Chapter Ten
The Past Is A Foreign Country
I arrived nearly an hour earlier than I expected in the small city of Sedona. I was so eager to arrive, that I made only one stop for gas and to use the restroom. The traffic was light and mostly flowing in the opposite direction. I felt quite pleased with myself.
My powerful new vehicle had eaten up the miles and I could admit my foot had been a little too heavy at times. My telephone friend had advised me on the choice. I'd been hesitant at first, but he assured me it was an excellent purchase from a reputable manufacturer. He wanted me to be safe and I appreciated his care for me.
I smiled as I pulled up in the hotel carpark and sat in the cocoon of warmth and new car smell. I removed my sunglasses and tossed them aside on the dashboard as I looked through the windscreen. The early afternoon sunshine painted bright colours and points of light on the lovely scene of red rocks and a melting covering of overnight snow.
The city's style of architecture blended well with the surrounding wilderness. It was a perfect setting for a crime novel with a romantic theme. I felt my spirits rise even further with anticipation. As always, my friend on the other end of the telephone line had been unerringly accurate. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised. He was not given to flights of fancy.
"Thank you…" I smiled as I opened the door and got out just as a young bellhop came hurrying up with his luggage cart. I thanked him as he loaded the cart with my suitcases.
"All part of the service…" He grinned as he touched two fingers to the brim of his cap and then hurried back toward the hotel.
I could understand his keenness not to linger outside. The sharp winter weather was bracing. The clear mountain air smelled like the finest wine. But there was also the chill factor and the cold wind was lazy. It tried to cut right through me rather than going around. I was glad for the warmth of my jeans, thick sweater and leather jacket. I settled my body deeper into my clothing as I turned the collar up to shield my cheeks from the biting cold.
I quickly followed the bellhop's lead toward the warmth of the hotel lobby. I frowned as I noticed a man who was walking some way ahead of me, also keen to get inside out of the cold. His strides were long and impatient as he followed his bellhop toward the front doors.
My breathing snagged in my throat as I stared at his back view. He was tall and broad-shouldered, wearing a heavy sheepskin jacket, that only added to his size, over black jeans and sensible hiking boots. My mouth dried and my heart skipped a beat with a sudden surge of desire.
"Oh, come on…" I shook my head in disbelief.
One glance and I was gone. But I'd never expected my mental image of my romantic hero to come so vividly to life right before my eyes once again. I knew it wasn't Devon this time. It couldn't be... He was still hundreds of miles away in LA and besides, sheepskin jackets and denims were certainly not his style. Nor were those sensible boots.
Over the last six months, I'd imagined him safely back behind some corporate desk somewhere, dressed in one of his tailored Saville Row suits, as he saved the world from a new kind of disaster once more. It was the burning question I'd wanted to ask my telephone confidante.
What was Devon doing with himself now he was no longer running FLAG? The mental image kept me from trying to re-establish contact with him.
I knew it was impossible for me to go back. The memories were just too painful, and I was not that big a fool to think we could make it work if he was still putting his life in danger for the greater good.
Impelled by feminine curiosity, I hurried my steps to catch up with the man ahead of me before I lost sight of him in the hotel. I couldn't see the colour of his hair because the wide collar of his jacket was turned up against the back of his head. Therefore, I could happily imagine his hair to be blond and curling, long at the nape of his neck, and his eyes a deep and beautiful blue.
'Oh, yes, please…'
Of course, I knew real life was never going to be as good as fiction. I tried to rein in my galloping expectations and resigned myself to finding out he was older than I imagined with ordinary brown eyes and hair, and probably going bald. My mouth thinned as I sighed.
"And he'll be married, as well…" I clung to my sense of anticipation for a few moments longer as the man reached out one large hand to push through the glass doors leading into the hotel's lobby.
I quickened my steps to catch up, the heels of my boots tapping on the tiled entranceway. He must have heard me approaching because he stood aside and held the door open for me to pass through ahead of him. His innate courtesy made me smile even as my insides turned to jelly with fresh wanting.
