Chapter 39: Changes

A/N: Listen, I can't tell you how many times I switched the events of this chapter around until it suited my liking. I think that's what ultimately took me so long to update. Next chapter is definitely going to be something serious and you'll see what I mean by the end. In the meantime, I'm going to try and have another fic updated before then, presumably Heat of the Moment or Arbiter of Fate. I'm still figuring things out.

Sidenote: Ya girl will be attending the Renaissance Tour next week and I know I'm probably going to pass out at least three times. Just say a prayer up for me and hope I keep it together. Until next time!


If you're honest, you can admit that you hadn't felt the urge to cook in a while. Given that you'd been light snacking virtually all day so to say you were craving a nicely made meal was an understatement.

Not knowing exactly when John would return home, you decided to prepare a nice dinner for the both of you. Considering the varying options, you decided on a pasta recipe you saw online.

It looked to be a fairly easy meal to prepare and thankfully you had all the necessary ingredients in the kitchen so an impromptu store run wasn't needed. You followed all the instructions down to a t even though you think you might have over indulged on the garlic. You're mixing the pasta in the sauce when you hear the engine of John's mustang presumably pulling into the garage.

After you turn the stove eye off, you add the pasta to the pot of sauce and mix it as fast as you can manage. The sound of the engine cuts off and you wipe your hands before moving towards the foyer.

As he comes through the door, you immediately jump on him, wrapping your legs around his waist. The action clearly takes the man by surprise but that doesn't stop him from placing his hands underneath your thighs to maintain your weight.

The two of you share a deep kiss before you pull away to look at him. "I made pasta."

He regards you for a moment before he pats your backside. "Down."

He took up his usual place at the dinner table while you retrieved two porcelain bowls from the cabinet. You filled the bowls with various amounts of steaming pasta, him receiving a more heftier portion while your portion was significantly smaller than your usual intake. It wasn't nearly as much as you'd usually eat but it would have to do.

It immediately reminded you of the conversation you had with your friends when they showed up to the house nearly five hours ago…

In truth, you should've seen it coming.

For some time now, Jasmine and Alexis had been on your head about you not leaving the house, so they took it upon themselves to suddenly pop up on John's doorstep. They used to do the same thing when you lived primarily at your apartment, showing up and walking in like they paid the rent.

You just about fell over when you received a random text from the group chat telling you to come outside just to open the door and find them both standing on the porch. In their hands were half empty bags of fast food they likely picked on the drive.

Regardless of them being adamant about coming back over to the house you now shared with John, you hadn't expected them to just show up out of the blue. Most notably, you couldn't believe that they actually remembered how to get to the somewhat secluded area where he lived in the first place. It had only been a few days since you paid them a visit but leave it to your friends to act as if a whole month had gone by since then.

From the second they walked in and saw him, it took a while to convince them that the large black pit-bull was a sweetheart and wouldn't attack them. Sweetface looked slightly disheartened whenever he tried to get close to them and they just about jumped over the furniture. Even considering his reaction, you knew you had to get them to chill before they tore up the living room.

Funnily enough, Sweetface seemed to be quite fond of Jasmine who's normally terrified of dogs, including the ones on the smaller side.

After you calmed the pair down, it wasn't long before you had to tell Alexis several times to stop touching shit and stay where you could see her.

Regardless, the joy of having them present warmed your heart. And despite feeling oddly comforted by their arrival, you had to say your piece about their impromptu visit. "Y'all just can't be doing pop-ups like this."

"What you gonna do put us out?"

"Hell yeah! I didn't know y'all were coming. You can't just be showing up at this man's house."

You might not see the harm in it but you weren't sure if your significant other would share the same sentiment. So while the pair settled in the front room, you shot a quick text to John informing him of their presence in the house. Even with you moving in, you still regarded the house as John's entirely.

"I already had to ask him if it was cool that y'all come over. Don't abuse that privilege."

"Girl you live here now, this is your house! So by default that makes it our house." She enunciated, gesturing to herself and Jasmine.

Her own skewered logic made sense to her and that was all that mattered.

The hitman had been gone for most of the day and had yet to return, leaving you and Sweetface to your own devices for the time being. It didn't worry you that much. Whatever business he may have, the man usually handled it discreetly.

Considering that the hitman hasn't taken on any work since the incident with the landlord, he may be preparing to get the ball rolling again. After all, he could only put it off for so long before an opportunity sought him out. You didn't know just how many more jobs he would take before he decided it was enough. Given his financial status, you were sure that money wasn't a concern. It likely had more to do with him how and when he would execute his retirement. Whatever the reason was, you knew it was just better to trust his judgment regarding the matter.

