Kenny PoV
Marina texted the boys that she would meet them at the car after she went pee and got her stuff.
"Shot gun!" Cartman yelled after they closed their lockers.
"You can't call shot gun unless you're outside." Kyle rolled his eyes.
"Do you think she is actually peeing or are we waiting on her to bang someone like we've had to do for Kenny?" Cartman asked.
"Shut up dude." Kenny shook his head, shoving Cartman's arm.
"I think she would have warned us." Kyle grabbed the door handle.
"Shot gun." Kenny called as soon as they got out of the doors.
"Fuck you Kenny."
"Fuck you Cartman." He smirked.
"You perverts should have to sit in the back. You're only wanting to sit up there to look at her breasts."
"Duh Kyle." Cartman sighed, "And it's tits or boobs bro, breasts are what moms have."
"They are breasts, Cartman. You are about to turn 18. Grow up."
"You don't want to look at them?" Kenny asked.
"No. I don't. Because Marina is a nice girl and she doesn't need all the guys in the school staring at her chest."
"Lame." Cartman laughed.
"Just remember that even though she looks more attractive than usual today, that she is still one of our best friends."
"More attractive than usual?" Cartman asked, "Kyle come on, we all know she is usually pretty but she's fucking hot today. Emphasis on the 'fucking' because let's be honest here, that is what we are all thinking about."
"He isn't wrong. I've been fantasizing about her all day." Kenny sighed.
"Motorboating those perky tits!" Cartman nodded.
"Exactly! And did you see her ass in those skinny jeans?"
"You know I did. I'll definitely be going home to jack off about her later."
"Cartman! That's too much dude! Stop objectifying our friend! If you guys heard other dudes saying this stuff about her you would punch them" Kyle finally cut in again.
The boys stopped at her car.
"Shut the hell up Kyle. You know you will too... And Kenny also."
"No I won't be because I am not going to let myself look at my friend in that way." Kyle grumbled.
"Hey guys!" She called from a couple feet away, "Sorry about the wait!"
"Take as long as you need babe."
"Cartman." She sighed, shaking her head with a straight face.
Cartman tried to race around to the front seat, Kenny grabbed his backpack and pulled him hard. Cartman stumbled as he tried to catch his balance. "You may have lost weight, but you're still slow." Kenny laughed as he shoved around him. They both got in and Marina pulled out of the parking spot.
Kenny turned the radio on, searching channels until he found one that sounded good enough to stop for. Finally he finished and turned it up. He glanced over at his best friend. He thought back to seeing her for the first time this morning. He was so shocked he couldn't catch his breath. Kenny made every effort to never look at Marina like he looked at most girls. But today he couldn't help it. He knew he couldn't have her. He had to remind himself of that. But it did take him back to his first time. Summer before they were sophomores, after stealing some of her dad's beer, he and Marina were pretty tipsy when they decided they wanted to lose their virginities.
She had kept her dress on and he kept his clothes on as best as he could. He didn't see her naked, he didn't even need to see her naked. The feel of her legs under his fingertips, the intoxicating smell and taste of Winterfresh gum on her breath and lips, the feel of her lips against his, her fingers squeezing his arms and back, that in itself was completely enough. No matter how hard he tried, those memories popped up often. He remembered desperately trying not to look at her for too long, he didn't want to have lingering thoughts of sleeping with his best friend. Yet he didn't even need the visual for that, it was the sensations that he couldn't get out of his damn head.
Kenny looked out his window, trying to pull himself together.
Marina dropped Kyle off and then Cartman before heading in the direction of their houses.
"Do you want me to drop you off now or do you want to hang for a bit?" She asked, breaking the silence that had been going on since he turned the radio up.
"I can hang." He nodded.
"Okay cool!"
Kenny followed her through her garage, hitting the close button for her after she walked inside first. She kicked her shoes off and sat her stuff down by the door. "Why didn't you tell me how much fun it is to have people drooling over you?" She asked as he headed into the kitchen.
Kenny chuckled, opening the fridge, making himself at home as usual. "You know Cartman said he's gonna go home and jack about you."
"I'm not surprised at all. I almost killed him when he completely grabbed my boob."
