almost in a trance and then it hit me for a second time. Guilt was hurled into me. Realizing again that this was her night. Her one and only night and I had deliberately made it about me just showed me again, without even looking into the mirror, again how selfish I really was. I had ruined her night, her moment, and made it about me.

Now I could never give it back to her.

" What about him, Ellie?..", I tried in more more pathetic attempt of using her nickname to see if it would soften her heart again. But, she stood there still in a trance gazing at herself in the mirror. I bet not even she could believe that this is how her night was supposed to be going.

I got no response.

There was no time to be angry about it, I hesitated before I very skeptically swiped my finger across my phone screen and then wiped away a tear that had came down and left a watery mark on it slightly blurring my screen. I blinked the tears away from my eyes and tried to read the message I received.

"Ugh…", I groaned trying to squint my eyes to read it desperately trying to blink back more tears that were now sliding down into my mouth leaving a salty taste. A taste of fear...sadness...and anger. All of the presences that were inside of me were now coming out in a sorrowful and deadly display. Mocking me as the pain they caused leaked out of me. All of my feelings and my flaws all being shoved into my face. I tried to make the sentence out, but failed miserably and instead soon made out one word, then another. Two….three…

What the..?

" Heyyy Brittany. Come on girl you know I was just playing. I didn't mean all of those threats, you know I'd never do that to you. I didn't mean to make u feel bad. Are you mad at me? "- Alvin

My sweat dropped. He couldn't be serious, could he? All that outside a-and he-

Wait. Wait a minute no wait. I should be happy I guess right? But what about all that he did out there? Flirting with me and trying to kiss me! What about that?! And touching me at the dinner table, he couldn't be serious.

Could he?

I mean it should be no different from when Alvin was on the phone with the president of his record label company a few months ago while we were in his movie trailer for Crash Fusion. I still didn't know what the movie was about but I'd visit often. Just because I wanted to be near him. I'd have my hands wrapped around him from behind running my hands up and down his firm muscular torso, kissing his neck gently while he was on the phone and resting my head on his back lovingly...

Ohh yes…

Reminiscing on that moment gave my body a brief moment of warmth and filled my spirit lightly with his presence. It was just the light amount of treasure I needed to believe that he wasn't all that bad. We were best friends after all. Always have been, and always will be. He was just playing, right? Maybe all the stress from today led me to believe that he had some hidden mission. Yeah, that's it.

But wait. Whenever I did anything with him, I wasn't doing it and having it be done discreetly in front of an audience like today! If he thought was just gonna forgive him that quickly, he had another thing coming. I had him in the palm of my hand now and I was definitely going to use this power I had over him.

I groaned upon feeling my stomach twist and turn making more gurgling sounds. I clenched my teeth and gripped it trying to drown out the pain. It was cramping and I suddenly started to feel nauseous. My vision was blurry again. At this rate, I don't care what the media or anyone says. I'm really leaving as soon as I get out of here.

" I was on the phone with Alvin this morning, Brittany. ", Eleanor stopped short seeing as I looked at her in shock with my stomach still clenched. I traced my thoughts back to this morning. What happened this morning? My mind was all over the place. " Wha-a...I don't remember…", I tried to make something come out of my mouth, within seconds I barely could even remember what I had just said. All I could see was that flickering light.

The very presence of rage flickering back and forth while the other presences consumed me. Something raced across the room. I knew it was tension, but the only thing I felt was panic.

Tick…

...Tock…

" He and Theodore were the ones who told me to invite you, because I wasn't interested.", she stated firmly crossing her arms and looking away from me sadly. Another dread of silence past us. I couldn't say I was shocked about that one. Once again I heard the water from the faucet crash on its own down the drain making it known of how dark and dimly quiet this bathroom was. For my sake, I hope this was going to end soon. If anyone was about to come in here, I was going to have to make a break for it real quick.

I didn't know how much longer I could last.

Needless to say, I was still listening intently. Forcing myself to push back against the pain and stand strong enough to hear what she had to say. I had almost forgot about all the answers I still needed. Yet, after seeing those hideous scars...my mind and body still stood frozen in shock. Goosebumps filled my memory as I tried to shake it out. Eleanor would've been the last one to resort to such an answer like that. I wonder what else she was hiding.

Her eyes began to water and fill with tears and her voice got shaky again, I honestly wasn't surprised when panic and fear battled for death inside of me. "T-the business people...", she began choking on a sob and the mentioning of corporate people made me feel sick all over again. I knew they could be cruel. Judging by the way I had splashed water in that man's face when I was in New York around the time Miss Miller passed, I knew dealing with them wasn't easy, but I listened closely still.