Soon afterwards your phone vibrated with a notification from him. A quick glance at the screen confirmed that he'd given a simple yet consenting reply that actually had you questioning whether or not he was actually okay with you having them over. It was possible that he knew you craved any sort of company. And there's been several hints since he formally met the pair that indicated that he found the two of them very amusing. They're usually around when he's not present but when he is you think he just likes to listen in on the girl talk and lingo between the three of you.

The three of you lounged about the sofa comfortably, chatting about various things. Already your cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling so hard at them.

Sitting back on the couch, you posed a question with the utmost seriousness, in spite of the playful conversation. "I'm going to ask ya'll something and I want you to be totally honest."

"Okay…"

"Does it look like I've changed? Like physically?"

"Well…it does look like you gained weight."

The statement instantly threw you for a loop.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…it depends on what area of your body we're talking about."

"You were just supposed to say no!" You yelled.

"Well you told us to be honest!"

Ordinarily, you would've gone off on a tangent and listed all the ways in which they changed but you had to remember that you were the one who asked for an appraisal. You didn't have the right to get defensive when they clearly meant no real harm with their comments. Just like in your mother's case - it was more of an honest observation from them.

You twirled the straight end of a single loose braid between your fingers thoughtfully.

"I don't know, you do look a little plump in the face. Just a little bit." She said, pinching her fingers close together.

You nearly rolled your eyes towards the ceiling.

Considering that you specifically asked for their opinion, you can't act as if you weren't bothered by their choice of words.

You smoothed down the wrinkles from the edge of your sweatshirt. You haven't done much to change your appearance but lately you favored mostly loose, comfortable clothing to lounge around in. Even now, you were dressed in an oversized sweatshirt and leggings. You couldn't pretend not to notice how your bras fit differently or how your pants felt slightly tighter every now and then.

Luckily, Alexis quickly sought to change the subject so the exchange wouldn't turn more awkward than it already was.

The truth was you already knew what they were saying had some truth to it, which was harder to admit to yourself than it should've been. You guess you just can't stand it being pointed out in the way that it had. That was the only explanation that made sense. It's not easy for a person to be confronted with their insecurities.

"Whether it's weight gain or something else, you do look different."

"Different like how?"

"I don't know how to describe it, there's a glow about you."

Truthfully, you didn't know how to respond to that. "Thank you I guess."

"We didn't mean it to sound bad or anything."

"I know." You uttered bowing your head.

Either way, there had to be some truth to what she was saying, as you certainly had been feeling much differently lately but you simply attributed it towards how you'd been slowly getting back to yourself again. You were feeling much better now than you had in weeks. Or perhaps the change had more to do with your state of mind and the fact that you're actually taking care of yourself. Nonetheless, it gets weirdly silent afterwards and you nearly struggle trying not to squirm uncomfortably, folding your arms around yourself protectively.

For nearly five hours, you humored your friends and their antics before they ultimately left and you began preparing dinner. That one conversation with them was still fresh on your mind even after they'd left.

Soon after, you bring the bowls of food over to the table and take a seat next to him.

You watch your lover pick up his utensil and begin eating before you even think to pick up your own fork. "Is it bad? It's only my first time making it so I don't know if it's good or not."

John quietly chewed the food in his mouth and swallowed before he offered a reply. "It's good."

"I'm glad." You sighed happily, letting the satisfaction from the recipe turning out alright distract you.

Nevertheless, you consumed the pasta in a measured fashion, the creamy succulent sauce melting pleasantly on your tongue - the flavor unexpected but certainly not unappetizing.

The only difference this time was that you didn't want to appear overly boorish with your table manners, slowly taking small forks of pasta at a time. At this point in the relationship, the two of you knew full well that you consumed any food with an almost shameless vigor that rivaled even the more decorated of eaters.

Even as your bowl of pasta depleted faster than you liked, you tried to ignore how hungry you still were, drinking more gulps of water in order to try to accommodate it.

Eventually, the feeling of being watched prickled over your skin and you glanced up for a moment only to notice your lover staring at you with an inscrutable countenance. John had ceased consuming his own food, merely regarding you with a calm but questioning eye. It quickly dawned on you that he had focused all his attention on the uncharacteristic manner in which you were eating the bowl of pasta.

The realization that he'd completely stopped eating to assess your seemingly bizarre behavior, unnerved you. Despite directly centering those indecipherable dusky orbs onto you, the man said nothing about the way you ate the food.

Though a small part of you wished he would. The thought of bringing the earlier topic up to him made your stomach roll in an unforgettable fashion but you'd rather rip it off like a bandaid and come right out with it.

