CH 4 - Baby
The Onyx Room. October 10th.
Club Songs - Loud Pipes by Ratatat, Bad Girls MIA ;)
The music is almost too loud for the Dhampirs' sensitive ears, but Rose is reveling in it. She's only had one drink, but there's something in the air tonight that feels…electric. She starts to sway in her seat to the beat of the music and is contemplating getting up and dancing even though no one else is.
A few mumbled words cut through the noise and when she looks over to see three pairs of eyes staring at her she realizes one of them must have been addressing her.
"Sorry, what?"
A dark-skinned female Dhampir with short blonde hair leans closer to the table and repeats, "No Danny tonight?"
"Oh," Rose's head is still bobbing along to the music as she responds to Trish. "Nah, I think he's already left town."
"Oh that's right," an excitable Dhampir that had come with Rose's friend Trish chimes in. Aaron? No, Adam. He's slimmer than the average Dhampir. Apparently, he has a job in HQ as a programmer or something, making his glasses seem more practical and less haphazardous, and is obviously love-sick over Trish. "I hear he landed a new job in Bucharest. Do you know if he's privately contracting now or is he working at the Romanian Court?"
"Why, you miss him already," teases Kira, a sassy redhead with an act for taking the piss out of everyone she meets.
Trish's smile broadens, egging Kira on. "I'm sure Rose wouldn't mind sharing."
"All yours," Rose takes a sip from her vodka soda and looks at the dancefloor longingly again.
"No," Adam already looks exasperated. "I just meant—have you seen the security system they are running with out there? Their Alchemists are on a whole other level. Being able to have a fully functioning Court inside the city. Instead of out in the middle of nowhere America—no offense Rose, most of you Americans are fine and all this place is just…lacking."
"None taken."
Adam drones on about the technological advances of the Romanian Court before Trish cuts back in. "Wait, so does that mean you and him are done?"
It takes a moment for Rose to realize they are talking to her again. "Hmm?"
"Danny, Rose! You and Danny. I thought you two were like a thing?"
"Oh," Rose shakes her head as she chews on a piece of ice from the bottom of her glass. "Nothing like that."
"But I heard—"
"I'm gonna dance," Rose shouts over the music as she hops down from her barstool. "Order me another wouldya?"
She takes off to the center of the room, her shoes sticking to the floor in some spots until she reaches the slick surface of the dancefloor. It has a glossy glittery finish to it that reminds her of something out of a Lisa Frank coloring book.
She knows the others will probably think she's just trying to avoid their questions about Danny, and maybe part of her is. Truth be told, Rose and Danny had started to fizzle well before his job transfer was official. It was just the solidifying factor that allowed them to officially call it quits. There was nothing wrong with Danny, Rose still liked the guy. And she liked having sex with him. But she'd been feeling restless. She was ready for something new. And being able to cut things off with Danny without the drama that usually followed was so gratifying.
It's fueling her tonight and making her feel just as good as she did the first time they hooked up. She is officially a woman capable of having casual sex without it turning into something epically catastrophic.
A couple others join her out on the dancefloor, jumping up and down and laughing as the soundtrack changes to a song Rose and Lissa used to listen to while they were on the run from St. Vladimir's. She's suddenly thrown back into a crowded living room banging her head to music blasting from a preppy Frat boy's staticy speakers.
She dances to three more songs before sweat begins forming on her neck and her mouth is parched. Rose pulls her long hair up into a high ponytail as she weaves her way through the crowd to their table. She hasn't noticed how packed it's gotten and takes a look around when she sits back down. Kira is distracted, flirting with a waitress who had just dropped off a fresh drink for Rose, and Adam is speaking animatedly to Trish, who unfortunately looks completely disinterested in what he is saying.
"Still talking about coding or whatever it is you programmers do," she laughs.
"What? I'm not a programmer," Adam corrects and Trish looks relieved to get his attention off of her. "I'm an Intelligence Officer. I'm responsible for identifying potential risks and developing solutions to thwart different types of attacks. My team relies on leading-edge data collection and analytics techniques, effectively communicating and reporting results to the decision-makers."
