Hunter and Echo exchanged a look as Ahsoka blew past them and down the hallway. They heard no fit of rage, no screams of agony, just a door down the hall swish shut.
"The Citadel," Echo sighed before Hunter could ask. "She– the mission– it was exactly like the citadel rescue. We went after General Even Piell and Admiral Tarkin –" he spit the name like venom– "I wish we let him burn that day."
Wrecker cackled in agreement and Ethan frowned, completely lost.
"She lost me that day."
Hunter nodded and Wrecker sobered, then excused himself to find something to eat. Tech followed him, insisting that they had hardly any food and he should wait. Omega trailed behind them hesitantly after Hunter tipped his head to the door.
"Give her time. Kid's going through a lot," Hunter said. "I've seen trauma before, and she's got it bad."
Echo snorted. "Understatement. It's never been this bad before–"
"Erm, hello, injured victim here!" Ethan said, trying to flick his blonde bangs out of his eyes. "Are you gonna help me?"
Echo rolled his eyes and hoisted Ethan to his feet. Ethan stumbled and glared at Echo, but didn't fall.
"You can walk, there's not a puddle of blood on the floor, you can wait 'til we get to Cid's," Echo said.
Ethan sputtered in protest, but Echo and Hunter were gone before he could say anything.
Ahsoka spent several hours on Echo's bunk, just staring at nothing in particular. Her thoughts raced so quickly that her mind went blank, unable to register even what was happening in her head.
A bang at the door startled her out of this transe.
"Ahsoka, I would leave you alone if it weren't for the fact that your bandages need to be renewed. Unless, of course, you would rather develop an infection. That is also an option, though you shouldn't be surprised when I don't allow you to choose that one. If you do not comply, I will be forced to override the lock and let myself in."
She snorted, half amused, and might have laughed if the situation was any different. Ahsoka dragged herself up from Echo's bunk, unlocked the door, and flopped back down onto the bunk.
The door swished open and Tech stalked in. "You will have to allow me space to sit on Echo's bunk with you," he said, and Ahsoka rolled over to sit up. Tech sat down next to her and flicked open the med kit. He made quick work of peeling back the bacta patches on her lekku and she winced.
"Please avoid movement while I'm dressing your wounds," Tech said.
Ahsoka sighed and wrung her hands together, her mind began racing as the stinging pain sent electrical-like shocks through her.
"Please do not continue the unnecessary movement."
Ahsoka frowned, trying to keep herself still. She held her breath and folded her hands in her lap, staring down at her intertwined fingers, but the toes of her boots ended up tapping rapidly on the floor.
"Ahsoka."
She glanced up and Tech was right in her face. His hands found her shoulders and his eyes, soft and brown, met hers.
"Take a deep breath."
Ahsoka did so and only then realized how shaky she'd become. It hit her like a club to the gut as numbness washed over with… well… everything.
She almost just had a panic attack.
Which made her panic more, her breaths turning sharp and ragged. Tech tightened his grip on her shoulders and instructed her again to breathe, and slowly guided her out. He grounded her and made sure she was okay before continuing with her bandages.
"Thanks," Ahsoka said quietly after a minute.
"There is no need for that," Tech said, sounding almost bored. "I'm simply doing what I must to fulfill my obligation, and that is to redress your injuries."
Ahsoka went quiet and didn't take his words to heart.
Tech finished with her bandages quickly enough and packed up his med kit. He made for a brisk exit but froze at the doorway.
"Do you–" he cut himself off as if contemplating his words. "Here, if you would like, you can take these pills. They should provide you with semi-dreamless rest." Tech turned to press two pills into her palm. "Would you like me to lock the door behind me?"
"Yeah," Ahsoka said. "Thanks."
"There is no need for that," Tech said, more slowly this time, and he locked the door as he left.
Ahsoka was left in peace for only a few minutes before Echo came knocking at her door.
"Commander– Er, Ahsoka?" he said. "Will you please let me in?"