You deliberately only a few seconds whilst you summoned the courage to allow the words to pass through your lips. "John…can I ask you something?"

In spite of how confident you tried to make yourself appear, a flutter of anxiety manifested itself inside of your chest as the man merely regarded you with a critical eye to let you know that he was listening.

"Have I gained weight?" You asked with a creased brow.

Incontinently, both of the man's eyebrows went up. Clearly, the odd question had caught him completely off guard. Maybe you could've tried wording it better but just how could the simple question sound more comprehensive leaving your mouth.

Embarrassment seized you the moment those words left your lips but at least you felt as if you could breathe a little easier with them hanging in the air. The subtle reaction from him made you hold your breath and steel yourself for the man's response as you looked into his unreadable profile.

A belated second passed before John's masculine baritone cut through the stiff silence. "Would it matter if you did?"

"I guess not. It's just…my mom mentioned it once and then my friends. So it hasn't really left my mind."

"Why does the concept of gaining weight bother you?"

"It doesn't but…it seemed like it was kinda brought up in a negative light."

And because of that it's caused you to be a bit insecure about your body than you'd like to be.

"And this is something that bothers you?" The deep timbre of his voice notably serious.

"Yeah…kinda."

"Why?"

"I don't want to sound stupid."

"The source of my concern doesn't revolve around how you sound…I simply wish to know why this bothers you."

"I don't know." You shrugged.

John tilted his chin, palpable concern etched into the neutrality of his collected features. "Where is this coming from?"

John had been there during your lowest moments and seen you scrambling to come to grips with it. He'd seen you become weighted down by shame and fear. You should have no issue getting candid with him about any issue. At some point, you'll have to get over this but now wouldn't be one of those times.

Without that unexpected boldness, sometimes you find it awkward trying to breach and continue these kinds of conversations with him. You didn't even know how to answer him. Where did this stem from exactly?

"Is this the reason why you've restricted your food portions?" He flatly inquired.

Your steady heartbeat faltered for a second. Of course, he knew - he always did. An uncharacteristic uneasiness in you was suddenly on display, along with a plethora of other feelings. Your fingers began digging into the thin fabric of your leggings underneath the table just out of view.

In your mind, what you were doing wasn't that extreme, you were just scaling down the usual portion.

Sharing this part about yourself left you feeling more vulnerable than you thought you could ever feel. Even with your sincere admission to your significant other, you felt entirely too exposed by the question. It wasn't the first time you laid your insecurities bare before him.

Who knows how you even mustered up the courage to actually open your mouth and speak with him about it.

Whenever these unwanted feelings managed to present themselves at inappropriate times, you just craved some semblance of comfort wherever you could find it. On many occasions, John offered that comfort you were seeking. Time and time again, he listened and offered his input and you listened. At this point, he may as well act as your own personal licensed psychiatrist. He's forever listening to your problems, giving you advice, and putting you at ease in the midst of turmoil.

"Look at me."

It wasn't long before you were met with the calm but inquisitive stare of your silent paramour.

Your lips pressed into a straight line - an unforeseen spike of shame spreading throughout your person. The question was so direct that it completely unnerved and disarmed you simultaneously. As much as you wanted to wilt underneath the intensity of his scrutiny but it would only make him more suspicious.

While the rational part of your brain of yourself knew that the man wasn't so depthless as to allow his attraction towards you to wane on account of any bodily changes, the anxious part of you believed it was entirely possible. Apparently, the anxiousness was strong enough to keep you constantly worried and on edge.

He's seeing less of your body nowadays, you're sure that he's somewhat aware of it even without him saying as much. You can't lie to yourself like you haven't been deliberately avoiding wearing certain articles of clothing. The reasoning behind it not as much of a mystery to you as you would like it to be. The both of you hadn't been having as much sex as you used to aside from the one instance some days prior.

"Wouldn't you find me unattractive if I got bigger?"

His expression softened a fraction. "You'd be surprised."

Truthfully, you craved any sort of reassurance from him concerning any topic. You constantly get little reminders here and there but this was something you desperately felt like you needed at this moment.

It's a humiliating thing to have to admit to someone that possible weight gain was something that you worried about. You can't believe that you fell for the stereotypical question that's probably as old as time itself. But you understood why some women felt the need to ask.

In reality, you don't want to care…but you do and at times you feel downright pitiful about it.

While bodily changes are certainly not the worst thing in the world a person can experience, weight gain or weight loss continues to be a fraught topic for people of all ages and sizes. In your case, body insecurity was something you started to develop early on, especially when your body began developing and you started receiving different kinds of attention from people.