Surely, he couldn't look as delicious as he first appeared…
And then time seemed to telescope down to a crawl. I became aware of his large, capable hand, with its sprinkling of fine golden hairs on the back, easily holding the door open for me.
I vividly remembered those same long fingers caressing my skin and my breathing got all tangled up with a burning rush of desire that went straight to the most intimate parts of my body. The man had been always like an addictive drug. He'd been young and incredibly vital then, and I could never get enough. Not if we'd had all of eternity together…
The watch on his left wrist was a newer model than the old one he used to wear with its brown leather strap. This watch was large and looked very expensive. A man's watch, for someone used to being in charge. He smelled divine and he was still as sexy as hell...
I inhaled him deeply, setting off all sorts of alarm bells inside me. It was a clean, fresh aftershave that only added to his already high level of sophistication. I knew it was a very expensive brand and very hard to source in this country. I never expected to ever smell that same cologne again.
I lifted my eyes to his face and the world seemed to tilt and fall away beneath my feet. I raised one hand to my open mouth to try and cover my shock…
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Her beautiful sea-green eyes collided with mine and I could never afterwards say which of us was the more surprised. I certainly knew I looked as utterly stunned as I felt. She leaned back against the glass door behind her as if she was about to fall.
"Devon?" I heard my name spoken but I could not believe what I was hearing.
I closed my eyes for a second. 'No, it couldn't be…'
She tried again. "Devon? I… What are you doing here?"
I opened my eyes as I inhaled her fresh perfume. It filled my parched senses anew. I knew it was her. I would have known her anywhere. Mingled with the heady scent from the large crystal vases full of roses in the lobby, once more she seemed like the very essence of a warm summer's day. Only it was December and cold outside. It didn't matter…
'My sweet, beautiful Luciana…'
The colour in her cheeks had abruptly changed from a rosy warm from the cold outside to ashen pale with shock. By reflex, I held the door open with my back as I reached to take her arm in case she did fall.
"Luciana… I mean, Carolyn…" I shook my head in bewilderment. "What are you doing here?"
I noticed she didn't make any attempt to pull away from my grasp on her upper arm. She seemed incapable of movement. She stared up at me with wide-open eyes above her fingers that were pressed against her trembling lips. The voice of her eyes was truly deeper than all roses and I found myself drowning in their clear depths…
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"Devon…" I finally managed to say again. "What exactly are you doing here? I mean, here in Sedona."
I couldn't move and I couldn't help staring up at him with my fingers still against my open mouth. 'Luciana…' His intimate name for me arrowed right to the very heart of my being. I'd always loved hearing him call me that.
'Cuisle mo chroí… the pulse of my heart…' I wanted to hear him say that again too.
The first time we met again, after thirty-five years, he'd been wearing an expensive tailored suit and tie. Then, in those weeks while I was recovering in hospital, he'd abandoned the jacket and tie. He'd opened the collar of his business shirt and rolled up his sleeves. He sometimes appeared unshaven, adding a level of rumpled sexiness that I hadn't expected to see and silently desired.
Until this moment, I truly didn't know how much I'd missed him. He was my love and had been my lover. How could I not miss him? My breathing got all tangled up with vivid memory.
I did my best to process his new look. He'd been gorgeous enough in his expensive business attire, but now he was mouth-wateringly magnificent. And close enough to me that all I had to do was take two steps and I would be in his arms. The wanton temptation was there, hidden in plain sight.
I dropped my hand from my lips. "Oh, Devon…"
I became aware of other people wanting to get into the hotel and they were pushing past us as we semi-blocked the open doorway. There were comments made and words said that were not complimentary.
"Come on…" Devon shook his head as he used his grip on my upper arm to draw me away from the doors. "We can't talk here," he said. "We'll get checked in and then sort out what we're going to do."
"No, I don't think I'll be staying after all." I stiffened in his hold. "I'll collect my luggage and drive back to Santa Fe. If I leave now, I should make it by nightfall. It's been… nice to see you again."
I tried to remove my arm from his close grip, but he was having none of it. "Please let me go," I begged softly, not wishing to make a scene.
