"I thought you cared for us."
"Was it all a lie to you?"
"Was it all a joke?"
"You told us we mattered. But that was a lie, wasn't it?"
"You've never really cared."
"I wish you were dead."
"You deserve to die."
"You were supposed to save us."
"You failed."
"You should be dead."
"You never deserved to survive."
"You never deserved any of it."
"Ahsoka? Are you okay?"
"Why would you leave us?"
"Why would you let us suffer as you walked on unscathed?"
"Ahsoka? Ahsoka!"
"Your kindness was always an act, a hoax."
"Ahsoka!"
"You knew it privately, that you always thought of us the same as all the others did…"
"EXPENDABLE."
"AHSOKA!"
Her eyes snapped open and she shot up, breaths coming as harsh gasps and puffs. Ahsoka's head whipped back and forth, blurry vision working to focus and disorients slowly clearing as vertigo swam off. Stang, she hadn't meant to fall asleep.
"Ahsoka, are you okay?"
Her eyes landed on the small, blonde-haired girl who looked up at her with those wide, brown eyes. Ahsoka forced a smile. "Yes, Omega, I'm fine."
"But you're crying."
"Oh, sorry!" Ahsoka said, her voice shifting up half an octave as her montrals burned. "I didn't mean to wake you, Omega."
"You were crying in your sleep. Were you having a bad dream?" Omega asks, scooching over to nestle herself against Ahsoka and taking Ahsoka's hand.
"It's nothing, Omega. It's late. You should go back to sleep," Ahsoka said, trying to wiggle her fingers free.
Omega only gripped her hands tighter. "Sometimes Echo has nightmares. And Hunter and Tech and Wrecker too. I help them. I can help you."
Oh, sweet, innocent Omega.
"Seriously, Omega, you need to sleep. And I bet I'll forget all about it by morning, okay?" Ahsoka said, pushing her smile further across her face.
Thankfully, Omega relented and snuggled closer, shutting her eyes. It was only a minute before she was fast asleep again.
But Ahsoka didn't sleep for the rest of the night. She wouldn't forget the nightmare, not for a long time, maybe not ever.
Call it intuition, but Hunter just knew he'd find Ahsoka sitting at the table in the galley kitchen when he wandered in there well past midnight.
"Do you ever sleep, kid?"
She jumped a bit. He'd startled her.
"Tried it once. Didn't work out," she said, pretending like she hadn't been startled.
"Where were you?" Hunter asked.
"Sorry?"
"You looked like you were somewhere else, thinking hard. Where were you?" Hunter grabbed the caf pot and poured himself a cup. He could almost feel her stiffen behind him.
"Oh, you know, a little bit of everything," she hummed, trying a little too hard to sound nonchalant.
Hunter knew. Or, he was 98% sure. He'd seen the look she was giving her shimmering cup of tea far too many times. The tired, distraught look.
"You know, talking about nightmares usually helps," Hunter suggested and he knew he'd gotten it right when she flinched ever so slightly.
"Not always," Ahsoka said and he shrugged. "I'm okay for now," she told him. "Talking… takes a lot of strength. And that's something I'm a little short on at the moment." She gestured to the bandages covering her many wounds.
"Just saying, any of us would be willing to listen if you wanted to get something off your chest," Hunter said.
She said nothing in reply and Hunter turned around to pour himself a cup of caf, then slipped into the seat across from her. He could almost hear her internal battle, the fight against her own mind and instincts on whether or not it was safe to tell him.
Finally she broke, her head slamming down on the table with an audible, resonating bang and a shuddering breath jerking out from her lungs.
"Sometimes I wish I could just stop being a Jedi. I want the Force to just die from inside of me and leave me forever and I want to forget everything from when the Jedi were still around and–"
"Don't do that," Hunter said gently, but Ahsoka silenced and looked up at him. Dried tear tracks shone on her cheeks in the dim light. "I've never been a Jedi, but if I was, I wouldn't want to waste it. How long did it take you to master all your Jedi things? Do you really want to forget everything, throw it away?"