She didn't want to. She didn't want to see the pity on his face, and while it was quite possible it had dissolved after her outburst, it could come back. Then the only place she could lock herself into was the 'fresher. And she couldn't spend all day hogging that .
But now Ahsoka's mind was a little clearer, she could apologize to him without snapping, too, and really he deserved it. She didn't have any right going around and hurting anyone else, anyway. She was already an inconvenience.
Ahsoka let him in and went back to his bunk to sit down, masterfully avoiding eye contact.
Echo sat next to her. "Don't mind anything Tech says to you. He struggles a lot with accepting change. He'll warm up to you."
Ahsoka nodded and pursed her lips.
"Are you okay?" Ahsoka said after a moment. "That couldn't have been just hard for me. You were– you know– that day."
"Fine, Commander," he told her and when she gave him a nasty look corrected himself. " Ahsoka , I mean. I'm fine. Better than you, anyway. That day wasn't so bad for me, just what happened after."
"Still traumatic," Ahsoka sighed. "You couldn't have gotten over it that fast."
"Maybe not, but I'll be okay. Especially now that I have you again," Echo said. After a long moment, he said, "you're going to be okay, too, some day."
Ahsoka laughed and it came out half-hysterically. "I hope so, Echo, but I'm a long ways out."
"You won't be alone," Echo said.
Ahsoka wiped a tear off her face. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I overreacted. I'm being pretty dramatic," Ahsoka said.
"Stop saying things like that, you're not. You're recovering," Echo said. "You've been through war."
"Yeah, but it's in the past. I'm a Jedi. We move on. So why can't I?" Ahsoka huffed and dried her face by scrubbing her cheeks until they turned dark with irritation. Before Echo could respond, she sprang up and said, "I'm gonna go… do something," and whisked out of the room like everything was fine.
Ahsoka stared down at the pills that Tech had pressed into her palm earlier that day. She would have to sleep eventually, but she didn't want to succumb to nightmares, and she didn't want to swallow some new, unfamiliar medicine.
Ahsoka stashed the two pills in the back pouch of her utility belt, tucking it behind her half-eaten ration bar from that morning.
"Never put anything in your mouth, especially medicine, if you haven't identified it," she could hear Kix's voice echoing through her mind. "Not even if it's given to you by someone you trust. Always identify the substance first."
She pulled out her sad, chewed at ration bar and stared at it for a long moment.
" You must eat, my dear. Your body needs fuel," Obi-Wan's voice told her and she could remember the moment he'd said it exactly, could almost feel the way his hand gently brushed her shoulder.
"Sorry to interrupt," Hunter said, appearing behind her, "but our lights won't seem to stay on and Tech's busy elsewhere. Heard you got some mechanic skills, care to take a look?"
"Of course," Ahsoka said, grateful for something to do other than stare at her partially-eaten ration bar. She'd usually take apart and thoroughly clean her lightsabers during a time like this, but she didn't have either one now, so it wasn't an option. The thought of her long lost weapons made her belt feel far too light and empty as she trailed after Hunter.
Hunter showed her where the issue was and where the electrical panels were. She got to work with the ones near the bay door, just where Ethan had been unceremoniously abandoned.
"Hey, Master Jedi," Ethan said when she dropped to her knees in front of the electrical panel.
Ahsoka supposed solitude didn't serve him. But at the moment, company didn't serve her, so curtly, she told him, "you don't have to call me that."
"Then what should I call you?" Ethan said.
"How about… nothing," Ahsoka said. She pried the panel off a little more harshly than she needed to and purposefully flung the metal at Ethan.
"Whoa there, Nothing," Ethan dodged the panel. "Quite a name, miss."
"Thanks," Ahsoka said.
For a moment she observed the panel in search of the issue in peace, but Ethan just had to open up his fat mouth again. He started jabbering pointlessly about this or that, topping it all off with painfully cringe-worthy flirting.
"Will you just shut up?" Ahsoka groaned, gripping her montrals. "I'm trying to work here."