"Did you rehearse that?" Rose takes a long sip of her drink and uses a paper napkin to dab the back of her neck.
When she looks up again, her attention is drawn to a large group of guys at the bar—one of them, in particular. Rose tugs at Kira's sleeve repeatedly and the red-head flashes her an annoyed look as the waitress scampers off to take another table's order. She feels a little bad about cock blocking her, but Kira is a busybody who knows everything about everyone, whereas Trish is more into…well, herself.
"What?"
"Who's that guy over there," Rose asks, ignoring the irritated undertone in Kira's voice.
Kira looks over to where Rose is subtly nodding towards. "Which one?"
"Blue shirt."
Rose suddenly understands the phrase 'the cat that ate the canary' as Kira's smile smoothly transforms. "Oh him? That's Max. He's on rotation. I think his charge is in foreign services or something. Constantly traveling between the Courts so he's never here that long."
Things start falling into place and a matching grin grows on Rose's face as she quietly says, "Perfect."
Trish's attention is pulled and she scoots closer to the other girls. "What's happening?"
"See that guy over there," Rose points. "He's going home with me tonight."
"Cocky much?"
"Have you met me?"
Kira laughs and Rose hops off her stool, leaving her fresh drink to sweat at the table.
Rose pulls her hair from its tie and shakes it out as she makes her way to the group. A couple of guys turn towards her, one even starts to say something, but she keeps her eyes glued to Max. When she's only a few feet away he stops talking to his buddy and turns towards her. She takes a half step closer, making herself the new center of his little friend group and looks up to him with siren eyes, "Buy me a drink?"
His teeth are beaming white, a stark contrast to his dark complexion. His hair is cut close, and she notices a the designs intricately shaved into the sides. He looks behind him, noticing all eyes are on them, then turns his attention back to Rose.
"Yeah, sure," his voice is warm and smooth, sounding confident despite his shy smile as he rubs the back of his neck. Rose finds it cute and bites her lip. He sucks in a small breath and they make their way to the bar.
Rose skips small talk, disinterested in swapping stories about the job. Instead, she decides they should play a drinking game and is even more attracted to him when he doesn't back down. The more they drink, the louder Max gets. Rose isn't sure if it's liquid courage or the noisy background, but when he lets out a borderline obnoxious laugh at a silly joke she makes, she decides it's time to go. Max doesn't take much convincing.
Before they're even out of the ride-share they're already making out. At one point, Rose has moved into Max's lap, latching onto the back of his neck as she pulls him in for steamy kisses. Their driver lets out an irritated "ehem," and they both laugh as they tumble out of the car in a tangle of limbs. Rose brings him back to her place and when he asks a couple of questions about the apartment she wonders if one of his eardrums had popped from standing too close to the speakers at the club. She takes a note from Danny and kisses him to shut him up. Max readily complies.
His kisses are a little sloppy but still sexy, his full lips are practically devouring her, making Rose's impatience grow as they make their way to her room. She rolls his shirt up and runs her hands roughly down his never-ending abs as he tugs the rest of the fabric over his head. She makes a trail of light kisses up his toned chest, switching to sultry, teasing bites when she finally reaches his neck.
"Fuck, you're hot," he breaths out.
Rose unzips her black skirt, letting it fall to the floor, and slides her tight tank top off as she looks at him and says, "I know."
He laughs loudly again and Rose yanks him onto her bed, done with talking for what she hopes to be a very very long night.
Emilia's Cafe. October 12th.
The cafe smells extra inviting today. Emilia has made some of her seasonal apple cinnamon crumble muffins. Rose and Dimitri are currently sharing one, as they average the size of a small melon. They are already halfway through it and Rose is considering snagging three more to take to-go.
"This is the best thing I've ever put in my mouth," Rose says as a few crumbs fall back onto her fork.
Dimitri nods, sucking a bit of icing off his thumb in a carefree way he's been starting to show more often. "My Babushka would smack me in the head for saying this, but I agree."
Rose chuckles at the mental image of a small, crotchety Russian woman reaching up to thump a 6'7 grown-ass man on the ear.