Eleanor continued on, "...they told me and Theodore that despite all of our success in the Food Industry and special guest star appearances that we were still too young to be making plans like this on our own."

"Y-yeah…", I answered gently pain racing across my stomach making me feel woozy and disoriented. But what did this have to do with Alvin? I wanted to hear more.

" They only gave us one year of property rights, due to me being emancipated.", she continued sniffing as more tears fell down her cheeks which were red and puffy still showing no sign of going back to their original color. " This year. They said if business goes well, they would increase time span on our business contract."

"Okay...", I answered adjusting myself to stand up more straight. My heels were killing me and the pain was making my feet numb. I was still confused as to where she was going with this, " Where did this all tie in-

"But do you think the comments stopped there?!", she screeched catching me off guard. Gosh, I knew some sort of tension was just around the corner, I just wanted to get out of here, " No, that wasn't even the end of it! Even though me and Theodore were elated, they told us that we shouldn't even get too excited because we were the 'forgotten siblings' anyway.", she cried desperately.

My chest tightened all over again confirming what I knew to be true now. Even after Jeanette had told me about where all her insecurities came from. It just didn't ever seem to stop with them two. While my career was going higher, theirs kept crashing down.

Time after time again and even to this day, they were still fighting the same battles they were fighting even before The Chippetes ended. I felt so sorry for them. After all these years, they really couldn't catch a break.

Even with Jeanette though. I paused in fear seeing as though she didn't make her way into the bathroom yet. At least with her...I hope she didn't start any addictions. Because the fact that Eleanor was eating food and then throwing it up along with cutting herself... I didn't know about Jeanette. And I refuse to believe that she didn't know of what Eleanor was up to. I couldn't say I believed that statement. Those scars were too heavy and gruesome.

Jeanette had to have seen some of them. Eleanor didn't have the heart to wear pants all of the time, what about in the summer?! All I could say was that Eleanor and Jeanette's problems never seemed to end. And by the looks of it, they weren't going away anytime soon. How long had they felt this way?

" They said…", she wiped an arm across her face smearing more tears away leaving a pale black trail of mascara, "...They said that we had better invite you and Alvin to the opening because if we didn't, business would never increase. I thought they were joking, but they weren't. They even said that how could they even see me as an adult legally if I was still living with you and Jeanette."

"So...wait….so...", I asked pulling myself up and rubbing my eye trying to wipe away the last of my tears despite still feeling more forming.

"So yes.", she pressed on, " I did lie to them and I ended up telling them that I was unwelcome at your place so they would see me as more of an adult." I gasped forcing breath into me. So that's what she was discussing at the table. I couldn't control myself, I pushed past the pain and fixed my eyes on her firmly, " But to lie, Eleanor? And try to make me look like a fraud in front of everybody?! Where do you get off doing that?"

"And I'm sorry, okay? I am!", she replied burying her face in her hands making no attempt to hide her heartache. She rubbed her hands heavily across her face and took them off, " I'm just a mess...I don't know why I was acting like that tonight, Brittany okay? Gosh I just-I just…all of what happened just made me...just made me hate you!", her voice trailed off.

A red hot blaze set fire into my eyes, this was the tension I was waiting on, I knew I shouldn't try to be angry while I felt nauseated at the same time. The whole process of this was elevating my animosity. I bitterly dug through my pain and pressed forward, " But you did! Eleanor you know I didn't mean for all of this to happen and I was being nice to you the entire time tonight and you just kept firing on me!", I bitterly reminded her. " Don't you think that affected me?!"

Eleanor gazed at me miserably and a trail of guilt coursed through me, but I pushed it back down reluctantly. " I didn't deserve to get treated like that! I can see why you would hold anger towards me all these years, but all of this?", I beckoned making a swirling motion with my finger, " Everything that went on, you could've taken the time to tell me! Ignoring me and holding a grudge against me for everything that went on would never fix anything, you know that!"

I was panting now and shaking all over. Time seemed to stand still and my body felt like it was on fire. She sucked in her breath and closed her eyes quietly letting more tears fall. " I know, Brittany. I…"

"What does all of this have to do with Alvin though?", I had to ask upon remembering his text and terror unleashed within me from my head going down into my body. I felt it in my fingertips that somebody had to be getting closer. Either Jeanette or…

No. This is the ladies room. Even he wouldn't be crazy enough to do that. I shook the thought away, I was scaring myself. I peered back at Eleanor and scanned her face for any clues. She put one hand over her stomach and thought for a second. I'd be mad if I left here after all of this trouble and failed to get any answers.