Ahsoka stared at him for a long moment. "Using my own words against me," she mumbled, then pounded a fist down on the table. "I said that about kriffing hair , Hunter!"
Hunter would've chuckled if the situation was lighter. "Good words."
Ahsoka put her head down on the table again, cushioned by her folded arms, and only a moment later she began shaking with silent sobs. Hunter reached out and set a hand on her elbow and let her cry.
Hunter knew how nasty nightmares could be, how soldiers would hold themselves together until that nightmare came, and then suddenly they were spiraling. Hunter himself was plagued with horrifying dreams more often than not. But come to think of it, he hadn't had anything but peaceful dreams or no dreams at all for days.
Ahsoka growled in frustration, fists clenching. "What's wrong with me? I'm so sorry, Hunter. I'm supposed to be better than this. I'm supposed to–"
"You aren't supposed to be anything," Hunter said and she looked up at him with watery eyes. "The moment you came here, you started fresh. You've got a clean slate now, and all you have to do is get better, okay? Doesn't matter if you don't live up to all those Jedi standards anymore. Doesn't matter if you aren't a stoic commander. You're starting fresh. Understood?"
She gave him one of those looks again, the annoyingly unreadable ones that could either mean she was about to explode or she wanted to thank him. And then her head slammed down atop her arms and she started sobbing again, louder this time. For a moment Hunter feared he'd said something wrong.
"Oh my stars, what did I do to deserve this?" Ahsoka sniffled, drawing in a shuddering breath to stop the sobs. "This is too good to be true."
"It's true," Hunter said, hiding his tinge of surprise. "You've got us now, kid, and we're all trying to find our way now."
"And here I thought you were dark and broody," Ahsoka said with a borderline-hysterical chuckle. She wiped at her eyes and sniffed again. "Thanks, Hunter. You're a lifesaver."
"Anytime. Now go take those pills Tech gave you and get some shut-eye."
It was strange: She could hear the things around her in a gargled, underwater way, and could almost follow what was happening. But at the same time, she was off in her own little world– warm and dark and comfortable– and nothing could draw her out or so much as make her bat an eyelash.
She blinked her eyes open after what could've been a second. Her head swam from awakening in the way that told her she'd just been dragged out of a heavy sleep. It took her a moment to orient herself and she rolled over from her curled position in the corner of the gunner's mount to find that Omega wasn't there.
Ahsoka sat up. For Omega being awake and about, it certainly was quiet. She could hear Gonky in the other room and a quiet voice, but nothing else.
Ahsoka pushed herself up from the mount floor, a bit achy, and made her clumsy way down the ladder and to the source of the voices. She couldn't seem to wake herself up all the way or orient her movements, which was incredibly annoying, and she could only hope to shake it off after moving around and talking.
"Oh hi, Ahsoka!" Omega said when Ahsoka stumbled into the cockpit to find her and Wrecker. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, thank you," Ahsoka said without really thinking. But this time, it wasn't a lie. Sleep could do wonders.
Omega rubbed her arm and started pacing the floor, clearly on edge about something.
"Where are we?" Ahsoka asked, peering through the cockpit windows. All she could see were tall rock walls where the Marauder was tucked away.
"A mission. You were asleep and Hunter said not to wake you up so we started without you. But Hunter, Tech, and Echo left without Wrecker and me because we're supposed to be the pickup.
Wrecker cackled. "Yeah! You ready to see some awesome flying skills, baby Jedi?"
"Assuming you'll be doing the flying, I've heard a lot about your skills," Ahsoka said, and she let him perceive it however he wanted to. Wrecker did just that and gloated.
"The only problem is they haven't responded and it's been a really long time," Omega said, tugging at a few strands of hair.
"How long?"
"Too long!" Omega let out a half-growl, half-yell and dug her nails into the sides of her head. "Can't you use your Jedi powers to feel what's happening?"
"Unfortunately, no. But I can see if they're alive or in distress," Ahsoka said.
"Please," Omega clapped her hands together and stared up at Ahsoka with wide, brown eyes. "I need to know."