"Aw, come on, Nothing," Ethan said. "You know you like me."
"I really don't ," Ahsoka said.
Ethan tried to open his mouth again, but with a surge of annoyance, Ahsoka waved her hand in the air with a sleep suggestion laced through the Force and Ethan flopped gracelessly to the floor.
"I didn't know you could do that!"
Ahsoka glanced up, her annoyance not completely dissipating. Omega, at the doorway with an expression morphed with wonder, could be just as chatty as Ethan. But at least she knew that Omega wouldn't try to flirt.
"Need something, Omega?" It came out more sharply than she meant it to, but Omega didn't seem to notice.
"Hunter sent me to give you a light." Omega reached out her arm, presenting the little flashlight to Ahsoka. "I can hold it if you need me to."
"That's okay, I have pretty good vision in the dark," Ahsoka said, gesturing to her eyes. But something tugged in her heart when Omega's excitement vanished and Ahsoka squinted back at the wires. "On second thought, it is a little hard to see some of these. It'd be great if you could hold it."
Maybe Ahsoka couldn't fix her own problems, but the Bad Batch was being kind to her and she had no right to wipe a smile off of Omega's face.
Omega scampered over and peered over Ahsoka's shoulder, shining the light into the panel.
Ahsoka went to tweak a wire and Omega said, "What does that do?"
With a quick, little puff of air through her nose, Ahsoka began explaining everything she did. She could've had it done in thirty seconds, but explaining everything stretched the time into several minutes.
"Do you know how to disarm a bomb?" Omega asked suddenly as the lights flickered on and Ahsoka raised her eye markings. "Wrecker tried to show me, but I don't think he did a very good job. I still can't seem to get it."
"Do you want me to show you?" Ahsoka said.
"That'd be great!" Omega said, her face lighting up. "When can we do it? I'll show you the smoke bombs Wrecker uses!"
"Maybe tomorrow. It's getting late."
"Right," her eyes went wide and she dropped the light to cup her mouth. "Hunter told me to go to bed after I gave you the light, so he's probably going to get mad at me."
"I won't tell if you don't," Ahsoka said, holding a finger up to her lips. Omega giggled and mirrored the action before scampering out of the room.
Ahsoka sighed and clipped the flashlight onto her belt, remembering all the time she shared the exact words with Tup and Kano. She'd walked into the mess hall kitchen at three in the morning in search of water to find Tup and Kano chowing down on one of the many cakes sent by Senator Amidala as a thank you. They'd both whipped their heads up, mouths smudged with cake and eyes wide and guilty.
"We're done. We're dead. Sing Hakuna Matata at my funeral," Tup had mumbled through his stuffed mouth as he waved his arms around in defeat, cake crumbs flying past his lips and from his fingers.
"Tell them my last words were 'I will haunt all of you in your sleep as a ghost,'" Kano had said and stuffed his mouth even fuller.
But Ahsoka had simply chuckled and crossed the room, snatching her own piece of cake and saying "I won't tell if you don't. "
It'd been a great night.
But oh stars both of those men– her brothers – were dead. Tup's death was especially jarring. She'd heard about it from some low-quality news report and her heart had shattered into a million pieces when she did. If she'd only been there, maybe she would've been able to help, maybe neither him nor Fives– oh stars Fives– would've fallen to such terrible fates.
She felt a tear trickle down her face as the image of Fives and Tup struggling in their last moments popped into her mind. She heard their voices, crying out for help she hadn't been there to give.
Ahsoka clutched her head and heaved in air, trying to make it go away . She fumbled to her feet, crashing into the wall and then the doorway, and staggered down the hall. An image of Fives, eyes empty and unseeing with death, expression contorted in anguish as life left him, struck her. She threw herself into the 'fresher barely in time to vomit nothing but a few grains of ration bar and bile into the toilet.
She sank to the floor and laid on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
Her brothers were dead and she hadn't done a thing to help them.