" We talked this morning.", Eleanor swallowed like she didn't even want to tell me this part, " Alvin said that Theo invited him because...well you know how Theodore is. They're family, there was no need for an invite.", she gave a small smile. I wasn't in the mood to return it. That's the point. Why did I have to be 'invited'?

" But…", her smile diminished, " Alvin thought you were already going and I said I didn't invite you because...I guess I…", her voice trailed off a second time.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I had to brace myself for anything. She pressed her gaze against mine and I saw a hint of color return to her cheeks. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. " I guess I just wanted to impress you.", she told me grimly. I squinted my eyes together softly groaning at the feeling of death inside of me making me want to collapse. Even then that sounded dumb and confusing and my head was already in deep pain. I sighed deeply, " How could I be impressed...if I don't show up?"

I tried to piece my words together after she didn't say anything for a while. I waved my hand around trying to pull some thoughts out, "I'd have to see it on the news...or-

"Exactly. You see it on the news and know that I accomplished something on my own without having to depend on you.", she went on trying to reason with me sniffing heavily after a moment, " So it would be a direct hit to you and the business people." I took a second to process that. Was I supposed to be happy she wasn't letting everyone's obsession and love for me keep her from getting out of my shadow? Or be furious that she would choose pride over someone she called family.

That is, if she still did want to refer to me as that.

" Would that also be the reason as to why I had to find out about everything today?" I pressed forward unable to be gentle anymore, " Its not like I have a life or something y'know. Like I don't already have everyday plans.", I finished sarcastically.

But what did that have to do with Alvin?

Eleanor winced back like she had been hit by my remark, then cleared her throat, "Alvin.", she ran her hand through her scalp,"...told me that if it was true that you weren't coming, all he would have to do is convince you and you'd be here. Plus he mentioned, that it would be bad for both me and your image if you didn't show up."

My nostrils were flaring up bearing a white-hot rage at that statement, and she still continued, " So, he ended up calling you twice this morning to prove his point. But...unlike when you apparently said no to Jeanette this morning when she had asked if you wanted to come like she told me when she was at the studio with you today. With Alvin…", she paused.

" You said you'd think about it.", she looked me dead in the eyes. I stood for a second in realization at how much knowledge she had about my day. How much she simply knew by how many phone calls were being exchanged today much to my dismay.

Rage wasn't enough to describe what I was feeling. That little sneak. And I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment as my infatuation with him was being proven right in front of me. All of which was supposed to be kept a secret.

"So that's why we laughed.", Eleanor stated referring to earlier at the dinner table, " Because one way or another, you got here whether it was by your own influence or someone else's because I know Jeanette spoke with you too today."

"And I'm pretty sure it was Alvin's.", Eleanor finished looking straight at me.

I was fuming. All the events from earlier today coming back to me and hitting me in the most devastating way. Well even if it was Alvin's influence, she should still be glad that I came, right? I glared at her and crossed my arms turning away. " You couldn't honestly expect that with all the hate you felt for me that I would agree to come just so I could get harassed."

"Especially if it was on late notice.", I added firmly as her gaze met mines, " Let's not forget that part. And for the record, Eleanor whether you believe it or not…", I paused seeing that she was listening closely, "... it was Jeanette and my manager that convinced me."

Eleanor looked away and took a deep breath darting her eyes back and forth across the floor, " Well...if you say so….", She paused looking like she was about to argue against my claim. She had an uneasy look about herself rubbing the nape of her neck, "...But I only believe it because Jeanette did end up telling me you were going.", she stopped looking away wistfully. I waited on her response with hesitation biting my lip.

"That's when I told Alvin you were coming.", she finished grudgingly looking back at me.

A gasp consumed my spirit. She was the one who told?, "So wait…", I spoke upon realization looking around, my eyes real wide, " ...that's how he knew?" I spoke into clarification recall the events that seemed like ages ago. Yet something didn't feel right. All churning in my stomach cramping and stirring, it was going somewhere. I yelped almost silently and leaned forward clutching my stomach. My head hurt and my ears were ringing. I felt all out of the sorts gasping and choking on the realization that was up ahead.

' Word on the street is that you agreed to show up. You better be ready to handle me tonight.'

That all made sense now. I whimpered feeling the pressure build up inside of my and into my throat. I didn't like where this was going. All of my fatigue plus all of these raging emotions were combining in the most derogatory sense making me feel like spilling over and passing out onto the floor.