Sometimes you don't feel like yourself or feel great about yourself. Some days you felt ready to conquer the world and sometimes you felt like you were beneath it. The feeling is a breeding ground for insecurity. And it's that very thought that's inherently upsetting you.

You may just be worrying about how others perceive you rather than your own perception but it's just hard to accept when just about everyone around you clearly views it in a certain manner. Every time it's brought up, you can't help but feel scrutinized on some level. Leaving you feeling like a much lesser version of yourself.

As a woman, you've always been cognizant of all body types in both men and women. Growing up, you'd never been thin in the conventional sense except for when you were a small child. By your teenage years, you'd started to develop and maintain a shape. While you were quite a ways from being considered overweight, your figure had almost certainly filled out in various places, specifically the area around your hips.

Why do people tend to feel horrible when their body chooses to undergo unexpected changes?

One reason you could think of was that alterations of the body can be scary, as evident in your own case. Probably, the most bizarre thing of it all now was that your body just didn't even feel like it belonged to you anymore.

Truthfully, you don't know what he sees when he looks at you. More often than not, it felt more like he was looking into you and not at you.

During your depressive state, you went through a confusing cycle of not wanting to eat then inadvertently binging in an effort to sate the hunger. You thought you were past the self-loathing you felt at the time but apparently you hadn't dealt with it. At various times a day, a trillion different things are running through your head. You'd constantly go through periods of internally chiding yourself about every little thing and it's beyond exhausting. Truth be told, you'd had struggles with self-acceptance before but certainly not to this extent.

Just having to process any emotion was hard work for you. Not only that but having to recognize and process it without judgment seemed even more difficult. Your mental and emotional health took a blow, inadvertently producing misguided thoughts about yourself and your situation.

His eyes took in the awkward way in which you attempted to conceal your shame from him. Only so much of his emotions could be conveyed through his eyes while most of the time his face showed absolutely nothing.

Until now, you didn't realize that the outward reaction was actually the result of you putting up a subconscious barrier. A combination of prolonged fear and stress had presumably done a number on you.

So many factors would have contributed to the weight gain, it wasn't like the weight had just appeared on your body overnight, logically it was gradual. During the time after the attack, you became less active, either outright avoiding food or binging an unhealthy amount at a single time. Not only was it emotionally taxing but it was physically taxing as well. Given the lack of physical movement and emotionally charged eating, that may have contributed to it as a whole. Although you think it has more to do with you struggling to accept the changing aspects of yourself, mind and body.

"How do you know?"

"I have been aware of this behavior for quite a while. In times of emotional distress and dysregulation, you tend to turn towards food. It is a coping behavior - a desperate attempt to ground yourself and control where you feel it is absent. When you experience a bout of happiness you eat, when you're upset you eat, when you feel stressed you eat. Do you know what that entails?" He plainly husked.

Before you could even ask yourself how he would have knowledge of such an internal impediment, you quickly reminded yourself of who he was - of the capable feats he'd shown you throughout the relationship.

Even without much reflection, you can attest that the man hadn't told a single lie. You indeed had a habit of turning to food for comfort when you reached a certain point emotionally.

Aside from your need and genuine love of food, it wasn't hard to see how it could be an overindulgence of it could become a problem. Even now, the idea that you'd been using it to suppress and soothe negative emotions or events wasn't so far-fetched. The resulting effects may be temporary but in the moment it served its intended purpose and that was all that mattered. You had to see it for what it was - an unhealthy cycle you were currently trapped in only made worse by recent traumatic events.

The revelation took you completely by surprise. You don't know you're supposed to feel listening to him tactfully identify components of a behavior that you hadn't recognized as potential problems.

"If you knew then why did you ever-"

"Why didn't I what? Prevent you from prolonging a habitual behavior that you have carried on from the beginning? You had not seen it as an issue at the time and neither did I." He deduced. "How does one go about providing an alternative solution for something of that nature? Much like yourself, I would only seek to abate what's causing you distress. Would it not be cruel to deprive you what brings you happiness even if that happiness is temporary?"

You understood where he was coming from. He would rather validate feelings and encourage the coping mechanism instead of admonishing you for it. That was obviously very telling.

Hearing it from his point of view definitely shifted your perspective on the matter entirely. It was strange to think that you never once considered that food could be used as a distraction from the known stressors happening in your life but you weren't expecting to see him speak so openly about issues that weren't even made known to you until recently.

Immediately your mind went back to all those instances where you vehemently requested he procure you those cookies you were still obsessed with.

"Needing sustenance is a part of human nature by biology." He quietly mentioned. "I can see if you deem the food you consume on a daily basis to be an issue. If it comes down to the state of your health and you wish to alter your eating habits, I will provide adequate support but I will not allow you to forgo any meals. Do you understand?"