The sounds of Rose's laughter and hums of satisfaction add to the warm ambiance of the shop. Things have been a bit tense between the two for a couple of weeks, and they are just starting to feel back to normal. Well…their version of normal.
"I'm shocked you've managed to keep crumbs out of your face foliage." This was Rose's newest term for his beard. She'd already worn out wilderness whiskers, colonial chin curtain, facial fuzz, and spicy stubble. Each time she jokes about it though, it brings lightness to the mood and subtly helps pull Dimitri back from wherever his thoughts had taken him.
"It takes great skill," he counters.
"Did you see what she put on the board for next week's special," Rose asks.
She lets out an exaggerated moan when Dimitri says, "Dark chocolate pumpkin swirl brownies."
Rose takes one more bite then falls back into her seat, patting her full belly. "I'm going to get so fat if we keep eating here."
"Pfft, you? There's gotta be some kind of award that goes to whoever manages to make enough food to affect your metabolism."
"Oh he's got jokes today," Rose smirks. "I guess that means things have been going well with the doc."
Dimitri stops eating to meet Rose's gaze. He's intentionally been avoiding conversations about his sessions, just until he knows things have eased. He anticipates her looking away or diverting to another topic, but she just waits, quietly watching his reaction. Dimitri sets down his fork and rests his hand on the table.
"Well enough," he supplies.
Rose stares at him for another beat before bringing her hand up to inspect her chipped polish. The ranking officer on shift has been bitching at her about it for weeks, but that's half the reason she still hasn't changed it. "Well enough," she casually repeats. "So no more breakthroughs then?"
"Nothing of note."
Silence hangs between them again and the warm atmosphere around them no longer distracts from things left unsaid.
Dimitri starts. "I know we haven't talked about it much but are you sure you're—"
"I told you I was fine, didn't I? Besides, what's that shit the doc always says about you not being responsible for how others react or whatever?"
"That's not a catch-all for everything." Dimitri sees Rose's jaw working, the first sign of her temper rising. "You have every right to be upset with me."
"I'm not upset." It's true. Rose isn't upset. She's flat-out pissed off. She's been in a shit mood since that session, had felt bombarded and unprepared, and if there is one thing she hates being, it's caught off-guard. But what kind of friend will that make her if she gets in Dimitri's face after having a therapeutic breakthrough? She wants him to progress, she wants him to succeed—but she doesn't want it at the cost of her emotional well-being too. "I said it before, and I'll say it again. I. Am. Fine."
Her cool tone causes a reaction in Dimitri, one he doesn't often show. "I seem to remember the last time you were repeatedly telling me you were fine, you absolutely were not fine."
Conversations from their past sit like a heavy weight on the table between them. A cold shoulder in the dorm courtyard, half-truths in St. Vladimir's chapel, ignored concern after a disciplinary meeting with the Academy Guardian staff.
"I don't do that anymore," Rose hates how childish her voice sounds as she leans closer to the table slapping one of her hands down a little harder than intended.
"What? Hide your issues from people who are concerned about you?"
"I can take care of myself!" She almost forgets she's in a public place and regulates the volume of her voice half a second too late.
"I know." Dimitri's tone is calmer, but not in that condescending therapeutic way that drives Rose nuts. He's speaking in logics. "You always have. You always will."
"But..?" She already assumes what's coming.
Something changes in Dimitri's expression. The logic shifts to make way for something else—something reminiscent of the man she used to confide in. "But I'm here now too," his hand moves off the table and lightly rests on hers. "We take care of each other."
Rose's focus falls to that small point of contact, the warmness of her cheeks and the irritable feeling in her gut slowly fading away. She takes a breath, accepting his words instead of fighting back. She doesn't always have to fight.
She thinks back to the times she tried to be there for him. What it felt like to have her concern rejected. When she'd argued with guards to see him in his cells, the multiple times she confronted him and forced a crowd of people to watch him interact with a small child. When she pleaded with him to talk even though he wasn't ready. But she's come to understand why now. "I think…" she swallows, summoning the courage to say it out loud. "I know that was the problem. I wanted so badly to take care of you. I should've backed off. I should've left you alone, given you space."
