Chapter Twenty-Four:

When Golf Games Get Out of Line...


Jeeves hoped his tournament would be straightforward and well-organized when he was putting it together. But as he watched, things were already falling apart, and barely three minutes had passed since it started.

Bowser and Bowser Junior were trying to punt a golf towards a hole several feet from them, only for a massive Whomp to get in the way. Bowser swung his club, and tried to get a clear shot, only for the big stone creature to block every incoming golf ball from the Koopa King and his son.

Young Junior stepped up, trying to get a lucky strike in, and he swung his club hard, sending the ball in the Whomp's direction. However, the creature knocked it aside with the swing of its head and declared, "YOU STINK!"

Junior lowered his head with sadness, and looked at his father, who's eyes were wide with rage. No one mocked his son, nobody. Bowser opened his maw, and breathed a stream of fire on a golf ball, then he ignited his own club. And then, he swung his fire club hard, sending the flaming ball right towards the Whomp.

BWOOSH! The Whomp burst into flames. But somehow, the fire golf ball was so powerful, the burning Whomp transformed into a huge bucket of KFC nuggets. Close by, Peach and Daisy had finished their tea and were about to dig into a cake that the former had whipped up, when the flaming golf ball whizzed by them.

Both princesses were unharmed. However, the cake wound up burning and turning into KFC nuggets. It was at that moment when Saiko, who'd been golfing, took notice to the scene and her eyes lit up. She. Loved. KFC!

I'm here to tell you, that Saiko's love for KFC was nearly at the same level of Mario's love for spaghetti. The anime girl picked up the bucket, sat down under a tree, and dug into the cake-turned KFC, scarfing down every single chicken nugget in the bucket. And then, she turned her attention to the large bucket in the spot where the Whomp had been.

Saiko picked up a ladder from nearby, then she placed it on the side of the bucket, snatched a wand from a Magikoopa, and cast a spell on the ladder. Seconds later, it grew to a large enough size for Saiko to reach the top. The pink-haired anime girl giggled, then she aimed the wand at herself and flicked it.

And in a second, she was sporting a pink bikini with laces. Saiko climbed up the ladder, let out a cry of joy, and dove into the bucket. She swam in the chicken nuggets, and semi-floated on her back, all while she scarfed down a piece of KFC.

Jeeves watched the unfolding madness with dismay and facepalmed. All he could do was wonder how things would get out of hand even more. Not far from his spot, and while Saiko swam in the KFC, Wario and Waluigi ran into another predicament. They'd managed to punt their golf ball towards a hole, only for a stupid Piranha Plant to eat it.

Wario and his brother stepped forward to confront the ugly mug. Wario fetched a banjo, walked an inch towards the plant, and began strumming his instrument as he sang:

"Move, bitch. Get out of the way! Get out of the way, bitch!"

"No." The Piranha Plant said firmly and aggressively.

Waluigi lost his cool and unleashed his powers, he summoned a flower between his teeth and struck a sultry pose. The Piranha Plant was taken off guard, then it leaped out of the Warp Pipe and attempted to claim Waluigi, who screamed in terror. Luckily for him, Wario got between his brother and the plant, and he didn't hesitate.

Wario to turned around, and let out the biggest fart in the world. The plant coughed in shriek as it took in the gas and stopped all movement, and then, Wario whipped out a flamethrower and burned the Piranha Plant to ashes.

Bob and Boopkins wound up facing a major complication as well. Their golf ball was rolling towards a hole near a cliff, then a Chain Chomp made itself known, and smashed the ball, infuriating Bob in the process. The Garo threw his golf club and wound up hitting the same Monty Mole who'd been hit by accident in Jeeves' commercial.

"HoW dO wE kIlL tHiS tHiNg?" Bob demanded to his little buddy.

"Usually, JubJub and I feed dogs to make them happy." Boopkins said.

"Oh, oF cOuRsE! JuBjUb! GoOd ThInKiNg!" Bob brightened up.

"WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Bob summoned JubJub through some random magic summoning act, and he chucked him at the Chain Chomp. Boopkins screamed and pleaded with his little brother to leave ASAP. The Chomp stared hungrily at the little fish baby and barked in a menacing fashion.

Fishy Boopkins watched with worry. And then, JubJub said something in baby speak, and a massive Wallmaster-looking hand appeared, and smacked the Chomp into oblivion. Bob rejoiced his victory, and swung a spare club, sending the golf ball into the hole. However, neither him or Boopkins wound up getting any points...

Why?

Jeeves was beyond frustrated. He headed right to the nearest stage, grabbed the microphone and yelled, "HEY, ASSHOLES! ALL GOLF PLAYERS OVER HERE NOW, I HAVE A STATEMENT TO MAKE!"

Every golf player put down their golf equipment and assembled near the fork's position, having heard him call them over. Jeeves tried to compose himself, but he was at the breaking point already, and he proclaimed, "YOU GUYS AREN'T PLAYING GOLF PROPERLY! So, I'm gonna change the rules a bit! We're playing speed golf now!"

"WhAt ThE hElL iS tHaT sUpPoSeD tO mEaN?" Bob demanded.

"IT MEANS YOU CAN NOW FIGHT EACH OTHER ALONG THE WAY TO THE GOAL! WHOMEVER HITS THE BALL IN THAT HOLE OVER THERE WILL GET THE TICKETS TO BRAZIL!" Jeeves thundered, he pointed to an area where a golf hole and a red flagpole were located.

And everyone went nuts, their competitive spirits kicked back in, and the challenge exploded into full throttle. Wario whipped out a remote and summoned his car, then he and Waluigi grabbed a golf ball and raced towards the goal with engines at full speed. However, Bowser and Junior were close behind in the former's Koopa Kar.

"You ain't gettin' there, suckers!" Bowser chuckled.

He tapped a button, and a cannon emerged from the front. The Koopa King opened fire, trying to knock the Wario Bros out of the game, but Waluigi unleashed his powers and summoned a magical golf club. In seconds, the Wah Man was deflecting the cannonballs with the magical club, saving him and Wario from getting hit by Bowser.

Wario was preoccupied with driving and avoiding trees, but was taken off-guard when he heard the sound of barking, and spotted a Chain Chomp coming after the two greedy Italians with Bob, Boopkins and JubJub riding it. The Garo must have tamed the Chomp with some cheap trick or something.

Bob whipped out an I-Pad with a serious snarl. "ItS SpEcIAl MoVe TiMe!" The Garo declared, and tapped a button. Wario heard a buzz on his phone, and his eyes widened when he saw a text message from Bob, which showed him a photo of Waluigi with a woman's body IN A BIKINI!

"OH MY GOD!" Wario screamed, "BRAIN BLEACH!"

"Wha...?" Waluigi poked his head up, and he screamed when he saw the image, "DELETE THAT, DELETE THAT! WHY WOULD YOU SHOW US THIS?!"

Both Italians lost control of their car as they freaked out. And unbeknownst to them, Fat Shy Guy AKA Gourmet Guy was wandering about when the Wario Bros' car smashed right into him. Luckily, Wario and Waluigi were ejected from the seat and landed on a trampoline, and Gourmet Guy was unharmed with the only damage done being the car exploding.

Jeeves yelped in shock when he saw this. Now things were really getting out of hand, and he didn't think he'd have to change the rules again. However, he'd give Speed Golf one more chance. And depending on what he saw next, another shakeup was well likely in order...