But I couldn't, no. Not here. I could barely see out of both eyes. My mind ran around in circles and I was having trouble paying attention. I can't...no...I had to ask...before there would never be a moment of clarification like this.

I let out and breath and then pulled it back in choosing to ignore her back-handed comment, " So on second thought…", I choked out a breath then felt like gasping back onto it as my stomach did another flip and stirred within me, "...what were...you and Jeanette talking about at the table?", I tried to ignore the pain in my stomach. This feeling that wouldn't go away for the life of me. At this rate, my whole torso felt like it was on fire.

Eleanor looked confused, and I tried to bring my thoughts back to me, " You asked…", I tried to remember and think back bring my hand to my forehead and paused trying to process a thought in order. Being at the dinner table seemed like a lifetime ago, " You asked if she remembered what you told her." Instantly her eyes raised up in realization, her makeup still lightly smeared and her eyes watery.

Still even then I continued, not backing down, " Was it something about me you were discussing while you were on the phone with her?!", I barked wincing still as pain shot up and through me. I knew Jeanette was no gossip but Eleanor…? I wouldn't dream of it back then, but today it was possible. And it was true. I had heard her once I walked in.

"Jeanette was trying to convince me to invite you and I didn't want to! I said that once you got here, you would probably start acting like some arrogant asshole! The only reason I called you was because she said it sounded better if I invited you rather than her so we could sort all of this out and let bygones be bygones! ", she screamed back at me.

" And how did all of that work out, huh? So that's your excuse? ", I couldn't believe what Eleanor was saying, was she seriously going to stand here and play that game with me? " So you're goal still was to get me before I got you?! ", I couldn't contain myself, that comment was just too pathetic to be true. All this yelling and information was driving me into a deep, black hole. It was driving me crazy! I couldn't control myself anymore, I felt sick to my stomach.

" And I'm sorry, okay?! I should've never acted like that!", she threw her hand over her forehead before I could respond, " It was so selfish of me and I'm sorry! Its just that with all of this mess that happened over the years with the group and me starting an eating disorder a-and cutting...I just took out all of my anger on you, okay?! I shouldn't have done it!"

" Then how come you came in here to gossip about me!?", my questions came spewing out back and forth. I couldn't control it all. " I already had a run in with a reporter outside! Me and Jeanette did!", I was furious and my blood was boiling all over making me feel faint, but I just couldn't hold back now. My voice was cracking and felt dry and I felt myself slipping away.

"D-Do you know what could happen if whoever you told goes out and puts this shit out for everyone to see?! Did you ever think about that?! Do you think about anything anymore?!", my lips trembled and my voice was hoarse. She took a step back and wrapped her hands around herself shutting her eyes as more tears fell down in shame. " I put up with so much trouble every single day Eleanor, I don't need this shit anymore!", I felt tears rise again in anger and the price of fame hit me harder than before. My headache was becoming a splitting migraine and it had hit an all time high and I threw my hands over my forehead and let out an ear shattering scream.

It echoed down the halls and before I knew it, my mind was in flames and I couldn't see straight. I...I…

Creeeeaaak..

Oh no...not now….It couldn't be…

I was slowly beginning to drip out of consciousness. And then almost immediately, another fear of today was firmly exploited and footsteps were heard marching carefully towards us followed by a gasp that was heard.

" Brittany?!", a voice spoke that sounded like Jeanette, but I couldn't see. My hands still covered my face and I ran them up higher and let out a groan, my body was growing weaker. I couldn't take much more of this. Fame and fortune. Glitter and gold...was it all worth it anymore?

" Eleanor…", I heard her say and heels clicked towards us. I didn't wanna look at her. I felt so ashamed. " Elea- you guys…", I heard her say sadly stepping towards us, but I couldn't make sense of what was going on. I was just as frozen as Jeanette was and I felt the pain rise and I started to panic.

What is happening to me?!

"H-hi Jean…", Eleanor said sheepishly and I could make her out still having wrapped her arms around herself while I stood stuck, frozen with both of my hands covering my forehead. Silent tears creeping down my face. "What did...how…", Jeanette's soft voice trailed off and I peeked open my eyes very lightly only to have what was left of my heart shatter completely. Jeanette's lips quivered and she opened her mouth and covered it and a small cry came out as she looked between us. What had become of us through the years.