"No, Carolyn. Not until we've talked. I promised myself that if we ever met again, we were going to talk. About everything. I want there to be no more secrets between us. No more misunderstandings. We owe that to the Edward I used to be and to your son… our son. You will stay one night and then, if you still want to leave in the morning, I won't lift a finger to prevent you."
I stiffened my stance. "I won't agree to stay unless I'm completely free to go in the morning if I decide to do so."
Devon watched me closely. "If you really want to leave in the morning, then I swear I won't try to stop you."
"You stopped me this time." I frowned up at him.
He leaned closer. "Did I? he asked softly. "Did I?"
"I…" I was at a loss for what else I could say. He'd left the exit wide open. All I had to do was turn and walk away. Leave him behind once more.
Oh, he was very good… I closed my eyes as my stomach tightened and my resistance crumbled. He'd played his trump card by mentioning our son and he knew it.
"Very well…" I allowed him to take charge of the situation and followed his lead.
Devon told the receptionist our names and she greeted us with a full-wattage smile which didn't quite meet her eyes. She frowned, looking somewhat non-plussed for a moment at seeing us together, but recovered quickly as she assigned us our rooms. I noted that they were consecutive numbers. Deep suspicion that we'd been neatly set up settled into my bones and I started to figure out who the culprits were.
The young woman turned the registration book back around and her smile widened. "I'll have your luggage sent up to your rooms." She handed over the keys to our rooms and then hesitated. "Ah, the hotel's restaurant is open for lunch if either of you two are hungry." She beamed at us expectantly.
Devon raised his eyebrows at me. "Are you hungry?"
"Well, yes…" I nodded quickly even though my stomach was in knots. "I could eat something light."
"Oh, I think you'll find our steaks are excellent or may I suggest the Lobster Thermidor," the receptionist added brightly. "It's a speciality of the house. Good food helps to keep the cold out. The restaurant is that way." She waved an expansive hand toward a set of fancy glass doors on the far side of the lobby. "Bon Appetit."
My nervous stomach revolted at the thought of such rich food, but I nodded quickly. "That all sounds lovely."
"Come on…" A note of wry amusement underscored Devon's command as he took my arm again and escorted me toward the doors.
The maître d' greeted us fulsomely and escorted us to an empty table set in front of the windows overlooking the entrance to the hotel. The place was half-full so we were conveniently isolated, and no one could overhear what we were about to say to each other.
"Please sit down." Devon drew out my chair for me.
I thanked him as I shed my jacket, and he hung it on the back of my seat. As I sat down, I noticed the commlink on his right wrist. I remembered he used it to communicate with Kitt when I was in the hospital. Sometimes Kitt had talked to me directly through it. The tiny red light winked at me, and I knew the car was listening to our conversation.
I waited until Devon removed his heavy sheepskin jacket and took his seat on the other side of the table. His knees brushed closely against mine, beneath the cover of the tablecloth. I tried not to notice the electric contact as the maître d' handed us our menus and summoned a waiter before he bustled away. The waiter took our drinks order and left us alone.
"I see you've brought Kitt with you," I said to Devon as he opened his menu. "Are you both on some kind of new, undercover mission to save the world? Is that why you're here together?"
I waited for his answer and dreaded it. Everything inside me froze with the expectation that my dreams were about to be dashed once more.
I couldn't stay here if he was still putting his life in danger. I could not go back there again. Without thinking, I pressed two fingers to the scar on my shoulder as I waited for his reply.
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I lowered my menu to look across at her. "No, I'm permanently out of the business of saving the world. I have other work to keep me occupied now. Kitt's only on loan for the next few days. He usually works with Michael in his private investigation work back in LA."
"Oh, I'm so glad." Carolyn nodded quickly. "I hated to think of you still putting your life in grave danger." She'd pressed two fingers to where she'd been shot in her left shoulder but now, she lowered her hand as her tight expression slowly relaxed. "You must tell me all about what you're doing now. It sounds… interesting."
"It is…" I took heart from those words.
They said that she was considering staying long enough for me to tell her about my photography work and why I was here in Sedona. I could see she was trying to make sense of it all. Who had engineered this neat little plot to bring us together again and why.
