Chapter Twenty-Three:
The Golfing Hijinx Commences
-Matt's POV-
You remember me, the most-powerful god-level Mii in the universe. I stand upon the tallest hillside of Wuhu Island, overlooking the site where the golf tournament is taking place today. I have been here many times before, for either tennis matches, or golf. I am more than just a god-level fighter, I am the tennis champion, and I am the golf master.
Jeeves called me over as a favor, just in case something came up. The participants know who I am, but they don't know I am nearby. None can truly beat Matt, some of them know that I caught the infamous Loh'rys Shae'ynn.
Hal Monitor is aware I sent that scum to him, we had a chat recently. And now, I can see him patrolling the site of the tournament, making sure that nothing illegal takes place. But he isn't the only security guard here. There are Toads on site as well, along with a few Miis who have had prior experience in this area.
I hear the engines of the golf kart, Jeeves is coming up to speak with me before he begins the tournament, and everyone is here. I can see Mario and SMG4, Bowser and Bowser Jr., Toad, Wario and Waluigi, Bob and Fishy Boopkins. I can even see Saiko Bichitaru trying her hand at golf, even though she's using her hammer.
And on another hill, I see that trouble-making squid boy Grellow with Senbo Mazushi playing golf together, practicing before they get into the game. I can see Peach having tea with Daisy, probably a pre-golf drink party for luck.
As I watch, I wish I could participate and join the fun, but Jeeves only invited me as a favor, and, in his eyes, all I am is a weapon, a weapon against those who would dare to break the rules.
Jeeves approaches, he hops out of his kart, and he walks towards me with a smile on his face. I face him, showing a good friend respect. We've known each other for a while, and I am aware of his history as Baldi's apprentice in the ways of smacking one with a ruler. Just as everyone is ready for the tournament, I am ready for action as well.
"It's almost time to begin." Jeeves says to me, "And you know why I need you. Until I summon you to the field, I hope you make yourself comfortable and enjoy the show, good chap."
I nod my head, and Jeeves winks at me, then he hops back into his kart and heads down to where the players are located. I stand silently on the hill, and nobody bothers me, nobody has noticed me yet. But soon, with the right circumstances, I will make my presence known...
Mario and SMG4 stood with the others, all ready to play golf, and they didn't have to wait any longer. Jeeves' golf kart rolled in, and the fork himself stepped out with an elated smile on his face. He spread his arms wide and proclaimed, "Welcome, everyone, to my golf competition! I hope you're all ready to begin."
Bowser Jr. looked at his father in an uneasy manner and, with trembling lips, he said, "Papa? I... I'm nervous."
Hearing his son, Bowser leaned in to comfort the nervous Koopa kid, even though he remarked that he didn't care. Even with that remark, Bowser Jr. felt a little better that his dad was comforting him.
Toad was looking forward to some golf fun, despite being a grump, and he was eager to compete with his buddy Kode the Koopa. But unbeknownst to them, Wario and Waluigi had plans for the competitors, and were sneaking up on the duo. Silently, the Wario Bros grabbed them and retreated into the bushes right before Hal Monitor came by.
"Eh?" Hal Monitor turned, staring at the spot where Toad and Kode had been. He continued onward, but did double take, spotting Wario and Waluigi doing goofy stuff with the former doing a Toad dance while sporting a Toad hat on his head as Waluigi did pushups while sporting a Koopa shell on him.
"I guess it was my imagination." Hal Monitor shrugged and continued on. A few other security guards glanced at one another, especially as they did glimpse Wario and Waluigi's sneaky move.
"TiMe To HiT sOmE GoLf BaLlS, lOl!" Bob said excitedly.
"Uh, Bob? I don't think I can do this..." Boopkins quipped uneasily as he held the golf club.
"YoU hAvE tO, I lEfT a GaNgStEr BoSs' BaBy In BrAzIl." The Garo told him. At that moment, a man in a suit stood by a statue, holding a gun at the ready as he observed Bob. He heard a buzz on his walkie-talkie and answered it.
"This is Koopsta calling." Dochshade Cruklife said on the other end, "What's the status, Agent Lerdwerd?"
"Golf game is about to begin." Lerdwerd replied, "And Bob is competing."
"Whatever happens, you make sure he gets tickets to Brazil. It is important, and I am not going to lose my precious half-octopus baby. Keep watching, and make your move when I say so. Clear?"
"Yes sir." Lerdwerd whispered.
"My hands aren't even long enough to reach part of the club." Boopkins complained.