"You let him in the area." Kenny replied without even looking at her, gathering ingredients to make a sandwich.
"Can you make me one?" She asked.
"Sure." He nodded, "By the way, are you planning to go to Tokens back to school party at his house on Friday?"
"Always!" She pulled the stool away from the island counter and sat down across from Kenny.
"So really though. What is all this?"
"All what?" She asked, smiling.
"This." He pointed up and down her body with the knife he was using to spread mayo.
"I already told you. I am being myself finally."
"Marina. I've known you for what? 7 or so years now. This," He pointed again with the knife before returning to the sandwich, "is someone I've never met."
"Oh come on Ken. Really? Think about it. Around the age that I would start wearing make up, my boyfriend didn't want me to wear any. And as for the clothes, I've just always worn what kind of clothes my girl friends wore. To fit in. I'm tired of fitting in. I'm tired of wearing things I don't want. I'm tired of having to make myself feel like I can't feel sexy because my boyfriend doesn't want anyone to see cleavage or be able to see the shape of my ass. I'm single now. I have the complete freedom to be the girl I want to be. That I have always wanted to be. I feel like I've been repeating myself all day long. And I am so over explaining myself at this point."
Kenny finished up the plates and set them down in front of Marina. Before pulling out the stool next to her, smiling as he sat down, "You keep saying you're being you, but are you?"
"Yes." She looked at him with her 'I'm sure' look that he always found adorable on her face.
She would raise her eyebrows and nod a couple times but very subtly, her head barely moving.
"Okay, okay. I believe you. I'm ready to see Marina unleashed."
She giggled and popped a potato chip into her mouth.
He wanted to tell her she was only making herself look adorable and not a bad ass, but he kept his thoughts to himself.
"Kenny, can I ask you something?"
"Always sweetheart, what's up?"
"How do you not care?"
"What are we talking about here, because there are things I care about and things I don't care about."
"Obviously.. But how do you not care what anyone thinks about you?"
"You have to think about it like this, there is nothing anyone can say about you that can actually harm you. You know who you are. You know your heart, your intentions. The minute you stop giving a shit about anyone's opinions about you and what you do, the more fun you can have. Girls come after me even after knowing I most likely won't be dating them, but they know I'll give them a good time. I will try almost anything because what is there to lose? It is high school. In 5 years we will all probably be busy in our own lives and nobody will care what you did in school."
"Do you ever feel nervous?"
"Sometimes." He shrugged, "I talk myself into doing the things I'm nervous about."
"Are you trying to not be scared of anything?"
He laughed, "Babe I'm not scared about most things. There are very, very few things I'm afraid of."
She rolled her eyes at the 'babe', "What are you afraid of then."
"Nope."
"What? Come on, tell me." She half whined.
"No way."
"We are best friends Ken. Just tell me. I'm not going to tell anyone."
"I don't care."
"Please?" She pouted her lips and furrowed her brows.
Why was he a sucker for giving her what she wanted? He hated that.
"I'll give you one thing."
She gave him a look.
"I'm serious.. One thing I'm really afraid of is dying and staying dead."
"Like with no resuscitation?"
He sighed, wishing at least she got to understand his curse. "Sure."
"What else?"
He wanted to tell her all his fears. He wished he could just tell her everything, like how his worst fear was anything bad happening to his sister Karen, but his second real fear was hurting Marina. Kenny had definitely known the guys for longer, but he had a much closer friendship with Marina over anyone else. But, he didn't want to lie and he knew if he gave her more than 1 she would press for all. He didn't want her to know how much he actually cared about her, even though she knew he did care about her. She didn't know how many times he actually saved her life, since her memories were different because he died in them.
Marina was staring at Kenny, waiting patiently, his eyes were on her closed moving lips as she chewed her sandwich. He realized he was staring and instead of looking away quickly his eyes moved down to her neck right as she swallowed.
Suddenly his mind went back again to the memory of her under him, his forehead against the side of her cheek and his eyes on her neck, he could almost smell her sweat again. He swallowed hard and pulled his eyes up to her eyes as best as he could. She was staring with one eyebrow raised.
"Lost in your thoughts of fears?" She asked.