"I think we both know we've been set up by some well-meaning people," I commented evenly. "And the only world I'm trying to save now is the one we once had back in London. The world of you and me."
I saw how the honesty of my words impacted her. I moved my knee against hers deliberately beneath the table again. She didn't pull away or object. I watched as her pale cheeks slowly regained their colour and then turned a deeper shade of embarrassed rose. I knew I would never tire of looking at her.
'Cuisle mo chroí… the pulse of my heart…' The Irish in me rose and began to sing that same sweet refrain again. I couldn't help it. 'Grá mo chroí… love of my heart…'
I sighed heavily as I absorbed her soft beauty. There was so much more I wanted to say to her.
We were back in front of Schrödinger's confounded puzzle box again. Now we both needed to find the courage to open it and discover the truth. Was our love truly dead or still alive and worth our efforts to try and save it?
I shook my head. "On my side, I have Michael, Stevie, Bonnie and RC. They've all moved up to Montecito and started their own investigations enterprise together. I'm sure even Kitt had a hand in this reunion somewhere. It was his idea I come out to Sedona to see the sights."
"Lucy, my loving daughter who adores a happy ever after ending to any romance," Carolyn confessed with a deeply rueful smile. "Along with Maria, my housekeeper and good friend. They conspired to get me here. I doubt either of my sons know anything about this meeting and it's best if it stays that way."
She paused and shifted uncomfortably as if she was about to make some momentous confession. I held my breath. 'Now what?'
"And Kitt," she finally said in a rush of exhaled breath. "He and I have been talking over the telephone for the last four months or so. He's a very good listener and has become a friend. Or so I thought."
The commlink on my wrist beeped. "I'm sorry, Devon. But we could all see you were both deeply miserable." Kitt paused and then said, "And Carolyn, you arrived nearly an hour earlier than I anticipated. I must apologise if you think I have deceived you in any way. It was never my intention and all who love you could see you were suffering. I did my very best to help. I am a very good listener."
"Yes, you are," Carolyn acknowledged. "And I appreciate all your help and thank you for it. We will talk about it at another time. But I'm not angry with you."
"Thank you," Kitt replied. "I would not wish to offend anyone. We all did what we thought was for the best. You both have unresolved issues that need to be worked out."
"You haven't offended me." Carolyn looked back at me. "But this is a deeply personal conversation we need to have between the two of us. Good afternoon, Kitt." She pointed to the commlink on my wrist. "Please turn it off and take it off."
"Of course," I responded immediately. I pressed the off button and then unbuckled the commlink from my wrist. I pushed it deep into the side pocket of my jacket draped on the back of my chair.
"Thank you." Carolyn nodded, seeing that I was prepared to do anything and everything she asked of me without hesitation.
I felt the tension in my body easing slightly. Maybe things were going to be all right between us after all. I felt sure she was going to stay. At least for one night. Surely that would be all I needed to get her to stay with me forever…
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I was relieved to see Devon did not argue about the commlink. I didn't want there to be any more misunderstandings between us. We really did need to talk. It was so very long overdue. The first words would be the hardest to say.
The waiter reappeared with our drinks and asked if we were ready to order. That took the focus off us and back onto the mundane. I opted for a light meal of pan-fried fish and a green salad.
Devon settled on a meal of char-grilled steak with French fries. Inwardly, I marvelled at his ability to eat anything when my insides were all in a tangled mess of conflicting emotions.
I took a moment's refuge in the fruit juice I ordered. Then I looked up again and found him watching me. I knew he was waiting for me to begin the conversation we should have had the day we met and for me to be comfortable expressing my thoughts.
"That day we met again, back in LA..." I drew a long steadying breath and released it. "I really did think I was dreaming. I tried to convince myself it wasn't you, it couldn't be. But something deep inside me knew the truth. I would have known you anywhere."
I raised one shoulder. "That morning, I felt as if I was twenty again. As if everything that had happened between our last goodbye and that moment had only been some kind of strange dream. I felt as if I was dreaming. You had come back to me, and I couldn't have asked for more, then."
"I wasn't even sure you were real…" Devon turned his dewy glass of iced mineral water with his long fingers. I stared at the movement of his elegant hand. The memory of his intimate touch shivered through me.