The words seemed to pull you out of your worries at least for the time being. "Yes."

"You enjoy food, most people tend to. I've known that from the beginning. Even now, you remain a well fed woman and I expect no less. It is unrealistic to expect yourself to remain the same their entire life. Your body will undergo changes. Things will happen. It is a part of life. No amount of restricting your portions will change that." He explained, gazing passively at you throughout.

"What I want to know is - what is it you believe you need from me concerning this matter?"

"I don't know anymore. I feel like I've changed but I don't know if it's necessarily for the better. Maybe just some advice so I won't feel as bad as I do."

It took no time at all for you to finish the small bowl of pasta off and you were already entertaining the thought of filling it with a second helping. The thought was soon pushed down the moment you remembered what you sought to do in the first place.

The gentle look in his gaze always seemed to quell the worrisome thoughts in your mind. "Those feelings will wane in time. Accept who you and learn to live with it"

Before you met him, you didn't think that words had the power to patch emotional and mental wounds.

"You haven't eaten nearly as much as you should."

After wiping your mouth with the napkin you continued to sit there quietly, avoiding his steady gaze. "I'm not really that hungry."

Immediately you get the sense that he doesn't buy it by the way in which he narrowed his eyes at the deceitful answer. Unfortunately, the man seemed to have a dishonest radar embedded within him for no lie could pass through your lips without him recognizing it. John had proven himself much too insightful to overlook anything, particular anything involving you.

Truthfully, you could tell by the look on his handsome visage that he wasn't the least bit fond of your latest tactic.

You know where it stems from - it's the result of a sustained connection between the two of you - one that bonded the two of you together.

The taciturn killer silently slid his bowl in front of you. "Eat."

"Okay."

Clearly, you wouldn't be starving yourself on his watch. The assassin sat quietly watching you expectantly as you began to consume his bowl as well.

He sat patiently as you finished off the bowl before he spoke in a weighted manner, brown eyes centered intensely on you while you wiped at your mouth with a napkin.

"You putting on any sort of weight is inconsequential to me. It changes nothing. Whether you gain a pound or twenty, it doesn't matter. I will not think differently of you."

With that the tension began to dissolve out of your frame little by little. You admired his honesty and the sincere way in which he delivered his opinion. It was something you never failed to take notice of.

The man certainly had a way about him. He possessed a special talent for making you feel loved even in times where there's undeniable doubt. He specifically provided a safe space for you to just be human and express those human emotions. It's because of this that you're able to be open and vulnerable with him about these kinds of things.


Surprisingly, the store had experienced a higher volume of activity and customers for the day. You suspected that this was likely due to a new bestseller making its debut in stores and people were eager to get their hands onto it. The first wave swarmed the store to the point where there was actually a line waiting at the checkout counter of people who desperately wanted to procure the book.

You honestly didn't mind the work; work kept you busy instead of bored out of your mind. In fact, business had only calmed down around noon providing you and your fellow coworkers a much needed break.

You and Mia sat at one of the small tables positioned near the windows. While the young woman sipped indulgently at her latte, you quietly nibbled on a bag of pretzels.

The both of you maintained an easy, refreshing conversation over a range of topics from shared hobbies, interests, personal life goals, to more specific things like music preferences. It astonished you just how quickly the two of you formed a kinship just by getting to know each other more. There was so much you learned about her that you found interesting, the most notable being that she was actually much older than she looked.

While you originally figured that she was fresh out of high school, she was actually in the early adulthood age range. She maintained the outward appearance of someone very meek until she began speaking at length. She sort of puts you in the mind of Pam Beasely character from the show 'The Office'. Having very amiable traits while being artificially inclined and sensible. As it turns out, she was actually more people-oriented than you gave her credit for. Even now, you perused over her youthful appearance - she'd tied her shoulder length auburn hair into a low ponytail.

"Would you believe me if I said I used to be a ballerina?"

"Really?"

"Mmhh. From the time I was ten until my late teens."

"That's just about every little girl's dream. I wish I could've become a ballerina." You longingly remarked.

Mia smiled ruefully. "In the beginning, I didn't have such a passion for dancing but over time I managed. Honestly, it wasn't something I wanted to engage in…it just fell into my lap. It was either that or something else…"

"Your parents must be really proud." You stated unthinkingly.

"Unfortunately, they would never get to see it. They died when I was very young."

A pang of sadness struck you at that moment.

"Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"No, it's okay."

There's a strange glint in her eyes right before she answers with…

"Although I came from a humble background, I like to think they would be proud of me. I've accomplished many things in my life since then." She smiled fondly as she spoke of them, as if recalling a vivid memory.

