So, this one might have gotten me in trouble if it weren't for the fact that I can cut things out. What am I talking about? Well, I have had this rule 34 idea for a while, but it was one with a funny set up. If you want to continue to read to find out what it was, go ahead. For those that want nothing to do with this, page on to the next pilot. To be honest, I wouldn't blame you.

Back during my early days on this site, well before I wrote anything, I used to peruse the more… risqué parts of this site. Well, before the mods cracked down on it and made anything that edged on pr0n as verboten. But while I was looking all that over, I did see one series of one-shots that did catch my eye, since now that person has moved away from this platform and gone elsewhere (AO3, I believe), but during that time he never did cover a suggestion that I suggested; a certain anime staple. A certain thing that people like Zone-tan and Aki Dearest tend to like, tentacles.

As previously mentioned, this is not a subgenre that all people like and, again, I wouldn't blame you if you clicked off and waited for the next upload or just moved on to the next pilot in this repository. But hear me out, the setup for it is kind of funny and charming. At least as charming as pr0n can get.

Title: Harry Potter and this is why we have cross-contamination rules

Pairing: Luna x Harry, it's the only one that would make sense

Rating: If this were to come to fruition, NC-17 (aka Rule 34), but the setup scenes won't go anything above T+.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my copy of MS Word and my desktop. Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. The only thing I essentially own is this idea.

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Harry's life had always been strange thanks to the existence of magic and the fact that he was a wizard all along and not some kind of 'freak' like his uncle thought him to be. His life became even more strange with the marriage between him and one Luna Lovegood. Luna was an odd girl, but her oddness grew on him as the two met more and more often over their school life. Eventually, the two of them graduated from Hogwarts in their respective classes, although many believed that surviving and defeating Voldemort would qualify enough as a graduation itself.

Shortly thereafter the two of them got married and enjoyed a very comfortable life together. Five years after their graduation now Headmaster McGonagall had approached the two of them with a job offer: Harry a professor position in the de-jinxed Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Luna a professor position of Potions as Horace Slughorn was retiring the following year. The two jumped at the task and have enjoyed three years of gainful employment since.

Harry sat in his office going through the unfortunate monotony of grading reams of parchment his students submitted to him for homework. Some were fairly well-written others… he had to question if they knew the English language or not.

"Harry, I need you to come down to the dungeon to assist me with something," the voice of his wife requested. He lifted his head in time to see the Patronus of his beloved vanish into silver, glowing wisps.

He made his way into the Dungeons, previously used by Snape when he was still around. Before Luna had taken this position, it had been his most hated place in the world, now it was his second favorite. He entered the classroom to see his beloved cleaning up the day's potions.

"Harry, I need you to help me dispose of that cauldron over there," Luna pointed at a large cauldron which contained an oddly red potion in which something seemed off about it.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Today's classwork. I've already graded the samples that were submitted."

"So, you called me down here just so that I could carry things?" Harry asked in deadpan.

She cozied up to him, leaning into the crook of his neck. "You know you love me."

"I never said I didn't."

Harry picked up the cauldron and felt it slosh around. "What's in here, exactly?"

She paused for a moment before listing off, "Let's see… Dittany of Stamina, not to be confused with Pepper-up. Polyjuice contaminated with octopus. Lover's helper."

"Wait… They aren't all mixed together, are they?"

"…No?"

"You know there are regulations for a reason on mixing potions. You never know what will happen!"

Without warning, Harry tripped and fell backward, the potion spilling over him. The hair on his arms started to stand on end as he started to feel weird. His vision started to swim as his limbs began to elongate and resembled boneless limbs. His fingers began to resemble tentacles and they weren't the kind he would have seen on cephalopods. His eyes drifted to his wife and his eyes hazed over as he felt a desire to ravish every part of her all at the same time. He lunged at her and ripped away her clothing. She squealed, but something about it felt off.

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Scene missing because it is verboten.

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Luna laid on the cold hard stone of the Dungeon. She was crumpled in a heap covered in various bodily fluids that belonged to both her and Harry. The latter of whom currently was leaking out of her various orifices. She breathed in huskily with her half-lidded eyes in satisfaction. This didn't go unnoticed by her husband.

"You planned all of this, didn't you?" Harry asked. He too was in a state of similar satisfaction and his body was finally returning to a more human state.

"Maybe," she said in her chipper voice which was currently laced with a post-climaxed huskiness that pushed all the right buttons. "Would you be mad if I said it wasn't?"

"I'd be more concerned that you mixed so many potions together haphazardly."

"It wasn't haphazardly done, I tested it on some of my seventh years. I can say that the satisfied look on miss Durston's face was genuine. I was afraid that her boyfriend broke her mind."

"We should probably get you cleaned up."

Harry moved to get his wand, but Luna stopped him. "Are you sure you don't want to clean up the more fun way?" she asked with that half-lidded, aroused look she gave him when she wanted something.

"I can't see why not." Luna tried to stand up but was unable to as her legs were like jelly. Several dozen orgasms would apparently do that. Harry, being the epitome of a gentleman picked her up in what all women desired that their men did, or at least in romantic films and books, the princess carry.

As she was carried from her classroom to their apartment in the castle, Luna couldn't help but think about the possibilities for the future. 'Perhaps I should call up Gabrielle, Padma, and Daphne on the floo. They're all single and maybe I should have them stop on by for tea. That should be interesting,' she thought as she giggled to herself.

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And that's it for that one. Yeah, sorry I can't really write more on this one but you'll have to use your imagination. I'm pretty sure you can go browse on a certain website that starts contains HH or the manga website that has an "F!" as their logo and get some ideas if you don't already. Note: only go there if you're over the age of 18 or the age of majority in your country in which laws like this apply. Legal disclaimer over, there isn't much more to this and I more than likely am not going to expand on it. This was just one of those weird one-shot ideas that I probably will never come back to but laugh at a little at how silly it is.

That's all I really have for this one as I said, it was a weird little one-shot that stuck around in my mind for a long time that I just wanted to get out there, and I quickly typed it up.

Let me know what you think… or, on the other hand, maybe not. But anyway, I'll see you in whatever I do next.