I recently purchased Super Mario Odessey and an idea popped into my head: that being there's a long-running fan theory in video game-dom which states that Princess Peach and the entirety of the Mushroom Kingdom, as well as Bowser and his minions, are all in on kidnapping Peach for one reason or another. I mean, why else would Bowser and his minions be on such good terms with the main cast of heroes to go on golf outings, baseball tourneys, tennis matches, racing Grand Prix's, etc. that all of the side games cover? Outside of the fact that Nintendo wishes to cash in on their characters, of course. I'm talking about internal consistent logic and many theorists out there (like MatPat of Game Theory, despite what I think about some of his content he is one of the more popular ones) have used Super Mario Bros. 3 as evidence that everything past the first game is all for show, staged for everyone. One of the ideas I wanted to explore is that all of the "boys" involved are on good terms and do things weekly. And so, this is how this not total rip-off of Poker Night at the Inventory came to be.
Summary: The Mushroom Kingdom has had a long-term conspiracy that literally everyone is in on: Princess Peach has a kidnapping kink. In between her "kidnapping" attempts the main, male actors get together in "boys' nights". Tonight, it's poker night.
Rating: Implied M activities, more-so T+.
Disclaimer: I own nothing other than my copy of MS Word and my desktop. The Super Mario series belongs to Nintendo and the core concept behind this idea has been a long-running fan theory for years, I only own the interactions displayed. See the foreword for the full disclaimer.
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A transport pipe spat out two overalled individuals carrying various preferred booze as they walked towards a hellish looking castle. The two guards in front of the gatehouse waved them through as they had seen these two before, it was probably because they had. They walked through the castle halls passing various creatures that waved to the two and the two waved back. The frightening halls opened up to more 'homely' feeling halls the deeper they went in. The two entered a room that held a poker table a full liquor bar, and lounge seating on the side in front of a well-made fireplace.
"Mario, Luigi, welcome!" a booming voice announced their presence. It was none other than Bowser, the Koopa King himself. "We were just about to begin!"
The two set their drinks on the bar and a paratroopa bartender took them behind to put them in the fridge. "We're a-meetin' in New Donk City next month, right?" Luigi asked.
"Isle Delfino's main plaza. They built a new beachside tiki bar."
"It is going to be-a winter soon, good call," Mario commented.
The trio took a seat at the poker table and prepared for the boys' night. They were soon joined by Toad and Waluigi of all people who had been invited by King Boo. "An interesting crowd tonight," Toad commented.
"King Boo here invited me," Waluigi replied to the comment.
"Who's-a dealing?" Mario asked.
"Me," King Boo replied as he came out of the table with a dealer's hat instead of his crown and started to deal the cards.
All participants started to chip in the opening bets. "How's-a Junior?" Luigi asked.
"Junior's doing fine. Been acting up lately and Kamek has been noticing his grades slipping. Thinks it might be early onset teenage angst," Bowser replied while checking his cards and raising the bet.
"Could be a cry for attention."
Bowser hummed in thought. "I should sit down with him sometime." He looked to Mario. "How's your domestic life?"
"The Princess is-a... getting in THAT-a mood again," Mario replied, the tone he used sounded tired.
Bowser and Luigi both let out a breath of empathy, they knew what was going to happen soon. "'That' mood?" Waluigi asked.
"That's right!" Toad exclaimed in realization, "You're new to all of this." He looked at his cards and raised as well. "How much do you know about Princess Peach?"
"About as much as anyone. Beloved by her subjects, seen by many as kindhearted. Outside the Mushroom Kingdom, people are confused as to why she's kidnapped so many times and never has retaliated afterward."
"There's a reason for that."
"The Princess has a kidnapping kink," Mario finished flatly while chipping in a raise.
"What?" Waluigi was clearly confused.
"Yeah, she gets off on getting kidnapped and rescued," Bowser added, same flat tone as well, calling the bet.
"She likes getting tied up and all that in the bedroom, but it only does so much," Mario started to explain. "Now the elaborate kidnappings that Bowser helps in? Oooh, how the sparks-a fly when she gets back to the castle. The passion!"
Bowser looked over to their newcomer. "Yeah, so once a year or two all of the main players get together and start plotting a new, elaborate kidnapping attempt for when the Princess starts getting bored in the bedroom with Mario there."
"That doesn't seem healthy," Waluigi commented, he finally caught up to the game and chipped in again.
"It is what it is," Mario dismissed him.
"I'm just glad that Daisy is easier to please than Peach," Luigi prodded.
"Yeah, because she's always on top," Mario prodded back at his brother.
"She's not always on top," Luigi tried to rebut the callout. "Not always," he muttered.
"Grow some cajones, Green," Boo egged on. "Take command and show her how a real Italian man does it," he eerily laughed.
"Him show initiative?" Toad laughed. "The last time he showed any initiative is when he was hypnotized!" Luigi's face lit up in embarrassment, no one really let him live that one down.
"What about the time I saved Mario from King Boo's brother in that mansion scheme?" Luigi argued.
"You were GIVEN the mansion; you didn't go out of your way to buy it. Reactionary, not initiative."
"So, what's the plan this time?" Bowser asked, attempting to get the conversation back on topic.
"She's a-been talking about weddings and the like. Been binging those bridal shows on the-a TV," Mario started. "Maybe a wedding scheme?"
"Considering how high profile it is, and her tastes in her kink, we'd have to make it an elaborate one. I can try and reach out to some contacts across the globe to see how big we can make it."
"You think she's thinking of settling down?" Luigi asked.
"Even if that was the case, she's still into being kidnapped," Toad interjected.
The newcomer was flabbergasted. "Is this all you talk about?"
"No, but this is how all the schemes come about," King Boo said as he laid out the River card. "Has been for a long time. Welcome to the club."
To be continued…?
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That's all I have for this idea this time. This was a much shorter idea considering I cranked it out in a relatively short amount of time. I think the main reason why it is so short is because of the fact that there isn't much else to discuss in this idea which doesn't come down to guy talk and shitting on each other (as we are wont to do). I've got a little more of a grand idea that I've been working on on-and-off over the last few weeks and I hope to complete that one next. But as an idea, what did you think of this one? Let me know in the usual places.
Until next time.