"But we're no longer those same two young, starry-eyed lovers who couldn't get enough of each other," I admitted softly. "We grew up. We changed and became other people. I married someone else because they told me you had died. There was nothing else I could do."
"There was nothing left for me in the UK when they said you were dead." Devon's blue eyes clouded with regret as he looked across the table at me. "That day in LA, I tried to tell you that the world I moved in when I was with FLAG could not be for us. And look what it did to you. It nearly got you killed all over again."
"And that was entirely my own fault for not listening to you," I quickly absolved him of all blame. "Someone once said that the past is a foreign country and there cannot be any going back to the way things used to be. No matter how much we wish it could be so. I can see the truth of that now. We cannot change a single thing of what happened."
The waiter appeared with our meals, stifling our conversation. He left us alone again after Devon assured him, we needed nothing more and were happy with the service.
Devon sighed as he frowned at me. "I agree we cannot go back to the way things used to be between us. But surely, we can go forward. If that's what you want. There's so much more we need to say to each other."
His brow cleared as he regarded me steadily. "We fell in love and something rare and beautiful was created. Our son is the living testament to that. For me, every minute we spent together has been seared into my memory. I've never forgotten a single moment."
He held my gaze for several rapid heartbeats before he looked down and began dealing with his meal with quick, economic movements. The silence stretched between us stretched into minutes. I knew he was waiting for me to say if I was still considering staying or going. He'd given me that option when we first checked in.
"What we had was rare and very beautiful…" I finally said, as I pushed my food around the plate.
My small appetite had left me. I wanted other things. I needed things other than food. I'd decided I would stay the night.
I was deeply aware we were standing before Schrödinger's puzzle box once more. We both needed to find the courage to open it and discover the ultimate truth. Was our love long dead and buried or was it still alive and worth our efforts to try and save it?
I decided not to hesitate any longer. One of us had to make the first move. And Devon was silently asking me to make it. To accept the now and see where it could take us. He knew what he wanted.
I put down my fork and held out my hand across the table between us. "Good afternoon," I said cordially. "I'm Carolyn Bridges, and you are?"
"Devon Miles…" His sudden smile of relief told me all I needed to know.
Within an instant his hand was clasping mine and the tip of his middle finger began to move lightly, unconsciously caressing, across the betraying pulse that was leaping inside my inner wrist. It was something he often did when we first got together. It was one of the many things he did that made me fall in love with him. That hadn't changed in the last thirty-five years. My abiding passion for this beautiful man was as immutable and undeniable as the red rocks all around us.
Of course, the intimate contact tingled instantly along all my senses. I couldn't prevent the rush of warmth that flooded into my cheeks. But this time I didn't pull away as I looked deeply into his beautiful eyes and felt as if I could drown in their clear blue depths.
"We could go for a walk," I said impulsively, drawing my hand slowly back from his warm grasp. "We could be alone."
As if in answer to my query, the wind outside picked up some of the small snowdrifts and threw them against the huge picture windows beside us. Devon shook his head as he pushed his half-empty plate aside. He waved his hand at the maître d' to bring him the bill.
"Or maybe not…" I shrugged as Devon settled our account with cash he'd pulled from his wallet.
"We could go for a drive," he offered. "We still have a lot to talk about and catch up on. We could find a quiet place to park, away from any interruptions." He looked around the slowly emptying restaurant and the ever-present wait staff who were still watching us expectantly when we made no move to leave.
"All right. But we'll take my car," I added quickly as I pushed back my chair and stood up.
I gathered my jacket and shrugged it on. Devon rose to his feet and did the same, settling the heaviness of his sheepskin jacket onto his shoulders. I tried not to stare up at him as he came around to my side of the table, but I couldn't help it.
"Understood," he said quietly, knowing I meant I did not wish for Kitt to overhear what we had to say to each other.
He stood aside to indicate I should go before him. Instead, I wrapped both hands around his left bicep and hugged his arm against my chest. He lifted one hand to close his fingers over mine as we crossed the lobby and headed toward the main doors and the cold world outside.
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