"I should've let you." He doesn't need to ask. He knows what she's referring to. Her surprise is evident, and he realizes it's another thing he hasn't yet told her. But it only lasts a moment. The shock fades and in its place is understanding.
"We take care of each other," she repeats in a whisper.
They stay this way for a while. Longer than intended, but this small moment of comfort is something they both have been needing. Not everything from their past can be fixed today, tomorrow, maybe ever, but these brief moments of truth are more than just making up after a fight. They are healing.
Reassured, Rose says, "I promise I won't hide things from you. But maybe we don't talk about it today if that's alright?"
"Of course," Dimitri slides his hand back to his side of the table. "Whenever you're…ready…" they both cringe at how much he sounds like Dr. Greene and it causes them to lift the heavy mood with a laugh.
"It's not entirely that," Rose's smile is genuine making Dimitri feel more at ease. "I just don't want to waste this incredible crumble with talk about doctors, demons, and drug addicts."
"Nice alliteration."
"Why thank you," she flashes her teeth and flutters her lashes like a bonafide Southern Belle.
"Then tell me how your night out with Trish was. Didn't you say you were checking out a new club or something?"
Rose's good mood goes flat. Dimitri hands her her fork.
They both take another bite of the muffin and he dares to ask, "That bad?"
"No, the club was fine. It was more or less what happened after."
"Ah."
Rose takes another two bites then randomly asks, "Is 'baby' still a thing?"
"Excuse me?"
"I mean how did it become a term of endearment in the first place? I just don't understand the appeal in referring to someone as a tiny human when you're doing that." A brief recollection of Max's impossibly loud cries while she rode him makes Rose wince.
Dimitri nods, taking another bite of just the frosted top. "I agree. Never been fond of that one either."
Rose sneers before sitting up tall and putting on her best Dimitri impersonation. "In Russia, we don't use cute nicknames, we only call them by their surname with authoritative command."
Dimitri licks some icing off his bottom lip, nothing innocent about it this time, as he leans back looking smugly at his friend. "That, among other things."
A piece of muffin falls off Rose's fork on the way to her open mouth, the frosting and baked apples making an audible splat. She looks at it forlornly for a moment and Dimitri quickly scoops it away with a napkin before she does something dumb like eat it directly off the table.
Dimitri Journal Entry 35 - October 12th
Checklist of Ways to Start Feeling Again:
- Sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat as the rays hit your skin and the wind in your face.
- Walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet. Notice every rock and blade of grass.
- Eat some meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor.
.
1. Describe your feelings of the day with three words.
Structured. Productive. Moderate.
2. What three things are you grateful for today?
My charge who includes me in the decision-making aspects of his life.
My coping mechanisms that allow me to control a stress-inducing situation.
Apple crumble muffins.
3. Did you feel fulfilled by your job? Why or why not?
Yes. I was taken off ground patrols this week and worked directly with my charge on a bill he is researching in hopes of overturning.
4. What is one song you listened to and how did it make you feel?
Call Me by Blondie. I felt nostalgic. It reminds me of my sister Sonja.
5. What are three of your short-term goals for the week?
Sign up for a training session outside of my normal schedule.
Gather research on changes to Dhampir-Moroi contracts from 1956-1978.
Volunteer for 3 hours at the elderly center.
6. What is at least one of your long-term goals?
Be happy with who I am.
7. What is one thing that you did for someone else this week and how did it make you feel?
I grabbed groceries for my neighbor Clarice who is mending a broken femur. I felt less useful than I should have. She was grateful for the help, but I could tell she was disappointed that I forgot to get crinkle-cut potato crisps.
8. What is something that most people don't know about you?
I hate asparagus.
9. What have you learned to say yes to?
Help from others whose intentions are good.
10. What have you learned to say no to?
Conversations to pique the interest of others whose intentions are not good.
12. What made you feel uneasy today?
The dining hall at dinner. It was overcrowded and I wanted to leave, but I stayed and finished my meal. Except for the asparagus.
13. What made you feel happy today?
She looked at me like there was something worth looking at.