Judging by the look on her face, she must really miss them. At a certain point, everyone undergoes personal hardships in their life but her situation just seemed that much worse in compassion. You can't imagine having to navigate life without your parents.

Wanting to move away from the heavy topic, you tried to lighten the conversation. Pushing your tongue into your cheek, you gaze trained on the smooth surface of the table before you poised the question.

"Um…I know this is completely random but I wanted to ask you something. Just between us girls. I know that Ethan's been in charge of training you so you've been spending a lot of time together." You whispered lowly.

The girl raised a single brow before darting over to where Ethan was. The two of you observed him pushing a cart towards the back. The sound of your voice low enough to where he couldn't make it out.

"Have you ever gotten the impression that Ethan may like me? Like in that way."

Tilting her head off to the side, Mia seemed to ponder your question, shifting slightly in her chair. "I guess it depends on what you mean by like?" She asked, marginally seeking a better understanding of what you were asking. "When I started this job, he mentioned that there was another coworker out on leave and spoke very highly of them. If I didn't know any better, I would just think it was admiration but…"

"But?" You repeated, leaning in closer.

The woman glanced back down at her drink, a light flush spreading across her cheeks. "I have noticed some little things here and there that make me think he might like like you."

You understood what she meant even if she didn't outright say it - call it women's intuition but you knew.

Having another female vindicating the same belief was just what you needed to validate your longtime suspicions. It was no longer an unsubstantiated belief hanging in the back of your mind every time you interacted with him. And to be fair, he hadn't much to provide the theory otherwise.

Yesterday, you spent a good chunk of time discussing Jasmine's nonexistent relationship with Ethan with your friends as well.

"Honestly, I don't think we're gonna last. We only have been texting a few weeks and I don't think that's gonna last. I'm not really feelin it." Jasmine reasoned. "He's only been asking me about you constantly. Like from the start, even when we started talking. I think he likes you."

"No he doesn't." You said, slightly aghast at the notion.

"Girl, yes he does. I can tell."

"Well he knows I'm with someone."

"So…that doesn't mean it'll stop someone from liking you." She confidently assured.

"I mean I'm grateful for you trying to set me up with the guy. He's nice and all but he's not really my type." She reasoned. "I'm already talking to somebody else so there's no love lost."

"Already?" You answered incredulously.

"Uh yeah. You know my roster stays stacked. I keep plenty of options." She said, holding up her phone.

Coincidentally, you thought a lot about how to handle the situation of all the options that came to mind, so you decided to take the straightforward route.

Excusing yourself from the table, you moved to follow Ethan into the back of the store.

As you quietly rounded the corner, you're immediately met with a view of him, somehow managing not to alert the man with creaks from the aged wooden floorboards. You found him exactly where you thought he'd be, in the back of the store, particularly the stockroom where it smelled strongly of worn leather and old paper. His eyes perused the near faded cover of the antique book no doubt from the owner's personal collection.

Reaching out to steady yourself, you hand felt along the uneven texture of the timber shelf to your left. He hadn't noticed you standing there yet and you took a few more moments to spectate before you revealed your presence.

"You haven't taken your break yet." You mentioned, not showing much of a reaction when he jumped at the sound of your voice.

The male sat the book aside to address you. "Yeah, I had a little more work to do before I sat down to eat my sandwich. Besides, I wanted to wait until you both finished. Is there something you wanted?"

"Do you like me?"

"Of course I like you, we're friends aren't we?"

"I mean do you like me more than a friend?" You clarified.

Ethan let out a nervous laugh, sitting the book he'd been holding aside and purposely looking away. "Well that's um.." He stammered, scratching the back of his head.

You watched as he continued to stumble over his words in an effort to find the right ones. Still his reaction was in no way surprising to you. Despite this, you urged him to tell the truth with only your eyes.

The minor lapse in concentration had him stuttering. "Okay…okay. As mortifying as it is to have to admit, there's…definitely some deeper feelings present. I'm just curious to know what made you ask."

"I already knew."

"You did?"

You nodded stiffly.

"That's a shock."

"Is it really though?"

"I just have one question - why did you let me try to hook you up with Jasmine?"

"Honestly, I thought that maybe of I struck up something with someone else then what I felt for you would change but-"

"It didn't work."

"Yeah."

"Jasmine's a really nice person, I just didn't know how to tell her…"

"Oh she knows."

He was immediately dumbfounded by the admission. "She does?"

"Mmhh. She's okay and she wants you to know that there's no hard feelings."

"She's already talking to someone else isn't she?

"Yep."

"Damn." The man laughed.