Ahsoka's reply was cut off by Wreker's com crackling to life.
"We need a pick up, stat! We're on the east side!"
Omega gasped and Wrecker howled, throwing himself into the pilot's seat and flinging the Marauder into the air. Ahsoka and Omega jerked back from the sudden movement, and Ahsoka shoved Omega into the nearest chair, shouting for her to strap in.
The whole ship shuddered, throwing Ahsoka aside again. For a moment she could've mistook it as Wrecker's wild flying strategies but she recognized it almost as quickly as the feeling of blasts from other ships smashing into their shields.
"How did they find us so fast?" Omega panicked, and on seeing another ship careening straight at them, screamed, "Wrecker!"
Wrecker yelped and yanked the Marauder out of the way, sending them mere meters away from the sheer cliff and hardly dodging another enemy shuttle.
Ahsoka asked on instinct, springing forward and seizing the controls. "Move!" She kicked Wrecker and he tried to get up but ended up toppling aside and into the co-pilot's seat.
Ahsoka shoved at the controls and her hands danced about with pure muscle memory. She sharply whirled on the second shuttle and startled it out of its path and into the third shuttle's, a plume of fiery smoke bursting behind the Marauder .
The Marauder dropped, diving for the ground as the remaining three ships followed closely. She waited until the last moment possible to pull up, Wrecker's howling echoing in her head.
Two of the other ships blew past them and smashed into the planet's surface just as Ahsoka dragged the Marauder level with the ground and then back to the sky with all her strength.
"Tell those boys they better be ready 'cause we're coming in hot!" Ahsoka screamed over her shoulder at Omega, who quickly relayed the message into her comm.
Ahsoka whipped the Marauder around the corner to the east side and the Marauder screamed in protest of the high speeds. The ship behind her slowed down and Ahsoka had enough time to drag the Marauder to a slower pace. She spotted the three Bad Batchers on the very edge of the sheer drop and yelled for Omega to tell them their position.
A moment later the three clones were leaping into the Marauder , hardly making it in time for Ahsoka to streak away. The last ship caught up with the Marauder , and Ahsoka felt an adrenaline-fueled grin worm across her face.
A few stomach-twisting loops and a clear shot later, Ahsoka launched the Marauder into hyperspace and sank back into the pilot's chair, expelling a long breath.
But the cockpit behind her was too quiet, the only sound came a moment later as a pained groan. Ahsoka twisted in her seat to see everyone else, finding Tech and Echo discarded on the floor, Hunter holding onto the side of one of the seats, Wrecker with his mouth hanging open, and Omega's eyes wide with a beautiful sort of wondrous shock.
Omega blinked, hands still clutching the safety restraints. "That. Was. So. Cool." Her expression widened and she grinned. "Can you teach me how to do that?! Please, please, please?!"
"Omega," Tech interjected, adjusting his glasses and brushing himself off. "I already told you that if you want to be taught how to fly, you must first memorize all the–"
"Yeah, yeah, I know that's what you say, but if Ahsoka teaches me, she can make up her own rules," Omega said, glancing over at Hunter hopefully.
Hunter, who'd found his way to his feet and crossed his arms, tilted his head and gave Omega a little nod, his eyebrows and shoulders twitching up to follow the motion subtly.
"Yes!" Omega cheered and ripped herself free of her safety restraints to scamper over and cling to Ahsoka's arm, shaking her. "Please, Ahsoka? Please, please, please , I really want to learn how to fly! Please will you teach me?! I want to fly like you!"
"Let her breathe, Omega," Hunter said, and Omega obediently stepped back. But that stupid, childish grin didn't falter for a moment and she clasped her hands together, eyes wide and pleading.
"Come on, Ahsoka, even just one lesson, please!?"
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Hunter told Ahsoka.
But Ahsoka looked right into Omega's face and thought that she had no reason to wipe that grin away. The Bad Batch had taken her in so how could she be cruel?
"I'll do it," Ahsoka said. "If we can, we'll start tomorrow."