He let out a single laugh that felt more like a breath, "Yeah." His voice came out hoarse.
'What the hell dude?' Kenny thought to himself.
"I mean if it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to talk about it. I'm not going to be mad at you."
His hand went up to rub the back of his neck. "Probably best." He nodded.
"So anyway.. I was just trying to say that I want to give less of a shit. Caring all the time is so exhausting. I always have to drink alcohol for that to go away."
"Oh, that's why you were taking shots before school? Thought you were thinking it made you a badass. Because it didn't." He smiled.
She laughed, grabbing her blonde hair and pulling it all together at the top of her head. His eyes went back to her neck, and then her chest that was now more prominent from how she was moving her body. He just wanted to lay his head on her chest and breathe her in again.
"Stop staring at my tits McCormick!" She broke him from his trance.
He jumped and started laughing. Mentally punching himself.
The front door swung open and Marina's mom hurriedly ran through the hallway with her arms full of bags.
"Oh good! Kenny! You're here! Can you help me with these?" Her mom asked breathlessly.
"Yes Ma'am." He stood up quickly and grabbed a couple bags from her. Placing them on the counter.
"Mom why did you try to carry all that in at one time?"
"Well my garage door opener wasn't working and I got angry. So I didn't want to go back out again."
"You could have called me!" Marina sighed.
"Too much work."
"I'll give you my remote."
"I actually think I should head home now. I promised Karen I would help her with some stuff."
"Okay sweetie, you need a ride?" Her mom asked.
"No thank you Natalie. I should be fine."
"Bye loser." Marina called from the table.
"Bye Rina." He hurried out the door.
As soon as he got outside he realized he forgot his backpack but he didn't want to go back in there. Kenny let out a deep breath as he continued walking. He couldn't believe how he could barely keep himself together today. He never looked at Marina as one of those girls he sleeps with and moves on. He already had a hard time feeling guilty about their one time. Kenny told himself he needed to just take a shower and call one of the girls he knew would be down for whatever. Even though he knew who he was going to be thinking about the entire time.
He walked into the door, his parents screaming as usual.
"Hey Kenny welcome home." He said out loud, they didn't even hear him.
He went straight to his sister's room. Knocking until she opened up. He walked in and shut the door, muffling their parent's voices.
"How was school?" He asked as he sat down on the corner of her bed.
She smiled happily. "It was really good! I can't believe I didn't even see you once!"
"Probably because I was just distracted and it was a weird day."
"Oh, was that because of Marina?" She asked as she sat on the old chair in the corner of her room.
He squinted at her, "What about Marina?" He asked slowly.
"Don't even try to convince me that you completely blew off the fact that she did her make up today and wore clothes she doesn't usually wear. Annnd that she looked super pretty."
"I've been trying not to think about it."
"You have been trying not to think about a girl being pretty? Do you have a fever?"
"Funny Kare." He sighed.
"She did look pretty though. I want her to teach me how to make my eyes look like that."
"Um no!"
"Why not?"
"Because I don't need to worry about every guy trying to go after my sister!"
"Well I am taken, so."
"Guys don't always care about that."
"Well I do and it's up to my own morals isn't it?"
Kenny stared at his sister for a couple seconds, "You're right."
"Anyway. I'm going to start signing my papers that mom is supposed to sign." She sighed.
Kenny stood up and headed for the door, "Love you Karen."
"Love you too Ken." She smiled at him as he left.
Kenny went straight to his room, locking the door behind him. He flopped onto his old bed and stared at the ceiling. Then, he pulled his phone out to find someone to text about hanging out. He decided to scroll Facebook first. He was scrolling down through everyone's back to school posts and pictures, when he passed by a picture of Wendy and Marina.
They obviously took it in the mirror at Wendy's house, they were standing side by side, they weren't even smiling, it didn't look like the sweet smile that they had in their other pictures. It was a facial expression like the models he would look at in magazines growing up. He felt sad, like he didn't know his Marina anymore. She didn't take sexy pictures before. She didn't do much of any of this before. Kenny just couldn't figure out how she changed so quickly. If this was actually "her" wouldn't he have picked up on that? Or was he too worried about himself before?
He sighed as he turned his phone off and closed his eyes.