Unlike you, your friends have never been inclined to linger on a guy if there's no hope for an actual connection. They will move on to the next prospect in a heartbeat and without shame.

Given the nature of you and John's romantic relationship and the fact that you valued the friendship with the other man, you didn't want it to dissolve over crossed boundaries. On one hand, you'd been content just to deny the very idea of him having anything other than congenial feelings for you, wanting to mostly avoid a potentially awkward scenario with a male you'd grown to love working with for some time now.

"You've been a really good friend to me."

He chuckled. "Truth is, I liked you the moment we met but I knew you had a guy so…"

"I'm actually really relieved to hear that. Maybe I'll get a chance in another lifetime."

"Maybe."

An understanding passed between the two of you at that moment.

Ethan was not the type of person to continue actively pursuing you when he knew you were with another person and it was made evident that he had no intention of acting on those 'deeper feelings' he had for you. That was perhaps the biggest comfort you could receive out of this.

"I realize now that it's really shitty of me not to be upfront with her."

"What's he like?"

"He's….everything to me. Everything that matters."

He could only accept what he's just heard. "Well, I can't compete with that. I'm happy for you, I'm happy you have someone that means so much to you."


Given the countless times he'd paid Aurelio's chop shop a visit, the place was always bustling with activity. Most of the workers were fully engaged with inspecting, maintaining, and repairing various automotives, many of them mechanical inclined under the direction of their employer. The clamorous sounds of mechanical tools being used took precedence over all else, including any vocal communication between workers.

With his hands positioned inside his jacket pockets, the hitman calmly strode into the garage, the thick smell of motor oil and gasoline prevalent in the air.

As soon as the man came into view, quite a few pairs of eyes darted in his direction but he simply paid them no mind. Most of them knew exactly who he was by sight alone so the stares from them were continued venturing deeper into the shop, it wasn't long before he caught a glimpse of the other man sitting near one of the cars.

"You wanted to speak with me…" The assassin specified.

The latter stared into the amber liquid inside of the glass in his hand. Without much of an effort, John could make out worry about the man's features even as he attempted to school them impartially.

Without much prompting, Aurelio poured the other man a glass before lifting his own to his lip. "I did."

John lowered himself into the seat clearly being offered for him to sit in.

"I heard tell that Dimitri Dmitriev was in New York - I heard it may be under the directive of the High Table. I think it may have something to do with the warehouse situation?"

In actual fact, the grim revelation was not as shocking to him and it was likely meant to be. Icy silence fell between the two men therefore.

Taking a hold of the glass intended for him, John threw the drink back before he allowed himself to answer. "Could be."

A tense, weighted interval of silence stretched between the pair for a long while.

"What are you going to do?" Aurelio questioned, peering up at his friend who had yet to display any kind of emotion regarding the news. The glacial expression on the assassin's face grounded him. He knew that John was too emotionally guarded to show any emotion if it existed in the first place. Whether the proclamation actually bothered him or not it was impossible to tell.

"I'm going to wait." He simply stated.

Aurelio seemed to accept the answer, seeing as he provided no further comment on the subject. Besides there was another matter he wanted to address with the other man.

The overhead lights cast an almost eerie glow onto the man's face as he asked, "You and your lady…is it serious?"

The mechanic shop owner nearly missed the barely perceptible way the man's eyebrows pulled in.

"Yeah."

Aureilo nodded once, a corner of his mouth tilting upwards before it fell back into place. "I thought so."

"Listen man, if you need anything. Just call."

At this juncture in their years-long friendship, John was used to the other man's offers of support even if they were rare these days. He understood that the man was looking out for him and potentially risking his own livelihood by doing so. Not many in his position would even consider making such choices on another's behalf.

With that thought in mind, John's head dipped forward in a single nod. "I appreciate that."

It was practically common knowledge that…

And just like that the conversation ended just as abruptly as it began.

The hitman knew what was coming - as a matter of fact he'd anticipated it.

If he knew them as well as he did, he knew full well that they would come - certainly not sooner than later but they would be coming for him.

A lesser man may have crumpled at the notion but he was no such thing.

By now, those within the inner circle would have been made aware of the events and began sending their own envoys to uncover what happened. For Dmitriev, a crime boss to cross into another territory threshold or in this case, another country indicated something much more dire. Loss of profits are one thing but a continued dismantling of the operation generating the profits was another - it warranted intervention, something that certainly was consistent with their politics.

By doing that, he rightly ascertained that the High Table only sought to dole out their own form of retribution. It opened the door to a larger scale of issues and consequences and the man had been preparing himself for it.

For those heavily existing within the underworld, they must come to accept that their world was forever shaped by the rules and order of those that sit above the table - forever bound to serve with unwavering loyalty.