She darted her head back and forth between us and her eyes began to fill up with tears. I felt defeated. My spirit was consumed with all fear...sadness...guilt...I just didn't even know how to begin to describe the death I felt within me. I held no emotion on my face as my greatest fears came true. I knew Jeanette was already in the middle of everything, but what she was seeing right now, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Our hair was sweated out, our makeup was smeared. Tears saturated our faces and we were face to face looking like we just got out of a warzone. I still had my head in my hands barely able to construct the events going on in front of me. The pain in my body, my fatigue of today's events, it was late, the stirring in my stomach, my migraine….the truth….about Eleanor...I ruined her night. And now….

Jeanette gave another gasp and her lips trembled, " I-I thought….but how…?", her violet eyes were tearing up and filled with so much hurt and I could barely stand to look at them. It would remind me even more of the selfish brat I was. I sniffed lightly. The pain...it just wouldn't go away. Tears began to race down my face. It just wouldn't stop...I wanted it to stop.

"We're fine Jeanette...w-we just...we…", Eleanor sniffed loudly and folded her lips together and the shook her head and brought her hands to her face. Her cheeks and forehead slowly but surely grasped a hold of its former redness and she heaved and let out a series of painful sobs. On instinct, Jeanette looked back at me and back to Eleanor's cries that filled the room. Filled the room with sadness, hurt and pain. And that's when I remembered, I still needed to apologize to her...to Eleanor. And Jeanette.

Everything wasn't fixed like how Jeanette wanted it to be and that's what hurt the most. Jeanette couldn't hold onto herself anymore, her messy chocolate bun that was still delicate, seemed like it was falling out of place, just like all three of us. My hands were still on my face as tears ran its never ending course down my face and I stared at both of my sisters with sadness, yet emotionless. I was numb to the pain now.

Jeanette's face took a turn for the worse and her face twisted into sheer agony and her eyes filled with water and she smashed her hands into her face and broke out in silent sobs. " I -I….", she began and then stopped trembling and letting out many more endless sobs. I felt it. I felt her pain...I felt it because I knew why she was in pain. I knew. It was something that she never stopped telling me. But, I was afraid of what would happen if she said it again.

Jeanette gasped and hiccupped shaking her head unable to hide back anymore of her pain that she had been feeling over the years. I didn't have time to brace myself for the blow.

" I just wanted us to b-be….be a family again..", she finished smearing tears all over her face and letting out a series of sobs each more sounding more gruesome and painful to listen to after another. The pain of this was tearing me completely apart. I was unable to witness and process what was going on anymore. It was then that I felt my body check out. Both of them were unable to control their sobs escaping their lips in front of me and I felt myself crack. Crack under all of the pressure, all of the pain. All of the secrets…

I stood in a trance watching all of today bounce back and hit me one last final time and I stumbled back and everything in my body raced upwards. Fame had tore us apart. All of the presences and the sorrow...the guilt and the pain had run its course and now it was all ready to come out.

I heaved and coughed stumbling back feeling the movement shift inside of me. The light flickering in a rage told me it was time. Slowly I took a step back staring emotionlessly at the ground who smiled back and nodded. The walls helped me find my balance and what I was once afraid of now became my friends. The pain had a purpose and soon became my peace. What I was once afraid of confronting was now forcing me to bring it all out to the table.

It was too much..

I almost tripped walking backwards and in a daze, I saw Jeanette look up cautiously at me wiping her tear which were now fogging up her glasses, I gazed back at her in a trance. Suddenly, a hurling pain shot up through my stomach causing me to gasp out loud.

It was time.

Immediately, I heaved backwards and shot left pushing and barging the stall door wide open crashing it against the wall and was on my knees. The tormenting feeling had me slumped over and shot through me and had me vomiting up every ounce of pain I had in the toilet before I even had time to register what all had just happened and what I had done to us all.


~** Author's Note **~

*Yawn* Well that was boring. I know you guys wanted some excitement, but I digress. I tried. Hehe...Sooo….50 exact pages long...told you I'd make it up to you guys.

Needless to say, this was the HARDEST chapter I had ever written. Sooo many pages. I missed you guys, really I am so sorry, but I hope I made up for it. I know you all were waiting ever so patiently. Playstation has me working looong days man. Long.

Oh did I forget to mention? I'm a gamer and I got a job at Sony Playstation! I'm not on the streets selling pieces of my work for money! (Well, not today.) Was this chapter too dark? There was just so much to be said though... Was it bad? I feel like...well I don't know. I just hope it was worth the wait.

Remember if you liked what you read you know what to do.

Drop me a line! Not like a cutting...line...like a scar or something... Ah whatever you know what I mean.

XoxTristinaaaDuhhhhxoX