"WhAt'S tHaT?" Bob mocked, "AlL I hEaR iS tHe SoUnD oF bItChInG! Ok, FiNE! YoU cAn UsE tHiS ClUb InStEaD..." He handed Boopkins over a spiked mace, taking the Spike by surprise despite the fact he spat out spiked balls just as other Spikes in Bowser's army tended to do.
"Okay, players!" Jeeves cried, "ARE YOU READY TO GOLF?!"
"Yeah, yeah!" Waluigi exclaimed excitedly.
"Wah-ha-ha!" Wario chuckled, "Come on! Let's-a go!"
Bowser laughed with excitement even though Junior was still nervous, Bob said something about someone not having anything on him and Boopkins, likely a taunt to his opponents, and SMG4 noticed Mario flashing a goofy smile.
"Oh, man. We're screwed, aren't we?" The meme man remarked, "This isn't gonna end well."
"Three, two, one..." Jeeves counted, "And GO!"
The gathering crowd of Toads, humans, visiting Inklings and Jellyfish and Koopas clamored and cheered with excitement for the game to start. Jeeves sounded a horn, and the competition was underway. Wario, Bob and Bowser went first, all smacking their respective golf balls high.
SMG4 looked at Mario with a confident grin and said, "Observe, my fat Italian friend."
With concentration, the meme man swung his club and sent the ball flying. However, the golf ball wound up crashing into a camera that a Lakitu was using. As a result, the flying Koopa was unable to assist the other cameramen and news crews in their part in televising the unfolding tournament.
"WOOOOOOO!" Senbo hollered, he swung his club, and his golf ball flew high before landing in a hole near a white flag on the next hill over. FORE! The teen whooped with glee and shared a high-five with Grellow.
"My turn, my turn!" The Inkling said, Senbo stepped aside, and Grellow brought up his club. He struck the ball hard, and sent it flying. However, it wound up crashing into Hal Monitor several feet below. Luckily, it didn't smash his screen face, but he managed to correctly track where it had come from... and spotted Senbo and Grellow above.
"Hey, Grellow. Knock-knock." Senbo said with a nervous smile.
"Who's there?" Grellow asked.
"Hal."
"Hal who?"
"Hal Monitor. Coming up the hill!" Senbo pointed.
"HAL MONITOR?!" Grellow exclaimed. He saw where his friend was looking, and his eyes popped as soon as the squid boy spotted the Mushroom Kingdom's resident robo-cop running up the hill with his trademark angry facial expression.
"Hitting an officer with a golf ball is very illegal!" Hal shouted.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Senbo and Grellow ran like mad, running across the hilltops with Hal Monitor giving chase. Perhaps today wasn't the best day to be playing golf, not on top of a hill and when there was somehow a chance someone could hit a security guard with a golf ball.
Down below, as SMG4 was trying again, Mario played golf in the stupidest way ever. He got down on the ground, and poked the ball with his nose, watched it roll, and poked it with his nose again. SMG4 facepalmed, annoyed by his associate's antics. Jeeves raised an eyebrow as he watched the madness that was starting to unfold.
A few fields away, Axol was playing some golf too, and Melony was with him. In the fact, the manga artist had decided to show the watermelon waifu how to play the sport since Melony had been visiting a couple watermelons on the island, and she was very baffled by the idea of golf, especially when she saw what was happening.
"Here's how you play it, Melony. You watching?" Axol held the golf club gently, "You hold the club like this, and then you SWING it hard. If you hit the ball at the right angle, it'll go into the hole and you get a fore. Pay attention, Melony, I'm about to show you how it works. One, two, three, and BOOM!"
The axolotl swung the club, and sent the ball flying over the field. However, to Axol and Melony's dismay, the golf ball ended up smacking a certain DJ Octavio in the head just before the Octarian could hit a golf ball of his own.
"OH, CRAP!" Axol exclaimed.
Judd and Li'l Judd, who'd popped by the island for a Turf War vacation, flashed a thumbs down flag and a Toad blew a penalty whistle.
Octavio turned in Axol's direction, his eyes blazing with anger.
"That's a good way to screw up a soundtrack..." The DJ snarled, "AND I'M ABOUT TO DROP A BIG BEAT ON YOU, AXOL! Looks like today's a good day to settle some unfinished business with you, and I'm going to take your pen by the time we're finished here. IT'S REMIX TIME FOR THE ANIME ARTIST!"
Axol and Melony both screamed as Octavio drew some samurai swords, and the two of them made a blitz for the nearest Warp Pipe. They popped through, leaving the golf tournament, and heading right back to the Mushroom Kingdom as the pipe vanished and Octavio howled with anger while the tournament continued on...