That was another matter entirely.

While John wholeheartedly believed in the concept of carrying out justice himself, he unequivocally believed in justice for one's self as above all else. No matter how imperfectly perfect it was carried out.

By many's own standards the act he'd committed was incredibly foolish and treacherous but he saw it as entirely justified. Although, he doubted the table would have the same sentiment because only their violence was deemed just in any circumstance. It sickened him.

He would not have his world and existence shaped by their rules any longer.

In a way, it was rather remarkable having to acknowledge that in the same vein, he couldn't inflect his own form of corrective justice. It was something he could never understand nor could he assent to. With that realization, every single day that passes, the very concept tears at his conviction.

In the end, it didn't matter much. Should the consequences of his actions make its way to his doorstep, the hitman would have no choice but to deal with it in the one way he knew how.


The night air was frigid in a way you knew you would never get used to no matter how many times you have to step into it. Gusts of icy wind teased your cheeks, making you pull your coat tighter around yourself. It felt like zero below fifteen out tonight and you felt like you were close to freezing your limbs off. These types of temperatures were ridiculous and you could hardly wait until spring. You'd just about had enough of you not being able to feel your face.

By the time eight o'clock rolled around, the three of you had already had the bookstore closed and were already heading out towards the parking lot. Mia usually commuted or took the bus but Ethan had offered to give her a ride on account of how cold it was tonight.

You already know that your car's heat will take an eternity to warm the interior for you to have a half decent drive home and you weren't looking forward to it. Worse still, you just had to be obnoxious and park on the other end of the lot. Truth be told, if you chose to park closer, you'd probably already be in your car right about now.

All you wanted to do now was go home, have a hot shower, get into bed and rub your feet together.

For safety reasons, you scanned the dimly lit parking lot every time you walked out of the building. One of the downsides of being a woman was that you can literally be attacked at any time for any reason. And a lot of the time, there doesn't have to be a reason, it can just happen. Either way, it's been ingrained in you to be overly cautious regarding your surroundings.

Out of nowhere, you caught sight of a figure standing some feet away from your car.

The figure, obviously the shape and build of a person, stopped you dead in your tracks. The rising tide of panic within you began to slowly increase with every passing second.

It took only a few seconds for your brain to put two and two together and realize that you actually knew the person. You can say with crystal clear clarity that you remembered the individual. He's the tall, dark-skinned concierge you'd met when John brought you to the hotel after saving you from the creep attempting to assault you in the club bathroom. The man dressed impeccably in a dark petticoat with gloves covering his hands to protect from the cold.

He looked so disturbingly out of place that you wondered briefly if he were just a figment of your imagination. But what was he doing lingering outside of your place of work?

"Good evening Miss." He greeted in a calm, poised cadence.

Rather unconsciously, you gripped the strap of the bag hanging over your shoulder even tighter.

"Um…can I help you?" You nervously sputtered.

"Yes. I understand that it is quite a late hour and I apologize for the inconvenience. However, I was sent to retrieve you for my employer."

"Employer?" You cautiously enquired.

"He is a trusted friend of Mr. Wick who wishes to hold an audience with you." His tone exceptionally polite.

Any other time, a random man appearing out of thin air and encouraging you to get into his car was a red flag if ever there ever was one. But clearly this was no random man.

"I don't know…it's late and I'm just getting off work-"

"The meeting will only take a few moments of your time."

It wouldn't take much effort. Your car was only a few steps away. All you had to do was press the unlock button on your key ring and slip in.

Despite not truly knowing him in any capacity, he presents a gentlemanly demeanor that's very inviting and courteous. There's nothing outwardly malicious about him that you could detect and not only that, the man did not necessarily strike you as an individual with bad intentions, quite the opposite actually. Based on his own admission, the man was only sent to retrieve you for someone else.

And just who was this employer and why did he want to speak to you? But most importantly, what did he want to speak with you about? As of now, you don't have the answers but the man standing before you was providing a potential avenue for you to find out. The feeling was as discerning as it was reasonable.

You swallowed thickly. "And if I don't want to go?"

"That is entirely your choice."

What would you do? Would you accept the invitation or decline it?

Based on your decision, you could either be making a cosmic mistake or attain a very favorable outcome. Your mind was bombarded with questions mostly revolving around whether or not you would take him up in the offer or not. He wasn't making a demand, he was offering a simple request - one you had the choice to refuse if you wanted.

Another cold breeze whooshes by and you're quickly reminded of the chilly atmosphere you're standing in.

"Okay." You uttered.

"If you would be so inclined." He bid, politely holding the car door open for you.

After much consideration, your body gradually jolted into motion.


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